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Anon buys a backpack | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 17 KB PNG 09/02/22(Fri)08:59:47 No.2452634 >I fell for the military grade tasmanian tiger 851+151 extreme v series internal frame backpack >the thing is obviously made for a guy who is 6 foot 6 and built like a brick s--- house >It's so f------ huge it barely fits on me Bros I f----- up and now I can't return it. 17 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
Anonymous 17 KB PNG 09/02/22(Fri)08:59:47 No.2452634 >I fell for the military grade tasmanian tiger 851+151 extreme v series internal frame backpack >the thing is obviously made for a guy who is 6 foot 6 and built like a brick s--- house >It's so f------ huge it barely fits on me Bros I f----- up and now I can't return it. 17 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Future anon has to clean | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 19 KB JPG 02/28/21(Sun)12:59:04 No.848456155 >be me saturday morning >carefully walking to bedroom with a cup full of coffee >realize f--- it, I can just yeet this cup, future me will have to clean it up >yeet said cup, coffee everywhere on carpet and bed >j------- while laughing at cuck future me >mfw I'm future me
: Anonymous 19 KB JPG 02/28/21(Sun)12:59:04 No.848456155 >be me saturday morning >carefully walking to bedroom with a cup full of coffee >realize f--- it, I can just yeet this cup, future me will have to clean it up >yeet said cup, coffee everywhere on carpet and bed >j------- while laughing at cuck future me >mfw I'm future me

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Anon has a programming question | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/02/22(Fri)17:34:44 No.88409178 >be me yesterday >taking programming course >get stuck trying to implement some b------- recursive method >2:19am >f--- this, going to sleep >have a vivid dream in which I actually implement it by using a 2nd recursive method >jolt awake, feel euphoric >immediately want to test it, get out of bed >feel kind of weird >look down >pants completely soaked in semen The code worked, but I have really mixed feelings about what happened. Anyone else ever wet programming dreams? Not sure if I should bring it up to my therapist.
Anonymous 09/02/22(Fri)17:34:44 No.88409178 >be me yesterday >taking programming course >get stuck trying to implement some b------- recursive method >2:19am >f--- this, going to sleep >have a vivid dream in which I actually implement it by using a 2nd recursive method >jolt awake, feel euphoric >immediately want to test it, get out of bed >feel kind of weird >look down >pants completely soaked in semen The code worked, but I have really mixed feelings about what happened. Anyone else ever wet programming dreams? Not sure if I should bring it up to my therapist.

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Anon is a pawg | /r/Greentext

Anonymous bros, genetics completely f---(...) netpostingyalos Ache some of your rests are ker omul range set by WHO - T Cine ATME Cam K Mary 38 KB PNG Anonymous 65 KB JPG >wide hips >6 feet tall but look weird, hips are >low sperm motility >very small testicles and penis the f--- went wrong with me 46 Replies / 6 Images 09/02/22 (Fri)02:34:52 No.70049718 abnormally big >f----- up fat distribution >very weak >cant grow a beard >hot flashes >>70051905 # f------ end it dude. >>70049781 # View Thread 09/02/22 (Fri)06:12:09 No.70051888 AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA just
Anonymous bros, genetics completely f---(...) netpostingyalos Ache some of your rests are ker omul range set by WHO - T Cine ATME Cam K Mary 38 KB PNG Anonymous 65 KB JPG >wide hips >6 feet tall but look weird, hips are >low sperm motility >very small testicles and penis the f--- went wrong with me 46 Replies / 6 Images 09/02/22 (Fri)02:34:52 No.70049718 abnormally big >f----- up fat distribution >very weak >cant grow a beard >hot flashes >>70051905 # f------ end it dude. >>70049781 # View Thread 09/02/22 (Fri)06:12:09 No.70051888 AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA just

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Bedtime for Bonzo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous My little brother has returned (...) m 53 KB JPG 09/02/22(Fri)01:16:02 No.70053482 >parents had me when my dad was 26 and my mom was 22 >I turned out fine, went to college, and got a job, even if I'm a bit spergy >my parents had another baby five years ago, when they were 43 and 40 respectively, since I'd just graduated high school >no surprise due to their age, little bro turns out to be a sperg, like CWC level >for the entire year he's been doing nothing but watching chimpanzee videos >we had a hard time getting him to speak before, but now it's even worse >he literally just hoops and hollers like a f------ monkey >throws s--- like a monkey, shows his teeth like one too when he's angry >it's uncanny how well he has the mannerisms down, like he's f------ Terry Notary >made the mistake of watching Nope the other day, without knowing my little brother was in the room >a short while after the movie ends, he just f------ ransacks the house and tries beating us up, since he saw the monkey trouble scene in the film My parents are calling some social workers to see what can be done. He's not dangerous because he's five, but he's a f------ nightmare otherwise.
: Anonymous My little brother has returned (...) m 53 KB JPG 09/02/22(Fri)01:16:02 No.70053482 >parents had me when my dad was 26 and my mom was 22 >I turned out fine, went to college, and got a job, even if I'm a bit spergy >my parents had another baby five years ago, when they were 43 and 40 respectively, since I'd just graduated high school >no surprise due to their age, little bro turns out to be a sperg, like CWC level >for the entire year he's been doing nothing but watching chimpanzee videos >we had a hard time getting him to speak before, but now it's even worse >he literally just hoops and hollers like a f------ monkey >throws s--- like a monkey, shows his teeth like one too when he's angry >it's uncanny how well he has the mannerisms down, like he's f------ Terry Notary >made the mistake of watching Nope the other day, without knowing my little brother was in the room >a short while after the movie ends, he just f------ ransacks the house and tries beating us up, since he saw the monkey trouble scene in the film My parents are calling some social workers to see what can be done. He's not dangerous because he's five, but he's a f------ nightmare otherwise.

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anon bullies the bullies | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/02/22 (Fri)11:38:54 No.70054497 >be me, bullied >get tired of the same old insults everyday >start firing back whatever they said to me >they get more aggressive >start hitting me >I start hitting them too >it escalates even further >start looking up their fb profiles >find out about problems in their families >start making insults based on what I learned >the bullying slowly stops >the rest of the school hate me and think im insensitive >try and find out stuff about them too >everybody tries to pretend I dont exist >school is suddenly amazing
Anonymous 09/02/22 (Fri)11:38:54 No.70054497 >be me, bullied >get tired of the same old insults everyday >start firing back whatever they said to me >they get more aggressive >start hitting me >I start hitting them too >it escalates even further >start looking up their fb profiles >find out about problems in their families >start making insults based on what I learned >the bullying slowly stops >the rest of the school hate me and think im insensitive >try and find out stuff about them too >everybody tries to pretend I dont exist >school is suddenly amazing

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Anon is a growing boy | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 64 KB JPG 3 Replies 11/19/21(Fri)22:00:51 No.867026303 I can eat fifty eggs : Anonymous >>867026303 (OP) # I can eat 30 eggs in 1 bite 11/19/21 (Fri)22:02:15 No.867026367 : Anonymous >>867026303 (OP) # That's a lot of brotein View Thread 11/19/21(Fri)22:02:42 No.867026392 Anonymous >>867026303 (OP) # You must be as large as a barge 11/19/21(Fri)22:05:58 No.867026579
Anonymous 64 KB JPG 3 Replies 11/19/21(Fri)22:00:51 No.867026303 I can eat fifty eggs : Anonymous >>867026303 (OP) # I can eat 30 eggs in 1 bite 11/19/21 (Fri)22:02:15 No.867026367 : Anonymous >>867026303 (OP) # That's a lot of brotein View Thread 11/19/21(Fri)22:02:42 No.867026392 Anonymous >>867026303 (OP) # You must be as large as a barge 11/19/21(Fri)22:05:58 No.867026579

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Anon solves racism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/02/22(Fri)08:12:24 No.173522644 HBO house of dragon.jpg 34 KB JPG This is f------ ridiculous : Anonymous >>173522644 (OP) # >black people: *exists* >white people: OMG IM LOSING MY MIND touch grass 09/02/22(Fri)08:13:03 No.173522669 >>173522715 # >>173522821 # >>173522830 # >>173522847 # >>173522876 # >>173523000 # >>173523052 # >>173523075 # >>173523139 # >>173523159 # >>173523168 # >>173523237 # >>173523419 # >>173523767 # >>173523822 # >>173524217 # >>173524538 # >>173525298 #
: Anonymous 09/02/22(Fri)08:12:24 No.173522644 HBO house of dragon.jpg 34 KB JPG This is f------ ridiculous : Anonymous >>173522644 (OP) # >black people: *exists* >white people: OMG IM LOSING MY MIND touch grass 09/02/22(Fri)08:13:03 No.173522669 >>173522715 # >>173522821 # >>173522830 # >>173522847 # >>173522876 # >>173523000 # >>173523052 # >>173523075 # >>173523139 # >>173523159 # >>173523168 # >>173523237 # >>173523419 # >>173523767 # >>173523822 # >>173524217 # >>173524538 # >>173525298 #

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anon is a witness | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/14/21(Tue)16:25:25 No.570870192 Megalon3.png 85 KB PNG >go to a club in vrchat >a huge t---- dragon girl and a cat girl are groping each other and kissing >a f------ dude runs over as this guy >screams 'I AM MEGALON' >crashes the map
Anonymous 09/14/21(Tue)16:25:25 No.570870192 Megalon3.png 85 KB PNG >go to a club in vrchat >a huge t---- dragon girl and a cat girl are groping each other and kissing >a f------ dude runs over as this guy >screams 'I AM MEGALON' >crashes the map

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Anon's parents keep arguing | /r/Greentext

File: 8.jpg (31 KB, 600x500) Anonymous 09/02/22(Fri) 14:13:26 No.170275217 ► >>170275235 I >Mom and dad are arguing again >they'll probably break up >i'll have to pick sides and go live with one of them and i don't want to >> Anonymous 09/02/22 (Fri)14:13:57 No.170275235>>170275258 >>170275217 (OP) How old are you? >> Anonymous 09/02/22 (Fri)14:14:33 No.170275258► >>170275293 >>170275313 >>170275350 >>170275370 >>170275235 32
File: 8.jpg (31 KB, 600x500) Anonymous 09/02/22(Fri) 14:13:26 No.170275217 ► >>170275235 I >Mom and dad are arguing again >they'll probably break up >i'll have to pick sides and go live with one of them and i don't want to >> Anonymous 09/02/22 (Fri)14:13:57 No.170275235>>170275258 >>170275217 (OP) How old are you? >> Anonymous 09/02/22 (Fri)14:14:33 No.170275258► >>170275293 >>170275313 >>170275350 >>170275370 >>170275235 32

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Guess i will die alone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 17 KB JPG 01/15/22(Sat)12:06:35 No.66997457 >be me >be defeated by life so try tinder >match with some thot >she actually likes me and we have a nice chat >be talking a lot and be confident >move the conversation to insta >decide to go for it and ask her out and she surprisingly accepts >coom.wav >tell her we can go for a cup of coffee and suggest one I know >she suggests another one near her home >whatever.mp3 >check where the coffee house is >decide to make an edgy joke >tell her that the place is perfect cause there's an alley close by where I could take her and no one will ever hear her scream >she goes a------ >"exposes" me on her insta story and then blocks me guess ill just die alone then 12 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 17 KB JPG 01/15/22(Sat)12:06:35 No.66997457 >be me >be defeated by life so try tinder >match with some thot >she actually likes me and we have a nice chat >be talking a lot and be confident >move the conversation to insta >decide to go for it and ask her out and she surprisingly accepts >coom.wav >tell her we can go for a cup of coffee and suggest one I know >she suggests another one near her home >whatever.mp3 >check where the coffee house is >decide to make an edgy joke >tell her that the place is perfect cause there's an alley close by where I could take her and no one will ever hear her scream >she goes a------ >"exposes" me on her insta story and then blocks me guess ill just die alone then 12 Replies View Thread

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Fear the samurai | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: bb73RTWr RENTIES RISE UP 08/12/21(Thu)17:33:22 No.39675057 US renter accused of cutting off landlord's head with samurai sword after dispute 31/07/2020 Matt Burrows 8945865A-3622-4D8F-A384-73712E03F71A.jpg 382 KB JPG >HEY RENTIE, YER FIVE MINUTES LATE ON THE RENT, IM KEEPING YOUR DEPOSIT >"keep it...I'll just keep...YOUR SOUL" *unzips katana* >*SHWING SHWING SHWING* *landie explodes into a million pieces* >"heh...nothing personnel...landcuck. while you studied real estate, I studied the blade."
: Anonymous (ID: bb73RTWr RENTIES RISE UP 08/12/21(Thu)17:33:22 No.39675057 US renter accused of cutting off landlord's head with samurai sword after dispute 31/07/2020 Matt Burrows 8945865A-3622-4D8F-A384-73712E03F71A.jpg 382 KB JPG >HEY RENTIE, YER FIVE MINUTES LATE ON THE RENT, IM KEEPING YOUR DEPOSIT >"keep it...I'll just keep...YOUR SOUL" *unzips katana* >*SHWING SHWING SHWING* *landie explodes into a million pieces* >"heh...nothing personnel...landcuck. while you studied real estate, I studied the blade."

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anon needs to be hosed down | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 6xZOA/Vb 202 KB JPG 02/10/22(Thu)14:35:13 No.360556791 I havent showered in 10 months results: >zero blemishes, blackheads, pimples >bald spot on my scalp actually - regrowing- in >mosquitos and bugs dont bite me anymore first month was rough and smelled like a carcass and itched. after that, i felt like a beast of nature in equilibrium hence. skin just flakes off naturally, i think the thicker dermis contributes to bug invulnerabilty. humans are mostly hairless animals, not scrubbing the skin daily seems to allow it to work how its intended to. people say i just smell like nothing now, probably good for bears not picking up scent and whatnot. feels based. thats all i have to report for now. Is soap tax a must?
Anonymous (ID: 6xZOA/Vb 202 KB JPG 02/10/22(Thu)14:35:13 No.360556791 I havent showered in 10 months results: >zero blemishes, blackheads, pimples >bald spot on my scalp actually - regrowing- in >mosquitos and bugs dont bite me anymore first month was rough and smelled like a carcass and itched. after that, i felt like a beast of nature in equilibrium hence. skin just flakes off naturally, i think the thicker dermis contributes to bug invulnerabilty. humans are mostly hairless animals, not scrubbing the skin daily seems to allow it to work how its intended to. people say i just smell like nothing now, probably good for bears not picking up scent and whatnot. feels based. thats all i have to report for now. Is soap tax a must?

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Anon has a PHD | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/02/22 (Fri)16:41:28 No.27227627 >phd student, 29 years old >know two junior undergrads in my program >one was in a club with me so I know her better, she gives me "ask me out" vibes when I'm around her but I'm lukewarm about her because I'm pretty sure we're politically complete opposites and she unironically used the term "incel" as an insult with regards to a famous author who had multiple marriages >second girl I met this summer, albeit briefly, but we had a lot of common taste in anime so we got off on a good start. She's also prettier but I have no idea of her relationship statu >they're both girls in a male-dominated major so they seem kinda close Seems like a situation where if I ask one out I'll have little to no chances with the other. What do you think I should do?
Anonymous 09/02/22 (Fri)16:41:28 No.27227627 >phd student, 29 years old >know two junior undergrads in my program >one was in a club with me so I know her better, she gives me "ask me out" vibes when I'm around her but I'm lukewarm about her because I'm pretty sure we're politically complete opposites and she unironically used the term "incel" as an insult with regards to a famous author who had multiple marriages >second girl I met this summer, albeit briefly, but we had a lot of common taste in anime so we got off on a good start. She's also prettier but I have no idea of her relationship statu >they're both girls in a male-dominated major so they seem kinda close Seems like a situation where if I ask one out I'll have little to no chances with the other. What do you think I should do?

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anon should clean his anus | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous m 53 KB PNG >video gets spread around 09/02/22(Fri)09:57:45 No.884931472 >like attention so do more stupid s--- >beginning of school year >get stopped at front gates by a teacher >told to empty my bag and pockets >do as instructed >be me >in hs >decide to do a little trolling >make pipebomb >blow up pipebomb while recording everything >send video to friends >imsocool.png >goes fine but late to class >normal day 2 Replies >same thing next day >get searched >ask why >find out im the most unstable and dangerous person in the school >mfw im a terrorist : Anonymous poopy anus View Thread 09/02/22(Fri)10:00:29 No.884931538
: Anonymous m 53 KB PNG >video gets spread around 09/02/22(Fri)09:57:45 No.884931472 >like attention so do more stupid s--- >beginning of school year >get stopped at front gates by a teacher >told to empty my bag and pockets >do as instructed >be me >in hs >decide to do a little trolling >make pipebomb >blow up pipebomb while recording everything >send video to friends >imsocool.png >goes fine but late to class >normal day 2 Replies >same thing next day >get searched >ask why >find out im the most unstable and dangerous person in the school >mfw im a terrorist : Anonymous poopy anus View Thread 09/02/22(Fri)10:00:29 No.884931538

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Anon learns something | /r/Greentext

YEAR 2021 VIEW Ukraine Most Searched for Terms of 2021 sex +13 русское домашнее (russian homemade) Ukroretard pov: 09/02/22(Fri)08:52:22 No.16058725 P--- hub B5A0EF40-B5A2-4403-BA01-E938DCEC1E0D.jpg 186 KB JPG >Go to the Pornhub >Search for "sex" >Search for "Russian p---"
YEAR 2021 VIEW Ukraine Most Searched for Terms of 2021 sex +13 русское домашнее (russian homemade) Ukroretard pov: 09/02/22(Fri)08:52:22 No.16058725 P--- hub B5A0EF40-B5A2-4403-BA01-E938DCEC1E0D.jpg 186 KB JPG >Go to the Pornhub >Search for "sex" >Search for "Russian p---"

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Do we even know who is this “4chan” person? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Dumb School Stories Thread We out here doin bad s--- n---- 103 KB JPG I'll start. 09/01/22(Thu)20:23:20 No.70050259 Our school had these digital whiteboards running Windows 7 on them. Had a little dumb thing that happened which I'll explain in a cringe greentext. >be me, absolute socially inept retard >13 at the time >No friends, no connections. >Breaktime >Wasn't allowed to stay inside the classroom during breaks, but me, and 5 other kids didn't give a s--- and snuck back inside cuz it was winter and we didn't want to freeze outside >While chilling in the classroom alone in a corner, I got the idea to fix up these stupid whiteboards because the internet connection was always slow and because I had quite a good knowledge about computers in general >Go to the front of the class room while the normies were watching me >Grab the wireless keyboard of the whiteboard and open up the command prompt >The normies were staring at me and one of them shouted "what the hell are you doing???" at me >Ignored them and proceeded to type in ipconfig/flushdns into the prompt >The same guy that shouted at me then said "woaaaahhh we have a hacker in our class" >Decided to f--- around a bit and typed in color 02 quickly followed after Systeminfo, which floods a wall of text about processor informations at the screen >The guy's eyes were wide open while the others stared in awe >After the break they sat down next to me and asked me what the f--- I was doing >I just told them I fixed up the connection but they didn't believe me and constantly said that I "hacked the school's system" >This was on the last day before the holidays kicked in, and I switched the school during that time and never saw them again I still cringe to this every now and then.
Anonymous Dumb School Stories Thread We out here doin bad s--- n---- 103 KB JPG I'll start. 09/01/22(Thu)20:23:20 No.70050259 Our school had these digital whiteboards running Windows 7 on them. Had a little dumb thing that happened which I'll explain in a cringe greentext. >be me, absolute socially inept retard >13 at the time >No friends, no connections. >Breaktime >Wasn't allowed to stay inside the classroom during breaks, but me, and 5 other kids didn't give a s--- and snuck back inside cuz it was winter and we didn't want to freeze outside >While chilling in the classroom alone in a corner, I got the idea to fix up these stupid whiteboards because the internet connection was always slow and because I had quite a good knowledge about computers in general >Go to the front of the class room while the normies were watching me >Grab the wireless keyboard of the whiteboard and open up the command prompt >The normies were staring at me and one of them shouted "what the hell are you doing???" at me >Ignored them and proceeded to type in ipconfig/flushdns into the prompt >The same guy that shouted at me then said "woaaaahhh we have a hacker in our class" >Decided to f--- around a bit and typed in color 02 quickly followed after Systeminfo, which floods a wall of text about processor informations at the screen >The guy's eyes were wide open while the others stared in awe >After the break they sat down next to me and asked me what the f--- I was doing >I just told them I fixed up the connection but they didn't believe me and constantly said that I "hacked the school's system" >This was on the last day before the holidays kicked in, and I switched the school during that time and never saw them again I still cringe to this every now and then.

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Anon itches | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 28 KB JPG : Anonymous 09/02/22 (Fri)07:19:50 No.70052410 >have itch on the bottom of my foot >try to scratch it 13 Replies / 2 Images 598 KB PNG >can't, because I'm incredibly ticklish It's frustrating sometimes View Thread 09/02/22 (Fri)08:20:50 No.70052802 >>70052410 (OP) # >have itch on bottom of foot >it's under the thick calloused skin of the sole >can't scratch hard enough to reach it
: Anonymous 28 KB JPG : Anonymous 09/02/22 (Fri)07:19:50 No.70052410 >have itch on the bottom of my foot >try to scratch it 13 Replies / 2 Images 598 KB PNG >can't, because I'm incredibly ticklish It's frustrating sometimes View Thread 09/02/22 (Fri)08:20:50 No.70052802 >>70052410 (OP) # >have itch on bottom of foot >it's under the thick calloused skin of the sole >can't scratch hard enough to reach it

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Anon pioneers the resistance | /r/Greentext

File: StupidFuckingRobot.jpg (335 KB, 1080x1090) I F------ Hate Robots Anonymous 12/16/21(Thu)10:57:01 No.84792429 ► >2047 >Sitting in my couch watching Terminator in 32K >Robomaid walks in >"Anon, I wish you wouldn't watch such bigoted media." >I respond: "If I wanted your lip, I would have wiggled my zipper, f--- off toaster" God I hate robots
File: StupidFuckingRobot.jpg (335 KB, 1080x1090) I F------ Hate Robots Anonymous 12/16/21(Thu)10:57:01 No.84792429 ► >2047 >Sitting in my couch watching Terminator in 32K >Robomaid walks in >"Anon, I wish you wouldn't watch such bigoted media." >I respond: "If I wanted your lip, I would have wiggled my zipper, f--- off toaster" God I hate robots

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anon actually finds happiness | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 22 KB JPG >be me >just got out of psych ward for suicide attempt >life isnt going too well >suddenly the girl of my dreams comes up and says she missed me sm and starts crying >we talk every day and become friends >a few months later she lets out her emotions for me and i let out mine >im currently happy and with the girl ive always wanted >tfw your whole life turned around 1 Reply View Thread
Anonymous 22 KB JPG >be me >just got out of psych ward for suicide attempt >life isnt going too well >suddenly the girl of my dreams comes up and says she missed me sm and starts crying >we talk every day and become friends >a few months later she lets out her emotions for me and i let out mine >im currently happy and with the girl ive always wanted >tfw your whole life turned around 1 Reply View Thread

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