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Anon is among us | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)00:06:34 No.854372193 >be me >have reddit account >lots of karma >everyday I scroll through threads >too much loli and furry p--- for the average beta >sigma male like me does not care 29 KB JPG >sees greentext >swipe.exe >get tons of updoots and awards for scrolling through 4chan Tee hee
: Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)00:06:34 No.854372193 >be me >have reddit account >lots of karma >everyday I scroll through threads >too much loli and furry p--- for the average beta >sigma male like me does not care 29 KB JPG >sees greentext >swipe.exe >get tons of updoots and awards for scrolling through 4chan Tee hee

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Anon spends his time well | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/28/15(Sat)14:47:14 No.17454467 >never looked into how many Pepes I had >check just now >1,019 images damn, what if I spent this time doing something worthwhile? 297 KB PNG >>17454513 # Anonymous 03/28/15(Sat) 14:48:43 No.17454513 >>17454467 # >collecting pepes >not being "worthwhile"
Anonymous 03/28/15(Sat)14:47:14 No.17454467 >never looked into how many Pepes I had >check just now >1,019 images damn, what if I spent this time doing something worthwhile? 297 KB PNG >>17454513 # Anonymous 03/28/15(Sat) 14:48:43 No.17454513 >>17454467 # >collecting pepes >not being "worthwhile"

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Anon makes a new friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)13:59:35 No.854728216 >be me 2006 >sexless virgin >officially a scene kid with hair over my eye, tight jeans, and band tee >go to week long Christian church revival held on college campus during summer >lots of teens all staying in the empty WDERCATH 591 KB JPG college dorms >my friend Colin introduces me to some girls he knows >one is a scene queen, Anna, totally think she's hot >hit it off with her right away >have my first kiss on the end of the first day >hang out with her all week, blowing off most church activities >mostly ignore Colin >4th day Anna and I sneak off to the dorms to be alone >think we're just gonna make out, but still happy >she tells me she has a condom >tells me she wants to be have sex >totally agree, being 16 and sexless >she gives me the condom, touches my peen >first time a girl has touched it >pull my jeans down, they're so tight they stay in place with my ass showing >put on the condom >she lifts her skirt up and panties down >first time l've seen a vagine irl >she lays on the bed, I move in close and line up >thislslt.jpeg >a quarter inch away from penetrating >3 adults suddenly burst into the room >startled, turn around, condom d--- flailing wildly >"You are both in so much trouble! Your parents will hear about this! Thank god Colin came and got us." >see Colin standing sheepishly in the hallway >get in a lot of trouble, banned from activities, asked not to come back next year if I'm “on the same path" >Anna lives 6 hours away from me, never end up seeing her again >didn't lose my virginity for another 3 years >if my d--- had been a half inch longer I would have lost my virginity F--- you Colin
: Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)13:59:35 No.854728216 >be me 2006 >sexless virgin >officially a scene kid with hair over my eye, tight jeans, and band tee >go to week long Christian church revival held on college campus during summer >lots of teens all staying in the empty WDERCATH 591 KB JPG college dorms >my friend Colin introduces me to some girls he knows >one is a scene queen, Anna, totally think she's hot >hit it off with her right away >have my first kiss on the end of the first day >hang out with her all week, blowing off most church activities >mostly ignore Colin >4th day Anna and I sneak off to the dorms to be alone >think we're just gonna make out, but still happy >she tells me she has a condom >tells me she wants to be have sex >totally agree, being 16 and sexless >she gives me the condom, touches my peen >first time a girl has touched it >pull my jeans down, they're so tight they stay in place with my ass showing >put on the condom >she lifts her skirt up and panties down >first time l've seen a vagine irl >she lays on the bed, I move in close and line up >thislslt.jpeg >a quarter inch away from penetrating >3 adults suddenly burst into the room >startled, turn around, condom d--- flailing wildly >"You are both in so much trouble! Your parents will hear about this! Thank god Colin came and got us." >see Colin standing sheepishly in the hallway >get in a lot of trouble, banned from activities, asked not to come back next year if I'm “on the same path" >Anna lives 6 hours away from me, never end up seeing her again >didn't lose my virginity for another 3 years >if my d--- had been a half inch longer I would have lost my virginity F--- you Colin

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Anon gets along with his roommate... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)20:34:23 No.854751781 >be me >roommate is a 7/10 female- type >she's clean >she's quiet >she's chill 178 KB JPG >she brought furniture >find out we have the same taste in music >we start hanging out a bunch >start smoking together >first girl I've been really close to in a while >first person I've been really close to in a while >her lease is up >tell her should renew >tell her she's a good roommate >a bit embarrassing >being vulnerable always is >but you gotta tell your friends they matter to you "I'm not gonna lie, anon, I've gotta get out of here. Listening to the sounds you jerking off over the last few months has been traumatising."
: Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)20:34:23 No.854751781 >be me >roommate is a 7/10 female- type >she's clean >she's quiet >she's chill 178 KB JPG >she brought furniture >find out we have the same taste in music >we start hanging out a bunch >start smoking together >first girl I've been really close to in a while >first person I've been really close to in a while >her lease is up >tell her should renew >tell her she's a good roommate >a bit embarrassing >being vulnerable always is >but you gotta tell your friends they matter to you "I'm not gonna lie, anon, I've gotta get out of here. Listening to the sounds you jerking off over the last few months has been traumatising."

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Anon is depressed | /r/Greentext

NNNNNNOO0000000000000 YOU CANT JUST KILL YOURSELF YOU HAVE TO COPE WITH THE REALITY OF EXISTENCE >cant stop emotional eating because i am too depressed to enjoy anything else halp 6h (5/18 7:42) · 63721091 1 Reply >>63721069 (OP) I'd tell you to eat your words but they're probably too lean for you fatty
NNNNNNOO0000000000000 YOU CANT JUST KILL YOURSELF YOU HAVE TO COPE WITH THE REALITY OF EXISTENCE >cant stop emotional eating because i am too depressed to enjoy anything else halp 6h (5/18 7:42) · 63721091 1 Reply >>63721069 (OP) I'd tell you to eat your words but they're probably too lean for you fatty

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Do it, lol | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/10/18(Wed)18:39:45 No.756517577 > Be me > 17 > Few years ago > Constantly joke with best friend about suicide and edgy s--- > Best friend's mom left his dad a few months ago > Best friend texts me "I'm gonna jump rn" > ohtheusual.gif > Reply with "Do it, lol" > Don't get a reply > His dad calls me from the hospital > fuckmethisisbad.jpeg > He jumped from an abandoned building and survived > We're not friends anymore
: Anonymous 01/10/18(Wed)18:39:45 No.756517577 > Be me > 17 > Few years ago > Constantly joke with best friend about suicide and edgy s--- > Best friend's mom left his dad a few months ago > Best friend texts me "I'm gonna jump rn" > ohtheusual.gif > Reply with "Do it, lol" > Don't get a reply > His dad calls me from the hospital > fuckmethisisbad.jpeg > He jumped from an abandoned building and survived > We're not friends anymore

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Femanon has a boyfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous /r9k/ boyfriend is too much 05/18/21(Tue)23:49:42 No.63731147 > Be me > Notice boyfriends phone on table > Look through his Instagram > Notice his messages are to ll models asking if they're a FUTA and trying to hook up > Lose my s--- and yell at him for XX 154 KB PNG like 30 mins > He tells me to close my eyes and dream of someone who cares. > I lay down and think of how to break up with him when he starts playing confederate civil war music Never dating a robot again, you're all wolves in sheep clothing : Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)23:50:23 No.63731155 : Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)23:53:06 No.63731187 >mentally ill coomers are not actually decent boyfriends Oh wow really >>63731257 #
: Anonymous /r9k/ boyfriend is too much 05/18/21(Tue)23:49:42 No.63731147 > Be me > Notice boyfriends phone on table > Look through his Instagram > Notice his messages are to ll models asking if they're a FUTA and trying to hook up > Lose my s--- and yell at him for XX 154 KB PNG like 30 mins > He tells me to close my eyes and dream of someone who cares. > I lay down and think of how to break up with him when he starts playing confederate civil war music Never dating a robot again, you're all wolves in sheep clothing : Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)23:50:23 No.63731155 : Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)23:53:06 No.63731187 >mentally ill coomers are not actually decent boyfriends Oh wow really >>63731257 #

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Anon is a true capitalist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/05/21(Tue)22:58:00 No.844090720 >get knock at front door >girl scouts selling candy bars >1 dollar each >buy whole box >sell the candy bars to neighbors for 3 bucks a pop 33 KB JPG >profit
: Anonymous 01/05/21(Tue)22:58:00 No.844090720 >get knock at front door >girl scouts selling candy bars >1 dollar each >buy whole box >sell the candy bars to neighbors for 3 bucks a pop 33 KB JPG >profit

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Anon makes a friend | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 716321829 1 hr. ago ... >Brother and I. >Check Craigslist when we're 19, year the 360 Elite came out. >Trying to find cheap launch 360's to nab up, since CoD babies are selling them for Elites. >Find a guy selling his for $110. >Meet at his apartment. >Dude seems okay, not a whole lot odd. >Brings out the Xbox, a couple games, and 2 controllers. >Says "F--- it, 'Il take $10 off. It ain't even mine. It's my roomates. I recorded him f------ my girl, and they don't know it. I'm selling all their s--- off as revenge." >We're both like... "Holy f---, that blows. Is that his TV?" >He throws in a 32-inch widescreen for another $50. >Asks if we're hungry. ... >4 hours later, we've hit McDonalds, gotten drunk, and are playing pool at the local Billiards Hall. >Dude drops us his phone number incase we ever wanna hang out again. 10 years later, we were groomsmen at his wedding. Dude finished college 2 years after we met him, and makes 300k a year at a banking branch in SC. We still play video games and s--- over Discord. Best f------ Craigslist ad ever. TL;DR: >We went to buy an Xbox. >Ended up with a bro for life.
Anonymous 716321829 1 hr. ago ... >Brother and I. >Check Craigslist when we're 19, year the 360 Elite came out. >Trying to find cheap launch 360's to nab up, since CoD babies are selling them for Elites. >Find a guy selling his for $110. >Meet at his apartment. >Dude seems okay, not a whole lot odd. >Brings out the Xbox, a couple games, and 2 controllers. >Says "F--- it, 'Il take $10 off. It ain't even mine. It's my roomates. I recorded him f------ my girl, and they don't know it. I'm selling all their s--- off as revenge." >We're both like... "Holy f---, that blows. Is that his TV?" >He throws in a 32-inch widescreen for another $50. >Asks if we're hungry. ... >4 hours later, we've hit McDonalds, gotten drunk, and are playing pool at the local Billiards Hall. >Dude drops us his phone number incase we ever wanna hang out again. 10 years later, we were groomsmen at his wedding. Dude finished college 2 years after we met him, and makes 300k a year at a banking branch in SC. We still play video games and s--- over Discord. Best f------ Craigslist ad ever. TL;DR: >We went to buy an Xbox. >Ended up with a bro for life.

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Anon can’t prove his orientation anymore | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)21:12:56 No.854729013 >be me, loser living with parents >go out to hit the gym with a bro >halfway through, get a text from mom >"hey anon, i was looking for some movies and i found a folder named 6 KB JPG gigachad, why is it full with muscular men?" >ohshit.mp4 >mfw she now thinks i'm gay wat do
: Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)21:12:56 No.854729013 >be me, loser living with parents >go out to hit the gym with a bro >halfway through, get a text from mom >"hey anon, i was looking for some movies and i found a folder named 6 KB JPG gigachad, why is it full with muscular men?" >ohshit.mp4 >mfw she now thinks i'm gay wat do

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Anon debunks Stacys | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)16:32:04 No.63725215 Do attractive women from well off families have the easiest life paths? >born into wealthy family >grow up popular, everyone nice to them, have their pick of partner in 156 KB JPG hs >too busy having fun in hs to get good grades, doesn't matter >go to random college, party, have a good time while in joke degree like communications >graduate and get s--- job, suddenly life hits them like a tons of bricks >suddenly they're poor for the first time ever >still young and hot though, so things could be worse, still partying >after a year or two slumming it, they realize it sucks, partying getting old >also notice wrinkles etc. for the first time, realize their looks already peaked >decide it's time to pick a rich guy to marry while they are still hot >live rest of life in luxury in exchange for f------ their husband once a week >well anons, does anyone else have it easier?
: Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)16:32:04 No.63725215 Do attractive women from well off families have the easiest life paths? >born into wealthy family >grow up popular, everyone nice to them, have their pick of partner in 156 KB JPG hs >too busy having fun in hs to get good grades, doesn't matter >go to random college, party, have a good time while in joke degree like communications >graduate and get s--- job, suddenly life hits them like a tons of bricks >suddenly they're poor for the first time ever >still young and hot though, so things could be worse, still partying >after a year or two slumming it, they realize it sucks, partying getting old >also notice wrinkles etc. for the first time, realize their looks already peaked >decide it's time to pick a rich guy to marry while they are still hot >live rest of life in luxury in exchange for f------ their husband once a week >well anons, does anyone else have it easier?

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I went through hell to get this | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)21:37:37 No.854688612 File: 1620191086237.jpg (269 KB, 2057x2429) SAME AS IT EVER WAS >Be me SAME WAS >24M >On my way to eat Subway >practice my order in my head >walk in SAM WAS SAM WAS >finally it's my time to order >Cashier Lady: "welcome to Subway, what can I get you" BAMEA TEH WAS >Me: "uhhhh yeah, can I get a football meat long" >start to panic "ah f---, uhhhh, I meant can I get a meatlong foot sub" >f--- up #2 >"umm never mind, l'll see you later" >walk out >never been back to Subway
O Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)21:37:37 No.854688612 File: 1620191086237.jpg (269 KB, 2057x2429) SAME AS IT EVER WAS >Be me SAME WAS >24M >On my way to eat Subway >practice my order in my head >walk in SAM WAS SAM WAS >finally it's my time to order >Cashier Lady: "welcome to Subway, what can I get you" BAMEA TEH WAS >Me: "uhhhh yeah, can I get a football meat long" >start to panic "ah f---, uhhhh, I meant can I get a meatlong foot sub" >f--- up #2 >"umm never mind, l'll see you later" >walk out >never been back to Subway

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Anon‘s girlfriend won‘t stop farting | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: qcqw+HFF ) = 07/09/20(Thu)23:57:38 No.267224774 >gf keep farting during sex >i tell her to stop >stop what >stop farting >im not farting >keep f------ her >she keeps farting 167 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: 7/3bbaXz 07/10/20(Fri)00:00:08 No.267225026 Best thread on 4chan right now >>267225105 #
: Anonymous (ID: qcqw+HFF ) = 07/09/20(Thu)23:57:38 No.267224774 >gf keep farting during sex >i tell her to stop >stop what >stop farting >im not farting >keep f------ her >she keeps farting 167 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: 7/3bbaXz 07/10/20(Fri)00:00:08 No.267225026 Best thread on 4chan right now >>267225105 #

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Anon wants to be loved | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous parents 05/18/21(Tue)07:49:44 No.63718866 >be me 12 >parents abbusive as s--- >all of us in living room tv ad plays with cool music >autistic plan made: What if I dance in a cool way to the tv ad that'll surely make them love me right? 40 KB JPG >drop comes >jump out of my chair start some autistic twitching >cat gets scared >runs thru charging cable of dad's laptop and yanks it out of his lap real hard >brakes >they beat me up >pic generic pepe Why can't I ever be loved anons?
: Anonymous parents 05/18/21(Tue)07:49:44 No.63718866 >be me 12 >parents abbusive as s--- >all of us in living room tv ad plays with cool music >autistic plan made: What if I dance in a cool way to the tv ad that'll surely make them love me right? 40 KB JPG >drop comes >jump out of my chair start some autistic twitching >cat gets scared >runs thru charging cable of dad's laptop and yanks it out of his lap real hard >brakes >they beat me up >pic generic pepe Why can't I ever be loved anons?

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Anon doesn‘t realize his luck | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)05:07:55 No.63719328 >still get asked for ID when trying to buy beer >tfw I'm 28 year old 64 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)05:07:55 No.63719328 >still get asked for ID when trying to buy beer >tfw I'm 28 year old 64 KB JPG

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Anon extends the night | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)05:03:16 No.63723542 >see sun coming up >block window >cover door cracks >no sunlight >it's still night time now i beat the sun 22 KB PNG 8 Replies / 3 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)05:03:16 No.63723542 >see sun coming up >block window >cover door cracks >no sunlight >it's still night time now i beat the sun 22 KB PNG 8 Replies / 3 Images View Thread

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Anon gets circumcised | /r/Greentext

>into the cartoon "Osmosis Jones" as a kid >watch it nearly every day from age 4-7 >some years pass >im 12 watching p--- for the first time >i try to peel back my foreskin like I see in these videos >its impossible, excruciating pain 683 KB PNG >go to the doctor, I have to get circumcised >its a painful procedure, miss a week of school and everything >as im laying in bed recovering, my dad starts calling me "Phimosis Jones" >a day or two later, one his colleagues has to come over to the house >he introduces me as "my son PJ" and gives me a wink >starts calling me 'PJ' more than my real name >my sisters and mom start calling me PJ too >im now 25 and all my friends and family call me PJ despite my real name starting with a T >when meeting new people they inevitably ask how I got the nickname >I have to tell them about my childhood phimosis >most people get really weirded out by it its not fair, release me from this hell bros
>into the cartoon "Osmosis Jones" as a kid >watch it nearly every day from age 4-7 >some years pass >im 12 watching p--- for the first time >i try to peel back my foreskin like I see in these videos >its impossible, excruciating pain 683 KB PNG >go to the doctor, I have to get circumcised >its a painful procedure, miss a week of school and everything >as im laying in bed recovering, my dad starts calling me "Phimosis Jones" >a day or two later, one his colleagues has to come over to the house >he introduces me as "my son PJ" and gives me a wink >starts calling me 'PJ' more than my real name >my sisters and mom start calling me PJ too >im now 25 and all my friends and family call me PJ despite my real name starting with a T >when meeting new people they inevitably ask how I got the nickname >I have to tell them about my childhood phimosis >most people get really weirded out by it its not fair, release me from this hell bros

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Anon finds the nword funny | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)16:30:27 No.63724041 [Reply] > >>63724129 >Be me >sitting in chair >just now >Randomly remember that the N-word exists >Start chuckling followed by hysterically laughing >No racial implications, it's just funny >Keep repeating "N----- be like" followed by random mouth sound effect in between laughter >Currently crying laughing so, how's your morning, bros?
O Anonymous 05/18/21(Tue)16:30:27 No.63724041 [Reply] > >>63724129 >Be me >sitting in chair >just now >Randomly remember that the N-word exists >Start chuckling followed by hysterically laughing >No racial implications, it's just funny >Keep repeating "N----- be like" followed by random mouth sound effect in between laughter >Currently crying laughing so, how's your morning, bros?

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Anon gets used | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/21/19(Sat)08:49:09 No.54508315 >be me >live with a girl >bigtiddygothgf.png >have been with her for 6 years now >there's one problem >she only uses me to satisfy her primal urges 8 KB GIF >every single morning and sometimes before bed she remembers my existence and wants me to fulfil her bodily needs >that's it >besides that, I have no other functions in the relationship >because of it im always stressed and think about losing her, being replaced, always worry that I no longer satisfy her, think that I've become rusty >then suddenly >one day she comes back home visibly depressed >doesn't look at me at all for a while >after a week she suddenly remembers that I exist, and this time it seems like she believes I can help in other ways >she wants to go to the bathroom for some reason >we go there, the bath is filled with hot water >she wants us to bathe together >she gets in first, then helps me climb in as well >suddenly drops me >she's immediately electrocuted >mfw im a toaster
: Anonymous 09/21/19(Sat)08:49:09 No.54508315 >be me >live with a girl >bigtiddygothgf.png >have been with her for 6 years now >there's one problem >she only uses me to satisfy her primal urges 8 KB GIF >every single morning and sometimes before bed she remembers my existence and wants me to fulfil her bodily needs >that's it >besides that, I have no other functions in the relationship >because of it im always stressed and think about losing her, being replaced, always worry that I no longer satisfy her, think that I've become rusty >then suddenly >one day she comes back home visibly depressed >doesn't look at me at all for a while >after a week she suddenly remembers that I exist, and this time it seems like she believes I can help in other ways >she wants to go to the bathroom for some reason >we go there, the bath is filled with hot water >she wants us to bathe together >she gets in first, then helps me climb in as well >suddenly drops me >she's immediately electrocuted >mfw im a toaster

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And yet again Elon Musk saves the day | /r/Greentext

>be me >traveling to Earth to annihilate the human race >see earth >fire up the death ray >too late 19 KB JPG >get hit by a f------ tesla roadster traveling at f------ mach speed playing david bowie >completely destroys my ship and kills my entire crew >mfw
>be me >traveling to Earth to annihilate the human race >see earth >fire up the death ray >too late 19 KB JPG >get hit by a f------ tesla roadster traveling at f------ mach speed playing david bowie >completely destroys my ship and kills my entire crew >mfw

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