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/k/ designs an entry-team-proof house (reuploaded)
![File : 1318817770.jpg-(241 KB, 1024x655, winchester_mystery_house_san_jose_ca-102(.).jpg) O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:16 No.9947401 O why are you a f-? IKI62nNb6fo!!plE1SruxqmF 10/16/11(Sun)23:11 No.9947803 File1318821101.jpg-(30 KB, 292x219, 1313149945726.jpg) O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:46 No.9947637 >>9947603 honestly from my perspective if you were to design a house incorporating all this insane s--- and as long as it wasn't an actual i'd find the whole event fun as hell. The brits allowed us to blind clear their old abandoned consulate building once. F------ hell it was a nightmare of abandoned construction. half torn through rooms suicidal stair ways and even at one point a jungle (trees were growing on the roof). We spent a total of 6 hours clearing it and were exhausted by the time we were done but it felt nice like we all came together by the second hour or so. There's no feeling greater than knowing exactly what your buddy is about to do before he does it because your used to him ITT: House/Building Designs that f--- with an entry team. >>9947753 Think the Winchester mansion except in a livable design. Doors that open in such a way to block off a halway and only allow one person in at a time and that also open in such a way as they rush in all that's there is a wall. Silly s--- that f---- with them, long hallways with silly mirors or one way glass. >top hinged doors I damn near s--- myself at the sheer possibilities O why are you a f--? IKI62nNb6fo!lplE1SruxqmF 10/16/11(Sun)22:49 No.9947649 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:12 No.9947807 File1318821142.jpg-(38 KB, 400x400, hallway1 jpg) Ideas, Designs, layouts and pics welcomed! Trip wires with pull string confetti launchers Again the goal is to f--- with them not kill them Paint a hallway on a wall! Wiley Coyote that s---! Motion sensor Animatronic hell beasts. *O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:19 No.9947423 Those halloween bats that fly in a circle but put them on ziplines and attatch screachers Just put mirrors everywhere with strobe lights. Rooms that have everything in them painted a flat primary color, and have fluorescent lighting. >> O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:21 No.9947446 Fog horns uh why do you need a design that f---- with an entry team Hallways with pressure tiles that shoot paintball guns at them like some indiana jones tomb raid. *O OKLAHOMA F--- YEAH 10/16/11(Sun)23:12 No.9947808 File1318821153.jpg-(34 KB, 530x510, Sell-Sell-Large-Production-Lin(..).jpg) Revolving doors that go nowhere, or rotate 90 degrees and then lock O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:22 No.9947457 a floor made entirely of roller bars The tightest spiral staircases imaginable. Shameless bump Rope ladders and playground slides >>9947423 Lol Strobes like that idea, Untill they kill the power. Swing ropes with weight limits, or they have counter weights and will just drop them safely to the floor below. Water balloons full of unfiltered reclaimed water rigged to fall out of tripwire controlled balloon nets. Any other ideas? O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23: 13 No.9947816 Oh i've got a bunch. >>9947779 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:22 No.9947461 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:51 No.9947670 Best mental image. Ever. >>9947401 f--- my life. I did room clearing and internal defense training for 3 years and that s--- would make me blow my head off before entry. Also rooms with mirrors aren't an issue they just lead to shot up mirrors and a p----- off entry team. The worst set up I can recall is an 8 floor Atrium with over 50 uncleared doors and 6 cat walks. If anything were to go wrong it would be there >Revolving doors that go nowhere, or rotate 90 degrees and then lock O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23: 14 No.9947825 Yes Must do, make it look like a room behind with say a curtain door but in reality its not there. Someone who has a layout program installed please start making this into an actual floor plan LOL O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:22 No.9947465 O why are you a f--? IKI62nNb6fo!lpIE1SruxqmF 10/16/11(Sun)22:51 No.9947675 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:15 No.9947826 >>9947446 >>9947567 >>9947546 Because its lawvlz worthy, For example I could be designing my new house right now and want to be a troll IRL? GODI LAWLED SO HARD. thanks man God damn, you're an a------ sir. O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:26 No.9947494 O why are you a f--? IKI62nNb6fo!!plE1SruxqmF 10/16/11(Sun)23:15 No.9947828 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:52 No.9947678 >>9947461 Small cube Neodium magnets 6 inches apart strung together on nonmagnetic chains like doorway beads through a long hallway >Every staircase is a down escalator If you had to pick fetures with designs/houses that you just FUCKINGRAGEFACEHATE coming from an entry team perspective. what would they be? In detail? or if you have things that might be luls worthy Good luck keeping your guns and god forbid they have steel plates in their vests O why are you a f-? IKI62nNb6fo!lplE1SruxqmF 10/16/11(Sun)23:00 No.9947718 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23: 15 No.9947830 Some more: O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:32 No.9947538 Since nobody seems to have posted it yet according to ctrl+f, there was a Japanese castle that was designed specifically to withstand a siege. Ball pits >>9947494 not exactly rage worthy but doors across from each other when your only running one stick f------ sucks. It was built on a hill near a cliff, and had wide open courtyards with numerous chokepoints, and was designed so that the defenders could easily fall back to other defensible locations should the first ones fall. The walls had numerous holes to shoot from and were made of a fire-resistant material (not stone IIRC). The castle was set up so that it was very difficult to scale any walls without being easily noticed, and should someone make it to the top, the floors were designed to squeak very loudly so that whoever was there wouldn't go unnoticed. Bycicle horns/whoopie cushions/Bubble wrap under area rugs Also a hallway that ends in a door that opens into a large room where the hallway is literally inside the room. F----- if anyone is in that room they can light up the hallway and drop everyone like a bag of potatoes. Carwash in the middle of a major hallway that cannot be bypassed, fill nozzles with shaving foam Room that sáys bat 'cave on the door, till it with tloor to ceiling whittle bats and bàlls Going into rooms that have loud ambient noise was always a pain in the ass. There was a generator and HVAC room we would go into in our drills that always caused some sort of issue. The noise for some reason forces people to make mistakes. Sadly, I've forgotten the name, but I do know that the castle was never attacked. The video of it was pretty impressive, and I believe that if it was manned even by the people of its time period, an entry team would have one hell of a time getting inside the place. Room directly after with a sign that says anti-bat cave on the door that is a Long narrow hallway filled with double stacked mouse traps on the floor, and glued to the walls. Oh and tucking cubicles! luckıly i'm short (or unlucky tuck ott) so I don't have to hunch over when we clear office spaces with cubicles but tall people are like walkıng head shot targets. Worried about 9mm not having any stopping powah? you will when you might be firing through a f------ cubicle wall. Room where the entire floor is a giant Popsicle stick bomb. >> O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:16 No.9947832 >tilted hallways >upside down rooms(furniture on ceiling) >flickering lights with skeletons with chainsaws that pop out >doors that remotely close separating the entry team >door at end of hallway which has large body of water behind it also also f--- door handles that require more than one hand to turn Room where 1/4 of the way through, a tripwire will coat the entire clearing team in catnip Next room full of adorable savannah kittens. >> O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:33 No.9947546 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:02 No.9947730 A room that is just doors all the way around. Most of them leading to nothing but the wall behind it. Stairs that lead up to the ceiling. Floors that are tilted at a 45 degree angle. A door that leads to a door that leads to a door that leads to a door. Ball pits. Mannequins everywhere. 2 foot high doors that lead to real rooms. Doors that don't open and are just part of the wall. Imagine trying to breach that. Doors on the floor that open. Speakers that randomly play footstep sounds. ever been to a carnival fun house? that tilted catwalk inside a rotating tube? bonus for one of those patterns that give you vertigo by just looking at them while it's not even moving. *O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:17 No.9947841 File1318821434.jpg-(40 KB, 450x386, STHIB-db-sticky-hands-bulk-ven(.).jpg) >> paris IJGpbUljp5U 10/16/11(Sun)22:35 No.9947560 These things hung everywhere at face level. O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:03 No.9947733 >>9947401 >open door a little >put bucket of water on top of door >wait for entry team Also, fog/smoke machines. bumping for more ideas O why are you a f--? !KI62nNb6fo!!plE1SruxqmF 10/16/11(Sun)23:03 No.9947738 >> * O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:36 No.9947563 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:17 No.9947842 File1318821435.jpg-(143 KB, 1113x890, 1318746237076.jpg) >>9947670 The flat color and florescent lights is so no funrinture casts a shadow, so conceiveably, you'd have to know where everything is in the room to avoid tripping or bashing your knees on tables and such. >>9947546 i like these ideas, design this s--- now a staircase with this trap O why are you a f--? !KI62nNb6fo!!plE1SruxqmF 10/16/11(Sun)23:04 No.9947744 >> O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:37 No.9947567 >>9947730 >>9947401 water-tight hatches. water-tight hatches and knee knockers everywhere O why are you a f-? IKI62nNb6fo!lplE1SruxqmF 10/16/11(Sun)23:17 No.9947843 This O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:38 No.9947577 All the while playing tiny tim's tiptoe through the tulips running through random distortions and volume changes. dem foo's be trippin balls. Op here, Taking notes. These boys will go crazy in 10 minutes. * O OKLAHOMA F--- YEAH 10/16/11(Sun)23:05 No.9947753 File1318820732.png-(257 KB, 308x453, DURACOAT.png) If i ever do get this built Im going to offer it to the local S.W.A.T. Team for a training run but dont let them check it out before hand xD O OKLAHOMA F--- YEAH 10/16/11(Sun)23:18 No.9947855 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:38 No.9947580 Squeaky floors. Squeaky floors everywhere. A room full of dripping pipes A plush floor with squeaky toy guts hidden inside A room that smells like a candle store Simple. Have every door open inward so's they can't see the hinges, and but a doorknob on both sides of the door, so's they have to guess. Top hinged doors, for maximum f---. SMELLS O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:39 No.9947583 SMELLS EVERYWHERE If I as making a freaky house I would have a room with the carpet and furniture on the ceiling and the floor with a textured finished. 6ft tall hallways O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23: 19 No.9947858 Have the frot door lead to like 10 different rooms I wonder how entry teams feel about those beaded things people hang over door ways. >>9947828 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:40 No.9947594 * O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:05 No.9947759 YESSSS SSSSssSS!! Just hallway and room after room with them >>9947577 4" iron pipe placed vertically across entryways spaced 10" apart. They would have to get rid of their vests and such to squeeze through. hope you like broken doors, walls, furniture and the smell of gun powder/urine. * O why are you a f--? IKI62nNb6fo!!plE1SruxqmF 10/16/11(Sun)23:19 No.9947862 File1318821559.jpg-(94 KB, 1022x768, brilliant_RE_Lets_Say-s580x435(...).jpg) Large, rounded corners. "Be courteous be tactful. F--- it i'm going in" Flooring uneven enough to trip. >>y947841 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:40 No.9947596 Fishing line strung up randomly. Not hooked up to anything, but enough to catch on gear and get annoying. Now you're thinking A large steel door which can't be opened from the outside. Low ceilings BRILLIANT! *O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:42 No.9947603 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:20 No.9947866 File1318821624.jpg-(228 KB, 400x2231, Target distraction.jpg) O Drewsifer ly4yHFhYEKg 10/16/11(Sun)23:06 No.9947761 >>9947594 >>9947649 329947718 Paint targets on every wall. Im sorry a few grand of damaged s--- would be worth it. I'm laughing my ass off at the idea of a SWAT team being assaulted by such a house. Just stand there, Poker face going as these men come out of the house wanting to just skin the designer of that place alive.. XD "Sir! Ball piiit" *O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:43 No.9947610 File1318819385.jpg-(142 KB, 418x500, 5236237240_d6f8be78d5.jpg) O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:06 No.9947767 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:20 No.9947868 These guys. Everywhere. >>9947718 You sir, are an a------ of a genius. Stairs that turn into slides, a la Scooby Doo O Dan the Viking 10/16/11(Sun)23:08 No.9947774 Tripwire-rigged shotguns that shoot flags reading "BANG" >soaking wet shag rugs everywhere Closets packed with thousands of little rubber balls Those stupid singing bass, attached to extremely sensitive motion sensors, in every room O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:43 No.9947614 *O OKLAHOMA F--- YEAH 10/16/11(Sun)23:08 No.9947777 Moats. ITT: the /k/ mansion. * O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:22 No.9947879 That s--- worked for thousands of years a hallway filled with shop vac vaccumes on full blast. O why are you a f--? !KI62nNb6fo!lplE1SruxqmF 10/16/11(Sun)23:08 No.9947779 10000 bouncy balls drop into a hallway . fishhooks hanging from every were. *O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:44 No.9947621 File1318819493.png-(4 KB, 270x378, door.png) If you wanted to stop them from progressing, a room where its kept humid and warm with the floor coated in 2 inches of rubber cement, and rainbow neon shag carpet in 1 foot squares in the next. O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:23 No.9947883 Motion sensor fire sprinklers. >>9947580 Like this It'd be like some traumatic fly paper like experience where the only way to get them out is to cut the carpet around them, then they'll look like flamboyantly gay wookies in riot 00 gear Also, put the hinges in abnormal locations so they can't just shotgun 'em O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:29 No.9947948 File1318822179.jpg-(38 KB, 350x250, 6a00d8341c562c53ef014e8b076423(...).jpg) * O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:11 No.9947796 put these on the floor floor covered in liquid soap/grease/dragondildo lube, floor tilted away from doors. O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:11 No.9947798 File1318821084.jpg-(92 KB, 466x480, Too Many Balls Contained[4].jpg) O Beaver !14UBEAVER. 10/16/11(Sun)22:45 No.9947623 >>9947401 All of your doors looks like normal doors yet slide to side. You machine it so when closed they appear just like a regular door and barely fit into the hole they slide into. Also, you reinforce them so they can withstand trauma and still stay on their tracks, like build the tracks into the door itself to add strength and to hide the tracks. >>9947761 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:30 No.9947952 Underwater rooms. Have the ball pit supported over numerous parallel bungee ropes that can hold the weight of 7ft deep hollow plastic balls but will allow a 180lb + gear swat guy to slip thru. O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:45 No.9947627 Treble hooks on fishing line hung from the ceiling, filling a hallway. >>9947614 A slot opening along the walls, 6" high. Visibility restricted through opening by black cloth, for that "oh crap, what's behind this one?" A false floor!!!! Carpet and s--- but under it is WATER not deep, Just like a foot or so of standing water. Rooms with a series of 6' high walls that must be scaled. O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:11 No.9947801 File1318821097.jpg-(133 KB, 448x336, small-fundazzle-ball-pit.jpg) O Dan the Viking 10/16/11(Sun)22:46 No.9947634 Elevators that take you to random floors, and always lie about which one you are at. could you imagine? >air cannons with tripwires filled with paint >brick wall behind all doors * O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:30 No.9947959 File1318822255.jipg-(49 KB, 580x435, 1283461734991 jpg) >room with floor completely covered with dildos and tapioca pudding Giant, hi-res printouts of your penis on every door. O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:46 No.9947635 File1318819603.jpg-(122 KB, 500x657, 1293404258985.jpg) FORNICATE * O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:11 No.9947802 Butt-plug door knobs. >Mannequin filled with tannerite holding an air-soft AR with the orange painted black >mfw long hallway full of doors that open to the hallway, put switches on them so that when you open or close one door another one randomly opens down the hall, would be lol worthy Sack dummies inside closets with tape recorders of people saying crazy s--- playing, opening the closet door causes the dummy to fall, followed by teddy bears with I love you stitched on them. A room where cheese will fall from a trap ceiling if you stand on a pressure plate covered by a rug. A room with a gazebo in it, taking almost all of the room. THẺ CONSTABLE](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/masonry/002/017/298/31f.jpg)
![File : 1318817770.jpg-(241 KB, 1024x655, winchester_mystery_house_san_jose_ca-102(.).jpg) O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:16 No.9947401 O why are you a f-? IKI62nNb6fo!!plE1SruxqmF 10/16/11(Sun)23:11 No.9947803 File1318821101.jpg-(30 KB, 292x219, 1313149945726.jpg) O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:46 No.9947637 >>9947603 honestly from my perspective if you were to design a house incorporating all this insane s--- and as long as it wasn't an actual i'd find the whole event fun as hell. The brits allowed us to blind clear their old abandoned consulate building once. F------ hell it was a nightmare of abandoned construction. half torn through rooms suicidal stair ways and even at one point a jungle (trees were growing on the roof). We spent a total of 6 hours clearing it and were exhausted by the time we were done but it felt nice like we all came together by the second hour or so. There's no feeling greater than knowing exactly what your buddy is about to do before he does it because your used to him ITT: House/Building Designs that f--- with an entry team. >>9947753 Think the Winchester mansion except in a livable design. Doors that open in such a way to block off a halway and only allow one person in at a time and that also open in such a way as they rush in all that's there is a wall. Silly s--- that f---- with them, long hallways with silly mirors or one way glass. >top hinged doors I damn near s--- myself at the sheer possibilities O why are you a f--? IKI62nNb6fo!lplE1SruxqmF 10/16/11(Sun)22:49 No.9947649 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:12 No.9947807 File1318821142.jpg-(38 KB, 400x400, hallway1 jpg) Ideas, Designs, layouts and pics welcomed! Trip wires with pull string confetti launchers Again the goal is to f--- with them not kill them Paint a hallway on a wall! Wiley Coyote that s---! Motion sensor Animatronic hell beasts. *O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:19 No.9947423 Those halloween bats that fly in a circle but put them on ziplines and attatch screachers Just put mirrors everywhere with strobe lights. Rooms that have everything in them painted a flat primary color, and have fluorescent lighting. >> O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:21 No.9947446 Fog horns uh why do you need a design that f---- with an entry team Hallways with pressure tiles that shoot paintball guns at them like some indiana jones tomb raid. *O OKLAHOMA F--- YEAH 10/16/11(Sun)23:12 No.9947808 File1318821153.jpg-(34 KB, 530x510, Sell-Sell-Large-Production-Lin(..).jpg) Revolving doors that go nowhere, or rotate 90 degrees and then lock O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:22 No.9947457 a floor made entirely of roller bars The tightest spiral staircases imaginable. Shameless bump Rope ladders and playground slides >>9947423 Lol Strobes like that idea, Untill they kill the power. Swing ropes with weight limits, or they have counter weights and will just drop them safely to the floor below. Water balloons full of unfiltered reclaimed water rigged to fall out of tripwire controlled balloon nets. Any other ideas? O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23: 13 No.9947816 Oh i've got a bunch. >>9947779 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:22 No.9947461 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:51 No.9947670 Best mental image. Ever. >>9947401 f--- my life. I did room clearing and internal defense training for 3 years and that s--- would make me blow my head off before entry. Also rooms with mirrors aren't an issue they just lead to shot up mirrors and a p----- off entry team. The worst set up I can recall is an 8 floor Atrium with over 50 uncleared doors and 6 cat walks. If anything were to go wrong it would be there >Revolving doors that go nowhere, or rotate 90 degrees and then lock O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23: 14 No.9947825 Yes Must do, make it look like a room behind with say a curtain door but in reality its not there. Someone who has a layout program installed please start making this into an actual floor plan LOL O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:22 No.9947465 O why are you a f--? IKI62nNb6fo!lpIE1SruxqmF 10/16/11(Sun)22:51 No.9947675 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:15 No.9947826 >>9947446 >>9947567 >>9947546 Because its lawvlz worthy, For example I could be designing my new house right now and want to be a troll IRL? GODI LAWLED SO HARD. thanks man God damn, you're an a------ sir. O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:26 No.9947494 O why are you a f--? IKI62nNb6fo!!plE1SruxqmF 10/16/11(Sun)23:15 No.9947828 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:52 No.9947678 >>9947461 Small cube Neodium magnets 6 inches apart strung together on nonmagnetic chains like doorway beads through a long hallway >Every staircase is a down escalator If you had to pick fetures with designs/houses that you just FUCKINGRAGEFACEHATE coming from an entry team perspective. what would they be? In detail? or if you have things that might be luls worthy Good luck keeping your guns and god forbid they have steel plates in their vests O why are you a f-? IKI62nNb6fo!lplE1SruxqmF 10/16/11(Sun)23:00 No.9947718 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23: 15 No.9947830 Some more: O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:32 No.9947538 Since nobody seems to have posted it yet according to ctrl+f, there was a Japanese castle that was designed specifically to withstand a siege. Ball pits >>9947494 not exactly rage worthy but doors across from each other when your only running one stick f------ sucks. It was built on a hill near a cliff, and had wide open courtyards with numerous chokepoints, and was designed so that the defenders could easily fall back to other defensible locations should the first ones fall. The walls had numerous holes to shoot from and were made of a fire-resistant material (not stone IIRC). The castle was set up so that it was very difficult to scale any walls without being easily noticed, and should someone make it to the top, the floors were designed to squeak very loudly so that whoever was there wouldn't go unnoticed. Bycicle horns/whoopie cushions/Bubble wrap under area rugs Also a hallway that ends in a door that opens into a large room where the hallway is literally inside the room. F----- if anyone is in that room they can light up the hallway and drop everyone like a bag of potatoes. Carwash in the middle of a major hallway that cannot be bypassed, fill nozzles with shaving foam Room that sáys bat 'cave on the door, till it with tloor to ceiling whittle bats and bàlls Going into rooms that have loud ambient noise was always a pain in the ass. There was a generator and HVAC room we would go into in our drills that always caused some sort of issue. The noise for some reason forces people to make mistakes. Sadly, I've forgotten the name, but I do know that the castle was never attacked. The video of it was pretty impressive, and I believe that if it was manned even by the people of its time period, an entry team would have one hell of a time getting inside the place. Room directly after with a sign that says anti-bat cave on the door that is a Long narrow hallway filled with double stacked mouse traps on the floor, and glued to the walls. Oh and tucking cubicles! luckıly i'm short (or unlucky tuck ott) so I don't have to hunch over when we clear office spaces with cubicles but tall people are like walkıng head shot targets. Worried about 9mm not having any stopping powah? you will when you might be firing through a f------ cubicle wall. Room where the entire floor is a giant Popsicle stick bomb. >> O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:16 No.9947832 >tilted hallways >upside down rooms(furniture on ceiling) >flickering lights with skeletons with chainsaws that pop out >doors that remotely close separating the entry team >door at end of hallway which has large body of water behind it also also f--- door handles that require more than one hand to turn Room where 1/4 of the way through, a tripwire will coat the entire clearing team in catnip Next room full of adorable savannah kittens. >> O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:33 No.9947546 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:02 No.9947730 A room that is just doors all the way around. Most of them leading to nothing but the wall behind it. Stairs that lead up to the ceiling. Floors that are tilted at a 45 degree angle. A door that leads to a door that leads to a door that leads to a door. Ball pits. Mannequins everywhere. 2 foot high doors that lead to real rooms. Doors that don't open and are just part of the wall. Imagine trying to breach that. Doors on the floor that open. Speakers that randomly play footstep sounds. ever been to a carnival fun house? that tilted catwalk inside a rotating tube? bonus for one of those patterns that give you vertigo by just looking at them while it's not even moving. *O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:17 No.9947841 File1318821434.jpg-(40 KB, 450x386, STHIB-db-sticky-hands-bulk-ven(.).jpg) >> paris IJGpbUljp5U 10/16/11(Sun)22:35 No.9947560 These things hung everywhere at face level. O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:03 No.9947733 >>9947401 >open door a little >put bucket of water on top of door >wait for entry team Also, fog/smoke machines. bumping for more ideas O why are you a f--? !KI62nNb6fo!!plE1SruxqmF 10/16/11(Sun)23:03 No.9947738 >> * O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:36 No.9947563 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:17 No.9947842 File1318821435.jpg-(143 KB, 1113x890, 1318746237076.jpg) >>9947670 The flat color and florescent lights is so no funrinture casts a shadow, so conceiveably, you'd have to know where everything is in the room to avoid tripping or bashing your knees on tables and such. >>9947546 i like these ideas, design this s--- now a staircase with this trap O why are you a f--? !KI62nNb6fo!!plE1SruxqmF 10/16/11(Sun)23:04 No.9947744 >> O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:37 No.9947567 >>9947730 >>9947401 water-tight hatches. water-tight hatches and knee knockers everywhere O why are you a f-? IKI62nNb6fo!lplE1SruxqmF 10/16/11(Sun)23:17 No.9947843 This O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:38 No.9947577 All the while playing tiny tim's tiptoe through the tulips running through random distortions and volume changes. dem foo's be trippin balls. Op here, Taking notes. These boys will go crazy in 10 minutes. * O OKLAHOMA F--- YEAH 10/16/11(Sun)23:05 No.9947753 File1318820732.png-(257 KB, 308x453, DURACOAT.png) If i ever do get this built Im going to offer it to the local S.W.A.T. Team for a training run but dont let them check it out before hand xD O OKLAHOMA F--- YEAH 10/16/11(Sun)23:18 No.9947855 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:38 No.9947580 Squeaky floors. Squeaky floors everywhere. A room full of dripping pipes A plush floor with squeaky toy guts hidden inside A room that smells like a candle store Simple. Have every door open inward so's they can't see the hinges, and but a doorknob on both sides of the door, so's they have to guess. Top hinged doors, for maximum f---. SMELLS O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:39 No.9947583 SMELLS EVERYWHERE If I as making a freaky house I would have a room with the carpet and furniture on the ceiling and the floor with a textured finished. 6ft tall hallways O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23: 19 No.9947858 Have the frot door lead to like 10 different rooms I wonder how entry teams feel about those beaded things people hang over door ways. >>9947828 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:40 No.9947594 * O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:05 No.9947759 YESSSS SSSSssSS!! Just hallway and room after room with them >>9947577 4" iron pipe placed vertically across entryways spaced 10" apart. They would have to get rid of their vests and such to squeeze through. hope you like broken doors, walls, furniture and the smell of gun powder/urine. * O why are you a f--? IKI62nNb6fo!!plE1SruxqmF 10/16/11(Sun)23:19 No.9947862 File1318821559.jpg-(94 KB, 1022x768, brilliant_RE_Lets_Say-s580x435(...).jpg) Large, rounded corners. "Be courteous be tactful. F--- it i'm going in" Flooring uneven enough to trip. >>y947841 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:40 No.9947596 Fishing line strung up randomly. Not hooked up to anything, but enough to catch on gear and get annoying. Now you're thinking A large steel door which can't be opened from the outside. Low ceilings BRILLIANT! *O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:42 No.9947603 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:20 No.9947866 File1318821624.jpg-(228 KB, 400x2231, Target distraction.jpg) O Drewsifer ly4yHFhYEKg 10/16/11(Sun)23:06 No.9947761 >>9947594 >>9947649 329947718 Paint targets on every wall. Im sorry a few grand of damaged s--- would be worth it. I'm laughing my ass off at the idea of a SWAT team being assaulted by such a house. Just stand there, Poker face going as these men come out of the house wanting to just skin the designer of that place alive.. XD "Sir! Ball piiit" *O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:43 No.9947610 File1318819385.jpg-(142 KB, 418x500, 5236237240_d6f8be78d5.jpg) O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:06 No.9947767 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:20 No.9947868 These guys. Everywhere. >>9947718 You sir, are an a------ of a genius. Stairs that turn into slides, a la Scooby Doo O Dan the Viking 10/16/11(Sun)23:08 No.9947774 Tripwire-rigged shotguns that shoot flags reading "BANG" >soaking wet shag rugs everywhere Closets packed with thousands of little rubber balls Those stupid singing bass, attached to extremely sensitive motion sensors, in every room O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:43 No.9947614 *O OKLAHOMA F--- YEAH 10/16/11(Sun)23:08 No.9947777 Moats. ITT: the /k/ mansion. * O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:22 No.9947879 That s--- worked for thousands of years a hallway filled with shop vac vaccumes on full blast. O why are you a f--? !KI62nNb6fo!lplE1SruxqmF 10/16/11(Sun)23:08 No.9947779 10000 bouncy balls drop into a hallway . fishhooks hanging from every were. *O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:44 No.9947621 File1318819493.png-(4 KB, 270x378, door.png) If you wanted to stop them from progressing, a room where its kept humid and warm with the floor coated in 2 inches of rubber cement, and rainbow neon shag carpet in 1 foot squares in the next. O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:23 No.9947883 Motion sensor fire sprinklers. >>9947580 Like this It'd be like some traumatic fly paper like experience where the only way to get them out is to cut the carpet around them, then they'll look like flamboyantly gay wookies in riot 00 gear Also, put the hinges in abnormal locations so they can't just shotgun 'em O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:29 No.9947948 File1318822179.jpg-(38 KB, 350x250, 6a00d8341c562c53ef014e8b076423(...).jpg) * O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:11 No.9947796 put these on the floor floor covered in liquid soap/grease/dragondildo lube, floor tilted away from doors. O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:11 No.9947798 File1318821084.jpg-(92 KB, 466x480, Too Many Balls Contained[4].jpg) O Beaver !14UBEAVER. 10/16/11(Sun)22:45 No.9947623 >>9947401 All of your doors looks like normal doors yet slide to side. You machine it so when closed they appear just like a regular door and barely fit into the hole they slide into. Also, you reinforce them so they can withstand trauma and still stay on their tracks, like build the tracks into the door itself to add strength and to hide the tracks. >>9947761 O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:30 No.9947952 Underwater rooms. Have the ball pit supported over numerous parallel bungee ropes that can hold the weight of 7ft deep hollow plastic balls but will allow a 180lb + gear swat guy to slip thru. O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:45 No.9947627 Treble hooks on fishing line hung from the ceiling, filling a hallway. >>9947614 A slot opening along the walls, 6" high. Visibility restricted through opening by black cloth, for that "oh crap, what's behind this one?" A false floor!!!! Carpet and s--- but under it is WATER not deep, Just like a foot or so of standing water. Rooms with a series of 6' high walls that must be scaled. O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:11 No.9947801 File1318821097.jpg-(133 KB, 448x336, small-fundazzle-ball-pit.jpg) O Dan the Viking 10/16/11(Sun)22:46 No.9947634 Elevators that take you to random floors, and always lie about which one you are at. could you imagine? >air cannons with tripwires filled with paint >brick wall behind all doors * O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:30 No.9947959 File1318822255.jipg-(49 KB, 580x435, 1283461734991 jpg) >room with floor completely covered with dildos and tapioca pudding Giant, hi-res printouts of your penis on every door. O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)22:46 No.9947635 File1318819603.jpg-(122 KB, 500x657, 1293404258985.jpg) FORNICATE * O Anonymous 10/16/11(Sun)23:11 No.9947802 Butt-plug door knobs. >Mannequin filled with tannerite holding an air-soft AR with the orange painted black >mfw long hallway full of doors that open to the hallway, put switches on them so that when you open or close one door another one randomly opens down the hall, would be lol worthy Sack dummies inside closets with tape recorders of people saying crazy s--- playing, opening the closet door causes the dummy to fall, followed by teddy bears with I love you stitched on them. A room where cheese will fall from a trap ceiling if you stand on a pressure plate covered by a rug. A room with a gazebo in it, taking almost all of the room. THẺ CONSTABLE](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/002/017/298/31f.jpg)
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Soviet Pizzeria
![O Ivan Komarov, Protector of the Soviet Union !19rYNYEgmxJM Wed Jun 5 03:33:40 2013 No.16599E Quoted by: >>16599688 >>16599702 >>16599725 >>16599752 >>16599793 >>16599975 GUISE GUISE I KNOW WHERE TO BUY A MI-24 SHOULD I START A PIZZA PARLOR >Man orders pizza >Do you want standard, or express? >EXPRESS >10 minutes later >WHUPWHUPWHUPWHUPWHUP >MI-24 lands on lawn Pback opens up >Man with ushanka jumps out >AAAAAH MOTHERLAND >Leaves pizza and free leninade >Fly away blasting soviet anthem O Anonymous Wed Jun 5 03:51:40 2013 No. 16599975 File: 55 KB, 800x531, EKRANO.jpg [View same] [google] Quoted by: >>16600055 >>16600068 >>16599667 >Location set up in Hawaii >Man orders pizzas for pizza party >5 minutes later >Loud buzzing coming from over the horizon >Ekranoplan speeds towards the shore >landfall >120 loud screaming Russians file out >DID YOU OF ORDER TWELVE LARGE CAPITALIST PIG SPECIALS WITH EXTRA BACON >yes >THAT WILL BE 192 FILTHY CAPITALIST CURRENCY STRIPS >H-here you go >Russians file back in >half of the female population of the party was already r---- O Anonymous Wed Jun 5 03:41:40 2013 No. 16599793 File: 88 KB, 960x640, 1366603879460.jpg (View same] [google] Quoted by: >>16599827 >>16599878 >>16599880 >>16599881 >>16599938 >>16599667 >Man orders pizza >Do you want standard, or express? >EXPRESS >10 minutes later >rrrrrrrRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAGH *CRASH* crashes though the front of his house >Mig 17's doing flybys over the house >Tank hatch pops open to reveal a plaster Russian with a tilted commissar's hat >HELLO YOU ARE ORDER AMERICAN GREASE DISK??? >uhhhh. y-yes. >WHAT I CANNOT BE HEARING YOU OVER ROAR OF GLORIOUS TANK ENGINE >Yes I ordered it. >GIVE 15 DOLLARS OF S----- GREEN PAPER, OR SHISHKEBAB YOU WITH BAYONETE. >The drunk Russian receives his payment and hops back in the tank to start the whole thing over again. >T-34](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/masonry/001/988/985/645.jpg)
![O Ivan Komarov, Protector of the Soviet Union !19rYNYEgmxJM Wed Jun 5 03:33:40 2013 No.16599E Quoted by: >>16599688 >>16599702 >>16599725 >>16599752 >>16599793 >>16599975 GUISE GUISE I KNOW WHERE TO BUY A MI-24 SHOULD I START A PIZZA PARLOR >Man orders pizza >Do you want standard, or express? >EXPRESS >10 minutes later >WHUPWHUPWHUPWHUPWHUP >MI-24 lands on lawn Pback opens up >Man with ushanka jumps out >AAAAAH MOTHERLAND >Leaves pizza and free leninade >Fly away blasting soviet anthem O Anonymous Wed Jun 5 03:51:40 2013 No. 16599975 File: 55 KB, 800x531, EKRANO.jpg [View same] [google] Quoted by: >>16600055 >>16600068 >>16599667 >Location set up in Hawaii >Man orders pizzas for pizza party >5 minutes later >Loud buzzing coming from over the horizon >Ekranoplan speeds towards the shore >landfall >120 loud screaming Russians file out >DID YOU OF ORDER TWELVE LARGE CAPITALIST PIG SPECIALS WITH EXTRA BACON >yes >THAT WILL BE 192 FILTHY CAPITALIST CURRENCY STRIPS >H-here you go >Russians file back in >half of the female population of the party was already r---- O Anonymous Wed Jun 5 03:41:40 2013 No. 16599793 File: 88 KB, 960x640, 1366603879460.jpg (View same] [google] Quoted by: >>16599827 >>16599878 >>16599880 >>16599881 >>16599938 >>16599667 >Man orders pizza >Do you want standard, or express? >EXPRESS >10 minutes later >rrrrrrrRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAGH *CRASH* crashes though the front of his house >Mig 17's doing flybys over the house >Tank hatch pops open to reveal a plaster Russian with a tilted commissar's hat >HELLO YOU ARE ORDER AMERICAN GREASE DISK??? >uhhhh. y-yes. >WHAT I CANNOT BE HEARING YOU OVER ROAR OF GLORIOUS TANK ENGINE >Yes I ordered it. >GIVE 15 DOLLARS OF S----- GREEN PAPER, OR SHISHKEBAB YOU WITH BAYONETE. >The drunk Russian receives his payment and hops back in the tank to start the whole thing over again. >T-34](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/988/985/645.jpg)
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The Eternal Soccer Mum
![Anonymous 11/02/14(Sun)09:47:16 No.23454347 ► >>23454422 >be me, M41.222, a holy warrior in our Emperor's space marine chapter of the Ultramarines >Walking around Ultramar, OCing my Bolter, the holy weapon gifted to us by the Emperor, hallowed be his name >see this hiver scum walk up to me, a woman, probably a xenon sympathizer, her hoard of children at her feet >"EXCUSE ME, YOU CANT CARRY THAT YOU'LL HURT MUH CHILLUNS" >explain that I am a member of the Adeptus Astartes, fury of the Emperor, and i have been authorized to carry His implements of battle into the field of combat >"NO ONE NEEDS A BOLTER, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, FIGHT OFF ALL OF THE EMPERORS CHAPTERS OF SPACE MARINES?" >she's having none of it >calls over the Arbites to summarily execute me >herewego.dataslate >he I am a member of the sacred order of the Space Marines, and bows and grovels at my feet ie sees >he inspects the >turns out she is an agent of the ruinous powers, come to destroy us from within >itspurgingtime.holoslate >go to His holy smithy, get some bolter ammo Fear not loyal citizens of the Imperium, the bolted shortage is over! :woman O K/im Jong Lulz !!812N¡U5IANP 08/16/11(Tue)17:12 No.9529961 e File1313529164.jpg-(4 KB, 120x89, 120px-Ultimate-youtube-w--.jpg) Anonymous 10/21/14(Tue)20:37:07 No.23314190 >>23314263 >>23314505 File: 5421605272_3540ca6996 z.jpg (239 KB, 640x427) >Friend stops by my house in Kubelwagen to take me to the reenactment we f--- around >be inna Waffen ss in >beautiful day in Bremen circa 1937 >day off, not in uniform >carrying Luger p-08 >heiling every likeness of Hitler like a good >Waffen SS >Hes dressed up in Flecktarn with his mp40 in the back >l come out with my Kar98k slung in my flecktarn. >Mom across the street (soccer mom for real.) spots me as she takes her daughter to some soccer game >"GET INSIDE!" The kid goes in >She crosses the street without even looking both way (shes clearly p-----) >Stops infront of me and gives me a strange look me your lisences and information before I call the cops" >Like a smartass I say "Vhat?" Nazi >foosball mutter sees p-08 and calls for the police >herewego.goebbels >geatapo shows up >exchange 10 minutes of pleasant heiling >"Are Are you a communist?" >"No officers, I am a member of the Waffen SS." this time >She repeats it more angry fake >Start >She gets p----- and pulls out her cell phone, dialing 911 >"Police, I have two armed nazi death squad members here. >Roll my eyes and walk towards my friend in the kubel, she is p----- trying push me back to keep me in place. to her in german as if telling her the hell you saying? >"Very good sir, Heil Hitler." >foosball mutter is furious >demands I be arrested >geatapo notices her eye color >brown the kubelwagen and we look at each other like lol wut? show un >Guns drawn they come to the kubelwagen >"What are you two doing?" >my friend in the driver seat says in a thick german accent. "Ve go to kill ze russia swine ja?" >The cop stares at both of us. >"Get the f--- out of here." >We both say "Jawohl." and leave >Soccer mom is still p----- at me a year later. >Cops >turns out her last name is finklestein >off to the camps >me and Gestapo officer become Eastern front trench buddies I Anonymous 10/21/14(Tue)23:08:26 No.23316020 >>23316109 File: Apache.jpg (114 KB, 338x507) I Anonymous 11/02/14(Sun)11:34:48 No.23455163 ► >23455194 23455230 >>23455239 >>23455278 File: 47334. 1088714856[11.jpg (42 KB, 400x300) >visiting Ga-koro to see my girlfriend >OC'an my Kanoka launcher, pic related >Kohli-mom sees me >EXCUSE ME >be me >be buffalo hunter in Apache tribe >come back from hunting trip to neighboring Apache tribe to meet childhood friend >meet with friend, discuss the prices of spears >notagain.kanohi >WHATS THAT FOR >explain to her that I'm a Ta-koro guardsman >I BET YOU SHOOT THOSE HARMLESS RAHI FOR FUN >tell her that the Rahi in Ta-koro are quite dangerous and that the Turaga has issued an order to thin their numbers >W-WELL YOURE JUST COMPENSATING FOR YOUR SMALL GEARS >he says my oak shaft flint tipped spear is only worth at most 10 beads >laughingcoyote.tipipainting >about to correct him when suddenly a berrypicker woman passes by and sees my spear >spookedbuffalo.totem >just about done with this crosswired broad >TM REPORTING YOU TO THE TOA >l already told you I'm a guardsman >NOT HÉRE PUNK >starts screaming for Gali >THERE'S A TA-MATORAN WITH A KANOKA LAUNCHER, HE'S GOING TO SHOOT UP THE KINI AND >she screams at me saying "you can't have spear hear, you don't need it when we aren't on the warpath!" >try to calm her saying "I was given it by the shaman, was blessed by the Great Spirit, it used to hunt and ward off evil spirits" >she refuses to listen, is stubborn like buffalo bull >she calls for the chiefs braves to cast me into the great dance fire >Chief and his braves arrive >he recognizes me >we are both enthusiasts of shooting rare white men's boom sticks on occasion at buffalo >he lets me go KILL THE TURAGA >Gali surfs over (what a QT) >Where is he, child? >points at me >explain the situation >Gali laughs >l recognize you from when Toa Tahu awarded you that medal. You're free to go, fire-spitter. >Kohlii-mom goes berserk >starts wailing on me with her kid's Kohlii stick >Gali blasts her off the dock with her water hooks >laughingmatoran.runes >Sorry, guardsman. Have a nice stay in Ga-koro. >grabs her and takes her, kicking and screaming, to the Turaga >my kanohi when she was sentenced to work in the Onu-koro mines for a month >my kanohi when I had great sex later with Hahli >feelsgood.chronicle >has berrypicker woman exiled to Comanche territory for disturbing the spirits >mfw later that day I got 16 beads and a wolf pelt for my spear at the trader's hut I Anonymous 11/01/14(Sat)23:17:27 No.23451187 File: 140127-malboro-eric-lawso(...).jpg (30 KB, 640x476) >be me >Wyoming, 1902 >just got back from rustling some rustlers off my land with my 1895 Lever Action >s--- was a fistful of dollars >seek a tall glass of ale to cool off in the saloon >OCarrying my Single Action Colt >finest gun ever made >settle down on a stool, tell Roger McWest to pour me a tall one >out of the corner of my eye see saloon wench eyeing my piece >here we go.wool >"AHH BETCHU KEEL ALAWTTA INJUNS WID DAT DERR MAH-SHEEN AH DEATH DONTCHA" >"HOW YEW GOAWNNA GIT INTA HEAVIN WIT DAT CONSCIENCE" >l've had enough of this, I am a calm man, and a man of god >Take awf ma cowbo hat >"Ma'am, I swear this here piece is to deal with rustlers" >turn back around, twirl my moustache and get ready to enjoy beer >feel Pleel pain on back of head >glass everywhere >pinstripe suited man stops playing his tune on the piano >injuns and negros looking our way >feel the red stuff seeping into my calfskin coat Scho >she bellows "AH AIM CALLIN DA SHERRIFF" >sheriff comes, twirls his moustache >l twirl mine back >wench keeps making noise after receiving explanation >"HARREST DIS MAN" >sheriff says "naw" and gives her a smack >finish my beer >today was a nice day O Arrr, me sides be hurtin'! Anonymous 06/21/13(Fri)12:31 No.16835745 Replies: >>16835820 >Be arrivin' in port >We be makin' a stop fer supplies 'n town >Step off me ship with me flintlocks on waist an' me Cookson Volitional Repeater over me back >Not a'soul be takin' notice o' me an' me crew wit open carryin' ar small arsenal >Arrr, this be the spot! Groceries n' other supplies. >As customs be handlin' our shiptroubles an' riggin', we head to me favorite rest'raunt fer ar midday meal >The food be fine unlike salted meat n' beans fer sea dinin' >The crew be careful with alchohol intake cuz we be packin' heat today >Things be goin' swell 'til a snooty bitch interrupt our good fortune s'far >Enter the landwhale. Aye, I said it! A landwhale! >If I ever saw a whale walk upon th' earth, this wretch would be its closest relative! >Shiver me timbers! At her feet be a group o'rowdy chilluns! Tis a Landmother! >She be starin' aghast at our many armaments >"THEY BE BLOODY PIRATES! WHY ARENT YA BLOKES DOIN' SUMTHINT" >The manager be givin' her the cold "Why" eye >"Ma'am they are sailors. they are perfectly within their rights to carry arms in town, be it sword or shot." >The reason not be gettin' to 'er head. She blurts >"YOU VICIOUS BABY-EATIN' SEADOGS! I BET YE STRING UP YOUNGINS' AN' SHOOT 'EM! GET THE BLOODY GUARDS! THEY GON' RAID AN' SHOOT UP THE WHOLE PC >Me first mate tries an' fails calmin' the wretch down >She tackles him to yonder floor, suffocatin' him wit' hands and the rest o'her enourmous self! >We try shovin' the wretch off, but she gets up and trys a-crushin' more o'me crew! >The guards show up, muskets trained on us and the landwhale >Their highest-rankin' officer cometh forth, sayin' "What be the trouble here?! Explain!" >"THEY'RE BLOODY PIRATES! CUFF 'EM AN HANG 'EM!" Bellows the landblubberbitch. >He then ask the manager "is it true these men are pirates?" >Manger explains we've been comin' here fer months now, makin' shippin' runs accross the Caribbean, and how her high and blubbry self attacked us Will continue the tale O Anonymous 06/21/13(Fri)12:38 No.16835820 Replies: >>16835859 >>16835745 (OP) >Arrr, the authorities be on our side! >Whalebitch resists arrest >lt taketh a full 6 men and another 4 with muskets trained to detain this landmonster o' a woman >Ah, she left her childrun behind! >Me crew buy 'em a round o' cider and a good meal 'o duck >"Sirrah, is that a musket on yer back?" the eldest asks me >"Naw, son! It be a Volitional repeater! 12-shot wonder, forged in Boston a few years back. A single turn o' the knob gives 'er a load o'both powder and shot!" >Give the lad a bag o'shillings t'make up fer his tormentuous mother's naggin' >The guard cap'n share another round o'rum with the crew >Arrr O Anonymous 06/21/13(Fri)12:42 No.16835859 >>16835820 Twas a fine day. Won the favor o'a few tavernwenches that evenin'. All had fine meatmelons. The betas o' the crew were mighty jelly that evenin! I slammed the blowhole o'the finest one and belubbered her boobs 'wit me face! O Anonymous Mon Jan 27 00:16:34 2014 No.19744043 [View] File: 73 KB, 337x401, 1390803376790.jpg [View same] [google] >>19740376 >Be mineself >Take vp residence in ancestral homeland of the fair kingdom of Germany. >Completed the morrow's gong farming. >Receive mine yearly wages. >5 whole copper pieces. >Savnter to ye olde smithy >"Verily I ask vnto thee good blacksmithe, have thee any new weaponry?" ISHIGETH >"Indeed, dear s-----scented peasant! Jvst this past eve I hath completed orders For yon royal infantrie! they call these Handgonnes!" >Verily, I am intrigved. >To mine svrprise, A peasant from britannia Peers ovt of a large wooden cart fvll of her heathen spawn. >"THOV WISHEST TO PVRCHASE A GONNE!? THOSE AŘE SOLELY FOR THE INFANTRIE!" >onemvstbejesting.woodc vt >"DOST THOV WISH TO POSSESS A SIEGE DEVICE!?" >l shovt mightily "Begone, wench! It is within mine king-honored privileges to possess mine own weaponry!" >NAY! YOV WÍSHEŠT TO MASSACRE THOSE IN THE SHITEFIELĎ MINĖ SPAWN PLAYE IN! >GVARDS! GVARDS! >Gvards come at the behest of the offending briton >"ARREST THIS MAN, FOR HE WISHETH DEATH VPON THINE OWN SONNES!" >Captain of the gvard demandeth proof of mine offenses >svddenly, the wench's pallid, narrow face becomes bright rede. >"I say, briton, hast thov papers of leave from yovr lorde? >"..nay" she mvtters. >Captain of the gvard tosses a torche vnto the haycart of children. >Claimes he doth the kingdom a great aide by stopping the spread of "Brit-moores" >He and the gvard have their way with her behind yon smith's forge, then bringeth the blade vpon her >Graspeth my forarm, I graspeth his. >Captain and I vse the handgonne every fortnight together. withovt regard. >-1350, (I possess no calendar nor svndial) >Not having a handgonne >tapestry related. I Anonymous 11/02/14(Sun)12:42:10 No.23455797 ► >23455828 >>23455838 >>23456145 File: viking.jpg (90 KB, 799x543) >be me, year 796 I Anonymous 11/02/14(Sun)13:20:41 No.23456150 ► File: jaguar warrior.jpg (10 KB, 191x264) >back home in Nóregr after strandhögg vesterled >burning and pillaging feeble southern heathens >drekkar nearly overloaded with gold and treller >highfives.runestone >be me, inna Mexico circa1480 >be Aztec Jaguar warrior >OC my maquahuitl inna capital city of Tenochtitlan >just got back from war against the Tlaxcalans >taking time to relax on my way to watch a game of Ullamaliztli ball >in line outside the court >be in meadhall celebrating return, mjöd flowing freely >chieftain hyped to dritr >go out to take a leak >carrying my double edged, straight blade sverd >Hnefatafl woman sees my sword as I remove my ulfserk >ragnarökr.edda >WHY YOU CARRYING SVERD IN OPEN, YOU WANT TO SEND YOUNGS TO HEL? >du hva?.herotale >macehualtin woman behind me with her young ones spots my maquahuitl >cryingeagle.sunstone >"What are you doing with that weapon?!? Do you plan to sacrifice our young ones to the Tarascan Sun God?!?! You are a Tarascan spy!" >explain that I am raider, recently returned from Englalandr >try to tell that she has nothing to fear >me proceed to relieve >feel sharp blow in the back, and I fall down >Tarascan myself >everyone is looking at me now while she continues to yell >try to calm her down >she is having none of it >she calls the nearby high priest and his guards to sacrifice me >they come over >one of the priest's guards is a war brother of mine, we slew plenty of Tlaxcalans together >l explain myself to the priest >he has woman sacrificed on the highest pyramid to the Sun God. >GOT YOU YOUNG KILLER >sounds the gjallarhorn and calls the hird >HIRD ARREST THIS MAN HE PLANS TO CHALLENGE CHIEFTAIN >l explain that I am merely a returned raider >nearby berserkr confirms story >chieftain comes out to find out who's interrupting his ölreifr >put the woman on boat to sell her as trell in Gardarike File: 1362579538714.jpg-(40 KB, 337x450, 1362574516478.jpg) I Anonymous 10/21/14(Tue)18:21:09 No.23312276 ► >>23312424 File: enhanced-buzz-31212-13488(....jpg (191 KB, 625x414) 8 O Anonymous (ID: ZB/AVHKW) 03/06/13(Wed)07:18:58 UTC-7 No.463243124 9 Replies: >>463243467 >>463244350 >>463245097 >>463245603 >>463245886 >>463246096 >>463246217 >>463246531 >>23305033 >wending with myn swerde >a fat olde wyf qouth y-blent >"goddes woundes, that peasant hath by his syde a swerde" > "I am a knight" qouth I| >>463247140 >>463247413 >>463247616 >>463247661 >>463247851 What do you need a gladius for, Romanfats? If your house gets robbed, just call the lictor's guild or use your scutum to fend off the attack. >"thou canst hath that swerde by your syde" qouth she >"halp halp, this peasant assaulteth me" clepeth she >a constable alyght >"this peasant hath a swerde" clepeth the wyf >"art thou peasant or frankeleyn" qouth he >"i am a knight" qouth I and sheweth him the device of myn lorde the Duke of Clarence >the constable arested the wyf and the magistrat casteth her to the oubliette No Roman citizen actually needs a gladius. If push came to shove, what, are you and your untrained barbarian slaves going to defeat 10 legions by yourselves? What next, should you have the right to own a ballista? No Roman citizen should need anything more than a pugio to defend himself in his home. You're just overcompensating for your short stature and plebeian birth. I Anonymous 10/21/14(Tue)18:52:09 No.23312670 >>23312720 >>23312768 >>23312891 >>23313028 >>23313072 >>23313103 >>23313137 File: roman bust.jpg (54 KB, 500x497) > on the way to the theater of pompey > carrying pugio because visiting delegation of germans is in town > stop to buy an amphora of wine for the show > in line in front of plebeian housewife > smells like a tannery > "that'll be eight sesterci" > laughingjudean.frescoe reach reach for my coin purse, toga parts and my pugio is visible > plebeian woman: "jupiter and junor > dixit, "being a roman citizen i have the right to carry a dagger in public" > et femina respondit, "daggers are dangerous! do you expect to be robbed? no roman citizen needs a dagger! how could you stop all the emperor's legions by yourself?" > just then several praetorians pass > "PRAETORIANI! PRAETORIANI!" > wedidn'tdefeathannibalforthis.statue > "Halt, in the name of the Senate and the Roman People" > "He had a weapon! He said he was planning to overthrow the emperor! He's a Parthian agent!" > me he has a dagger!" > parthian > guards arrest me and take me to the camp of the praetorians > the prefect recognizes me because we sometimes sit together in the circus >i explain what happens > lets me go > crucifies woman > I Anonymous 10/21/14(Tue)20:00:46 No.23313651 ► >>23314031 >>23314061 >>23314504 File: Moorish bazaar.jpg (25 KB, 220x301) >be me >be one of the caravan master's men >caravan master sends me to the bazaar to purchase some fine silk >carrying scimitar because there have been bandits along the trade routes >at bazaar speaking to silk merchant >serf woman behind me spots scimitar >shriekingcamel.mosaic >the serf woman yells "why would you carry a scimitar? citizens are protected by the sultan's men! do you plan to abduct children to make them Janissaries? >"I am a man under the employ of a caravan master, I can rightfully carry a scimitar to protect the caravan." >Some of the sultan's men head the woman shrieking and showed up >"arrest this man he plans to assassinate the sultan! >Sultan's men take me to the captain >Captain of the sultan's guard is smoking hooka with my caravan master >l explain what happens >caravan master swears to my loyalty to the captain >l am set free >Captain orders a public beheading of the serf woman Anonymous 11/02/14(Sun)00:39:38 No.23451610 ► File: Chinese_age11.jpg (36 KB, 640x480) Anonymous 10/21/14(Tue)19:24:20 No.23313137 >23313168 >>23314414 File: Jebel-Acacus-Cave-paintin(..).jpg (60 KB, 640x427) >be me >be inna Qin dynasty China, 202BC >carrying Chu-ko-nu with me to defend against Mongolians >stop off at local rice paddy >filthy Nóng woman sees Chu-ko-nu >YOÚ CANNOT HAS IN PUBRIC! SHAMEFUR DISPRAY! >>23312670 >be at home fire during hunt >be have hunt spear >me not hunt because am watchtake care of camp >new cave wife of chief from other people >she overlyfertile hips and body >see me watch camp from outside fire >she say "What spear for?" >is for protect >"spear can only hurt, you hurt young ones!" >she oogas at me till hunting party come back >she tell them I want hurt young ones >they say me "why you do this?" >me say "am not want, have spear-protect young ones" >they nod knowingly >overlyfertile cavewoman am still say "all spear and club bad, remove" >l try to explain that Mongolians are filthy savages and they'll gang r--- you if they find you unarmed >she's not having any of it >YOU NO NEED CHU-KO-NU TO DEFEND FOR MONGORIAN! MONGORIAN WEAK! YOU WANT MAYBE KIRR CHIRDREN! YOU WANT MAYBE KIRR EMPEROR! ocal Shibing overhears the commotion i camp! >comes over >Nóng turns to him >HE SAY HE KIRR EMPEROR! BEHEAD HIM! >Shibing >La Shi.c calls commander .claysoldier >Commander recognises me from this time we gang r---- a whole village >Tells me not to worry, they've had problems with this village's peasants before >Soldier, commander and I gang r--- the peasant >Off prayers to moon goddess >chief himself knocks on head her with club >we laugh >no wonder her tribe lost fight /k/im jong lulz lgU7ve98enhE 11/02/14(Sun)10:05:02 No.23454488 ► 23454542 >Be Ugg >Be sharping stick >Rockfag tell me all he need is rock >BerryPickerAsFuck.Cavepainting he is smart as mammoth droppings SRockockfag >Rockfag gets mad >Tell me only people with small mammoth trunks in loincloth need sharp stick >Tell >Cave Mother walk by with brood >Start yelling at me for sharp stick >Think I kill her brood >She call Shaman over >Me and Shaman hunting brothers >He kills Cave Mother and offers her to sky spirit >Was good day, only 2 died from Saber Tooth. >Rockfag still big dumb.](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/masonry/001/988/983/79d.png)
![Anonymous 11/02/14(Sun)09:47:16 No.23454347 ► >>23454422 >be me, M41.222, a holy warrior in our Emperor's space marine chapter of the Ultramarines >Walking around Ultramar, OCing my Bolter, the holy weapon gifted to us by the Emperor, hallowed be his name >see this hiver scum walk up to me, a woman, probably a xenon sympathizer, her hoard of children at her feet >"EXCUSE ME, YOU CANT CARRY THAT YOU'LL HURT MUH CHILLUNS" >explain that I am a member of the Adeptus Astartes, fury of the Emperor, and i have been authorized to carry His implements of battle into the field of combat >"NO ONE NEEDS A BOLTER, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, FIGHT OFF ALL OF THE EMPERORS CHAPTERS OF SPACE MARINES?" >she's having none of it >calls over the Arbites to summarily execute me >herewego.dataslate >he I am a member of the sacred order of the Space Marines, and bows and grovels at my feet ie sees >he inspects the >turns out she is an agent of the ruinous powers, come to destroy us from within >itspurgingtime.holoslate >go to His holy smithy, get some bolter ammo Fear not loyal citizens of the Imperium, the bolted shortage is over! :woman O K/im Jong Lulz !!812N¡U5IANP 08/16/11(Tue)17:12 No.9529961 e File1313529164.jpg-(4 KB, 120x89, 120px-Ultimate-youtube-w--.jpg) Anonymous 10/21/14(Tue)20:37:07 No.23314190 >>23314263 >>23314505 File: 5421605272_3540ca6996 z.jpg (239 KB, 640x427) >Friend stops by my house in Kubelwagen to take me to the reenactment we f--- around >be inna Waffen ss in >beautiful day in Bremen circa 1937 >day off, not in uniform >carrying Luger p-08 >heiling every likeness of Hitler like a good >Waffen SS >Hes dressed up in Flecktarn with his mp40 in the back >l come out with my Kar98k slung in my flecktarn. >Mom across the street (soccer mom for real.) spots me as she takes her daughter to some soccer game >"GET INSIDE!" The kid goes in >She crosses the street without even looking both way (shes clearly p-----) >Stops infront of me and gives me a strange look me your lisences and information before I call the cops" >Like a smartass I say "Vhat?" Nazi >foosball mutter sees p-08 and calls for the police >herewego.goebbels >geatapo shows up >exchange 10 minutes of pleasant heiling >"Are Are you a communist?" >"No officers, I am a member of the Waffen SS." this time >She repeats it more angry fake >Start >She gets p----- and pulls out her cell phone, dialing 911 >"Police, I have two armed nazi death squad members here. >Roll my eyes and walk towards my friend in the kubel, she is p----- trying push me back to keep me in place. to her in german as if telling her the hell you saying? >"Very good sir, Heil Hitler." >foosball mutter is furious >demands I be arrested >geatapo notices her eye color >brown the kubelwagen and we look at each other like lol wut? show un >Guns drawn they come to the kubelwagen >"What are you two doing?" >my friend in the driver seat says in a thick german accent. "Ve go to kill ze russia swine ja?" >The cop stares at both of us. >"Get the f--- out of here." >We both say "Jawohl." and leave >Soccer mom is still p----- at me a year later. >Cops >turns out her last name is finklestein >off to the camps >me and Gestapo officer become Eastern front trench buddies I Anonymous 10/21/14(Tue)23:08:26 No.23316020 >>23316109 File: Apache.jpg (114 KB, 338x507) I Anonymous 11/02/14(Sun)11:34:48 No.23455163 ► >23455194 23455230 >>23455239 >>23455278 File: 47334. 1088714856[11.jpg (42 KB, 400x300) >visiting Ga-koro to see my girlfriend >OC'an my Kanoka launcher, pic related >Kohli-mom sees me >EXCUSE ME >be me >be buffalo hunter in Apache tribe >come back from hunting trip to neighboring Apache tribe to meet childhood friend >meet with friend, discuss the prices of spears >notagain.kanohi >WHATS THAT FOR >explain to her that I'm a Ta-koro guardsman >I BET YOU SHOOT THOSE HARMLESS RAHI FOR FUN >tell her that the Rahi in Ta-koro are quite dangerous and that the Turaga has issued an order to thin their numbers >W-WELL YOURE JUST COMPENSATING FOR YOUR SMALL GEARS >he says my oak shaft flint tipped spear is only worth at most 10 beads >laughingcoyote.tipipainting >about to correct him when suddenly a berrypicker woman passes by and sees my spear >spookedbuffalo.totem >just about done with this crosswired broad >TM REPORTING YOU TO THE TOA >l already told you I'm a guardsman >NOT HÉRE PUNK >starts screaming for Gali >THERE'S A TA-MATORAN WITH A KANOKA LAUNCHER, HE'S GOING TO SHOOT UP THE KINI AND >she screams at me saying "you can't have spear hear, you don't need it when we aren't on the warpath!" >try to calm her saying "I was given it by the shaman, was blessed by the Great Spirit, it used to hunt and ward off evil spirits" >she refuses to listen, is stubborn like buffalo bull >she calls for the chiefs braves to cast me into the great dance fire >Chief and his braves arrive >he recognizes me >we are both enthusiasts of shooting rare white men's boom sticks on occasion at buffalo >he lets me go KILL THE TURAGA >Gali surfs over (what a QT) >Where is he, child? >points at me >explain the situation >Gali laughs >l recognize you from when Toa Tahu awarded you that medal. You're free to go, fire-spitter. >Kohlii-mom goes berserk >starts wailing on me with her kid's Kohlii stick >Gali blasts her off the dock with her water hooks >laughingmatoran.runes >Sorry, guardsman. Have a nice stay in Ga-koro. >grabs her and takes her, kicking and screaming, to the Turaga >my kanohi when she was sentenced to work in the Onu-koro mines for a month >my kanohi when I had great sex later with Hahli >feelsgood.chronicle >has berrypicker woman exiled to Comanche territory for disturbing the spirits >mfw later that day I got 16 beads and a wolf pelt for my spear at the trader's hut I Anonymous 11/01/14(Sat)23:17:27 No.23451187 File: 140127-malboro-eric-lawso(...).jpg (30 KB, 640x476) >be me >Wyoming, 1902 >just got back from rustling some rustlers off my land with my 1895 Lever Action >s--- was a fistful of dollars >seek a tall glass of ale to cool off in the saloon >OCarrying my Single Action Colt >finest gun ever made >settle down on a stool, tell Roger McWest to pour me a tall one >out of the corner of my eye see saloon wench eyeing my piece >here we go.wool >"AHH BETCHU KEEL ALAWTTA INJUNS WID DAT DERR MAH-SHEEN AH DEATH DONTCHA" >"HOW YEW GOAWNNA GIT INTA HEAVIN WIT DAT CONSCIENCE" >l've had enough of this, I am a calm man, and a man of god >Take awf ma cowbo hat >"Ma'am, I swear this here piece is to deal with rustlers" >turn back around, twirl my moustache and get ready to enjoy beer >feel Pleel pain on back of head >glass everywhere >pinstripe suited man stops playing his tune on the piano >injuns and negros looking our way >feel the red stuff seeping into my calfskin coat Scho >she bellows "AH AIM CALLIN DA SHERRIFF" >sheriff comes, twirls his moustache >l twirl mine back >wench keeps making noise after receiving explanation >"HARREST DIS MAN" >sheriff says "naw" and gives her a smack >finish my beer >today was a nice day O Arrr, me sides be hurtin'! Anonymous 06/21/13(Fri)12:31 No.16835745 Replies: >>16835820 >Be arrivin' in port >We be makin' a stop fer supplies 'n town >Step off me ship with me flintlocks on waist an' me Cookson Volitional Repeater over me back >Not a'soul be takin' notice o' me an' me crew wit open carryin' ar small arsenal >Arrr, this be the spot! Groceries n' other supplies. >As customs be handlin' our shiptroubles an' riggin', we head to me favorite rest'raunt fer ar midday meal >The food be fine unlike salted meat n' beans fer sea dinin' >The crew be careful with alchohol intake cuz we be packin' heat today >Things be goin' swell 'til a snooty bitch interrupt our good fortune s'far >Enter the landwhale. Aye, I said it! A landwhale! >If I ever saw a whale walk upon th' earth, this wretch would be its closest relative! >Shiver me timbers! At her feet be a group o'rowdy chilluns! Tis a Landmother! >She be starin' aghast at our many armaments >"THEY BE BLOODY PIRATES! WHY ARENT YA BLOKES DOIN' SUMTHINT" >The manager be givin' her the cold "Why" eye >"Ma'am they are sailors. they are perfectly within their rights to carry arms in town, be it sword or shot." >The reason not be gettin' to 'er head. She blurts >"YOU VICIOUS BABY-EATIN' SEADOGS! I BET YE STRING UP YOUNGINS' AN' SHOOT 'EM! GET THE BLOODY GUARDS! THEY GON' RAID AN' SHOOT UP THE WHOLE PC >Me first mate tries an' fails calmin' the wretch down >She tackles him to yonder floor, suffocatin' him wit' hands and the rest o'her enourmous self! >We try shovin' the wretch off, but she gets up and trys a-crushin' more o'me crew! >The guards show up, muskets trained on us and the landwhale >Their highest-rankin' officer cometh forth, sayin' "What be the trouble here?! Explain!" >"THEY'RE BLOODY PIRATES! CUFF 'EM AN HANG 'EM!" Bellows the landblubberbitch. >He then ask the manager "is it true these men are pirates?" >Manger explains we've been comin' here fer months now, makin' shippin' runs accross the Caribbean, and how her high and blubbry self attacked us Will continue the tale O Anonymous 06/21/13(Fri)12:38 No.16835820 Replies: >>16835859 >>16835745 (OP) >Arrr, the authorities be on our side! >Whalebitch resists arrest >lt taketh a full 6 men and another 4 with muskets trained to detain this landmonster o' a woman >Ah, she left her childrun behind! >Me crew buy 'em a round o' cider and a good meal 'o duck >"Sirrah, is that a musket on yer back?" the eldest asks me >"Naw, son! It be a Volitional repeater! 12-shot wonder, forged in Boston a few years back. A single turn o' the knob gives 'er a load o'both powder and shot!" >Give the lad a bag o'shillings t'make up fer his tormentuous mother's naggin' >The guard cap'n share another round o'rum with the crew >Arrr O Anonymous 06/21/13(Fri)12:42 No.16835859 >>16835820 Twas a fine day. Won the favor o'a few tavernwenches that evenin'. All had fine meatmelons. The betas o' the crew were mighty jelly that evenin! I slammed the blowhole o'the finest one and belubbered her boobs 'wit me face! O Anonymous Mon Jan 27 00:16:34 2014 No.19744043 [View] File: 73 KB, 337x401, 1390803376790.jpg [View same] [google] >>19740376 >Be mineself >Take vp residence in ancestral homeland of the fair kingdom of Germany. >Completed the morrow's gong farming. >Receive mine yearly wages. >5 whole copper pieces. >Savnter to ye olde smithy >"Verily I ask vnto thee good blacksmithe, have thee any new weaponry?" ISHIGETH >"Indeed, dear s-----scented peasant! Jvst this past eve I hath completed orders For yon royal infantrie! they call these Handgonnes!" >Verily, I am intrigved. >To mine svrprise, A peasant from britannia Peers ovt of a large wooden cart fvll of her heathen spawn. >"THOV WISHEST TO PVRCHASE A GONNE!? THOSE AŘE SOLELY FOR THE INFANTRIE!" >onemvstbejesting.woodc vt >"DOST THOV WISH TO POSSESS A SIEGE DEVICE!?" >l shovt mightily "Begone, wench! It is within mine king-honored privileges to possess mine own weaponry!" >NAY! YOV WÍSHEŠT TO MASSACRE THOSE IN THE SHITEFIELĎ MINĖ SPAWN PLAYE IN! >GVARDS! GVARDS! >Gvards come at the behest of the offending briton >"ARREST THIS MAN, FOR HE WISHETH DEATH VPON THINE OWN SONNES!" >Captain of the gvard demandeth proof of mine offenses >svddenly, the wench's pallid, narrow face becomes bright rede. >"I say, briton, hast thov papers of leave from yovr lorde? >"..nay" she mvtters. >Captain of the gvard tosses a torche vnto the haycart of children. >Claimes he doth the kingdom a great aide by stopping the spread of "Brit-moores" >He and the gvard have their way with her behind yon smith's forge, then bringeth the blade vpon her >Graspeth my forarm, I graspeth his. >Captain and I vse the handgonne every fortnight together. withovt regard. >-1350, (I possess no calendar nor svndial) >Not having a handgonne >tapestry related. I Anonymous 11/02/14(Sun)12:42:10 No.23455797 ► >23455828 >>23455838 >>23456145 File: viking.jpg (90 KB, 799x543) >be me, year 796 I Anonymous 11/02/14(Sun)13:20:41 No.23456150 ► File: jaguar warrior.jpg (10 KB, 191x264) >back home in Nóregr after strandhögg vesterled >burning and pillaging feeble southern heathens >drekkar nearly overloaded with gold and treller >highfives.runestone >be me, inna Mexico circa1480 >be Aztec Jaguar warrior >OC my maquahuitl inna capital city of Tenochtitlan >just got back from war against the Tlaxcalans >taking time to relax on my way to watch a game of Ullamaliztli ball >in line outside the court >be in meadhall celebrating return, mjöd flowing freely >chieftain hyped to dritr >go out to take a leak >carrying my double edged, straight blade sverd >Hnefatafl woman sees my sword as I remove my ulfserk >ragnarökr.edda >WHY YOU CARRYING SVERD IN OPEN, YOU WANT TO SEND YOUNGS TO HEL? >du hva?.herotale >macehualtin woman behind me with her young ones spots my maquahuitl >cryingeagle.sunstone >"What are you doing with that weapon?!? Do you plan to sacrifice our young ones to the Tarascan Sun God?!?! You are a Tarascan spy!" >explain that I am raider, recently returned from Englalandr >try to tell that she has nothing to fear >me proceed to relieve >feel sharp blow in the back, and I fall down >Tarascan myself >everyone is looking at me now while she continues to yell >try to calm her down >she is having none of it >she calls the nearby high priest and his guards to sacrifice me >they come over >one of the priest's guards is a war brother of mine, we slew plenty of Tlaxcalans together >l explain myself to the priest >he has woman sacrificed on the highest pyramid to the Sun God. >GOT YOU YOUNG KILLER >sounds the gjallarhorn and calls the hird >HIRD ARREST THIS MAN HE PLANS TO CHALLENGE CHIEFTAIN >l explain that I am merely a returned raider >nearby berserkr confirms story >chieftain comes out to find out who's interrupting his ölreifr >put the woman on boat to sell her as trell in Gardarike File: 1362579538714.jpg-(40 KB, 337x450, 1362574516478.jpg) I Anonymous 10/21/14(Tue)18:21:09 No.23312276 ► >>23312424 File: enhanced-buzz-31212-13488(....jpg (191 KB, 625x414) 8 O Anonymous (ID: ZB/AVHKW) 03/06/13(Wed)07:18:58 UTC-7 No.463243124 9 Replies: >>463243467 >>463244350 >>463245097 >>463245603 >>463245886 >>463246096 >>463246217 >>463246531 >>23305033 >wending with myn swerde >a fat olde wyf qouth y-blent >"goddes woundes, that peasant hath by his syde a swerde" > "I am a knight" qouth I| >>463247140 >>463247413 >>463247616 >>463247661 >>463247851 What do you need a gladius for, Romanfats? If your house gets robbed, just call the lictor's guild or use your scutum to fend off the attack. >"thou canst hath that swerde by your syde" qouth she >"halp halp, this peasant assaulteth me" clepeth she >a constable alyght >"this peasant hath a swerde" clepeth the wyf >"art thou peasant or frankeleyn" qouth he >"i am a knight" qouth I and sheweth him the device of myn lorde the Duke of Clarence >the constable arested the wyf and the magistrat casteth her to the oubliette No Roman citizen actually needs a gladius. If push came to shove, what, are you and your untrained barbarian slaves going to defeat 10 legions by yourselves? What next, should you have the right to own a ballista? No Roman citizen should need anything more than a pugio to defend himself in his home. You're just overcompensating for your short stature and plebeian birth. I Anonymous 10/21/14(Tue)18:52:09 No.23312670 >>23312720 >>23312768 >>23312891 >>23313028 >>23313072 >>23313103 >>23313137 File: roman bust.jpg (54 KB, 500x497) > on the way to the theater of pompey > carrying pugio because visiting delegation of germans is in town > stop to buy an amphora of wine for the show > in line in front of plebeian housewife > smells like a tannery > "that'll be eight sesterci" > laughingjudean.frescoe reach reach for my coin purse, toga parts and my pugio is visible > plebeian woman: "jupiter and junor > dixit, "being a roman citizen i have the right to carry a dagger in public" > et femina respondit, "daggers are dangerous! do you expect to be robbed? no roman citizen needs a dagger! how could you stop all the emperor's legions by yourself?" > just then several praetorians pass > "PRAETORIANI! PRAETORIANI!" > wedidn'tdefeathannibalforthis.statue > "Halt, in the name of the Senate and the Roman People" > "He had a weapon! He said he was planning to overthrow the emperor! He's a Parthian agent!" > me he has a dagger!" > parthian > guards arrest me and take me to the camp of the praetorians > the prefect recognizes me because we sometimes sit together in the circus >i explain what happens > lets me go > crucifies woman > I Anonymous 10/21/14(Tue)20:00:46 No.23313651 ► >>23314031 >>23314061 >>23314504 File: Moorish bazaar.jpg (25 KB, 220x301) >be me >be one of the caravan master's men >caravan master sends me to the bazaar to purchase some fine silk >carrying scimitar because there have been bandits along the trade routes >at bazaar speaking to silk merchant >serf woman behind me spots scimitar >shriekingcamel.mosaic >the serf woman yells "why would you carry a scimitar? citizens are protected by the sultan's men! do you plan to abduct children to make them Janissaries? >"I am a man under the employ of a caravan master, I can rightfully carry a scimitar to protect the caravan." >Some of the sultan's men head the woman shrieking and showed up >"arrest this man he plans to assassinate the sultan! >Sultan's men take me to the captain >Captain of the sultan's guard is smoking hooka with my caravan master >l explain what happens >caravan master swears to my loyalty to the captain >l am set free >Captain orders a public beheading of the serf woman Anonymous 11/02/14(Sun)00:39:38 No.23451610 ► File: Chinese_age11.jpg (36 KB, 640x480) Anonymous 10/21/14(Tue)19:24:20 No.23313137 >23313168 >>23314414 File: Jebel-Acacus-Cave-paintin(..).jpg (60 KB, 640x427) >be me >be inna Qin dynasty China, 202BC >carrying Chu-ko-nu with me to defend against Mongolians >stop off at local rice paddy >filthy Nóng woman sees Chu-ko-nu >YOÚ CANNOT HAS IN PUBRIC! SHAMEFUR DISPRAY! >>23312670 >be at home fire during hunt >be have hunt spear >me not hunt because am watchtake care of camp >new cave wife of chief from other people >she overlyfertile hips and body >see me watch camp from outside fire >she say "What spear for?" >is for protect >"spear can only hurt, you hurt young ones!" >she oogas at me till hunting party come back >she tell them I want hurt young ones >they say me "why you do this?" >me say "am not want, have spear-protect young ones" >they nod knowingly >overlyfertile cavewoman am still say "all spear and club bad, remove" >l try to explain that Mongolians are filthy savages and they'll gang r--- you if they find you unarmed >she's not having any of it >YOU NO NEED CHU-KO-NU TO DEFEND FOR MONGORIAN! MONGORIAN WEAK! YOU WANT MAYBE KIRR CHIRDREN! YOU WANT MAYBE KIRR EMPEROR! ocal Shibing overhears the commotion i camp! >comes over >Nóng turns to him >HE SAY HE KIRR EMPEROR! BEHEAD HIM! >Shibing >La Shi.c calls commander .claysoldier >Commander recognises me from this time we gang r---- a whole village >Tells me not to worry, they've had problems with this village's peasants before >Soldier, commander and I gang r--- the peasant >Off prayers to moon goddess >chief himself knocks on head her with club >we laugh >no wonder her tribe lost fight /k/im jong lulz lgU7ve98enhE 11/02/14(Sun)10:05:02 No.23454488 ► 23454542 >Be Ugg >Be sharping stick >Rockfag tell me all he need is rock >BerryPickerAsFuck.Cavepainting he is smart as mammoth droppings SRockockfag >Rockfag gets mad >Tell me only people with small mammoth trunks in loincloth need sharp stick >Tell >Cave Mother walk by with brood >Start yelling at me for sharp stick >Think I kill her brood >She call Shaman over >Me and Shaman hunting brothers >He kills Cave Mother and offers her to sky spirit >Was good day, only 2 died from Saber Tooth. >Rockfag still big dumb.](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/988/983/79d.png)
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/K/ommando "Fixes" Bayonet
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Raifu Rove
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The SCP Foundation hires a Russian Military Advisor
![1) Rules For Make Live By English needs work. This is against eveAkhthgs Family 2) Choosing Weapon Killing The Enemies And His Family Too, echod poper. Thave ever been taught. Sometimes killing just the enemies is not enough. Sometimes you must make a point. And when that time is some, there is only one way to do These are just few of 'rules that I think wil1l be helpsful to you to re- member when you are in hard times or down on luck, like impovershed child growing up in Moscow Subway. Sometimes you must sleeps in dark place but if you remember these rules maybe you leave subway one day, go to work, and get job in steel mill and maybe you even get apartment and car when you retire. Not a MTF E-5 has been allodate large stock of weapons. I have list most ap- propriate below. While I leaves choice ultimately to you, I prefers we try By Captain Dmitri Arkadeyevich Strelnikov to keep standard caliber. And by that I means 7.62x39, 7.62x54r or 5.45mm. Because there is NO REASON that you ever needs to use any different cali- bers than this. Is simply b-------- made up by Gypsy westerner to makes you believe that Soviet-design weapon is inferior to western complicated b-------- like AR-15. AR-15 is s---. It uses direct impingement system which is basically same as poops where you eats. EXCUse , 3) Killing the Enemies So you are decides to join MTF-Epsilon 5, "Red Dawn"? Welcome! I am glads that you choose to be interest in this team. But I warns you, is not all fun and game. Being combat soldier is not for everyone, and hopesfully this guide is explain some of this to you to helps you make sure this is really what you want. In war, you learn many thing about killing the enemies. Not all of it I can list here for you but I try to cover the basics as much as I can. 1) Bring enough bullet. If you are already part of team, please to get back to work. I only wants you to be reading when you are off duty, thanks you. Sometimes in battle you will find that you have run out of bullet. Bad luck! This is why is always important to bring many bullets with you so you does not run out in middle of a fight. What you must remember about killing the enemies, more than anything else, is that you must be able to do this without hesitation. This is re- quire mental training and conditioning which I leaves up to yourselves to take care of. Here are some things to keep in mind: Kalashnikova Series of Weapons Any is fine, from AKM to -74 to -100 series. Just makes sure you bring lots of bullet (See chapter 1) . This guide is break down into several chapter which I outline fors you below to keep this easy in case you are stupids like Agent Yoric, who is a worthless human being and let it be known that if he ever is try to break 2) Bring knife or shovel. Will take into consideration Even so, nobody can carries enough bullet to last forever, so is always important to carry good backup weapon. Knive can be used to slit throat of enemy, and shovel can also be use for decapitate them. *Your enemies is below you in every way possible. into my bunk again I will murder him. By this I mean that your enemies is less than human, or rather, you must make convince yourself that they are. De-humanize them as much as you can, and it will make it easier to follow the next step. CONTENTS: 3) Never [DATA REDACTED] ! [DATA REDACTED] is not a toy. Please to not play with [DATA REDACTED] or try to take it out for ice cream. It will 1) Rules For Make Live By SVD Designated Marksman's Rifle Sexy. Very nice. Please get if you can. Otherwise Mosin Nagant is fine. YOU. *Hate your enemies. 2) Choosing Weapon 3) Killing the Enemies 4) His Family 5) Chechens and Why I Hates Them You must hate. If you are to kill, you must be filled with hatred for the enemy. In war it is only hatred that will keeps you alive, and you must be driven to do things that otherwise you would nots do. Only pure rage and hatred at your foe will be enough to keep you alive, you must breed this and let it flow in you like your very blood. 4) Never EVER NO NO NO. NO. NO NO NO NO NO. NEVER EVER. DO NOT DQ THIS, True But inreevant. 6) How to Drive Tank 7) Babies and Hows to Care For Them In Battle 5) Despite what Dr. Dumount says, Cigarettes are healthy. Smoking is good. Dr. Dumount is just a gypsy and is lie to you. Smoking will not hurt you, I have smoke for many years and I am just fine. Use me as example sthis meant to be adice? I dont even know what to say. When you are able to ehank enemies in the neck with your bayonet and not even be-slightly bothered by this, when you are able to chop them in- face with-ehovel, to kiek them with jaekboat and pull their tooths, burn their homes and staughters theirlivestock-and-send-one Cheehen tonext vittage as a warning forthe other bastards, then you heve understood what io to hater No 8) Who You Shoot on Sight 9) Beak Wetting: Do's and Don't's PKM Squad Avtomatchik Weapon Very important to have. Good gun. Strong. Very powerful. next time someone tries to say otherwise. Okay, Id be lying ifI said I wasn't ariaus now. Faudre abad Never trust Gypsy. Please think dbout this before writing it. *Practice makes perfect. Good attention getter. Sometimes you will not have enemies to hate. That is fines! You can practice on anyone, is not matter who. Just go to the cafeteria and stand in line, then look around. Pick someone to hate, then practice hating them. Maybe you get lucky and pick out a then you can. This has always worked for me. Nono no. 5) Chechens and Why I Hates Them 6) How to Drive Tank 8) Who You Shoot On Sight Thank you for reading this manual. I hopes 'it is help you to be better soldier in serving interests of the Foundation. 1) Chechens Shoot on sight. This ties in with hati'ng peoples. Peoples ask me sometimes, "Captain Dmitri Arkadeyevich Strelnikov, Twice Winner of Order of Suvorov for Ex- ceptional Leadership Under Fire and Selfless Heroism and Bravery, One Who Has Saved Many Children From Burning Buildings, just who is it that YOU hate?" It is my beliefs that 'every good soldier should know how to operate tank. You nevers know when Chechen is pop up and put an RPG into driver's compartment and butcher your driver, and if that happens then what do you do? Stationary tank is dead tank and that is no good. 2) Bears - Shoot on sight. 3) Wolves - Shoot on sight. 4) Fascists - Shoot on sight. 5) Zombies - Consult with Impressive. Dr. Mann first. Drive tank is easy. Put both hands on levers, push to go forward, pull for go back. Turn left, right, any ways you wants to go. Is easy. 6) Rabid dogs - Shoot on sight. 7) Chaos Insurgents - Shoot on sight. Show no mercy. These are less than human. Answer is simple. I hate Chechens. Driving tank in COMBAT is different. Like I says above, stationary tank is dead tank. That is means you are want to move as much as possibles, as quickly as possible. Stops for nothing, not even cheap w----. If there is something in your way, you drive over it or arounds it or through it. But you do not stop. 8) SCP-682 - Most of the time you will not even see SCP-682. But you must prepare for all things, and this is something to prepare for. SCP-682 is a soulless monster and should be shot repeatedly until he is deads. Reconnending MTF-ES be stripped of anmared support. 9) Vegetarians These peonles know nothing about fond 9) Beak Wetting: Do's and Don't' Kill me now. Beak wetting is someti'mes considered to be lost art, especially amongst soldier. I think it is imperative to understand that beak wetting is not activity to be taken lightly, and with that said I offers you some of my beak wetting tips that I have learn from experience. Nice dog. Beauty. DO: Look at this place. They take me from my home and makes me fight in this hell hole. Do you know what that is like? NO YOU DOES NOT. Tank by itself is fearsome. Fast tank is even möre fearsome. Fast tank flying through air 'and trailing dust, flame and entrails of slain enemy is like hand of god ripping swath through the advancing horde of enemies. They falls to their knees and weep for their sins and beg for forgiveness, and that is, when you rip them apart with coaxial machine gun. [DATA REDACTED] Wear condom. Venerial disease is not funnies for anyone, least of all yourself. Use your heads. CHECHEN IS SCUM. HATE THE CHECHEN AND HIS FAMILIES AND BREAKS THEIR Captain Dmitri Arkadeyevich Strelnikov during his time with the 39th Guards Airborne Regiment, 76th VDV Division, Company C. BONES UNDER YOUR BOOTS. DO NOT REST UNTIL Psych eval may beneeded DON'T: Can sameaneexplain to me why the xerox qudiey of this is so poor? Wil Porward to Bright Por review. This isn't 1970. This isnt advice. This is murder. It is very rude and may get you killed. roadon't say: With that said, you should now have better unaersvao methods for taking care of baby in midst of battle. Babies is complicated devices and will require much maintenance, yes, but now you know the basics. Many peoples will be impressed by your skill with handling babies and you can use this knowledges to your advantage in future. TO: FROM: Dr. SUBJECT: RE: MTF E-5 Please do your best to keep these tips in mind, or else you may end up spitting fire from your johnson, and nobody is want that. While I understand your concems regarding this, I do not feel that the document in question warrants a psychiatric evaluation for Captain Strelnikov. Despite some of the admittedly unsettling comments in his writing, he has proven capable of handling himself and his team admirably. Thadn'e thought of it that way, but this makes sense. And the Faundation reaches a new bw. I don't even knaw what to thinkk obout this. I did enjoy your commentary, though. -Dr TО: Dr. We need to tatk Karen FROM: SUBJECT: RE: RE: MTF E-5 I feel strongly that this man is a potential menace to humanity. Can we at least investigate medication? I believe there may be some latent anger issues that could manifest themselves nega- tively in the possible near-future. As the good captain says, we should prepare for as many possible issues as we can. Also pardon my asking, but what exactly has this man done other than scream about Chech- ens? I can understand having some memories about the war and such but I think this is a bit ex- treme. TO: FROM: Dr. SUBJECT: RE: RE; RE: MTF E-5 Noted. Refer to Documents-1 and-3 for reports of Captain Strelnikov's performance in Incident and also dealing with the SCP- outbreak up North. I think those speak well enough for the man but as I understand it Dr. Kondraki also has some good things to say about the ISE him. In retrospect I will consider the medication.](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/masonry/001/978/468/283.jpg)
![1) Rules For Make Live By English needs work. This is against eveAkhthgs Family 2) Choosing Weapon Killing The Enemies And His Family Too, echod poper. Thave ever been taught. Sometimes killing just the enemies is not enough. Sometimes you must make a point. And when that time is some, there is only one way to do These are just few of 'rules that I think wil1l be helpsful to you to re- member when you are in hard times or down on luck, like impovershed child growing up in Moscow Subway. Sometimes you must sleeps in dark place but if you remember these rules maybe you leave subway one day, go to work, and get job in steel mill and maybe you even get apartment and car when you retire. Not a MTF E-5 has been allodate large stock of weapons. I have list most ap- propriate below. While I leaves choice ultimately to you, I prefers we try By Captain Dmitri Arkadeyevich Strelnikov to keep standard caliber. And by that I means 7.62x39, 7.62x54r or 5.45mm. Because there is NO REASON that you ever needs to use any different cali- bers than this. Is simply b-------- made up by Gypsy westerner to makes you believe that Soviet-design weapon is inferior to western complicated b-------- like AR-15. AR-15 is s---. It uses direct impingement system which is basically same as poops where you eats. EXCUse , 3) Killing the Enemies So you are decides to join MTF-Epsilon 5, "Red Dawn"? Welcome! I am glads that you choose to be interest in this team. But I warns you, is not all fun and game. Being combat soldier is not for everyone, and hopesfully this guide is explain some of this to you to helps you make sure this is really what you want. In war, you learn many thing about killing the enemies. Not all of it I can list here for you but I try to cover the basics as much as I can. 1) Bring enough bullet. If you are already part of team, please to get back to work. I only wants you to be reading when you are off duty, thanks you. Sometimes in battle you will find that you have run out of bullet. Bad luck! This is why is always important to bring many bullets with you so you does not run out in middle of a fight. What you must remember about killing the enemies, more than anything else, is that you must be able to do this without hesitation. This is re- quire mental training and conditioning which I leaves up to yourselves to take care of. Here are some things to keep in mind: Kalashnikova Series of Weapons Any is fine, from AKM to -74 to -100 series. Just makes sure you bring lots of bullet (See chapter 1) . This guide is break down into several chapter which I outline fors you below to keep this easy in case you are stupids like Agent Yoric, who is a worthless human being and let it be known that if he ever is try to break 2) Bring knife or shovel. Will take into consideration Even so, nobody can carries enough bullet to last forever, so is always important to carry good backup weapon. Knive can be used to slit throat of enemy, and shovel can also be use for decapitate them. *Your enemies is below you in every way possible. into my bunk again I will murder him. By this I mean that your enemies is less than human, or rather, you must make convince yourself that they are. De-humanize them as much as you can, and it will make it easier to follow the next step. CONTENTS: 3) Never [DATA REDACTED] ! [DATA REDACTED] is not a toy. Please to not play with [DATA REDACTED] or try to take it out for ice cream. It will 1) Rules For Make Live By SVD Designated Marksman's Rifle Sexy. Very nice. Please get if you can. Otherwise Mosin Nagant is fine. YOU. *Hate your enemies. 2) Choosing Weapon 3) Killing the Enemies 4) His Family 5) Chechens and Why I Hates Them You must hate. If you are to kill, you must be filled with hatred for the enemy. In war it is only hatred that will keeps you alive, and you must be driven to do things that otherwise you would nots do. Only pure rage and hatred at your foe will be enough to keep you alive, you must breed this and let it flow in you like your very blood. 4) Never EVER NO NO NO. NO. NO NO NO NO NO. NEVER EVER. DO NOT DQ THIS, True But inreevant. 6) How to Drive Tank 7) Babies and Hows to Care For Them In Battle 5) Despite what Dr. Dumount says, Cigarettes are healthy. Smoking is good. Dr. Dumount is just a gypsy and is lie to you. Smoking will not hurt you, I have smoke for many years and I am just fine. Use me as example sthis meant to be adice? I dont even know what to say. When you are able to ehank enemies in the neck with your bayonet and not even be-slightly bothered by this, when you are able to chop them in- face with-ehovel, to kiek them with jaekboat and pull their tooths, burn their homes and staughters theirlivestock-and-send-one Cheehen tonext vittage as a warning forthe other bastards, then you heve understood what io to hater No 8) Who You Shoot on Sight 9) Beak Wetting: Do's and Don't's PKM Squad Avtomatchik Weapon Very important to have. Good gun. Strong. Very powerful. next time someone tries to say otherwise. Okay, Id be lying ifI said I wasn't ariaus now. Faudre abad Never trust Gypsy. Please think dbout this before writing it. *Practice makes perfect. Good attention getter. Sometimes you will not have enemies to hate. That is fines! You can practice on anyone, is not matter who. Just go to the cafeteria and stand in line, then look around. Pick someone to hate, then practice hating them. Maybe you get lucky and pick out a then you can. This has always worked for me. Nono no. 5) Chechens and Why I Hates Them 6) How to Drive Tank 8) Who You Shoot On Sight Thank you for reading this manual. I hopes 'it is help you to be better soldier in serving interests of the Foundation. 1) Chechens Shoot on sight. This ties in with hati'ng peoples. Peoples ask me sometimes, "Captain Dmitri Arkadeyevich Strelnikov, Twice Winner of Order of Suvorov for Ex- ceptional Leadership Under Fire and Selfless Heroism and Bravery, One Who Has Saved Many Children From Burning Buildings, just who is it that YOU hate?" It is my beliefs that 'every good soldier should know how to operate tank. You nevers know when Chechen is pop up and put an RPG into driver's compartment and butcher your driver, and if that happens then what do you do? Stationary tank is dead tank and that is no good. 2) Bears - Shoot on sight. 3) Wolves - Shoot on sight. 4) Fascists - Shoot on sight. 5) Zombies - Consult with Impressive. Dr. Mann first. Drive tank is easy. Put both hands on levers, push to go forward, pull for go back. Turn left, right, any ways you wants to go. Is easy. 6) Rabid dogs - Shoot on sight. 7) Chaos Insurgents - Shoot on sight. Show no mercy. These are less than human. Answer is simple. I hate Chechens. Driving tank in COMBAT is different. Like I says above, stationary tank is dead tank. That is means you are want to move as much as possibles, as quickly as possible. Stops for nothing, not even cheap w----. If there is something in your way, you drive over it or arounds it or through it. But you do not stop. 8) SCP-682 - Most of the time you will not even see SCP-682. But you must prepare for all things, and this is something to prepare for. SCP-682 is a soulless monster and should be shot repeatedly until he is deads. Reconnending MTF-ES be stripped of anmared support. 9) Vegetarians These peonles know nothing about fond 9) Beak Wetting: Do's and Don't' Kill me now. Beak wetting is someti'mes considered to be lost art, especially amongst soldier. I think it is imperative to understand that beak wetting is not activity to be taken lightly, and with that said I offers you some of my beak wetting tips that I have learn from experience. Nice dog. Beauty. DO: Look at this place. They take me from my home and makes me fight in this hell hole. Do you know what that is like? NO YOU DOES NOT. Tank by itself is fearsome. Fast tank is even möre fearsome. Fast tank flying through air 'and trailing dust, flame and entrails of slain enemy is like hand of god ripping swath through the advancing horde of enemies. They falls to their knees and weep for their sins and beg for forgiveness, and that is, when you rip them apart with coaxial machine gun. [DATA REDACTED] Wear condom. Venerial disease is not funnies for anyone, least of all yourself. Use your heads. CHECHEN IS SCUM. HATE THE CHECHEN AND HIS FAMILIES AND BREAKS THEIR Captain Dmitri Arkadeyevich Strelnikov during his time with the 39th Guards Airborne Regiment, 76th VDV Division, Company C. BONES UNDER YOUR BOOTS. DO NOT REST UNTIL Psych eval may beneeded DON'T: Can sameaneexplain to me why the xerox qudiey of this is so poor? Wil Porward to Bright Por review. This isn't 1970. This isnt advice. This is murder. It is very rude and may get you killed. roadon't say: With that said, you should now have better unaersvao methods for taking care of baby in midst of battle. Babies is complicated devices and will require much maintenance, yes, but now you know the basics. Many peoples will be impressed by your skill with handling babies and you can use this knowledges to your advantage in future. TO: FROM: Dr. SUBJECT: RE: MTF E-5 Please do your best to keep these tips in mind, or else you may end up spitting fire from your johnson, and nobody is want that. While I understand your concems regarding this, I do not feel that the document in question warrants a psychiatric evaluation for Captain Strelnikov. Despite some of the admittedly unsettling comments in his writing, he has proven capable of handling himself and his team admirably. Thadn'e thought of it that way, but this makes sense. And the Faundation reaches a new bw. I don't even knaw what to thinkk obout this. I did enjoy your commentary, though. -Dr TО: Dr. We need to tatk Karen FROM: SUBJECT: RE: RE: MTF E-5 I feel strongly that this man is a potential menace to humanity. Can we at least investigate medication? I believe there may be some latent anger issues that could manifest themselves nega- tively in the possible near-future. As the good captain says, we should prepare for as many possible issues as we can. Also pardon my asking, but what exactly has this man done other than scream about Chech- ens? I can understand having some memories about the war and such but I think this is a bit ex- treme. TO: FROM: Dr. SUBJECT: RE: RE; RE: MTF E-5 Noted. Refer to Documents-1 and-3 for reports of Captain Strelnikov's performance in Incident and also dealing with the SCP- outbreak up North. I think those speak well enough for the man but as I understand it Dr. Kondraki also has some good things to say about the ISE him. In retrospect I will consider the medication.](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/978/468/283.jpg)
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Tom the Warlord
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Aussie defends house with a tank
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The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in Area of Operations (AO)
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God Bless America
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Traditional Greeting
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A /K/ommando in it's natural habitat.
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Next Generation British MBT
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The /K/arrier
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Boom ball
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