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The glory days | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/16/21(Tue)13:38:48 No.849753225 >Be me >Rory John Gates >Bill Gates is my father, literally runs Microsoft >Born in 1999 so grew up playing Xbox >Love playing Halo with my friends online >One day some guy on Xbox Live won't 5 KB JPG stop talking s--- to me >Tell him that my dad runs Microsoft and he will ban him >Guy doesn't believe me, tells me he had sex with my mom and my dad is gay >Tell my dad his username >Dad calls uncle Donny (Don Mattrick, ran Xbox division) on his iPhone >mfw he actually gets banned
: Anonymous 03/16/21(Tue)13:38:48 No.849753225 >Be me >Rory John Gates >Bill Gates is my father, literally runs Microsoft >Born in 1999 so grew up playing Xbox >Love playing Halo with my friends online >One day some guy on Xbox Live won't 5 KB JPG stop talking s--- to me >Tell him that my dad runs Microsoft and he will ban him >Guy doesn't believe me, tells me he had sex with my mom and my dad is gay >Tell my dad his username >Dad calls uncle Donny (Don Mattrick, ran Xbox division) on his iPhone >mfw he actually gets banned

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Anon joins the space force | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/05/19(Mon)07:34:34 No.806369057 >Be me >Always wanted to be an astronaut >Think "if I train real hard l'll be one someday" >Train real hard >Learn physics and s--- >Eventually work my way up to the 1.02 MB PNG space program >Tfw finally accepted into the space force with highest honors >Onwards, where no man has gone before! >All of a sudden the program is cancelled >Demand to know why >"Sorry anon, we decided to hire a gang of amphibious creatures to fight for us on other planets instead" >mfw I read the first letter of each sentence
: Anonymous 08/05/19(Mon)07:34:34 No.806369057 >Be me >Always wanted to be an astronaut >Think "if I train real hard l'll be one someday" >Train real hard >Learn physics and s--- >Eventually work my way up to the 1.02 MB PNG space program >Tfw finally accepted into the space force with highest honors >Onwards, where no man has gone before! >All of a sudden the program is cancelled >Demand to know why >"Sorry anon, we decided to hire a gang of amphibious creatures to fight for us on other planets instead" >mfw I read the first letter of each sentence

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Anon is incapable of thinking | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)09:04:38 No.872591386 > be 5 > want to smash stone > take bigger rock and smash it > stone rolls away > idea.jpg > if I hold stone it wont roll away > put my hand on the stone > smash my hand with the big rock > mfw
Anonymous 02/13/22(Sun)09:04:38 No.872591386 > be 5 > want to smash stone > take bigger rock and smash it > stone rolls away > idea.jpg > if I hold stone it wont roll away > put my hand on the stone > smash my hand with the big rock > mfw

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Anon's wife didn't feel good | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 785707303 3 min. ago .. >be me >meet qt3.14 in uni >ask her out on date >she says yes >fast forward 7 years we're still together >l propose to her on our anniversary and she says yes >about 5 months pass and it's our wedding day >do out vowels and everything >"You may now kiss the bride" >leans in to kiss her 53.3 kB JPG >she suddenly turns into dust >w--.jpg >most of the people in the church turn to dust as well F--- you Thanos REPLY
Anonymous 785707303 3 min. ago .. >be me >meet qt3.14 in uni >ask her out on date >she says yes >fast forward 7 years we're still together >l propose to her on our anniversary and she says yes >about 5 months pass and it's our wedding day >do out vowels and everything >"You may now kiss the bride" >leans in to kiss her 53.3 kB JPG >she suddenly turns into dust >w--.jpg >most of the people in the church turn to dust as well F--- you Thanos REPLY

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Anon cleans his room | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/22/21(Sun)04:53:46 No.65084284 >finally manage to defeat my ADD and start cleaning my room >mom starts yelling at me for making too much noise and waking her up at 2 am 44 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 08/22/21(Sun)05:03:32 No.65084369 >>65084284 (OP) # >l'm gonna be a good boi 2day:) >vacuums room at 2 am 51 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/22/21(Sun)04:53:46 No.65084284 >finally manage to defeat my ADD and start cleaning my room >mom starts yelling at me for making too much noise and waking her up at 2 am 44 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 08/22/21(Sun)05:03:32 No.65084369 >>65084284 (OP) # >l'm gonna be a good boi 2day:) >vacuums room at 2 am 51 KB JPG

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Anon is normal | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous autistic things you do 06/06/18(Wed)21:28:21 No.45943362 >open webcam >put little webcam window in corner of screen >pretend l'm streaming while l'm browsing the internet and watching 37 KB PNG videos >make comments on stuff >pretend l'm an eceleb and people like me : Anonymous 06/06/18(Wed)21:29:33 No.45943385 this is nothing to the f------ people on here who like store their s--- and c-- in a sock and refrigerate it to later use it on pizza. You are basically 1.94 MB GIF normal, anon >>45943650 # >>45944308 #
: Anonymous autistic things you do 06/06/18(Wed)21:28:21 No.45943362 >open webcam >put little webcam window in corner of screen >pretend l'm streaming while l'm browsing the internet and watching 37 KB PNG videos >make comments on stuff >pretend l'm an eceleb and people like me : Anonymous 06/06/18(Wed)21:29:33 No.45943385 this is nothing to the f------ people on here who like store their s--- and c-- in a sock and refrigerate it to later use it on pizza. You are basically 1.94 MB GIF normal, anon >>45943650 # >>45944308 #

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https://old.reddit.com/r/greentext/ | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/15/19(Thu)20:11:48 No.53925486 >Walk up to boss >"Hey anything we gotta do around here?" >"Yeah we gotta do all the drum brakes on the trailers but some of the bolts broke off so you'll have to melt em off with the cutting torch." 82 KB JPG >Pretend he is an NPC giving me a quest >Money is my EXP >Each pay period is a level up >level 208 right now keep grinding out the levels friends
: Anonymous 08/15/19(Thu)20:11:48 No.53925486 >Walk up to boss >"Hey anything we gotta do around here?" >"Yeah we gotta do all the drum brakes on the trailers but some of the bolts broke off so you'll have to melt em off with the cutting torch." 82 KB JPG >Pretend he is an NPC giving me a quest >Money is my EXP >Each pay period is a level up >level 208 right now keep grinding out the levels friends

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Anon meets a kinky girl. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/24/18(Tue)09:29:25 No.775216986 >be me >recently broke up with gf >feel sad af >try online dating >meet this girl online 435 KB PNG >we instantly connect >ask her on a date >date a few times, kisses n stuff >one day after going out for dinner she asks me to come at her place for coffee >gonnahavesex.jpg >she tells me she's into bondage >accept, not really my thing but I guess I can try >tells me to close my eyes >i do >feel her tying my hands >places a blindfold on my head >bed begins to shake and creak >w--.jpg >feel a cold breeze hit my face >i can smell a strong scent of pinewoods >remove the blindfold from my eyes >mfw i'm about to be sentenced to death with other prisoners >mfw i turn around and see todd howard running away while removing his fake wig >mfw i'm now in skyrim
: Anonymous 07/24/18(Tue)09:29:25 No.775216986 >be me >recently broke up with gf >feel sad af >try online dating >meet this girl online 435 KB PNG >we instantly connect >ask her on a date >date a few times, kisses n stuff >one day after going out for dinner she asks me to come at her place for coffee >gonnahavesex.jpg >she tells me she's into bondage >accept, not really my thing but I guess I can try >tells me to close my eyes >i do >feel her tying my hands >places a blindfold on my head >bed begins to shake and creak >w--.jpg >feel a cold breeze hit my face >i can smell a strong scent of pinewoods >remove the blindfold from my eyes >mfw i'm about to be sentenced to death with other prisoners >mfw i turn around and see todd howard running away while removing his fake wig >mfw i'm now in skyrim

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Anon takes a piss | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/22(Sat)13:36:48 No.872553714 Kramer, what's going on in there? augh FACTON 20220208_180121.jpg 117 KB JPG >be me >make zero noise during sex >weird but okay common enough I guess >be me >at urinal >only take a piss like once a day, drink a lot of water >"AH GOD YES OH GOD YES AHHHH" people have asked me like 4 times if i'm beating my meat in the urinal, pic unrelated
: Anonymous 02/12/22(Sat)13:36:48 No.872553714 Kramer, what's going on in there? augh FACTON 20220208_180121.jpg 117 KB JPG >be me >make zero noise during sex >weird but okay common enough I guess >be me >at urinal >only take a piss like once a day, drink a lot of water >"AH GOD YES OH GOD YES AHHHH" people have asked me like 4 times if i'm beating my meat in the urinal, pic unrelated

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Anon is grilling | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)10:08:19 No.53656767 >be boomer >cooking steak on the grill >using spare college degrees to fuel fire >smells like when we used to ORISTA napalm the g---- >flip steak >top side of steak is branded with 100 KB JPG Ronald Reagan's face >I can feel the patriotism coursing through my veins >pick up bottle of steak sauce >bottle is empty These damn millennials are f------ us in the ass.
: Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)10:08:19 No.53656767 >be boomer >cooking steak on the grill >using spare college degrees to fuel fire >smells like when we used to ORISTA napalm the g---- >flip steak >top side of steak is branded with 100 KB JPG Ronald Reagan's face >I can feel the patriotism coursing through my veins >pick up bottle of steak sauce >bottle is empty These damn millennials are f------ us in the ass.

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Butterdogs | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/15/16(Fri)15:28:05 No.7881736 >>7881780 >>7882025 >7882181 >>7883072 >7883234 File: 766a578cfb021a78ce3bf2c50(. ) ipg (51 KB, 217x395) I used to know a guy who developed legit autism because his mom left him home alone a lot when he was a kid and when left to his own devices, he apparently ate nothing but butterdogs OAnonymous 07/15/16(Fri)15:43:19 No.7881780 >7881790 >>7881797 >>7883064 >>7881736 >Butterdogs I'm sorry, what ?
Anonymous 07/15/16(Fri)15:28:05 No.7881736 >>7881780 >>7882025 >7882181 >>7883072 >7883234 File: 766a578cfb021a78ce3bf2c50(. ) ipg (51 KB, 217x395) I used to know a guy who developed legit autism because his mom left him home alone a lot when he was a kid and when left to his own devices, he apparently ate nothing but butterdogs OAnonymous 07/15/16(Fri)15:43:19 No.7881780 >7881790 >>7881797 >>7883064 >>7881736 >Butterdogs I'm sorry, what ?

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Anon makes a mistake | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/08/20(Tue)02:43:04 No.535226782 1606304985763.gif 331 KB GIF >download video game for free >default search engine changes
: Anonymous 12/08/20(Tue)02:43:04 No.535226782 1606304985763.gif 331 KB GIF >download video game for free >default search engine changes

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Anon goes from hopeless romantic to incel in 2.5 seconds | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)19:40:22 No.866494139 >be me >22 year old virgin, never hugged anyone other than my mommy >good at making crafts >meet a qt >sweet, similar interests, naturally 24 KB JPG beautiful and never once seen her in make up >expresses genuine interest in me, mentions she likes snow globes >spend a night looking up how to make snow globe. do it for over a week. it doesn't look like s--- and it has an elephant in it because it's her favorite animal. >still talk to her every day. this is the nicest a girl has ever been to me. >fantasize about her smile upon receiving it, and our life together afterwards >stumble upon her of tonight, sub, and see her getting f----- by a monster d--- while she moans like a w---- >cry, break snow globe, slip and hit my head. I. Want. To. Die. I want to die. I. Want to die. I want to die. I hate all women. If you are a woman and reading this, I hate you.
: Anonymous 11/10/21(Wed)19:40:22 No.866494139 >be me >22 year old virgin, never hugged anyone other than my mommy >good at making crafts >meet a qt >sweet, similar interests, naturally 24 KB JPG beautiful and never once seen her in make up >expresses genuine interest in me, mentions she likes snow globes >spend a night looking up how to make snow globe. do it for over a week. it doesn't look like s--- and it has an elephant in it because it's her favorite animal. >still talk to her every day. this is the nicest a girl has ever been to me. >fantasize about her smile upon receiving it, and our life together afterwards >stumble upon her of tonight, sub, and see her getting f----- by a monster d--- while she moans like a w---- >cry, break snow globe, slip and hit my head. I. Want. To. Die. I want to die. I. Want to die. I want to die. I hate all women. If you are a woman and reading this, I hate you.

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Anon hates dream | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/12/20(Sat)14:38:58 No.535954932 file.png 833 KB PNG >Good lord what is happening in there >Really good luck >Really good? Across 6 straight streams, without a single run with poor luck, odds totaling 1 in 7.5 trillion, localized entirely in your runs? >Yes! >May I see the mod folder? >No >>535955146 # >>535955159 # >>535955448 # >>535955610 # >>535955959 # >>535956143 # >>535956613 # >>535956906 # >>535957064 # >>535958241 # >>535958917 # >>535959407 #
: Anonymous 12/12/20(Sat)14:38:58 No.535954932 file.png 833 KB PNG >Good lord what is happening in there >Really good luck >Really good? Across 6 straight streams, without a single run with poor luck, odds totaling 1 in 7.5 trillion, localized entirely in your runs? >Yes! >May I see the mod folder? >No >>535955146 # >>535955159 # >>535955448 # >>535955610 # >>535955959 # >>535956143 # >>535956613 # >>535956906 # >>535957064 # >>535958241 # >>535958917 # >>535959407 #

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See ya later virgins | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 48906634 36 min. ago •.. >be me >be 15 >hear that only 14yo girls say oof >say oof >im basically a girl now >j------- >say oof again which means that im a guy again since the two oofs cancel each other out 123.2 kB JPG >basically got jacked off by a girl >basically had sex See ya later virgins REPLY Anonymous | 48906721 28 min. ago •.• >be 15 Thanks for letting me know right at the beginning that this was trash
Anonymous | 48906634 36 min. ago •.. >be me >be 15 >hear that only 14yo girls say oof >say oof >im basically a girl now >j------- >say oof again which means that im a guy again since the two oofs cancel each other out 123.2 kB JPG >basically got jacked off by a girl >basically had sex See ya later virgins REPLY Anonymous | 48906721 28 min. ago •.• >be 15 Thanks for letting me know right at the beginning that this was trash

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Anon is a fruit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/05/19(Fri)14:03:19 No.796709970 >Be KIWI >BE A TASTY F--- >FEEL LIKE FRESHLY S----------- >BE GREEN LIKE SHREK >FULL OF VITAMINS 138 KB JPG >HEALTHY AF > TASTE OF ANGELS C------ IN YOUR MOUTH >F--- ORANGES 5 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/05/19(Fri)14:12:11 No.796710513 >Be ORANGE >BE A SWEET TANGY AND TASTY ASS M------------ >FEEL LIKE A DAMN FRUIT SHOULD FEEL AND NOT LIKE 117 KB JPG SOME HAIRY TESTICLE >BE ORANGE, LIKE A F------ ORANGE, UNLIKE KIWI WHO IS N----- ON THE OUTSIDE AND JEW ON THE INSIDE >TASTE LIKE SUGAR MIXED WITH A 9000 VOLT BATTERY OF MANLINESS, NOT FAGGOTY ANGEL SEMEN >F--- KIWIS, TINY ASS HAIRY N----- FRUIT
: Anonymous 04/05/19(Fri)14:03:19 No.796709970 >Be KIWI >BE A TASTY F--- >FEEL LIKE FRESHLY S----------- >BE GREEN LIKE SHREK >FULL OF VITAMINS 138 KB JPG >HEALTHY AF > TASTE OF ANGELS C------ IN YOUR MOUTH >F--- ORANGES 5 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 04/05/19(Fri)14:12:11 No.796710513 >Be ORANGE >BE A SWEET TANGY AND TASTY ASS M------------ >FEEL LIKE A DAMN FRUIT SHOULD FEEL AND NOT LIKE 117 KB JPG SOME HAIRY TESTICLE >BE ORANGE, LIKE A F------ ORANGE, UNLIKE KIWI WHO IS N----- ON THE OUTSIDE AND JEW ON THE INSIDE >TASTE LIKE SUGAR MIXED WITH A 9000 VOLT BATTERY OF MANLINESS, NOT FAGGOTY ANGEL SEMEN >F--- KIWIS, TINY ASS HAIRY N----- FRUIT

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Pretty funny | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)14:00:24 No.145245004 ITT:We design Saw traps >You're in a locked room with a snowman and a carrot >Jigsaw tells you to put the carrot where it belongs >Putting the carrot on the snowman's nose unlocks the door and sets you free 14 KB JPG >Putting the carrot on the snowman's d--- would be pretty funny but detonates a pipe bomb
: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)14:00:24 No.145245004 ITT:We design Saw traps >You're in a locked room with a snowman and a carrot >Jigsaw tells you to put the carrot where it belongs >Putting the carrot on the snowman's nose unlocks the door and sets you free 14 KB JPG >Putting the carrot on the snowman's d--- would be pretty funny but detonates a pipe bomb

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Anon does a lil trolling | /r/Greentext

File: spring-clamp-bishop-50mm-(...).jpg (158 KB, 2048x2048) O Anonymous 02/11/22(Fri)20:00:36 No.872489714 ► >>872489971 >>872491221 >>872492963 ITT: Fun ways to prank normies >Be me >Decide to make a visit to a local glory hole >The place's got full privacy, neither part can see or interact with the other besides the c--- >Managed to smuggle along a large, powerful metal spring clamp in my pocket >Pic related BISHOP >Guy comes along, puts his c--- through the hole >Decide to do a lil trolling >Clamp down on his d--- with the spring clamp >He shrieks and yells that he is going to f------ kill me >Make a hasty getaway >Guy can't chase after me without tearing his d--- off >Guy doesn't know what I look like >No consequences Is there any reason why this isn't a great idea for a prank?
File: spring-clamp-bishop-50mm-(...).jpg (158 KB, 2048x2048) O Anonymous 02/11/22(Fri)20:00:36 No.872489714 ► >>872489971 >>872491221 >>872492963 ITT: Fun ways to prank normies >Be me >Decide to make a visit to a local glory hole >The place's got full privacy, neither part can see or interact with the other besides the c--- >Managed to smuggle along a large, powerful metal spring clamp in my pocket >Pic related BISHOP >Guy comes along, puts his c--- through the hole >Decide to do a lil trolling >Clamp down on his d--- with the spring clamp >He shrieks and yells that he is going to f------ kill me >Make a hasty getaway >Guy can't chase after me without tearing his d--- off >Guy doesn't know what I look like >No consequences Is there any reason why this isn't a great idea for a prank?

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Anon screwed up | /r/Greentext

ITT: Gay s--- you did that caused you to go to the hospital, I start. >Be me >Horny >Decide to put something up ass. >decide on foot long philips 381 KB PNG screwdriver >in ass >jack it >feelsgood.jpg >finish >get up to wash hands >extreme ass pain >realise screwdriver is still in ass >its all the way up there >oh s--- >call 911 >ambulance arrive >paramedics see man with c-- on his hands trying to get something out of ass >go to hospital >doctor is a smartass >"Looks like youre screwed, anon!" >f------ really >mfw
ITT: Gay s--- you did that caused you to go to the hospital, I start. >Be me >Horny >Decide to put something up ass. >decide on foot long philips 381 KB PNG screwdriver >in ass >jack it >feelsgood.jpg >finish >get up to wash hands >extreme ass pain >realise screwdriver is still in ass >its all the way up there >oh s--- >call 911 >ambulance arrive >paramedics see man with c-- on his hands trying to get something out of ass >go to hospital >doctor is a smartass >"Looks like youre screwed, anon!" >f------ really >mfw

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A German Anon Asks an Important Question | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: JMOP25XR Smiling 02/13/22(Sun)01:12:41 No.360907460 >walking around Switzerland >give friendly smiles and nods to strangers >only get death stares back or eyes darting away Why are Europoors so unfriendly and uncharismatic, /pol/? 298 KB JPG E Anonymous (ID: AYtHwHGi 02/13/22(Sun)01:13:33 No.360907566 >>360907460 (OP) # Why are you smiling at people you don't know? Are you homosexual? >>360907912 #
: Anonymous (ID: JMOP25XR Smiling 02/13/22(Sun)01:12:41 No.360907460 >walking around Switzerland >give friendly smiles and nods to strangers >only get death stares back or eyes darting away Why are Europoors so unfriendly and uncharismatic, /pol/? 298 KB JPG E Anonymous (ID: AYtHwHGi 02/13/22(Sun)01:13:33 No.360907566 >>360907460 (OP) # Why are you smiling at people you don't know? Are you homosexual? >>360907912 #

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