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: Anonymous 17 KB JPG 01/15/22(Sat)12:06:35 No.66997457 >be me >be defeated by life so try tinder >match with some thot >she actually likes me and we have a nice chat >be talking a lot and be confident >move the conversation to insta >decide to go for it and ask her out and she surprisingly accepts >coom.wav >tell her we can go for a cup of coffee and suggest one I know >she suggests another one near her home >whatever.mp3 >check where the coffee house is >decide to make an edgy joke >tell her that the place is perfect cause there's an alley close by where I could take her and no one will ever hear her scream >she goes a------ >"exposes" me on her insta story and then blocks me guess ill just die alone then 12 Replies View Thread

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reddit greentext greentext memes 4chan 4chan memes /r/greentext reptile

Origin Entry: Greentext Stories

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Anonymous 152 KB PNG 04/26/25(Sat)18:05:01 No.80995962 >Be me, unemployed >Looking for a new job >Find an opening at the local zoo >Get to interview >They tell me my job is to dress up as a chimp and pretend to be a chimp in the chimp enclosure, as they don't have any chimps at the moment. >"No thanks, I don't want to do suck humiliating work" >They offer me $400 a day >"Ok I'll take the job" >But there is a catch, the moment I break character, I get fired. >Seems simple enough >Swing around on the bars >Eat banana >Throw s--- at the glass >FFW to swinging >Swing way too f------ hard >So hard that the bar snaps and I fly over the wall into the Lion enclosure >OhShit.jpeg >Literally s------- my chimp suit >Start screaming for help >Running around >Life flashed before my eyes as the lion backs me into the corner >He says "Shut the f--- up or we'll both get fired"

HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack

Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #

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Fear the samurai | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: bb73RTWr RENTIES RISE UP 08/12/21(Thu)17:33:22 No.39675057 US renter accused of cutting off landlord's head with samurai sword after dispute 31/07/2020 Matt Burrows 8945865A-3622-4D8F-A384-73712E03F71A.jpg 382 KB JPG >HEY RENTIE, YER FIVE MINUTES LATE ON THE RENT, IM KEEPING YOUR DEPOSIT >"keep it...I'll just keep...YOUR SOUL" *unzips katana* >*SHWING SHWING SHWING* *landie explodes into a million pieces* >"heh...nothing personnel...landcuck. while you studied real estate, I studied the blade."

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anon needs to be hosed down | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 6xZOA/Vb 202 KB JPG 02/10/22(Thu)14:35:13 No.360556791 I havent showered in 10 months results: >zero blemishes, blackheads, pimples >bald spot on my scalp actually - regrowing- in >mosquitos and bugs dont bite me anymore first month was rough and smelled like a carcass and itched. after that, i felt like a beast of nature in equilibrium hence. skin just flakes off naturally, i think the thicker dermis contributes to bug invulnerabilty. humans are mostly hairless animals, not scrubbing the skin daily seems to allow it to work how its intended to. people say i just smell like nothing now, probably good for bears not picking up scent and whatnot. feels based. thats all i have to report for now. Is soap tax a must?

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Anon has a PHD | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/02/22 (Fri)16:41:28 No.27227627 >phd student, 29 years old >know two junior undergrads in my program >one was in a club with me so I know her better, she gives me "ask me out" vibes when I'm around her but I'm lukewarm about her because I'm pretty sure we're politically complete opposites and she unironically used the term "incel" as an insult with regards to a famous author who had multiple marriages >second girl I met this summer, albeit briefly, but we had a lot of common taste in anime so we got off on a good start. She's also prettier but I have no idea of her relationship statu >they're both girls in a male-dominated major so they seem kinda close Seems like a situation where if I ask one out I'll have little to no chances with the other. What do you think I should do?

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anon should clean his anus | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous m 53 KB PNG >video gets spread around 09/02/22(Fri)09:57:45 No.884931472 >like attention so do more stupid s--- >beginning of school year >get stopped at front gates by a teacher >told to empty my bag and pockets >do as instructed >be me >in hs >decide to do a little trolling >make pipebomb >blow up pipebomb while recording everything >send video to friends >imsocool.png >goes fine but late to class >normal day 2 Replies >same thing next day >get searched >ask why >find out im the most unstable and dangerous person in the school >mfw im a terrorist : Anonymous poopy anus View Thread 09/02/22(Fri)10:00:29 No.884931538

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Anon learns something | /r/Greentext

YEAR 2021 VIEW Ukraine Most Searched for Terms of 2021 sex +13 русское домашнее (russian homemade) Ukroretard pov: 09/02/22(Fri)08:52:22 No.16058725 P--- hub B5A0EF40-B5A2-4403-BA01-E938DCEC1E0D.jpg 186 KB JPG >Go to the Pornhub >Search for "sex" >Search for "Russian p---"

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Do we even know who is this “4chan” person? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Dumb School Stories Thread We out here doin bad s--- n---- 103 KB JPG I'll start. 09/01/22(Thu)20:23:20 No.70050259 Our school had these digital whiteboards running Windows 7 on them. Had a little dumb thing that happened which I'll explain in a cringe greentext. >be me, absolute socially inept retard >13 at the time >No friends, no connections. >Breaktime >Wasn't allowed to stay inside the classroom during breaks, but me, and 5 other kids didn't give a s--- and snuck back inside cuz it was winter and we didn't want to freeze outside >While chilling in the classroom alone in a corner, I got the idea to fix up these stupid whiteboards because the internet connection was always slow and because I had quite a good knowledge about computers in general >Go to the front of the class room while the normies were watching me >Grab the wireless keyboard of the whiteboard and open up the command prompt >The normies were staring at me and one of them shouted "what the hell are you doing???" at me >Ignored them and proceeded to type in ipconfig/flushdns into the prompt >The same guy that shouted at me then said "woaaaahhh we have a hacker in our class" >Decided to f--- around a bit and typed in color 02 quickly followed after Systeminfo, which floods a wall of text about processor informations at the screen >The guy's eyes were wide open while the others stared in awe >After the break they sat down next to me and asked me what the f--- I was doing >I just told them I fixed up the connection but they didn't believe me and constantly said that I "hacked the school's system" >This was on the last day before the holidays kicked in, and I switched the school during that time and never saw them again I still cringe to this every now and then.

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Anon itches | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 28 KB JPG : Anonymous 09/02/22 (Fri)07:19:50 No.70052410 >have itch on the bottom of my foot >try to scratch it 13 Replies / 2 Images 598 KB PNG >can't, because I'm incredibly ticklish It's frustrating sometimes View Thread 09/02/22 (Fri)08:20:50 No.70052802 >>70052410 (OP) # >have itch on bottom of foot >it's under the thick calloused skin of the sole >can't scratch hard enough to reach it

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Anon pioneers the resistance | /r/Greentext

File: StupidFuckingRobot.jpg (335 KB, 1080x1090) I F------ Hate Robots Anonymous 12/16/21(Thu)10:57:01 No.84792429 ► >2047 >Sitting in my couch watching Terminator in 32K >Robomaid walks in >"Anon, I wish you wouldn't watch such bigoted media." >I respond: "If I wanted your lip, I would have wiggled my zipper, f--- off toaster" God I hate robots

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anon actually finds happiness | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 22 KB JPG >be me >just got out of psych ward for suicide attempt >life isnt going too well >suddenly the girl of my dreams comes up and says she missed me sm and starts crying >we talk every day and become friends >a few months later she lets out her emotions for me and i let out mine >im currently happy and with the girl ive always wanted >tfw your whole life turned around 1 Reply View Thread

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Anon's girlfriend got a roommate (omg they were roommates) | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Girlfriend just got a new male(...) 80 KB JPG 09/01/22(Thu)15:58:25 No.70047410 >girlfriend gets a new roommate >it's a guy who works customer service at a theater >tells me he gave her a ticket to a theater show and she asked him for another so she go to a show with me but he refused to >message her the next day at 8:30pm because strangely she hadn't messaged me all day even though it's her day off >she's responds and she's at the show >ask if she went alone >she went with the new roommate >stays in contact with me and lets me know she went to restaurant with him after the show >tell her she basically just went on a date with her new roommate >"Oh no, anon, it's not a date. It's more of an ice breaker." >he moves in today How long do I have before I get the "I think we should just be friends from now on" talk, bros? Two months? 09/01/22(Thu)15:59:40 No.70047426 Anonymous >>70047410 (OP). It's over leave her before she can cuck you Anonymous 09/01/22(Thu)16:00:10 No.70047437 Show up to her door and roundhouse kick him in the

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Anon has a healthy relationship | /r/Greentext

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anon was backstabbed | /r/Greentext

middle school Anonymous 09/01/22(Thu)13:43:03 No.884894647 >>884895148 >be me a couple of years back >known as "the weird kid" in middle school >a bunch of older kids start hanging out with me >start actually feeling good about myself >kid tells me they were making fun of me for being autistic behind my back why are people like this

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Greentext Stories - Guess i will die alone | /r/Greentext

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: Anonymous 17 KB JPG 01/15/22(Sat)12:06:35 No.66997457 >be me >be defeated by life so try tinder >match with some thot >she actually likes me and we have a nice chat >be talking a lot and be confident >move the conversation to insta >decide to go for it and ask her out and she surprisingly accepts >coom.wav >tell her we can go for a cup of coffee and suggest one I know >she suggests another one near her home >whatever.mp3 >check where the coffee house is >decide to make an edgy joke >tell her that the place is perfect cause there's an alley close by where I could take her and no one will ever hear her scream >she goes a------ >"exposes" me on her insta story and then blocks me guess ill just die alone then 12 Replies View Thread

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