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Orangutan Man Tits | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/16/21(Thu)22:05:42 No.63537010 >over ten years ago >at bar near college >girl touches my manboob >me and the other two guys that were having a conversation look at her puzzled >she says "I like red haired fatties" >I laugh and say "too bad I'm not red haired" >conversation resumes >wake up next day, look self in the mirror >realize your hair sort of is red See, anon, you're not the only retard
: Anonymous 09/16/21(Thu)22:05:42 No.63537010 >over ten years ago >at bar near college >girl touches my manboob >me and the other two guys that were having a conversation look at her puzzled >she says "I like red haired fatties" >I laugh and say "too bad I'm not red haired" >conversation resumes >wake up next day, look self in the mirror >realize your hair sort of is red See, anon, you're not the only retard

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Anon has to poop | /r/Greentext


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Anon is a car | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/20(Mon)20:35:17 No.56574031 >be me >be car >my human takes good care of me >He waits for me to warm up in the winter before we drive away >checks my oil and tops it up when it gets low >keeps my tires full of air >puts new parts in when the old ones break >lots of things on me don't work right anymore, but I always get him where he needs to go >I got rusty and my seats got torn up, my battery is tired, my spark plugs are worn, but when he turns the key I always start up for him because I know he cares >when he parks me, I wait loyally for him to get back. >Then one day he parked me far away >when he left, he seemed sad and slow >I waited days, and he didn't come back. knew this time was different. >He came back with tools, and I was excited. Taking parts off me, like he used to do. >but instead of putting on new ones, he put back old parts, or just took them and left me with pieces missing >kept waiting for him to turn the key but he never did >my battery died >my tires went flat >l can feel the rust spreading >why did you leave me? 't I always get you where you needed to go? >wasn't I always there for you? >why did you leave me? >d
: Anonymous 02/03/20(Mon)20:35:17 No.56574031 >be me >be car >my human takes good care of me >He waits for me to warm up in the winter before we drive away >checks my oil and tops it up when it gets low >keeps my tires full of air >puts new parts in when the old ones break >lots of things on me don't work right anymore, but I always get him where he needs to go >I got rusty and my seats got torn up, my battery is tired, my spark plugs are worn, but when he turns the key I always start up for him because I know he cares >when he parks me, I wait loyally for him to get back. >Then one day he parked me far away >when he left, he seemed sad and slow >I waited days, and he didn't come back. knew this time was different. >He came back with tools, and I was excited. Taking parts off me, like he used to do. >but instead of putting on new ones, he put back old parts, or just took them and left me with pieces missing >kept waiting for him to turn the key but he never did >my battery died >my tires went flat >l can feel the rust spreading >why did you leave me? 't I always get you where you needed to go? >wasn't I always there for you? >why did you leave me? >d

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Anon recalls his baseball teammate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)23:41:58 No.863306208 >talking to mom on the phone >asks me if I remember a kid from my baseball team You WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE >tells me she ran into his mom at the PROPAIN store the other day >turns out he's gay GO THOUCH 233 KB JPG >asks me if I remember anything from when we were kids that might've given me a clue >I recall times where l'd spend the night at his house and we'd wrestle in his bedroom >he'd pin me to the ground and spend several minutes rubbing himself against my backside while breathing really hard >"Nope, nothing at all."
: Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)23:41:58 No.863306208 >talking to mom on the phone >asks me if I remember a kid from my baseball team You WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE >tells me she ran into his mom at the PROPAIN store the other day >turns out he's gay GO THOUCH 233 KB JPG >asks me if I remember anything from when we were kids that might've given me a clue >I recall times where l'd spend the night at his house and we'd wrestle in his bedroom >he'd pin me to the ground and spend several minutes rubbing himself against my backside while breathing really hard >"Nope, nothing at all."

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Anon is ashamed | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)23:46:56 No.156448769 File: 1631348171811.jpg (52 KB, 793x786) >go to doctor >pop a boner when she snaps the latex gloves on
Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)23:46:56 No.156448769 File: 1631348171811.jpg (52 KB, 793x786) >go to doctor >pop a boner when she snaps the latex gloves on

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Large and in charge | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/09/21(Thu)14:29:43 No.63426526 >>63421165 # >25, 325 >have been slowly nudging my health in the right direction for a few months - snacking less, doing more cardio, not eating breakfast 560 KB PNG (since I generally wake up at 9), etc. >have been tracking for about two weeks >started going hardcore in that period, counting calories and drinking a shitton of water >lost nearly 15 pounds in that time >all my clothes are slightly more comfortable >don't have constant heartburn anymore >sleep better >mood is better >doing better financially because I'm not f------ doordashing five times a week >"sweet tooth" has basically fixed itself, now fruits taste sweet as they should It's so great bros. It's amazing what proper portion control and eating well will do for you. I'm at the point where I actually look forward to weighing myself every afternoon.
: Anonymous 09/09/21(Thu)14:29:43 No.63426526 >>63421165 # >25, 325 >have been slowly nudging my health in the right direction for a few months - snacking less, doing more cardio, not eating breakfast 560 KB PNG (since I generally wake up at 9), etc. >have been tracking for about two weeks >started going hardcore in that period, counting calories and drinking a shitton of water >lost nearly 15 pounds in that time >all my clothes are slightly more comfortable >don't have constant heartburn anymore >sleep better >mood is better >doing better financially because I'm not f------ doordashing five times a week >"sweet tooth" has basically fixed itself, now fruits taste sweet as they should It's so great bros. It's amazing what proper portion control and eating well will do for you. I'm at the point where I actually look forward to weighing myself every afternoon.

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Anon is a tree | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/12/20(Sat)12:03:52 No.61353084 >be me >be tree >be cut down >be converted into toilet paper >be used by girl to dry p---- >later virgins 30 KB JPG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 12/12/20(Sat)12:09:13 No.61353139 >mfw you get used to wipe my fat hairy a------ after i've taken a s--- instead 38 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/12/20(Sat)12:03:52 No.61353084 >be me >be tree >be cut down >be converted into toilet paper >be used by girl to dry p---- >later virgins 30 KB JPG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 12/12/20(Sat)12:09:13 No.61353139 >mfw you get used to wipe my fat hairy a------ after i've taken a s--- instead 38 KB JPG

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Anon has a dorm mate. | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)17:01:01 No.863256783 [Reply] college student, just got dorm to myself: >be me, freshman >move into first dorm with some regular guy as dorm mate >he is a straight arrow: stays up studying all night, absolutely refuses to drink/smoke, also got mad at me for hanging out with my friend in the dorm >i come back drunk sometimes and he is an a------ about it >always telling me i'm killing myself and acts as if he is better than me >i f------ hate him >ask administration if i can move to another room >she says no >only in rare cases does this happen >guy also gets up to use the bathroom at night constantly >always turns on bright white light >as a result i always wake up >tired of living with this retard >get idea >immediately order on amazon >2 days later it arrives >my saving grace >a bedpan, like something from the 1800s >started waiting until late, taking out my bedpan and s-------+pissing in it >do this every night >he is enraged >says i'm an a------ and i have issues >don't care >after about a week of this the dorm supervisor comes and tells me i'm being moved >=D >i get there, he explains to me i will be alone for the rest of the year >old roommate told him what i had been doing >supervisor says since i paid i get to stay, but nobody wants to room with me >this was 3 days ago and i have a whole dorm room to myself i win josh. you f------ retard
O Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)17:01:01 No.863256783 [Reply] college student, just got dorm to myself: >be me, freshman >move into first dorm with some regular guy as dorm mate >he is a straight arrow: stays up studying all night, absolutely refuses to drink/smoke, also got mad at me for hanging out with my friend in the dorm >i come back drunk sometimes and he is an a------ about it >always telling me i'm killing myself and acts as if he is better than me >i f------ hate him >ask administration if i can move to another room >she says no >only in rare cases does this happen >guy also gets up to use the bathroom at night constantly >always turns on bright white light >as a result i always wake up >tired of living with this retard >get idea >immediately order on amazon >2 days later it arrives >my saving grace >a bedpan, like something from the 1800s >started waiting until late, taking out my bedpan and s-------+pissing in it >do this every night >he is enraged >says i'm an a------ and i have issues >don't care >after about a week of this the dorm supervisor comes and tells me i'm being moved >=D >i get there, he explains to me i will be alone for the rest of the year >old roommate told him what i had been doing >supervisor says since i paid i get to stay, but nobody wants to room with me >this was 3 days ago and i have a whole dorm room to myself i win josh. you f------ retard

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Anon describes Modern Leftism | /r/Greentext


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Bone Apple Tea | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)01:57:43 No.65414222 >be me >talking to this girl and joking around >autism hasn't shown up >realize she may actually click with me >she tells me she's eating pizza and tell her to save some for me 77 KB JPG >she jokes it's all for her >joke back and suggest she stick her finger down her throat to regurgitate the pizza on a bag and send it to me since it may taste sweeter cause it'll taste like her >she doesnt laugh and says its f------ weird why does this s--- aways happen to me anons
: Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)01:57:43 No.65414222 >be me >talking to this girl and joking around >autism hasn't shown up >realize she may actually click with me >she tells me she's eating pizza and tell her to save some for me 77 KB JPG >she jokes it's all for her >joke back and suggest she stick her finger down her throat to regurgitate the pizza on a bag and send it to me since it may taste sweeter cause it'll taste like her >she doesnt laugh and says its f------ weird why does this s--- aways happen to me anons

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It’s All of Us | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/17/21 (Fri)13:36:26 No.863271880 >Be out in public >A woman and I see one another >She smiles >I react with blank face because I think smiling would be creepy Anybody else like this? 16 KB JPG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)13:37:25 No.863271916 does anybody else have autism, you mean? anybody on this website?
: Anonymous 09/17/21 (Fri)13:36:26 No.863271880 >Be out in public >A woman and I see one another >She smiles >I react with blank face because I think smiling would be creepy Anybody else like this? 16 KB JPG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)13:37:25 No.863271916 does anybody else have autism, you mean? anybody on this website?

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Anon has a good workout | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)21:22:45 No.63541063 COREGASM: Gym-goers climax during exercise One in 10 gym-goers have experienced the ultimate pleasure from activities such as sit-ups, y. SuccessfulTroll.EXE.png 1.95 MB PNG Alright, which one of you f------ tricked them into reporting on a greentext? >Got to gym to get my pump on >Smash a protein shake on the way to gym >arrive at gym >do half a situp >Immediately c-- in pants while farting >Leave >Good workout : Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)21:25:10 No.63541089 >>63541063 (OP) # >never seen or heard about coregasms until I look them up on google trying to find out what they were years ago. >never hear about them again >make a thread on 4chan about them >suddenly see something about them every 2 weeks at least on random sites Is it this easy to influence the entire internet? >>63541183 # >>63541258 # >>63542229 # : Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)21:32:46 No.63541183 >>63541089 # Never underestimate the power of weaponized autism 1.36 MB GIF : Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)21:39:59 No.63541258 >>63541089 # >ls it this easy to influence the entire internet? 60 KB JPG >>63541423 # : Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)22:27:57 No.63541841 I mean this site houses the idiots who got f------ Oprah to say "over 9000 penises" on television. >>63542128 # : Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)22:55:38 No.63542128 images (46).jpg 21 KB JPG >>63541841 # Just looked up the video and my sides are literally in orbit >"They have over 9000 penises, and they're all r----- children"
: Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)21:22:45 No.63541063 COREGASM: Gym-goers climax during exercise One in 10 gym-goers have experienced the ultimate pleasure from activities such as sit-ups, y. SuccessfulTroll.EXE.png 1.95 MB PNG Alright, which one of you f------ tricked them into reporting on a greentext? >Got to gym to get my pump on >Smash a protein shake on the way to gym >arrive at gym >do half a situp >Immediately c-- in pants while farting >Leave >Good workout : Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)21:25:10 No.63541089 >>63541063 (OP) # >never seen or heard about coregasms until I look them up on google trying to find out what they were years ago. >never hear about them again >make a thread on 4chan about them >suddenly see something about them every 2 weeks at least on random sites Is it this easy to influence the entire internet? >>63541183 # >>63541258 # >>63542229 # : Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)21:32:46 No.63541183 >>63541089 # Never underestimate the power of weaponized autism 1.36 MB GIF : Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)21:39:59 No.63541258 >>63541089 # >ls it this easy to influence the entire internet? 60 KB JPG >>63541423 # : Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)22:27:57 No.63541841 I mean this site houses the idiots who got f------ Oprah to say "over 9000 penises" on television. >>63542128 # : Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)22:55:38 No.63542128 images (46).jpg 21 KB JPG >>63541841 # Just looked up the video and my sides are literally in orbit >"They have over 9000 penises, and they're all r----- children"

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Anon has a fun experience | /r/Greentext

4h (9/17 8:39) · 65412891 GIF 647KB · (320 × 480) 1 Reply >Be me 2018 >finally get my liscence >Mom lets me drive my s----- yugo across the state for summer break >Decide F--- that, im going to drive my ass to cali and back Spook number 1 >Watch a bus driver hit a bicyclist that fell onto the interstate >the dude gets caught up in his bike and the bike gets stuck under the bus >The bust driver must not have seen him, because he procedes to drag the poor bastard for half a f----- mile, leaving a red and grey streak behind the bus the whole way >Eventually the bus driver is alerted to this by someone, probably one of the passengers >The bus procedes to cut across two lanes to park along the side of the road, almost causing a pile up I just kept driving until I couldnt see the bus anymore, dont know what happened afterwards and I frankly dont care
4h (9/17 8:39) · 65412891 GIF 647KB · (320 × 480) 1 Reply >Be me 2018 >finally get my liscence >Mom lets me drive my s----- yugo across the state for summer break >Decide F--- that, im going to drive my ass to cali and back Spook number 1 >Watch a bus driver hit a bicyclist that fell onto the interstate >the dude gets caught up in his bike and the bike gets stuck under the bus >The bust driver must not have seen him, because he procedes to drag the poor bastard for half a f----- mile, leaving a red and grey streak behind the bus the whole way >Eventually the bus driver is alerted to this by someone, probably one of the passengers >The bus procedes to cut across two lanes to park along the side of the road, almost causing a pile up I just kept driving until I couldnt see the bus anymore, dont know what happened afterwards and I frankly dont care

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anon's testosterone increases | /r/Greentext

O w-- Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)15:52:26 No.65415783 >be me straight male >have women lingerie fetish >decide to buy some online >wear it and fap > post nut clarity hits like hell, really disgusted > throw it all away and feel the urge to do push ups, sit ups and go to the gym > am i cured now or what?
O w-- Anonymous 09/17/21(Fri)15:52:26 No.65415783 >be me straight male >have women lingerie fetish >decide to buy some online >wear it and fap > post nut clarity hits like hell, really disgusted > throw it all away and feel the urge to do push ups, sit ups and go to the gym > am i cured now or what?

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Anon is happy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Happy stories 01/11/19(Fri)22:48:23 No.50371278 I suck at greentext even more than I suck at life, so please bear with me >Be me >20 year old beta redditfag >In abusive relationship with spoiled Stacy 125 KB JPG >Meet girl >Beautiful femanon who loves memes >Fall in love with her >Dont cheat on gf because l'm a good boy, but can't get out of the relationship >Ffw 8 months >Finallyfree.jpeg >Ask femanon out, she says yes >Go on date >Totally sperg out cause nervous >F--- it all up >Hate my autistic ass >Ffw three weeks to yesterday >See femanon again at party >She comes up to me and we dance >She kisses me, says she's had a huge crush on me since day 1 >Mfw life's finally good for the first time in a long while There's still hope /b/ros : Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)22:50:35 No.50371311 >>50371278 (OP) # Now stay off reddit, newfriend. Im proud of you
: Anonymous Happy stories 01/11/19(Fri)22:48:23 No.50371278 I suck at greentext even more than I suck at life, so please bear with me >Be me >20 year old beta redditfag >In abusive relationship with spoiled Stacy 125 KB JPG >Meet girl >Beautiful femanon who loves memes >Fall in love with her >Dont cheat on gf because l'm a good boy, but can't get out of the relationship >Ffw 8 months >Finallyfree.jpeg >Ask femanon out, she says yes >Go on date >Totally sperg out cause nervous >F--- it all up >Hate my autistic ass >Ffw three weeks to yesterday >See femanon again at party >She comes up to me and we dance >She kisses me, says she's had a huge crush on me since day 1 >Mfw life's finally good for the first time in a long while There's still hope /b/ros : Anonymous 01/11/19(Fri)22:50:35 No.50371311 >>50371278 (OP) # Now stay off reddit, newfriend. Im proud of you

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Anon seems a bit too worried | /r/Greentext

2h (9/17 10:25) · 83415631 12 Re · 1 Img JPG 98KB (97O × 647) 9 Replies Verizon rol option command 9:16 Thursday, February 7 >apple is scanning all phone to "catch pedophiles" >SCANNING ALL PHONES wipe up to unlock This is a massive security breach and is just an excuse to all phones, I need your guys advice. Which phone should I get to replace my iphone? Something secure.
2h (9/17 10:25) · 83415631 12 Re · 1 Img JPG 98KB (97O × 647) 9 Replies Verizon rol option command 9:16 Thursday, February 7 >apple is scanning all phone to "catch pedophiles" >SCANNING ALL PHONES wipe up to unlock This is a massive security breach and is just an excuse to all phones, I need your guys advice. Which phone should I get to replace my iphone? Something secure.

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Anon's goes to McDonald's | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/11/21(Sat)16:42:36 No.16680409 >6 am >going to mcdonalds to see if I can redeem a big mac coupon >wait to be serviced for 7 minutes in an empty mcdonalds >someone comes to take my order 67 KB JPG >lt's too early for a big mac o l just order a hashbrown >They as me if I'm okay and if everything's alright What did they mean by this?
: Anonymous 09/11/21(Sat)16:42:36 No.16680409 >6 am >going to mcdonalds to see if I can redeem a big mac coupon >wait to be serviced for 7 minutes in an empty mcdonalds >someone comes to take my order 67 KB JPG >lt's too early for a big mac o l just order a hashbrown >They as me if I'm okay and if everything's alright What did they mean by this?

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Anon is listening to music | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)02:35:28 No.852349983 >be me >live alone >in bed listening to music >hear someone cough in song >go back to part in the song where person coughed to make sure it was in the song 14 KB JPG >don't hear it this time >oh s---.png
: Anonymous 04/18/21(Sun)02:35:28 No.852349983 >be me >live alone >in bed listening to music >hear someone cough in song >go back to part in the song where person coughed to make sure it was in the song 14 KB JPG >don't hear it this time >oh s---.png

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Anon encounters a drug dealer | /r/Greentext


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Anon can’t stop | /r/Greentext

>be me >browse hentai a lot >find a hentai that looks hot >turns out to be a trap hentai >decide to fap to it anyways >can't stop fapping to traps >decide to buy some girly clothing 89 KB JPG and a dildo >dress up and pound myself >c-- I can't stop dressing up and pounding myself what do I do /b/
>be me >browse hentai a lot >find a hentai that looks hot >turns out to be a trap hentai >decide to fap to it anyways >can't stop fapping to traps >decide to buy some girly clothing 89 KB JPG and a dildo >dress up and pound myself >c-- I can't stop dressing up and pounding myself what do I do /b/

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