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anon gets a new car | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)16:23:43 No.845580556 >be me >go to nissan dealership >get them to let me test drive a 2021 Versa >leave lot and drive home 29 KB JPG >put license plates from 2014 versa onto new one The f--- they gonna do?
: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)16:23:43 No.845580556 >be me >go to nissan dealership >get them to let me test drive a 2021 Versa >leave lot and drive home 29 KB JPG >put license plates from 2014 versa onto new one The f--- they gonna do?

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Leaf notices something about new presso | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: ¡G4FTİMU ) [•] 01/22/21(Fri)17:21:49 No.304523775 Biden is unironically everything the left thought Trump was. >mentally unsound >senile >high chance of dying within the first term 29 KB JPG >unironically racist >incompetent >favours corporations and the political elite over the average citizen This is only day 2. The list will continue.
: Anonymous (ID: ¡G4FTİMU ) [•] 01/22/21(Fri)17:21:49 No.304523775 Biden is unironically everything the left thought Trump was. >mentally unsound >senile >high chance of dying within the first term 29 KB JPG >unironically racist >incompetent >favours corporations and the political elite over the average citizen This is only day 2. The list will continue.

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Anon discovers life changing stuff | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Innovation greentext thread 01/23/21(Sat)23:49:03 No.61992830 >be me >home alone >father says 'cook your own food' >ask what we have in the fridge BREAKING NEWS LOCALROCKIN GREAT MOOD TODAY >'Not much but you'll think of something' >day before shopping delivery >eat salad (lettuce and big chunk OONNETD AEOUT 163 KB JPG of cucumber) (much better than slices) >time for main course >only know how to bake bread and cook ready- meals and stir-fries >tfw no stir-fry ingredients remain >but spicy Quorn burgers do >read instructions >'cook in the oven for 18 minutes' >preheat oven >mfw I forgot to put a tray in >mfw there are no clean trays (they're all in the dishwasher) >read for alternative microwave instructions >there aren't any >put a burger in anyway for 2 minutes >wait (far away because paranoid of radiation) (run away after pressing button) (just in case) >hear beeping >take it out >expecting it to be inconsistently-cooked (prepared to take it out) >mfw it's piping hot throughout (like the package says) >mfw some of the breadcrumbs on the outside fell off in the package, leaving uncovered patches on the edge >they're crispy and golden-brown (just right) >bottom is covered in a small amount of slightly- damp light mush (still hot) >phone father >tell him the good news >mfw he sighs disappointedly >asks to chop it in half to see if it's also hot inside >it is >eat it >just as good as usual >make one for him when he returns >he's pleasantly surprised, too >mfw I just nontupled burger-cooking speed >return to computer, content with today's contribution to humanity 4 Replies /1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)23:52:35 No.61992860 ...what? like n---- what? >>61992959 # imgflip.com
: Anonymous Innovation greentext thread 01/23/21(Sat)23:49:03 No.61992830 >be me >home alone >father says 'cook your own food' >ask what we have in the fridge BREAKING NEWS LOCALROCKIN GREAT MOOD TODAY >'Not much but you'll think of something' >day before shopping delivery >eat salad (lettuce and big chunk OONNETD AEOUT 163 KB JPG of cucumber) (much better than slices) >time for main course >only know how to bake bread and cook ready- meals and stir-fries >tfw no stir-fry ingredients remain >but spicy Quorn burgers do >read instructions >'cook in the oven for 18 minutes' >preheat oven >mfw I forgot to put a tray in >mfw there are no clean trays (they're all in the dishwasher) >read for alternative microwave instructions >there aren't any >put a burger in anyway for 2 minutes >wait (far away because paranoid of radiation) (run away after pressing button) (just in case) >hear beeping >take it out >expecting it to be inconsistently-cooked (prepared to take it out) >mfw it's piping hot throughout (like the package says) >mfw some of the breadcrumbs on the outside fell off in the package, leaving uncovered patches on the edge >they're crispy and golden-brown (just right) >bottom is covered in a small amount of slightly- damp light mush (still hot) >phone father >tell him the good news >mfw he sighs disappointedly >asks to chop it in half to see if it's also hot inside >it is >eat it >just as good as usual >make one for him when he returns >he's pleasantly surprised, too >mfw I just nontupled burger-cooking speed >return to computer, content with today's contribution to humanity 4 Replies /1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)23:52:35 No.61992860 ...what? like n---- what? >>61992959 # imgflip.com

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Anon mourns | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)15:27:06 No.845577035 Larry King.jpg 29 KB JPG Rest in Peace Larry King.
: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)15:27:06 No.845577035 Larry King.jpg 29 KB JPG Rest in Peace Larry King.

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Anon is living with his parents | /r/Greentext

>>23466628 (OP) # Is there anyone more sheltered by their parents, than me? >didn't learn how to read, until I was 6 >couldn't walk, until I was 4 77 KB JPG >couldn't speak, until I was around 5 >didn't know countries outside of my native country existed, until I was 8 >didn't watch any TV, until I was 7 >parents wouldn't let me play video games, until i was 13 >even then, my parents wouldn't let me play anything above an E rating >didn't learn about sex, until I was in my mid-20's >parents made me drop out of highschool, in my 1st year, because it was too chaotic and traumatising for me >only started masturbating and watching p--- in the last few years >still live with parents, to this day >never lived on my own >never travelled, outside of my hometown >was never allowed to have sleepovers, or go to other friend's houses >didn't matter anyway, since i never had any friends >only started learning about the basics of history, this year >never had a job in my entire life >never even thought about going to college/university/higher-education, during my youth
>>23466628 (OP) # Is there anyone more sheltered by their parents, than me? >didn't learn how to read, until I was 6 >couldn't walk, until I was 4 77 KB JPG >couldn't speak, until I was around 5 >didn't know countries outside of my native country existed, until I was 8 >didn't watch any TV, until I was 7 >parents wouldn't let me play video games, until i was 13 >even then, my parents wouldn't let me play anything above an E rating >didn't learn about sex, until I was in my mid-20's >parents made me drop out of highschool, in my 1st year, because it was too chaotic and traumatising for me >only started masturbating and watching p--- in the last few years >still live with parents, to this day >never lived on my own >never travelled, outside of my hometown >was never allowed to have sleepovers, or go to other friend's houses >didn't matter anyway, since i never had any friends >only started learning about the basics of history, this year >never had a job in my entire life >never even thought about going to college/university/higher-education, during my youth

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Anon has some problems | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/03/21(Sun)00:27:22 No.843809884 >tell myself ill stop drinking in 2021 >can't even make it to jan 3rd F------ pathetic 434 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/03/21(Sun)00:27:22 No.843809884 >tell myself ill stop drinking in 2021 >can't even make it to jan 3rd F------ pathetic 434 KB JPG

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Anon has a lovely sister | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:24:18 No.61993766 >be me >have girl over >We get done f------ >she suggests boba, I'm down >l ask if I can bring my sister, she never leaves the house >She agrees, says it's sweet that I'm thinking of my sister 142 KB PNG >Sister comes up, looks alright >First thing she says is "I'm so glad I'm out of the house, I haven't been out in 5 days!" >l don't want her to look like a f----- so "Haha yeah quarantine is hard for all of us!" >"I haven't even left my bed except to go to the bathroom" Please stop >We get boba, and sit down on a bench >She starts doing like a weird fake laugh >"When we sat down my thighs clapped together and made a loud noise!" >I didn't hear anything >Girl laughs awkwardly >l do the same I shouldn't have invited her
: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:24:18 No.61993766 >be me >have girl over >We get done f------ >she suggests boba, I'm down >l ask if I can bring my sister, she never leaves the house >She agrees, says it's sweet that I'm thinking of my sister 142 KB PNG >Sister comes up, looks alright >First thing she says is "I'm so glad I'm out of the house, I haven't been out in 5 days!" >l don't want her to look like a f----- so "Haha yeah quarantine is hard for all of us!" >"I haven't even left my bed except to go to the bathroom" Please stop >We get boba, and sit down on a bench >She starts doing like a weird fake laugh >"When we sat down my thighs clapped together and made a loud noise!" >I didn't hear anything >Girl laughs awkwardly >l do the same I shouldn't have invited her

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Anon is hopeless | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:14:21 No.61993646 >cute girl at work casually mentions her bf after 4 months of chatting f--- everything 457 KB GIF
: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:14:21 No.61993646 >cute girl at work casually mentions her bf after 4 months of chatting f--- everything 457 KB GIF

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Anon loves Twitch | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:41:56 No.61993965 >that feel when I feel myself falling for a Russian Twitch thot I keep telling myself she's a dirty f------ w----, but damn it, she looks so sweet. I've never given money to any e- thot, and I never will, but I now have this pain in my heart, a pain of not being able to heroically save her from 62 KB JPG debasing herself so. 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:49:11 No.61994059 >>61993965 (OP) # Youre f------ stupid m8 Imao
: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:41:56 No.61993965 >that feel when I feel myself falling for a Russian Twitch thot I keep telling myself she's a dirty f------ w----, but damn it, she looks so sweet. I've never given money to any e- thot, and I never will, but I now have this pain in my heart, a pain of not being able to heroically save her from 62 KB JPG debasing herself so. 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:49:11 No.61994059 >>61993965 (OP) # Youre f------ stupid m8 Imao

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anon pranks his friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)11:05:11 No.845558863 >friend is about to turn 25 in a week >friends and i decide to prank him for his birthday >we all chip in for a giant wall| mountable dildo 70 KB JPG >jacktheripper.jpg >sneak in to his living room at night and stick it to front door >place a camera across room to see his and his parents reaction >watching camera >his mom walks into the room >she notices the dildo >she pulls down pants and start to ride it >rides it for a good 15 minutes >she leaves >30 minutes later his dad walks in >he backs his ass up and starts riding it as well >we look closely at his face >thatisnothisfather.tmp >realize we broke into his neighbor's house instead Still call friend a f----- for having a dildo on his front door
: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)11:05:11 No.845558863 >friend is about to turn 25 in a week >friends and i decide to prank him for his birthday >we all chip in for a giant wall| mountable dildo 70 KB JPG >jacktheripper.jpg >sneak in to his living room at night and stick it to front door >place a camera across room to see his and his parents reaction >watching camera >his mom walks into the room >she notices the dildo >she pulls down pants and start to ride it >rides it for a good 15 minutes >she leaves >30 minutes later his dad walks in >he backs his ass up and starts riding it as well >we look closely at his face >thatisnothisfather.tmp >realize we broke into his neighbor's house instead Still call friend a f----- for having a dildo on his front door

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Anon has a hard time with the drawfs. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/24/18(Mon)00:05:30 No.788087819 >The r--- dwarf is still in my walls >I hear bumps in the night >Fire off some .357 rounds into the wall >Complete silence until I hear it laugh 30 KB JPG >"Hoho!" >Get angry >Fire off more rounds >Hear a screech then a wimper >Hear it run off, dragging it's penis as it goes >Blood drips out from beneath the molding >l got him for now, but he'll be back
: Anonymous 12/24/18(Mon)00:05:30 No.788087819 >The r--- dwarf is still in my walls >I hear bumps in the night >Fire off some .357 rounds into the wall >Complete silence until I hear it laugh 30 KB JPG >"Hoho!" >Get angry >Fire off more rounds >Hear a screech then a wimper >Hear it run off, dragging it's penis as it goes >Blood drips out from beneath the molding >l got him for now, but he'll be back

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Anons don’t like bears | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:08:16 No.845559102 >walking in the woods >see this about 30 feet in front of you What do /b/? 212 KB JPG : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:13:31 No.845559472 >pull out 45 >shoot 1 shot >blow my brains out and die >bear runs off : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:16:31 No.845559683 >>845559102 (OP) # Either me or the bear is getting r----
: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:08:16 No.845559102 >walking in the woods >see this about 30 feet in front of you What do /b/? 212 KB JPG : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:13:31 No.845559472 >pull out 45 >shoot 1 shot >blow my brains out and die >bear runs off : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:16:31 No.845559683 >>845559102 (OP) # Either me or the bear is getting r----

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Anon doesn't like conmunism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: IUf18nF+ Why are normies so weak? 01/23/21(Sat)01:10:02 No.304563920 >Be me. old normie friends. >Meet up with >Actually looking forward to normie conversation and being blue pilled for a few hours and talking about old times. >Friends immediately engage in political my 140 KB JPG conversation. >l make a mental effort to not sperg out red pills like an autistic mutant. >I think I'm "playing along" well. Keeping it PG-rated. >Normie friends still conclude I'm trying to be edgy. Act offended. >Old jokes aren't funny anymore. When did everyone lose their minds? Is this what the beginning of communism - real communism - looks like? I'm 50% sure guys I've known for 25 years would sell my life away over politics. 65 Replies / 11 Images View Thread
: Anonymous (ID: IUf18nF+ Why are normies so weak? 01/23/21(Sat)01:10:02 No.304563920 >Be me. old normie friends. >Meet up with >Actually looking forward to normie conversation and being blue pilled for a few hours and talking about old times. >Friends immediately engage in political my 140 KB JPG conversation. >l make a mental effort to not sperg out red pills like an autistic mutant. >I think I'm "playing along" well. Keeping it PG-rated. >Normie friends still conclude I'm trying to be edgy. Act offended. >Old jokes aren't funny anymore. When did everyone lose their minds? Is this what the beginning of communism - real communism - looks like? I'm 50% sure guys I've known for 25 years would sell my life away over politics. 65 Replies / 11 Images View Thread

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Anon Goes to Five Guys' | /r/Greentext

>>304519029 >go to 5Guys because 4chan keeps wanking over it >try to order a burger, employee shoves fries into my hands >thank him, hands me another cup of fries >try to stammer out that I want to order a regular burger >asks how many fries I want with that >just say "the normal amount" because I forgot i was holding all these fries >he winks and punches in the order >hands me a soggy brown paper bag of fries >w-- >wait for my food, eating some of these exponentially increasing number of fries >manager comes from the kitchen to apologize, they accidentally made my burger a double but they'll let me have it or I can wait for a single again >say the double is fine >says he's sorry and I can take some free fries to make up for it >another employee pushes out an entire barrel of fries on a handcart >now openly sobbing onto the salted potato earth surrounding me >run to my car to escape >entire kitchen staff chases me with my order and cups and bags of fries >try to pull out before they reach me >dump truck blocks me in and begins lifting its bucket >car half buried in fries >driver breaks my driver side window and hands me a cup of fries
>>304519029 >go to 5Guys because 4chan keeps wanking over it >try to order a burger, employee shoves fries into my hands >thank him, hands me another cup of fries >try to stammer out that I want to order a regular burger >asks how many fries I want with that >just say "the normal amount" because I forgot i was holding all these fries >he winks and punches in the order >hands me a soggy brown paper bag of fries >w-- >wait for my food, eating some of these exponentially increasing number of fries >manager comes from the kitchen to apologize, they accidentally made my burger a double but they'll let me have it or I can wait for a single again >say the double is fine >says he's sorry and I can take some free fries to make up for it >another employee pushes out an entire barrel of fries on a handcart >now openly sobbing onto the salted potato earth surrounding me >run to my car to escape >entire kitchen staff chases me with my order and cups and bags of fries >try to pull out before they reach me >dump truck blocks me in and begins lifting its bucket >car half buried in fries >driver breaks my driver side window and hands me a cup of fries

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Anon proposes | /r/Greentext

Ahonymous (Fri)22:36 No.541459096 1459306 >>541460037 >>541460867 >>541 >541465772 >>541458397 > order ring forever ago > girlfriend doesn't know at all > go to pick up the ring, she suspects lI'm buying it and that it'll take a while to get resize it and what not > time is racing, she doesn't think I have the ring yet > weekend is coming up > decide we'll go for a walk in the park before I spring the question > it f------ rains > dammit, I've got to do something else > we're laying in bed and she starts getting horny > don't remember the full conversation, but we're both naked and she responds to some question with "How about I suck your d---?" >I roll off the bed and grab the ring box and ask her "how about you marry me first?" > it takes her a second to register it, but she eventually starts laughing >i freak out a little, but she does say yes We had to completely change the story for our friends and family.
Ahonymous (Fri)22:36 No.541459096 1459306 >>541460037 >>541460867 >>541 >541465772 >>541458397 > order ring forever ago > girlfriend doesn't know at all > go to pick up the ring, she suspects lI'm buying it and that it'll take a while to get resize it and what not > time is racing, she doesn't think I have the ring yet > weekend is coming up > decide we'll go for a walk in the park before I spring the question > it f------ rains > dammit, I've got to do something else > we're laying in bed and she starts getting horny > don't remember the full conversation, but we're both naked and she responds to some question with "How about I suck your d---?" >I roll off the bed and grab the ring box and ask her "how about you marry me first?" > it takes her a second to register it, but she eventually starts laughing >i freak out a little, but she does say yes We had to completely change the story for our friends and family.

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Anon is watching a movie with his family | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/23/17(Sat)23:41:57 No.88111436 v terrorpepe.jpg (29 KB, 600x600) google yandex igdb wait >>88111638 >>88111677 >watching movie with family >sex scene imminent >"b-bathroom" >get up and run to bathroom, lock door >after a minute, worry that they might be listening >slowly dump bottle of mouthwash into toilet so it sounds like i'm peeing >realize that i've been in the bathroom too long to just be peeing >start loudly making grunting noises >drop the bar of soap into toilet and let out a sigh of relief >flush, soap clogs the toilet >if i ask for the plunger, they might see that it's mom's good soap clogging it >reach in with my hands and manage to break up the soap bar >toilet flushes >realize i can't wash my hands without soap >wipe them all over my shirt, now it looks like i've been sweating >i think they'll buy it >go back to sit down with family >"jesus anon, are you okay?" >"y-yeah, haha" >"good. here, we paused the movie when you got up"
Anonymous 09/23/17(Sat)23:41:57 No.88111436 v terrorpepe.jpg (29 KB, 600x600) google yandex igdb wait >>88111638 >>88111677 >watching movie with family >sex scene imminent >"b-bathroom" >get up and run to bathroom, lock door >after a minute, worry that they might be listening >slowly dump bottle of mouthwash into toilet so it sounds like i'm peeing >realize that i've been in the bathroom too long to just be peeing >start loudly making grunting noises >drop the bar of soap into toilet and let out a sigh of relief >flush, soap clogs the toilet >if i ask for the plunger, they might see that it's mom's good soap clogging it >reach in with my hands and manage to break up the soap bar >toilet flushes >realize i can't wash my hands without soap >wipe them all over my shirt, now it looks like i've been sweating >i think they'll buy it >go back to sit down with family >"jesus anon, are you okay?" >"y-yeah, haha" >"good. here, we paused the movie when you got up"

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Assume the (im)position | /r/Greentext

File: 441-4412701_transparent-t(...).jpg (129 KB, 820x660) U Anonymous 01/18/21(Mon)18:59:08 No.59424353 [Reply] >>59424389 >Ask attractive woman how long she last left on power rack >She asks if I want to work in with her >Say I don't want to impose >She raises her eyebrows at me and says, "Impose yourself." >I strict press more than she squats >She slaps me on the butt afterwards and says, "good job." What should I do when I see her tomorrow? %3D O Anonymous 01/18/21(Mon)19:01:31 No.59424389 >>59424353 (OP)# F--- her in her (boi)p----
File: 441-4412701_transparent-t(...).jpg (129 KB, 820x660) U Anonymous 01/18/21(Mon)18:59:08 No.59424353 [Reply] >>59424389 >Ask attractive woman how long she last left on power rack >She asks if I want to work in with her >Say I don't want to impose >She raises her eyebrows at me and says, "Impose yourself." >I strict press more than she squats >She slaps me on the butt afterwards and says, "good job." What should I do when I see her tomorrow? %3D O Anonymous 01/18/21(Mon)19:01:31 No.59424389 >>59424353 (OP)# F--- her in her (boi)p----

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Anon is living the paradox | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/11/16(Mon)16:11:25 No.27789885 File: 250 jpg (10 KB, 234x250) >Want friends >But at the same time don't >Angry that i don't have any >Want girlfriend >But at the same time don't >Angry that i don't have one >Upset my life is so s--- >But don't do anything to fix it >Enjoy living in misery but at the same time i don't >Just enjoy posting feels Just get me off this ride
Anonymous 04/11/16(Mon)16:11:25 No.27789885 File: 250 jpg (10 KB, 234x250) >Want friends >But at the same time don't >Angry that i don't have any >Want girlfriend >But at the same time don't >Angry that i don't have one >Upset my life is so s--- >But don't do anything to fix it >Enjoy living in misery but at the same time i don't >Just enjoy posting feels Just get me off this ride

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Anon is a chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)00:15:52 No.59497797 was l a d---? happened just an hour ago >match with 25 year old girl on ? bumble (i'm 20) >bio is interesting, her pics look fine (cute face, normal build, a little bit of chub but whatever) 94 KB PNG >talk to her and she has interest in me, asks to hang out >f--- it, only 7 miles away so why not what do I have to lose aside from a bit of gas >walk up to her apartment and knock >answers the door wearing short shorts and a tank top and I then realize I've made a grave mistake >first thing I notice is cottage cheese pillar legs, then a fupa, and then the chins >realize that if just walked away now l'd hurt her feelings so now I'm committed >she wants to watch some shows on youtube on her tv so I pull one up >see in her search history "how to lose weight" and "before and after weight loss" >feel even more bad >entire time she wants to cuddle, don't want to tell her no so I just say "i'm weird I dont like being touched its hard to explain" >l just want to go home now
: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)00:15:52 No.59497797 was l a d---? happened just an hour ago >match with 25 year old girl on ? bumble (i'm 20) >bio is interesting, her pics look fine (cute face, normal build, a little bit of chub but whatever) 94 KB PNG >talk to her and she has interest in me, asks to hang out >f--- it, only 7 miles away so why not what do I have to lose aside from a bit of gas >walk up to her apartment and knock >answers the door wearing short shorts and a tank top and I then realize I've made a grave mistake >first thing I notice is cottage cheese pillar legs, then a fupa, and then the chins >realize that if just walked away now l'd hurt her feelings so now I'm committed >she wants to watch some shows on youtube on her tv so I pull one up >see in her search history "how to lose weight" and "before and after weight loss" >feel even more bad >entire time she wants to cuddle, don't want to tell her no so I just say "i'm weird I dont like being touched its hard to explain" >l just want to go home now

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Anon Drives | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)04:54:53 No.61990417 >>6199048 File: 1610045097614.jpg (50 KB, 750x711) J>be me, 13 >really want to drive a car >parents wont let me ffw a few months >home alone for the first time in a while >jacking off >idea.png >go out to garage >look at ford focus, blood is pumping, c--- is hard >get in ford focus >hit the garage door button >turn the key >hit the gas VRO000000OM >not in gear >woops >shift into gear VRRO00- CRASH >hit the house >mfw didnt put it in reverse >mfw did thousands of dollars of damage to family car >mfw
O Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)04:54:53 No.61990417 >>6199048 File: 1610045097614.jpg (50 KB, 750x711) J>be me, 13 >really want to drive a car >parents wont let me ffw a few months >home alone for the first time in a while >jacking off >idea.png >go out to garage >look at ford focus, blood is pumping, c--- is hard >get in ford focus >hit the garage door button >turn the key >hit the gas VRO000000OM >not in gear >woops >shift into gear VRRO00- CRASH >hit the house >mfw didnt put it in reverse >mfw did thousands of dollars of damage to family car >mfw

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