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New alt history timeline just dropped, hope they add lore soon | History Memes
Uploaded by Reddit Moments Aug 18, 2023 at 10:22AM EDT
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![PIRATES ACCORDING TO FICTION Yarr-harr! Avast, me hearties! ye be a fool to dare try an' stop me from making my voyage to Femur Island in order to bury me treasure chest filled with a lifetime's worth of gold! I aughta make you an' yer kin walk the plank! So bet it then, ye stiff-lipped landlubber! Have at ye! "Before he entered upon his new adventures, he married a young woman of about sixteen years of age, the governor himself performing the ceremony. It was reported that this was only his fourteenth wife, about twelve of whom were yet alive; And, though this woman was young and amiable, he physically and verbally behaved towards her in a manner so brutal, that was shocking to all decency and propriety, even among the abandoned race of pirates." "...upon hearing what a Prize had escap'd him, he rav'd like a Fury, swore a thousand Oaths, and ordered the Captain's Lips to be cut off, which he broil'd before his Face, and afterwards murthered him and all the Crew, being thirty two Persons." *clang!* PIRATES ACCORDING TO REAL-WORLD HISTORY "The Colonel was very much abused and wounded, for endeavouring to save a poor woman, that was also a passenger, from the insults of that brutish crew; and the Pyrates prevailing, twenty one of them forced themselves upon the poor creature successively, afterwards broke her spine and flung her into the Sea." "He would cut open the stomach of his victim, extract one end of his guts, nail it to a post, then force the man to dance to his death by beating his backside with a burning log." *clang!* "Among other tortures... one was to stretch their limbs with cords, and at the same time beat them with sticks and other instruments. Others had burning matches placed betwixt their fingers, which were thus burnt alive. Others had slender cords or matches twisted about their heads, till their eyes burst out of the skull." N-not so fast, you accursed yet honorable thief! That gold treasure was stolen from ships belonging to Her Majesty, and thus it is my duty to take it back, after having a 20-minute sword duel with you atop this ship's mast! That, and it'll totally woo over the daughter of the Admiral who sent me here... *sssshhhhing!* Foul, rum-drunk scoundrel! "This ship lay in the Road [shallow water near a port], almost slaved, when the pirates came in, and the Commander being on shore, settling his accounts, was sent to for the ransom, but he excused it, as having no orders from the owners; though the true reason might be, that he thought it dishonourable to treat with robbers; and that the Ship, separate from the Slaves, towards whom he could mistrust no cruelty, was not worth the Sum demanded; hereupon, Roberts sends the Boat to transport the Negroes, in order to set her on Fire; but being in hast, and finding that unshackling them cost [too] much Time and Labour, they actually set her on Fire, with eighty of those poor Wretches on board, chained two and two together, under the miserable choice of perishing by fire or water: Those who jumped overboard from the flames, were seized by Sharks, a voracious fish, in plenty in this Road, and, in their sight, tore limb from limb alive. A cruelty unparalell'd!" "He drew his cutlass, and with it cut open the breast of one of those poor Spanish, and pulling out his heart with his sacrilegious hands, began to bite and gnaw it with his teeth, like a ravenous wolf, saying to the rest: I will serve you all alike, if you show me not another way. " "Prior to our leaving the schooner, the thermometer was above ninety degrees in the shade, and the poor fellow was now exposed naked to the full heat of the sun. In this state we took him to the channel, one side of which was bordered by swamps full of mangrove trees, and swarming with the venomous insects before mentioned. We had scarcely been half an hour in this place when the miserable victim was distracted with pain; his body began to swell, and he appeared one complete blister from head to foot. Often in the agony of his torments did he implore them to end his existence and release him from his misery; but the inhuman wretches only imitated his cries, and mocked and laughed at him. In a very short time, from the effects of the solar heat and the stings of the mosquitoes and sandflies, his face had become so swollen that not a feature was distinguishable; his voice began to fail, & his articulation was no longer distinct."](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/002/643/698/d60.png "This is what happens when you romanticize criminals | History Memes")
Don’t quite know if it fits here but when I’m doubt take the hospitaller out | History Memes
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"We fired our cannon 'til the barrel melted down, So we grabbed an alligator and we fought another round. We filled his head with cannon balls and powdered his behind, And when we touched the powder off, the gator lost his mind." | History Memes
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Winston Churchill's less less than stellar treatment of the 1914 Shackleton Antarctic Expedition | History Memes
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History Memes - New alt history timeline just dropped, hope they add lore soon | History Memes
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Uploaded Aug 18, 2023 at 10:22AM EDT
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