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The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in Area of Operat...

>> O Anonymous 11/26/12(Mon)14:27 No.13490398 Replies: >>13490416 >>13490455 (Everyone has heard this, but I laugh at it all the same) The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations (AO) 1. Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area. 2. Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake. 3. Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes. 4. Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure. 5. Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it. 6. Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e., cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars. >> O Anonymous 11/26/12(Mon)14:30 No.13490416 Replies: >>13490426 >>13490436 >13490455 >>13490398 7. Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel settlement upon return. 8. Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using countermobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops. 9. Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALS kill Muslim extremist snakes. 10. Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection. 11. Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations. 12. Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost. 13. Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere. 14. Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial encounter, then works feverishly to save snake's life. 15. Quartermaster: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.) > O Anonymous 11/26/12(Mon)14:34 No.13490436 Replies: >>13490450 >>13490454 >>13490455 >>13490416 16. C-17 Transport pilot: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, delivers two weeks after due date. 17. F-15 pilot: Mis-identifies snake as enemy Mil-24 Hind helicopter and engages with missiles. Crew chief paints snake kill on aircraft. 18. F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses snake target, but get direct hit on Embassy 100 KM East of snake due to weather (Too Hot also Too Cold, Was Clear but too overcast, Too dry with Rain, Unlimited ceiling with low cloud cover etc.) Claims that purchasing multi-million dollar, high-tech snake-killing device will enable it in the future to kill all snakes and achieve a revolution in military affairs. 19. AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on infra-red. Infrared only operable in desert AO's without power lines or SAM's. 20. UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake builds bonfire, pops smoke, lays out VS 17 to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into fire. 21. B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target. 22. MinuteMan Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use nuclear weapons. 23. Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only four of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW. 24. Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional courtesy. >> O Anonymous 11/26/12(Mon)14:37 No.13490450 >>13490436 Last one 25. Signal: Tries to communicate with snake..fail repeated attempts. Complains that the snake did not have the correct fill or did not know how to work equipment a child could operate. Signal Officer informs the commander that he could easily communicate with the snake using just his voice. Commander insists that he NEEDS to video-conference with the snake, with real-time streaming positional and logistical data on the snake displayed on video screens to either side. Gives Signal Corps $5 Billion to make this happen. Sigo abuses the 2 smart people in the corps to make it happen, while everybody else stands around, bitches, and takes credit. In the end, General Dynamics and several sub-contractors make a few billion dollars, the 2 smart people get out and go to work for them, and the commander gets what he asked for only in fiber-optic based simulations. The snake is forgotten.

>> O Anonymous 11/26/12(Mon)14:27 No.13490398 Replies: >>13490416 >>13490455 (Everyone has heard this, but I laugh at it all the same) The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations (AO) 1. Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area. 2. Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake. 3. Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes. 4. Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure. 5. Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it. 6. Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e., cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars. >> O Anonymous 11/26/12(Mon)14:30 No.13490416 Replies: >>13490426 >>13490436 >13490455 >>13490398 7. Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel settlement upon return. 8. Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using countermobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops. 9. Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALS kill Muslim extremist snakes. 10. Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection. 11. Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations. 12. Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost. 13. Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere. 14. Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial encounter, then works feverishly to save snake's life. 15. Quartermaster: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.) > O Anonymous 11/26/12(Mon)14:34 No.13490436 Replies: >>13490450 >>13490454 >>13490455 >>13490416 16. C-17 Transport pilot: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, delivers two weeks after due date. 17. F-15 pilot: Mis-identifies snake as enemy Mil-24 Hind helicopter and engages with missiles. Crew chief paints snake kill on aircraft. 18. F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses snake target, but get direct hit on Embassy 100 KM East of snake due to weather (Too Hot also Too Cold, Was Clear but too overcast, Too dry with Rain, Unlimited ceiling with low cloud cover etc.) Claims that purchasing multi-million dollar, high-tech snake-killing device will enable it in the future to kill all snakes and achieve a revolution in military affairs. 19. AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on infra-red. Infrared only operable in desert AO's without power lines or SAM's. 20. UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake builds bonfire, pops smoke, lays out VS 17 to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into fire. 21. B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target. 22. MinuteMan Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use nuclear weapons. 23. Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only four of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW. 24. Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional courtesy. >> O Anonymous 11/26/12(Mon)14:37 No.13490450 >>13490436 Last one 25. Signal: Tries to communicate with snake..fail repeated attempts. Complains that the snake did not have the correct fill or did not know how to work equipment a child could operate. Signal Officer informs the commander that he could easily communicate with the snake using just his voice. Commander insists that he NEEDS to video-conference with the snake, with real-time streaming positional and logistical data on the snake displayed on video screens to either side. Gives Signal Corps $5 Billion to make this happen. Sigo abuses the 2 smart people in the corps to make it happen, while everybody else stands around, bitches, and takes credit. In the end, General Dynamics and several sub-contractors make a few billion dollars, the 2 smart people get out and go to work for them, and the commander gets what he asked for only in fiber-optic based simulations. The snake is forgotten.

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God Bless America

I know you can't attach a grenade launcher to a pistol, but I'd still love it if you could.

I know you can't attach a grenade launcher to a pistol, but I'd still love it if you could.

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Traditional Greeting

Welcome to /k/. Now git out.

Welcome to /k/. Now git out.

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A /K/ommando in it's natural habitat.

I shouldn't be laughing at this too much, the only thing I'm missing myself is a gun.

I shouldn't be laughing at this too much, the only thing I'm missing myself is a gun.

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Next Generation British MBT

"Oi Guvnor, Yew gotta loicense fer dat Tank?"

"Oi Guvnor, Yew gotta loicense fer dat Tank?"

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The /K/arrier

/K/, a magical place.

/K/, a magical place.

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Boom ball

He wanna play with the FORBIDD EN TENNIS BALL GRENADE, HA 8-15 COMP @broken_and_unreadable

He wanna play with the FORBIDD EN TENNIS BALL GRENADE, HA 8-15 COMP @broken_and_unreadable

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Bulletproof Blankets

I feel bad for laughing at this.

Should I feel bad for laughing at this?

I feel bad for laughing at this.

Should I feel bad for laughing at this?

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Lawful Puns

You thought that, that was all of them, but that's where Lawr wrong

You thought that, that was all of them, but that's where Lawr wrong

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A /K/adet asks for advice

Da, now she is ready to defend the Motherland.......and her TV set.

Da, now she is ready to defend the Motherland.......and her TV set.

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Anon inherits the best gun collection.............in the wooooorrrrrlllllllld.

For those unaware, a gyrojet is a bolter from WH40k.

Not "like" a Bolter, but an honest to god rocket launcher rifle or pistol, depending on the version.

Anon lucked out massively with that one.

For those unaware, a gyrojet is a bolter from WH40k.

Not "like" a Bolter, but an honest to god rocket launcher rifle or pistol, depending on the version.

Anon lucked out massively with that one.

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A pilgrim comes to the end of his journey.

Ave Nex Alea

Ave Nex Alea

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Praise be to the Murdercube

weapons the name of the Kube, the One and the People. 1:7 THE SKRIPTURE OF THE HOLY KUBE Blessed is the man who bears in KALEA NEX ALEA NEX AVE N SALUTO

weapons the name of the Kube, the One and the People. 1:7 THE SKRIPTURE OF THE HOLY KUBE Blessed is the man who bears in KALEA NEX ALEA NEX AVE N SALUTO

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The Chosen one of the Murder Cube

I Anonymous 08/17/13(Sat)09:13:46 No. 17598871[v] >>17599466 >>17598910 >>17598962 0001 jpg (66 KB, 3467x506) google igdb copyright C2008 7.62x54r.net >>17598822 (OP) am become death, destroyer of worlds. I hit harder than you I row boats better than you pitch tents better than you grill food better than you burn better than dor you smash cinderblocks better than you am more reliable than you am cheaper than you. don't even need to have as much magazine space as you because there are few beasts roaming this earth that can withstand 5 surplus x54r. always work will will never break unless you are iraqveteran888* am superior I am older. Look upon me and despair. Anything you can do i can do better. Anything i can do is better than you.

I Anonymous 08/17/13(Sat)09:13:46 No. 17598871[v] >>17599466 >>17598910 >>17598962 0001 jpg (66 KB, 3467x506) google igdb copyright C2008 7.62x54r.net >>17598822 (OP) am become death, destroyer of worlds. I hit harder than you I row boats better than you pitch tents better than you grill food better than you burn better than dor you smash cinderblocks better than you am more reliable than you am cheaper than you. don't even need to have as much magazine space as you because there are few beasts roaming this earth that can withstand 5 surplus x54r. always work will will never break unless you are iraqveteran888* am superior I am older. Look upon me and despair. Anything you can do i can do better. Anything i can do is better than you.

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Anon cousin shoots Anon backside

Anonymous 10/19/20(Mon)13:51:31 No.46994240 >>46994303 >>46994478 >>46997772 >>46997905 >>46998282 >>46998513 >>46993957 >>46993962 >Be me, freshly 18 and want to celebrate with a range trip >Have a couple black powder revolvers but relatively new to it so prone to making amateurish mistakes >Bring cousin because I hadn't seen him in a bit but always liked hanging out with him >Cousin has never shot before and is kind of a retard but I bring him anyways to try and teach him >Underestimate how much of a retard cousin is >Bring my 1858 Remington clone with us because it hadn't seen the range in a while and I thought he might be impressed by the smoke cloud air range with individual bays backed up to a berm >Before >Have cousin repeat everything back to me doing any set up at I it my cousin down at the bench, ensure he's paying attention, and drill into him the 4 rules of firearms and explain to him the difference between hot and cold range >Range trip ensues, having a blast, being safe, cousin thinks the 1858 is t--- and insists on shooting it despite the 15 minute load time >Call cold range to changet >Leave my 1858 loaded but uncapped on the table >Walk down range and put a target up on the left, then start stapling a new one to the stand on the right >Almost done setting up right side target targets >Hard >Searing pain >Collapse into the dirt by the target and scream my lungs out >Cousin is panicking and apologizing profusely >Someone calls an ambulance >Paramedics help get my shirt off >44 cal lead ball is lodged about half way into my skin >Hurts like a So here's what happened based on what I was able to ascertain afterwards >Cousin comes clean and tells me he thought was making up all these safety rules because he thought I thought he was a retard >He is a retard >He's been playing too much Overwatch and figured that since he mains McCree he could pull off some badass trick where he would nail the bullseye of the target I was putting up while I was crouched in front of stapling (1/2) impact on left shoulder blade dead center bitch getting pried out O Anonymous 10/19/20(Mon)13:56:33 No.46994303 >>46994396 >>46997451 >>46997772 >>46994240 >The f----- picked up my 1858, capped it, and let a round loose from the hip >He hit me instead of the target and panicked >Guy in the neighboring bay drew down on cousin and his buddy called the ambulance >Checking the powder jar I brought with me to the range that day, the powder was damp because I stored it improperly >The damp powder resulted in a near squib load which is why the round didn't penetrate very far and was stopped by my shoulder blade >Cousin traumatized >Shirt ruined >Powder ruined >1858 scratched to f--- because my cousin dropped it when he got drawn on >Range trip ruined

Anonymous 10/19/20(Mon)13:51:31 No.46994240 >>46994303 >>46994478 >>46997772 >>46997905 >>46998282 >>46998513 >>46993957 >>46993962 >Be me, freshly 18 and want to celebrate with a range trip >Have a couple black powder revolvers but relatively new to it so prone to making amateurish mistakes >Bring cousin because I hadn't seen him in a bit but always liked hanging out with him >Cousin has never shot before and is kind of a retard but I bring him anyways to try and teach him >Underestimate how much of a retard cousin is >Bring my 1858 Remington clone with us because it hadn't seen the range in a while and I thought he might be impressed by the smoke cloud air range with individual bays backed up to a berm >Before >Have cousin repeat everything back to me doing any set up at I it my cousin down at the bench, ensure he's paying attention, and drill into him the 4 rules of firearms and explain to him the difference between hot and cold range >Range trip ensues, having a blast, being safe, cousin thinks the 1858 is t--- and insists on shooting it despite the 15 minute load time >Call cold range to changet >Leave my 1858 loaded but uncapped on the table >Walk down range and put a target up on the left, then start stapling a new one to the stand on the right >Almost done setting up right side target targets >Hard >Searing pain >Collapse into the dirt by the target and scream my lungs out >Cousin is panicking and apologizing profusely >Someone calls an ambulance >Paramedics help get my shirt off >44 cal lead ball is lodged about half way into my skin >Hurts like a So here's what happened based on what I was able to ascertain afterwards >Cousin comes clean and tells me he thought was making up all these safety rules because he thought I thought he was a retard >He is a retard >He's been playing too much Overwatch and figured that since he mains McCree he could pull off some badass trick where he would nail the bullseye of the target I was putting up while I was crouched in front of stapling (1/2) impact on left shoulder blade dead center bitch getting pried out O Anonymous 10/19/20(Mon)13:56:33 No.46994303 >>46994396 >>46997451 >>46997772 >>46994240 >The f----- picked up my 1858, capped it, and let a round loose from the hip >He hit me instead of the target and panicked >Guy in the neighboring bay drew down on cousin and his buddy called the ambulance >Checking the powder jar I brought with me to the range that day, the powder was damp because I stored it improperly >The damp powder resulted in a near squib load which is why the round didn't penetrate very far and was stopped by my shoulder blade >Cousin traumatized >Shirt ruined >Powder ruined >1858 scratched to f--- because my cousin dropped it when he got drawn on >Range trip ruined

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Baghdad Varmint Hunt

Anonymous 08/21/15(Fri)22:10:44 No.26965809 >>26965973 >>26966048 >>26966079 >>26967550 >>26969366 >>26969481 >>26972083 >>26975095 >>26975202 File: 1356392741843.jpg (2.04 MB, 1863x1200) >>26965351 >>26965491 Got another to tell just because Ive never told it besides to my close friends and I think /k/ would appreciate it. This one takes place on my first deployment really early in the war >Baghdad not too long after it fell >foot patrol clearing houses >evacuated area no one should be there >expecting resistance but no haji in sight. >most of our patrol area was cleared >start taking pop shots >bunker down in building >coms going crazy trying to pin down whats going on >too many units in the area >coms guy is freaking out >LT is freaking out >trying to call in support >suddenly silence >suddenly sound of humvee >not a convoy ONE humvee >soft top green humvee flying dowwn road >LT walks out to flag them down >see the brightest thing I have ever seen >blinds me like the sun >the driver has hanging out the window a f------ nickle plated 1911 >screaming asks WHERE THE F--- IS HAJI ÄT >super think accent >LT demands he tell them who they are and what unit they're with and why they are on their own >driver i assume is a private screams KENTUCKY NATION GUARD BITCH WHO THA F--- ARE YOU SIR >entire platoon rolling on the ground some cheering >someone yells at them direction we took fire from >LT is silent in avwe >Kentuckians say WE'LL GIT EM BOYS >take off down the road firing 1911 in the direction we pointed to >f------ Kentucky national guard

Anonymous 08/21/15(Fri)22:10:44 No.26965809 >>26965973 >>26966048 >>26966079 >>26967550 >>26969366 >>26969481 >>26972083 >>26975095 >>26975202 File: 1356392741843.jpg (2.04 MB, 1863x1200) >>26965351 >>26965491 Got another to tell just because Ive never told it besides to my close friends and I think /k/ would appreciate it. This one takes place on my first deployment really early in the war >Baghdad not too long after it fell >foot patrol clearing houses >evacuated area no one should be there >expecting resistance but no haji in sight. >most of our patrol area was cleared >start taking pop shots >bunker down in building >coms going crazy trying to pin down whats going on >too many units in the area >coms guy is freaking out >LT is freaking out >trying to call in support >suddenly silence >suddenly sound of humvee >not a convoy ONE humvee >soft top green humvee flying dowwn road >LT walks out to flag them down >see the brightest thing I have ever seen >blinds me like the sun >the driver has hanging out the window a f------ nickle plated 1911 >screaming asks WHERE THE F--- IS HAJI ÄT >super think accent >LT demands he tell them who they are and what unit they're with and why they are on their own >driver i assume is a private screams KENTUCKY NATION GUARD BITCH WHO THA F--- ARE YOU SIR >entire platoon rolling on the ground some cheering >someone yells at them direction we took fire from >LT is silent in avwe >Kentuckians say WE'LL GIT EM BOYS >take off down the road firing 1911 in the direction we pointed to >f------ Kentucky national guard

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