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Anon isn't very smart | /r/Greentext

most retarded moments thread ? > be me > be 11 > in car with family heading home from county fair 100 KB JPG > dad wants dinner > mom hands me the phone book and tells me to look up the number for the place dad wanted so she could check the wait > for whatever f------ reason I hear "get rid of this" > roll down the window and chunk the phone book as we're going 80 on the interstate
most retarded moments thread ? > be me > be 11 > in car with family heading home from county fair 100 KB JPG > dad wants dinner > mom hands me the phone book and tells me to look up the number for the place dad wanted so she could check the wait > for whatever f------ reason I hear "get rid of this" > roll down the window and chunk the phone book as we're going 80 on the interstate

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What lies in our power to do, lies in our power not to do | /r/Greentext

File: 1610068571082.jpg (33 KB, 657x527) Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)18:57:26 No.62270508 [Reply] >>62270665 >>62270677 >>62270781 >>62270796 >lesbian strapon p--- >about to nut >realize im alone im my room, behind my computer screen, how pathetic i am >f--- this s--- >close p--- and go take a shower I consider this a win L 2 roplies omitted Click boro to viow
File: 1610068571082.jpg (33 KB, 657x527) Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)18:57:26 No.62270508 [Reply] >>62270665 >>62270677 >>62270781 >>62270796 >lesbian strapon p--- >about to nut >realize im alone im my room, behind my computer screen, how pathetic i am >f--- this s--- >close p--- and go take a shower I consider this a win L 2 roplies omitted Click boro to viow

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anon goes to the gym | /r/Greentext

File: apu sing.jpg (30 KB, 810x362) Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)13:04:08 No.59886904 [Reply] ► >>59891650 2700 > walk into gym > THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST > OF YOU
File: apu sing.jpg (30 KB, 810x362) Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)13:04:08 No.59886904 [Reply] ► >>59891650 2700 > walk into gym > THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST > OF YOU

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Dad of the year | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)16:06:25 No.62362046 >live with friend and his wife >lockdown hit last March and got bored as he'll being stuck home all the time so I fap a bunch >friends wife walks in on me tuggin not once but three times in a week. 63 KB JPG >suggests a threesome with her and my friend >we all fug. Friend notes how I have high sex drive wouldn't mind loaning me his wife whenever I feel backed up. >once a week turned into 2 or e times and snowballed into daily. >flash foreword to 4 months ago and u was getting it on with her 2 or 3 times as often as my friend. Legit multiple times a day sometimes. >her period runs late >find out she is 5 weeks along >friend is jumping for joy at the thought of becoming a father I'm a horrible person.
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)16:06:25 No.62362046 >live with friend and his wife >lockdown hit last March and got bored as he'll being stuck home all the time so I fap a bunch >friends wife walks in on me tuggin not once but three times in a week. 63 KB JPG >suggests a threesome with her and my friend >we all fug. Friend notes how I have high sex drive wouldn't mind loaning me his wife whenever I feel backed up. >once a week turned into 2 or e times and snowballed into daily. >flash foreword to 4 months ago and u was getting it on with her 2 or 3 times as often as my friend. Legit multiple times a day sometimes. >her period runs late >find out she is 5 weeks along >friend is jumping for joy at the thought of becoming a father I'm a horrible person.

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Anon finds happiness from porn | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/09/18(Sun)10:50:38 No.49755013 >tfw I see a d--- in a p--- vid that's smaller than mine Is there a better feel than this? 806 KB PNG View Thread
: Anonymous 12/09/18(Sun)10:50:38 No.49755013 >tfw I see a d--- in a p--- vid that's smaller than mine Is there a better feel than this? 806 KB PNG View Thread

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Full employment act | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)09:16:12 No.62356259 >read provided course math textbook >be hopelessly confused, not even begin to understand >go to 2 hr class, lose track in 5 minutes 267 KB PNG >go home and copy paste homework instructions into youtube >understand how to do it in 5 minutes
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)09:16:12 No.62356259 >read provided course math textbook >be hopelessly confused, not even begin to understand >go to 2 hr class, lose track in 5 minutes 267 KB PNG >go home and copy paste homework instructions into youtube >understand how to do it in 5 minutes

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Anon takes a shit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)12:32:12 No.62359806 >restroom finally empty >walk in stall to take a dump >start power s------- >someone walks in and goes into 1S the stall next to me 43 KB JPG EVERY F------ TIME. WHY
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)12:32:12 No.62359806 >restroom finally empty >walk in stall to take a dump >start power s------- >someone walks in and goes into 1S the stall next to me 43 KB JPG EVERY F------ TIME. WHY

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Anon has a Good Day | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)18:50:41 No.847537835 >be me >wakes up in morning >got to thank god >idk why but today seemed weird >dog wasn't barking >los angeles sky wasn't polluted >mom cooked breakfast without bacon which was a nice change 9 KB JPG >didn't overeat >crush called me >said i'd see her later while i was leaving the house >wondering if i'm going to get shot >get in my convertible >girls love it >stopped at red light >looked around, no one sketchy >s---- chill >kym hit me up saying she's horny >asked the guys where they were playing basketball >i kick ass at basketball >got a trip dub >freaking people out like michael jackson Today was a good day
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)18:50:41 No.847537835 >be me >wakes up in morning >got to thank god >idk why but today seemed weird >dog wasn't barking >los angeles sky wasn't polluted >mom cooked breakfast without bacon which was a nice change 9 KB JPG >didn't overeat >crush called me >said i'd see her later while i was leaving the house >wondering if i'm going to get shot >get in my convertible >girls love it >stopped at red light >looked around, no one sketchy >s---- chill >kym hit me up saying she's horny >asked the guys where they were playing basketball >i kick ass at basketball >got a trip dub >freaking people out like michael jackson Today was a good day

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Anon lives in Texas | /r/Greentext

Техas Customers Tracked: 12,264,998 State Outages: 1,834,260 Last Updated: 2/15/2021, 11:25:31 AM Outage Scale: 0% 10% 30% 60% 100s >be me >be texasfag >be today >power out >fuckfuckfuck.jpg >le idea >put router on server UPS >thiswillholditover.xml >be now >12 hours later >ups is dying, 20 minutes left >fuckfuckfuck(2).jpg
Техas Customers Tracked: 12,264,998 State Outages: 1,834,260 Last Updated: 2/15/2021, 11:25:31 AM Outage Scale: 0% 10% 30% 60% 100s >be me >be texasfag >be today >power out >fuckfuckfuck.jpg >le idea >put router on server UPS >thiswillholditover.xml >be now >12 hours later >ups is dying, 20 minutes left >fuckfuckfuck(2).jpg

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Anon has a cat | /r/Greentext

1h: 45652232·9 Replies · 3 Images JPG 13KB · (255 × 218) 2 Replies good feels thread! I'll start. >have cat >cat wanna be pet >petting makes cat happy >i'm happy thank you cat
1h: 45652232·9 Replies · 3 Images JPG 13KB · (255 × 218) 2 Replies good feels thread! I'll start. >have cat >cat wanna be pet >petting makes cat happy >i'm happy thank you cat

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Anon goes to the cinema | /r/Greentext

File: 1442571422947.jpg (220 KB, 1182x966) Anonymous 03/07/16(Mon)18:05:16 No.672747306 [Reply] ► >>672749164 >be me >going to see the viewing of Zootopia >in the theater here they have an RPX viewing place where you can reserve seats >reserve the entire row, costs me almost $150 >this is the best row, the one right by the stairs >the one that all the moms with their little s---- go to sit at because it's the easiest to get to >sit right in the middle >hot cooked food to the left, drink, popcorn to the right >moms start pouring in with their spawn >trying to sit down >"sorry but all of these seats are reserved" >"for who?" >"for me" >"you can't do thať" >"yes, I can" >almost every single one of them ask to go see a manager, carrying their spawn along with them >manager comes in, I show him the tickets with the seat spot numbers as proof that I reserved the seats >"sorry ma'am, he reserved them, but there are plenty of other seats to sit at" >at this point they don't even care where they sit, they just don't want me to win >they start complaining to the manager about how it's b------- that I get to reserve every seat in the row and how they should change their policy to where each person can only reserve one seat and bla bla bla >manager backs me up though, what a trooper >they accept defeat and take their seats >few moments later, some people come in without kids, and go to sit down in the row I reserved >soccer mom in the row above me tells them in a very bitchy way "you can't sit there, he reserved every single seat in that row just for him. It's b-------" >"no it's fine, you guys can sit here" >this just pisses her off more >she storms out and gets a manager again >hear her yelling at the manager about how he's discriminating against her >she threatens to leave >he kid starts crying >she admits defeat again and sits down >l audibly laugh >"that's it" >she grabs her kid by the arm and leaves >mfw
File: 1442571422947.jpg (220 KB, 1182x966) Anonymous 03/07/16(Mon)18:05:16 No.672747306 [Reply] ► >>672749164 >be me >going to see the viewing of Zootopia >in the theater here they have an RPX viewing place where you can reserve seats >reserve the entire row, costs me almost $150 >this is the best row, the one right by the stairs >the one that all the moms with their little s---- go to sit at because it's the easiest to get to >sit right in the middle >hot cooked food to the left, drink, popcorn to the right >moms start pouring in with their spawn >trying to sit down >"sorry but all of these seats are reserved" >"for who?" >"for me" >"you can't do thať" >"yes, I can" >almost every single one of them ask to go see a manager, carrying their spawn along with them >manager comes in, I show him the tickets with the seat spot numbers as proof that I reserved the seats >"sorry ma'am, he reserved them, but there are plenty of other seats to sit at" >at this point they don't even care where they sit, they just don't want me to win >they start complaining to the manager about how it's b------- that I get to reserve every seat in the row and how they should change their policy to where each person can only reserve one seat and bla bla bla >manager backs me up though, what a trooper >they accept defeat and take their seats >few moments later, some people come in without kids, and go to sit down in the row I reserved >soccer mom in the row above me tells them in a very bitchy way "you can't sit there, he reserved every single seat in that row just for him. It's b-------" >"no it's fine, you guys can sit here" >this just pisses her off more >she storms out and gets a manager again >hear her yelling at the manager about how he's discriminating against her >she threatens to leave >he kid starts crying >she admits defeat again and sits down >l audibly laugh >"that's it" >she grabs her kid by the arm and leaves >mfw

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Anon old classmate | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: GiVukYbo) 06/20/14(Fri)10:28:03 No.552114428 [Reply] ► >went to highschool with this guy >dude literally had no neck >had to turn his whole body to look at something. >pivot master >he was kind of a prick too >in gym class one day >go back to locker rooms and s--- >after showering >goes to get his bag with clothes >some filled it full of bottles of head & shoulders >i laughed for goddamn week.
Anonymous (ID: GiVukYbo) 06/20/14(Fri)10:28:03 No.552114428 [Reply] ► >went to highschool with this guy >dude literally had no neck >had to turn his whole body to look at something. >pivot master >he was kind of a prick too >in gym class one day >go back to locker rooms and s--- >after showering >goes to get his bag with clothes >some filled it full of bottles of head & shoulders >i laughed for goddamn week.

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Anon appreciates modern conveniences | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Shitpost 02/16/21(Tue)10:20:32 No.62357986 >be me in 2021 >sit down on toilet >s--- >turn on bidet, ass gets sprayed clean >dry asscrack off with toilet paper >flush >s--- disappears 22 KB JPG Thank you modern conveniences
: Anonymous Shitpost 02/16/21(Tue)10:20:32 No.62357986 >be me in 2021 >sit down on toilet >s--- >turn on bidet, ass gets sprayed clean >dry asscrack off with toilet paper >flush >s--- disappears 22 KB JPG Thank you modern conveniences

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how2workout | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/31/17(Thu)21:09:25 No.42700771 File: mgCLuzj.png (58 KB, 151x150) >>42701707 >>42701764 >>42701849 >>42701921 >>42697730 (OP) >be me >confused my muscles every which way possible >starting to see a plateau >devise a plan to finally get my gains back on track >one day ask gf for a haircut >sit down, nice and relaxed >immediately smash my head against the kitchen counter >place myself in a medical coma >muscles have no clue what is going on, they think its the end >get pronounced legally dead >begin to snigger inside my head at the absolute bewilderment my muscles are going to receive >get placed in coffin >muscles think its really the end, they've given up >placed in the ground >dirt begins to fall on the coffin >now is my time to strike >let loose a thunderous CMON as I punch through the coffin lid >family and friends scream in horror at the sight of my bloated corpse ripping through the flimsy wood >muscles haven't even woken up yet >launch myself out of the grave (functional strength) >sprint to my car >power down the highway to the nearest gym >pick up a dumbbell and beginning my 8 hour arm workout >muscles are in complete and utter panic, have no idea whats going on >can audibly hear the screams of confusion emanating from my biceps >cackle to myself as they have no choice but to grow bigger and bigger >mfw the ultimate supplement is death itself
Anonymous 08/31/17(Thu)21:09:25 No.42700771 File: mgCLuzj.png (58 KB, 151x150) >>42701707 >>42701764 >>42701849 >>42701921 >>42697730 (OP) >be me >confused my muscles every which way possible >starting to see a plateau >devise a plan to finally get my gains back on track >one day ask gf for a haircut >sit down, nice and relaxed >immediately smash my head against the kitchen counter >place myself in a medical coma >muscles have no clue what is going on, they think its the end >get pronounced legally dead >begin to snigger inside my head at the absolute bewilderment my muscles are going to receive >get placed in coffin >muscles think its really the end, they've given up >placed in the ground >dirt begins to fall on the coffin >now is my time to strike >let loose a thunderous CMON as I punch through the coffin lid >family and friends scream in horror at the sight of my bloated corpse ripping through the flimsy wood >muscles haven't even woken up yet >launch myself out of the grave (functional strength) >sprint to my car >power down the highway to the nearest gym >pick up a dumbbell and beginning my 8 hour arm workout >muscles are in complete and utter panic, have no idea whats going on >can audibly hear the screams of confusion emanating from my biceps >cackle to myself as they have no choice but to grow bigger and bigger >mfw the ultimate supplement is death itself

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Anon takes an exam | /r/Greentext

Exam Taking Anonymous 04/26/17(Wed)14:13:48 No.36572409 Exam taking story time? >Be me >Uni student >Fluid Mechanics Exam in 2 hours >F--- this I'm gonna fail >lightbulb.rar >Remember I am Lactose Intolerant >lf I can eat some Ice Cream, I will fart >Making the room smell bad will force everyone in the lecture hall to leave early to avoid the smell >This will bring the average down so the prof will have to curve the exam >Luckily my farts are silent but deadly >Begin my devilish plan >1/2 gallon choco-choco chip >Walk to lecture hall >My tummy is rumbling >Sit down to take test and I feel the absurd amount of gas buildup in my rectum >Exam begins >Drop about 15 Nagasakis in 25 minutes >All silent, but all deadly >People begin to leave around the 20 minute mark of a 90 minute exam >As I finish, there are only 2 people left, one being the prof >Hand my test in and head home >myplanworked.exe >Got my exam back today >mfw I got the best grade in the class >mfw I still failed >mfw there will be a 45 point curve
Exam Taking Anonymous 04/26/17(Wed)14:13:48 No.36572409 Exam taking story time? >Be me >Uni student >Fluid Mechanics Exam in 2 hours >F--- this I'm gonna fail >lightbulb.rar >Remember I am Lactose Intolerant >lf I can eat some Ice Cream, I will fart >Making the room smell bad will force everyone in the lecture hall to leave early to avoid the smell >This will bring the average down so the prof will have to curve the exam >Luckily my farts are silent but deadly >Begin my devilish plan >1/2 gallon choco-choco chip >Walk to lecture hall >My tummy is rumbling >Sit down to take test and I feel the absurd amount of gas buildup in my rectum >Exam begins >Drop about 15 Nagasakis in 25 minutes >All silent, but all deadly >People begin to leave around the 20 minute mark of a 90 minute exam >As I finish, there are only 2 people left, one being the prof >Hand my test in and head home >myplanworked.exe >Got my exam back today >mfw I got the best grade in the class >mfw I still failed >mfw there will be a 45 point curve

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anon does a little trolling | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)16:40:44 No.62355840 >See trans "person" >Insult trans "person >They Insult back >Reply with "That wasn't very ladylike of you" >Trolled.png 81 KB PNG : Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)16:42:00 No.62355850 Why are you like this? aaa 94 KB JPG >>62356019 # : Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)16:58:32 No.62356019 >>62355850 # THE VOICE ARE TELLING ME TO 9 KB PNG
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)16:40:44 No.62355840 >See trans "person" >Insult trans "person >They Insult back >Reply with "That wasn't very ladylike of you" >Trolled.png 81 KB PNG : Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)16:42:00 No.62355850 Why are you like this? aaa 94 KB JPG >>62356019 # : Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)16:58:32 No.62356019 >>62355850 # THE VOICE ARE TELLING ME TO 9 KB PNG

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Not anon’s first rodeo | /r/Greentext

1• #766898005 4/25/18, 8:11 PM >be me, in mexico to visit friends >not my first rodeo, pickpockets beware >cut hole in pocket, slip d--- in hole >take public transport, wait for my mark >there he is, punk w/ sticky fingers >make myself an easy mark, not too obvious >few minutes later, kid tries to lift wallet, touches penis >he knows it, i know it >my face as he looks at me with disqust and he gets off the next step Mexico is a great place
1• #766898005 4/25/18, 8:11 PM >be me, in mexico to visit friends >not my first rodeo, pickpockets beware >cut hole in pocket, slip d--- in hole >take public transport, wait for my mark >there he is, punk w/ sticky fingers >make myself an easy mark, not too obvious >few minutes later, kid tries to lift wallet, touches penis >he knows it, i know it >my face as he looks at me with disqust and he gets off the next step Mexico is a great place

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Anon is European | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)14:54:45 No.847521948 [Reply] >go to school >don't get shot God I love Europe
O Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)14:54:45 No.847521948 [Reply] >go to school >don't get shot God I love Europe

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Anon likes scat music | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)07:24:50 No.847518437 >be me >5th grader at the time >really into scat music >school has this weird "social media" called edmodo >we eat that s--- up >one day I decide to express my love for 17 KB JPG scat on this thing >"is anyone here into scat? Because l'm the scatman!" >later teachers call me over to confirm it was me who posted it >hellyeah.mp3 >she looks at me concerned and sends me back to my desk >be me noW >18 >realize that scat is another word for s--- >I looked like I was saying this I was into s--- >realize my teacher probably thought I was proclaiming my love for s--- and all to do with it >mfw when >mfw
Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)07:24:50 No.847518437 >be me >5th grader at the time >really into scat music >school has this weird "social media" called edmodo >we eat that s--- up >one day I decide to express my love for 17 KB JPG scat on this thing >"is anyone here into scat? Because l'm the scatman!" >later teachers call me over to confirm it was me who posted it >hellyeah.mp3 >she looks at me concerned and sends me back to my desk >be me noW >18 >realize that scat is another word for s--- >I looked like I was saying this I was into s--- >realize my teacher probably thought I was proclaiming my love for s--- and all to do with it >mfw when >mfw

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B- ba-...Based? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/15/21(Mon)16:26:22 No.19102575 terfs have legit turned me sexist 9 KB GIF 28 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 02/15/21(Mon)16:26:22 No.19102575 terfs have legit turned me sexist 9 KB GIF 28 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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