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Anon is relieved | /r/Greentext

>me >driving my chalk ass around town >sippin on that Wild Cherry Caprisun >goin like 3 mph over the limit 332 KB JPG >redwhite&blue lights behind me >ah, the sight of freedom en route to f--- up minorities >move over to let the pig through >pig follows suit behind me >drive for a few miles more >pig still there >huh must be a mistake >pull over >pig approaches my window >license and registration s--- >tells me l've got a warrant for a lolinapping >kick loli's head on the floorboard to keep that bitch quiet >officer, you must have the wrong guy >GET THE F--- OUT OF THE CAR >pig f------ points his gun at ME >slowly get out of the car >put my hands in the air revealing my Uno TM Reverse Card >cop muttering to himself >yeah mutha f---- give me yo s--- >arrest the former pig and take him in >loli returned safely to her parents >Mayor heralds me town hero Thank god I'm white
>me >driving my chalk ass around town >sippin on that Wild Cherry Caprisun >goin like 3 mph over the limit 332 KB JPG >redwhite&blue lights behind me >ah, the sight of freedom en route to f--- up minorities >move over to let the pig through >pig follows suit behind me >drive for a few miles more >pig still there >huh must be a mistake >pull over >pig approaches my window >license and registration s--- >tells me l've got a warrant for a lolinapping >kick loli's head on the floorboard to keep that bitch quiet >officer, you must have the wrong guy >GET THE F--- OUT OF THE CAR >pig f------ points his gun at ME >slowly get out of the car >put my hands in the air revealing my Uno TM Reverse Card >cop muttering to himself >yeah mutha f---- give me yo s--- >arrest the former pig and take him in >loli returned safely to her parents >Mayor heralds me town hero Thank god I'm white

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Anon remembers the good old days | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/26/21(Sat)12:00:48 No.16339538 >walking into Pizza Hut >that fresh pizza smell hits you >the sound of the arcade machine near the front door 610 KB PNG >that "Please Wait to be Seated" sign making you even more anxiously excited F---, I can still feel it
: Anonymous 06/26/21(Sat)12:00:48 No.16339538 >walking into Pizza Hut >that fresh pizza smell hits you >the sound of the arcade machine near the front door 610 KB PNG >that "Please Wait to be Seated" sign making you even more anxiously excited F---, I can still feel it

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Anon overhears a conversation | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)20:01:37 No.853965943 >be me today >eating on the patio of a restaurant >waitress has another girl shadowing her with a name tag that says "Trainee" >2 middle age women get seated within earshot of me, blonde and brunette 12 KB JPG >same waitress and trainee take their order >hear them say something like "that's just not right" and "I can't believe that" after they order >trainee brings back the waters alone >blonde says "honey, I just wanna say, they should NOT be making you wear a name tag that says t-----" >brunette says "you look great honey that's no one else's business" >f------ burst out laughing so loud everyone turns and looks >trainee girl literally starts crying and runs off >mfw
: Anonymous 05/08/21(Sat)20:01:37 No.853965943 >be me today >eating on the patio of a restaurant >waitress has another girl shadowing her with a name tag that says "Trainee" >2 middle age women get seated within earshot of me, blonde and brunette 12 KB JPG >same waitress and trainee take their order >hear them say something like "that's just not right" and "I can't believe that" after they order >trainee brings back the waters alone >blonde says "honey, I just wanna say, they should NOT be making you wear a name tag that says t-----" >brunette says "you look great honey that's no one else's business" >f------ burst out laughing so loud everyone turns and looks >trainee girl literally starts crying and runs off >mfw

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Anon is an American | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)07:00:34 No.857854419 >be American Bystander Who Intervened in Shooting of Officer Was Fatally Shot by Police >go outside >see someone get shot The police in Arvada, Colo., said a good Samaritan who fatally shot a gunman who had just killed a police officer was himself shot by responding officers. >shoot the shooter >become a hero >get shot by a cop 279 KB JPG
: Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)07:00:34 No.857854419 >be American Bystander Who Intervened in Shooting of Officer Was Fatally Shot by Police >go outside >see someone get shot The police in Arvada, Colo., said a good Samaritan who fatally shot a gunman who had just killed a police officer was himself shot by responding officers. >shoot the shooter >become a hero >get shot by a cop 279 KB JPG

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Anon is an eurotard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)14:52:01 No.857854052 >highest number of prisoners PER CAPITA >highest violent crime rate in the western world >highest number of mass shootings of any developed country >no universal healthcare 140 KB JPG >super high tuition, high student loan debt >richest corporations pay exactly $0 in taxes >2 party political system that produces nothing >staggering amounts of homelessness >has been at war every decade >opioid and prescription pill addicted youth Be sure to celebrate it all on July 4th.
: Anonymous 06/28/21(Mon)14:52:01 No.857854052 >highest number of prisoners PER CAPITA >highest violent crime rate in the western world >highest number of mass shootings of any developed country >no universal healthcare 140 KB JPG >super high tuition, high student loan debt >richest corporations pay exactly $0 in taxes >2 party political system that produces nothing >staggering amounts of homelessness >has been at war every decade >opioid and prescription pill addicted youth Be sure to celebrate it all on July 4th.

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Anon has a squeaky voice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/24/18(Sat)11:42:13 No.785674598 >be 12 >year 8 (Brit f--) >have extremely squeaky voice >in the middle of a test >class doing it with a new supply >talking to my friend >teacher hears and says if no one 104 KB JPG confesses everyone gets a detention >don't confess >only girls get detention because "she heard a girl talk" >mfw the room was silent except me >mfw wasn't sure how to feel about it
: Anonymous 11/24/18(Sat)11:42:13 No.785674598 >be 12 >year 8 (Brit f--) >have extremely squeaky voice >in the middle of a test >class doing it with a new supply >talking to my friend >teacher hears and says if no one 104 KB JPG confesses everyone gets a detention >don't confess >only girls get detention because "she heard a girl talk" >mfw the room was silent except me >mfw wasn't sure how to feel about it

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Anon visits his parents | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Share moments where you f-----(…..) 06/28/21(Mon)11:00:25 No.64345840 SON Literally today >be me >visit parents >zoned out because long drive >mom says she has skin cancer >automatically say "Congratulations" because I'm zoned out I AM DISAPPOINT 400 KB JPG >dad looks disappointed and walks out of the room >mfw pic related 3 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous Share moments where you f-----(…..) 06/28/21(Mon)11:00:25 No.64345840 SON Literally today >be me >visit parents >zoned out because long drive >mom says she has skin cancer >automatically say "Congratulations" because I'm zoned out I AM DISAPPOINT 400 KB JPG >dad looks disappointed and walks out of the room >mfw pic related 3 Replies View Thread

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Anon smokes weed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)21:14:58 No.857820660 >smoke weed everyday >become paranoid >think everyone has a problem with me >start acting wierdly, control every move and thought in case they can read it >people actually start making comments about me I am Mclovin. 17 KB JPG >think I'm just being delusional and no one cares in reality, so respond nothing and change nothing >once in a while a comment is clear enough for me to be sure that someone said it but still feel paranoid and weak so respond nothing and act as if not just me, but everyone else misheard it. That would make my villain look stupid >spiraling down >kys? 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)21:14:58 No.857820660 >smoke weed everyday >become paranoid >think everyone has a problem with me >start acting wierdly, control every move and thought in case they can read it >people actually start making comments about me I am Mclovin. 17 KB JPG >think I'm just being delusional and no one cares in reality, so respond nothing and change nothing >once in a while a comment is clear enough for me to be sure that someone said it but still feel paranoid and weak so respond nothing and act as if not just me, but everyone else misheard it. That would make my villain look stupid >spiraling down >kys? 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon googles greentext | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/14/20(Mon)01:10:39 No.163566498 >Be the protagonist of this new novel >Be a cis man >neat >Put on girl's clothes even though this isn't the specific experience of one British woman >Go into women's bathroom >Go to Twitter app 246 KB PNG >Bully celebrated author JK Rowling for absolutely no reason, she's never been wrong at all, she's actually very smart and good and if you bully her, it's only going to make her opinions come back stronger and more powerful, leave her alone, she's a feminist hero
Anonymous 09/14/20(Mon)01:10:39 No.163566498 >Be the protagonist of this new novel >Be a cis man >neat >Put on girl's clothes even though this isn't the specific experience of one British woman >Go into women's bathroom >Go to Twitter app 246 KB PNG >Bully celebrated author JK Rowling for absolutely no reason, she's never been wrong at all, she's actually very smart and good and if you bully her, it's only going to make her opinions come back stronger and more powerful, leave her alone, she's a feminist hero

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Anon Gets Fit & Gay | /r/Greentext

File: genderidentitychart.jpg (133 KB, 1280x720) O Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)21:11:23 No.857820428 >Try to bit fitness Chad >Walk into local gym >Gym sloots as far as the eyes can see >10/10 thot on leg press >Cheeks could easily suffocate an infant >Get closer look and see the beans and frank Guess i'm gay now happy pride f------
File: genderidentitychart.jpg (133 KB, 1280x720) O Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)21:11:23 No.857820428 >Try to bit fitness Chad >Walk into local gym >Gym sloots as far as the eyes can see >10/10 thot on leg press >Cheeks could easily suffocate an infant >Get closer look and see the beans and frank Guess i'm gay now happy pride f------

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Anon is a poet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: miuDQCso ) 12/08/19(Sun)10:02:09 No.235544335 Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, over many a quaint and curious profile of a tinder w---- while I read it, nearly swiping, suddenly I spied her typing "Kids? Still want them!" starts the griping, "even 122 KB JPG though I'm 44" "Tis impossible," I muttered "having kids at 44" Chance of offspring: nevermore >>235544846 # >>235545117 # >>235546408 # >>235547541 # >>235548662 # >>235552925 # >>235557647 # >>235557957 #
: Anonymous (ID: miuDQCso ) 12/08/19(Sun)10:02:09 No.235544335 Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, over many a quaint and curious profile of a tinder w---- while I read it, nearly swiping, suddenly I spied her typing "Kids? Still want them!" starts the griping, "even 122 KB JPG though I'm 44" "Tis impossible," I muttered "having kids at 44" Chance of offspring: nevermore >>235544846 # >>235545117 # >>235546408 # >>235547541 # >>235548662 # >>235552925 # >>235557647 # >>235557957 #

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Anon does something | /r/Greentext

File: imagem_2021-06-27_152529.png (68 KB, 225x225) O Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)15:28:15 No.857794557 ► >>857794574 >>857794728 >>857795257 >/b/ me >never seen an actual greentext on /b/ >hmmm.jpeg >decide to make one for the funny >be you >reading this >massive f----- >reply "kys" >> O Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)15:28:31 No.857794574 ► >>857794557 (OP) kys
File: imagem_2021-06-27_152529.png (68 KB, 225x225) O Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)15:28:15 No.857794557 ► >>857794574 >>857794728 >>857795257 >/b/ me >never seen an actual greentext on /b/ >hmmm.jpeg >decide to make one for the funny >be you >reading this >massive f----- >reply "kys" >> O Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)15:28:31 No.857794574 ► >>857794557 (OP) kys

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Anon has question | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)18:43:19 No.857810547 >You get handed this at the store as change >wat do ww.N HOLKANN 135 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)18:47:05 No.857810801 >>857810547 (OP) # I immediately burn it and leave the ashes on the counter >>857811083 # : Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)18:47:45 No.857810852 call the police : Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)18:47:58 No.857810867 >>857810547 (OP)_# put it in my wallet and leave the store : Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)18:48:20 No.857810901 i place it at the back of my wallet >>857810939 # >>857811198 # >>857811412 # : Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)18:48:55 No.857810939 >>857810901 # kek
: Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)18:43:19 No.857810547 >You get handed this at the store as change >wat do ww.N HOLKANN 135 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)18:47:05 No.857810801 >>857810547 (OP) # I immediately burn it and leave the ashes on the counter >>857811083 # : Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)18:47:45 No.857810852 call the police : Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)18:47:58 No.857810867 >>857810547 (OP)_# put it in my wallet and leave the store : Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)18:48:20 No.857810901 i place it at the back of my wallet >>857810939 # >>857811198 # >>857811412 # : Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)18:48:55 No.857810939 >>857810901 # kek

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Anon is lucky | /r/Greentext

File: unknown[1].png (120 KB, 287x255) Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)20:12:26 No.857820494 >be me >23 yo virgin >sick of being a virgin >order a h----- online >lives 5 miles away >she arrives and we're walking to my bedroom when she sees my bird room >she asks about my conure budgies and cockatiels >instead of banging we talk about birds and random s--- for 2 hours >she leaves without banging >still virgin >ffw 1 week >i get a knock on the door >its her >i invite her in and ask her why she's here >she says her pimp got shot and thinks im cute so she wants to stay with me >i say ok >ffw 2 years >married with 2 kids, 7 birds i still get to bang her
File: unknown[1].png (120 KB, 287x255) Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)20:12:26 No.857820494 >be me >23 yo virgin >sick of being a virgin >order a h----- online >lives 5 miles away >she arrives and we're walking to my bedroom when she sees my bird room >she asks about my conure budgies and cockatiels >instead of banging we talk about birds and random s--- for 2 hours >she leaves without banging >still virgin >ffw 1 week >i get a knock on the door >its her >i invite her in and ask her why she's here >she says her pimp got shot and thinks im cute so she wants to stay with me >i say ok >ffw 2 years >married with 2 kids, 7 birds i still get to bang her

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anon solves the homeless problem | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)18:57:42 No.857446821 >be me, 28 year old Texas f-- >live in Corpus Christi >love it here but city has a bad homeless problem >get sick of it and take matters into my own hands 272 KB JPG >last week find a hobo walking through grocery store parking lot in morning >strike up conversation and befriend him >offer to pay him $200 if he helps me move furniture out of my house in Austin >he agrees >I don't have house in Austin >we go to Austin, ~4 hour drive >he gets out to use bathroom in gas station in random n---- ghetto >L leave him and drive back to corpus Is relocating the homeless to s--- cities the answer we've been looking for? I think next weekend I'm gonna pick up 3 hobos and leave them in Dallas
: Anonymous 06/22/21(Tue)18:57:42 No.857446821 >be me, 28 year old Texas f-- >live in Corpus Christi >love it here but city has a bad homeless problem >get sick of it and take matters into my own hands 272 KB JPG >last week find a hobo walking through grocery store parking lot in morning >strike up conversation and befriend him >offer to pay him $200 if he helps me move furniture out of my house in Austin >he agrees >I don't have house in Austin >we go to Austin, ~4 hour drive >he gets out to use bathroom in gas station in random n---- ghetto >L leave him and drive back to corpus Is relocating the homeless to s--- cities the answer we've been looking for? I think next weekend I'm gonna pick up 3 hobos and leave them in Dallas

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Anon gets serious | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)21:04:33 No.857819982 Girl suffers life-changing bowel injury after two rounds of a--- sex with n------ Teen suffers life-changing injury trying to imitate p--- >In a tragic case illustrating the sinister effects of online p---, a 16-year-old girl's bowel was so badly injured during group a--- sex that she needs to use a colostomy bag for the rest of her life. 127 KB JPG >The teen reportedly suffered the life-changing injury while copying scenes from the hardcore p--- website BLACKED.COM >But, sadly, Nebraska's 1110 KFAB was told that the girl's horrific experience was just one in a string of serious injuries to result from p----addicted Americans trying to imitate aggressive sex they've watched online. >General Practitioners president Dr. Bastian Seidel said "We have seen a--- fissures more and more. I've seen that more in women, so that's caused by men having a--- sex with women". What we've been noticing just recently is a sharp increase in teenage girls displaying these same complications and unfortunately more serious complications, he said. >KFAB's hard-hitting investigation also revealed the horrendous experience of a woman, "Sarah," whose former boyfriend forced her into having a--- sex. >The 41-year-old was left with nerve damage to her bowel and can no longer cope with hugging her mom because she was so traumatized by the r---. >"In p----------, it's not how it is in real life. It's just not how it is. It looks like they enjoy it, but it really hurts," she said. 9 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 06/27/21(Sun)21:04:33 No.857819982 Girl suffers life-changing bowel injury after two rounds of a--- sex with n------ Teen suffers life-changing injury trying to imitate p--- >In a tragic case illustrating the sinister effects of online p---, a 16-year-old girl's bowel was so badly injured during group a--- sex that she needs to use a colostomy bag for the rest of her life. 127 KB JPG >The teen reportedly suffered the life-changing injury while copying scenes from the hardcore p--- website BLACKED.COM >But, sadly, Nebraska's 1110 KFAB was told that the girl's horrific experience was just one in a string of serious injuries to result from p----addicted Americans trying to imitate aggressive sex they've watched online. >General Practitioners president Dr. Bastian Seidel said "We have seen a--- fissures more and more. I've seen that more in women, so that's caused by men having a--- sex with women". What we've been noticing just recently is a sharp increase in teenage girls displaying these same complications and unfortunately more serious complications, he said. >KFAB's hard-hitting investigation also revealed the horrendous experience of a woman, "Sarah," whose former boyfriend forced her into having a--- sex. >The 41-year-old was left with nerve damage to her bowel and can no longer cope with hugging her mom because she was so traumatized by the r---. >"In p----------, it's not how it is in real life. It's just not how it is. It looks like they enjoy it, but it really hurts," she said. 9 Replies View Thread

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Anon gets laid | /r/Greentext

>>857842376 (OP) # >be me >lose virginity with a chick that me and my best friend were both into >save the used condom in a bag >show it to him the next day 42 KB JPG Yeah l've got the 'tism, still got laid tho.
>>857842376 (OP) # >be me >lose virginity with a chick that me and my best friend were both into >save the used condom in a bag >show it to him the next day 42 KB JPG Yeah l've got the 'tism, still got laid tho.

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Anon is retarded | /r/Greentext

RJDNZ2X/ (OP) 3h (6/28 6:48) · 38230918 19 Re · 3 Img · PNG · 13KB · (882 × 758) 9 Replies >doing a presentation at work >get a little nervous >take a sip from my water bottle >forgot the cap was on >hold it like l'm drinking for a couple of seconds >let it down >continue speaking >start hearing chuckling from co-workers
RJDNZ2X/ (OP) 3h (6/28 6:48) · 38230918 19 Re · 3 Img · PNG · 13KB · (882 × 758) 9 Replies >doing a presentation at work >get a little nervous >take a sip from my water bottle >forgot the cap was on >hold it like l'm drinking for a couple of seconds >let it down >continue speaking >start hearing chuckling from co-workers

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anon looks like rock hudson | /r/Greentext


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Anons mom leave him alone to use bathroom. | /r/Greentext


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