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Anon gets some bitches | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)02:40:36 No.874756441 >>874716800 >Go to the funeral of a little a------ 16yo kid I sold weed to >Mack on the cutest girl there >Turns out it's his sister >Tell her we were best friends >"I never knew he had a close guy friend" >Subtly grills me and I guess I pass the test >Get her number and we start meeting up >Weekly meet-ups become almost daily hanging out >In way too deep, made literal years worth of stories about me and her brother >Been dating 2.5yrs now >Keep a notebook of all the stories l've told so I can keep it straight >Wrote it in a way that it would just look like a journal if she found it >We almost don't talk about him nowadays Parker, if only you knew how much of a freak your sister is, you little f-----.
: Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)02:40:36 No.874756441 >>874716800 >Go to the funeral of a little a------ 16yo kid I sold weed to >Mack on the cutest girl there >Turns out it's his sister >Tell her we were best friends >"I never knew he had a close guy friend" >Subtly grills me and I guess I pass the test >Get her number and we start meeting up >Weekly meet-ups become almost daily hanging out >In way too deep, made literal years worth of stories about me and her brother >Been dating 2.5yrs now >Keep a notebook of all the stories l've told so I can keep it straight >Wrote it in a way that it would just look like a journal if she found it >We almost don't talk about him nowadays Parker, if only you knew how much of a freak your sister is, you little f-----.

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Anon interacts with npcs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)00:09:50 No.67850292 >at the store >go pay for my articles >say Hello how are you? to the cashier >she doesn't reply >scan my items >doesn't tell me the price 994 KB JPG >doesn't ask how I am going to pay >she just look away >gets my money out and pay >leave and tell her 'have a good day' >no reply >go home : Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)00:14:51 No.67850342 >>67850292 (OP) # just start f------ shoplifting at that point >>67850386 # : Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)00:19:02 No.67850386 >>67850342 # is that why people shoplift?
: Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)00:09:50 No.67850292 >at the store >go pay for my articles >say Hello how are you? to the cashier >she doesn't reply >scan my items >doesn't tell me the price 994 KB JPG >doesn't ask how I am going to pay >she just look away >gets my money out and pay >leave and tell her 'have a good day' >no reply >go home : Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)00:14:51 No.67850342 >>67850292 (OP) # just start f------ shoplifting at that point >>67850386 # : Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)00:19:02 No.67850386 >>67850342 # is that why people shoplift?

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Anon has a realisation | /r/Greentext

File: monkas.png (211 KB, 1200x675) Anonymous 12/16/18(Sun)21:34:11 No.787503440 ITT: When your realised you were retarded >be me >10 years old >on holiday with family >we have a trailer tent >chillin in my bed >rumbleinthejungle.jpeg >haul ass to the camp sites toilets >the door to the only stall is locked >can't be bothered looking to see if someone's in there. >decide to s--- in urinal >at least 6 inch log >for some reason I decide to pick up the log and throw it over the stall door >hear someone in the stall shout "THE F---" >hear him fall off the toilet >run away >mfw >> O Anonymous 12/16/18(Sun)21:35:32 No.787503509 >>787503440 (OP) Imao This is why we shouldn't euthanize tards, humanity needs the comedic relief.
File: monkas.png (211 KB, 1200x675) Anonymous 12/16/18(Sun)21:34:11 No.787503440 ITT: When your realised you were retarded >be me >10 years old >on holiday with family >we have a trailer tent >chillin in my bed >rumbleinthejungle.jpeg >haul ass to the camp sites toilets >the door to the only stall is locked >can't be bothered looking to see if someone's in there. >decide to s--- in urinal >at least 6 inch log >for some reason I decide to pick up the log and throw it over the stall door >hear someone in the stall shout "THE F---" >hear him fall off the toilet >run away >mfw >> O Anonymous 12/16/18(Sun)21:35:32 No.787503509 >>787503440 (OP) Imao This is why we shouldn't euthanize tards, humanity needs the comedic relief.

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Anon is an artist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/04/22(Fri)22:33:24 No.873821562 164070951857.jpg 172 KB JPG Alright /b/, I made my first Mickey Mouse toy, how does it look? (Yeah, it was a real rat)
: Anonymous 03/04/22(Fri)22:33:24 No.873821562 164070951857.jpg 172 KB JPG Alright /b/, I made my first Mickey Mouse toy, how does it look? (Yeah, it was a real rat)

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Anon pledges a vow of silence | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)10:05:18 No.872717870 >be me >high school >notice I haven't said a word in the first week >idea.docx >what if I pledge a vow of silence for the whole semester 21 KB JPG >actually commit >ffw a year >selective mutism >crippling social anxiety >art teacher thought I had autism
: Anonymous 02/15/22(Tue)10:05:18 No.872717870 >be me >high school >notice I haven't said a word in the first week >idea.docx >what if I pledge a vow of silence for the whole semester 21 KB JPG >actually commit >ffw a year >selective mutism >crippling social anxiety >art teacher thought I had autism

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Anon has allergies | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 67852442 5 min. ago •.. >Go to hospital to discuss septum surgery with my mom and gp >Doctor asks if I have any allergies >No >Mom chimes in >Of course you have allergies anon, why else are there so many tissues in your 174.6 kB PNG room >Mom remains clueless He f------ laughed he knew 2 REPLIES O IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 67852442 5 min. ago •.. >Go to hospital to discuss septum surgery with my mom and gp >Doctor asks if I have any allergies >No >Mom chimes in >Of course you have allergies anon, why else are there so many tissues in your 174.6 kB PNG room >Mom remains clueless He f------ laughed he knew 2 REPLIES O IMAGES REPLY

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Anon doesn't know what to do | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous i am a good person 06/10/19(Mon)21:52:18 No.52849891 >parents out for a week on vacation >17 year old little sister and her cute friend are having a weekend long sleepover >Little sister gone out to buy some stuff, her friend's sleeping 139 KB JPG >l could easily r--- her friend at any moment but I'm not it's so hard bros why am i such a moralfag : Anonymous 06/10/19(Mon)21:55:24 No.52849926 >>52849891 (OP) # why don't you just try flirting instead 90 KB JPG >>52849935 #
: Anonymous i am a good person 06/10/19(Mon)21:52:18 No.52849891 >parents out for a week on vacation >17 year old little sister and her cute friend are having a weekend long sleepover >Little sister gone out to buy some stuff, her friend's sleeping 139 KB JPG >l could easily r--- her friend at any moment but I'm not it's so hard bros why am i such a moralfag : Anonymous 06/10/19(Mon)21:55:24 No.52849926 >>52849891 (OP) # why don't you just try flirting instead 90 KB JPG >>52849935 #

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Anon has a gaming realization | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/05/21(Sun)23:52:00 No.2503563 >casually walks into someone's house with a gun >starts harassing the owner 118 KB JPG >babbles in a language he doesn't understand >immediately shoots him in the head when he grabs a hatchet for self-defense >"he isn't a zombie" >"there was a hostile local, I had to neutralize him" Leon was pretty much a d------- here, wasn't he
: Anonymous 09/05/21(Sun)23:52:00 No.2503563 >casually walks into someone's house with a gun >starts harassing the owner 118 KB JPG >babbles in a language he doesn't understand >immediately shoots him in the head when he grabs a hatchet for self-defense >"he isn't a zombie" >"there was a hostile local, I had to neutralize him" Leon was pretty much a d------- here, wasn't he

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F for anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/05/19(Tue)11:06:01 No.794216180 Let's write a story one line at a time, I'll start >be me 35 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/05/19(Tue)11:06:39 No.794216218 >be f----- : Anonymous 03/05/19(Tue)11:07:02 No.794216236 -The end
: Anonymous 03/05/19(Tue)11:06:01 No.794216180 Let's write a story one line at a time, I'll start >be me 35 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/05/19(Tue)11:06:39 No.794216218 >be f----- : Anonymous 03/05/19(Tue)11:07:02 No.794216236 -The end

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Night shift of the living dead | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 2 09/30/21(Thu)08:47:41 No.152667226 >be American >do 10+ hours of unpaid overtime every week and skip their lunchbreaks I havedtoimely no idsa >instead of turning against the company that makes them do these things they instead brag about what 179 KB PNG hard workers they are Why do they do this? I'm seeing it seep into Australian culture too and I don't like it.
: Anonymous 2 09/30/21(Thu)08:47:41 No.152667226 >be American >do 10+ hours of unpaid overtime every week and skip their lunchbreaks I havedtoimely no idsa >instead of turning against the company that makes them do these things they instead brag about what 179 KB PNG hard workers they are Why do they do this? I'm seeing it seep into Australian culture too and I don't like it.

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the effects of 4chan revealed | /r/Greentext

>Hear about this 4chan site from r/greentext >Type up 4chan into search bar >click link >Suddenly feel myself getting larger >Expanding >Look at fingers, they look like sausages >Start to weigh 600 pounds 168 KB JPG >My room starts to warp >10 jars of piss surface >Jar surfaces with Rainbow Dash from mlp filled to the brim with coom >Anime body pillow surfaces too >Look outside to take my mind off of this, dont want to see anything else >See black person >Suddenly yell at him and call him a dirty n----- >quickly place hand over mouth >He looks at me and runs off >return to bedroom >Yell for mom to make Tendies >"I have never said that before" I think to myself > Make my way to door, pain >Mom opens door >"Anon, whats going on in here?!" >Suddenly lose control over vocal chords >Yell at her to make me tendies while doing a chicken dance >Mom curses under breathe and tells me we have to go to doctor >Suddenly start REEing >It's so loud >Unsheathe katana from fat rolls >Ohgodno >Decapitate mom >Roll onto back in my own c-- >Kill myself with katana >Thanks 4chan
>Hear about this 4chan site from r/greentext >Type up 4chan into search bar >click link >Suddenly feel myself getting larger >Expanding >Look at fingers, they look like sausages >Start to weigh 600 pounds 168 KB JPG >My room starts to warp >10 jars of piss surface >Jar surfaces with Rainbow Dash from mlp filled to the brim with coom >Anime body pillow surfaces too >Look outside to take my mind off of this, dont want to see anything else >See black person >Suddenly yell at him and call him a dirty n----- >quickly place hand over mouth >He looks at me and runs off >return to bedroom >Yell for mom to make Tendies >"I have never said that before" I think to myself > Make my way to door, pain >Mom opens door >"Anon, whats going on in here?!" >Suddenly lose control over vocal chords >Yell at her to make me tendies while doing a chicken dance >Mom curses under breathe and tells me we have to go to doctor >Suddenly start REEing >It's so loud >Unsheathe katana from fat rolls >Ohgodno >Decapitate mom >Roll onto back in my own c-- >Kill myself with katana >Thanks 4chan

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Anon thinks about traswoman winning female swimming championship | /r/Greentext

Anonymous File: zeke.jpg (12 KB, 215x235) >Feminists fought for women to have a place in sports >50 years later >Actívists claim feminism should be inclusive >Feminism becomes about queer theory, race and intersectionalism >A transwoman beats a biological woman at sports >Biological women that lost will miss the chance further their sports career >Feminists now have to defend men taking opportunities from women in sports You can't make this s--- up
Anonymous File: zeke.jpg (12 KB, 215x235) >Feminists fought for women to have a place in sports >50 years later >Actívists claim feminism should be inclusive >Feminism becomes about queer theory, race and intersectionalism >A transwoman beats a biological woman at sports >Biological women that lost will miss the chance further their sports career >Feminists now have to defend men taking opportunities from women in sports You can't make this s--- up

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Anon is inexperienced | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/16/20(Sun)07:23:22 No.56974348 Imao I used to think that women 'didn't like sex' because my gf was never into sex and never wanted it. Of course she cheated on me with chad and I found out I was doing multiple things wrong in bed 9 KB PNG >l assumed the clitoris was like a button, so instead of rubbing it, I held it down firmly in place, I thought when it was held down it caused pleasure like a car pedal or something >l assumed she enjoyed it when I trimmed her nose hair during sex because when you pull a nose hair it makes your eyes water so I thought it was a pleasure zone >l assumed that threatening to s--- the bed during sex was erotic because it made her feel dominated >l bought a really long rope, tied my feet to the washing machine door (the rope was ong enough to stretch from kitchen to bathroom), and during sex would pull my leg and say 'the washing machine is pulling me in! f--- me before i go for a spin!"
: Anonymous 08/16/20(Sun)07:23:22 No.56974348 Imao I used to think that women 'didn't like sex' because my gf was never into sex and never wanted it. Of course she cheated on me with chad and I found out I was doing multiple things wrong in bed 9 KB PNG >l assumed the clitoris was like a button, so instead of rubbing it, I held it down firmly in place, I thought when it was held down it caused pleasure like a car pedal or something >l assumed she enjoyed it when I trimmed her nose hair during sex because when you pull a nose hair it makes your eyes water so I thought it was a pleasure zone >l assumed that threatening to s--- the bed during sex was erotic because it made her feel dominated >l bought a really long rope, tied my feet to the washing machine door (the rope was ong enough to stretch from kitchen to bathroom), and during sex would pull my leg and say 'the washing machine is pulling me in! f--- me before i go for a spin!"

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anon has a breakhtrough | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/22(Fri)00:17:38 No.874637571 how can we get sharks hooked on meth? 63 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/18/22(Fri)00:17:38 No.874637571 how can we get sharks hooked on meth? 63 KB JPG

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Anon goes to Walmart | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/16/21(Thu)04:45:08 No.863192613 School recently closed all except 2 A of the bathrooms because of the stupid tik tok s--- >be senior in high school p----- off about the bathrooms >yesterday I drive out to a local asian make your own stir fry restaurant after school (seniors get off two hours 136 KB PNG earlier than underclassmen and can come back to just hang out or whatever) >make a bowl that contains ingredients and sauce that will produce the foul s--- the human digestive system can produce >go to the walmart nearby and pick up a bottle of milk (lactose intolerant) >drive back to school >head to the unlocked bathroom >chug the milk all in one go >l sweat in pain as I push out what feels like viscous streams of molten lava as I blow a mt st helens in this toilet >as I recover, the other two waiting in line vacate themselves from the bathroom >I flush the putrid waste knowing damn well it won't go down >the bell rings as the hallway begins to smell like a chain of a--- bead shaped garlic is ripped from Wario's unshaven a------ They may lock up our bathrooms, but they'll never lock up our spirit
: Anonymous 09/16/21(Thu)04:45:08 No.863192613 School recently closed all except 2 A of the bathrooms because of the stupid tik tok s--- >be senior in high school p----- off about the bathrooms >yesterday I drive out to a local asian make your own stir fry restaurant after school (seniors get off two hours 136 KB PNG earlier than underclassmen and can come back to just hang out or whatever) >make a bowl that contains ingredients and sauce that will produce the foul s--- the human digestive system can produce >go to the walmart nearby and pick up a bottle of milk (lactose intolerant) >drive back to school >head to the unlocked bathroom >chug the milk all in one go >l sweat in pain as I push out what feels like viscous streams of molten lava as I blow a mt st helens in this toilet >as I recover, the other two waiting in line vacate themselves from the bathroom >I flush the putrid waste knowing damn well it won't go down >the bell rings as the hallway begins to smell like a chain of a--- bead shaped garlic is ripped from Wario's unshaven a------ They may lock up our bathrooms, but they'll never lock up our spirit

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Anon has an unpopular opinion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/10/21 (Mon)12:17:38 No.854094226 >go on reddit >unpopular opinion subreddit >give unpopular opinion >downvoted how do these retards function 15 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/10/21 (Mon)12:17:38 No.854094226 >go on reddit >unpopular opinion subreddit >give unpopular opinion >downvoted how do these retards function 15 KB JPG

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Anon has anxiety | /r/Greentext

A true story from my youth >be me >extremely depressed with crippling anxiety >finally decide to end it all >take lots of Xanax and wash it 25 KB PNG down with a handle >pass the f--- out >parents find me and rush me to hospital >unfortunately the doctor saves me >two cops come into room and ask me to take drug test >walk to bathroom with dad, qt nurse, and two cops >still extremely intoxicated >me to nurse "can you jack me off?" >dad in shock "did he really just say that?" >nurse "yes" >l don't hear my dad and I think the nurse said yes to my question >turn back to dad and say "later virgin" >mfw I called my dad a virgin
A true story from my youth >be me >extremely depressed with crippling anxiety >finally decide to end it all >take lots of Xanax and wash it 25 KB PNG down with a handle >pass the f--- out >parents find me and rush me to hospital >unfortunately the doctor saves me >two cops come into room and ask me to take drug test >walk to bathroom with dad, qt nurse, and two cops >still extremely intoxicated >me to nurse "can you jack me off?" >dad in shock "did he really just say that?" >nurse "yes" >l don't hear my dad and I think the nurse said yes to my question >turn back to dad and say "later virgin" >mfw I called my dad a virgin

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Anon plays red dead redemption 2 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)21:58:56 No.789916764 >Be me >Been playing red dead 2 all day everyday for a week straight >Had to actually leave the house for groceries etc (I live at college so I actually have to do things for myself) > Decide to try to be more like Arthur Morgan 48 KB JPG >About to walk past a guy in the street, will say the first cowboy-ish thing that comes to my head when I pass him >Approach him >"Hey sexy" What the f---
: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)21:58:56 No.789916764 >Be me >Been playing red dead 2 all day everyday for a week straight >Had to actually leave the house for groceries etc (I live at college so I actually have to do things for myself) > Decide to try to be more like Arthur Morgan 48 KB JPG >About to walk past a guy in the street, will say the first cowboy-ish thing that comes to my head when I pass him >Approach him >"Hey sexy" What the f---

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anon has magic weed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/25/17(Tue)11:59:06 No.740046744 >be me >smokin some of that giggle bush >super high, dont realize that the smoke has drifted under the door of the apt >neighbors call police >wth 74 KB JPG >police knock, I open door Hello sir. We received a call about you smoking cannabis. I can smell it already, so just come with me Anon. >mind races No officer, this is a magic bag of weed. >he steps in, asks Now how tf is that? >start explaining Officer, when I try to get rid of it, it just reappears in my pocket. I'll prove it! >he gets the face, pic related >bring him to bathroom Watch >throw bag in toilet, flush, then do nothing >he looks around confused Where are the drugs Anon? >mfw it worked What drugs?
: Anonymous 07/25/17(Tue)11:59:06 No.740046744 >be me >smokin some of that giggle bush >super high, dont realize that the smoke has drifted under the door of the apt >neighbors call police >wth 74 KB JPG >police knock, I open door Hello sir. We received a call about you smoking cannabis. I can smell it already, so just come with me Anon. >mind races No officer, this is a magic bag of weed. >he steps in, asks Now how tf is that? >start explaining Officer, when I try to get rid of it, it just reappears in my pocket. I'll prove it! >he gets the face, pic related >bring him to bathroom Watch >throw bag in toilet, flush, then do nothing >he looks around confused Where are the drugs Anon? >mfw it worked What drugs?

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Anon is European | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/19/22(Sat)02:54:52 No.874698484 I don't really care about the politics or the Ukrainians, but Ukraine is one of the only places with chernozem soil which is the best soil in the world, and I keep thinking about how much of it is going to be lost or contaminated by Putin during the invasion. Why is anyone okay with that? 87 KB JPG Are they just ignorant? Anyone who threatens such perfect soil should be shot immediately. 31 Replies / 3 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 03/19/22(Sat)02:54:52 No.874698484 I don't really care about the politics or the Ukrainians, but Ukraine is one of the only places with chernozem soil which is the best soil in the world, and I keep thinking about how much of it is going to be lost or contaminated by Putin during the invasion. Why is anyone okay with that? 87 KB JPG Are they just ignorant? Anyone who threatens such perfect soil should be shot immediately. 31 Replies / 3 Images View Thread

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