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Anon is in Texas | /r/Greentext

I Anonymous (ID: (kqVuT/gj ) 02/17/21(Wed)21:46:52 No.308612922 >>308611299 (OP) # >be me >be texanon >power out for a couple days >pop out battery packs, light some candles, eat some cheese and salad >keep refrigerator closed unless necessary, after 24 hours of no power, throw perishables into snow, light fireplace for warmth >have not yet had an instance of 24 hours no power, most has been 16 hours with a few hours back on to recharge devices and prepare some pasta rice and eggs for later >at night, with no power and cold outside, get under blankets in bed >wake up warm and comfy >phonefag on 4chan all day I don't see what the problem is
I Anonymous (ID: (kqVuT/gj ) 02/17/21(Wed)21:46:52 No.308612922 >>308611299 (OP) # >be me >be texanon >power out for a couple days >pop out battery packs, light some candles, eat some cheese and salad >keep refrigerator closed unless necessary, after 24 hours of no power, throw perishables into snow, light fireplace for warmth >have not yet had an instance of 24 hours no power, most has been 16 hours with a few hours back on to recharge devices and prepare some pasta rice and eggs for later >at night, with no power and cold outside, get under blankets in bed >wake up warm and comfy >phonefag on 4chan all day I don't see what the problem is

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Anos the devil | /r/Greentext

No.62362421 13 hours ago 1506965059640.gif GIF 351.6 KiB 504×504 Devilish confessions? >Be me >Be 12 >Go to swimming pool near end of the day >Lady on the desk being a complete a------ to Some older woman >Thỉok about that during swim >Staff consist of receptionist and two life guards. >finish swim >Decide to show displeasure >S--- on changing room flooY >Nice long unbroken log and slightly soft >Pull up trousers and go to toilet to wipe >Walk out past receptionist heading to changing Yooms looking furious. >justiceacheived.ogg 6 replies
No.62362421 13 hours ago 1506965059640.gif GIF 351.6 KiB 504×504 Devilish confessions? >Be me >Be 12 >Go to swimming pool near end of the day >Lady on the desk being a complete a------ to Some older woman >Thỉok about that during swim >Staff consist of receptionist and two life guards. >finish swim >Decide to show displeasure >S--- on changing room flooY >Nice long unbroken log and slightly soft >Pull up trousers and go to toilet to wipe >Walk out past receptionist heading to changing Yooms looking furious. >justiceacheived.ogg 6 replies

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Anon has some pickles | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/23/13(Mon)10:04:04 UTC-5 No.522930202 2>522923281 Tell me about it. >went to the store on Thursday >bought a half gallon jar of pickles >love me some pickles >eat one as soon as I get home >tastesgoodman.bat >so good I decide l'll have a few more >walk back to my computer and start to work but the urge is not sated >not by a long shot >come back to life-giving pickle jar several more time >eat several pickles each time >after an hour the jar is empty >400% of my daily sodium never tasted so good >thirty minutes later I hear a churning in my stomach >not a light rumbling, sounds like the noise an old tub makes when you suddenly pull the drain >initiate sprint to bathroom mode >barely get my ass on the toilet as a f------ waterfall emerges from my a------ >never in my life have relief and horror been such close bedfellows >after about ten seconds of continuous flow it subsides to a trickle and stops >toilet water is green and smells like vinegar >body didn't even try to digest that s--- >clean up and go back to computer >thinking "thank god that's over" >Not. Even. Close. >five minutes later the rumbling is back >even louder this time >sprint to bathroom, lather, rinse, repeat >this happens five more f------ times >it's finally all gone >stomach is concave; I have never had less food inside my body >completely cleaned out >cue rumble >sit on toilet but it's different this time >I KNOW there's nothing in there >s--- out a tiny amount of liquid, immediately feel better >"well I guess there was just a tiny bit left, that wasn't so ba-" >all at once the burning fire of a thousand young suns sets upon my a--- sphincter >l had just shat out pure stomach acid >frantically wipe at my ass to prevent it from melting away like the spaceship floor in Alien >craw in shower, tum cold water on full blast, and lie prone while gently sobbing >eventually towel off and crawl exhausted into bed at 3:00 in the afternoon >sleep for fourteen hours In retrospect, it was all totally worth it. I love me some pickles.
Anonymous 12/23/13(Mon)10:04:04 UTC-5 No.522930202 2>522923281 Tell me about it. >went to the store on Thursday >bought a half gallon jar of pickles >love me some pickles >eat one as soon as I get home >tastesgoodman.bat >so good I decide l'll have a few more >walk back to my computer and start to work but the urge is not sated >not by a long shot >come back to life-giving pickle jar several more time >eat several pickles each time >after an hour the jar is empty >400% of my daily sodium never tasted so good >thirty minutes later I hear a churning in my stomach >not a light rumbling, sounds like the noise an old tub makes when you suddenly pull the drain >initiate sprint to bathroom mode >barely get my ass on the toilet as a f------ waterfall emerges from my a------ >never in my life have relief and horror been such close bedfellows >after about ten seconds of continuous flow it subsides to a trickle and stops >toilet water is green and smells like vinegar >body didn't even try to digest that s--- >clean up and go back to computer >thinking "thank god that's over" >Not. Even. Close. >five minutes later the rumbling is back >even louder this time >sprint to bathroom, lather, rinse, repeat >this happens five more f------ times >it's finally all gone >stomach is concave; I have never had less food inside my body >completely cleaned out >cue rumble >sit on toilet but it's different this time >I KNOW there's nothing in there >s--- out a tiny amount of liquid, immediately feel better >"well I guess there was just a tiny bit left, that wasn't so ba-" >all at once the burning fire of a thousand young suns sets upon my a--- sphincter >l had just shat out pure stomach acid >frantically wipe at my ass to prevent it from melting away like the spaceship floor in Alien >craw in shower, tum cold water on full blast, and lie prone while gently sobbing >eventually towel off and crawl exhausted into bed at 3:00 in the afternoon >sleep for fourteen hours In retrospect, it was all totally worth it. I love me some pickles.

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Anon questions your existence | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/02/19(Sat)01:05:04 No.791590505 >be me >right now >toasting toaster stroodles at 12 am >be you 7 KB JPG >rn >not toasting toaster stroodles at 12 am >why live
: Anonymous 02/02/19(Sat)01:05:04 No.791590505 >be me >right now >toasting toaster stroodles at 12 am >be you 7 KB JPG >rn >not toasting toaster stroodles at 12 am >why live

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Anon is a doctor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Tales of a doctor in da hood 02/24/19(Sun)23:02:12 No.51154454 >Be me >Fresh out of med school >Find a job as a doctor >sweet.jpg >lt's in South Central L.A. >mfw >One day some kid is rushed in >Multiple gunshot wounds 20 KB JPG >Gang member >ohshit.jpg >Get called in to take care of the kid >Maybe 16, 17 >l tell his friends he needs a blood transfusion >Biggest kid in the bunch steps up >"OH HELL NAH FOO AIN NO HOMIE OF MINE GETTIN SUM BLOOD IN HIS ASS" >Tell the kid he'll never see his friend again >Kid who got shot is being rushed to operation room >l prepare myself for a hectic surgery >Out of the blue one of the homies busts in the room >He sucker-punches a nurse >l cower as he pulls out his MAC10 >He shouts at me, "I SAID AINT NO N---- OF MINE GETTIN BLOOD, CRIPS FOR LIFE!" >He proceeds to magdump his homie in the head before rushing out and disappearing >Mfw View Thread
: Anonymous Tales of a doctor in da hood 02/24/19(Sun)23:02:12 No.51154454 >Be me >Fresh out of med school >Find a job as a doctor >sweet.jpg >lt's in South Central L.A. >mfw >One day some kid is rushed in >Multiple gunshot wounds 20 KB JPG >Gang member >ohshit.jpg >Get called in to take care of the kid >Maybe 16, 17 >l tell his friends he needs a blood transfusion >Biggest kid in the bunch steps up >"OH HELL NAH FOO AIN NO HOMIE OF MINE GETTIN SUM BLOOD IN HIS ASS" >Tell the kid he'll never see his friend again >Kid who got shot is being rushed to operation room >l prepare myself for a hectic surgery >Out of the blue one of the homies busts in the room >He sucker-punches a nurse >l cower as he pulls out his MAC10 >He shouts at me, "I SAID AINT NO N---- OF MINE GETTIN BLOOD, CRIPS FOR LIFE!" >He proceeds to magdump his homie in the head before rushing out and disappearing >Mfw View Thread

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meet the gorilla man | /r/Greentext

File: B79C27F2-FCAA-4D7F-9AE0-6(...).jpg (97 KB, 677x549) O Anonymous 02/17/21(Wed)10:32:50 No.847593119 >be me >be richest man in entire f------ solar system >be bored >get invited to funny gorilla man podcast >SureWhyNot.jpg >my new mars rocket launch got postponed anyway >get briefed about gorilla man while on secret rich people transorbital flight back to earth >apparently gorilla man just got $250Million or as I like to call it 0.3 falcon rockets > gorilla man loves talking about monkee >lgotThis.jpg >arrive on earth and meet gorilla man >gorilla man wears pink button down dress shirt to mask his insecurity while meeting the richest person in the entire solar system >hey Joe, I dunno, but do you know .about monkey? >gorilla man literally goes ape >gorilla man loves me so much >gorilla man makes desktop slave pull up monkee videos >be gorilla mans new best friend because of monkee >gorilla man asks me if I smoke weed >be from south africa >there is literally no tabacco in my cape town home town because we only smoke fat doobies >wonder if gorilla man might have learning disability >no Joe, what is this WEED you are talking about? may I try it? >gorilla man goes even more ape >gorilla man loves me even more >smoke inferior american weed with gorilla man >TSLA stock goes down because world sees me smoke inferior american weed with gorilla man >buy my own TSLA stock for half the price before it goes back up again >pic related is me last sunday, making $90billion by convincing the gorilla man that I don't know about weed >sure Joe, let's do this again sometimes
File: B79C27F2-FCAA-4D7F-9AE0-6(...).jpg (97 KB, 677x549) O Anonymous 02/17/21(Wed)10:32:50 No.847593119 >be me >be richest man in entire f------ solar system >be bored >get invited to funny gorilla man podcast >SureWhyNot.jpg >my new mars rocket launch got postponed anyway >get briefed about gorilla man while on secret rich people transorbital flight back to earth >apparently gorilla man just got $250Million or as I like to call it 0.3 falcon rockets > gorilla man loves talking about monkee >lgotThis.jpg >arrive on earth and meet gorilla man >gorilla man wears pink button down dress shirt to mask his insecurity while meeting the richest person in the entire solar system >hey Joe, I dunno, but do you know .about monkey? >gorilla man literally goes ape >gorilla man loves me so much >gorilla man makes desktop slave pull up monkee videos >be gorilla mans new best friend because of monkee >gorilla man asks me if I smoke weed >be from south africa >there is literally no tabacco in my cape town home town because we only smoke fat doobies >wonder if gorilla man might have learning disability >no Joe, what is this WEED you are talking about? may I try it? >gorilla man goes even more ape >gorilla man loves me even more >smoke inferior american weed with gorilla man >TSLA stock goes down because world sees me smoke inferior american weed with gorilla man >buy my own TSLA stock for half the price before it goes back up again >pic related is me last sunday, making $90billion by convincing the gorilla man that I don't know about weed >sure Joe, let's do this again sometimes

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Customer disservice | /r/Greentext

File: 01b2d2f2b26d64d61864e67a3...).png (65 KB, 350x338) U Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)17:46:38 No.62363783 [Reply] D>>62363958 >62363981 >go to job interview >lady asks me how I can tell when the store has a "positive customer friendly atmoshpere" >tell her I honestly could care less, as long as they have what I need ll just buy it >asks about my availability >tell her anytime, up until society collapses (as a joke, I even told her it was to avoid any confusion) >she just responds with a hmmmm and white person smile >tells me l'm not qualified for the position, they're looking for someone that's "functional" >respond back with a "oh, I'm functional" >she responds back with a "riight" >she also adds she needs someone that's positive and cares about the store >retort back with "Imao good Iluck trying to find someone like that for 11 dollars an hour" I hate this clown world so god damn much. Oh well, not like l'm super depressed about it, the only reason they were looking for somebody was because management made an uh oh stinky and needed to hire someone quickly to clean up after them, it was super obvious after learning more about the job at the interview that they weren't planning on actually keeping me around if hired. Dumb bitch thought I was retarded and could get me to clean up other people's messes.
File: 01b2d2f2b26d64d61864e67a3...).png (65 KB, 350x338) U Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)17:46:38 No.62363783 [Reply] D>>62363958 >62363981 >go to job interview >lady asks me how I can tell when the store has a "positive customer friendly atmoshpere" >tell her I honestly could care less, as long as they have what I need ll just buy it >asks about my availability >tell her anytime, up until society collapses (as a joke, I even told her it was to avoid any confusion) >she just responds with a hmmmm and white person smile >tells me l'm not qualified for the position, they're looking for someone that's "functional" >respond back with a "oh, I'm functional" >she responds back with a "riight" >she also adds she needs someone that's positive and cares about the store >retort back with "Imao good Iluck trying to find someone like that for 11 dollars an hour" I hate this clown world so god damn much. Oh well, not like l'm super depressed about it, the only reason they were looking for somebody was because management made an uh oh stinky and needed to hire someone quickly to clean up after them, it was super obvious after learning more about the job at the interview that they weren't planning on actually keeping me around if hired. Dumb bitch thought I was retarded and could get me to clean up other people's messes.

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Anon's chad folder | /r/Greentext

Anonymous [•] 09/05/20(Sat)01:11:33 No.129919342 File: 1599187904873.jpg (54 KB, 908x666) >Mom found my gigachad folder >Says she saw a folder of buff half naked guys on my computer and asks if I'm gay
Anonymous [•] 09/05/20(Sat)01:11:33 No.129919342 File: 1599187904873.jpg (54 KB, 908x666) >Mom found my gigachad folder >Says she saw a folder of buff half naked guys on my computer and asks if I'm gay

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The wages of sin | /r/Greentext

File: 1563227880343.jpg (78 KB, 476x600) UI don't even hate women Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)17:02:48 No.62363033 [Reply] ► >>62364059 I hate all the guys that come onto them. >gf and I have been attending parties at my work >boss is always a friendly guy never seems suspicious >hanging out with some other guys >gf come and gets me and says we need to leave right now >tells me my boss tried to come onto her hard and tried to get her to have sex with him. >No alcohol evening work party mind you I didn't go into work today, my boss didn't even call me. Company isn't big enough for me to just disappear into another dept. and never see him again. HR says it's a grey area because my gf doesn't work at the company and nobody actually forced anyone to do anything. F---, I hate everyone
File: 1563227880343.jpg (78 KB, 476x600) UI don't even hate women Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)17:02:48 No.62363033 [Reply] ► >>62364059 I hate all the guys that come onto them. >gf and I have been attending parties at my work >boss is always a friendly guy never seems suspicious >hanging out with some other guys >gf come and gets me and says we need to leave right now >tells me my boss tried to come onto her hard and tried to get her to have sex with him. >No alcohol evening work party mind you I didn't go into work today, my boss didn't even call me. Company isn't big enough for me to just disappear into another dept. and never see him again. HR says it's a grey area because my gf doesn't work at the company and nobody actually forced anyone to do anything. F---, I hate everyone

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When You Get Writer's Block | /r/Greentext

File: 94190987-01E2-48AB-8087-F(...).jpg (29 KB, 738x415) O Anonymous 09/23/20(Wed)13:33:38 No.16426447 >>16426458 >>16426461 >>16426498 >>16426586 >>16426613 >>16426628 >>16426744 >creative writing class >first reading is creepy and disturbing, related to sexual assault. professor assigned it so we know anything goes >on nofap day 8 and everything gives me a r----------- >short of inspiration so write short story about being infatuated with my TA and wanting to f--- her like a savage >TA sends me email that she feels deeply violated >Professor sends email that I am not part of the course anymore, he will be taking it up with the department because the TA feels unsafe Srs what the f--- do I do? The course I can go without, but if the department gets involved it means a change of degree? My prior credits will be wasted >> Anonymous 09/23/20(Wed)13:36:35 No.16426458 >>16426447 (OP) Write a short stort about a wronged creative writing student who goes on a shooting spree and e-mail it to your professor and the department head. That'll fix everything.
File: 94190987-01E2-48AB-8087-F(...).jpg (29 KB, 738x415) O Anonymous 09/23/20(Wed)13:33:38 No.16426447 >>16426458 >>16426461 >>16426498 >>16426586 >>16426613 >>16426628 >>16426744 >creative writing class >first reading is creepy and disturbing, related to sexual assault. professor assigned it so we know anything goes >on nofap day 8 and everything gives me a r----------- >short of inspiration so write short story about being infatuated with my TA and wanting to f--- her like a savage >TA sends me email that she feels deeply violated >Professor sends email that I am not part of the course anymore, he will be taking it up with the department because the TA feels unsafe Srs what the f--- do I do? The course I can go without, but if the department gets involved it means a change of degree? My prior credits will be wasted >> Anonymous 09/23/20(Wed)13:36:35 No.16426458 >>16426447 (OP) Write a short stort about a wronged creative writing student who goes on a shooting spree and e-mail it to your professor and the department head. That'll fix everything.

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Anon gets wasted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/17/21(Wed)16:49:18 No.847632054 >be me, be 14 In middle school > friends gf hands me a drink >thinks it's vinegar spits it out 237 KB JPG > it's actually alcohol >we drink in the middle of the halls >drunk.mp4 >drink more after our class >f------ wasted.wav >go to lunch reeking of alcohol >principal catches us >suspended for 3 weeks >mom picks me up >still wasted >ask for McDonald's >mfw I get McDonald's after getting >drunk at school >Mfw mom doesn't punish me >Mfw I get 3 weeks off school
: Anonymous 02/17/21(Wed)16:49:18 No.847632054 >be me, be 14 In middle school > friends gf hands me a drink >thinks it's vinegar spits it out 237 KB JPG > it's actually alcohol >we drink in the middle of the halls >drunk.mp4 >drink more after our class >f------ wasted.wav >go to lunch reeking of alcohol >principal catches us >suspended for 3 weeks >mom picks me up >still wasted >ask for McDonald's >mfw I get McDonald's after getting >drunk at school >Mfw mom doesn't punish me >Mfw I get 3 weeks off school

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Essential worker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21 (Tue)22:18:33 No.62367669 >be grocery store cashier >9/10 qt checking out in my aisle >pays with sweaty loose cash straight from inside her bra >shakily take the dollar bills and look to see that she has enough >bring money up to my nose 240 KB PNG >SNIIIIIIIFF >get fired soon after
: Anonymous 02/16/21 (Tue)22:18:33 No.62367669 >be grocery store cashier >9/10 qt checking out in my aisle >pays with sweaty loose cash straight from inside her bra >shakily take the dollar bills and look to see that she has enough >bring money up to my nose 240 KB PNG >SNIIIIIIIFF >get fired soon after

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Fulfill your destiny | /r/Greentext

File: painnn.png (6 KB, 342x245) Anonymous 02/17/21(Wed)07:09:32 No.62372685 [Reply] D >23 >still cant grow a real beard >all i can grow is a weak pube neckbeard
File: painnn.png (6 KB, 342x245) Anonymous 02/17/21(Wed)07:09:32 No.62372685 [Reply] D >23 >still cant grow a real beard >all i can grow is a weak pube neckbeard

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Anon is no longer a gamer | /r/Greentext

I Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)20:48:27 No.541453778 >2014 >get Metro 2033 on Steam >start the game >prostitute offers herself >get scammed >get an award for everyone to see that you fell for it 17 KB JPG >uninstall steam >stop playing video games >buy a macbook instead a new pc i haven't played games since
I Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)20:48:27 No.541453778 >2014 >get Metro 2033 on Steam >start the game >prostitute offers herself >get scammed >get an award for everyone to see that you fell for it 17 KB JPG >uninstall steam >stop playing video games >buy a macbook instead a new pc i haven't played games since

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Anon tries Reddit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/17/21(Wed)20:17:58 No.847622176 >make a reddit account, call someone being a retard, a retard. Account banned for 3 days >later, someone in some random subreddit posts "why are Amazon workers even voting on a union, just decide there's a union and force it" retard 145 KB PNG >l explain that the organization is literally called a "union" because the member have to be united in their decisions, then say that I've been in three separate unions and they just suck in general >l'm perma banned from subreddit with no reason, also realize my account is shadowbanned after >make new account. Act like total f----- redditor and only say things that the leftards agree with. Posts are getting decent karma >shadowbanned randomly out of nowhere, reddit support says "uhhh woops haha thought you were a bot Imaooooo" Why is reddit such a f----- ass website for n----- lovers?
: Anonymous 02/17/21(Wed)20:17:58 No.847622176 >make a reddit account, call someone being a retard, a retard. Account banned for 3 days >later, someone in some random subreddit posts "why are Amazon workers even voting on a union, just decide there's a union and force it" retard 145 KB PNG >l explain that the organization is literally called a "union" because the member have to be united in their decisions, then say that I've been in three separate unions and they just suck in general >l'm perma banned from subreddit with no reason, also realize my account is shadowbanned after >make new account. Act like total f----- redditor and only say things that the leftards agree with. Posts are getting decent karma >shadowbanned randomly out of nowhere, reddit support says "uhhh woops haha thought you were a bot Imaooooo" Why is reddit such a f----- ass website for n----- lovers?

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Anon is a welder | /r/Greentext

Why haven't you taken the welding pill yet? >Be me >Take a community college class to learn how to weld >One of the highest workers in demand, drive my truck around to 467 KB PNG whoever needs me >The average welding job takes less than an hour, and I'm back in my truck to the next job >After half a decade in the field, I make $82,000 per year >Still can't weld together my relationship with my ex-wife Please, Rebecca, just respond to my texts. I've already welded together a machine that will release an anvil onto my head. It'll all be over soon
Why haven't you taken the welding pill yet? >Be me >Take a community college class to learn how to weld >One of the highest workers in demand, drive my truck around to 467 KB PNG whoever needs me >The average welding job takes less than an hour, and I'm back in my truck to the next job >After half a decade in the field, I make $82,000 per year >Still can't weld together my relationship with my ex-wife Please, Rebecca, just respond to my texts. I've already welded together a machine that will release an anvil onto my head. It'll all be over soon

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