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Scientists Train Goldfish To Drive | /r/PoliticalCompassMemes
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![Political Compass Memes: Argues about dumb social issues Auth Right Lib Left 88 50% to + Featured in 50% of memes and argue about anything even slightly related to economics Right 3:M Left [removed] Literally just fight about capitalism vs. communism Auth Lib Left Right 51 $! Auth center Says the most racist, jaw- dropping, hateful, out of pocket thing you've ever heard They just sit back and watch Lib center cent- er](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/002/570/339/82b.jpg "This sub explained: | /r/PoliticalCompassMemes")
A tremendous advantage to having a 2.2-million word journal is that I write down lots of dialogue as it happens, preserving it forever. This enables me to create a compass such as this one, my largest-ever: 12x10 wojak compass of 'things people have said
![4/1/22 "China has broken apart many times and the Han have always found a way to put it back together again. America has never had such trouble. This is why China will prevail." - my Chinese concubus 9/2/15 "Welcome, comrade." - President of college socialist club Context: I decided to join because I was a Bernie bro, but I couldn't stand Context: in bed, he was lecturing me about the superiority of the CCP and making kinda a good case 3/24/17 "I'm a good communist - no religion!" - Chinese guy sitting across from me at restaurant "Is that whole pie for you? Share, man. - freshman floormate the cringe and quit after the first meeting NIV Context: we struck up a conversation about religion 8/30/15 Context: I was being way too long-winded with my final essay 10/14/17 2/11/17 "King Michael was always a retard, "You're trying to cram a anyway. All kings are. Now get back to manifesto into eight pages." - my your workout before I send you to college legal writing professor Valhalla." - college rowing coach Queen Context: I bought a pizza but only ate one slice before the rest of the floor descended on it like greedy pigeons 10/29/20 "I'm snapping my friends and asking who they voted for. If they answer anything other than 'Biden,' even if they're not voting, I block them. I don't need racists in my life." - best friend's girlfriend's friend Context: insane zealotry combined with mental illness 6/16/21 "This one time, I was playing in upstate NY, against some real natives, and I was on ball and covered by two guys. They were about to put me to sleep, but then they saw the Haudenosaunee flag on my helmet and stopped cold. They never hit me again. I've worn the flag ever since. I have immense respect for the true fathers of the sport." - rec lacrosse league teammate Context: he had a Haudenosaunee flag on his helmet and I asked why 1/26/22 "Nig*a, you dead. The moment they see that nose, you snatched for sure. Jews is basically black people with less melanin." - college peer Context: told her I was going to Ukraine and she didn't have much geopolitical knowledge 9/14/17 "You should probably be a permanent women's coxswain. You're the cutest little thing" - girl on rowing team Context: this was NOT a compliment 8/29/20 "You tell yo President Trump to kiss my black ass." - urban Census respondent Context: he did not trust the government Context: just bought acid in preparation for our first trip 10/12/18 "You've come in here three times today. You're on camera. You're probably buying for someone." - liquor store clerk Context: I visited the liquor store multiple times on a game day and it was my fault for not taking proper precautions 9/16/14 "You weren't *vandalizing* anything, were you?" - high school rowing coach Context: he asked this 8/20/20 "My neighbor is a f----- and a pimp and he has COVID, and you need to arrest him." - Census respondent immediately after I vandalized a bridge Context: instead of answering his Census, he was trying to snitch on his neighbor 6/21/13 "Stupid American, trying to speak out language." - German teenager on the Munich subway pecuni Context: I was trying to practice my limited German and got scoffed at Context: briefing me on a workout 10/11/17 "Well, at least you're not wasting that political science major." - rowing team president Context: I was mad at something on the team so I drafted a multipage protest document 6/7/19 "Save money and don't bring undue attention to yourself. Keep your head down and spend conservatively." - my Brazilian coworker Context: he was six years older than me and trying to be a mentor to me 9/11/14 "Who do you think you are, some kind of news reporter??" - popular guy in my grade Context: I was running around the school in al flat cap interviewing students in a Mid- Atlantic accent (not al shining moment) 5/11/19 "I'm glad to have met you. You opened my eyes to many beautiful things. Without your creativity and your careful eye, I never would've seen such things." - college rowing teammate and mentor Context: toasting me at the end-of-year banquet 4/4/19 "I know you're a creative person. I know that you value variety, and that right now you feel caged and afraid. But you have to believe me: creative people can survive in the real world." - my professor Context: it was my last class of college and I was terrified of graduating and becoming a real adult and she was trying to calm me down 9/27/15 "Do you j------- with 3/3/20 10/16/13 "Let's go to space, dude." - "My eyes are up here!" - former roommate high school rowing coach your roommates?" - Pete Davidson Context: he was doing standup at my school and I was sitting front row, and he asked me this question directly Context: he showed up to practice in drag as a joke and I couldn't stop staring at his fake hooters 6/7/22 "Your eyes are beautiful. Look how they glimmer! Oh my God, I can see the universe in them." - hostel friend in Bratislava Context: we had taken mushrooms two. hours earlier and we were laying in the grass fascinated with the world 2/17/22 "Hе снимай! [No filming!]" - angry Ukrainian babushka Context: I was (stupidly) standing outside the Ukrainian Ministry of Defense and filming it 1/9/16 "No pierogis unless you're 21!" - store clerk 5/8/15 "You're an adult now. You're eighteen, which means you'll soon face real consequences for your actions. You need to live up to your age." - high school lacrosse coach Context: me and my friend went to a niche shop to buy pierogis but the clerk wouldn't let us for some reason 2/26/16 "You did a very good job. You received the highest grade in the class." my Russian history professor Franz Context: he called me into his office and lectured me when I turned 18. Spoiler: I did not live up to my age 1/3/14 "You can uh...get lots of concussions out there." - my doctor Franz Context: after midterm papers were graded he pulled me aside to deliver this praise - I was deeply honored 4/30/14 "My buddy needs his essay written tonight or he'll fail English. You're an author and everything, so you must write good, right?" - lacrosse teammate and one of the most popular guys in the grade. Context: I told him I was playing lacrosse Context: this marked the first time I wrote an essay for him. I ended up making $400 off him over the next two years. Franz Context: I was giving him a ride home and he felt the need to highlight an obvious truth 8/7/14 "Follow your dreams and make good choices. Write more books." - wholesome guy at summer rowing camp Context: he was impressed by me 5/7/19 "I haven't been happy at rowing for a long time. At work Sunday-man, what a day! - a guy came in, a suicide. He had just shot off his head with a twelve- gauge. Blood flowed from him as they ran the scans; of course he was dead, but we just put him on ice. until the family showed. That gave me perspective. Rowing, and all the rest of life, is nothing in the face of that. You will never consider today especially important after seeing something like that. F---, I wish never saw it." - rowing teammate No context 2/24/22 "Успокой, приятный мальчик. Все будет Xорошо [Calm yourself, dear boy. Everything will be ok.]" - Ukrainian babushka I met walking on the M11 highway during the Russian invasion Context: I was running on pure adrenaline and terror and she grounded me 2/5/15 "You might as well have just dropped to your knees and sucked his c--- right here." - high school lacrosse teammate Context: I had just publicly kissed ass to my coaches and it was cringe 6/8/14 "Let's do it! You and me, together. Let's go smoke." - lacrosse teammate and one of the most popular guys in the grade 9/3/18 "Stop that right now. I'm calling the campus police." - fat man wearing a My Little Pony t-shirt Context: I was trying to break into a gym after-hours, which. 5/24/14 7/17/19 "Not many girls like you. Are you disappointed by that? Do you have low self- "You make me happy as a esteem?" - lacrosse teammate and one of the lollipop!" - my grandpa most popular guys in the grade Context: the immediate prelude to my first time smoking weed ED 3/15/17 "So you wanna hold yourself accountable? Hold yourself accountable for calling me a ni**er!" - random heckler at student government debate was common practice among students, but this prick didn't know. 9/21/17 "In a courtroom, being unprepared is intolerable, but being unprepared and acting prepared is charlatanism. You will get disbarred. You must learn to admit temporary embarrassment rather than face permanent shame." - my college legal writing professor Context: I had never met this person and I never saw her again. Everyone was just kinda confused. 3/15/14 "You're fine, but you always need to take direction from the coaches." - lacrosse teammate Context: I pulled a presentation out of my ass because I wasn't prepared, and he was not at all pleased about it Context: asked him for constructive 6/11/15 "We talked about you. He wouldn't stop going on about you. He told me you're the hardest worker he's ever seen about. ten times." - Mom "Goodnight, and thanks for being part of my good day." - rowing teammate Ikon criticism after my first game 4/29/17 "We're not sheep, we're shepherds. We will lead the factions out of darkness and into the light of Centrism." - random guy at party Context: first time my Mom talked to my high school lacrosse coach Context: got way too deep into politics at a college party Context: I guess he just felt like saying it. I thought it was super wholesome. 4/8/17 Context: we were billeted together at a regatta, it was one of the best things I'd ever heard and I use it on others now 4/8/19 "I like your attitude. It's good for all of us." - college rowing coach Context: I had just had a good practice and I was happy for once 3/5/14 "You're an inconvenience." - high school lacrosse teammate Context: I ran into him at practice and he got mad and confirmed that he was thinking exactly what I'd feared everyone was thinking 11/12/18 "Hope you find your way one day, man. You know now what'll happen if you don't." homeless man Context: he followed me and gave me eerie unsolicited advice 8/1/17 "Cadrai 500 metri in 40 secondi, con una velocità di 75 kilometri di ora. Sei pronto? [You're going to fall 500 meters in 40 seconds, at a speed of 75kph. Are you ready?]" - Italian zipline operator Context: ziplining over a gorge 4/21/18 "We're gonna go kill someone out there, because we're a killing team. We kill foreigners and especially gypsies." - college rowing coach Context: he was from Eastern Europe, he said s--- like this 6/15/22 "They shouldn't have torn down those f------ statues." - rec lacrosse league teammate Context: we were discussing his home state of Mississippi and he had some opinions 3/21/14 "We have your number, 39. Watch your back." - opponent player at high school game Context: did way too much s--- talking and soon learned that was a bad move 2/13/23 "I know you're a history buff, so I don't have to explain the hazards of phosgene to you." high school classmate turned chemist. Context: asked him for advice before going into East Palestine 11/9/20 "I love your Remembrance Day poppy, did you make it yourself?" - store clerk Context: every November I make my own Rememberance Day poppy pin, but very few people recognize it 9/18/22 "You're down on yourself all the time It's unflattering. You talk every day about how bad your life is - get off your ass and change it." - my uncle Context: said a self- disparaging comment and he delivered a well- deserved dose of Stoic philosophy 2/5/22 "I believe in you. You're interesting and insane enough to believe in. I want to invest in your future." - wealthy high school peer Context: I publicized my trip to Ukraine and he bought me at GoPro what a mensch W 12/4/13 "It'll be fun! We can be lifting buddies, rower boy." - lacrosse teammate Context: first day of lifting before the 2014 spring season, made me feel vindicated and accepted 6/19/21 "You're always chasing some grand plan, some obscene. goal. You rowed ten million meters and wrote multiple books. Nobody else does that s---. You're always reaching very, very far." - former roommate Not much context necessary 2/26/14 "You'll have plenty of time to sleep when you're old. Seize today!" - lacrosse teammate Context: 5 AM practice, I was complaining about lack of sleep 2/19/21 "Come on our adventure of whiskey and nicotine!" - freshman friend Context: he came over at 1 AM by complete surprise and tried to get me to come out 9/18/15 "You're that freshman who came to practice the whole first week with a gigantic hickey!" - college lacrosse teammate Context: this was my reputation!? [DATE CENSORED] "Do you mind if we make the article in defense of Fascism? More people would read it that way." - Matt Taibbi 1/15/15 "What does the phrase 'Arbeit Macht Frei' mean to you?" - lacrosse teammate 6/10/22 9 Context: we worked on an article together but I'm censoring all other information because it's really easy to figure out exactly who I am through it Supermad's Context: I was the only Jewish kid on the lacrosse team, there were many such jokes "You're a war hero!" - disfavored concubus Context: he and many others thought my Ukraine experience was "heroic" when it very much wasn't "You should join the Army! You'd have fun." - college peer 11/8/21 would've gone through with it Context: he had just commissioned and he was trying to recruit everyone he could 8/26/15 "Are you a freshman? I would give anything to be so young. College goes fast; enjoy it." - neighborhood dweller as I walked to my first college party Context: existential. terror 12/2/18 9/26/15 1/7/20 "Slow down there, Hebrew "Wittgenstein believed in serving his Hammer. Almost lost your cool." country. He thinks that in order to enjoy the you, some kind of daego? Look - college lacrosse teammate fruits of society, you must be prepared to defend it." - former roommate Context: I dropped the gloves during a game but was pulled away at the last moment. Wish I at this g----." - standup comedian Context: idk I thought it was funny 4/22/19 "I need you to think positive. I need you to surrender your fear." - college rowing teammate and mentor "Want one? It's OxyContin." - rowing teammate Context: needed advice for an upcoming test 8/26/18 "Look at you. You're not big, but you're a fighter." - college rowing coach Context: a compliment (1 was the smallest guy on the team) 8/29/17 "I set up deck chairs on a beach all summer. It was a real easy job. I got a shirt. I'm not rowing this year." - rowing teammate Context: I didn't know it at the time, but this was goodbye. He was one of my best friends for a year then never saw him again 12/13/21 "Chlamydia isn't a big deal. Everyone gets it." - my Colorado friend Context: comforting me before an STI test (I was clean, surprisingly) 1/31/14 "I've got money on you, [Perpetual Hillman!]" - my high school Civics teacher Context: I was competing in a charity basketball game and he bet on mei A few years later, he was fired for having pictures of teenage girls on his phone 1/14/17 10/2/17 Context: I was at my first college rowing party and he held out a handful of pills "You're a man, remember that. Go out there and hit the footboards like you hit the woman." - college rowing coach Context: pep talk 4/25/20 "The path down is precipitous; it is our punishment for daring to look God in His eye." - best friend Context: it was our first time tripping acid together and he got pretty philosophical about it 2/27/22 "I'm in going to stay until the mission is done. I'm going to smoke some Russkies." - ex- Marine entering Ukraine Context: met him in Poland and urged him not to enter Ukraine. He did. Context: he and I made a pact to enlist in the Navy together if the US went to war with Iran 4/28/17 "Why should I have to take finals? ISIS doesn't have to." - ROTC floormate get into the field 3/22/16 "Even these chairs are pieces of history. We have to send them to get restored often. They're from 1921. You're sitting in one." - State Senate staffer Context: I was on a lobbying trip to the state capital for the school and I felt woefully underprepared Context: we were studying classmate for finals but he just wanted to 3/30/23 "Stop meditating and start drinking." - my Colorado friend Context: I was sitting in my Nebraska hotel room reading Meditations and he wanted to go out 5/23/22 "Пятьсот доллар для снимает. [$500 US to film here]." - Ukrainian gopnik outside of restricted area Context: I told him I had nothing and he let me enter anyway; I was still terrified 9/9/19 "If I could give a person of your age my advice, it would be this: grab your dreams by the neck because soon, this door will close. my Brazilian coworker Context: he had just had a kid and he felt like his youth had disappeared - he warned me not to do the same 1/28/21 "Say, are you in that game- stock thing?" - my grandpa Context: height of the GME hype + geriatric misunderstanding 7/29/16 "Preserve the Union. Your generation lacks the patriotism and constitutional deification mine held so dear." - my grandpa Context: I told him I just got laid 8/11/19 "I may be twenty on the books, but I'm twenty-three in New Jersey." - family friend/concubus Context: I asked him for advice on how to be a politician 10/27/19 "You damn white folk don't know respect. That's why we have to teach it to you. It's in your DNA, you were born without respect. Damn whiteys." - random lady at goodwill Context: accidentally walked into a woman, she went off. First and only time I've had racial slurs levied against me. Context: he was showing off his fake ID 11/13/15 "The French didn't have our backs on 9/11, so why should we have theirs?" - ROTC floormate Context: we were watching coverage of the Paris attacks as a floor and he didn't have much sympathy for the French 10/2/21 "You look kinda dark. What are "Once more into the breach, dear friend." - Context: it was our senior year and we were about to take our last final, it was an endearing sentiment 4/11/14 "Oh, I thought the Jewish thing was a joke..." - lacrosse teammate Context: I was the only Jewish kid in the high school and it was such a rarity that many didn't believe it 11/29/16 "You're a dedicated kid and a hard worker. You actually give a s---. There'll be an interview, but I see no reason you can't become my.... what did you call it? Apprentice - finance chair of college professional frat Context: I admired him and I kissed ass very, very hard 2/10/23 "You don't make enough. You make a boy's wage. That's a wage for a 17- year-old." - Taco restaurant server Context: I asked if they were hiring and told him how much I make ($10.25/hr) 8/4/21 "My wife said if I get three goals, she'll buy me ice cream and give me head. Please, [Perpetual Hillman], help me get ice cream and dome." - rec lacrosse league captain Context: he did get his three goals ;) 1/13/18 9/4/18 "The booty gods have blessed you." "You're the kind of kid health Moroccan pizza shop cashier class warned me about." - former friend 2/21/20 "Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score." - former roommate Context: trying to convince me to flirt with a taken girl Context: he witnessed my degeneracy on parade 4/19/18 "A man shouldn't go ten seconds without thinking of fat p----." - college rowing coach Context: he was trying to demonstrate a concept through allegory 8/8/21 "I'm gonna find that nig*er and kill him." - my current Context: a black landlord man tried to break in and my landlord went on the warpath 7/17/16 "I see Jehovah's light in you, God bless you." - homeless Context: gave him two dollars man 4/6/18 "Any non-Jewish girl is not worth your time. She will lead you to heartbreak." - my Rabbi Context: advising me on how to date within my ethnicity 1/4/20 "I hate Iran! I am from Saudi Arabia, number-one ally of the USA." - guy at bar Context: height of the 2020 Iran crisis 5/8/14 "Way to take it like a man!" - high school lacrosse coach Context: I sacrificed myself to a hit for a teammate, allowing him to get a goal, and my coach was proud 4/6/21 "You need to have a woman to make you happy." - my grandpa Context: he saw I was lonely and he grew up in an age where dating was comparatively easy 4/23/17 "Rowing will always be there, but this is real life. This is work. And if you row while you work, your work will suffer." - Mom Context: I had just gotten my first summer internship and she didn't want me to be distracted 8/29/15 "Who do you know here? Ten dollars from each of you." - frat boy Context: I was trying to get into my first frat party of college 5/5/21 "You walk into a room and give off bad vibes. You look like a school shooter or a p--------." - best friend's girlfriend Context: women Context: standing in front of my rowing machine and urging me to go faster 8/23/19 "You were the dude who sold smelling salts at parties last year! You're a living legend!" - college sophomore Context: he was latching onto a...defunct reputation of mine 8/8/20 "Take off your mask. No masks in my house." - Census respondent 10/10/17 "May Jesus circumcise your Jewish heart." - street Context: COVID fear overrated, based missionary Context: a very tired evangelist said something off-color to me 12/7/15 "Praise Jesus for this drink! Praise him!" - random black lady giving out coffee Context: church tables give out stuff. Sometimes they have stipulations 3/14/18 "Have you ever wrapped Tefillin? The act of wrapping this cord, bound by two Torah scrolls, brings us closer to God, and absolves us of moral weakness." - my Rabbi Context: wrapping teffilin for the first time 2/18/22 "Ты мужчина, а не женщина. Ты в церков, а не цирк. [You're a man, not a woman. You're in a church, not a circus.]" - angry Ukrainian man Context: I wore my hat into church. 5/7/19 "Don't you dare besmirch the name of my father!" - college rowing captain Context: he was an ntitled trust fund boy, and I made a joke that he wouldn't be on the team if not for his puhpah's inheritance 2/29/16 "The last thing the feminists want is for you to succeed. Keep your head down and work hard. and they'll be infuriated at you just for existing." - Milo Yiannoupolis Context: I met Milo Yiannoupolis and this was his advice for me 5/1/18 "Do what you want, but don't buy weed from the nig*ers." - Czech hotel guest 1/12/18 10/3/17 "Good! Imagine that you have a million "Oh God, they're going to blame us dollars and naked girls with champagne all and then take our guns." - best are awaiting you!" - college rowing coach friend on college rowing team Context: at 6 Context: it was my first night in the Czech Republic and I asked what there was to do around here 2/21/22 "These people come cheap. I can pay them a tenth of the wages of an unskilled Mexican laborer in California." - American expat in Ukraine Context: Ukraine is insanely cheap. Hotel room for $8 and steak dinner. for $4. 11/4/21 "Guns are so sexy, so misunderstood." - Cedar Point coworker Context: we were at a shooting range and the smell of gunpowder was making him hard AM practice, news had just broke about the Las Vegas shooting 9/6/19 "Come out! There are ten drunk girls. coming here in five minutes. They're for us. It's our lucky night!" - former Context: he was somewhat roommate attractive and very charismatic and had a ton of female groupies 8/30/19 "C'mon, let's go sell alcohol to children." - former roommate Context: it really is too easy to sell watered-down crown russe for 10x profit margins](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/002/570/309/754.jpg "A tremendous advantage to having a 2.2-million word journal is that I write down lots of dialogue as it happens, preserving it forever. This enables me to create a compass such as this one, my largest-ever: 12x10 wojak compass of 'things people have said")
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