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You know the rules | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)13:56:23 No.63450782 >sister's kids start screaming and get violent if she takes away their ipad lol why would anyone have kids in this day and age? 14 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)18:08:56 No.63452662 >>63450782 (OP) # >why would anyone have kids in this day and age? to take away their ipad 285 KB PNG
: Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)13:56:23 No.63450782 >sister's kids start screaming and get violent if she takes away their ipad lol why would anyone have kids in this day and age? 14 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/30/21(Fri)18:08:56 No.63452662 >>63450782 (OP) # >why would anyone have kids in this day and age? to take away their ipad 285 KB PNG

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Anon finds out the hard way | /r/Greentext

jpg (9 KB, 360x287) Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)12: 25 > googling Alzheimer's symptoms > all the links are purple. >mfw
jpg (9 KB, 360x287) Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)12: 25 > googling Alzheimer's symptoms > all the links are purple. >mfw

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Anon speaks to the great philosopher | /r/Greentext


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Anon takes a shower | /r/Greentext


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anon makes a realization | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)03:36:26 No.63663290 >we're halfway through 2021 29 KB JPG 12 Replies / 3 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)03:36:26 No.63663290 >we're halfway through 2021 29 KB JPG 12 Replies / 3 Images View Thread

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Anon rejects Stacy | /r/Greentext

>be me >13 >social outcast with no social skills who everyone makes fun of >at a school party >everyone's dancing, I just awkwardly stand there >a stacy from my class comes up 42 KB JPG to me >asks me to dance with a smug look on her face >autism kicks in >just stand there and stare at her for a solid 5 seconds >then just turn and walk the other way as fast as I can >next day in class >overhear the girl talking with her friends >hear her say that her plan was to embarass me but got embarrassed herself for being rejected by such a lowlife >mfw my autism inadvertently made me look like a chad >take that stacy
>be me >13 >social outcast with no social skills who everyone makes fun of >at a school party >everyone's dancing, I just awkwardly stand there >a stacy from my class comes up 42 KB JPG to me >asks me to dance with a smug look on her face >autism kicks in >just stand there and stare at her for a solid 5 seconds >then just turn and walk the other way as fast as I can >next day in class >overhear the girl talking with her friends >hear her say that her plan was to embarass me but got embarrassed herself for being rejected by such a lowlife >mfw my autism inadvertently made me look like a chad >take that stacy

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Anon has a great dream | /r/Greentext

Funny story >had gf at time. Be sleeping together >having dream about fighting. 37 KB JPG Throwing hooks but it's like I've got the brakes on >apparently making agitated noises and saying "eat s---" in my sleep >gf decides to wake me up thinking I'm having a nightmare >she snaps me out of my dream right as I'm throwing a punch >unload a full force left hook right into her stomach >she rolls of the bed winded >I snap up still confused >scream "eat s--- bob Ross" at the top of my lungs >hear my gf sucking wind and laughing her ass off at the same time
Funny story >had gf at time. Be sleeping together >having dream about fighting. 37 KB JPG Throwing hooks but it's like I've got the brakes on >apparently making agitated noises and saying "eat s---" in my sleep >gf decides to wake me up thinking I'm having a nightmare >she snaps me out of my dream right as I'm throwing a punch >unload a full force left hook right into her stomach >she rolls of the bed winded >I snap up still confused >scream "eat s--- bob Ross" at the top of my lungs >hear my gf sucking wind and laughing her ass off at the same time

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Anon gets dumped | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous !!+mjfJQ4IljD 04/22/21(Thu)21:53:41 No.63335714 >Be me >Be with girlfriend >Girlfriend cheats on me >l break up >She goes with the guy who cucked me 133 KB PNG >A few weeks passes >I stalk the guy a little >Realize he's a drug dealer >Realize he's not very smart >Make a folder with all the proofs >Send the folder to the police by mail >Local narcotic team thank me >They do their job >Ex gf and drug dealer are both in jail right now Did I do the right thing anon ?
: Anonymous !!+mjfJQ4IljD 04/22/21(Thu)21:53:41 No.63335714 >Be me >Be with girlfriend >Girlfriend cheats on me >l break up >She goes with the guy who cucked me 133 KB PNG >A few weeks passes >I stalk the guy a little >Realize he's a drug dealer >Realize he's not very smart >Make a folder with all the proofs >Send the folder to the police by mail >Local narcotic team thank me >They do their job >Ex gf and drug dealer are both in jail right now Did I do the right thing anon ?

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Anon is waiting for the Nobel | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/31/20(Sat)08:53:58 No.838978048 I just had the perfect idea. >vasectomies are reversible >[lightbulb] >enforce a new law >every child with a penis and testicles over the age of 5 must have a vasectomy performed on 719 KB PNG them >the vasectomy may not be legally reversed until the child becomes an adult and deliberately decides that he wants children >reversal is free >libtards are happy because they can f--- each other day in and day out without worrying about making babies >conservatrash is happy because abortions have dropped to zero as they are now rendered obsolete >where's my nobel Thoughts?
: Anonymous 10/31/20(Sat)08:53:58 No.838978048 I just had the perfect idea. >vasectomies are reversible >[lightbulb] >enforce a new law >every child with a penis and testicles over the age of 5 must have a vasectomy performed on 719 KB PNG them >the vasectomy may not be legally reversed until the child becomes an adult and deliberately decides that he wants children >reversal is free >libtards are happy because they can f--- each other day in and day out without worrying about making babies >conservatrash is happy because abortions have dropped to zero as they are now rendered obsolete >where's my nobel Thoughts?

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Anon should go outside | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)10:03:53 No.63663532 >see girl in the rankings on mobile game >look up her name HE FEELS He l DESTINED T sERIs. >find her insta >find her tiktok >watch tons of her vips 85 KB JPG >I love her english accent >imagine our life together >feel suicidal
: Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)10:03:53 No.63663532 >see girl in the rankings on mobile game >look up her name HE FEELS He l DESTINED T sERIs. >find her insta >find her tiktok >watch tons of her vips 85 KB JPG >I love her english accent >imagine our life together >feel suicidal

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Anon plays detective | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/09/19(Sun)16:28:17 No.801798926 >be about 10 >watched a lot of crime shows >see blood on the floor in the bathroom >like a movie detective stuck my 384 KB PNG finger in the blood then put it in my mouth to taste >yep that's blood >fast forward to adulthood >realize it was almost certainly my mom's period blood >>801799213 #
: Anonymous 06/09/19(Sun)16:28:17 No.801798926 >be about 10 >watched a lot of crime shows >see blood on the floor in the bathroom >like a movie detective stuck my 384 KB PNG finger in the blood then put it in my mouth to taste >yep that's blood >fast forward to adulthood >realize it was almost certainly my mom's period blood >>801799213 #

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anon fucking dies | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)03:37:59 No.63663307 >be me >want to try weed to relieve some anxiety from this clown world >legal in my state >go to a weed shop and buy cannabis cookies 9 KB JPG >dude tells me it has 10 doses of 10 mg each so it's 100 mg in total >gives me his phone number to walk me through the process >go home open the really small package and there's only one cookie >didlgetscammed.jpg >eat it anyways and deal with that f----- later >dude tells me to cut it in ten pieces and eat one only since this is my first time >toolateloser.png >be 20 mins later and feel nothing weedanons did I get scammed? What am I doing wrong? Is 100 mg too little? 11 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)04:46:43 No.63663877 >>63663307 (OP) # this n---- dead RIP OP
: Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)03:37:59 No.63663307 >be me >want to try weed to relieve some anxiety from this clown world >legal in my state >go to a weed shop and buy cannabis cookies 9 KB JPG >dude tells me it has 10 doses of 10 mg each so it's 100 mg in total >gives me his phone number to walk me through the process >go home open the really small package and there's only one cookie >didlgetscammed.jpg >eat it anyways and deal with that f----- later >dude tells me to cut it in ten pieces and eat one only since this is my first time >toolateloser.png >be 20 mins later and feel nothing weedanons did I get scammed? What am I doing wrong? Is 100 mg too little? 11 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 05/14/21(Fri)04:46:43 No.63663877 >>63663307 (OP) # this n---- dead RIP OP

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Anon loves his dogs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/04/18(Mon)19:50:41 No.45886460 >have two dogs >ask them "who's a good dog!?" >never tell them who >it's them 8 KB PNG
: Anonymous 06/04/18(Mon)19:50:41 No.45886460 >have two dogs >ask them "who's a good dog!?" >never tell them who >it's them 8 KB PNG

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Anon is a hard worker | /r/Greentext

>be me >barely get through school >scrape into a college >have to work minimum wage whilst in school to survive >barely pass >try to land a job in my field >no one calls back 4 KB JPG >have to do an internship >don't get paid >they don't even give me a job after >back to working minimum wage jobs >sending in my resume to 20 companies a week >get 3 call backs >no interviews >rinse and repeat >finally, after years of trying I get a job in my field >hard work but I like it >low pay though >do it regardless >over the years, rise up the ranks >am now in late 30's, wife and expecting a kid >checking facebook >find out a friend from school has just been living off his parents and not working for like 15 years >mfw This is why people hate neets
>be me >barely get through school >scrape into a college >have to work minimum wage whilst in school to survive >barely pass >try to land a job in my field >no one calls back 4 KB JPG >have to do an internship >don't get paid >they don't even give me a job after >back to working minimum wage jobs >sending in my resume to 20 companies a week >get 3 call backs >no interviews >rinse and repeat >finally, after years of trying I get a job in my field >hard work but I like it >low pay though >do it regardless >over the years, rise up the ranks >am now in late 30's, wife and expecting a kid >checking facebook >find out a friend from school has just been living off his parents and not working for like 15 years >mfw This is why people hate neets

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Anon is a terrible father | /r/Greentext

23 /4/16/3 (Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] [Update] [ Auto] 6 File: 39121e4db703793d2f1f888d3().jpg (39 KB, 470x500) O Anonymous 08/12/20(Wed)17:57:10 No.83413259522834132683 22834132875 2834133068 22834133238 22834133294 >be me >eating breakfast with my 16 blue-haured year old daughter >starts talking about cultural appropriation and other b------- to me >whatever.jpg >she starts going off about trannies and pronouns >can't help it, i start to laugh >she asks >tell her trans people don't get to dictate my language >daughter literally starts crying >tries to argue, but can only stutter >runs off to her room O Anonymous 08/12/20(Wed)17:59.03 No 8341326832a412922 aa41a292 why 22834132595 (OP) Pics of daughter or it didn't happen O Anonymous 08/12/20(Wed)18.03:03 No. 834132875 22834132595 (OP) top kek >wife just shakes her head at me >daughter locks herself in her room for 3 f------ hours >when she finally comes back, her eyes are still bloodshot from crying >has a s--- eating grin on her face >starts referring to me with she/her pronouns >whatever2bigigloo.jpg >follows me around all day going out of her way to misgender me >right before I lose my patience, i get an idea >i just roll with it >tell her to not refer to me as 'dad', but 'mom >she looks confused >tell my wife to start calling me Davina instead of David >daughter is visibly uncomfortable >i start talking in an obnoxious effeminate voice >daughter waddles back into her room in tears again >wife is still unamused >stop off at party city on the way back home from work the next day >buy a cheap ass blonde wig >start wearing it around the house >daughter can't take it anymore Stop it dad, this isn't funny! > tell her to stop being a bigoted transphobe >she is trapped, doesn't know what to do or say >wife tries to keep a straight face >might just have her teach me how to put on makeup >this is not over yet
23 /4/16/3 (Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] [Update] [ Auto] 6 File: 39121e4db703793d2f1f888d3().jpg (39 KB, 470x500) O Anonymous 08/12/20(Wed)17:57:10 No.83413259522834132683 22834132875 2834133068 22834133238 22834133294 >be me >eating breakfast with my 16 blue-haured year old daughter >starts talking about cultural appropriation and other b------- to me >whatever.jpg >she starts going off about trannies and pronouns >can't help it, i start to laugh >she asks >tell her trans people don't get to dictate my language >daughter literally starts crying >tries to argue, but can only stutter >runs off to her room O Anonymous 08/12/20(Wed)17:59.03 No 8341326832a412922 aa41a292 why 22834132595 (OP) Pics of daughter or it didn't happen O Anonymous 08/12/20(Wed)18.03:03 No. 834132875 22834132595 (OP) top kek >wife just shakes her head at me >daughter locks herself in her room for 3 f------ hours >when she finally comes back, her eyes are still bloodshot from crying >has a s--- eating grin on her face >starts referring to me with she/her pronouns >whatever2bigigloo.jpg >follows me around all day going out of her way to misgender me >right before I lose my patience, i get an idea >i just roll with it >tell her to not refer to me as 'dad', but 'mom >she looks confused >tell my wife to start calling me Davina instead of David >daughter is visibly uncomfortable >i start talking in an obnoxious effeminate voice >daughter waddles back into her room in tears again >wife is still unamused >stop off at party city on the way back home from work the next day >buy a cheap ass blonde wig >start wearing it around the house >daughter can't take it anymore Stop it dad, this isn't funny! > tell her to stop being a bigoted transphobe >she is trapped, doesn't know what to do or say >wife tries to keep a straight face >might just have her teach me how to put on makeup >this is not over yet

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Anon’s forays with fibre | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/16/16(Tue)12:24:09 No.699763279 >be fat >go to /fit/ and find a solution tho >main problem is i eat like a dumpster >apparently things with loads of fiber is going to 211 KB JPG save my filthy soul >"Fiber is digested slowly, leaving you feeling full longer, and helps with digestion" >go out and buy two boxes of fiber-heavy breakfast bars >the first day i have fiber bars for breakfast, lunch and a lot of snacks >i dont s--- that day >next day i fiber myself up even more >i dont s--- that day either >fiber jesus is surely working his magic in my colon >can feel the pounds dropping off because im not very hungry anymore >i dont s--- the third day >i dont s--- the fourth day >thefinaldaydawns.mp3 >i have my morning coffee and feel my insides rumble in that familiar way >the second i hit the toilet the weirdest fart in the world exits me >it's whistling >just a thin, continuous airstream of fart that smells like grandpapas coffin >no sound other than the whistling hiss >suddenly stops >the hole is plugged >SOS >this s--- is so solid it feels like i'm giving a--- birth to Dwayne "The rock" Johnson >hang on to the shower curtain and pray >the rock is shot out of my a------ at mach speed >my entire ass is covered in toilet water >now the fun begins >a fart that could do more damage to the ozone layer than aerosol ever did is shooting s--- bullets out of me >solid and prefectly round nuggets >the smell is killing me >blacking out >the thuds of nuggets shooting around the bowl propelled by my insane fiber flatulence is giving me war flashbacks >iwasntevenin'nam.jpeg >my guts are yelling in german >sounds like a moose in heat lives in my belly >most of the s--- isn't even digested at this point >just forced out by all the gas that had been building up to my throat >after an hour it finally seems to be over >im shivering and crying >both legs collapse as i try to stand up >my stomach hitting the bathroom tiles forces one last trumpet >gondorcallsforaid.rar >shakily wipe my ass >completely clean
Anonymous 08/16/16(Tue)12:24:09 No.699763279 >be fat >go to /fit/ and find a solution tho >main problem is i eat like a dumpster >apparently things with loads of fiber is going to 211 KB JPG save my filthy soul >"Fiber is digested slowly, leaving you feeling full longer, and helps with digestion" >go out and buy two boxes of fiber-heavy breakfast bars >the first day i have fiber bars for breakfast, lunch and a lot of snacks >i dont s--- that day >next day i fiber myself up even more >i dont s--- that day either >fiber jesus is surely working his magic in my colon >can feel the pounds dropping off because im not very hungry anymore >i dont s--- the third day >i dont s--- the fourth day >thefinaldaydawns.mp3 >i have my morning coffee and feel my insides rumble in that familiar way >the second i hit the toilet the weirdest fart in the world exits me >it's whistling >just a thin, continuous airstream of fart that smells like grandpapas coffin >no sound other than the whistling hiss >suddenly stops >the hole is plugged >SOS >this s--- is so solid it feels like i'm giving a--- birth to Dwayne "The rock" Johnson >hang on to the shower curtain and pray >the rock is shot out of my a------ at mach speed >my entire ass is covered in toilet water >now the fun begins >a fart that could do more damage to the ozone layer than aerosol ever did is shooting s--- bullets out of me >solid and prefectly round nuggets >the smell is killing me >blacking out >the thuds of nuggets shooting around the bowl propelled by my insane fiber flatulence is giving me war flashbacks >iwasntevenin'nam.jpeg >my guts are yelling in german >sounds like a moose in heat lives in my belly >most of the s--- isn't even digested at this point >just forced out by all the gas that had been building up to my throat >after an hour it finally seems to be over >im shivering and crying >both legs collapse as i try to stand up >my stomach hitting the bathroom tiles forces one last trumpet >gondorcallsforaid.rar >shakily wipe my ass >completely clean

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Anon goes to target | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)22:23:04 No.854369447 b81-1.png 394 KB PNG >be me >go to target to get new earbuds because old ones craped out >Pass by clothing display >lt's pride month so they have gay s--- on display that says "#takepride" >They use the gay + trans + People of color flag >mfw all I have to say now is "I'm homophobic" and not "I'm racist, transphobic and homophobic."
: Anonymous 05/13/21(Thu)22:23:04 No.854369447 b81-1.png 394 KB PNG >be me >go to target to get new earbuds because old ones craped out >Pass by clothing display >lt's pride month so they have gay s--- on display that says "#takepride" >They use the gay + trans + People of color flag >mfw all I have to say now is "I'm homophobic" and not "I'm racist, transphobic and homophobic."

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Anon meets new friend on Xbox Live | /r/Greentext

>in 2007 >15 >playing Modern Warfare on Xbox Live >end up killing each other with a guy over and over in tdm >invites me to play with him >accept invite >we start speaking via voicechat thingy >he is 13 >we chat about random s--- >suddenly background noise from his part >his parents arguing >"damn, it sounds pretty heated" >"they argue all the time, got used to it, dad lately started hitting mom though" >"jesus that sounds horrible" >"well, it kinda helps when I imagine it's a dark gag in a Family Guy episode"
>in 2007 >15 >playing Modern Warfare on Xbox Live >end up killing each other with a guy over and over in tdm >invites me to play with him >accept invite >we start speaking via voicechat thingy >he is 13 >we chat about random s--- >suddenly background noise from his part >his parents arguing >"damn, it sounds pretty heated" >"they argue all the time, got used to it, dad lately started hitting mom though" >"jesus that sounds horrible" >"well, it kinda helps when I imagine it's a dark gag in a Family Guy episode"

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Anon distrusts crypto | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: Zwfn0gJH Imagine... 05/01/21(Sat)11:17:41 No.319493977 >be me B >Be an arbitrary currency that is not backed by anything >be the source of inflation caused by over-speculation and the over- reliance on investment fırms >be the source of revenue for 130 KB JPG criminals, ponzi schemes and multi-level marketing scams >be the US Dollar Pic unrelated.
: Anonymous (ID: Zwfn0gJH Imagine... 05/01/21(Sat)11:17:41 No.319493977 >be me B >Be an arbitrary currency that is not backed by anything >be the source of inflation caused by over-speculation and the over- reliance on investment fırms >be the source of revenue for 130 KB JPG criminals, ponzi schemes and multi-level marketing scams >be the US Dollar Pic unrelated.

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Anon is a hero | /r/Greentext

1• #766898005 4/25/18, 8:11 PM >be me, in mexico to visit friends >not my first rodeo, pickpockets beware >cut hole in pocket, slip d--- in hole >take public transport, wait for my mark >there he is, punk w/ sticky fingers >make myself an easy mark, not too obvious >few minutes later, kid tries to lift wallet, touches penis >he knows it, i know it >my face as he looks at me with disqust and he gets off the next step Mexico is a great place
1• #766898005 4/25/18, 8:11 PM >be me, in mexico to visit friends >not my first rodeo, pickpockets beware >cut hole in pocket, slip d--- in hole >take public transport, wait for my mark >there he is, punk w/ sticky fingers >make myself an easy mark, not too obvious >few minutes later, kid tries to lift wallet, touches penis >he knows it, i know it >my face as he looks at me with disqust and he gets off the next step Mexico is a great place

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