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Anon asks a provocative question | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/24/19(Sun)20:12:58 No.55496843 why don't you just date an attractive woman? >pleasant to look at >sex is better >will make you happier and more confident 58 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/24/19(Sun)20:14:27 No.55496858 Why the f--- didn't I think of this, thanks OP >>55496890 #
: Anonymous 11/24/19(Sun)20:12:58 No.55496843 why don't you just date an attractive woman? >pleasant to look at >sex is better >will make you happier and more confident 58 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/24/19(Sun)20:14:27 No.55496858 Why the f--- didn't I think of this, thanks OP >>55496890 #

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Anon doesn’t think you can park there | /r/Greentext

>laying in bed >hear big car accident >bang_ding_ow.mp3 >poke head out window >crumpled demolished car on side of road 8 KB JPG >man Is in hysterics over his bloodied unresponsive wife >car is on double yellow lines >"you can't park there sir" >hehe >go back to floor bed
>laying in bed >hear big car accident >bang_ding_ow.mp3 >poke head out window >crumpled demolished car on side of road 8 KB JPG >man Is in hysterics over his bloodied unresponsive wife >car is on double yellow lines >"you can't park there sir" >hehe >go back to floor bed

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Anon goes on discord | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)17:29:30 No.872749644 >be in discord server >join minecraft vc >"I AIN'T EATING UR SUSSY STEW BRUH GET AWAY FROM ME" >leave minecraft vc 13 KB PNG
: Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)17:29:30 No.872749644 >be in discord server >join minecraft vc >"I AIN'T EATING UR SUSSY STEW BRUH GET AWAY FROM ME" >leave minecraft vc 13 KB PNG

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Anon got falsely accused. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/22(Wed)01:15:28 No.872755011 >be me >early twenties, senior year of college >when I was a freshman I hooked up with a crazy girl >she falsely accused me of r--- and made sure the whole school knew my 7 KB JPG name >case obviously dismissed in court >people still think I did it and she never retracts anything >cant get dates or even friends, most miserable four years of my life >finally final semester I meet a 7/10 cutie in class >we talk and hit it off very well >after a few weeks I ask her out and she says for sure, we agree on a day the week after because she was busy that week >all throughout we keep talking >day of date >l prepare things to cook us a meal and everything >spend three hours cleaning the house >an hour before she's supposed to arrive (she has a car and I don't) I find that she blocked me >on everything >wtfwtfwtf.gif >cry about it >next time I see her in class >"anon my friends told me you r---- someone I never wanna talk to you again" >walks away to other side of classroom >mfw
: Anonymous 02/16/22(Wed)01:15:28 No.872755011 >be me >early twenties, senior year of college >when I was a freshman I hooked up with a crazy girl >she falsely accused me of r--- and made sure the whole school knew my 7 KB JPG name >case obviously dismissed in court >people still think I did it and she never retracts anything >cant get dates or even friends, most miserable four years of my life >finally final semester I meet a 7/10 cutie in class >we talk and hit it off very well >after a few weeks I ask her out and she says for sure, we agree on a day the week after because she was busy that week >all throughout we keep talking >day of date >l prepare things to cook us a meal and everything >spend three hours cleaning the house >an hour before she's supposed to arrive (she has a car and I don't) I find that she blocked me >on everything >wtfwtfwtf.gif >cry about it >next time I see her in class >"anon my friends told me you r---- someone I never wanna talk to you again" >walks away to other side of classroom >mfw

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congratulations alvin | /r/Greentext

wed hi my name is Alvin I am 11 years old I really like among us and memes and I have seen a lot of funny 4chan stories on reddit. I wrote this song about Among us for you guys I hope it's funny and please share other cool stuff with me thanks 17 KB JPG > oh yea when the imposster is sussy >I do your mom in the p---- > sussy sussy sussy > your fat moms p---- > if you are sus > you ride the short bus
wed hi my name is Alvin I am 11 years old I really like among us and memes and I have seen a lot of funny 4chan stories on reddit. I wrote this song about Among us for you guys I hope it's funny and please share other cool stuff with me thanks 17 KB JPG > oh yea when the imposster is sussy >I do your mom in the p---- > sussy sussy sussy > your fat moms p---- > if you are sus > you ride the short bus

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Anon help other Anon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/14/22(Mon)16:00:40 No.25862973 725 KB JPG How much money would it cost to not look ugly? Should I get plastic surgery? Anonymous 02/14/22(Mon)16:02:24 No.25862981 $0. You look great man.
Anonymous 02/14/22(Mon)16:00:40 No.25862973 725 KB JPG How much money would it cost to not look ugly? Should I get plastic surgery? Anonymous 02/14/22(Mon)16:02:24 No.25862981 $0. You look great man.

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Anon played Runescape | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/01/18(Tue)12:45:11 No.45061331 I went around on Runescape back in 2006 in full black armour typing "..." in red. I thought it made me mysterious. %3D 5 KB JPG >>45063047 #
: Anonymous 05/01/18(Tue)12:45:11 No.45061331 I went around on Runescape back in 2006 in full black armour typing "..." in red. I thought it made me mysterious. %3D 5 KB JPG >>45063047 #

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Anon hates women. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)13:12:33 No.67438783 >Be me 3 years ago >In history class >Going to professor's desk >One girl accidentaly elbows me in my stomach >Before looking at me she says "sorry" >Then she looks at me, she 9 KB PNG makes a disgust face and says "ew, i'm not sorry" Since that day I f------ hate women.
Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)13:12:33 No.67438783 >Be me 3 years ago >In history class >Going to professor's desk >One girl accidentaly elbows me in my stomach >Before looking at me she says "sorry" >Then she looks at me, she 9 KB PNG makes a disgust face and says "ew, i'm not sorry" Since that day I f------ hate women.

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Anon is serbian | /r/Greentext

1E Anonymous #97360819 : 12.11 18:16:10 JPEG 480x366 18 KB >Live in serbia >having a heart attack >call an ambulance >operator is asking for my security number to make sure my medical insurance is valid before sending help >get mugged and stabbed >call the police >"Are there any witnesses?" >"No" >they hung up >fire bursts in my home >call firefighters >firefighters take 2 hours to come >they had to stop by to eat God bless Serbia 3 REPLIES
1E Anonymous #97360819 : 12.11 18:16:10 JPEG 480x366 18 KB >Live in serbia >having a heart attack >call an ambulance >operator is asking for my security number to make sure my medical insurance is valid before sending help >get mugged and stabbed >call the police >"Are there any witnesses?" >"No" >they hung up >fire bursts in my home >call firefighters >firefighters take 2 hours to come >they had to stop by to eat God bless Serbia 3 REPLIES

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Anon has a hypothesis | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)02:27:53 No.2289218 >flush toilet Gurgling Tollet after Tlushing >slow flush >after a few seconds large and audible air bubbles come up (usually one or two) >get septic tank drained >toilet flushes fine for about a week 16 KB JPG >back to the same problem Plunging and snaking did nothing. The vent pipe appears to be clear too. What could be causing this and what would I need to fix it? : Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)03:14:07 No.2289230 >>2289218 (OP) # there may be a fish in your toilet going glub glub and that is why you're toilet is bubbling 29 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)02:27:53 No.2289218 >flush toilet Gurgling Tollet after Tlushing >slow flush >after a few seconds large and audible air bubbles come up (usually one or two) >get septic tank drained >toilet flushes fine for about a week 16 KB JPG >back to the same problem Plunging and snaking did nothing. The vent pipe appears to be clear too. What could be causing this and what would I need to fix it? : Anonymous 01/07/22(Fri)03:14:07 No.2289230 >>2289218 (OP) # there may be a fish in your toilet going glub glub and that is why you're toilet is bubbling 29 KB JPG

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Anon borrows his mom’s vibrator | /r/Greentext

>Be me, 14 year old Anon >Already a degenerate coomer >See some p--- of girls putting vibrators in guys buttholes >I knew my mom had a vibrator, because I was also a big snoop >Brightldea.exe >I f--- myself with my mom's vibrator while I fap >Amazing. Love it. Do it all the time. Never wash it off >My mom starts getting sick. She is sick all the time >she is literally sick for months. I'm afraid she has cancer 64 KB JPG and is dying >Parents don't say anything to me, probably don't want me to worry >l'm finally able to eavesdrop. It turns out that my mom has been having vaginal infections the whole time >They are fecal infections. Her doctor thought she had a tiny rectovaginal fistula that was big enough for poop to leak into her vagina but not big enough to see on a scan. Doctor had never seen it before, but it was the only explanation the doctor could think of >I had to look up rectovaginal fistula. You should too. >l don't say anything. Next time they are out, I scrub the vibrator >The infections stopped >MFW I gave my mom a 5 month vaginal infection
>Be me, 14 year old Anon >Already a degenerate coomer >See some p--- of girls putting vibrators in guys buttholes >I knew my mom had a vibrator, because I was also a big snoop >Brightldea.exe >I f--- myself with my mom's vibrator while I fap >Amazing. Love it. Do it all the time. Never wash it off >My mom starts getting sick. She is sick all the time >she is literally sick for months. I'm afraid she has cancer 64 KB JPG and is dying >Parents don't say anything to me, probably don't want me to worry >l'm finally able to eavesdrop. It turns out that my mom has been having vaginal infections the whole time >They are fecal infections. Her doctor thought she had a tiny rectovaginal fistula that was big enough for poop to leak into her vagina but not big enough to see on a scan. Doctor had never seen it before, but it was the only explanation the doctor could think of >I had to look up rectovaginal fistula. You should too. >l don't say anything. Next time they are out, I scrub the vibrator >The infections stopped >MFW I gave my mom a 5 month vaginal infection

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Anon hates the CCP | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)12:40:39 No.872730357 >be marvel >make superhero movie >try to bring it to China >constantly gets rejected >begs on its knees to get an approval >still gets rejected >be DC comics 204 KB JPG >makes new Batman movie >try to bring it to China >gets approved by CCP o first try >??? those f------ bat lovers
: Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)12:40:39 No.872730357 >be marvel >make superhero movie >try to bring it to China >constantly gets rejected >begs on its knees to get an approval >still gets rejected >be DC comics 204 KB JPG >makes new Batman movie >try to bring it to China >gets approved by CCP o first try >??? those f------ bat lovers

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every day we come closer to god | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/15/19(Tue)23:22:44 NO.811909767 >>811908278 # >be me >l've seen what getting j----- on by a group of people does to a man, is not pretty. >I wasn't a part of it but when I was it 14 KB JPG 12 or 13 I went to a sleep away summer camp and this is like when we were starting to discover p--- and fapping. >Some kid brought some playboys and naked playing cards, s--- like that with him. >Anyway, one kid in our cabin was a huge tool, stole stuff like food and money from other people in our cabin. >So half a dozen kids decided one night to wake up in the middle of the night at like 3 a.m and take turns jacking off in the bathroom, running out before they finished and blowing their load on the kid when he was sleeping. >Literally 6-8 kids did this, all over his face, sheets, upper body, and hands. >One kid also did it in his shoes. >So everyone else wakes up the next morning and we all knew what had happened but this kid couldn't figure out why he was all sticky for like 15 minutes until a counselor forced it out of another kid. >When the kid found out he went absolutely nuts, like certifiably crazy mental breakdown. >He had to leave the camp for psychiatric treatment. >Worst part was after he took a shower and went to leave he stepped in the j--- shoes >Also like 6 of my friends I never saw again because they got kicked out.
: Anonymous 10/15/19(Tue)23:22:44 NO.811909767 >>811908278 # >be me >l've seen what getting j----- on by a group of people does to a man, is not pretty. >I wasn't a part of it but when I was it 14 KB JPG 12 or 13 I went to a sleep away summer camp and this is like when we were starting to discover p--- and fapping. >Some kid brought some playboys and naked playing cards, s--- like that with him. >Anyway, one kid in our cabin was a huge tool, stole stuff like food and money from other people in our cabin. >So half a dozen kids decided one night to wake up in the middle of the night at like 3 a.m and take turns jacking off in the bathroom, running out before they finished and blowing their load on the kid when he was sleeping. >Literally 6-8 kids did this, all over his face, sheets, upper body, and hands. >One kid also did it in his shoes. >So everyone else wakes up the next morning and we all knew what had happened but this kid couldn't figure out why he was all sticky for like 15 minutes until a counselor forced it out of another kid. >When the kid found out he went absolutely nuts, like certifiably crazy mental breakdown. >He had to leave the camp for psychiatric treatment. >Worst part was after he took a shower and went to leave he stepped in the j--- shoes >Also like 6 of my friends I never saw again because they got kicked out.

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anon last wish | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/13/22(Thu)15:53:16 No.66971934 ► >>66971951 >>6¢ *beep* *beep* *beep* I wish...I had spent.more time..posting penis size threads..on /r9k/... *beeeeeeeeeееееееееер*
Anonymous 01/13/22(Thu)15:53:16 No.66971934 ► >>66971951 >>6¢ *beep* *beep* *beep* I wish...I had spent.more time..posting penis size threads..on /r9k/... *beeeeeeeeeееееееееер*

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anon watches modern american porn | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)17:09:13 No.872731556 >watching p--- >guy chokes and slaps the girl very aggressively >she visibly dislikes it >starts crying as the guy facefucks her >guy wipes off her tears with his c--- then using it as lube continues to f--- her ass why is modern day p--- so f----- up? is european p--- different than this crap?
Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)17:09:13 No.872731556 >watching p--- >guy chokes and slaps the girl very aggressively >she visibly dislikes it >starts crying as the guy facefucks her >guy wipes off her tears with his c--- then using it as lube continues to f--- her ass why is modern day p--- so f----- up? is european p--- different than this crap?

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footballin’ | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: n6ah/acM ) E 01/20/22(Thu)13:09:56 No.357354757 >Be American >Throw ball with hand >Call it football Anyone else sick of these retards? 132 KB JPG 16 Replies View Thread : Anonymous (ID: TrNCczle 01/20/22(Thu)13:20:48 No.357356152 >>357354757 (OP) # Look, europeasant, Jesus Christ called it football and that's good enough for America.
: Anonymous (ID: n6ah/acM ) E 01/20/22(Thu)13:09:56 No.357354757 >Be American >Throw ball with hand >Call it football Anyone else sick of these retards? 132 KB JPG 16 Replies View Thread : Anonymous (ID: TrNCczle 01/20/22(Thu)13:20:48 No.357356152 >>357354757 (OP) # Look, europeasant, Jesus Christ called it football and that's good enough for America.

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Anon meets a superhero | /r/Greentext

File: super scot.png (15 KB, 72x95) O /b/ Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)04:51:25 No.872709639 [Reply] got a good one for you today /b/ros >be me >straya f--, live around Noarlunga Centre >catch public transport often >there's this tard who also does and walks around the mall often >30 something >wears superman costume with a cowboy hat, ben ten Omnitrix and power ranger sword >local legend, everyone loves him, he gets free bus/train rides >see him often, we're good mates >complements my mums hair meanwhile >stacy at school >popular, everyone except me and my mates thinks she's cool >ffw to last week >people talking about the Noarlunga superman >stacy joins in >"you mean that f------ retard? he's such a f------ loser" >everyone looks like she just killed someone >stacy immediately ousted from all social circles >no one talks to her anymore >everyone stil| loves the superman justice served
File: super scot.png (15 KB, 72x95) O /b/ Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)04:51:25 No.872709639 [Reply] got a good one for you today /b/ros >be me >straya f--, live around Noarlunga Centre >catch public transport often >there's this tard who also does and walks around the mall often >30 something >wears superman costume with a cowboy hat, ben ten Omnitrix and power ranger sword >local legend, everyone loves him, he gets free bus/train rides >see him often, we're good mates >complements my mums hair meanwhile >stacy at school >popular, everyone except me and my mates thinks she's cool >ffw to last week >people talking about the Noarlunga superman >stacy joins in >"you mean that f------ retard? he's such a f------ loser" >everyone looks like she just killed someone >stacy immediately ousted from all social circles >no one talks to her anymore >everyone stil| loves the superman justice served

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Anon is a Baller. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/22/22(Sat)18:47:20 No.67108862 >Buy fake prop money off Amazon >Looks real as f--- >Last night >Go to strip club >Pay for entry fee and drinks at the bar with real money >Spend all night drunk and paying 00 KON 487 KB JPG strippers for private lap dances >It's dark and their drunk/high so they don't check to see "For Motion Picture Use Only" >Spend over $4,000 in useless money in one night >All the strippers love me >Get to touch their boobs and asses >Feel like Chad for one night >Only costed $9.99 + tax I'm sure they figured it out by now so I can never go back there but man that felt good. OOr OOK OOL
: Anonymous 01/22/22(Sat)18:47:20 No.67108862 >Buy fake prop money off Amazon >Looks real as f--- >Last night >Go to strip club >Pay for entry fee and drinks at the bar with real money >Spend all night drunk and paying 00 KON 487 KB JPG strippers for private lap dances >It's dark and their drunk/high so they don't check to see "For Motion Picture Use Only" >Spend over $4,000 in useless money in one night >All the strippers love me >Get to touch their boobs and asses >Feel like Chad for one night >Only costed $9.99 + tax I'm sure they figured it out by now so I can never go back there but man that felt good. OOr OOK OOL

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Anon loses all hope in humanity | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/03/18(Wed)00:13:01 No.781354558 Hey f--- heres a greentext threat about Irony >be me >have female friend who likes shitpost as much as I do 15 KB JPG >notificationtojoinashitpostgroupfromher.exe >Flat Earth etc... >seems like a decent shitpost group >everyone has a top tier shitposting/Irony humor >"NASA uses Eyefish lence" >Laugh at funny ironical memes and s--- they write >my friend likes NASA and space bs >see a post where she is arguing w/ some random guy >Find out the FB group is not a shitpost group >Mfw I've been in this group for at least 2 months >Mfw I thought their posts were memes >Mfw these people actually think Earth is flat >Mfw top excuse is "NASA uses eyefish lence"
: Anonymous 10/03/18(Wed)00:13:01 No.781354558 Hey f--- heres a greentext threat about Irony >be me >have female friend who likes shitpost as much as I do 15 KB JPG >notificationtojoinashitpostgroupfromher.exe >Flat Earth etc... >seems like a decent shitpost group >everyone has a top tier shitposting/Irony humor >"NASA uses Eyefish lence" >Laugh at funny ironical memes and s--- they write >my friend likes NASA and space bs >see a post where she is arguing w/ some random guy >Find out the FB group is not a shitpost group >Mfw I've been in this group for at least 2 months >Mfw I thought their posts were memes >Mfw these people actually think Earth is flat >Mfw top excuse is "NASA uses eyefish lence"

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Anon has a dream | /r/Greentext

Funny story >had gf at time. Be sleeping together 37 KB JPG >having dream about fighting. Throwing hooks but it's like I've got the brakes on >apparently making agitated noises and saying "eat s---" in my sleep >gf decides to wake me up thinking I'm having a nightmare >she snaps me out of my dream right as I'm throwing a punch >unload a full force left hook right into her stomach >she rolls of the bed winded >I snap up still confused >scream "eat s--- bob Ross" at the top of my lungs >hear my gf sucking wind and laughing her ass off at the same time
Funny story >had gf at time. Be sleeping together 37 KB JPG >having dream about fighting. Throwing hooks but it's like I've got the brakes on >apparently making agitated noises and saying "eat s---" in my sleep >gf decides to wake me up thinking I'm having a nightmare >she snaps me out of my dream right as I'm throwing a punch >unload a full force left hook right into her stomach >she rolls of the bed winded >I snap up still confused >scream "eat s--- bob Ross" at the top of my lungs >hear my gf sucking wind and laughing her ass off at the same time

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