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MASSACHUSETTS | RHODE ISLAND WASHINGTON DC Is the bartender; responsible for the upkeep of the bar and the safety of the patrons. They give him money in exchange for drinks. When the states need drinks they love him and compliment him; when they're drunk they complain about him Middle-aged fat guy with a heavy accent who obnoxiously argues with who approaches him anyone Obviously disdains New York and mutters that he's a "rich f-----' bastard" New Hampshire and Vermont try to talk to him but he swears at them VERMONT & NEW OSTO HAMPSHIRE Two friends from college who sit together drinking IPAs and discussing Socialist politics NH House Rep. Discussing home brewing and woodcrafting Wearing "Bernie 2012" shirts MINNESOTA Brought a case of Summit Extra Pale Ale and is now giving them out, much to DC's chagrin Keeps mentioning his high school friend Wisconsin, who couldn't make it tonight Leaves early because he's going fishing in the morning Has a gay crush on Oregon but won't admit it Gay Chinese immigrant who works in tech Asks everyone if there are trendy oyster bars nearby Has a hate crush on Texas but hooks up with Oregon in the bathroom Drinking from a craft brew from a new Obviously stoned brewery, "you've never heard of it" WASHINGTON Pale guy, quiet and reserved, Blond woman in her late 20s who wearing glasses, reading a book works in early childhood education and drinking coffee Yells at New Jersey for throwing a napkin on the floor instead of in the recycling bin Wants to drink but can't, she recently found out she's pregnant and doesn't know who the Dad is Has a gay crush on Washington but isn't sure of his sexuality so hooks up with California 2 Double-fisting Narrangansett pounders and sitting on a stack of phone books Flamboyantly-gay Cuban immigrant who showed mesh tank top Shrin up When Delaware asks him why, he starts cussing him out and leaves in a rage in a UTAH 2 Ex-Mormon but still doesn't drink alcohol or caffeine Dancing in the middle of the floor, tries to play Latin music on the aux, screams at random intervals DD for Utah 1, Idaho, Wyoming, and Colorado Goes to the bathroom early in the night and doesn't come out for over an hour MAINE Pale guy orbiting Vermont and New Hampshire but not engaging in conversation Orders a lobster roll from the kitchen, Tennessee 1 mutters "honey, we don' do that here," and he appears offended CALIFORNIA 2 TENNESSEE 1 PENNSYLVANIA Attractive brunette girl of German descent who's bought one Yuengling but is otherwise letting the rest of the bar buy her drinks She and Ohio were a thing in the past but tonight she hooks up with Michigan OREGON GEORGIA Tall hipster wearing flannel and skinny jeans Ohio is nervous because they hate-f----- two weeks ago Older black woman with a husky voice, and the bar's cook Makes banging hush puppies and serves Ohio chili when he's feeling bad Friendly with everyone; calls each patron "honey" Black SoundCloud rapper wearing lots of bling and handing out his mixtape SOUTH DAKOTA Oldest man at the bar, an American Indian with long white Carving statuettes out of soapstone under the bar hair and a ponytail Has beef with New Jersey some reason and tries to start s--- but Tennessee 1 talks him out of it Wearing a worn biker vest and gets along with everyone Has some sort of secret agreement with DC about the "codes" Drinking Modelo and eating a tamale HAWAII Sunburned boomer wearing sunglasses indoors and drinking a cocktail from a coconut Says "Mahalo" to everyone who passes and tries to play Elvis on the aux, arguing with Florida 2 They don't like him that much but he's their DD Whenever someone asks him who he's with he exclaims "my best friends!" Has a curfew and goes home at midnight FLORIDA 2 NEW MEXICO MICHIGAN Chill half-Native, half-Hispanic guy, discusses conspiracy theories with Wyoming before he runs off to the roof Wearing a motorcycle jacket covered in patches Chill, attractive basketball player; not the wealthiest guy and comes from a s----- family, but doesn't let that define who he is NORTH CAROLINA DELAWARE MISSISSIPPI NEW YORK Overly-exuberant guy who always hung out in the popular (New Jersey, Pennsylvania, New York) friend group although he clearly doesn't fit in Richest person at the bar, just got off work and is now sitting alone drinking scotch and checking his stock positions on his phone Once Indiana bumps into him and spills a little beer and New York shouts "do you know how much this suit cost!?" and leaves Claim to support Socialist politics but New York calls them out; "you each made $110k last year working for my company!" Drinking Coors and claim to love it, but they wince with every sip TEXAS Wearing a Double-fisting Dr. cowboy hat Pepper and Lone Star and tall boots and bragging about how he's the most popular person at the bar Buys Pennsylvania drinks and they hook up Boper Between making out, they whisper to each other about how much they hate Pennsylvania's ex, Ohio INDIANA Impatiently waiting in line for the bathroom, upset at Utah 2 for being in there so long Kansas quietly tells him to shut up Poor, bad- smelling guy in a wifebeater OHIO Has had six Great Lakes porters so far but isn't letting up Tried to hook up with Pennsylvania, but Michigan got to her first F-- Looks at Florida 2 with disgust and mutters "f-----" Calls Ohio his friend, which Ohio denies Now he sits alone at a booth eating the s-------- f------ bar chili and complaining to anyone who passes by how much he wants to leave, even though he never does LASKAN Vermont and New Hampshire bully him relentlessly and the southern states don't stand up for him Whispers to DC that he can't cover his tab tonight, DC frowns and shakes his head KANSAS Old friends with Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Texas, and their DD tonight, but clearly embarrassed of their antics Listens to Utah 1's Mormon pitch with a tired, disinterested gaze, and gets in an argument about the Civil War with Florida 1 Frat boy wearing Brags to the girls Vineyard Vines about his family's and pastel money and invites shorts them on his boat Gets in a college football argument with Florida 1 and buys a round for everyone with his Daddy's credit card ALASKA Older man who pregamed way too hard and shows up already plastered ALABAMA ARKANSAS Fat guy with a beard wearing tactical gear although he never served Mutters about his job in petroleum engineering, Idaho tries to talk to him and he says "f--- off" Passed out by 11 PM IDAHO Sitting with Utah 1 and Nevada but pretends he's friends with Alabama and Mississippi Discusses conspiracy theory with Wyoming, refuses to trust DC ROMAN Drinking a can of Budweiser and arguing with New Jersey about whether to turn the TVs to football or NASCAR LOCK HER UP! Luckily, everyone in the South has a crush on her; they sit together and laugh and discuss the 1980s Watching sports on the TVs, cheers and sprays beer whenever his preferred team scores TENNESSEE 2 WEST VIRGINIA 50s-something woman with big hair and a broad southern accent, she had a vague country singing career once but now she needs other guys to buy her drinks COLORADO SOUTH CAROLINA CALIFORNIA 1 FLORIDA 1 Very attractive couple in their 20s who wear Patagonia and North Face Obscenely-rich blond teenage girl who is dressed in $2,500 of clothing and thinks her life is an episode of Euphoria Known meth user Complains about the low quality of the bar and talks loudly on her phone about her upcoming audition Drinks four $14 martinis and gets South Carolina to pay for them 17-year-old who snuck in with a fake ID and brags about it ARIZONA Downing shots of whiskey at a table alone USA Drunk off two shots of tequila, hits on California 1 aggressively Cracks edgy, politically- incorrect jokes UTAH 1 Open Mormon, not at all afraid to try and convert people at the bar Gets Nevada and Idaho to pass out literature for him Challenges everyone who passes to arm wrestling Drowning in Bud Light and talking with the other Southern States nostalgically about the 80s 2012- RESTORE AMERICA NOW NEW JERSEY OKLAHOMA Italian-American guy in his 30s; brags about his family's mob connections although he's definitely lying Obese, sunburned man who can't close the yearbook on his high school football career Claims he's best friends with New York although New York ignores him Kansas tells him to stop in a low voice and he shouts "I AIN'T GAY, YOU HEAR!?" Tags along with Mississippi when he goes to report he his pay can't RON PAUL Budu tab Oregon and Washington hate him for no clear reason NEVADA Sketchy, balding man chain-smoking Newports he pulled from his black leather jacket Drunkenly asks California 1 "how much, baby?" So sunburnt that he looks like a lizard CAN R.I.P. forver flyover Pulls a pair of dice from his pocket and asks if anyone wants to play a game, DC gets mad and kicks him out Brought his own Hardee's to eat at the bar, drinks a Bud Light from a paper bag for some reason Calls Georgia the n word and almost gets in a fight, then buys weed off him Sings "Margaritaville" with West Virginia WYOMING Stands on the roof, heavily armed, muttering about "black helicopters" DC comes outside and tells him he needs to either come in or leave, Wyoming releases a string of expletives

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Oh no! I was sitting at the bar having a normal night when suddenly, the human personifications of 4...


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Authoritarian The immortal science of materialist Christianity made the master race dialectics is the only permitted world view. weak. Islam in particular must be destroyed. Economic- Left Imagine caring about anything. Economic- Right Sorry, but religion is, like, the patriarchy, sweetie. Slaves of the Archons Wanna buy a brain chip? Or at least a bottle of corn syrup? Libertarian Servants of the Aeons I hate the antichrist!
How is order maintained and the issue of economic scarcity dealt with? Authoritarian Government & Government Property Rights Economic- Left Economic- Right IDK (It's going to be a government) Property Rights Libertarian
LIBERTE EGALITE FRATERNITE FRATERNITE EGALITE LIBERTE
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Political Compass - Oh no! I was sitting at the bar having a normal night when suddenly, the human personifications of 4...

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Uploaded Mar 03, 2023 at 02:22AM EST

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