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Anon was born to be miserable | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)19:28:29 No.847369867 >be me >bday today >same day as valentines >no gf >mfw 67 KB JPG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)19:32:33 No.847370097 >>847369867(OP)_# HAPPY BDAY!!!!!!!! BOY 1.78 MB GIF
: Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)19:28:29 No.847369867 >be me >bday today >same day as valentines >no gf >mfw 67 KB JPG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)19:32:33 No.847370097 >>847369867(OP)_# HAPPY BDAY!!!!!!!! BOY 1.78 MB GIF

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Anon makes PowerPoint | /r/Greentext

> be me > in health class, have to make a powerpoint about why alcohol is bad 359 KB PNG > 12th grade so no one cares > presentation day comes along > no one has done any work > teacher opens up class file > one project > titled "alachol" > teacher walks out of room > mfw
> be me > in health class, have to make a powerpoint about why alcohol is bad 359 KB PNG > 12th grade so no one cares > presentation day comes along > no one has done any work > teacher opens up class file > one project > titled "alachol" > teacher walks out of room > mfw

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Anon is ripped off | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/19(Mon)21:56:22 No.795913984 >be me, on deathbed from terminal Oronge cancer 5-hou KENERGY >drink 5 hour energy REGULAR STRENGTH >die 2 hours later Vitamins Nutrients Cal Geie Sugar Free4 What the f---? 31 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/25/19(Mon)21:56:22 No.795913984 >be me, on deathbed from terminal Oronge cancer 5-hou KENERGY >drink 5 hour energy REGULAR STRENGTH >die 2 hours later Vitamins Nutrients Cal Geie Sugar Free4 What the f---? 31 KB JPG

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Anon makes a mistake | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 476925202 10 min. ago >run pirated game >printer starts making noise >full black page, both sides 1 REPLY 31.0 kB JPG
Anonymous | 476925202 10 min. ago >run pirated game >printer starts making noise >full black page, both sides 1 REPLY 31.0 kB JPG

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Shaken martinis | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed)22:36:22 No.703956574 >"Shaken, not stirred" I got curious and wanted to know if there was an actual difference between shaking a martini and stirring it. 71 KB JPG I thought it wouldn't matter, since you're just mixing the ingredients, but apparently a study was conducted to determine if the preparation of a martini had any influence on its antioxidant сараcity; the study found that shaken gin martinis were able to break down hydrogen peroxide and leave only 0.072% of the peroxide behind, while the stirred gin martini left behind 0.157% of the peroxide. Based on this information I have concluded that for James Bond to be able to detect a difference this small, he must be massively autistic.
: Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed)22:36:22 No.703956574 >"Shaken, not stirred" I got curious and wanted to know if there was an actual difference between shaking a martini and stirring it. 71 KB JPG I thought it wouldn't matter, since you're just mixing the ingredients, but apparently a study was conducted to determine if the preparation of a martini had any influence on its antioxidant сараcity; the study found that shaken gin martinis were able to break down hydrogen peroxide and leave only 0.072% of the peroxide behind, while the stirred gin martini left behind 0.157% of the peroxide. Based on this information I have concluded that for James Bond to be able to detect a difference this small, he must be massively autistic.

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Suicide bombshell | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/13/21(Sat)19:42:24 No.62316358 >sitting at the bar drinking alone on a Saturday night| >a woman comes up to me and taps me on the shoulder >she says hey, is this you? and holds up her phone to me >She has tinder opened and it is 241 KB JPG showing my profile. I am even wearing the same jersey that I have on in the tinder photo >l say yeah >She says oh cool! >makes an exaggerated motion of swiping left, then starts laughing >she makes her way over to a group of tables (COVID distancing) where everyone is laughing and looking at me >I run out of the bar without paying I dont know what to do now. I didnt pay and I feel like s--- and want to kill myself. I want to go back to pay but I cant imagine showing my face there again.
: Anonymous 02/13/21(Sat)19:42:24 No.62316358 >sitting at the bar drinking alone on a Saturday night| >a woman comes up to me and taps me on the shoulder >she says hey, is this you? and holds up her phone to me >She has tinder opened and it is 241 KB JPG showing my profile. I am even wearing the same jersey that I have on in the tinder photo >l say yeah >She says oh cool! >makes an exaggerated motion of swiping left, then starts laughing >she makes her way over to a group of tables (COVID distancing) where everyone is laughing and looking at me >I run out of the bar without paying I dont know what to do now. I didnt pay and I feel like s--- and want to kill myself. I want to go back to pay but I cant imagine showing my face there again.

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Anon hates skittles | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/22/20(Fri)19:21:22 No.58286746 PRIDE EDITION FAMILYSIE FRuits Skittles During Pride Only one nainbous matters Ss S4 #onerciabous i TOTALLYTHEBOMB.COM Skittles Is Removing The Color From Their Candies In Support Of Pride Month and I Want Some 1590184161939.jpg 668 KB JPG >skittles make "pride skittles" by removing the colored ones >whites only >it literally says SS on the candy you can't make this s--- up
: Anonymous 05/22/20(Fri)19:21:22 No.58286746 PRIDE EDITION FAMILYSIE FRuits Skittles During Pride Only one nainbous matters Ss S4 #onerciabous i TOTALLYTHEBOMB.COM Skittles Is Removing The Color From Their Candies In Support Of Pride Month and I Want Some 1590184161939.jpg 668 KB JPG >skittles make "pride skittles" by removing the colored ones >whites only >it literally says SS on the candy you can't make this s--- up

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So anon, how do you feel? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)09:00:11 No.62321191 166ea5c53a6724f83481baa6197d9896[1].jpg 328 KB JPG >"now, mr.anon, tell me about this pain you've been feeling?" : Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)09:01:29 No.62321202 >>62321191 (OP) # >"I've got a throbbing pain in my genital area I want you to check out"
: Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)09:00:11 No.62321191 166ea5c53a6724f83481baa6197d9896[1].jpg 328 KB JPG >"now, mr.anon, tell me about this pain you've been feeling?" : Anonymous 02/14/21(Sun)09:01:29 No.62321202 >>62321191 (OP) # >"I've got a throbbing pain in my genital area I want you to check out"

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Anon has a request from a girl | /r/Greentext

7 Re · 2 Img · PNG · 409KB · (919 × 528) 6 Replies >be me >walking in city at night >a few sketchy people around but its not a terrible area >some chick comes up to me and asks if I can walk with her and wait at a bus stop because she's scared and scary guys are approaching her >'it'll only take 20 minutes" >'yeah sure" >we talk as we walk >we get to talking as we walk and wait for the bus stop, and pretty juicily it gets kind of personal, we're both venting about our problems, talking about our dreams, beliefs, worries, life experiences, laughing, >as the bus is coming she asks me if I want some weed to take with me to pay me for walking and waiting with her >"no thanks, allI would ask for is a strand from your golden head" >*laughs nervously "what?" >"you know like one of your hairs >she walks on the bus immediately without responding to me What the f---? Isn't that a romantic as f--- line?
7 Re · 2 Img · PNG · 409KB · (919 × 528) 6 Replies >be me >walking in city at night >a few sketchy people around but its not a terrible area >some chick comes up to me and asks if I can walk with her and wait at a bus stop because she's scared and scary guys are approaching her >'it'll only take 20 minutes" >'yeah sure" >we talk as we walk >we get to talking as we walk and wait for the bus stop, and pretty juicily it gets kind of personal, we're both venting about our problems, talking about our dreams, beliefs, worries, life experiences, laughing, >as the bus is coming she asks me if I want some weed to take with me to pay me for walking and waiting with her >"no thanks, allI would ask for is a strand from your golden head" >*laughs nervously "what?" >"you know like one of your hairs >she walks on the bus immediately without responding to me What the f---? Isn't that a romantic as f--- line?

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Anon is still going to drink it | /r/Greentext

>gym bro of mine and I get into a discussion about alternative foods and supplementation >he talks about bee pollen and "Ya-cult" >"What the f--- is "Ya Cult?" >"It's really good for digesting proteins, it's also super tasty." >research it a little, company goes back to the Second World War >go to the store and pick some up out of curiosity >open it in the car >*sip* >absolutely f------ delicious >know I'm going to need more so I go back in and buy another 3 packs >it's a rest day for me so I'm playing hoi4 with my discord group >can't stop drinking them and the empty bottles are all over my room >a few hours in I feel it >ohno.exe >my insides begin to churn as rush to the toilet >plop my ass down >it feels like I'm spewing godzilla's nuclear beam out of my ass >the liquid s--- burns worse than the brimstone of hell >smells absolutely terrible >tears well up in my eyes >"Anon I need to use the bathroom." >"SHUT UP! I'M TAKING A MASSIVE S---!" >my stomach is killing me still and I have to sit on the toilet for another 30 minutes >lI'm cleaned out and I go back to hoi4 >the allies D-Dayed when I was gone and took back most of France >mfw I'm still going to drink it regularly
>gym bro of mine and I get into a discussion about alternative foods and supplementation >he talks about bee pollen and "Ya-cult" >"What the f--- is "Ya Cult?" >"It's really good for digesting proteins, it's also super tasty." >research it a little, company goes back to the Second World War >go to the store and pick some up out of curiosity >open it in the car >*sip* >absolutely f------ delicious >know I'm going to need more so I go back in and buy another 3 packs >it's a rest day for me so I'm playing hoi4 with my discord group >can't stop drinking them and the empty bottles are all over my room >a few hours in I feel it >ohno.exe >my insides begin to churn as rush to the toilet >plop my ass down >it feels like I'm spewing godzilla's nuclear beam out of my ass >the liquid s--- burns worse than the brimstone of hell >smells absolutely terrible >tears well up in my eyes >"Anon I need to use the bathroom." >"SHUT UP! I'M TAKING A MASSIVE S---!" >my stomach is killing me still and I have to sit on the toilet for another 30 minutes >lI'm cleaned out and I go back to hoi4 >the allies D-Dayed when I was gone and took back most of France >mfw I'm still going to drink it regularly

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Anon gets his revenge | /r/Greentext

>be me >this w---- from my class s--- talks me on instagram and says how ugly/disgusting I am >some dude sends me the messages as a bro >2 yrs later >better looking >wait until she broke up with her bf and is super 33 KB JPG vulnerable >slowly gain her trust and manipulate her >secretly find out what she likes in a man and create a perfect persona >she falls for me hard >convince her suck my d--- several times and eat my c-- >it reaches a point where she is begging me for sex >refuse and say that she is not my type >start to avoid her >apparently she still hasnt recovered and has a deppression >bitch got what she deserved >mfw
>be me >this w---- from my class s--- talks me on instagram and says how ugly/disgusting I am >some dude sends me the messages as a bro >2 yrs later >better looking >wait until she broke up with her bf and is super 33 KB JPG vulnerable >slowly gain her trust and manipulate her >secretly find out what she likes in a man and create a perfect persona >she falls for me hard >convince her suck my d--- several times and eat my c-- >it reaches a point where she is begging me for sex >refuse and say that she is not my type >start to avoid her >apparently she still hasnt recovered and has a deppression >bitch got what she deserved >mfw

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anon is a dog | /r/Greentext

>>146472512 # >be around 8 or so, sister is 12ish >sitting in tv room >there's a bronze statue with exposed breasts in this room >me, my sister and my mom >mom leaves room >i run over and start rubbing my penis on the statue because i know it gets my sister annoyed >she screams and says "MOM HE'S DOING IT" or whatever and mom doesn't care >continue just smashing my penis against the statue >as soon as i hear mom coming back i quickly sit down cross legged like nothing happened >sister complains to mom but nothing >also, unrelated but one time i sat down and i just started to do a s--- on the floor and mom got angry and carried me to the bath and used the shower to shower the s--- off my butt and i remember seeing the sticker for an apple that i ate by accident in the s--- as it went down the sinkhole
>>146472512 # >be around 8 or so, sister is 12ish >sitting in tv room >there's a bronze statue with exposed breasts in this room >me, my sister and my mom >mom leaves room >i run over and start rubbing my penis on the statue because i know it gets my sister annoyed >she screams and says "MOM HE'S DOING IT" or whatever and mom doesn't care >continue just smashing my penis against the statue >as soon as i hear mom coming back i quickly sit down cross legged like nothing happened >sister complains to mom but nothing >also, unrelated but one time i sat down and i just started to do a s--- on the floor and mom got angry and carried me to the bath and used the shower to shower the s--- off my butt and i remember seeing the sticker for an apple that i ate by accident in the s--- as it went down the sinkhole

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What every student hates to hear | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)22:34:56 No.62168881 >For this project, I will be assigning you all into groups of four 31 KB PNG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)22:34:56 No.62168881 >For this project, I will be assigning you all into groups of four 31 KB PNG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon is down bad | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 790197942 49 min. ago ... >at a party >sitting alone and petting dog because aspergers.jpg >cute 6/10 with nice tight bod comes up to me > "hehe are you more of a dog person than a cat person anon" Autism kicks in 178.3 kB JPG > "hehe a holes a hole to me"
Anonymous | 790197942 49 min. ago ... >at a party >sitting alone and petting dog because aspergers.jpg >cute 6/10 with nice tight bod comes up to me > "hehe are you more of a dog person than a cat person anon" Autism kicks in 178.3 kB JPG > "hehe a holes a hole to me"

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Anon is disgusted | /r/Greentext

>be me a few years ago >take drugs sometimes with buddy >i stop and leave for college >he keeps doing drugs >makes his own dmt >fries his brain >now a schizo >dont talk to him for 2 years >sometimes he sends me weird messages >today i learn that hes been jacking off in front of kids and messaging high school friends about their kids. what do /b/?
>be me a few years ago >take drugs sometimes with buddy >i stop and leave for college >he keeps doing drugs >makes his own dmt >fries his brain >now a schizo >dont talk to him for 2 years >sometimes he sends me weird messages >today i learn that hes been jacking off in front of kids and messaging high school friends about their kids. what do /b/?

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Anon is a genius | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/13/21(Sat)22:24:50 No.847333236 >be me >have 3DS >need to put it somewhere >to lazy to get out of chair >throw it on bed >accidentally hit guitar on bed >oh s---.jpg 22 KB JPG >retreive 3ds >realize left trigger is broken >s--- bricks >"hmm maybe if i bang it again it'll work" >beat 3ds trigger harder than my meat on a friday night >actually works >kek
: Anonymous 02/13/21(Sat)22:24:50 No.847333236 >be me >have 3DS >need to put it somewhere >to lazy to get out of chair >throw it on bed >accidentally hit guitar on bed >oh s---.jpg 22 KB JPG >retreive 3ds >realize left trigger is broken >s--- bricks >"hmm maybe if i bang it again it'll work" >beat 3ds trigger harder than my meat on a friday night >actually works >kek

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