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Anon decides to do some dumb shit on the last day of school | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)15:55:59 No.848014947 >>848010596 (OP)_# >be me >last day at school >decide to do some dumb s--- >class and teachers stand outside for a group picture >l am in the classroom directly above them >idea.jpg >fill up trashcan with water >dump all of it out the windows onto the teachers >The force of the water takes the top and the skirt of one of the female teachers down >mfw I f------ stripped a teacher naked and everyone saw it, she basically only had her panties left on >Adrenaline rush I f------ bail >They wouldnt catch me if some of the f------ snitches girls who saw me didnt say anything >becoming a legend in the eyes of the boys, get in trouble with everyone else >Thankfully I already had my graduation papers >Cringe every time I remember that s---
: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)15:55:59 No.848014947 >>848010596 (OP)_# >be me >last day at school >decide to do some dumb s--- >class and teachers stand outside for a group picture >l am in the classroom directly above them >idea.jpg >fill up trashcan with water >dump all of it out the windows onto the teachers >The force of the water takes the top and the skirt of one of the female teachers down >mfw I f------ stripped a teacher naked and everyone saw it, she basically only had her panties left on >Adrenaline rush I f------ bail >They wouldnt catch me if some of the f------ snitches girls who saw me didnt say anything >becoming a legend in the eyes of the boys, get in trouble with everyone else >Thankfully I already had my graduation papers >Cringe every time I remember that s---

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Anon is becoming an adult | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/01/20(Sat)21:02:27 No.56535266 >talking to my dad about my depression >explaining passive suicidality >"while I'm not going to actively try to kill myself, if a truck was coming straight at me I probably wouldn't get out of the way" >his reply 93 KB JPG >his f------ reply >"oh that's how I've felt my whole life" >mfw
: Anonymous 02/01/20(Sat)21:02:27 No.56535266 >talking to my dad about my depression >explaining passive suicidality >"while I'm not going to actively try to kill myself, if a truck was coming straight at me I probably wouldn't get out of the way" >his reply 93 KB JPG >his f------ reply >"oh that's how I've felt my whole life" >mfw

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Anon The Dog Person | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 790197942 49 min. ago •.. >at a party >sitting alone and petting dog because aspergers.jpg >cute 6/10 with nice tight bod comes up to me > "hehe are you more of a dog person than a cat person anon" Autism kicks in 178.3 kB JPG > "hehe a holes a hole to me"
Anonymous | 790197942 49 min. ago •.. >at a party >sitting alone and petting dog because aspergers.jpg >cute 6/10 with nice tight bod comes up to me > "hehe are you more of a dog person than a cat person anon" Autism kicks in 178.3 kB JPG > "hehe a holes a hole to me"

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anon rakes in the points | /r/Greentext

>go to whataburger this morning with mummy for my daily tendies- brekky >everything's going as usual >there's a new employee at the drive-through window >he says the tendies are being 37 KB PNG cooked and that i'll have to wait a few minutes >mummy offers 5 Good Boy Points if i just let it slide >accept her offer; should have played hardball in retrospect >the person hands the tendies to mummy after SEVEN minutes >says "sorry about the wait, here's your chicken strips" >strips >REEEEEEEEEEEEE >scream "THEY'RE CALLED TENDIES YOU NORMALSCUM WAGESLAVE" >mummy apologizes and explains my condition to the man >he's visibly restraining himself from laughing >cry to mummy about why life is unfair and blame her for giving me s----- genes >she breaks down crying and gives me 10 bonus GBP >better than usual tendies-brekky, couldn't have planned it better she's still crying in the next room. think i can milk her for more points?
>go to whataburger this morning with mummy for my daily tendies- brekky >everything's going as usual >there's a new employee at the drive-through window >he says the tendies are being 37 KB PNG cooked and that i'll have to wait a few minutes >mummy offers 5 Good Boy Points if i just let it slide >accept her offer; should have played hardball in retrospect >the person hands the tendies to mummy after SEVEN minutes >says "sorry about the wait, here's your chicken strips" >strips >REEEEEEEEEEEEE >scream "THEY'RE CALLED TENDIES YOU NORMALSCUM WAGESLAVE" >mummy apologizes and explains my condition to the man >he's visibly restraining himself from laughing >cry to mummy about why life is unfair and blame her for giving me s----- genes >she breaks down crying and gives me 10 bonus GBP >better than usual tendies-brekky, couldn't have planned it better she's still crying in the next room. think i can milk her for more points?

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anon dislikes china | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/29/20(Sun)14:50:38 No.841197436 >On twitter >I tell a commie I don't trust the Chinese government >"Explain yourself, capitalist pig" >carefully lay out a long list of human rights violations and lies by the CCP 52 KB JPG >"The CCP has denied all the of those claims, you're just xenophobic" I don't even know anymore man
: Anonymous 11/29/20(Sun)14:50:38 No.841197436 >On twitter >I tell a commie I don't trust the Chinese government >"Explain yourself, capitalist pig" >carefully lay out a long list of human rights violations and lies by the CCP 52 KB JPG >"The CCP has denied all the of those claims, you're just xenophobic" I don't even know anymore man

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Anon works at chick fil a | /r/Greentext

D Anon is an arsonist Anonymous 19/04/02(Tue)21:46 No. 3421 [Reply] File 155423436523.jpg - (144.36KB , 1000x847, VZGYWFO.jpg) >be me >working at chick-fil-a >doing a promo where you get a free entree or a meal for looking like a cow (costume-meal, tshirt=Dentree) >been super busy >tired as f--- >finaly it cools down a bit >landwhale and her daughter come up, they order 2 #1meals and diet(offcourse) cocke >give it to them for free >confusion.mp4 >say we "are doing a promo" and point to the sign >they walk away hàppy, oblivious to the fourth degree burn that just went down >mfw
D Anon is an arsonist Anonymous 19/04/02(Tue)21:46 No. 3421 [Reply] File 155423436523.jpg - (144.36KB , 1000x847, VZGYWFO.jpg) >be me >working at chick-fil-a >doing a promo where you get a free entree or a meal for looking like a cow (costume-meal, tshirt=Dentree) >been super busy >tired as f--- >finaly it cools down a bit >landwhale and her daughter come up, they order 2 #1meals and diet(offcourse) cocke >give it to them for free >confusion.mp4 >say we "are doing a promo" and point to the sign >they walk away hàppy, oblivious to the fourth degree burn that just went down >mfw

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Anon hates fat people | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)22:22:33 No.62367736 >Getting increasingly angry at my fat sister for being fat. >Resent having to sit next to her at things like theaters. >Was subtle for years but now 9 KB JPG telling her she needs to improve her ability to bend down to get things so she can stop crying at me to do it every day or telling her she needs to make sure she can fit in a plane seat when we go on family trips. >Repulsed by her three chins, can't remember the last time I hugged her outside of a funeral. >Hate the fat slur in her voice and her breathing struggles while watching Tv. I should feel like a a------ but I don't.
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)22:22:33 No.62367736 >Getting increasingly angry at my fat sister for being fat. >Resent having to sit next to her at things like theaters. >Was subtle for years but now 9 KB JPG telling her she needs to improve her ability to bend down to get things so she can stop crying at me to do it every day or telling her she needs to make sure she can fit in a plane seat when we go on family trips. >Repulsed by her three chins, can't remember the last time I hugged her outside of a funeral. >Hate the fat slur in her voice and her breathing struggles while watching Tv. I should feel like a a------ but I don't.

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Not a greentext, but still a story. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/19/16(Sat)20:57:24 No.712259330 Walking home today some f----- bumped into me and instantly started talking s--- about aluminum being the best metal. I tried to remain calm and explain to him that iron was actually the best metal, but he wouldn't take a hint. He started throwing around words like "rust" and I lost it. Punched him right in his aluminum- 11 KB JPG loving f--- face. I hate aluminum so goddamn much.
: Anonymous 11/19/16(Sat)20:57:24 No.712259330 Walking home today some f----- bumped into me and instantly started talking s--- about aluminum being the best metal. I tried to remain calm and explain to him that iron was actually the best metal, but he wouldn't take a hint. He started throwing around words like "rust" and I lost it. Punched him right in his aluminum- 11 KB JPG loving f--- face. I hate aluminum so goddamn much.

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anon is not so different | /r/Greentext

>in my room >dad yelling at me because abusive >calls me a retard >autism kicks in >"takes one to know one" 143 KB PNG he's throwing bottles at me now what do i do
>in my room >dad yelling at me because abusive >calls me a retard >autism kicks in >"takes one to know one" 143 KB PNG he's throwing bottles at me now what do i do

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OP doesn't like cooking | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)15:29:20 No.15636937 >the fish you're about to cook picks its head up from the counter, says your name, and begs not to be cooked 44 KB PNG
: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)15:29:20 No.15636937 >the fish you're about to cook picks its head up from the counter, says your name, and begs not to be cooked 44 KB PNG

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Anon is a redditor | /r/Greentext

File: pgYSqgC. jpg (29 KB, 557x317) O Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)11:50:26 No.848006549 [Reply] >>848006596 i haven't had sex in nearly a year Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)11:51:27 No.848006596 >>848006549 (OP) i haven't had sex
File: pgYSqgC. jpg (29 KB, 557x317) O Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)11:50:26 No.848006549 [Reply] >>848006596 i haven't had sex in nearly a year Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)11:51:27 No.848006596 >>848006549 (OP) i haven't had sex

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Anons physics teacher is an old drunk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)23:49:40 No.848046219 > high school > physics teacher is an old drunk. He looked like redneck Robert De Niro on crack > during class, my friend says that je does not want to have kids. > I dont remember why he said it, but he was reacting to something, that the teacher have said > teacher gets up > slowly walkes to my friend > he took out of his pocket opening knife > puts it in front of the friend > "cut your balls off" > "wha-what?" (friend was around 15) > "you don't want kids, you don't need balls" > "I'm waiting" > he stood there for about three minutes. Then took the knife, wallked back and continued with the lesson He drunk himself to death year later
: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)23:49:40 No.848046219 > high school > physics teacher is an old drunk. He looked like redneck Robert De Niro on crack > during class, my friend says that je does not want to have kids. > I dont remember why he said it, but he was reacting to something, that the teacher have said > teacher gets up > slowly walkes to my friend > he took out of his pocket opening knife > puts it in front of the friend > "cut your balls off" > "wha-what?" (friend was around 15) > "you don't want kids, you don't need balls" > "I'm waiting" > he stood there for about three minutes. Then took the knife, wallked back and continued with the lesson He drunk himself to death year later

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Anon watches a documentary | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/27/12(Wed)18:06:49 No. 2903512 >13 years old, have had boners many many times before, just not know what the point was >In my room secretly watching documentary about danish strippers >Have r-----------, I'm just staring at it and raging thinking "what the f--- is the point.." >Decided to continue watching another ten minutes of the documentary >R----------- still annoying the hell out of me, decide to grab it really hard and maybe "choke" it to sleep >Feels kinda good, wat is this!? >Start experimenting with different motions, feels better and better >HHHHHNNNNNNNGGGGG >What the f--- just happened >Get scared shitless, thinking this is not normal. >Quickly turn off TV, go to bed, terrified that I broke my d--- somehow. >Didn't jack it for another week just to be sure that everything was ok.
: Anonymous 06/27/12(Wed)18:06:49 No. 2903512 >13 years old, have had boners many many times before, just not know what the point was >In my room secretly watching documentary about danish strippers >Have r-----------, I'm just staring at it and raging thinking "what the f--- is the point.." >Decided to continue watching another ten minutes of the documentary >R----------- still annoying the hell out of me, decide to grab it really hard and maybe "choke" it to sleep >Feels kinda good, wat is this!? >Start experimenting with different motions, feels better and better >HHHHHNNNNNNNGGGGG >What the f--- just happened >Get scared shitless, thinking this is not normal. >Quickly turn off TV, go to bed, terrified that I broke my d--- somehow. >Didn't jack it for another week just to be sure that everything was ok.

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Anon's friend needs to be potty trained | /r/Greentext

File: plstp.jpg (14 KB, 312x245) "that guy" stories Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)13:10:45 No.62444259 [Reply] ► >>62444303 >>62444882 This was a decade ago but it still haunts me >be me, 19, uni student >visit friend in his new apartment >he's also 19, just moved out his parents' place >play vidya with him >have to take a s---, use his bathroom >can't find tp >m----------- used it up and didn't replace the roll >f------ children living on their own for the first time >luckily got some tissues with me, use those >get back to vidya >"yo mate, you ran out of tp" >"nah I don't need any" >"what do you mean you don't need any?" >"I just flush without looking." >awkward pause >.. >.. >WHAT?! >m----------- thought tp was just there to cover your s--- so you don't have to look at it while you flush >says he never looks back at his s---, that's weird >says he saves money >my f------ face when
File: plstp.jpg (14 KB, 312x245) "that guy" stories Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)13:10:45 No.62444259 [Reply] ► >>62444303 >>62444882 This was a decade ago but it still haunts me >be me, 19, uni student >visit friend in his new apartment >he's also 19, just moved out his parents' place >play vidya with him >have to take a s---, use his bathroom >can't find tp >m----------- used it up and didn't replace the roll >f------ children living on their own for the first time >luckily got some tissues with me, use those >get back to vidya >"yo mate, you ran out of tp" >"nah I don't need any" >"what do you mean you don't need any?" >"I just flush without looking." >awkward pause >.. >.. >WHAT?! >m----------- thought tp was just there to cover your s--- so you don't have to look at it while you flush >says he never looks back at his s---, that's weird >says he saves money >my f------ face when

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Anon is a gamer | /r/Greentext

File: pepegamer.jpg (138 KB, 880x793) Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)21:29:29 No.848027878 >be me >gaming alone in room with two friends who are together >they start making out >mind my own business and concentrate on my game >all of a sudden start f------ like rabbits >still concentrated on my game >mfw I start rethinking my life decisions
File: pepegamer.jpg (138 KB, 880x793) Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)21:29:29 No.848027878 >be me >gaming alone in room with two friends who are together >they start making out >mind my own business and concentrate on my game >all of a sudden start f------ like rabbits >still concentrated on my game >mfw I start rethinking my life decisions

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anon gets a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

File: 212333.png (60 KB, 500x751) O Anonymous 02/04/19(Mon)06:43:07 No.50789300 (F Anon, what is your most cringe/embarrassing story? The s >be me >11 year old latchkey kid >always f------ horny >rub my d--- on everything in the house >eventually stick d--- into leather couch cushions >feelsgood.jpg >c-- all over cushions, clean with wet rag >do this afterschool everyday for a month >couch is basically first girlfriend >birthday comes around on a weekday >get home and start undressing >kneel in front of her and rub her cushions >happybirthdaytome >spit on my d--- and start pounding sad birthday pepe >push down on cushions for more pressure >start to c-- when parents burst in with gifts >stare at each other as I'm finishing >mom starts crying, dad starts yelling >frozen in fear, faint like a bitch >wake up in my bed, dad carried me >new ps2 and cake on nightstand >cry all night >next morning, it never happened >parents have literally never brought it up again >its been 18 years >dad buys new couch this weekend for living room >dad and I carry it into the living room >put it down, he thanks me and starts heading upstairs >iay on new couch to watch tv >dad turns around and looks at me >"try to be gentle with this one" >fingerguns.gif >mfw
File: 212333.png (60 KB, 500x751) O Anonymous 02/04/19(Mon)06:43:07 No.50789300 (F Anon, what is your most cringe/embarrassing story? The s >be me >11 year old latchkey kid >always f------ horny >rub my d--- on everything in the house >eventually stick d--- into leather couch cushions >feelsgood.jpg >c-- all over cushions, clean with wet rag >do this afterschool everyday for a month >couch is basically first girlfriend >birthday comes around on a weekday >get home and start undressing >kneel in front of her and rub her cushions >happybirthdaytome >spit on my d--- and start pounding sad birthday pepe >push down on cushions for more pressure >start to c-- when parents burst in with gifts >stare at each other as I'm finishing >mom starts crying, dad starts yelling >frozen in fear, faint like a bitch >wake up in my bed, dad carried me >new ps2 and cake on nightstand >cry all night >next morning, it never happened >parents have literally never brought it up again >its been 18 years >dad buys new couch this weekend for living room >dad and I carry it into the living room >put it down, he thanks me and starts heading upstairs >iay on new couch to watch tv >dad turns around and looks at me >"try to be gentle with this one" >fingerguns.gif >mfw

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Can't believe he would say that in front of Steve | /r/Greentext

family feud time bois Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)20:52:26 No.118860471 >>118860921 >Steve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?" >Contestant: "The penis" >SH: "A WUH... HUH??" >audience erupts into laughter >Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself >laughter gets even louder >SH: "O lordy.." >one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hard >SH: "YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP" >the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls >the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself >SH: (putting on a weary voice) "Survey says..." >the board shows 100 for "penis" >Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an end
family feud time bois Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)20:52:26 No.118860471 >>118860921 >Steve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?" >Contestant: "The penis" >SH: "A WUH... HUH??" >audience erupts into laughter >Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself >laughter gets even louder >SH: "O lordy.." >one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hard >SH: "YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP" >the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls >the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself >SH: (putting on a weary voice) "Survey says..." >the board shows 100 for "penis" >Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an end

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Anon is an entrepreneur | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)22:07:50 No.846494030 EZ money >make a bunch of Reddit accounts >make a bunch of very fake tweets with black people as the profile pic >upload to r/blackpeopletwitter >gain a bunch of karma on the accounts 11 KB JPG >sell them for $10 each >been doing this for six months, made $620 for doing almost nothing
: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)22:07:50 No.846494030 EZ money >make a bunch of Reddit accounts >make a bunch of very fake tweets with black people as the profile pic >upload to r/blackpeopletwitter >gain a bunch of karma on the accounts 11 KB JPG >sell them for $10 each >been doing this for six months, made $620 for doing almost nothing

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Anon uses google translate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: YWGR3XT7 02/19/21(Fri)20:50:56 No.308921358 Go to google translator English to Latin "Quarantine" S--- bricks 577 KB PNG : Anonymous (ID: YWGR3X17 02/19/21(Fri)20:51:50 No.308921463 Forgot to mention: keep translating it back and forth. >>308923712 # >>308927857 # >>308927908 # >>308928789 # >>308929106 # >>308929346 # >>308930244 #
: Anonymous (ID: YWGR3XT7 02/19/21(Fri)20:50:56 No.308921358 Go to google translator English to Latin "Quarantine" S--- bricks 577 KB PNG : Anonymous (ID: YWGR3X17 02/19/21(Fri)20:51:50 No.308921463 Forgot to mention: keep translating it back and forth. >>308923712 # >>308927857 # >>308927908 # >>308928789 # >>308929106 # >>308929346 # >>308930244 #

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Anon gives a driving lesson | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)12:05:41 No.848022273 File: 1545453930760.jpg (10 KB, 259x194) >>848010596 (OP) >High school is open campus >incident with a white autist vet coming in and waving a shotgun >no one is hurt but school decides to switch to closed campus >They want to build an iron fence around the school but don't have the funding >start slashing electives like retards, end up pissing of most people. >JROTC, French, cooking, car workshop, metal shop, and flower arrangement all cut >It causes actual student and parent protests but the school doesn't give a s--- >They start building over the summer >Costs more than expected and so they run out of funding with only 40% of the fence finished >there are literal door frames with no fence around them >Everyone is even more p----- but once again the school doesn't care >Within the first week of the semester a friend of mine starts learning how do drive >her older sister is teaching her >the 3 of us stay late after school to hangout at, leave around 7 so its starting to get dark. >almost no one is here, older sister decides its a good time to teach friend how to back out of a parking space >Friend panics and floors it while in reverse >smash into the fence >its so s----- it falls over and sets off a reaction that tears down most of the section >Sister takes over and floors it out of there >Next school day we have an auditorium conference >Faculty think someone knocked the fence down on purpose in protest, they suspect the JROTC kids >try to scare a confession out of the students but no one comes forward >the security cameras don't work, they were just for show >never get caught for causing tens of thousands in damage to the school >they stay open campus
Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)12:05:41 No.848022273 File: 1545453930760.jpg (10 KB, 259x194) >>848010596 (OP) >High school is open campus >incident with a white autist vet coming in and waving a shotgun >no one is hurt but school decides to switch to closed campus >They want to build an iron fence around the school but don't have the funding >start slashing electives like retards, end up pissing of most people. >JROTC, French, cooking, car workshop, metal shop, and flower arrangement all cut >It causes actual student and parent protests but the school doesn't give a s--- >They start building over the summer >Costs more than expected and so they run out of funding with only 40% of the fence finished >there are literal door frames with no fence around them >Everyone is even more p----- but once again the school doesn't care >Within the first week of the semester a friend of mine starts learning how do drive >her older sister is teaching her >the 3 of us stay late after school to hangout at, leave around 7 so its starting to get dark. >almost no one is here, older sister decides its a good time to teach friend how to back out of a parking space >Friend panics and floors it while in reverse >smash into the fence >its so s----- it falls over and sets off a reaction that tears down most of the section >Sister takes over and floors it out of there >Next school day we have an auditorium conference >Faculty think someone knocked the fence down on purpose in protest, they suspect the JROTC kids >try to scare a confession out of the students but no one comes forward >the security cameras don't work, they were just for show >never get caught for causing tens of thousands in damage to the school >they stay open campus

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