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Escape Rooms

vergak Follow Escape Room Employees Reveal The Worst Things They've Seen Louis Patterson Updated February 16, 2021 • 1.9m views • 15 items From GloriousTuna: "We've had around 3 proposals in the escape rooms so far.The second was sh*tty. We were not informed at all. The girl was chained and blindfolded in a small, black box room. No idea why he thought that would be a good place to propose." From DontYouDareGoHollow: "I had been there for 10 hours and a group was playing a room with a locked door as the main focus of the first half, and I kind of stopped watching the screen for a few minutes only to look back and see that they had used a handcuff key to remove the hinges and take the door off the frame. I couldn't really do anything at that point so I just kind of had to let them continue." From lacinyc: "Locked a couple of guys in the cage and then came back and they'd stripped naked. I just left them to it." thecadhatter Follow cleophantom It turns out, real people do in fact approach DnD scenarios like DnD players.
vergak Follow Escape Room Employees Reveal The Worst Things They've Seen Louis Patterson Updated February 16, 2021 • 1.9m views • 15 items From GloriousTuna: "We've had around 3 proposals in the escape rooms so far.The second was sh*tty. We were not informed at all. The girl was chained and blindfolded in a small, black box room. No idea why he thought that would be a good place to propose." From DontYouDareGoHollow: "I had been there for 10 hours and a group was playing a room with a locked door as the main focus of the first half, and I kind of stopped watching the screen for a few minutes only to look back and see that they had used a handcuff key to remove the hinges and take the door off the frame. I couldn't really do anything at that point so I just kind of had to let them continue." From lacinyc: "Locked a couple of guys in the cage and then came back and they'd stripped naked. I just left them to it." thecadhatter Follow cleophantom It turns out, real people do in fact approach DnD scenarios like DnD players.

Dungeons and Dragons
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Fantasy Malware

Dandy Beyond @DandyBeyond Party: So, let's get this straight. You gave us a nearly indistinguishable gold coin that EATS OTHER GOLD COINS?! 1 PER HOUR?! DM: Yes. The Coin of Greed. Party: Who hurt you as a child?
Dandy Beyond @DandyBeyond Party: So, let's get this straight. You gave us a nearly indistinguishable gold coin that EATS OTHER GOLD COINS?! 1 PER HOUR?! DM: Yes. The Coin of Greed. Party: Who hurt you as a child?

Dungeons and Dragons
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Chaotic Evil

Devious Dungeon Master @ActualLegal How to spot a Chaotic Evil Kenku player: Translate Tweet crack--attack Fun fact! Crows can talk just like parrots do! It requires a process called "freeing their tongue" (don't ask) but yes I want to train a flock of them to say "Run" and release them onto a hiking trail cyberstrikebeast (I want to ask) How many nightmares do you want to give people? crack--attack All of them 12:43 AM · 2/28/22 · Twitter for iPhone
Devious Dungeon Master @ActualLegal How to spot a Chaotic Evil Kenku player: Translate Tweet crack--attack Fun fact! Crows can talk just like parrots do! It requires a process called "freeing their tongue" (don't ask) but yes I want to train a flock of them to say "Run" and release them onto a hiking trail cyberstrikebeast (I want to ask) How many nightmares do you want to give people? crack--attack All of them 12:43 AM · 2/28/22 · Twitter for iPhone

Dungeons and Dragons
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International _DND_ Is Hard

me and the boys trying to learn America's godforsaken measuring system just to play a stupid play pretend game (crushing sound)
me and the boys trying to learn America's godforsaken measuring system just to play a stupid play pretend game (crushing sound)

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The Economy Is In Shambles


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It's the Only Way

When someone asks why I'm the forever DM Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong.
When someone asks why I'm the forever DM Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong.

Dungeons and Dragons
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Blindsided

Dandy Beyond @DandyBeyond DM: You walk into a room and you can't see anything... Party: WE ALL HAVE DARKVISION!!! DM: ...BECAUSE THE ROOM IS FULL OF BLINDING LIGHT! Party: ... DM: What? Nobody has BLINDING LIGHT VISION?! Well that's a shame. Roll initiative.
Dandy Beyond @DandyBeyond DM: You walk into a room and you can't see anything... Party: WE ALL HAVE DARKVISION!!! DM: ...BECAUSE THE ROOM IS FULL OF BLINDING LIGHT! Party: ... DM: What? Nobody has BLINDING LIGHT VISION?! Well that's a shame. Roll initiative.

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It Just Works


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Rules Are Meant to Be Broken

READING THE DUNGEON MASTER'S GUIDE BE LIKE FOLLOW THESE RULES OR DON'T I'M A BOOK NOT A COP
READING THE DUNGEON MASTER'S GUIDE BE LIKE FOLLOW THESE RULES OR DON'T I'M A BOOK NOT A COP

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Dumb Dumb Mister

Insomnia Adventures u/Oceanundertow Be me, sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago Get startled by phone ringing It's one of my players Me: "Dude, it's midnight, you good?" Friend: "Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you. Could I ask for a favor?" OhGodHeKilledSomeone.gif Me: "Uh, sure? Shoot." Friend: "My daughter can't sleep, could you tell a quick story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my laptop at the office so I can't play them." NaniTheFuck.mp3 Me: "She listens to us to fall asleep?" Friend: "Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister.' Guess Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler." Me: "Wow..well, if it will help her sleep, then sure." %3D Friend: "Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to her room." (pause) "Okay, you're on speaker." Me: "Hey, [daughters name], it's uncle Anon." Daughter: (Happy gasp) "Dumb dumb Mister!" I'veNeverBeenHappierToBeCalledADumbDumb.jpg Me: "You ready for a story about..(DM IMPROV SKILLS ENGAGE)..the time your daddy and his friends went deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg?" Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises) I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and says he'll see me on game night. Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable for once. I should have thanked him. I am the dumb dumb mister.
Insomnia Adventures u/Oceanundertow Be me, sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago Get startled by phone ringing It's one of my players Me: "Dude, it's midnight, you good?" Friend: "Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you. Could I ask for a favor?" OhGodHeKilledSomeone.gif Me: "Uh, sure? Shoot." Friend: "My daughter can't sleep, could you tell a quick story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my laptop at the office so I can't play them." NaniTheFuck.mp3 Me: "She listens to us to fall asleep?" Friend: "Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister.' Guess Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler." Me: "Wow..well, if it will help her sleep, then sure." %3D Friend: "Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to her room." (pause) "Okay, you're on speaker." Me: "Hey, [daughters name], it's uncle Anon." Daughter: (Happy gasp) "Dumb dumb Mister!" I'veNeverBeenHappierToBeCalledADumbDumb.jpg Me: "You ready for a story about..(DM IMPROV SKILLS ENGAGE)..the time your daddy and his friends went deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg?" Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises) I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and says he'll see me on game night. Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable for once. I should have thanked him. I am the dumb dumb mister.

Dungeons and Dragons
sleep

Chaos!? I'll Show You Chaos!

Have you guys ever noticed how suspiciously organised the forces of Chaotic Evil are? Like, there are set categories of demons with specific jobs and they all work under a hierarchy. Has there ever been a case where a Quasit has taken a nap and woken up as a Barlgura or a Jovoc? Hell, they even stay in the same shape for long periods of time, if not permanently. Meanwhile a hop, jump and a skip away into the that marvellous dungeon dimension known as the Far Realms everything is truly chaotically bonkers. Effects of Far Realm exposure includes, but is not limited to: * Mutating into a creature composed entirely of elbows and tongues. * Having every curve in your body being replaced with right angles. * Turning into a cloud of sentient static. * Being possessed by a sentient shade of blue. * Vomiting up a tumour which rapidly grows into a clone of yourself. * Your eyes being able to perceive every colour in existence. All of them. * Certain parts of the male anatomy sprouting wings and flying away. And that’s just what happens when a normal creature of the realms enters the Far Realm. You should see what comes out of the Far Realms. . N̜͓̩̥̓̓ͩo̙̙̰͈ͮ̄͐̓ẗ̹̟̰̦̐ ̭͍̙̱̺ͣ́̑̌͆ͤ̀ť̞̗̳̜̂̃h̻̟̻a̪͙̹͓ͥ́̉t̼̏̑͒͌ y̺̽̈́ͬͤ͒̏o͋̄ǘ̻̲̯̟̫̹̘̀͛̉ ̺̙̦̀̂h̝͗ͥ͒̾ḁ͉͍v̱͂ͧͩeͭͥ̊̊ͥ ̪̭̄ͬ̾̑ͅa͕͖̠̩̰͓̾̒ͥ̃̎ͅ ̺͓̩̩̳̞ͣͩͪ̉̓ċ͈̳̮̠̌̃̂̐ͅh̗̜̗̤͎͇o̙̭̠͉̤i̳̍ͤč̠̪͖̣̦ͩͧ́̐̅͌ě̪̎ . . . . . T̟̳̫̙̺͙͈̺̿h̺̼͛̈́̒̄ͫ̊ͭe̠̻ͫͩͥ̎ͭý̰̣̪̝̪̗ͤ ̞̞̩͚̽ͣ̚ͅC̲ͪ̊͐͛ͥͮ͋ͅo͖̺̲̬̪̐̄ͣͭ͑m̗̗̤̙̜̳̯̩̪ͫ͐̿ͣͫ̇́e̜̳̎͊ͫͣ̒ͥ͌ͅ!̩̳̓ͣ̑͑ . . . . . . . T̡̡ͫ̄ͦ̉̄͐͊ͣͤ͒̋̀ͭͨ͌͝͏̩̪͈̼͉͓̥̩̖͍Ḩ̨͇̣̟͇̮͂ͩͥ̆͊̕͢͟E̡̨̻͉̖̯̰̼͉͇̪̥̺͖͙̝̣̟̋̀ͯ̉̐̓̍̎̈́̆ͫ̈ͅY̢͐ͪ̌̐̾ͥ̉̉ͫ̋̔̓̇ͮͥ̓̒͜͞҉̵̲͎͔̺͕̙̥͚͉̙̖ ̧̤̘̖͓̫̱̆ͦ̒ͦ̽̉ͣ̈́̃ͥ̀̚̚C̸̑ͬͮ͛́ͧ҉̫̘̝̗̝̺͉͕̼͚̺̻̻O̊̎ͮͧ͂ͫ̆̈́̀͋̎͑ͤ̎̔̃̋̿̀͏̵̟̺͉͙̞̮̰̲̪M̨ͤ̏ͮ͒ͦ̑ͯͮ̾ͪ̀͡͞͏̙̦̰̞͖E̵̩̪̯̳̞̦̜̯͉̔̽͗̅̀̀̒̈́́͟͝ͅ!̌̓̃ͭ̌͊́̉͐͆̽̍҉͏̡͎̤͔̺͈̙͔̬̖̹͚̜̲͎̕͡ͅ
Have you guys ever noticed how suspiciously organised the forces of Chaotic Evil are? Like, there are set categories of demons with specific jobs and they all work under a hierarchy. Has there ever been a case where a Quasit has taken a nap and woken up as a Barlgura or a Jovoc? Hell, they even stay in the same shape for long periods of time, if not permanently. Meanwhile a hop, jump and a skip away into the that marvellous dungeon dimension known as the Far Realms everything is truly chaotically bonkers. Effects of Far Realm exposure includes, but is not limited to: * Mutating into a creature composed entirely of elbows and tongues. * Having every curve in your body being replaced with right angles. * Turning into a cloud of sentient static. * Being possessed by a sentient shade of blue. * Vomiting up a tumour which rapidly grows into a clone of yourself. * Your eyes being able to perceive every colour in existence. All of them. * Certain parts of the male anatomy sprouting wings and flying away. And that’s just what happens when a normal creature of the realms enters the Far Realm. You should see what comes out of the Far Realms. . N̜͓̩̥̓̓ͩo̙̙̰͈ͮ̄͐̓ẗ̹̟̰̦̐ ̭͍̙̱̺ͣ́̑̌͆ͤ̀ť̞̗̳̜̂̃h̻̟̻a̪͙̹͓ͥ́̉t̼̏̑͒͌ y̺̽̈́ͬͤ͒̏o͋̄ǘ̻̲̯̟̫̹̘̀͛̉ ̺̙̦̀̂h̝͗ͥ͒̾ḁ͉͍v̱͂ͧͩeͭͥ̊̊ͥ ̪̭̄ͬ̾̑ͅa͕͖̠̩̰͓̾̒ͥ̃̎ͅ ̺͓̩̩̳̞ͣͩͪ̉̓ċ͈̳̮̠̌̃̂̐ͅh̗̜̗̤͎͇o̙̭̠͉̤i̳̍ͤč̠̪͖̣̦ͩͧ́̐̅͌ě̪̎ . . . . . T̟̳̫̙̺͙͈̺̿h̺̼͛̈́̒̄ͫ̊ͭe̠̻ͫͩͥ̎ͭý̰̣̪̝̪̗ͤ ̞̞̩͚̽ͣ̚ͅC̲ͪ̊͐͛ͥͮ͋ͅo͖̺̲̬̪̐̄ͣͭ͑m̗̗̤̙̜̳̯̩̪ͫ͐̿ͣͫ̇́e̜̳̎͊ͫͣ̒ͥ͌ͅ!̩̳̓ͣ̑͑ . . . . . . . T̡̡ͫ̄ͦ̉̄͐͊ͣͤ͒̋̀ͭͨ͌͝͏̩̪͈̼͉͓̥̩̖͍Ḩ̨͇̣̟͇̮͂ͩͥ̆͊̕͢͟E̡̨̻͉̖̯̰̼͉͇̪̥̺͖͙̝̣̟̋̀ͯ̉̐̓̍̎̈́̆ͫ̈ͅY̢͐ͪ̌̐̾ͥ̉̉ͫ̋̔̓̇ͮͥ̓̒͜͞҉̵̲͎͔̺͕̙̥͚͉̙̖ ̧̤̘̖͓̫̱̆ͦ̒ͦ̽̉ͣ̈́̃ͥ̀̚̚C̸̑ͬͮ͛́ͧ҉̫̘̝̗̝̺͉͕̼͚̺̻̻O̊̎ͮͧ͂ͫ̆̈́̀͋̎͑ͤ̎̔̃̋̿̀͏̵̟̺͉͙̞̮̰̲̪M̨ͤ̏ͮ͒ͦ̑ͯͮ̾ͪ̀͡͞͏̙̦̰̞͖E̵̩̪̯̳̞̦̜̯͉̔̽͗̅̀̀̒̈́́͟͝ͅ!̌̓̃ͭ̌͊́̉͐͆̽̍҉͏̡͎̤͔̺͈̙͔̬̖̹͚̜̲͎̕͡ͅ

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Raising the Dead is Raising the Dead

After giving it some thought, I've come to the conclusion that the reason why people don't approve of Necromancers is not because they raise the dead, but because they are terrible at it.
After giving it some thought, I've come to the conclusion that the reason why people don't approve of Necromancers is not because they raise the dead, but because they are terrible at it.

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Running Laps Around the Alignment Chart

Some of you may be wondering if followers of Elistraee will be spared from destruction in our ongoing campaign against the Drow. Unfortunately, there will be collateral damage in our righteous crusade to rid the world of a terrible evil. But fear not, for the gods will literally sort out the good from the evil in the afterlife. I mean, really, they should be thanking us for guaranteeing their entrance to heaven.
Some of you may be wondering if followers of Elistraee will be spared from destruction in our ongoing campaign against the Drow. Unfortunately, there will be collateral damage in our righteous crusade to rid the world of a terrible evil. But fear not, for the gods will literally sort out the good from the evil in the afterlife. I mean, really, they should be thanking us for guaranteeing their entrance to heaven.

Dungeons and Dragons
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Nothing is a cliché when it is happening to you.

<i>The thief raced across the rooftops in the howling rain. He didn’t know about angels, but it was fear that gave men wings…</i> <i>Upon seeing the party enter the room, the tiefling at the desk threw her arms wide and declared: “Ah, dearest of all my friends, welcome!”…</i> <i>It was at this point that the party realised they should have probably started asking more questions a few hundred fireballs back…</i> <i>As she stood over the body slowly cooling in the bedroom, she wondered if she had the chance to do it again, she’d stop and do it differently. Of course, she wouldn’t. Call it fate or destiny or whatever, but the truth is there was no choice. If you chose a different option, then you would not be you. You’d be someone else…</i> <i>The Hill Giants stormed the front gate. It was a dumb move, but these were dumb move guys…</i> <i>The Blackguard snorted and spat “Well isn’t it the great Ilmaterian saviours of the poor”…</i> <i>In a maddening scrawl across the alley’s walls were the words “The Flesh of Fallen Angels” and “Mirrors are more fun than scrying”…</i> <i>The pleasure palace reeked of stale wine, body oil and greed…</i> <i>Firing a bow is a binary choice. You either do, or you don’t…</i> If you ever need help setting a gritty mood or are running a Noir-themed game and get stuck on how to describe things, I'd highly recommend adapting Max Payne's writing style. It just works so well.
<i>The thief raced across the rooftops in the howling rain. He didn’t know about angels, but it was fear that gave men wings…</i> <i>Upon seeing the party enter the room, the tiefling at the desk threw her arms wide and declared: “Ah, dearest of all my friends, welcome!”…</i> <i>It was at this point that the party realised they should have probably started asking more questions a few hundred fireballs back…</i> <i>As she stood over the body slowly cooling in the bedroom, she wondered if she had the chance to do it again, she’d stop and do it differently. Of course, she wouldn’t. Call it fate or destiny or whatever, but the truth is there was no choice. If you chose a different option, then you would not be you. You’d be someone else…</i> <i>The Hill Giants stormed the front gate. It was a dumb move, but these were dumb move guys…</i> <i>The Blackguard snorted and spat “Well isn’t it the great Ilmaterian saviours of the poor”…</i> <i>In a maddening scrawl across the alley’s walls were the words “The Flesh of Fallen Angels” and “Mirrors are more fun than scrying”…</i> <i>The pleasure palace reeked of stale wine, body oil and greed…</i> <i>Firing a bow is a binary choice. You either do, or you don’t…</i> If you ever need help setting a gritty mood or are running a Noir-themed game and get stuck on how to describe things, I'd highly recommend adapting Max Payne's writing style. It just works so well.

Dungeons and Dragons
max payne quotes references all three are going to lie to you

Bag of Bees

So I've actually worked out the math for this and it is f------ terrifying. Details in the comment section as it is far to much to put in the note section. . . . And, er, I may have accidently got Rouge and Rogue mixed-up. Soz.
So I've actually worked out the math for this and it is f------ terrifying. Details in the comment section as it is far to much to put in the note section. . . . And, er, I may have accidently got Rouge and Rogue mixed-up. Soz.

Dungeons and Dragons
concealed weapons bees beeeessssss!!! harry and ron screaming bag of holding tom dnd biological warfare rogue assassin druid

Campaigns and Cats?

E sandersstudies Follow My husband is playing DnD with some friends and told me to come look at the cat who is sitting in a chair like a person. My husband handed him a d20 and said "sir you have to roll a stealth check to convince the other party members you are a human" and the cat immediately batted the d20 and rolled a 14. The party cheered for him. sandersstudies Follow The final human player joined the table and they brought out a whole extra chair so the cat could remain at the table. He's now the party's official Druid and just canonically in wildshape all the time and therefore unable to speak Common.
E sandersstudies Follow My husband is playing DnD with some friends and told me to come look at the cat who is sitting in a chair like a person. My husband handed him a d20 and said "sir you have to roll a stealth check to convince the other party members you are a human" and the cat immediately batted the d20 and rolled a 14. The party cheered for him. sandersstudies Follow The final human player joined the table and they brought out a whole extra chair so the cat could remain at the table. He's now the party's official Druid and just canonically in wildshape all the time and therefore unable to speak Common.

Dungeons and Dragons
cat druid