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anon kills a man | /r/Greentext


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Anon has a dilemma | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/20/19(Wed)23:01:42 No.55439257 >wanting to kill yourself >remembering your chances of spawning back as indian are too high 280 KB GIF
: Anonymous 11/20/19(Wed)23:01:42 No.55439257 >wanting to kill yourself >remembering your chances of spawning back as indian are too high 280 KB GIF

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Anon uses a vehicle | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 12/09/20(Wed)15:29:48 No.6130847 >>61307781 (OP) >be me >waiting at bus station >bus arrives >get on bus >reach destination >get off bus
O Anonymous 12/09/20(Wed)15:29:48 No.6130847 >>61307781 (OP) >be me >waiting at bus station >bus arrives >get on bus >reach destination >get off bus

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Stage 5 Autism | /r/Greentext

File: clowns17n-2-web.jpg (94 KB, 750x829) O Anonymous 03/22/17(Wed)16:03:39 No.726490398 story time autists >be me >6'6" 280lb redneck >we're talking full blown, AR15-toting, Trump-supporting, trailer-dwelling Texan redneck >live 2 miles from nearest human and 10 miles from nearest town >watching s----- reality TV one evening >stark naked blc Texan summers and my wagie ass can't afford A/C >at about 11pm, hear car pulling up in driveway >LeaveMeAloneShitheads.jpg >look out window, see s------ 1990s Toyota covered in graffiti >3 teenagers in what I'm guessing was supposed to be "scary" clown attire file out >recall string of vandalism in local news, lightbulb goes off >NotOnMyWatch.exe >grab rifle, throw on nearest pair of boots and quietly go out back door >start slowly circling around trailer hoping to catch the little f------ in the act >hear some indistinct talking on side opposite mine, figure it's my chance >dramatically jump out with rifle up and start thinking of something imposing to say like "wanna die?" or "f--- you" >stage 5 autism kicks in, my brain fuses the two, and I shout at the top of my voice "WANNA F---?" >quickly look down and realize all the adrenaline has made my member fully erect >realize how it must look from their perspective >a 6'6" fatass with an AR15, a woody, and wearing nothing but cowboy boots has just asked them to f--- >l have NEVER seen anything haul ass faster in my entire life >no vandalism on the news for a couple weeks
File: clowns17n-2-web.jpg (94 KB, 750x829) O Anonymous 03/22/17(Wed)16:03:39 No.726490398 story time autists >be me >6'6" 280lb redneck >we're talking full blown, AR15-toting, Trump-supporting, trailer-dwelling Texan redneck >live 2 miles from nearest human and 10 miles from nearest town >watching s----- reality TV one evening >stark naked blc Texan summers and my wagie ass can't afford A/C >at about 11pm, hear car pulling up in driveway >LeaveMeAloneShitheads.jpg >look out window, see s------ 1990s Toyota covered in graffiti >3 teenagers in what I'm guessing was supposed to be "scary" clown attire file out >recall string of vandalism in local news, lightbulb goes off >NotOnMyWatch.exe >grab rifle, throw on nearest pair of boots and quietly go out back door >start slowly circling around trailer hoping to catch the little f------ in the act >hear some indistinct talking on side opposite mine, figure it's my chance >dramatically jump out with rifle up and start thinking of something imposing to say like "wanna die?" or "f--- you" >stage 5 autism kicks in, my brain fuses the two, and I shout at the top of my voice "WANNA F---?" >quickly look down and realize all the adrenaline has made my member fully erect >realize how it must look from their perspective >a 6'6" fatass with an AR15, a woody, and wearing nothing but cowboy boots has just asked them to f--- >l have NEVER seen anything haul ass faster in my entire life >no vandalism on the news for a couple weeks

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Anon lacks privacy | /r/Greentext

File: pepe a.jpg (5 KB, 219x123) Anonymous 05/19/19(Sun)19:55:51 No.800152406 ► Alright /b/ros I got a story for yous >Be me >14 >Don't share online stuff with parents, as usual for teens >One day, mom walks into room >Asks to see through my laptop and phone >Tell her no >She says she will ground me and take away EVERYTHING i have >Ask her if she would like if I looked through her PC and phone >"I have nothing to hide" >I'm forced to say yes >Finds my Reddit, Insta and Snap alongside my hentai stash >Oh s--- >Takes away my phone and laptop and makes me delete all my accs >Well f--- 3 months later >Be me >15 now, still feels violated of privacy since >Asks mom for her phone to watch YouTube >Agrees >Watch YT for a while, gets bored >Goes through her texts Oh s--- >Finds out she has been cheating on my dad with her co-worker >Tell Dad, show him the proof >Dad confronts mom, she tells the truth >Dad files for divorce and wins custody of me and little sis 1 month later >Visiting mom, she's living with a friend >Confess to her that I was the one who told dad >She is shocked and asks why >"You said you had nothing to hide so I checked to make sure" >She remembers when she took my laptop and phone, etc >Starts bawling and says I ruined her life, etc >loldontcare.mp3 >Dad comes to pick me and sis up >Mom screams "I never ever want to see you again" >K >Drive away It's been 3 years and I haven't talked to her since. F--- you mom, you cheating w----.
File: pepe a.jpg (5 KB, 219x123) Anonymous 05/19/19(Sun)19:55:51 No.800152406 ► Alright /b/ros I got a story for yous >Be me >14 >Don't share online stuff with parents, as usual for teens >One day, mom walks into room >Asks to see through my laptop and phone >Tell her no >She says she will ground me and take away EVERYTHING i have >Ask her if she would like if I looked through her PC and phone >"I have nothing to hide" >I'm forced to say yes >Finds my Reddit, Insta and Snap alongside my hentai stash >Oh s--- >Takes away my phone and laptop and makes me delete all my accs >Well f--- 3 months later >Be me >15 now, still feels violated of privacy since >Asks mom for her phone to watch YouTube >Agrees >Watch YT for a while, gets bored >Goes through her texts Oh s--- >Finds out she has been cheating on my dad with her co-worker >Tell Dad, show him the proof >Dad confronts mom, she tells the truth >Dad files for divorce and wins custody of me and little sis 1 month later >Visiting mom, she's living with a friend >Confess to her that I was the one who told dad >She is shocked and asks why >"You said you had nothing to hide so I checked to make sure" >She remembers when she took my laptop and phone, etc >Starts bawling and says I ruined her life, etc >loldontcare.mp3 >Dad comes to pick me and sis up >Mom screams "I never ever want to see you again" >K >Drive away It's been 3 years and I haven't talked to her since. F--- you mom, you cheating w----.

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Anon votes | /r/Greentext

>told my grandfather that I would support trump back in 2018 >he dies in 2019, leaving me 120k because I was his favorite nephew for "breaking the mold of my failed MATTE 699 KB GIF generation" >vote biden anyway I might go s--- on his grave later.
>told my grandfather that I would support trump back in 2018 >he dies in 2019, leaving me 120k because I was his favorite nephew for "breaking the mold of my failed MATTE 699 KB GIF generation" >vote biden anyway I might go s--- on his grave later.

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Anon has a shitty gf | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/29/19(Sun)21:47:04 No.817301715 >Mother got extremely sick on Christmas >She gets hospitalized >Doctor tell us she will be here until January 2 >I take care of my mother and I have to stay on the hospital every 195 KB PNG night taking care of her >Tell my girlfriend I have to cancel our plans for new year's party at a friend house because l'll be staying with my mom >She tells me she is still going without me >I think to myself "well I don't want her to have a s----- New Year so it's ok" >Later today best bro calls me >"hey buddy, I heard that you are staying at the hospital for new year, I canceled my plans and will bring you food to the hospital so we can celebrate"
: Anonymous 12/29/19(Sun)21:47:04 No.817301715 >Mother got extremely sick on Christmas >She gets hospitalized >Doctor tell us she will be here until January 2 >I take care of my mother and I have to stay on the hospital every 195 KB PNG night taking care of her >Tell my girlfriend I have to cancel our plans for new year's party at a friend house because l'll be staying with my mom >She tells me she is still going without me >I think to myself "well I don't want her to have a s----- New Year so it's ok" >Later today best bro calls me >"hey buddy, I heard that you are staying at the hospital for new year, I canceled my plans and will bring you food to the hospital so we can celebrate"

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Anon isn't making shit up | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: Dlek3b1E ) + 10/02/17(Mon)06:34:57 No.143698450 >Another witness, speaking to ABC News, described how “chaotic" the scene was as the incident unfolded. >"It kind of sounded first like loud clapping coming off and then I think there was the first volley [of shots] 25 KB JPG and all of a sudden a second volley and my buddy's like I just got hit'. First we had no idea what was happening we thought people were just clapping extremely hard and we joined the clapping H-------- I wish I was making this up : Anonymous (ID: fcJ+pT) 10/02/17(Mon)06:36:33 No.143698620 >be American >get shot >start clapping >everyone else claps too 44 KB GIF
: Anonymous (ID: Dlek3b1E ) + 10/02/17(Mon)06:34:57 No.143698450 >Another witness, speaking to ABC News, described how “chaotic" the scene was as the incident unfolded. >"It kind of sounded first like loud clapping coming off and then I think there was the first volley [of shots] 25 KB JPG and all of a sudden a second volley and my buddy's like I just got hit'. First we had no idea what was happening we thought people were just clapping extremely hard and we joined the clapping H-------- I wish I was making this up : Anonymous (ID: fcJ+pT) 10/02/17(Mon)06:36:33 No.143698620 >be American >get shot >start clapping >everyone else claps too 44 KB GIF

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Anon is Dumbledore | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)20:00:25 No.14520892 >Well done Slytherin, well done indeed... >> Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)20:00:53 No.14520 >>145208924 (OP) >H Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)20:01:58 No.145209004 >>145209053 >>145209258 >>145209347 >>14 >>145208953 >0 Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)20:03:23 No.145209053 >>145209131 >>145209258 >>145209347 >>14 >>145209004 >W Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)20:05:10 No.145209131 >>145209156 >>145209258 >>145209347 >14 >>145209053 >E Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)20:05:44 No.145209156 >>145209177 >>145209258 >>145209347 >>14 >>145209131 >V Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)20:06:15 No.145209177 >>145209208 >>145209258 >>145209347 >>14: >>145209156 >E D Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)20:06:47 No.145209208 >>145209258 >>145209347 >>145209831 >>145 >>145209177 >R
Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)20:00:25 No.14520892 >Well done Slytherin, well done indeed... >> Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)20:00:53 No.14520 >>145208924 (OP) >H Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)20:01:58 No.145209004 >>145209053 >>145209258 >>145209347 >>14 >>145208953 >0 Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)20:03:23 No.145209053 >>145209131 >>145209258 >>145209347 >>14 >>145209004 >W Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)20:05:10 No.145209131 >>145209156 >>145209258 >>145209347 >14 >>145209053 >E Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)20:05:44 No.145209156 >>145209177 >>145209258 >>145209347 >>14 >>145209131 >V Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)20:06:15 No.145209177 >>145209208 >>145209258 >>145209347 >>14: >>145209156 >E D Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)20:06:47 No.145209208 >>145209258 >>145209347 >>145209831 >>145 >>145209177 >R

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Anon is a pirate | /r/Greentext

ile: image jpg (16 KB, 409x307) Anonymous (ID: öyTxwp3) 05/19/14(Mon)01:31:58 Worst sex story thread? >Be me >Just graduated >Hanging out with qt3.14 girlfriend after Graduation party >Both extremely drunk >On my bed >She starts rubbing my c--- through my jeans >Says that she's never role played and wants to try >"O-okay what do you want to do?" >"Ive always wanted to f--- Jack Sparrow" >Wat jpg >Only thíng I have pirate related is an eyepatch and a pirate hat from a few halloweens ago >Letsdothis.avi >She starts sucking me off >in the spurr of the moment shout "THARR SHE BLOWSI" >Realize what I just said >She starts laughing and ends up gagging on my d--- and puking >C-- because she was deepthroating when it happened >Dad walks in >"Hey anon do you." >Stares at the horrific scene that has just happend >Mixture of c-- and puke all over bed >Look at dad and say "A-ahoy matey" >He backs out and closes my door >Pretty sure he ran after ciosing the door >Never looks me in the eye again >Mfw
ile: image jpg (16 KB, 409x307) Anonymous (ID: öyTxwp3) 05/19/14(Mon)01:31:58 Worst sex story thread? >Be me >Just graduated >Hanging out with qt3.14 girlfriend after Graduation party >Both extremely drunk >On my bed >She starts rubbing my c--- through my jeans >Says that she's never role played and wants to try >"O-okay what do you want to do?" >"Ive always wanted to f--- Jack Sparrow" >Wat jpg >Only thíng I have pirate related is an eyepatch and a pirate hat from a few halloweens ago >Letsdothis.avi >She starts sucking me off >in the spurr of the moment shout "THARR SHE BLOWSI" >Realize what I just said >She starts laughing and ends up gagging on my d--- and puking >C-- because she was deepthroating when it happened >Dad walks in >"Hey anon do you." >Stares at the horrific scene that has just happend >Mixture of c-- and puke all over bed >Look at dad and say "A-ahoy matey" >He backs out and closes my door >Pretty sure he ran after ciosing the door >Never looks me in the eye again >Mfw

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Anon gets scammed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)01:37:51 No.845034666 >buy nintendo switch >most of the games for it suck >only have skyrim, smash bros, and botw because everything SWITCH else is more retarded than an autist on Isd >playing botw one day >notice link is moving without 68 KB JPG me using the controller >jiggle the joysticks because figured they might have just stuck a bit >ffw 3 days later >he's just f------ running in circles now >not even holding the f------ controller >decide to look up what b------- is going on >find out that it's a common thing because the 6 year old slave wage chinks who throw the s--- together don't give even a little bit of a f--- about their job >find out that nintendo pretty much just tells you to f--- off and buy another set of controllers >find out they were apparently getting sued over this s--- Seriously, who the f--- actually thinks this is a good company?
: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)01:37:51 No.845034666 >buy nintendo switch >most of the games for it suck >only have skyrim, smash bros, and botw because everything SWITCH else is more retarded than an autist on Isd >playing botw one day >notice link is moving without 68 KB JPG me using the controller >jiggle the joysticks because figured they might have just stuck a bit >ffw 3 days later >he's just f------ running in circles now >not even holding the f------ controller >decide to look up what b------- is going on >find out that it's a common thing because the 6 year old slave wage chinks who throw the s--- together don't give even a little bit of a f--- about their job >find out that nintendo pretty much just tells you to f--- off and buy another set of controllers >find out they were apparently getting sued over this s--- Seriously, who the f--- actually thinks this is a good company?

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Anon is authright | /r/Greentext

I ) 3 hours ago No.62165074 Anonymous (ID: FJV60P >play with people from /pol/ >play chess >game never starts, both refuse to play as blacks Economic-
I ) 3 hours ago No.62165074 Anonymous (ID: FJV60P >play with people from /pol/ >play chess >game never starts, both refuse to play as blacks Economic-

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Anon goes to Wendy’s | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)00:27:44 No.845034155 >be at Wendy's drive thru >buy food >guy gives me my change >hands me my dollars first >he then holds out his fist >confused, I think he's going for a fist bump so I awkwardly put my fist on his 26 KB PNG >"no it's your change" >hands me my the rest of it >the car behind me must've saw >probably told it to all his coworkers I can't do this s--- anymore
: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)00:27:44 No.845034155 >be at Wendy's drive thru >buy food >guy gives me my change >hands me my dollars first >he then holds out his fist >confused, I think he's going for a fist bump so I awkwardly put my fist on his 26 KB PNG >"no it's your change" >hands me my the rest of it >the car behind me must've saw >probably told it to all his coworkers I can't do this s--- anymore

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Anon want to be spider child | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)04:44:34 No.845016677 >be me, 8 years old >huge fan of Spider-Man >goes to park with mom one day, sees yellow spider on ground >idea.wav >puts hand near spider, it crawls on hand 17 KB JPG >bites my hand >cries like a bitch, tells mom >bite mark gets worse, rushes to hospital >mfw no spiderpowers
: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)04:44:34 No.845016677 >be me, 8 years old >huge fan of Spider-Man >goes to park with mom one day, sees yellow spider on ground >idea.wav >puts hand near spider, it crawls on hand 17 KB JPG >bites my hand >cries like a bitch, tells mom >bite mark gets worse, rushes to hospital >mfw no spiderpowers

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Is this why California burns so often? | /r/Greentext

12/06/17(Wed)22:41:21 No.152315696 fire.jpg 364 KB JPG >152305387 (OP) # >1920 >be californian >get duped into buying Australian eucalyptus trees >plant thousands of acres >Australians forget to mention it takes at least 100 years for the trees to mature >thousands of investors go broke >2017 >100 years later eucalyptus trees have spread everywhere and have finally matured >Australians also forgot to mention the trees produce a highly flammable toxic oil that builds up in the tree >california burns down
12/06/17(Wed)22:41:21 No.152315696 fire.jpg 364 KB JPG >152305387 (OP) # >1920 >be californian >get duped into buying Australian eucalyptus trees >plant thousands of acres >Australians forget to mention it takes at least 100 years for the trees to mature >thousands of investors go broke >2017 >100 years later eucalyptus trees have spread everywhere and have finally matured >Australians also forgot to mention the trees produce a highly flammable toxic oil that builds up in the tree >california burns down

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Anon is in trouble | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)19:00:42 No.845014059 >wipe ass >blood 902 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)19:00:42 No.845014059 >wipe ass >blood 902 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon is single again | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)09:43:19 No.845016599 >mom found my c---sock >called me a degenerate >mfw my mom throws away my girlfriend 36 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)09:43:19 No.845016599 >mom found my c---sock >called me a degenerate >mfw my mom throws away my girlfriend 36 KB JPG

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Anon goes to spanish class | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)02:15:31 No.845014949 be me >probably 15 >at school with friend >her and i are being absolute retards >at our lockers one day >pull out pencil case to take to class 34 KB JPG >friend pulls out tiny stapler from locker >fuckyeah.jpeg >we kek like retards, start stapling s--- >staple pencil case zipper thing because retarded >forget about it >go to spanish class >teacher w---- tells us to get a pencil >rip pencil case open staple goes deep into my hand, starts bleeding instantly >ohfuckohshit.png >staple is twisted into my hand, try to methodically remove it >can't >it's bleeding onto my notebook now >can't tell teacher because retarded >finally just grab it and jerk it our of hand >scream louder than a herd of wild retards at the friendly farm field trip >blood begins to pour >immediately rush out the door, everyone looking at me >blood trail leading out >go to office >dumb w---- gives me a mint and tells me to drink some water >mfw
: Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)02:15:31 No.845014949 be me >probably 15 >at school with friend >her and i are being absolute retards >at our lockers one day >pull out pencil case to take to class 34 KB JPG >friend pulls out tiny stapler from locker >fuckyeah.jpeg >we kek like retards, start stapling s--- >staple pencil case zipper thing because retarded >forget about it >go to spanish class >teacher w---- tells us to get a pencil >rip pencil case open staple goes deep into my hand, starts bleeding instantly >ohfuckohshit.png >staple is twisted into my hand, try to methodically remove it >can't >it's bleeding onto my notebook now >can't tell teacher because retarded >finally just grab it and jerk it our of hand >scream louder than a herd of wild retards at the friendly farm field trip >blood begins to pour >immediately rush out the door, everyone looking at me >blood trail leading out >go to office >dumb w---- gives me a mint and tells me to drink some water >mfw

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Anon made me laugh | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 04/29/17(Sat)00:04:49 No.36626386 >>36626421 >>36626450 >>3662648 File: uk.png (85 KB, 844x1157) I just have a very poor sense of humor >tried to be funny in College >thought it was a fresh start so I could be the hilarious guy and people would be forced to like me >came up with a bunch of good jokes I could make >knew I needed a 'nickname' >on the first day of class, dressed in a bright red shirt, with a white 'fez' tunisian hat >idea was that I looked like a tube of toothpaste >thought someone would comment on this and I could have the nickname 'Mr Toothpaste' or something similar >went to class >nbody commenting on how I look like toothpaste >start to get desperate >loudly say 'I look like toothpaste' in the middle of class >people turn and look >l apologise >nobody mentions it again I haven't made anyone laugh in about 8 years.
O Anonymous 04/29/17(Sat)00:04:49 No.36626386 >>36626421 >>36626450 >>3662648 File: uk.png (85 KB, 844x1157) I just have a very poor sense of humor >tried to be funny in College >thought it was a fresh start so I could be the hilarious guy and people would be forced to like me >came up with a bunch of good jokes I could make >knew I needed a 'nickname' >on the first day of class, dressed in a bright red shirt, with a white 'fez' tunisian hat >idea was that I looked like a tube of toothpaste >thought someone would comment on this and I could have the nickname 'Mr Toothpaste' or something similar >went to class >nbody commenting on how I look like toothpaste >start to get desperate >loudly say 'I look like toothpaste' in the middle of class >people turn and look >l apologise >nobody mentions it again I haven't made anyone laugh in about 8 years.

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Anon makes Mac n Cheese | /r/Greentext

File: concuerdo.png (25 KB, 128x128) GONEUERDO O Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)15:52:45 No. >be me >cooking mac n' cheese >life is good >bee f------ nosedives into mac n cheese >bee dies instantly >flip my s---
File: concuerdo.png (25 KB, 128x128) GONEUERDO O Anonymous 01/16/21(Sat)15:52:45 No. >be me >cooking mac n' cheese >life is good >bee f------ nosedives into mac n cheese >bee dies instantly >flip my s---

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