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Anon farts | /r/Greentext


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Anon is a doctor | /r/Greentext

> be me > think i have diabetes > if your piss is sweet you are sick with it > decide to try it > piss in a spoon > try it, no taste, nothing > f---, maybe i have corona instead 4 KB PNG > maybe i can smell it? > smell piss > sniff a little bit of piss into my nose > its really salty > still have no taste of it > but i know i dont have diabetes >
> be me > think i have diabetes > if your piss is sweet you are sick with it > decide to try it > piss in a spoon > try it, no taste, nothing > f---, maybe i have corona instead 4 KB PNG > maybe i can smell it? > smell piss > sniff a little bit of piss into my nose > its really salty > still have no taste of it > but i know i dont have diabetes >

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Anon keeps his job. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/19/18(Mon)12:21:55 No.4398047 ITT: Post your arch-nemesis and why (ays I'll start. >Be me >In college >Work at burger place on campus (will be 560 KB JPG left unnamed for privacy) >Not fancy, but not fast food either >Theres this one tard that walks in pretty much every f------ day without his parents >hes like 10 or something >We'll call him Big Tard (he was, to put it lightly, very chubby) >Smells like he hasn't showered in his lifetime >No idea how he even gets here >Every time he comes, he asks for "poato chip" >We don't have potato chips >Whenever I tell him, he gets visibly upset and stands there a while, then f---- off >Tell my manager >She says not to worry about it, leave the guy alone, hes probably just a kid with a mental disability Fast forward to a week or so after I tell my manager >Big Tard comes in with a bright idea >Asks for "potato chip" as usual >I tell him the same thing, trying my best to stay calm >He shouts at the top of his lungs "WHERE IS MY POTATO CHIP" >hes never shouted like this before >tell him to calm down, i dont have any, tell him that theres a convenience store like 2 blocks away >"MOMMY SAID I CAN HAVE POTATO CHIP" >Throws an absolute f------ tantrum >People sitting down look at me like I've done something horrible >He eventually gets tired and leaves after like 10 minutes of tantruming >One customer goes up to me >"You can't treat that kid like that" >Explain >He asks for my manager >Manager gets p----- (she's kinda uptight) >She gives me an official warning >p----- the next day >Big Tard comes in >ohno.png >He does the same f------ thing as the previous day >Manager sees >She gets p----- AGAIN >noneofthisismyfault.jpg >She f------ WRITES ME UP >That night, I begin to plan revenge on my bitch of a boss, but mostly on Big Tard >Want to get them both in one blow >idea.mp4 >Run to store >Buy bag of potato chips The next day >Thursday >l have closing duty on Thursdays (will be important later) >big Tard walks in >Demands potato chip >Tell him that I can order some for him to be shipped in, but l'l need his mommy's phone number >He doesn't even f------ question it >An hour later, he shows up with a sticky note with a phone number on it >Note absolutely reeks, don't want to touch it, but the revenge will be worth it >Tell him to come tomorrow at 8 AM sharp (when the store opens) >Say that there will be potato chips right behind the counter no matter what >He's a little annoyed about waiting, but he f---- off for the day A few hours later >Everyone else leaves >Before closing >Tape potato chips under countertop The next day >Call in sick to work >Manager always is the one who covers the counter when I'm gone >Grab phone >Ask friend to drive me to restaurant >He agrees >Tell him to park across the street and stay for a while >He's a bit confused, but he listens >Big Tard waiting outside before store opens, desperate to get in >Pull out phone, open camera >Zoom in on Big Tard (brand new phone, so I can zoom in pretty far with decent video quality) >Start recording > Store opens >Manager hasn't noticed potato chips taped to counter >Big Tard walks in >Demands "potato chip" >Manager says the usual >He tells her about the order I supposedly placed >She has no clue >He gets f------ p----- >She says she has no clue what hes talking about >He climbs over the f------ counter >She tries to stop him >He f------ PUNCHES HER with all of his tard strength >He sees the chips I planted and immediately rips them out from the tape >Screams louder than ever before right into manager's ear "LIAR! LIAR! STEALING MY POTATO CHIP!" >She tries to restrain him >He kicks her shin and steps on her foot >Runs out the door >I have it all on video >Send to his mom The next day >Manager p----- at me but worth it >Big Tard walks in with mom >She apologizes for everything he's done >Big Tard never shows up again >Victory >>43981146 # >>43981764 # >>43982074 #
: Anonymous 03/19/18(Mon)12:21:55 No.4398047 ITT: Post your arch-nemesis and why (ays I'll start. >Be me >In college >Work at burger place on campus (will be 560 KB JPG left unnamed for privacy) >Not fancy, but not fast food either >Theres this one tard that walks in pretty much every f------ day without his parents >hes like 10 or something >We'll call him Big Tard (he was, to put it lightly, very chubby) >Smells like he hasn't showered in his lifetime >No idea how he even gets here >Every time he comes, he asks for "poato chip" >We don't have potato chips >Whenever I tell him, he gets visibly upset and stands there a while, then f---- off >Tell my manager >She says not to worry about it, leave the guy alone, hes probably just a kid with a mental disability Fast forward to a week or so after I tell my manager >Big Tard comes in with a bright idea >Asks for "potato chip" as usual >I tell him the same thing, trying my best to stay calm >He shouts at the top of his lungs "WHERE IS MY POTATO CHIP" >hes never shouted like this before >tell him to calm down, i dont have any, tell him that theres a convenience store like 2 blocks away >"MOMMY SAID I CAN HAVE POTATO CHIP" >Throws an absolute f------ tantrum >People sitting down look at me like I've done something horrible >He eventually gets tired and leaves after like 10 minutes of tantruming >One customer goes up to me >"You can't treat that kid like that" >Explain >He asks for my manager >Manager gets p----- (she's kinda uptight) >She gives me an official warning >p----- the next day >Big Tard comes in >ohno.png >He does the same f------ thing as the previous day >Manager sees >She gets p----- AGAIN >noneofthisismyfault.jpg >She f------ WRITES ME UP >That night, I begin to plan revenge on my bitch of a boss, but mostly on Big Tard >Want to get them both in one blow >idea.mp4 >Run to store >Buy bag of potato chips The next day >Thursday >l have closing duty on Thursdays (will be important later) >big Tard walks in >Demands potato chip >Tell him that I can order some for him to be shipped in, but l'l need his mommy's phone number >He doesn't even f------ question it >An hour later, he shows up with a sticky note with a phone number on it >Note absolutely reeks, don't want to touch it, but the revenge will be worth it >Tell him to come tomorrow at 8 AM sharp (when the store opens) >Say that there will be potato chips right behind the counter no matter what >He's a little annoyed about waiting, but he f---- off for the day A few hours later >Everyone else leaves >Before closing >Tape potato chips under countertop The next day >Call in sick to work >Manager always is the one who covers the counter when I'm gone >Grab phone >Ask friend to drive me to restaurant >He agrees >Tell him to park across the street and stay for a while >He's a bit confused, but he listens >Big Tard waiting outside before store opens, desperate to get in >Pull out phone, open camera >Zoom in on Big Tard (brand new phone, so I can zoom in pretty far with decent video quality) >Start recording > Store opens >Manager hasn't noticed potato chips taped to counter >Big Tard walks in >Demands "potato chip" >Manager says the usual >He tells her about the order I supposedly placed >She has no clue >He gets f------ p----- >She says she has no clue what hes talking about >He climbs over the f------ counter >She tries to stop him >He f------ PUNCHES HER with all of his tard strength >He sees the chips I planted and immediately rips them out from the tape >Screams louder than ever before right into manager's ear "LIAR! LIAR! STEALING MY POTATO CHIP!" >She tries to restrain him >He kicks her shin and steps on her foot >Runs out the door >I have it all on video >Send to his mom The next day >Manager p----- at me but worth it >Big Tard walks in with mom >She apologizes for everything he's done >Big Tard never shows up again >Victory >>43981146 # >>43981764 # >>43982074 #

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Poor anon... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)03:43:20 No.861077570 >Be me > 12yo >Normal day at school >gym locker room >changing to gym clothing >hear yelling at the other lockers while changing 54 KB JPG >Dude has an empty plastic water bottle >crowd near him >all of them watch him whip out his dong and piss inside the bottle >piss was cloudy as hell >mfw he started drinking it >finishes it and start the period normally I just wanted to exercise
: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)03:43:20 No.861077570 >Be me > 12yo >Normal day at school >gym locker room >changing to gym clothing >hear yelling at the other lockers while changing 54 KB JPG >Dude has an empty plastic water bottle >crowd near him >all of them watch him whip out his dong and piss inside the bottle >piss was cloudy as hell >mfw he started drinking it >finishes it and start the period normally I just wanted to exercise

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anon cant comprehend twitter | /r/Greentext


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anon is relatable | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)07:55:47 No.64986777 >have something to do >put it off until the 11th hour >finally do it in an adrenaline fueled panic >wow that was easy, why didn't I do it earlier 90 KB GIF Every time.
: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)07:55:47 No.64986777 >have something to do >put it off until the 11th hour >finally do it in an adrenaline fueled panic >wow that was easy, why didn't I do it earlier 90 KB GIF Every time.

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Anon ruins a moment | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)20:49:42 No.861103952 >be me >need to take a s--- >go to toilet >the same time as i go in i hear my brother outside >he found out his girlfriend cheated on him >window is slightly opened >can't close it because taking a s--- >hear everything >have the loudest most vile s--- ever >sounds like a portal to hell opening >at the same time hear brother arguing with his girlfriend >they're both crying >pretty sure they can hear the reckoning sorry for ruining an emotional moment for you bro
Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)20:49:42 No.861103952 >be me >need to take a s--- >go to toilet >the same time as i go in i hear my brother outside >he found out his girlfriend cheated on him >window is slightly opened >can't close it because taking a s--- >hear everything >have the loudest most vile s--- ever >sounds like a portal to hell opening >at the same time hear brother arguing with his girlfriend >they're both crying >pretty sure they can hear the reckoning sorry for ruining an emotional moment for you bro

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Anon tells story about a ham sandwich. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/31/13(Thu)19:11:53 No.513691304 I witnessed the most horrific Tard event. >Be in school >walking down crowded corridor 214 KB PNG >Spot tard holding sandwich >This tard is known for flipping out violently and a wrangler is nowhere to be seen. >Suddenly, amongst the crowd, someone bumps into the tard and knocks his sandwich out his hand. >A slice of ham lands on some quiet kid who is by his locker >ohgodno.avi >Like the horns of Jericho, the tard lets out noise that could bring down the walls of a fortress >He leaps on the quiet kid and tackles him to the ground, eyes glazed over in feral rage >ohshitnigger.jpg >The tard sinks his teeth into this kid's upper thigh, but somehow still roaring >little did I know, thta the quiet kid was suffering from PTSD from a violent dog attack >He flips his s--- and unleashes an epic 45-hit fist combo into the tards face >As the punches keep landing, the tard's face is slowly becoming mushier and redder >The tard increases his bite strengh and his growl grows louder >The quiet kid is now bawling his eyes out but he doesn't cease his furious punching >Blood is beginning to be splattered about the hall from the tard's face >the bite mark is now flowing freely with blood as well >like lightning, the quiet kid grabs the tard's forehead with one hand and right hooks him in the jaw with the other. >audiblecrack.mp3 >the tard flops off the kid and begins writing on the floor, smearing blood and saliva everywhere >the quiet kid looks at his bloodsoaked fists, pukes and passes out (probably from the pain of the bite) >MFW he broke a tard's jaw to free himself >MFW the hallway looks like the f------ somme >MFW at least 10 kids had to have counselling after seeing this Also, Tard stories general.
Anonymous 10/31/13(Thu)19:11:53 No.513691304 I witnessed the most horrific Tard event. >Be in school >walking down crowded corridor 214 KB PNG >Spot tard holding sandwich >This tard is known for flipping out violently and a wrangler is nowhere to be seen. >Suddenly, amongst the crowd, someone bumps into the tard and knocks his sandwich out his hand. >A slice of ham lands on some quiet kid who is by his locker >ohgodno.avi >Like the horns of Jericho, the tard lets out noise that could bring down the walls of a fortress >He leaps on the quiet kid and tackles him to the ground, eyes glazed over in feral rage >ohshitnigger.jpg >The tard sinks his teeth into this kid's upper thigh, but somehow still roaring >little did I know, thta the quiet kid was suffering from PTSD from a violent dog attack >He flips his s--- and unleashes an epic 45-hit fist combo into the tards face >As the punches keep landing, the tard's face is slowly becoming mushier and redder >The tard increases his bite strengh and his growl grows louder >The quiet kid is now bawling his eyes out but he doesn't cease his furious punching >Blood is beginning to be splattered about the hall from the tard's face >the bite mark is now flowing freely with blood as well >like lightning, the quiet kid grabs the tard's forehead with one hand and right hooks him in the jaw with the other. >audiblecrack.mp3 >the tard flops off the kid and begins writing on the floor, smearing blood and saliva everywhere >the quiet kid looks at his bloodsoaked fists, pukes and passes out (probably from the pain of the bite) >MFW he broke a tard's jaw to free himself >MFW the hallway looks like the f------ somme >MFW at least 10 kids had to have counselling after seeing this Also, Tard stories general.

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Anon Knows Gun Fu | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)13:53:43 No.63051822 INSIDER Taekwondo Olympian beaten up and requires surgery after random street attack bdawson@insider.com (Bethany Dawson) 6 hrs ago O Like O 71 Comments 117 1 Microsoft tae kwon dont.jpg 72 KB JPG >learns martial arts for self defense BAND
: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)13:53:43 No.63051822 INSIDER Taekwondo Olympian beaten up and requires surgery after random street attack bdawson@insider.com (Bethany Dawson) 6 hrs ago O Like O 71 Comments 117 1 Microsoft tae kwon dont.jpg 72 KB JPG >learns martial arts for self defense BAND

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Anon is self-destructive | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)23:09:07 No.64992375 >Be me >18, soon to be 19 >work has party once a year, most people who work there are in between 16-20, so everybody gets super drunk/high >Im s-------- and start talking to 13 KB JPG one of my coworkers and we hit it off >hook up after party >ffw a week later, she clearly caught feelings, weve hung out a few times since then and hooked up again >sent her a pic she wanted to have while hanging out >my contact name on her phone says my love >i dont really feel the same way towards her >find out shes 16 1/2 >barely legal for us to have sex in my state >dont feel comfortable continuing relationship, especially because of her age, and im going to college soon and dont want a long distance relationship >Dont want to tell her how i feel because it would break her heart and it would make things at work really awkward What the f--- do i do?
: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)23:09:07 No.64992375 >Be me >18, soon to be 19 >work has party once a year, most people who work there are in between 16-20, so everybody gets super drunk/high >Im s-------- and start talking to 13 KB JPG one of my coworkers and we hit it off >hook up after party >ffw a week later, she clearly caught feelings, weve hung out a few times since then and hooked up again >sent her a pic she wanted to have while hanging out >my contact name on her phone says my love >i dont really feel the same way towards her >find out shes 16 1/2 >barely legal for us to have sex in my state >dont feel comfortable continuing relationship, especially because of her age, and im going to college soon and dont want a long distance relationship >Dont want to tell her how i feel because it would break her heart and it would make things at work really awkward What the f--- do i do?

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Anon is back | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/11/18(Tue)18:08:13 No.48077412 >be me >get banned from 4chan for 3 months >wack.jpg >unironically got a job >making some decent money and can pay for my own vidya >actually met a girl and eventually we get 98 KB PNG together >life is actually going pretty well >be 3 months later at work >realize that i've became a normie >decides to visit 4chan for old time sake >boss saw me scroll through some nsfw s--- >gets fired >no more money >relationship in shambles cuz no money >at least i can post on 4chan again im back robros : Anonymous 09/11/18(Tue)18:09:03 No.48077422 welcome back retard f-----
: Anonymous 09/11/18(Tue)18:08:13 No.48077412 >be me >get banned from 4chan for 3 months >wack.jpg >unironically got a job >making some decent money and can pay for my own vidya >actually met a girl and eventually we get 98 KB PNG together >life is actually going pretty well >be 3 months later at work >realize that i've became a normie >decides to visit 4chan for old time sake >boss saw me scroll through some nsfw s--- >gets fired >no more money >relationship in shambles cuz no money >at least i can post on 4chan again im back robros : Anonymous 09/11/18(Tue)18:09:03 No.48077422 welcome back retard f-----

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Prayers for this madlad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/14/21(Sat)01:13:55 No.2075703 »2075650 This behavior is borderline Sigma >goes to Afghanistan right when the LCAME Taliban is taking over >openly walks the streets and has no care in the world 31 KB JPG >is hanging out in a city that is about to become the 21st century equivalent of Saigon >posts his picture AND his entire name on 4chan, a site notorious for punishing those that breach the enforced anonymity >gives zero f---- about all caution or advice contrary to his own plans Miles, you are a f------ madlad and I really wish you all the best. I hope if I see you on the news, it will be about how you managed a daring escape from the clutches of the Taliban. If you die, you will die a legend, but if you live, you will return to civilization as a hero. >>2075790 #
: Anonymous 08/14/21(Sat)01:13:55 No.2075703 »2075650 This behavior is borderline Sigma >goes to Afghanistan right when the LCAME Taliban is taking over >openly walks the streets and has no care in the world 31 KB JPG >is hanging out in a city that is about to become the 21st century equivalent of Saigon >posts his picture AND his entire name on 4chan, a site notorious for punishing those that breach the enforced anonymity >gives zero f---- about all caution or advice contrary to his own plans Miles, you are a f------ madlad and I really wish you all the best. I hope if I see you on the news, it will be about how you managed a daring escape from the clutches of the Taliban. If you die, you will die a legend, but if you live, you will return to civilization as a hero. >>2075790 #

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Anon loves his dog Rusty | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)21:02:00 No.221083 >have to leave town for a week >leave Rusty at parents' place >come back next week >Rusty is so excited to see me he jumps into my arms I love Rusty and it warms my heart he loves me too
: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)21:02:00 No.221083 >have to leave town for a week >leave Rusty at parents' place >come back next week >Rusty is so excited to see me he jumps into my arms I love Rusty and it warms my heart he loves me too

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The what now?!? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)14:44:07 No.861088347 >dad found the piss freezer OD 4 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)14:44:07 No.861088347 >dad found the piss freezer OD 4 KB JPG

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Anon finds a loophole | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:08:26 No.52625171 Just found a loop hole in the the system lads >be me >want steroids for quick gains >live in small town so I cant get them easily 21 KB PNG >hear about female to male hormone treatment >basically pure testosterone in a pill >idea.jpg >order a few months supply Muscle city here I come Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:18:41 No.526 >>52625211 # Ya I'm trans alright. Male to alpha male >>52625279 # >>52625320 # >>52625346 # >>52625362 #
: Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:08:26 No.52625171 Just found a loop hole in the the system lads >be me >want steroids for quick gains >live in small town so I cant get them easily 21 KB PNG >hear about female to male hormone treatment >basically pure testosterone in a pill >idea.jpg >order a few months supply Muscle city here I come Anonymous 10/02/19(Wed)09:18:41 No.526 >>52625211 # Ya I'm trans alright. Male to alpha male >>52625279 # >>52625320 # >>52625346 # >>52625362 #

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Anon’s resident ghost | /r/Greentext

Fapping with a ghost >been about 69% percent sure my room is haunted >literally just my room, not the rest of the trailer >heard a whisper right next to my ear once, couldn't make out what it said >see a few shadows in plain sight, not those "out of the corner of my eye" things >pretty sure I saw an imprint just produce in front of my eyes once, right on my bed. The blankets kinda depressed downwards, and logic dictates wind doesn't happen indoors >be right now >dark room, lights off, night time >single candle that smells like a red Tootsie pop, feelsgoodman >wanna fap >nervous that the ghost is watching that I'm still only 68% sure exists Should I just do it, lads? Do I fap in front of the ghost and have it silently judge me, or settle for the cold porcelain seat in my bathroom? Anonymous| 34900285 1 hr. ago Kill the ghost with your semen space ranger Anonymous | 34900295 1 hr. ago F--- the ghost, dumbass.
Fapping with a ghost >been about 69% percent sure my room is haunted >literally just my room, not the rest of the trailer >heard a whisper right next to my ear once, couldn't make out what it said >see a few shadows in plain sight, not those "out of the corner of my eye" things >pretty sure I saw an imprint just produce in front of my eyes once, right on my bed. The blankets kinda depressed downwards, and logic dictates wind doesn't happen indoors >be right now >dark room, lights off, night time >single candle that smells like a red Tootsie pop, feelsgoodman >wanna fap >nervous that the ghost is watching that I'm still only 68% sure exists Should I just do it, lads? Do I fap in front of the ghost and have it silently judge me, or settle for the cold porcelain seat in my bathroom? Anonymous| 34900285 1 hr. ago Kill the ghost with your semen space ranger Anonymous | 34900295 1 hr. ago F--- the ghost, dumbass.

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Anon finds hope in life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)17:27:23 No.64988823 >be me >19 yo hugless virgin >mentally f----- after years of loneliness, self esteem ruined from being called s--- at school, hate myself with passion >one day qt3.14 groupmate I had a crush on says I look like some 8 KB JPG singer >google him, looks like a f------ idiot >"Is that an insult?" >she starts laughing "No, it's not" >think she hates me, tell my online friend later >"Bro, she wants to f--- you, text her" >w-- she compared me to some clown no >starts spamming me to text her, calls me like 20 different slurs >get done with his s--- after an hour, text her with "Alright, let it be a compliment" so my friend f---- off >we start dating a week later >still my girlfriend after almost three months >mfw I would've been single cause of my retardation if my friend didn't bully me into texting a girl
: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)17:27:23 No.64988823 >be me >19 yo hugless virgin >mentally f----- after years of loneliness, self esteem ruined from being called s--- at school, hate myself with passion >one day qt3.14 groupmate I had a crush on says I look like some 8 KB JPG singer >google him, looks like a f------ idiot >"Is that an insult?" >she starts laughing "No, it's not" >think she hates me, tell my online friend later >"Bro, she wants to f--- you, text her" >w-- she compared me to some clown no >starts spamming me to text her, calls me like 20 different slurs >get done with his s--- after an hour, text her with "Alright, let it be a compliment" so my friend f---- off >we start dating a week later >still my girlfriend after almost three months >mfw I would've been single cause of my retardation if my friend didn't bully me into texting a girl

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Slavanon tells American students how to eat cheap | /r/Greentext

: SŁAWOMIR KERJA 08/14/21(Sat)18:34:26 No.16552883 ALRIGHT S----- AMERICAN DOGS. BUCKLE F--- UP, THIS SLAV HERE LIVE ON ~40$ A MONTH FOR FOOD FOR 2 YEARS STRAIGHT PREREQUISITES: >FAMILY IN THE VILLAGE, IF NOT DO STEAL >ALL TOOL AVAILABLE ALREADY >>b-but what if I don't ha- HAMMER + STOLEN ROADSIDE SHEET METAL + SHARP ROCK MAKE PAN/WOK/POT F--- YOU. BOIL WATER IN ONCE TO KILL TETANUS. FOOD: >YOU ONLY NEED 2000 CALORIES PER DAY, EAT IN 1 MEAL FORGET ALL OTHER MEAL EAT 1 PER DAY IF YOU EAT MORE WHEN STUDENT AND NOT WORKING YOU TURN INTO FAT F--- >BUY BIGGEST AMOUNT POSSIBLE FOR FIRST PURCHASE TO GET SCALE DISCOUNT >20KG SACK OF RICE CHEAPEST AVAILABLE (USE SURPLUS INTO NEXT MONTH, RATION) >2 POTATO FOR 1 DAY FOOD RATION 62 IN 1 MONTH, SURPLUS INTO NEXT MONTH DEPEND OF SIZE OF SACK. AGAIN CHEAPEST >CHEAPEST BEAN CAN YOU CAN FIND 1/4 CAN PER DAY INTO FOOD RATION >APPLE FOR VITAMIN AND ALCOHOL, PICK UP FROM APPLE TREES IN YOUR AREA S--- IS FREE. IF WANT TO KNOW HOW MAKE APPLE ALCOHOL F--- YOU USE YANDEX >AS MUCH S--- AS YOU CAN FORAGE, NO MATTER WHAT EAT IF CAN EAT DO EAT. HOW COOK: >THROW RICE INTO POT AND BOIL UNTIL READY >THROW POTATOS INTO SECOND POT AND BOIL UNTIL READY >THROW S--- ALL TOGETHER INTO BIG POT AND MIX WITH BEAN AND APPLE AND FOUND S--- WHEN FORAGING UNTIL GOOD MIX DONE >EAT >>16554198 # : SŁAWOMIR KERJA 08/14/21(Sat)18:55:05 No.16552976 HERE A MORE SOPHISTICATED RECIPE I LIKED TO MAKE INGERIDIENT OF: >PIGEON EGGS AS MUCH AS YOU CAN FIND >MUSHROOMS FROM FOREST NEAR TOWN, DRIED, LAWS FORBID COLLECTION BECAUSE CHERNOBYL RADIATION BUT NOT GIVE F---, LIVE THEN MORE IMPORTANT THAN LIVE LATER >CARROTS I STOLE FROM FARMERS IN NIGHT AND CARROT FROM FAMILY IN VILLAGE >POTATO STOLEN AND FROM VILLAGE >BLACK PEPPER I SHOPLIFTED WHEN BUYING RICE AND POTATO AND BEANS >RICE >BEANS >CANNED PAPRYKA (RARE TREAT) HOW OF: >CUT INTO PIECES AND THROW VEGETABLE S--- AND MUSHROOM ALL ONTO BAKING SHEET >ADD WATER FOR RICE TO BOIL >BREAK EGGS ONTO >SEASON WITH BLACK PEPPER AND SALT IF HAVE >MIX WELL >PUT IN OVEN IF NOT HAVE OVEN GO OUTSIDE AND MAKE A BIG FIRE, TAKE TRASHCAN, PUT HORIZONTAL, THROW TRASH OUT OF IT, PUT IN YOUR METAL SHEET WITH FOOD ON IT AND CLOSE LID, PUT ON BIG FIRE YOU MAKE AND WAIT UNTIL DONE >TAKE FOOD OUT OF TRASHCAN AND ENJOY KINGS MEAL >>16554198 #
: SŁAWOMIR KERJA 08/14/21(Sat)18:34:26 No.16552883 ALRIGHT S----- AMERICAN DOGS. BUCKLE F--- UP, THIS SLAV HERE LIVE ON ~40$ A MONTH FOR FOOD FOR 2 YEARS STRAIGHT PREREQUISITES: >FAMILY IN THE VILLAGE, IF NOT DO STEAL >ALL TOOL AVAILABLE ALREADY >>b-but what if I don't ha- HAMMER + STOLEN ROADSIDE SHEET METAL + SHARP ROCK MAKE PAN/WOK/POT F--- YOU. BOIL WATER IN ONCE TO KILL TETANUS. FOOD: >YOU ONLY NEED 2000 CALORIES PER DAY, EAT IN 1 MEAL FORGET ALL OTHER MEAL EAT 1 PER DAY IF YOU EAT MORE WHEN STUDENT AND NOT WORKING YOU TURN INTO FAT F--- >BUY BIGGEST AMOUNT POSSIBLE FOR FIRST PURCHASE TO GET SCALE DISCOUNT >20KG SACK OF RICE CHEAPEST AVAILABLE (USE SURPLUS INTO NEXT MONTH, RATION) >2 POTATO FOR 1 DAY FOOD RATION 62 IN 1 MONTH, SURPLUS INTO NEXT MONTH DEPEND OF SIZE OF SACK. AGAIN CHEAPEST >CHEAPEST BEAN CAN YOU CAN FIND 1/4 CAN PER DAY INTO FOOD RATION >APPLE FOR VITAMIN AND ALCOHOL, PICK UP FROM APPLE TREES IN YOUR AREA S--- IS FREE. IF WANT TO KNOW HOW MAKE APPLE ALCOHOL F--- YOU USE YANDEX >AS MUCH S--- AS YOU CAN FORAGE, NO MATTER WHAT EAT IF CAN EAT DO EAT. HOW COOK: >THROW RICE INTO POT AND BOIL UNTIL READY >THROW POTATOS INTO SECOND POT AND BOIL UNTIL READY >THROW S--- ALL TOGETHER INTO BIG POT AND MIX WITH BEAN AND APPLE AND FOUND S--- WHEN FORAGING UNTIL GOOD MIX DONE >EAT >>16554198 # : SŁAWOMIR KERJA 08/14/21(Sat)18:55:05 No.16552976 HERE A MORE SOPHISTICATED RECIPE I LIKED TO MAKE INGERIDIENT OF: >PIGEON EGGS AS MUCH AS YOU CAN FIND >MUSHROOMS FROM FOREST NEAR TOWN, DRIED, LAWS FORBID COLLECTION BECAUSE CHERNOBYL RADIATION BUT NOT GIVE F---, LIVE THEN MORE IMPORTANT THAN LIVE LATER >CARROTS I STOLE FROM FARMERS IN NIGHT AND CARROT FROM FAMILY IN VILLAGE >POTATO STOLEN AND FROM VILLAGE >BLACK PEPPER I SHOPLIFTED WHEN BUYING RICE AND POTATO AND BEANS >RICE >BEANS >CANNED PAPRYKA (RARE TREAT) HOW OF: >CUT INTO PIECES AND THROW VEGETABLE S--- AND MUSHROOM ALL ONTO BAKING SHEET >ADD WATER FOR RICE TO BOIL >BREAK EGGS ONTO >SEASON WITH BLACK PEPPER AND SALT IF HAVE >MIX WELL >PUT IN OVEN IF NOT HAVE OVEN GO OUTSIDE AND MAKE A BIG FIRE, TAKE TRASHCAN, PUT HORIZONTAL, THROW TRASH OUT OF IT, PUT IN YOUR METAL SHEET WITH FOOD ON IT AND CLOSE LID, PUT ON BIG FIRE YOU MAKE AND WAIT UNTIL DONE >TAKE FOOD OUT OF TRASHCAN AND ENJOY KINGS MEAL >>16554198 #

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Anon is hungry | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/28/19(Tue)08:46:58 No.52633633 >name Hep >Hep very small, very hungry >no have tribe, all day hunt small meat in bush >one day find big pig in big bush >pig needs lots of bonks, but Hep keep trying >bad pig go to sleep, Hep eat pig 9 KB PNG >no more hungry, and still have meat >Hep tired from doing bonks >put meat in pack, Hep did good job today >hug pack, Hep go to sleep >but then hear noise >open eyes, wild wuff sniff Hep >Hep scared, but stay very still >Wuff small, Wuff just bone >no wuff tribe, wuff all alone >Hep all alone too >Open pack, take meat in hand >Give to Wuff >Wuff take meat, no take hand >Wuff yawn, lay down >Hep and wuff hunt together now >Wuff find meat, Hep bonk meat >play game like catch-bone, chase, play-fight >Hep hug Wuff when sleep, no more cold >Hep not alone, Wuff gud fren What your gud fren story?
: Anonymous 05/28/19(Tue)08:46:58 No.52633633 >name Hep >Hep very small, very hungry >no have tribe, all day hunt small meat in bush >one day find big pig in big bush >pig needs lots of bonks, but Hep keep trying >bad pig go to sleep, Hep eat pig 9 KB PNG >no more hungry, and still have meat >Hep tired from doing bonks >put meat in pack, Hep did good job today >hug pack, Hep go to sleep >but then hear noise >open eyes, wild wuff sniff Hep >Hep scared, but stay very still >Wuff small, Wuff just bone >no wuff tribe, wuff all alone >Hep all alone too >Open pack, take meat in hand >Give to Wuff >Wuff take meat, no take hand >Wuff yawn, lay down >Hep and wuff hunt together now >Wuff find meat, Hep bonk meat >play game like catch-bone, chase, play-fight >Hep hug Wuff when sleep, no more cold >Hep not alone, Wuff gud fren What your gud fren story?

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Bleak house | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)09:27:14 No.64987623 >work factory at night with a guy >he's kinda funny >ask him if he wants to drink some beer on friday after work >"sure" >go to his apartment >put beer in fridge >2 dollar store chicken sandwiches in fridge >nothing else in kitchen >only furniture is two lawn chairs and a cot he sleeps on >sit in a lawn chair >there is literally nothing else in this apartment >ask him how long he's been in this apartment >"2 years' >ask him what the s--- he does when he's not working >"i honestly just j------- to p--- on my cell phone and go to sleep" what a life >>64987661 #
: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)09:27:14 No.64987623 >work factory at night with a guy >he's kinda funny >ask him if he wants to drink some beer on friday after work >"sure" >go to his apartment >put beer in fridge >2 dollar store chicken sandwiches in fridge >nothing else in kitchen >only furniture is two lawn chairs and a cot he sleeps on >sit in a lawn chair >there is literally nothing else in this apartment >ask him how long he's been in this apartment >"2 years' >ask him what the s--- he does when he's not working >"i honestly just j------- to p--- on my cell phone and go to sleep" what a life >>64987661 #

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