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Anon is stupid | /r/Greentext

File: fml.gif (43 KB, 640x636) Anonymous 06/04/24(Tue)02:52:31 No.77717970 [Reply] >>77717995 >>77718032 I'm tired of jacking off I just want to lose my virginity and get it over with but I don't want an STD, unwanted child, or undercover glownigger busting me for paying an escort Anonymous 06/04/24(Tue)02:56:14 No.77717995 File: Boomer Sips.jpg (80 KB, 680x661) >>77717970 (OP) Well tough s---, bucko. If you want a greater reward, you gotta take a bigger risk. That's just life. Anonymous 06/04/24(Tue)03:02:32 No.77718032 >>77717970 (OP) >download hinge >bite the hardest bullet and pay for the premium or whatever so you can sort for short term relationship women >match with them >??? >lose virginity
File: fml.gif (43 KB, 640x636) Anonymous 06/04/24(Tue)02:52:31 No.77717970 [Reply] >>77717995 >>77718032 I'm tired of jacking off I just want to lose my virginity and get it over with but I don't want an STD, unwanted child, or undercover glownigger busting me for paying an escort Anonymous 06/04/24(Tue)02:56:14 No.77717995 File: Boomer Sips.jpg (80 KB, 680x661) >>77717970 (OP) Well tough s---, bucko. If you want a greater reward, you gotta take a bigger risk. That's just life. Anonymous 06/04/24(Tue)03:02:32 No.77718032 >>77717970 (OP) >download hinge >bite the hardest bullet and pay for the premium or whatever so you can sort for short term relationship women >match with them >??? >lose virginity

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Anon posts fefe | /r/Greentext

File: 7d2.jpg (89 KB, 821x662) Anonymous 06/04/24(Tue)02:08:05 No.919361670 >Posts fefe >Collects internet points Why are Redditors so stupid?
File: 7d2.jpg (89 KB, 821x662) Anonymous 06/04/24(Tue)02:08:05 No.919361670 >Posts fefe >Collects internet points Why are Redditors so stupid?

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Anon fucked up his chances | /r/Greentext

File: tard.jpg (12 KB, 380x430) Anonymous 08/14/18(Tue)00:57:40 No.47485357 [Reply] >be me in 8th grade >there's a 9/10 qt that I share a lot of classes with >kinda have a crush on her but not sure if she has boyfriend >she's really nice and we get along well >jokes I'm the only nice guy at school >tells me I look like a character from a show she likes >one day writes "I <3 U" on my desk >I just erase it >she asks why I erased her display of affection >"it's vandalism" >never talk to her again >probably the most autistic thing I've ever done How bad did I f--- up?
File: tard.jpg (12 KB, 380x430) Anonymous 08/14/18(Tue)00:57:40 No.47485357 [Reply] >be me in 8th grade >there's a 9/10 qt that I share a lot of classes with >kinda have a crush on her but not sure if she has boyfriend >she's really nice and we get along well >jokes I'm the only nice guy at school >tells me I look like a character from a show she likes >one day writes "I <3 U" on my desk >I just erase it >she asks why I erased her display of affection >"it's vandalism" >never talk to her again >probably the most autistic thing I've ever done How bad did I f--- up?

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Anon fixes TF2 | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Operation Magnetic Mayhem June 3, 2024 - TF2 Team 06/03/24(Mon)23:26:09 No.678533460 Operation magnetic mayhem NBTS (Image credit: MN, Alox) It's a beautiful day outside. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming. But it is never time to rest! A cloud cover has blocked out the sun, and a blight has overtaken our facilities. But by facilities, we mean Gray Gravel Co. and by blight, we mean massive hordes of robots! bppix1509f4d1[1].png 318 KB PNG >redditors and youtube lardlords start a retarded hashtag because bots have overrun their 2 decade old game >the retards start review bombing the game and spamming their s----- petition everywhere >valve's response is literally: >go outside >play the gamemode where you fight hordes of bots >support the national brain tumor society gaben, maybe i was too harsh on you. these are unfathomable levels of based.
Anonymous Operation Magnetic Mayhem June 3, 2024 - TF2 Team 06/03/24(Mon)23:26:09 No.678533460 Operation magnetic mayhem NBTS (Image credit: MN, Alox) It's a beautiful day outside. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming. But it is never time to rest! A cloud cover has blocked out the sun, and a blight has overtaken our facilities. But by facilities, we mean Gray Gravel Co. and by blight, we mean massive hordes of robots! bppix1509f4d1[1].png 318 KB PNG >redditors and youtube lardlords start a retarded hashtag because bots have overrun their 2 decade old game >the retards start review bombing the game and spamming their s----- petition everywhere >valve's response is literally: >go outside >play the gamemode where you fight hordes of bots >support the national brain tumor society gaben, maybe i was too harsh on you. these are unfathomable levels of based.

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Nuggies for the Nerd | /r/Greentext

Anonymous M 3 KB PNG 02/06/22(Sun)12:29:27 No.872178039 I still think about this to this day and wonder if I am a loser >5 years ago >play tennis in high school >junior year >we finished up a match >coach says we're going to go to McDonald's >arrive there >everyone buys burgers or fillets >order 10 piece mcnuggets >chadfag asks what I ordered >"uhh... I bought mcnuggets" >he starts laughing his ass off >"HEY GUYS, ANON BOUGHT MCNUGGETS" >whole team starts laughing at me >start crying I don't understand it, what is so wrong with ordering mcnuggets? Am I a f------ loser for this?
Anonymous M 3 KB PNG 02/06/22(Sun)12:29:27 No.872178039 I still think about this to this day and wonder if I am a loser >5 years ago >play tennis in high school >junior year >we finished up a match >coach says we're going to go to McDonald's >arrive there >everyone buys burgers or fillets >order 10 piece mcnuggets >chadfag asks what I ordered >"uhh... I bought mcnuggets" >he starts laughing his ass off >"HEY GUYS, ANON BOUGHT MCNUGGETS" >whole team starts laughing at me >start crying I don't understand it, what is so wrong with ordering mcnuggets? Am I a f------ loser for this?

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Anon is a lab rat | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 70 KB JPG 06/03/24(Mon)21:53:53 No.919350173 >be me >Partake in study on pain tolerance that's meant to determine if men or women tolerate pain better >They send an electric current through my finger and I have to report from a scale of 1 to 10 >"0" >They turn up the voltage >"0" >They turn it up again >"0" >They get flustered and tell me they can tell I'm in pain by my pulse body temp and blood pressure readings >"0"
Anonymous 70 KB JPG 06/03/24(Mon)21:53:53 No.919350173 >be me >Partake in study on pain tolerance that's meant to determine if men or women tolerate pain better >They send an electric current through my finger and I have to report from a scale of 1 to 10 >"0" >They turn up the voltage >"0" >They turn it up again >"0" >They get flustered and tell me they can tell I'm in pain by my pulse body temp and blood pressure readings >"0"

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Anon watches The Lion King | /r/Greentext

File: Scar Vs Simba.jpg (17 KB, 655x467) ☐ Anonymous 06/03/24(Mon)23:12:57 No.919340318 > How the f--- did Scar lose this fight? > Was he even trying?
File: Scar Vs Simba.jpg (17 KB, 655x467) ☐ Anonymous 06/03/24(Mon)23:12:57 No.919340318 > How the f--- did Scar lose this fight? > Was he even trying?

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Anon doesn't like coffee | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/03/24(Mon)08:34:14 No.77706687 >Be me >>77706751 >>77707936 >Practicaly never drink coffee, even then dilute it to the extreme with milk because I f------ hate the taste >Be yesterday, late afternoon >Friend gets me a blueberry red bull "Eh, coffee just helps me stay awake for a couple hours when I do use it, how bad can it be" >S--- tastes good >Drink another one without thinking >Ffw 2AM >Can't sleep >Start looking for things to do 6 hours later, and I have cleaned up my whole house, been to the gym, repaired a burst pipe, changed two lightbulbs, sent a letter that had been waiting for 3 months, bought a bicycle, patched the holes in two pairs of pants and then some more What the actual f--- do they put in those? It can't be just caffeine. I'm litteraly twitching and running from doing one thing to another like I'm on pervitin. ☐ Anonymous 06/03/24(Mon)08:35:12 No. 77706695 *leaking, not burst, but still. ☐ Anonymous 06/03/24(Mon)08:44:50 No.77706751 ► File: 9a3a5c5d5ca328a6f410c0d95(...).jpg (155 KB, 1080x1080) >>77706687 (OP) Great now i have to go get one ☐ Anonymous 06/03/24(Mon)12:28:58 No.77707936 >>77706687 (OP). > caffeine still has an effect on you stimulant newfag
Anonymous 06/03/24(Mon)08:34:14 No.77706687 >Be me >>77706751 >>77707936 >Practicaly never drink coffee, even then dilute it to the extreme with milk because I f------ hate the taste >Be yesterday, late afternoon >Friend gets me a blueberry red bull "Eh, coffee just helps me stay awake for a couple hours when I do use it, how bad can it be" >S--- tastes good >Drink another one without thinking >Ffw 2AM >Can't sleep >Start looking for things to do 6 hours later, and I have cleaned up my whole house, been to the gym, repaired a burst pipe, changed two lightbulbs, sent a letter that had been waiting for 3 months, bought a bicycle, patched the holes in two pairs of pants and then some more What the actual f--- do they put in those? It can't be just caffeine. I'm litteraly twitching and running from doing one thing to another like I'm on pervitin. ☐ Anonymous 06/03/24(Mon)08:35:12 No. 77706695 *leaking, not burst, but still. ☐ Anonymous 06/03/24(Mon)08:44:50 No.77706751 ► File: 9a3a5c5d5ca328a6f410c0d95(...).jpg (155 KB, 1080x1080) >>77706687 (OP) Great now i have to go get one ☐ Anonymous 06/03/24(Mon)12:28:58 No.77707936 >>77706687 (OP). > caffeine still has an effect on you stimulant newfag

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Woah, hang on. Is this some sort of silent hill? | /r/Greentext

108/32/4 >I just got chased by a guy with a freaking pyramid for a head
108/32/4 >I just got chased by a guy with a freaking pyramid for a head

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Anon flirts with a girl | /r/Greentext

File: 759.png (123 KB, 680x586) How bad did I f--- this up? Anonymous 06/03/24(Mon) 14:10:17 No. 77712341 ► >Travel to Italy to see Roman s--- >At Venice Airport buying some of that fancy euro chocolate you don't get in America >Super hot girl in front of me >Almost get caught miring >Panic and grab a big box of chocolates >Accidentally punch the box instead >Box falls on the floor and she laughs >She picks up the box of chocolate and starts speaking to me in Italian >Say in perfect English "Sorry I don't speak English" >She stares at me >I stare back >She turns around and gets back into the checkout line >I follow >Just awkwardly standing behind her until I pay for my chocolate
File: 759.png (123 KB, 680x586) How bad did I f--- this up? Anonymous 06/03/24(Mon) 14:10:17 No. 77712341 ► >Travel to Italy to see Roman s--- >At Venice Airport buying some of that fancy euro chocolate you don't get in America >Super hot girl in front of me >Almost get caught miring >Panic and grab a big box of chocolates >Accidentally punch the box instead >Box falls on the floor and she laughs >She picks up the box of chocolate and starts speaking to me in Italian >Say in perfect English "Sorry I don't speak English" >She stares at me >I stare back >She turns around and gets back into the checkout line >I follow >Just awkwardly standing behind her until I pay for my chocolate

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anon risks prison | /r/Greentext

☐ reminder: don't DJ at children's birthday parties anymore Anonymous >be me >depressed + stressed + rage issues >work as a DJ >stranger calls me to play at a birthday party >k >starts playing >MFW kid takes a water glass and smash it over my console >KickTheBaby.mp4 >mother rages >risk prison
☐ reminder: don't DJ at children's birthday parties anymore Anonymous >be me >depressed + stressed + rage issues >work as a DJ >stranger calls me to play at a birthday party >k >starts playing >MFW kid takes a water glass and smash it over my console >KickTheBaby.mp4 >mother rages >risk prison

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Anon rides the elevator | /r/Greentext

File: IMG_0529.jpg (15 KB, 241x209) Anonymous (ID: 3k0w5ARN >get into busy elevator 06/03/24(Mon)16:56:36 No.20445755 >lock eyes uncomfortably with female >let out extremely loud 20+ second fart without saying a word
File: IMG_0529.jpg (15 KB, 241x209) Anonymous (ID: 3k0w5ARN >get into busy elevator 06/03/24(Mon)16:56:36 No.20445755 >lock eyes uncomfortably with female >let out extremely loud 20+ second fart without saying a word

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The views keep dropping. Look how they massacred my boy... | /r/Greentext

Anonymous What's their endgame? 05/27/24(Mon)21:23:25 No. 199558249 Metro @MetroUK Sorry straight white men, Doctor Who was never made for you POLICE TELEPHONE FREE FOR USE OF PUBLIC ADVICE & ASSISTANCE OBTAINABLE IMMEDIATELY OFFICERS & CARS RESPOND TO URGENT CALLS TO OPEN 6U.jpg 135 KB JPG >"We made the Doctor a women! Seethe more chud!" Views drop significantly. >New season starts. >"The Doctor is now black and gay!" Views drop by half >3 episodes into the new season. >"The main villain is now some fat troon! If you dont like it, go touch grass!" Views drop by half again. Whats their end goal?
Anonymous What's their endgame? 05/27/24(Mon)21:23:25 No. 199558249 Metro @MetroUK Sorry straight white men, Doctor Who was never made for you POLICE TELEPHONE FREE FOR USE OF PUBLIC ADVICE & ASSISTANCE OBTAINABLE IMMEDIATELY OFFICERS & CARS RESPOND TO URGENT CALLS TO OPEN 6U.jpg 135 KB JPG >"We made the Doctor a women! Seethe more chud!" Views drop significantly. >New season starts. >"The Doctor is now black and gay!" Views drop by half >3 episodes into the new season. >"The main villain is now some fat troon! If you dont like it, go touch grass!" Views drop by half again. Whats their end goal?

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Anon despises titanic | /r/Greentext

File: 166576755675229.png (653 KB, 595x397) Anonymous 04/18/23(Tue)13:00:36 No. 183156617 183156699>>183156712 >>183156761 >>183157033 >>183157337 >>183157435 >>183157517 >>183157660 days >>183157936 >>183158636 >>183158983 >>183159081 >>183159161 >>183159686 >on her deathbed >instead of thinking about her children and husband of 70 years she thinks of some homeless dude who f----- her on a boat trip for 2 >millions of women consider this a great love story Why are women like this?
File: 166576755675229.png (653 KB, 595x397) Anonymous 04/18/23(Tue)13:00:36 No. 183156617 183156699>>183156712 >>183156761 >>183157033 >>183157337 >>183157435 >>183157517 >>183157660 days >>183157936 >>183158636 >>183158983 >>183159081 >>183159161 >>183159686 >on her deathbed >instead of thinking about her children and husband of 70 years she thinks of some homeless dude who f----- her on a boat trip for 2 >millions of women consider this a great love story Why are women like this?

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Awesome Dad. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 804906840 158.5 kB PNG positive dad stories thread >be me, 9 >own a toy firetruck >godifuckinglovemyfiretruck.jpg >bring to show and tell >kids make fun of firetruck >go home tell dad 9 min. ago .. >dad tells me not to worry about it >next day >dad wakes me up for drive to school >pass school >"dad where are we going?" >"my friends want to meet you anon" >pull up to firehouse >dad told his firefighter friends what happened >get tour of firehouse and meet real firemen >get to honk real firetruck horn mfw my dad took off work just to make me feel better over some stupid toy truck
Anonymous | 804906840 158.5 kB PNG positive dad stories thread >be me, 9 >own a toy firetruck >godifuckinglovemyfiretruck.jpg >bring to show and tell >kids make fun of firetruck >go home tell dad 9 min. ago .. >dad tells me not to worry about it >next day >dad wakes me up for drive to school >pass school >"dad where are we going?" >"my friends want to meet you anon" >pull up to firehouse >dad told his firefighter friends what happened >get tour of firehouse and meet real firemen >get to honk real firetruck horn mfw my dad took off work just to make me feel better over some stupid toy truck

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None Cares to Check If This is True for 2000 Years | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/16/23(Tue)10:06:59 No.1505215 >"heavy objects fall faster than light ones" >none cares to check if this is true for 2000 years 34 KB JPG
Anonymous 05/16/23(Tue)10:06:59 No.1505215 >"heavy objects fall faster than light ones" >none cares to check if this is true for 2000 years 34 KB JPG

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Happens to the best of us, anon. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous what is wrong with zoomers 12/24/23(Sun)07:37:58 No.75871286 >Be me straight male 65 KB JPG >a twink in lingerie is riding me
Anonymous what is wrong with zoomers 12/24/23(Sun)07:37:58 No.75871286 >Be me straight male 65 KB JPG >a twink in lingerie is riding me

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anon drinks redbull | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 26 KB PNG >S--- tastes good 06/03/24(Mon)08:34:14 No.77706687 >Be me >Practicaly never drink coffee, even then dilute it to the extreme with milk because I f------ hate the taste >Be yesterday, late afternoon >Friend gets me a blueberry red bull "Eh, coffee just helps me stay awake for a couple hours when I do use it, how bad can it be" >Drink another one without thinking >Ffw 2AM >Can't sleep >Start looking for things to do 6 hours later, and I have cleaned up my whole house, been to the gym, repaired a burst pipe, changed two lightbulbs, sent a letter that had been waiting for 3 months, bought a bicycle, patched the holes in two pairs of pants and then some more What the actual f--- do they put in those? It can't be just caffeine. I'm litteraly twitching and running from doing one thing to another like I'm on pervitin.
Anonymous 26 KB PNG >S--- tastes good 06/03/24(Mon)08:34:14 No.77706687 >Be me >Practicaly never drink coffee, even then dilute it to the extreme with milk because I f------ hate the taste >Be yesterday, late afternoon >Friend gets me a blueberry red bull "Eh, coffee just helps me stay awake for a couple hours when I do use it, how bad can it be" >Drink another one without thinking >Ffw 2AM >Can't sleep >Start looking for things to do 6 hours later, and I have cleaned up my whole house, been to the gym, repaired a burst pipe, changed two lightbulbs, sent a letter that had been waiting for 3 months, bought a bicycle, patched the holes in two pairs of pants and then some more What the actual f--- do they put in those? It can't be just caffeine. I'm litteraly twitching and running from doing one thing to another like I'm on pervitin.

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Anon and his grandfather encounter the Forest Gnomes | /r/Greentext


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Anon gets bamboozled | /r/Greentext

I was f------ lied to Anonymous 06/02/24(Sun)22:12:46 No.919300233 GG >Be me >Anon in highschool in the late 90s, early 00's >Ask mom about girls and what to do about them being jerks. >Mom says to not worry, girls get more mature with age. >FFW to my mid-30s >A number of women still act the same >Shallow >Gold-Digging >Foolish Mom f------ lied to me why would you do this to me mom, I trusted you!
I was f------ lied to Anonymous 06/02/24(Sun)22:12:46 No.919300233 GG >Be me >Anon in highschool in the late 90s, early 00's >Ask mom about girls and what to do about them being jerks. >Mom says to not worry, girls get more mature with age. >FFW to my mid-30s >A number of women still act the same >Shallow >Gold-Digging >Foolish Mom f------ lied to me why would you do this to me mom, I trusted you!

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