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Anon gets laid

File: image.png (128 KB, 249x230) Anonymous 10/24/16(Mon)23:17:00 No.709259962709260327 S> >7 >7 >be 17 ylo me get 7/10 gf out of pure luck sext every night eventually she starts revealing her weird kinks says she likes guys who swallow own j--- what the f--- play along with it to make her happy >couple months later finally g----------- >feels good but anxiety strikes because her parents still in house >kinda sick but d--- feels too good to care finally ready to nut >she tells me she'll swallow instead of swallowing she f------ snowballs me >anxiety and nasty taste of j--- too much puke all over her and her bed pic relevant >she starts screaming and freaking out parents hear dad beats the f--- out of me >get kicked out at 2 am too late to go back home bc I'm not supposed to be back until morning lie on park bench in puke stained clothes for5 hours And that's how I lost my girlfriend, got my ass kicked, swallowed my own j--- and became temporarily homeless in one night.
File: image.png (128 KB, 249x230) Anonymous 10/24/16(Mon)23:17:00 No.709259962709260327 S> >7 >7 >be 17 ylo me get 7/10 gf out of pure luck sext every night eventually she starts revealing her weird kinks says she likes guys who swallow own j--- what the f--- play along with it to make her happy >couple months later finally g----------- >feels good but anxiety strikes because her parents still in house >kinda sick but d--- feels too good to care finally ready to nut >she tells me she'll swallow instead of swallowing she f------ snowballs me >anxiety and nasty taste of j--- too much puke all over her and her bed pic relevant >she starts screaming and freaking out parents hear dad beats the f--- out of me >get kicked out at 2 am too late to go back home bc I'm not supposed to be back until morning lie on park bench in puke stained clothes for5 hours And that's how I lost my girlfriend, got my ass kicked, swallowed my own j--- and became temporarily homeless in one night.

Greentext Stories
4chan greentext greentext story /b/ funny

Anon buys a gift

I may have f----- up >be me >18 year old social autist with little to no friends 309 KB PNG met this qt3.14 grill a >we bonded over similar interests >anime and that weeb s--- >a year passes without hearing from her we meet up again and I realise how much couple years prior 3t do everghing can to try to make her like me >she expressed how she wanted this "thing" that was like $900 >Ihad saved up enough from my s----- job to give her a nice birthday gift >whythefucknot.jpg ask her friend to email me what she wants >mfw it's a fursuit Smfw I just bought a $900 dollar fursuit for someone who would rather f--- a dog
I may have f----- up >be me >18 year old social autist with little to no friends 309 KB PNG met this qt3.14 grill a >we bonded over similar interests >anime and that weeb s--- >a year passes without hearing from her we meet up again and I realise how much couple years prior 3t do everghing can to try to make her like me >she expressed how she wanted this "thing" that was like $900 >Ihad saved up enough from my s----- job to give her a nice birthday gift >whythefucknot.jpg ask her friend to email me what she wants >mfw it's a fursuit Smfw I just bought a $900 dollar fursuit for someone who would rather f--- a dog

Greentext Stories
/r9k/ 4chan furries furry fursuit greentext face with tears of joy emoji

Anon has a tard brother

File: why.ipg (76 KB, 500x679) Why can'tl. Anonymous 10/07/16(Fri)11:09:04 No. 706944082 tard stories? I'll start >be me >be 18 live in semi-conservative household >family hates autists >only thing they hate more is abortions >have 10 year old autistic brother >have 3 other brothers and 2 sisters >family is me, mom, dad, Elisha (oldest), Paul, Harry, Brenda, Rupert, and Ryden (autistic brother) >entire family hates Ryden, except for me >they think he's an abomination and treat him like trash Hold all these chromosomes despite this, he's the nicest person I could everm >he loves his family so much even though they think he's worse than Hitler >he lo l do it with him because he loves me so much and loves when I do that ves pigs, and likes to roll around in the dirt like he's one >mom and dad tell me to stop treating him like a human >still play with him in secret though but make sure to always take a shower so that they don't know I'm playing with him a couple of years ago, we got a wii >whole family could use it, except for Ryden >Elisha and Paul said if they'd ever catch Ryden using it, they'd kill him >I let him use it while they're gone though because he loves it so much >tell him to always use my mii for games so that they never think he's been playing >one day, let him use the wii without me supervising because l had to study >he creates a mii of himself, names it Rolen (he thinks that's how his name is spelled) >once family is home, tell him to get off >Harry gets on the wii, and sees the new mii he created >he >they come up to me and threaten to kill me >they say "We've been watching you play with Ryden but letting him use the wii is too far" >they see mii Rolen >they hatin >patrollin tryin' to catch me, Ryden, dirty goes a------ and tells Elisha and Paul
File: why.ipg (76 KB, 500x679) Why can'tl. Anonymous 10/07/16(Fri)11:09:04 No. 706944082 tard stories? I'll start >be me >be 18 live in semi-conservative household >family hates autists >only thing they hate more is abortions >have 10 year old autistic brother >have 3 other brothers and 2 sisters >family is me, mom, dad, Elisha (oldest), Paul, Harry, Brenda, Rupert, and Ryden (autistic brother) >entire family hates Ryden, except for me >they think he's an abomination and treat him like trash Hold all these chromosomes despite this, he's the nicest person I could everm >he loves his family so much even though they think he's worse than Hitler >he lo l do it with him because he loves me so much and loves when I do that ves pigs, and likes to roll around in the dirt like he's one >mom and dad tell me to stop treating him like a human >still play with him in secret though but make sure to always take a shower so that they don't know I'm playing with him a couple of years ago, we got a wii >whole family could use it, except for Ryden >Elisha and Paul said if they'd ever catch Ryden using it, they'd kill him >I let him use it while they're gone though because he loves it so much >tell him to always use my mii for games so that they never think he's been playing >one day, let him use the wii without me supervising because l had to study >he creates a mii of himself, names it Rolen (he thinks that's how his name is spelled) >once family is home, tell him to get off >Harry gets on the wii, and sees the new mii he created >he >they come up to me and threaten to kill me >they say "We've been watching you play with Ryden but letting him use the wii is too far" >they see mii Rolen >they hatin >patrollin tryin' to catch me, Ryden, dirty goes a------ and tells Elisha and Paul

Greentext Stories
anon anonymous 4chan greentext story tard brother autism retarded wii dirty ryden

/a/ tries to improve DiU

Anonymous 09/11/16(Sun)12 32 47 No 147052130 4705 I can't believe I have to do this again Joseph tries to find Kira with hermit purple but fails and gets pictures of Kira's dad yukako and koichi are in a healthy relationship >Kira starts getting withdrawal from not killing anyone and goes out to find a potential victim 2> ou Kira meets yukako (because stand users are destined to meet), holds himself back but act dangerous enough that yukako attacks him. >Kira thinks that it is a legit attack and kills yukako koichi finds out about yukakos death and goes into shock/depression. josuke has now a personal feud against Kira (something that was lacking from the real version) >Rohan spots the kid stalking someone and finds out the kids name Joseph instantly locates the kids home and they head there (another one bites the dust goes into effect before they arrive) josuke and okuyasu locate Kira, fight him and kill Kira's dad. is a little bit more competent and manages to take down jotaro. While okuyasu is still half dead and josuke is healing jotaro, Kira tries to make a getaway >Kira can't move and it turns out koichi is holding him down with echoes >Kira can't move an inch and is pushed to the ground, he starts talking to the girl who he wants to make the next bite the dust victim before he finishes talking, he gets his head crushed by ambulance driven by Rohan (sometihing else we never got, the conclusion to the Rohan/Kira feud) >spw promises to research okuyasus dad and the baby, giving them a hopeful ending Basically, some characters/storylines that never got a payoff, get one now. Characters who were useless get a moment to shine. The main antagonist and protagonist get a litle bit more of a personal feud
Anonymous 09/11/16(Sun)12 32 47 No 147052130 4705 I can't believe I have to do this again Joseph tries to find Kira with hermit purple but fails and gets pictures of Kira's dad yukako and koichi are in a healthy relationship >Kira starts getting withdrawal from not killing anyone and goes out to find a potential victim 2> ou Kira meets yukako (because stand users are destined to meet), holds himself back but act dangerous enough that yukako attacks him. >Kira thinks that it is a legit attack and kills yukako koichi finds out about yukakos death and goes into shock/depression. josuke has now a personal feud against Kira (something that was lacking from the real version) >Rohan spots the kid stalking someone and finds out the kids name Joseph instantly locates the kids home and they head there (another one bites the dust goes into effect before they arrive) josuke and okuyasu locate Kira, fight him and kill Kira's dad. is a little bit more competent and manages to take down jotaro. While okuyasu is still half dead and josuke is healing jotaro, Kira tries to make a getaway >Kira can't move and it turns out koichi is holding him down with echoes >Kira can't move an inch and is pushed to the ground, he starts talking to the girl who he wants to make the next bite the dust victim before he finishes talking, he gets his head crushed by ambulance driven by Rohan (sometihing else we never got, the conclusion to the Rohan/Kira feud) >spw promises to research okuyasus dad and the baby, giving them a hopeful ending Basically, some characters/storylines that never got a payoff, get one now. Characters who were useless get a moment to shine. The main antagonist and protagonist get a litle bit more of a personal feud

Greentext Stories
/a/ 4chan diamond is unbreakabable jojo's bizarre adventure jjba

Goose vs Cats

(147 KB, 1024x788) □ Anonymous 01/27/15(Tue)09:33:41 No.594955368 22594955353 >>594962117 594963075 594963373 >>594965451 >>594966260 >>594967412 So I'm pretty sure that my neighbor just called the cops on me I live alone in a small piss-ant town near the PA/West Virginia border. I have one neighbor. ONE. And it just so happens that she is an absolutely insane old c---. I would tell you that she lives alone but she doesn't. There is a literal horde of about 20 to 30 feral cats who happily reside on -both- of our ies Now, I don't really mind it too much. I really don't. I can deal with the disgusting cats. My only real complaint is that they sleep and piss all over my car since I only have an outside car-port. But we live in a fairly rural eagle kill rea The problem is that this bitch insists upon feeding Geese. Not like 2 or 3 Geese. This is a -big-f------ group of them. She feeds them so much that theyve given up on the whole migratory bird s---. The just live on OUR properties. Geese are f------ disgusting animals. They s--- -everywhere-. But that's not even the worst of it Geese and feral cats obviously do not mix. Any time these f------ Geese come within 50 feet of our house all hell breaks loose. It's like Goose on Cat world war 2. Close quarters house to house combat. Thes f------ things fight each other like they are cursed to walk the Earth as tormented souls until all of th pposing army is vanquished. It doesn't matter what time of day or night it is. There is always some f----- Goose/Cat getting ready to rock each other. The noise that these animals create is f------ unbelievable IS > 594956069 Anonymous 01/27/15 Tue 09:40 10 No. 594956069、2594956390 594956720 >-594958428 >>594959548 >-59495991 5 22594980216 22594960447 22594960922 zz594966014 225949662竝22594968020 22594968357:2594969229 be cat army serving goddess well So I worked all last night. Got home at 5 am. Went to open my door in the dark and suddenly heard HiSSSSSSsSSS a f------ Goose was sleeping on my porch under my lawn chairs. It came after me and started trying to bite me in the shins, so I walloped it across it's f----- head with my lunchbox and it ran off the porch making these stupid noises. (this happens to me at least 2 times a week. They are obsessed with my porch as if it's the heartland of their f----- goose empire) e f------ goose s me >nearly defeated in s > suddenly, the demon from the other side storms out from his keep > f---- the goose up with his demon boot > goose limps away while the demon flashes satanic hand symbols at the goddess > goddess summons her champions of red and blue light Anyways, I get inside, get a shower, and go to bed. A few hours later, round about 8 AM this morning,I hear a melee break out. Have you ever heard a goose fighting a cat? It's one of the most noisy obnoxious f------ things you can possibly imagine. They just won't stop. The cat doing that low throaty owwwwwwwWLLLLL" noise, the goose sticking it's big f------ stupid tongue out incessantly >my name is whiskers i am cat smy colony moved here years ago and though most of us were lost in the great we remain the enemy Finally I had enough. I ran outside with my boot and f------ threw it at the Goose as hard as I could. It knocked him over and he started hissing at me, sticking his retarded goose tongue out. Then it got up and started waddling away with a limp. rm like 90% sure I f------ wrecked this things s---. it started with them circling from above, a select few noticed but no one gave it second thought until one day we found snowball disemboweled on the hood of some assholes car >piss on his tires as a tribute to him, snowball would have liked that as we are p the horde waddles with purpose towards Anyways, my c--- neighbor happened to be watching. As most days all she does is stand in her window and brood over the war she created like some kind of capricious, vengeful god. She saw me throw the pissing they emerge prepare for battle that battle of daves lawn "OH YOU M-----------. YOU SON OF A BITCH. IM CALLING THE F------ COPS ON YOU" s and hissing d me I flew her the bird (lol) and told her to go f--- herself, as I usually do. But here's the thing - if they do show up -this Goose is visibly f----- up. It's still outside my house limping around like an idiot. Arent the blood of my brothers covers me as i leap into the fray once more claws unfurled 4 fiends descend upon me all at once pecking at my eyeballs >1 can no longer see and accept my death knowing that maybe someday with my sacrifice all cats may se y protected birds or s □ Anonymous 01/27/15(Tue)09:52:44 No.594957331 594961172 >594966260 594967572 2259495754225949576632594959塑2259496012322594960447 n peace smy final thoughts are f--- this a------ neighbor Believe it or not, but her horde of cats used to be at least 3x larger. The ones still here are the escapees from I got into a fight with this c--- because her cats kept sleeping all over my car, and pissing all over my tires. She just totally disregards that it's on my property, and that it's my vehicle. As if her cats have some kind of right to go where and do as they please >The legends tell of the cruel weapon of the Demon. The Great Battle Flail of L'unch. The Demon Lord is rarely seen without his mighty weapon, and woe follows in its wake Crafted across the sea by sinister slant-eyed goblins, it bears curses and runes of power foretelling the end of all things So I got a broom and swatted her cats off my car and she got real f------ mad at me and called the Where the Demon roams, the Box of L'unch follows The cops showed up to investigate animal abuse, and immediately noticed that there were like 60-70 cats roaming EVERYWHERE. They called the SPCA and started removing cats from her property. She was standing outside sobbing like a child and screaming "MY BABIES" I laughed my ass off and made direct eye contact with her and gave her the finger. It was one of the Learn to do an eagle call. Its pretty easy and they respond well. Just whistle and cut your breath into spurts https://www.youtube.com/watch?v-hlq2kcYQcLc [Embed] We used to call them and then throw the fish guts in the water and watch them swoop down and grab it You could be sum funniest things 've ever seen. I was so f------ excited that it was like I won the lottery. The cats who remain are the ones that ran into the woods like n------ and escaped. I your neighbors cats Anonymous 01/27/15(Tue)10:07:06 No. 594958842、>>594959296 >>594959485 Cats This is taking place in Point Marion PA. Ive been to Morgantown many times. It's right across the border (57%) The goose/cat war heats up especially in summer when they've got babies. None of these cats are fixed, so they basically multiply like Zerg. I anticipate it'll only take 1-2 more breeding seasons for them to be up around 100 Geese are cold blooded killers. Ive literally seen them attack kittens and maul them to death Sometimes the cats defend their babies, other times they take the survivors and just run for their lives eese The cats do the same thing to Goose chicks (Which makes the Geese go f------ spaghetti to the max) but they don't really maul them. They just carry the chicks off in a very direct and purposeful fashion with the intent of eating them inside crazy cat ladies shed. Her shed is basically like an altar of death. I see the cats carrying small rodents and s--- in there all the time. I suppose that's where she feeds them, and es (43%) s that is where they feel safe eating The cats usually lose the fights. It's more the big geese protecting the little ones as the cats try to gun for the weak links. It's like some national geographic s---. Even feral cats go after the sick/injured/weak Geese are basically like orcs. They are barbaric f------ animal, whose society is formed by the strongest members. They even f--- each other up. Ive seen the Alpha male in this group maul and se non Since this is far western PA/West Virginia, there's some pretty wild countryside out here. A lot of forest and hills. So we have Bald Eagles who pass through the area from time to time My first experience (and not my last) with the Eagle was maybe 2 or 3 months after I moved in here. I as leaving my house one morning to head off to work, and as I came outside with my lunch and everything, I saw this f------ Eagle just sitting in the middle of my lawn. Just eating a dead cat like it's a breakfast omelet or some s---. The Eagle looked at me for maybe half a second. We just kind of stared at each other. And then he just kind of went back to eating. I walked through the grass so as to not disturb him Have any of you ever seen a bald eagle in real life? They're f------ huge. I see this crazy son of a bitch nags a cat and just kind of eats them like he doesn't even give Thenevery few ti:dr: the cat horde is an inexhaustible food supply for a migratory bald eagle who patrols up and down GEESE (43%) r near my house ATS (57%)
(147 KB, 1024x788) □ Anonymous 01/27/15(Tue)09:33:41 No.594955368 22594955353 >>594962117 594963075 594963373 >>594965451 >>594966260 >>594967412 So I'm pretty sure that my neighbor just called the cops on me I live alone in a small piss-ant town near the PA/West Virginia border. I have one neighbor. ONE. And it just so happens that she is an absolutely insane old c---. I would tell you that she lives alone but she doesn't. There is a literal horde of about 20 to 30 feral cats who happily reside on -both- of our ies Now, I don't really mind it too much. I really don't. I can deal with the disgusting cats. My only real complaint is that they sleep and piss all over my car since I only have an outside car-port. But we live in a fairly rural eagle kill rea The problem is that this bitch insists upon feeding Geese. Not like 2 or 3 Geese. This is a -big-f------ group of them. She feeds them so much that theyve given up on the whole migratory bird s---. The just live on OUR properties. Geese are f------ disgusting animals. They s--- -everywhere-. But that's not even the worst of it Geese and feral cats obviously do not mix. Any time these f------ Geese come within 50 feet of our house all hell breaks loose. It's like Goose on Cat world war 2. Close quarters house to house combat. Thes f------ things fight each other like they are cursed to walk the Earth as tormented souls until all of th pposing army is vanquished. It doesn't matter what time of day or night it is. There is always some f----- Goose/Cat getting ready to rock each other. The noise that these animals create is f------ unbelievable IS > 594956069 Anonymous 01/27/15 Tue 09:40 10 No. 594956069、2594956390 594956720 >-594958428 >>594959548 >-59495991 5 22594980216 22594960447 22594960922 zz594966014 225949662竝22594968020 22594968357:2594969229 be cat army serving goddess well So I worked all last night. Got home at 5 am. Went to open my door in the dark and suddenly heard HiSSSSSSsSSS a f------ Goose was sleeping on my porch under my lawn chairs. It came after me and started trying to bite me in the shins, so I walloped it across it's f----- head with my lunchbox and it ran off the porch making these stupid noises. (this happens to me at least 2 times a week. They are obsessed with my porch as if it's the heartland of their f----- goose empire) e f------ goose s me >nearly defeated in s > suddenly, the demon from the other side storms out from his keep > f---- the goose up with his demon boot > goose limps away while the demon flashes satanic hand symbols at the goddess > goddess summons her champions of red and blue light Anyways, I get inside, get a shower, and go to bed. A few hours later, round about 8 AM this morning,I hear a melee break out. Have you ever heard a goose fighting a cat? It's one of the most noisy obnoxious f------ things you can possibly imagine. They just won't stop. The cat doing that low throaty owwwwwwwWLLLLL" noise, the goose sticking it's big f------ stupid tongue out incessantly >my name is whiskers i am cat smy colony moved here years ago and though most of us were lost in the great we remain the enemy Finally I had enough. I ran outside with my boot and f------ threw it at the Goose as hard as I could. It knocked him over and he started hissing at me, sticking his retarded goose tongue out. Then it got up and started waddling away with a limp. rm like 90% sure I f------ wrecked this things s---. it started with them circling from above, a select few noticed but no one gave it second thought until one day we found snowball disemboweled on the hood of some assholes car >piss on his tires as a tribute to him, snowball would have liked that as we are p the horde waddles with purpose towards Anyways, my c--- neighbor happened to be watching. As most days all she does is stand in her window and brood over the war she created like some kind of capricious, vengeful god. She saw me throw the pissing they emerge prepare for battle that battle of daves lawn "OH YOU M-----------. YOU SON OF A BITCH. IM CALLING THE F------ COPS ON YOU" s and hissing d me I flew her the bird (lol) and told her to go f--- herself, as I usually do. But here's the thing - if they do show up -this Goose is visibly f----- up. It's still outside my house limping around like an idiot. Arent the blood of my brothers covers me as i leap into the fray once more claws unfurled 4 fiends descend upon me all at once pecking at my eyeballs >1 can no longer see and accept my death knowing that maybe someday with my sacrifice all cats may se y protected birds or s □ Anonymous 01/27/15(Tue)09:52:44 No.594957331 594961172 >594966260 594967572 2259495754225949576632594959塑2259496012322594960447 n peace smy final thoughts are f--- this a------ neighbor Believe it or not, but her horde of cats used to be at least 3x larger. The ones still here are the escapees from I got into a fight with this c--- because her cats kept sleeping all over my car, and pissing all over my tires. She just totally disregards that it's on my property, and that it's my vehicle. As if her cats have some kind of right to go where and do as they please >The legends tell of the cruel weapon of the Demon. The Great Battle Flail of L'unch. The Demon Lord is rarely seen without his mighty weapon, and woe follows in its wake Crafted across the sea by sinister slant-eyed goblins, it bears curses and runes of power foretelling the end of all things So I got a broom and swatted her cats off my car and she got real f------ mad at me and called the Where the Demon roams, the Box of L'unch follows The cops showed up to investigate animal abuse, and immediately noticed that there were like 60-70 cats roaming EVERYWHERE. They called the SPCA and started removing cats from her property. She was standing outside sobbing like a child and screaming "MY BABIES" I laughed my ass off and made direct eye contact with her and gave her the finger. It was one of the Learn to do an eagle call. Its pretty easy and they respond well. Just whistle and cut your breath into spurts https://www.youtube.com/watch?v-hlq2kcYQcLc [Embed] We used to call them and then throw the fish guts in the water and watch them swoop down and grab it You could be sum funniest things 've ever seen. I was so f------ excited that it was like I won the lottery. The cats who remain are the ones that ran into the woods like n------ and escaped. I your neighbors cats Anonymous 01/27/15(Tue)10:07:06 No. 594958842、>>594959296 >>594959485 Cats This is taking place in Point Marion PA. Ive been to Morgantown many times. It's right across the border (57%) The goose/cat war heats up especially in summer when they've got babies. None of these cats are fixed, so they basically multiply like Zerg. I anticipate it'll only take 1-2 more breeding seasons for them to be up around 100 Geese are cold blooded killers. Ive literally seen them attack kittens and maul them to death Sometimes the cats defend their babies, other times they take the survivors and just run for their lives eese The cats do the same thing to Goose chicks (Which makes the Geese go f------ spaghetti to the max) but they don't really maul them. They just carry the chicks off in a very direct and purposeful fashion with the intent of eating them inside crazy cat ladies shed. Her shed is basically like an altar of death. I see the cats carrying small rodents and s--- in there all the time. I suppose that's where she feeds them, and es (43%) s that is where they feel safe eating The cats usually lose the fights. It's more the big geese protecting the little ones as the cats try to gun for the weak links. It's like some national geographic s---. Even feral cats go after the sick/injured/weak Geese are basically like orcs. They are barbaric f------ animal, whose society is formed by the strongest members. They even f--- each other up. Ive seen the Alpha male in this group maul and se non Since this is far western PA/West Virginia, there's some pretty wild countryside out here. A lot of forest and hills. So we have Bald Eagles who pass through the area from time to time My first experience (and not my last) with the Eagle was maybe 2 or 3 months after I moved in here. I as leaving my house one morning to head off to work, and as I came outside with my lunch and everything, I saw this f------ Eagle just sitting in the middle of my lawn. Just eating a dead cat like it's a breakfast omelet or some s---. The Eagle looked at me for maybe half a second. We just kind of stared at each other. And then he just kind of went back to eating. I walked through the grass so as to not disturb him Have any of you ever seen a bald eagle in real life? They're f------ huge. I see this crazy son of a bitch nags a cat and just kind of eats them like he doesn't even give Thenevery few ti:dr: the cat horde is an inexhaustible food supply for a migratory bald eagle who patrols up and down GEESE (43%) r near my house ATS (57%)

Greentext Stories
4chan geese cats war story

Fitness

Anonymous 06/20/16(Mon)20:47:25 No 37627770 >>37627972 5 P> so, a little preface. I live in state with about a 30% obesity rate, and recently a heat index of around 113F (45 degress in commie units). My city has a pretty extensive bicycle/running trail system and I know it quite well Today it was only 94F-ish so compared to the weekend it was pretty nice out, so I went for a ride >be me, be riding bicycle for sweet cardio and leg gains >I'm in a nice thickly wooded, and shaded, part of the trail near the river >PBSnaturedoc.mp4 >get to the point on the trail where I know the nearest water fountain is about a mile or so away and 150ft up in elevation (f--- mountain as I call it). Im about 20 miles into my 30 mile ride so im pretty beat but still enough to push on Now anyone can use the trail since it is basically one long ass public park so every now and then I pass the random mobile pavement ape on a skateboard or homeless under a bridge, ect. This includes fatties that want to get in shape >come to a long straight stretch of trail, open to the sun. is there a tree limb blocking my path? Nope, about 1/8th of a mile down the trail there's a fat woman laying on the pavement/grass bike next to her >dressed in solid black t-shirt and 5XL sweat pants... face down >shes laying on the ground breathing fast >salt on the shirt from dried up sweat >pale face eyes not quite open all the way hey are you okay...?" >"im fine" in a distressed voice "okay, is anyone with you?" "no are you SURE you are okay?" >yeah i just need something to drink "well I have some water >"no get my bike bag I have a drink in there" I open up the little bag on the back of her bike to 1/4 full bottle of diet* Dr Pepper This isn't what you should be drinking, sit up i'm going to give you some of my water." Of course this poor specimen of displaced marine wildlife can't sit up cont Anonymous 06/20/16( Mon )21:04:50 No. 37627972 297628020 >-37628 129 okay s----- computer keeps crashing so im not going to greentext as much About this time another cyclist came up. He was one of those guys who rides a bike and take it way to seriously and wears those super short short-shorts. Anyway he stops to help and I explain the classic case of heatstroke We both roll her over to find out she had puked all over herself Chunks of processed garbage and bile all mixed in with dirt and grass clippings from her double chin down to her fupa damn that's gotta be like a gallon of fluicd wakemeup.mp3 we both gag a bit. Fatty mc thunder thighs blacks out. Totally unresponsive, old guy even tries to slap her on the face. No response okay... .this is bad, I call 911 I'm trying to explain where we are on the trail since it has no real address. Too many trees to call in a chopper, too far from any road for an ambulance to get there in a reasonable amount of time 911 operate tells me to do the generic things, put her in the shade, put water on her, ect I explain that tubby is gonna be a fried brisket soon and putting a wet sock on her face ain't going to save her well is there a pool or lake nearby?" the rive So I tell the 911 operate we are gonna roll her into the river, it's only 30 feet away through the woods cont Anonymous 06/20/16(Mon)21:19:00 No 37628129 >>37628178 2 So "you take the feet I got the arms" 3…2.1. HEVE We only moved her about 6 inches... so we both take an arm. As we get her to the tree line she starts moaning since the soft grass as given way to pointy twigs and leaves Oh, it isn't dead We take a break as sweat is poring down our face and tubby is starting to beg not to let her die, maybe she was thinking about her cats, or a buffet, who knows. Somewhere in this her sweat pants got caught on a long and started to come off... and almost on cue as a "F--- YOU for saving me" she s---- herself We get about halfway in and she get's stuck on a small log. Shes stuck, her ass-wings have hooked on the long and is making this hard Okay... 3,2,1 HEEEVE POP* tubby is now screaming, and not just loudly, so loudly and and at the correct pitch you can hear it vibrate in your ears We had pulled her arms out of their sockets. GodFuckingDamnit webm Now we have a whale that is about to die of heat stroke, or internal bleeding, or stress. Pick one, any one will do! Anonymous 06/20/16(Mon)21:22:42 No.3762817837628195 -37628239 -37628301-37628319 37628386 So now we have to pull feet first since any further pulling might tear out the tendons. So with her slippery s--- feet we wipe her down with dirt and leaves... As she is crying and screaming we pull her to the river and just simply let gravity take it's course and roll her over the jagged rocks into the water Her face hits one of the rocks on the way down and she has a pretty nasty cut on her for head but her quad-chin has shielded her wind pipe So now shes in the water crying and in between sobs trying to say something. Like we care I get back on the phone and tell 911 shes in the water, not much more we can do "stay with her so she doesn't float away and drown" We sit by the rivers edge holding her by her head/hair to keep her from slipping into the sweet darkness of the river Funny part is now that she was in the river they decided it was better to dispatch the fire department... in a boat...to come get her Anonymous 06/20/16(Mon)21:44:12 No.3762838637628394376284053762840637628434 3762852437628577 37628178 so the fire department shows up about 30 mins later with a boat. and surprise surprise they cant lift her up on a stretcher. So they bust out the wench they use to pull cars out of water. It was just like when a research ship pulls a whale from the ocean.. maybe they even took her to sea world for rehabilitation. Anyway after they get her out of the water they start pumping saline into her and we find out she has a lot of little scrapes and cuts from the twigs and apparently we dragged her over a broken bottle but she didn't even notice We told the cops what happened and we were told we wouldn't be liable for any injury she had since it was a life/death things. So now it is late morning, our work outs are ruined, we have fatty puke/s--- on us and we both died a little inside Was I right? I did save a life, maybe this is her wake up call, maybe she will make a tumblr post about how to white guys r---- her and got away with it... I just don't know guys
Anonymous 06/20/16(Mon)20:47:25 No 37627770 >>37627972 5 P> so, a little preface. I live in state with about a 30% obesity rate, and recently a heat index of around 113F (45 degress in commie units). My city has a pretty extensive bicycle/running trail system and I know it quite well Today it was only 94F-ish so compared to the weekend it was pretty nice out, so I went for a ride >be me, be riding bicycle for sweet cardio and leg gains >I'm in a nice thickly wooded, and shaded, part of the trail near the river >PBSnaturedoc.mp4 >get to the point on the trail where I know the nearest water fountain is about a mile or so away and 150ft up in elevation (f--- mountain as I call it). Im about 20 miles into my 30 mile ride so im pretty beat but still enough to push on Now anyone can use the trail since it is basically one long ass public park so every now and then I pass the random mobile pavement ape on a skateboard or homeless under a bridge, ect. This includes fatties that want to get in shape >come to a long straight stretch of trail, open to the sun. is there a tree limb blocking my path? Nope, about 1/8th of a mile down the trail there's a fat woman laying on the pavement/grass bike next to her >dressed in solid black t-shirt and 5XL sweat pants... face down >shes laying on the ground breathing fast >salt on the shirt from dried up sweat >pale face eyes not quite open all the way hey are you okay...?" >"im fine" in a distressed voice "okay, is anyone with you?" "no are you SURE you are okay?" >yeah i just need something to drink "well I have some water >"no get my bike bag I have a drink in there" I open up the little bag on the back of her bike to 1/4 full bottle of diet* Dr Pepper This isn't what you should be drinking, sit up i'm going to give you some of my water." Of course this poor specimen of displaced marine wildlife can't sit up cont Anonymous 06/20/16( Mon )21:04:50 No. 37627972 297628020 >-37628 129 okay s----- computer keeps crashing so im not going to greentext as much About this time another cyclist came up. He was one of those guys who rides a bike and take it way to seriously and wears those super short short-shorts. Anyway he stops to help and I explain the classic case of heatstroke We both roll her over to find out she had puked all over herself Chunks of processed garbage and bile all mixed in with dirt and grass clippings from her double chin down to her fupa damn that's gotta be like a gallon of fluicd wakemeup.mp3 we both gag a bit. Fatty mc thunder thighs blacks out. Totally unresponsive, old guy even tries to slap her on the face. No response okay... .this is bad, I call 911 I'm trying to explain where we are on the trail since it has no real address. Too many trees to call in a chopper, too far from any road for an ambulance to get there in a reasonable amount of time 911 operate tells me to do the generic things, put her in the shade, put water on her, ect I explain that tubby is gonna be a fried brisket soon and putting a wet sock on her face ain't going to save her well is there a pool or lake nearby?" the rive So I tell the 911 operate we are gonna roll her into the river, it's only 30 feet away through the woods cont Anonymous 06/20/16(Mon)21:19:00 No 37628129 >>37628178 2 So "you take the feet I got the arms" 3…2.1. HEVE We only moved her about 6 inches... so we both take an arm. As we get her to the tree line she starts moaning since the soft grass as given way to pointy twigs and leaves Oh, it isn't dead We take a break as sweat is poring down our face and tubby is starting to beg not to let her die, maybe she was thinking about her cats, or a buffet, who knows. Somewhere in this her sweat pants got caught on a long and started to come off... and almost on cue as a "F--- YOU for saving me" she s---- herself We get about halfway in and she get's stuck on a small log. Shes stuck, her ass-wings have hooked on the long and is making this hard Okay... 3,2,1 HEEEVE POP* tubby is now screaming, and not just loudly, so loudly and and at the correct pitch you can hear it vibrate in your ears We had pulled her arms out of their sockets. GodFuckingDamnit webm Now we have a whale that is about to die of heat stroke, or internal bleeding, or stress. Pick one, any one will do! Anonymous 06/20/16(Mon)21:22:42 No.3762817837628195 -37628239 -37628301-37628319 37628386 So now we have to pull feet first since any further pulling might tear out the tendons. So with her slippery s--- feet we wipe her down with dirt and leaves... As she is crying and screaming we pull her to the river and just simply let gravity take it's course and roll her over the jagged rocks into the water Her face hits one of the rocks on the way down and she has a pretty nasty cut on her for head but her quad-chin has shielded her wind pipe So now shes in the water crying and in between sobs trying to say something. Like we care I get back on the phone and tell 911 shes in the water, not much more we can do "stay with her so she doesn't float away and drown" We sit by the rivers edge holding her by her head/hair to keep her from slipping into the sweet darkness of the river Funny part is now that she was in the river they decided it was better to dispatch the fire department... in a boat...to come get her Anonymous 06/20/16(Mon)21:44:12 No.3762838637628394376284053762840637628434 3762852437628577 37628178 so the fire department shows up about 30 mins later with a boat. and surprise surprise they cant lift her up on a stretcher. So they bust out the wench they use to pull cars out of water. It was just like when a research ship pulls a whale from the ocean.. maybe they even took her to sea world for rehabilitation. Anyway after they get her out of the water they start pumping saline into her and we find out she has a lot of little scrapes and cuts from the twigs and apparently we dragged her over a broken bottle but she didn't even notice We told the cops what happened and we were told we wouldn't be liable for any injury she had since it was a life/death things. So now it is late morning, our work outs are ruined, we have fatty puke/s--- on us and we both died a little inside Was I right? I did save a life, maybe this is her wake up call, maybe she will make a tumblr post about how to white guys r---- her and got away with it... I just don't know guys

Greentext Stories
greentext 4chan /fit/

spoopy

Anonymous Mon 08 Sep 2014 00:39:56 No.48453276 Report Quoted By: >48453305 >>48453310 >48453354 >>48453367 >4845344648453456 >>48453515 >48453524 >>48453547 >>48453572 here's some of the creepiest s--- I've ever heard, imagine being this guy: some dude in the czech republic has a new baby daughter and wants to keep an eye on her when shes asleep puts a baby monitor camera in her crib and tries to tune his tv to it a video of an emaciated naked little boy chained up in a cellar with big strips of his skin missing pops up on his tv >he calls the cops turns out he was picking up the signal from his neighbors who had the same baby monitor the boys mother had been torturing him and his brother their entire lives her and her sisters and their friends would beat them, starve them, r--- them, burn them, force them to cut themselves and each other, cut bits of skin off of them and force them to eat them she put a camera in the cellar so she could watch them suffer at all times they were members of a cult called the grail movement and were trying to brainwash the boys to be totally devoted when the police arrived they detained the whole family and freed the two boys and a 13 year old girl turns out the 13 year old girl was actually 34 years old and one of the torturers putting on an act to escape she almost got away but was arrested in norway they claimed in court that they were being instructed on how to brainwash the boys via text messages sent by a man known only as "The Doctor reads like a horror movie but its all real: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1080256/Cannibal-cult-mother-skinned-son-eat-flesh-gets-9-years-jail.html http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1027962/Boy-skinned-eaten-cannibal-cult-family.html
Anonymous Mon 08 Sep 2014 00:39:56 No.48453276 Report Quoted By: >48453305 >>48453310 >48453354 >>48453367 >4845344648453456 >>48453515 >48453524 >>48453547 >>48453572 here's some of the creepiest s--- I've ever heard, imagine being this guy: some dude in the czech republic has a new baby daughter and wants to keep an eye on her when shes asleep puts a baby monitor camera in her crib and tries to tune his tv to it a video of an emaciated naked little boy chained up in a cellar with big strips of his skin missing pops up on his tv >he calls the cops turns out he was picking up the signal from his neighbors who had the same baby monitor the boys mother had been torturing him and his brother their entire lives her and her sisters and their friends would beat them, starve them, r--- them, burn them, force them to cut themselves and each other, cut bits of skin off of them and force them to eat them she put a camera in the cellar so she could watch them suffer at all times they were members of a cult called the grail movement and were trying to brainwash the boys to be totally devoted when the police arrived they detained the whole family and freed the two boys and a 13 year old girl turns out the 13 year old girl was actually 34 years old and one of the torturers putting on an act to escape she almost got away but was arrested in norway they claimed in court that they were being instructed on how to brainwash the boys via text messages sent by a man known only as "The Doctor reads like a horror movie but its all real: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1080256/Cannibal-cult-mother-skinned-son-eat-flesh-gets-9-years-jail.html http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1027962/Boy-skinned-eaten-cannibal-cult-family.html

Greentext Stories
czech republic cult greentext green text story grail movement

/K/ryptid

" Anonymous 09/06/15(Sun)04:35:43 No.271 37336 22271 37427 >>27137445 Ps i actually have an awkward story about something like this >about 20 miles innawoods >convinced no one will see me >go full cro magnon sturn my shirt into a makeshift loin clothe >over the next couple days let my already shaggy beard get unruly >paint my face and chest with berry juice and mud >one day fishing with a pointy stick cause i didnt bring alot of protein >see college hipster hikers have made camp across the river >weird cause it was pretty far out >spear a fish after a 40 or so >they spot me try to say hello as loud as i can >havent spoken in 6 days and flem has built up in my throat >comes out as HUURRR >look visibly freaked out >decide to book it before it gets worse >sprint for the shore >slip as i reach it >decide to just go with it srun up the sloped shore on all fours >run back to my shelter minutes
" Anonymous 09/06/15(Sun)04:35:43 No.271 37336 22271 37427 >>27137445 Ps i actually have an awkward story about something like this >about 20 miles innawoods >convinced no one will see me >go full cro magnon sturn my shirt into a makeshift loin clothe >over the next couple days let my already shaggy beard get unruly >paint my face and chest with berry juice and mud >one day fishing with a pointy stick cause i didnt bring alot of protein >see college hipster hikers have made camp across the river >weird cause it was pretty far out >spear a fish after a 40 or so >they spot me try to say hello as loud as i can >havent spoken in 6 days and flem has built up in my throat >comes out as HUURRR >look visibly freaked out >decide to book it before it gets worse >sprint for the shore >slip as i reach it >decide to just go with it srun up the sloped shore on all fours >run back to my shelter minutes

Greentext Stories
/k/

Jin Wang

> □ Anonymous (ID SA M.) 02/06/ 16(Sat) 1 1 00 58 No. 63229489 >>63229606 쯔63229640 2-6322970s-S3229739 >>532301 19 >>53230289 Let me tell you a story I heard a few years ago in Taiwan Visiting Taipei for the ghost festival >meet a very old Buddhist monk >he's from Tibet he takes a liking to me and we talk over dinner >fled to Taiwan in the 50's >absolutely hates the Dalai Lama for giving up his country without a fight >says he saw his master killed infront of him for retelling the forbidden story of Jin Wang >Jin Wang or the Gold King also known as the first Gwai Lo >known as the bringer of civilization the story begins that long ago after a great catastrophe when the land was swallowed up by the sea >A living ghost or 'Gwai Lo' appeared to the people from the ocean >he was unlike anything they had seen before >His Eyes were as Blue as misfortune(some parts of china blue is considered unlucky). His hair was as Gold as the Sun, and his Skin was as white as a ghost >This ghost man brought with him the gift of knowledge >he taught the people the art of civilization >he helped them rebuild their lives >taught them medicine >and how to survive in this new ruined world >In their gratitude they named him Jin Wang or Gold King for his golden hair was his most striking feature for many years Jin Wang lived among the people >they saw him as a gift from heaven >he told them of his homeland a place lost under the waves every morning he would look unto the sea with the rising sun at his back longing to be reunited with his people >one day Jin Wang built a giant boat in the shape of a mighty beast that spit fire and set sail towards the sun looking for his people sit is said that Jin Wang had a thousand sons whom he sent out to bring civilization to the rest of china
> □ Anonymous (ID SA M.) 02/06/ 16(Sat) 1 1 00 58 No. 63229489 >>63229606 쯔63229640 2-6322970s-S3229739 >>532301 19 >>53230289 Let me tell you a story I heard a few years ago in Taiwan Visiting Taipei for the ghost festival >meet a very old Buddhist monk >he's from Tibet he takes a liking to me and we talk over dinner >fled to Taiwan in the 50's >absolutely hates the Dalai Lama for giving up his country without a fight >says he saw his master killed infront of him for retelling the forbidden story of Jin Wang >Jin Wang or the Gold King also known as the first Gwai Lo >known as the bringer of civilization the story begins that long ago after a great catastrophe when the land was swallowed up by the sea >A living ghost or 'Gwai Lo' appeared to the people from the ocean >he was unlike anything they had seen before >His Eyes were as Blue as misfortune(some parts of china blue is considered unlucky). His hair was as Gold as the Sun, and his Skin was as white as a ghost >This ghost man brought with him the gift of knowledge >he taught the people the art of civilization >he helped them rebuild their lives >taught them medicine >and how to survive in this new ruined world >In their gratitude they named him Jin Wang or Gold King for his golden hair was his most striking feature for many years Jin Wang lived among the people >they saw him as a gift from heaven >he told them of his homeland a place lost under the waves every morning he would look unto the sea with the rising sun at his back longing to be reunited with his people >one day Jin Wang built a giant boat in the shape of a mighty beast that spit fire and set sail towards the sun looking for his people sit is said that Jin Wang had a thousand sons whom he sent out to bring civilization to the rest of china

Greentext Stories
china taipei gold king first gwai lo

You've got to hand it to his girlfriend.

File: 1359198371947 ipg-(3 KB, 114x125, 1234.jpg) Anonymous (ID: U7tMS3Z) 01/26/13(Sat) Stories from the past that you wont tell be 16 sitting on the bus >Get boner 's really noticable >My GF is to my left >she starts touching boner >Feelsgoodman.jpg >Gives me h------ >Every one starts noticing >E-------- out of fear >Pants all covered in j--- >Bus driver shows tape to princible >Principal Invites parents to school >Get expelled Dad laughs at me and never takes me serious >Mom takes me to the therapist >Hate my GF right now >My GF is my hand memecenter.com MemeCerterae

Greentext Stories
green text stories girlfriend gf expelled bus meme center

>tfw

>> O Anonymous 05/27/16(Fri)17:35:41 No.28860112 File: 1391441410237 png (103 KB, 500x377) >years have passed and she's still on your mind >Chad bends her over and f---- her behind >"She'll appreciate me now that have a degree!" >she's with Doctor Chad, taking Vitamin D you pray to God that she'll give you a chance >she's just now removed Chad's underpants when you were a teen, you asked her to prom >she's a featured model on "slutfuck.com" syou know that if she were yours, you'd treat her right >Chad beats her in the morning and f---- her at night you hope she'll appreciate your wide-ranging knowledge she f----- sixty guys before leaving college >they said things would get better as you got older >all your girlfriends exist in a My Documents folder they say good things come to those who wait you're still a kissless virgin at twenty-eight you're on the internet, saving the white race Chad's at a party, c------ right on her face you spend all your time reading "red pill" material >Chad greets her in the morning with c-- on her cereal >you ponder the complexities of an -ist or -ism >meanwhile she's gargling on Chad's piss or j--- you wake in the morning and wish you were dead she wakes in the morning and asks, "Who's in my bed?" you wonder if she's still thinking of you someone says your name and she wonders, "Who?"
>> O Anonymous 05/27/16(Fri)17:35:41 No.28860112 File: 1391441410237 png (103 KB, 500x377) >years have passed and she's still on your mind >Chad bends her over and f---- her behind >"She'll appreciate me now that have a degree!" >she's with Doctor Chad, taking Vitamin D you pray to God that she'll give you a chance >she's just now removed Chad's underpants when you were a teen, you asked her to prom >she's a featured model on "slutfuck.com" syou know that if she were yours, you'd treat her right >Chad beats her in the morning and f---- her at night you hope she'll appreciate your wide-ranging knowledge she f----- sixty guys before leaving college >they said things would get better as you got older >all your girlfriends exist in a My Documents folder they say good things come to those who wait you're still a kissless virgin at twenty-eight you're on the internet, saving the white race Chad's at a party, c------ right on her face you spend all your time reading "red pill" material >Chad greets her in the morning with c-- on her cereal >you ponder the complexities of an -ist or -ism >meanwhile she's gargling on Chad's piss or j--- you wake in the morning and wish you were dead she wakes in the morning and asks, "Who's in my bed?" you wonder if she's still thinking of you someone says your name and she wonders, "Who?"

Greentext Stories
green text /r9k/

Pen Pals

File: image.ipg (179 KB, 1600x1600) I AM BREADY TO □ Anonymous 04/30/1 6(Sat)23:30:56 No. 681 99094 1 22681 993302 >>681993569 226819941 21 22681 994294 >Live in a s--- neighborhood and in s--- apartment complex >Monkeys yelling profanity and homeless people everywhere >One day while walking home from the place of learning, spot a small makeshift house made of old, rotten-wooded fence posts >Notice that it has a mailbox by the makeshift door >Hatch a plan >Go home and write a small letter saying hello to the nice man, asking if he'd care if I wrote to him >Place it in the mailbox along with a pencil and some paper and put the red flag up the next day while walking to school >Pass by it while walking home and notice it that the flag is down >Stealth-Ninja to the mailbox and grab the letter inside >Rush home and read it >Says some b------- like he would love to talk to me and that his name is Tommy >Write another letter saying that he has a great name and ask how he ended up in the position of being homeless Fast forward a couple days >Me and Tommy are great pen pals >l do my usual routine of getting the letter while walking home and reading it once I get home >One day he asks what I look like >Hatch an even better plan >Describe myself as the autistic 10 year old girl that lives below me >Use words like "Cute" and "Cuvy" >Tommy is 100% into it >Asks if I'd like to meet him >Tell him "Of course I do" with about 500 exclamation points >He asks where >Tell him to meet me at my apartment and give him my neighbors apartment number >Tell him he has to come really late at night so my mom won't be here >Tell him to bang on the door loudly because I'm a bit hard of hearing >Seal the deal with my final letter to him by putting a few small hearts around the page >Mfw I wake up at 3am with cops at my building >Mfw Tommy was arrested >Mfw the small autistic girl is screaming incredibly loud >Mfw Tommy is probably going to be charged with Attempted Sexual Assault >Mfw the small house disappeared the following week
File: image.ipg (179 KB, 1600x1600) I AM BREADY TO □ Anonymous 04/30/1 6(Sat)23:30:56 No. 681 99094 1 22681 993302 >>681993569 226819941 21 22681 994294 >Live in a s--- neighborhood and in s--- apartment complex >Monkeys yelling profanity and homeless people everywhere >One day while walking home from the place of learning, spot a small makeshift house made of old, rotten-wooded fence posts >Notice that it has a mailbox by the makeshift door >Hatch a plan >Go home and write a small letter saying hello to the nice man, asking if he'd care if I wrote to him >Place it in the mailbox along with a pencil and some paper and put the red flag up the next day while walking to school >Pass by it while walking home and notice it that the flag is down >Stealth-Ninja to the mailbox and grab the letter inside >Rush home and read it >Says some b------- like he would love to talk to me and that his name is Tommy >Write another letter saying that he has a great name and ask how he ended up in the position of being homeless Fast forward a couple days >Me and Tommy are great pen pals >l do my usual routine of getting the letter while walking home and reading it once I get home >One day he asks what I look like >Hatch an even better plan >Describe myself as the autistic 10 year old girl that lives below me >Use words like "Cute" and "Cuvy" >Tommy is 100% into it >Asks if I'd like to meet him >Tell him "Of course I do" with about 500 exclamation points >He asks where >Tell him to meet me at my apartment and give him my neighbors apartment number >Tell him he has to come really late at night so my mom won't be here >Tell him to bang on the door loudly because I'm a bit hard of hearing >Seal the deal with my final letter to him by putting a few small hearts around the page >Mfw I wake up at 3am with cops at my building >Mfw Tommy was arrested >Mfw the small autistic girl is screaming incredibly loud >Mfw Tommy is probably going to be charged with Attempted Sexual Assault >Mfw the small house disappeared the following week

Greentext Stories
4chan /b/ green text stories

Hmm

>S Anonymous 05/20/16(Fri)20 17:02 No 685328630 ·A8550144 There he is. There he goes again. Look, everyone! He posted it once again! Isn't he just the funniest guy around?! Oh my God I can almost see your pathetic overweight frame glowing in the dark, lit by your computer screen which is the only source of light in your room, giggling like a like girl as you once again type your little Banana thread up and fill in the captcha. Or maybe you don't even fill in the captcha. Maybe you're such a disgusting NEET that you actually paid for a 4chan pass, so you just choose the picture. Oh, and we all know the picture. The "epic" Banana guy, isn't it? I imagine you little s--- laughing so hard as you click it that you drop your Doritos on the floor, but it's ok, your mother will clean it up in the morning. Oh, that's right. Did I fail to mention? You live with your mother. You are a fat f------ f-----, she's probably so sick of you already. So sick of having to do everything for you all goddamn day, every day, for a grown man who spends all his time on 4chan posting about a f------ banana. Just imagine this. She had you, and then she thought you were gonna be a scientist or an astronaut or something grand, and then you became a NEET. A pathetic Bananafag NEET. She probably cries herself to sleep everyday thinking about how bad it is and how she wishes she could just disappear. She can't even try to talk with you because all you say is "lI REALLY REALLY LIKE THIS PICTURE." You've become a parody of your own self. And that's all you are. A sad little man laughing in the dark by himself as he prepares to indulge in the same old dance that he's done a million times now. And that's all you'll ever be.
>S Anonymous 05/20/16(Fri)20 17:02 No 685328630 ·A8550144 There he is. There he goes again. Look, everyone! He posted it once again! Isn't he just the funniest guy around?! Oh my God I can almost see your pathetic overweight frame glowing in the dark, lit by your computer screen which is the only source of light in your room, giggling like a like girl as you once again type your little Banana thread up and fill in the captcha. Or maybe you don't even fill in the captcha. Maybe you're such a disgusting NEET that you actually paid for a 4chan pass, so you just choose the picture. Oh, and we all know the picture. The "epic" Banana guy, isn't it? I imagine you little s--- laughing so hard as you click it that you drop your Doritos on the floor, but it's ok, your mother will clean it up in the morning. Oh, that's right. Did I fail to mention? You live with your mother. You are a fat f------ f-----, she's probably so sick of you already. So sick of having to do everything for you all goddamn day, every day, for a grown man who spends all his time on 4chan posting about a f------ banana. Just imagine this. She had you, and then she thought you were gonna be a scientist or an astronaut or something grand, and then you became a NEET. A pathetic Bananafag NEET. She probably cries herself to sleep everyday thinking about how bad it is and how she wishes she could just disappear. She can't even try to talk with you because all you say is "lI REALLY REALLY LIKE THIS PICTURE." You've become a parody of your own self. And that's all you are. A sad little man laughing in the dark by himself as he prepares to indulge in the same old dance that he's done a million times now. And that's all you'll ever be.

Greentext Stories
not really greentext but a story

Hmm

Anonymous 05/20/16(Fri)22:56:17 No.2870457728705233 ok >be me >sophomore in high school first class in English >have to write a 5-word essay about why English is good >due next week okay there's no rush, decide to finish it the day before as I've always done become absorbed in runescape >forget about the whole thing >fail the class >must drop out because of this don't think about or hear anything from the school since >fast forward 9 years the essay suddenly pops into my mind can't stop thinking about it write "I forgot everything. I'm sorry." on a piece of paper, add my name and signature there as well as other necessary information spend 1 year to mentally prepare myself to hand in the essay >one morning pick up the essay and walk to old high school the building looks abandoned >go in nonetheless walk around the empty hallways, reminiscing about the old days >hear sounds from staff room >go there >see an elderly woman packing some stuff in a cardboard box introduce myself >we talk a bit turns out she used to be the principal of the school the school was closed 2 years ago >she's retired now and returned to collect some things before the building would be demolished and everything would be thrown away tell her I was a student there 10 years ago and ask if it still is possible to hand in my long overdue English essay >she asks me who my teacher was tell her she says my English teacher had to retire 8 years ago due to an early-stage dementia and died 5 years ago >she also says that despite the condition, the English teacher would always remember me of all students teacher would always tell her "Poor Anon. If only he handed in his essay. That kid had lots of potential. It's sad to see it all go to waste." >think it's already too late >say I have to go and say goodbye to the former principal >leave the room >change my mind >walk towards the classroom where I had the English classes >the door is closed try to open it >it's locked slip the essay from under the door walk away, don't look back
Anonymous 05/20/16(Fri)22:56:17 No.2870457728705233 ok >be me >sophomore in high school first class in English >have to write a 5-word essay about why English is good >due next week okay there's no rush, decide to finish it the day before as I've always done become absorbed in runescape >forget about the whole thing >fail the class >must drop out because of this don't think about or hear anything from the school since >fast forward 9 years the essay suddenly pops into my mind can't stop thinking about it write "I forgot everything. I'm sorry." on a piece of paper, add my name and signature there as well as other necessary information spend 1 year to mentally prepare myself to hand in the essay >one morning pick up the essay and walk to old high school the building looks abandoned >go in nonetheless walk around the empty hallways, reminiscing about the old days >hear sounds from staff room >go there >see an elderly woman packing some stuff in a cardboard box introduce myself >we talk a bit turns out she used to be the principal of the school the school was closed 2 years ago >she's retired now and returned to collect some things before the building would be demolished and everything would be thrown away tell her I was a student there 10 years ago and ask if it still is possible to hand in my long overdue English essay >she asks me who my teacher was tell her she says my English teacher had to retire 8 years ago due to an early-stage dementia and died 5 years ago >she also says that despite the condition, the English teacher would always remember me of all students teacher would always tell her "Poor Anon. If only he handed in his essay. That kid had lots of potential. It's sad to see it all go to waste." >think it's already too late >say I have to go and say goodbye to the former principal >leave the room >change my mind >walk towards the classroom where I had the English classes >the door is closed try to open it >it's locked slip the essay from under the door walk away, don't look back

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Anon breaks his leg

Anon breaks his leg 20/05/16

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green text nsfw

'_'

File: 1442394497 (8 KB, 456x 350) ! Anonymous 05/10/16(Tue)22:07:21 №28473153 [Reply] >>28473353>>28473425 >get on the train >4 free seats >happy to be alone >3 girls get in before the doors close >they are looking for a seat >one of them stops in front of me and says here the other two girls give me a disqusting look >they look at her friend with a "are you crazy" face >first girl sits in front of me >second girl thinks for a second and quickly sits next to her friend >there's only the seat next to mine now >third girl looks at me with disgust again and slowly sits down checking nothing in my phone to ignoret >l feel like crying I didn't want to sit with you neither.
File: 1442394497 (8 KB, 456x 350) ! Anonymous 05/10/16(Tue)22:07:21 №28473153 [Reply] >>28473353>>28473425 >get on the train >4 free seats >happy to be alone >3 girls get in before the doors close >they are looking for a seat >one of them stops in front of me and says here the other two girls give me a disqusting look >they look at her friend with a "are you crazy" face >first girl sits in front of me >second girl thinks for a second and quickly sits next to her friend >there's only the seat next to mine now >third girl looks at me with disgust again and slowly sits down checking nothing in my phone to ignoret >l feel like crying I didn't want to sit with you neither.

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tfwnoqtpi

Dirty Anon fanfic part 1-5

Pic unrelated Pollack-f------ anon here with more about the Nicola story. Reposting for those unaware Meet 18 year old cute af blonde, skinny, big boobed polish immigrant Fresh off the boat iteraly speaks like a handful of american words The After dinner I go up to play video games Pollack She's entranced by the games, never played them before talk to her about the game (l think was Dark Souls 1 or Demon's Souls). taach har how to speak MURICAN a little battar Start seeing her pretty regularly since she's a neighbor and her parents grow s--- in their backyards attracting animals to the neighborhood ike the polish f------ immigrants they are Girl tums 17 Attends local high school I can teill she lskes me because she goes out of her way to hug me and tak to me no matter what Sha's in a group with her friands? She don't give a f--- Adults and police officers nearby? She's hugging onto me like ve slammed her with the best D of her life He says just go for it Ibring up the age Bro 17 is lagal you just can't take pictures Bulshit Age of consent is 16 years old where we are Hey Nicola, any plans today? Tel her if she's free around dinner, she can come over and ' cook her something just us She comes over 500 nght on the dot m fresh out of the shower too, my hair is stil wot 뇌cook us some delicious chicken ard perogs because if you're over the age of 8 and you can't cook you should definely kil yourself She talla me there's a boy she lkes but she's too shy to do anything Says her fnends make fun of her for being innocent l tell her she's beautful and any guy would be lucky to even look at her (gay I know but I figured she was the type to go for sweet talking) Sitting close to her on the couch, playing with her hair seling her how cute annd prety she is tell her 10 ocaress dat f------ perfect creamy polish skin perfec- I her I really ike her 거 say a mental prayer thanking God, Alah. Budda, Vishnu and Odin for nave. vrgn poishimmigrants nd dry hump her a gripa my hands tightly her lke that against my body's every unge, I let her back up and just hold her and cuddle her and whisper sweet things to her My d--- is threatening to tear through my pants and annihilate her womb Anonymous 05/13/16Fri200015 No.68413624159416142 She starts talking to me nonstop about everything god what have l >Any second she gets, she's calling or texting me, just generally being cingy signs all her teats with my place She comes night from I don't bry anything with my hands. Gotta be patient This -F叩Ike 3 times a day to her facebook pictures. the day -l tenderly touch her skin around her flat stomach and kiss her neck 거 hover my hands over her breasts over the clews, close enough, so she knows where my hands am but not really touching moaning Iike a beast from neck kissing Anon. anon does this make us... I mean are we like.are 'Are you my boyfriend ano Hee friends probably told her the truth about me just wanting to embed my spermc annon in that cute lse ass ace my hand on her breast, kiss her lps and whisper n her ear. want to belfucking love you Nicola. grabs my face and She's breathing intensely whie I rub her chest with just the back of my hand spread her legs, kiss her lips and press my buige right into her crotch whisper compliments in her ear while I play with her sts Don't go any further It's hard, bus I know s batter to sand her home breathless and homy >l see her making like facebook statuses about meeting the man of her deans, being in love、blah blah blah shnnng the urge to just rip her clothes off and f--- her until I keel over and die is so strong Anonymous 06/13/16 Fn2000 53 No 684136318 . She comes over from after school She coses the door behind her and I just hug her from bhind, instant boner press it aganst har butt and start kissing her ock First moan I hear I start touching her t--- and dry humping her a little She's Jesus f--- through two pairs of jeans just this is enough to make me about ready to unload stop and look in Tell her I'm sormy, "But baby you're just so beautful, the most beautiful gil in the world, and seeing you just drives me wild, it winds up my desires and since I can't release them it makes me go She apologizes, tells me she's sorry for making me crazy and not giving me what I want Tell her she's the only one who can h and place har Tell her I need her, she's the only one who can, say please She grabs t and just holds it 6 or 50 inches long bui rm piety thick Her hands are f------ sik, holy sht -she moans and jerks me off faster, cuddling into me and kissing my neck s neally really big! her hand and my ask her Smile and ask her if she likes it She nods and ses l tease her ripples and p---- through her clothes while we cuddie, getting her so homy that she's humping me and showening me with kisses after a whle I start to feel a damp patch, the sice of a dime at most on her jeans, which means that # I undid them t'd be like breaching the hoover Sand her home after a bit crazily homy do the same thing the next day: tease her body untl she's humping me, then I ask her to get on her knees and give me a hand) ob again She obeys and starts rubbing my d---, her head nesting on my leg while I play with her hair she should take off She starts giving my d--- a longue massage ike you woudn't belivel b------ wery good at it but s cute doing it sPulls her mouth off of it and massages those really sensitive glands on the side of my tip with her tongue and lips while stroking my shaft and looks up She stands up and I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her ass and buiry my face in her sts pul them out of her bra and start sucking on one of those bad boys ay with just her t--- and rub her ass until she has to leave again STOH MY GOO She said really loudly and hugged me tightly to her chest She held me so tight it actualy made it hard to suckle those nips property Anonymous 05/13/16Fi 20 02 04 No 6841 36448 トー1trH d141mm >She comes to my work the next day when school is finished and gives me a hug dry humping me d been purposely leaving her sexualy frustrated without her being experienced enough to know why -She was sex-crazed after weeks of build up with no release -She said she's coming wearing a tank top and a short jan skirt This time she's the aggressor -l drag her to my room and put her on her back and start making out with her, sucking her neck pulling her straps down and sucking her t---, while her hands are all over my crotch ol rub over her skit purposefully leasing her more -l hike her skirt up with my hands and kiss her whle I rub her soaked panties with my fingers Then I press my buge against her panties, dry humping her and she's moaning loud -l undo my pants and puill them down Now it's underwear on underwear Wat unti shes beggng for rt, then l pul her parties aside and 5ide my d--- nght n stes n pan but the pleasure dwng her crazy She's moanng and cing ng to me while "Ek her raw lt doesnt take long She c--- with the force of 1000 suns clawing into my back. Than she c--- again Finally I pull out and c-- all over har panti Now that we're up to dabe, lers eontinue Anonymous 05/13/16Fn20:09.64 No 684137306 · ーMtA74脸ー41ST Parents go to her house for dinner Sit next to Nicola She's clinging to my arm and chafting my ear off toll har "bitc h you need to chir Eat dnets me up to he She's sad but as soon as I'm out of the house I text her to make an excuse and come to the park Apologize for dinner but tell her I don't want her dad to r--- me with his polish sausage >She's ail furty. "What do you want to do anon? what I want Not much cover but they bump up against a fence Sll if anyone was coming into the part from the street, they could see us, and if anyone was at the park and looked close enough, they could see us Pull her over, bend her over and pull down those pants Slida my c--- into that tight polish p---- >And god she is so tight More? After the park incident she develops a public fetish Something about the th Troo ined but not much cover her to be able to she can practice Your right. 1 should start practicing right now."grabs my pants Instant boner tell her no, but she gets on her knees and pulls her its out and says please

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Some things should remain where they was found

File: 14619842 (835 KB, 280x189) Anonymous 05/07/16(Sat)00:49:52 No.6830552152683056007 So l posted this greentext yesterday, but I didn't get any practical advice be mne be really into watersports get horny lay on back, legs over head, c--- in mouth piss in mouth enjoy the taste/feeling see empty water bottle get idea aim c--- into water bottle, fill about half of it with piss drink some not the same get another idea walk to washroom, bottle in hand squat over toilet use piss as lube to finger ass shove bottle in ass had to twist it in because it had a twist-off cap feelsbadman.jpg bend over, give myself a piss enema feels pretty good pull bottle out feel sharp pain in anus Continued Pic unrelated Anonymous 05/07/16(Sat)00:55:40 No.683056007 Continued release contents of anus piss and s--- pebbles fall out literally farting piss clean up, walk to bsd exhausted, cry didn't even c-- later, feel something wet in my boxers in the back >f--- Oblivion run to washroom, squat over toilet, release my sphincter s--- pebble falls out covered in blood stare at blood-piss-s--- for a solid 2 minutes wipe ass stuff anus with toilet paper This happened to me yesterday, and my ass still hurts. I'm a little scared to check if it's still bloody Please advise, for real this time 2 Anonymous 05/07/16(Sat)01:07:51 No.683057578 most likely you've given yourself an a--- fissure. these are tears in the mucosa surrounding the anus which are very common but can be very painful. the biggest issue is that the pain will cause your sphincter to spasm tightly which then in turn cuts off the blood supply to the skin around the anus. the lack of blood flow to the fissure (cut, likely from the bottle opening) can make it nearly impossible for these to heal without surgery to cut the sphincter, release tension, and allow blood flow see if it heals up on its own in the next week. if it doesn't, go see a doctor. this is a common problem from straining and constipation and d------- a--- piss bottles

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hmm

/fit/ at its finest

Anonymous 05/10/16(Tue)13:30:10 No. 37110035 File: image.ipg (31 KB, 343x343) 2237110198 237110251 2237110337 2237110517 237116074 2237115232 37109901 be me >6'3 250lbs <10%bf >see dyel kid doing OHP in the squat rack walk up to him and poke him in the chest >he coughs ask him what rack this is he stutters and says, 'th-the squat rack can also be used for OHP tell him that his ass can be used to pleasure my c--- but he wouldn't want that, would he? he tries to look away and I grab him by the chin and tell him to look me in the eye like a man or to get on his knees like a bitch >he starts to walk away pull back and punch him in the back of the head >he goes down >his manlet friend comes up and tries to berate me push past him, kick his friend in the head, grab my bag and leave that gym never to returm that p---- probably never even contacted the police L Anonymous 05/10/16 Tue 14:00:33 No.371 10198 File: don draper reaction 2ipg (61 KB, 252x355) >>37110229>>37110327-37112670 >-371 1 3398 2-371157 4>-37116074-37116232 2-37116566 >37110035 > be me > first month of SL finally starting to get some confidence as I break through my first OHP plateau >share gym with an obese sperglord who routinely pulls his shirt up to mire his gut and mutter HEIGHT FACE FRAME > one day comes up to me > 'e-excuse me w-what rack is this > the squat rack, but I'm OHP'ing in it she starts to frantically stutter something about using his ass to pleasure my c--- >'what? > 1--look me in the knees' > rack my bar, decide to end OHP early so this autist gets away from me turn around, hear an earsplitting 'REEEEEEEEEEEEEE > autist is s------- himself and flailing on the ground >manlet friend comes up to see if he needs help > autist jumps to his feet and sonic-runs out of the gym > never see him again > mfw Anonymous 05/10/16(Tue)22:57:43 No. 37116232 . >37110035 thank you /fit/
Anonymous 05/10/16(Tue)13:30:10 No. 37110035 File: image.ipg (31 KB, 343x343) 2237110198 237110251 2237110337 2237110517 237116074 2237115232 37109901 be me >6'3 250lbs <10%bf >see dyel kid doing OHP in the squat rack walk up to him and poke him in the chest >he coughs ask him what rack this is he stutters and says, 'th-the squat rack can also be used for OHP tell him that his ass can be used to pleasure my c--- but he wouldn't want that, would he? he tries to look away and I grab him by the chin and tell him to look me in the eye like a man or to get on his knees like a bitch >he starts to walk away pull back and punch him in the back of the head >he goes down >his manlet friend comes up and tries to berate me push past him, kick his friend in the head, grab my bag and leave that gym never to returm that p---- probably never even contacted the police L Anonymous 05/10/16 Tue 14:00:33 No.371 10198 File: don draper reaction 2ipg (61 KB, 252x355) >>37110229>>37110327-37112670 >-371 1 3398 2-371157 4>-37116074-37116232 2-37116566 >37110035 > be me > first month of SL finally starting to get some confidence as I break through my first OHP plateau >share gym with an obese sperglord who routinely pulls his shirt up to mire his gut and mutter HEIGHT FACE FRAME > one day comes up to me > 'e-excuse me w-what rack is this > the squat rack, but I'm OHP'ing in it she starts to frantically stutter something about using his ass to pleasure my c--- >'what? > 1--look me in the knees' > rack my bar, decide to end OHP early so this autist gets away from me turn around, hear an earsplitting 'REEEEEEEEEEEEEE > autist is s------- himself and flailing on the ground >manlet friend comes up to see if he needs help > autist jumps to his feet and sonic-runs out of the gym > never see him again > mfw Anonymous 05/10/16(Tue)22:57:43 No. 37116232 . >37110035 thank you /fit/

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EAT SHIT

Funny story >had gf at time. Be sleeping together 37 KB JPG >having dream about fighting Throwing hooks but it's like I've got the brakes on >apparently making agitated noises and saying "eat s---" in my sleep >gf decides to wake me up thinking I'm having a nightmare >she snaps me out of my dream right as I'm throwing a punch >unload a full force left hook right into her stomach >she rolls of the bed winded >I snap up still confused >scream "eat s--- bob Ross" at the top of my lungs >hear my gf sucking wind and laughing her ass off at the same time
Funny story >had gf at time. Be sleeping together 37 KB JPG >having dream about fighting Throwing hooks but it's like I've got the brakes on >apparently making agitated noises and saying "eat s---" in my sleep >gf decides to wake me up thinking I'm having a nightmare >she snaps me out of my dream right as I'm throwing a punch >unload a full force left hook right into her stomach >she rolls of the bed winded >I snap up still confused >scream "eat s--- bob Ross" at the top of my lungs >hear my gf sucking wind and laughing her ass off at the same time

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sleep gf bob ross