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Anon goes to jail | /r/Greentext

File: image.jpg (36 KB, 400x400) Anonymous 10/24/18(Wed)21:29:43 No.783188407 [Reply] > > be me > locked up for 2 years for driving under the influence of Oxy > going into an all black cell block, 2 other white guys in there are all tore up from regular beatings > f--- that. > look for the biggest black monster I can find. > spot him. 6'5" build like Bautista. > "let's do this" I think. > walk right up there to him, yell, "you! Big Nig!" > he stands up, full head taller than me. I stare hi right in the eye. > "I'll suck your d--- on the reg, if you keep me safe." > spend 2 years on easy street,safe and sound no one f---- with me. Suck some big black d---. Who cares.
File: image.jpg (36 KB, 400x400) Anonymous 10/24/18(Wed)21:29:43 No.783188407 [Reply] > > be me > locked up for 2 years for driving under the influence of Oxy > going into an all black cell block, 2 other white guys in there are all tore up from regular beatings > f--- that. > look for the biggest black monster I can find. > spot him. 6'5" build like Bautista. > "let's do this" I think. > walk right up there to him, yell, "you! Big Nig!" > he stands up, full head taller than me. I stare hi right in the eye. > "I'll suck your d--- on the reg, if you keep me safe." > spend 2 years on easy street,safe and sound no one f---- with me. Suck some big black d---. Who cares.

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Anon doesn’t like cutesy pet owners | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)15:15:18 No.63651278 WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS- 34905F22-2D8B-459B-B212-616E23F357EC.jpg 47 KB JPG >pet owners who refer to themselves as their animals 'mommy' or 'daddy'
: Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)15:15:18 No.63651278 WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS- 34905F22-2D8B-459B-B212-616E23F357EC.jpg 47 KB JPG >pet owners who refer to themselves as their animals 'mommy' or 'daddy'

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Anon finds a new conspiracy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)07:49:07 No.63646070 >the year is 2043 >you are a 23-year-old us army sergeant being sent back in time on a secret government project to 9/4/2001 >you have been tasked with stopping 9/11 364 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)08:21:15 No.63646362 >>63646070 (OP) # >the year is 2043 >the us gov sends a team back to stop something they did >>63646879 #
: Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)07:49:07 No.63646070 >the year is 2043 >you are a 23-year-old us army sergeant being sent back in time on a secret government project to 9/4/2001 >you have been tasked with stopping 9/11 364 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)08:21:15 No.63646362 >>63646070 (OP) # >the year is 2043 >the us gov sends a team back to stop something they did >>63646879 #

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Anon is no longer a virgin | /r/Greentext

>be me >c-- into toilet >flush >c-- gets to sewage >then to ocean >c-- in ocean >gets hot >evaporates >rain in russia >gets bottled >sold >qt3.14 drinks it >technically sucked my d--- Later, virgins 2 REPLIES
>be me >c-- into toilet >flush >c-- gets to sewage >then to ocean >c-- in ocean >gets hot >evaporates >rain in russia >gets bottled >sold >qt3.14 drinks it >technically sucked my d--- Later, virgins 2 REPLIES

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Anon is a Linux user | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/29/21 (Fri) 10:27:43 No.846046556 >year 1999 >get pirated copy of windows 98 >install it >soon as i plug in dial up >Bill f------ Gates bust through tAm H Misrorof window 59 KB JPG >'oops, looks like your Windows install is broke. Let me help you repair it' >picks up piece of broken glass and starts stabbing me >he grabs my ethernet cable >'im going to cut off your air ways at 1000 MBps!" >starts to choke me >c-- >i pass out >he throws CRT monitor on me >takes a s--- on my face >leaves And that is why i use Linux. F--- bill gates and microsoft
: Anonymous 01/29/21 (Fri) 10:27:43 No.846046556 >year 1999 >get pirated copy of windows 98 >install it >soon as i plug in dial up >Bill f------ Gates bust through tAm H Misrorof window 59 KB JPG >'oops, looks like your Windows install is broke. Let me help you repair it' >picks up piece of broken glass and starts stabbing me >he grabs my ethernet cable >'im going to cut off your air ways at 1000 MBps!" >starts to choke me >c-- >i pass out >he throws CRT monitor on me >takes a s--- on my face >leaves And that is why i use Linux. F--- bill gates and microsoft

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Anon is absolutely clueless | /r/Greentext

Anonymous EE 03/03/15(Tue)17:15:35 No.383353 >taking a piss at university >American student walks in >"Cold day, isn't it?" Why do Americans talk to strangers? Anonymous 03/03/15(Tue)17:16:24 No.3833 he was calling your d--- small Anonymous E 03/03/15(Tue)17:17:29 No.3833 File: 1387850227320.jpg (70 KB, 330x319) >>38335310 (OP) >Taking a piss >"Cold day isn't it" OP...
Anonymous EE 03/03/15(Tue)17:15:35 No.383353 >taking a piss at university >American student walks in >"Cold day, isn't it?" Why do Americans talk to strangers? Anonymous 03/03/15(Tue)17:16:24 No.3833 he was calling your d--- small Anonymous E 03/03/15(Tue)17:17:29 No.3833 File: 1387850227320.jpg (70 KB, 330x319) >>38335310 (OP) >Taking a piss >"Cold day isn't it" OP...

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anon is depressed | /r/Greentext

No. 854321979 05/13/21(Thu)10:11:36 Sad-Anime-Girl-PNG-Image-Background.png 447 KB 735x888 BROKEN > depressed, suicidal and no one to talk to >hears about therapy >doesn't have money to afford one >idea.jpg >becomes an egirl uses an anime girl pfp i picked up from pinterest >random simps pm me > we talk about our problems and somehow i feel better >notsodepressed.png >they start to fall for me >i tell them i was a guy all along > now they're depressed Getrektbitches 1 replies, 1 images
No. 854321979 05/13/21(Thu)10:11:36 Sad-Anime-Girl-PNG-Image-Background.png 447 KB 735x888 BROKEN > depressed, suicidal and no one to talk to >hears about therapy >doesn't have money to afford one >idea.jpg >becomes an egirl uses an anime girl pfp i picked up from pinterest >random simps pm me > we talk about our problems and somehow i feel better >notsodepressed.png >they start to fall for me >i tell them i was a guy all along > now they're depressed Getrektbitches 1 replies, 1 images

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Traps arent gay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: DwXx+tM7 ) 07/26/17(Wed)09:05:52 No.135013061 so if trans cant serve in the military and gays can serve in the military trans are not gays 4 KB PNG and if traps are trans then that means traps are not gay : Anonymous (ID: INIEFBAR 07/26/17(Wed)09:11:41 No.135013630 >>135013061 (OP) # >mfw this entire move was orchestrated to allow Trump to f--- traps without feeling gay 156 KB PNG
: Anonymous (ID: DwXx+tM7 ) 07/26/17(Wed)09:05:52 No.135013061 so if trans cant serve in the military and gays can serve in the military trans are not gays 4 KB PNG and if traps are trans then that means traps are not gay : Anonymous (ID: INIEFBAR 07/26/17(Wed)09:11:41 No.135013630 >>135013061 (OP) # >mfw this entire move was orchestrated to allow Trump to f--- traps without feeling gay 156 KB PNG

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Anon meets a woman | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)21:10:30 No.854282834 >be me >have girl i have a crush on over >were chatting >discover she has a bf >dissapointed.jpeg >continue talking for an 79 KB JPG hour >i ask if she needs anything >chuckles and says money, but seemed very distraught >she starts to leave >i pull a hundred from my wallet and give it to her >she starts crying and hugs me tight saying "i remember waiting for you to get to class in HS" >all she says >i dont want to let her go as im starting to cry >wake up hugging myself and crying >why 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)21:10:30 No.854282834 >be me >have girl i have a crush on over >were chatting >discover she has a bf >dissapointed.jpeg >continue talking for an 79 KB JPG hour >i ask if she needs anything >chuckles and says money, but seemed very distraught >she starts to leave >i pull a hundred from my wallet and give it to her >she starts crying and hugs me tight saying "i remember waiting for you to get to class in HS" >all she says >i dont want to let her go as im starting to cry >wake up hugging myself and crying >why 1 Reply View Thread

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Anon plays persona | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)00:17:03 No.555367163 >have huge crush on stacy >spats, thicc thighs, tomboy, basically perfect >we both love persona >get her persona is as a gift planning to ask her out 67 KB JPG >turns out she's already with chad >he just shared his new PS5 with Call Of Duty Modern Warfare >next pic is them clearly tonguing each other what games make you feel sexually attractive? : Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)00:18:12 No.555367242 >>555367163 (OP) # kys. : Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)00:18:38 No.555367271 >she's ok with some retard that buys new consoles and plays last gen games on them, especially call of duty You dodged a bullet anon Move on >>555367368 # >>555367463 #
: Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)00:17:03 No.555367163 >have huge crush on stacy >spats, thicc thighs, tomboy, basically perfect >we both love persona >get her persona is as a gift planning to ask her out 67 KB JPG >turns out she's already with chad >he just shared his new PS5 with Call Of Duty Modern Warfare >next pic is them clearly tonguing each other what games make you feel sexually attractive? : Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)00:18:12 No.555367242 >>555367163 (OP) # kys. : Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)00:18:38 No.555367271 >she's ok with some retard that buys new consoles and plays last gen games on them, especially call of duty You dodged a bullet anon Move on >>555367368 # >>555367463 #

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Anon hates his boss | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)10:47:52 No.63127889 > be me > new boss > big fat bitch > constantly complains about their weight > can't say anything because boss > awkward.jpeg 17 KB PNG > 5 months later > boss is bigger/fatter/bitchier > still complaining about being a big fat bitch > self-employed
: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)10:47:52 No.63127889 > be me > new boss > big fat bitch > constantly complains about their weight > can't say anything because boss > awkward.jpeg 17 KB PNG > 5 months later > boss is bigger/fatter/bitchier > still complaining about being a big fat bitch > self-employed

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Anon has a heated debate | /r/Greentext

*ahem* meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow 107 KB JPG meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meOw meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow 29 Replies / 4 Images View Thread : Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)09:35:18 No.854091944 >>854088015 (OP) # *counterpoint* bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark wheez snort 66 KB JPG bark bark bark
*ahem* meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow 107 KB JPG meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meOw meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow 29 Replies / 4 Images View Thread : Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)09:35:18 No.854091944 >>854088015 (OP) # *counterpoint* bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark wheez snort 66 KB JPG bark bark bark

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Anon pushes buttons | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)03:56:56 No.63649403 click >click That's your whole life. 60 KB PNG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)03:57:31 No.63649405 >>63649403 (OP) # Not true, sometimes I push buttons >>63649418 #
: Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)03:56:56 No.63649403 click >click That's your whole life. 60 KB PNG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)03:57:31 No.63649405 >>63649403 (OP) # Not true, sometimes I push buttons >>63649418 #

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Anon struggles with IQ test | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/25/18(Sat)17:02:31 No.7781 >friend sends me iq test >okay ill do it > finish test and get 75 iq >i cant show this to my friend >i do the test again knowing answers >get 73 >mfw 59 KB PNG
Anonymous 08/25/18(Sat)17:02:31 No.7781 >friend sends me iq test >okay ill do it > finish test and get 75 iq >i cant show this to my friend >i do the test again knowing answers >get 73 >mfw 59 KB PNG

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Anon has a gf | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/29/19(Sat)15:07:42 No.803455386- >be me >go to high school >same s--- every day >s--- sucks >at least I have a girlfriend to make things better >I have her for my 5th hour Chemistry 22 KB JPG class >sneak in supply closet with her before class starts >have the best sex to ever occur in human history >exit closet >nobody bats an eye >go to my desk >turn on projector >begin teaching
: Anonymous 06/29/19(Sat)15:07:42 No.803455386- >be me >go to high school >same s--- every day >s--- sucks >at least I have a girlfriend to make things better >I have her for my 5th hour Chemistry 22 KB JPG class >sneak in supply closet with her before class starts >have the best sex to ever occur in human history >exit closet >nobody bats an eye >go to my desk >turn on projector >begin teaching

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Anon makes cancer joke | /r/Greentext


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Catanon has a retard owner | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 790705743 2 min ago ••• >be me >Cat >Lives with a human who never goes out. Eat and sleeps all day and lives of parents money and got no friends. >Probably a cat in human form. >Human talks to me everyday even though I can't understand s---. >Retarded.jpeg >Calls me >" Catanon I'm out of tendies and my parents are busy. I'm going outside to get some tendies >Whatever.jpeg >tells me that he loves me >l don't. >Purr coz l'm a cat and that's what cats do. 13.0 kB JPG >Human thinks that I love him too. >Retarded2x.jpeg >lt's been two days and human never came back. >His parents came crying and told me that anon died in an accident. >WHAT >Mfw human is so retarded he died the only time he went out. >Pic related
Anonymous | 790705743 2 min ago ••• >be me >Cat >Lives with a human who never goes out. Eat and sleeps all day and lives of parents money and got no friends. >Probably a cat in human form. >Human talks to me everyday even though I can't understand s---. >Retarded.jpeg >Calls me >" Catanon I'm out of tendies and my parents are busy. I'm going outside to get some tendies >Whatever.jpeg >tells me that he loves me >l don't. >Purr coz l'm a cat and that's what cats do. 13.0 kB JPG >Human thinks that I love him too. >Retarded2x.jpeg >lt's been two days and human never came back. >His parents came crying and told me that anon died in an accident. >WHAT >Mfw human is so retarded he died the only time he went out. >Pic related

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Anon meets Goku | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)14:25:16 No.854256490 >be me, kissless, hugless, friendless virgin >be in my room, doing nothing >I should go work out but feel like s--- >suddenly Goku enters my room through my window 701 KB PNG >w--.com >"Yo no soy marinero, soy capitan anon. Soy capitan" >l see my life flashing before my eyes >l feel a strong energy rush over me as I turn super saiyan >drink 4 litres of protein shakes and run to my gym >deadlift 50 plates >receptionist compliments me on my blonded hair >f--- her and both of her sisters >feel good thank you Goku
: Anonymous 05/12/21(Wed)14:25:16 No.854256490 >be me, kissless, hugless, friendless virgin >be in my room, doing nothing >I should go work out but feel like s--- >suddenly Goku enters my room through my window 701 KB PNG >w--.com >"Yo no soy marinero, soy capitan anon. Soy capitan" >l see my life flashing before my eyes >l feel a strong energy rush over me as I turn super saiyan >drink 4 litres of protein shakes and run to my gym >deadlift 50 plates >receptionist compliments me on my blonded hair >f--- her and both of her sisters >feel good thank you Goku

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Anon witnesses a fight | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/31/13(Thu)19:11:53 No.513691304 I witnessed the most horrific Tard event. >Be in school >walking down crowded corridor 214 KB PNG >Spot tard holding sandwich >This tard is known for flipping out violently and a wrangler is nowhere to be seen. >Suddenly, amongst the crowd, someone bumps into the tard and knocks his sandwich out his hand. >A slice of ham lands on some quiet kid who is by his locker >ohgodno.avi >Like the horns of Jericho, the tard lets out noise that could bring down the walls of a fortress >He leaps on the quiet kid and tackles him to the ground, eyes glazed over in feral rage >ohshitnigger.jpg >The tard sinks his teeth into this kid's upper thigh, but somehow still roaring >little did I know, thta the quiet kid was suffering from PTSD from a violent dog attack >He flips his s--- and unleashes an epic 45-hit fist combo into the tards face >As the punches keep landing, the tard's face is slowly becoming mushier and redder >The tard increases his bite strengh and his growl grows louder >The quiet kid is now bawling his eyes out but he doesn't cease his furious punching >Blood is beginning to be splattered about the hall from the tard's face >the bite mark is now flowing freely with blood as well >like lightning, the quiet kid grabs the tard's forehead with one hand and right hooks him in the jaw with the other. >audiblecrack.mp3 >the tard flops off the kid and begins writing on the floor, smearing blood and saliva everywhere >the quiet kid looks at his bloodsoaked fists, pukes and passes out (probably from the pain of the bite) >MFW he broke a tard's jaw to free himself >MFW the hallway looks like the f------ somme >MFW at least 10 kids had to have counselling after seeing this Also, Tard stories general.
Anonymous 10/31/13(Thu)19:11:53 No.513691304 I witnessed the most horrific Tard event. >Be in school >walking down crowded corridor 214 KB PNG >Spot tard holding sandwich >This tard is known for flipping out violently and a wrangler is nowhere to be seen. >Suddenly, amongst the crowd, someone bumps into the tard and knocks his sandwich out his hand. >A slice of ham lands on some quiet kid who is by his locker >ohgodno.avi >Like the horns of Jericho, the tard lets out noise that could bring down the walls of a fortress >He leaps on the quiet kid and tackles him to the ground, eyes glazed over in feral rage >ohshitnigger.jpg >The tard sinks his teeth into this kid's upper thigh, but somehow still roaring >little did I know, thta the quiet kid was suffering from PTSD from a violent dog attack >He flips his s--- and unleashes an epic 45-hit fist combo into the tards face >As the punches keep landing, the tard's face is slowly becoming mushier and redder >The tard increases his bite strengh and his growl grows louder >The quiet kid is now bawling his eyes out but he doesn't cease his furious punching >Blood is beginning to be splattered about the hall from the tard's face >the bite mark is now flowing freely with blood as well >like lightning, the quiet kid grabs the tard's forehead with one hand and right hooks him in the jaw with the other. >audiblecrack.mp3 >the tard flops off the kid and begins writing on the floor, smearing blood and saliva everywhere >the quiet kid looks at his bloodsoaked fists, pukes and passes out (probably from the pain of the bite) >MFW he broke a tard's jaw to free himself >MFW the hallway looks like the f------ somme >MFW at least 10 kids had to have counselling after seeing this Also, Tard stories general.

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As the founding fathers intended | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 68106536 6 hr. ago •.. >burglar trying to enter my home >not managing to pick my lock >goes "f--- it" mode >pulls out handgun, smashes window with it >steps in, gun ready >l yell from my bedroom >"VEKTORS! PROTECT OUR HOME!" 473.9 kB JPG >numerous little beeps ensue >from the shadows, hundreds and hundreds of little robots emerge, each with a knife taped to them >burglar opens fire on the Vektors >they're too small and too nimble, he misses every shot >panicking, he tries to stomp them >one manages to stab his foot >screaming in pain, the burglar falls down >the little robots go for the kill, stabbing the burglar over and over >they all beep in victory after he's dead >"Good job Vektors. Go home." >all the little robots scurry away to their hiding spots
Anonymous | 68106536 6 hr. ago •.. >burglar trying to enter my home >not managing to pick my lock >goes "f--- it" mode >pulls out handgun, smashes window with it >steps in, gun ready >l yell from my bedroom >"VEKTORS! PROTECT OUR HOME!" 473.9 kB JPG >numerous little beeps ensue >from the shadows, hundreds and hundreds of little robots emerge, each with a knife taped to them >burglar opens fire on the Vektors >they're too small and too nimble, he misses every shot >panicking, he tries to stomp them >one manages to stab his foot >screaming in pain, the burglar falls down >the little robots go for the kill, stabbing the burglar over and over >they all beep in victory after he's dead >"Good job Vektors. Go home." >all the little robots scurry away to their hiding spots

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