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Anon complains about devices that are meant to save lives | /r/Greentext


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Anon is addicted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/19/21(Tue)04:27:56 No.65818129 >There's people in this world that can get off to like bikini pics and don't have to watch Japanese business women kick a guy in the nuts to get off 16 KB JPG
: Anonymous 10/19/21(Tue)04:27:56 No.65818129 >There's people in this world that can get off to like bikini pics and don't have to watch Japanese business women kick a guy in the nuts to get off 16 KB JPG

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Anon made poached eggs | /r/Greentext

DC4056BC-2FCF-4FA7-8213-52B229C078C6.jpg 1.47 MB JPG Why did my poached eggs come out so nasty looking shape wise? (Disregarding color, I had no vinegar so I added a splash of dark malt vinegar) : Anonymous 01/13/22(Thu)16:35:39 No.17269007 >>17268958 (OP) # what the f--- did you poach them in? a mud puddle? >>17269036 # : Anonymous 01/13/22(Thu)16:43:56 No.17269036 >>17269007 # I use water that I previously used to wash the dishes to save water, it's boiled so it's sterile. I'm not consoooooming more water just because (((they))) want it. I'm a minimalist, I'm frugal, let me guess you need 'fresh' water because (((they))) brainwashed you into it. Lmao
DC4056BC-2FCF-4FA7-8213-52B229C078C6.jpg 1.47 MB JPG Why did my poached eggs come out so nasty looking shape wise? (Disregarding color, I had no vinegar so I added a splash of dark malt vinegar) : Anonymous 01/13/22(Thu)16:35:39 No.17269007 >>17268958 (OP) # what the f--- did you poach them in? a mud puddle? >>17269036 # : Anonymous 01/13/22(Thu)16:43:56 No.17269036 >>17269007 # I use water that I previously used to wash the dishes to save water, it's boiled so it's sterile. I'm not consoooooming more water just because (((they))) want it. I'm a minimalist, I'm frugal, let me guess you need 'fresh' water because (((they))) brainwashed you into it. Lmao

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Don't you hate when that happens | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)21:09:23 No.838004040 >be me >21 >super straight male >get horny one night and decide to go use the local glory hole >actually kinda enjoy it >half way through person on the otherside moans 153 KB PNG >it's a guy's moan >realize ive been sucking a man's c--- this entire time mfw
: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)21:09:23 No.838004040 >be me >21 >super straight male >get horny one night and decide to go use the local glory hole >actually kinda enjoy it >half way through person on the otherside moans 153 KB PNG >it's a guy's moan >realize ive been sucking a man's c--- this entire time mfw

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Anon does some baking. | /r/Greentext

>be me, but be me at age 8 >be helping my mom with some baking >she gets a call from my sister and has to go pick her up from gymnastics >sprainedankle.jpg 147 KB JPG >"anon I have to go get anonsis, I'm writing down the instructions for the cake, just follow them exactly ok?" >k >she leaves and everything goes pretty well until I see "add Splenda" on the list >we were out, but being the Kick ass detective I was I thought "Splenda = sweet.Sugar = sweet. l'll use sugar!" >add a f--- ton of sugar >later that day we have family over for dinner >they love the cake >fuuuuuuuckyes >especially my fatass aunt, she ate like 3/4 of the f------ thing >whatever >ffw 2 days later >aunt had half her leg amputated >turns out she was diabetic >they figured it was something she ate at that dinner, my mom says "The only sweets was the cake and we made it with Splenda , isn't that right anon?" >mfw
>be me, but be me at age 8 >be helping my mom with some baking >she gets a call from my sister and has to go pick her up from gymnastics >sprainedankle.jpg 147 KB JPG >"anon I have to go get anonsis, I'm writing down the instructions for the cake, just follow them exactly ok?" >k >she leaves and everything goes pretty well until I see "add Splenda" on the list >we were out, but being the Kick ass detective I was I thought "Splenda = sweet.Sugar = sweet. l'll use sugar!" >add a f--- ton of sugar >later that day we have family over for dinner >they love the cake >fuuuuuuuckyes >especially my fatass aunt, she ate like 3/4 of the f------ thing >whatever >ffw 2 days later >aunt had half her leg amputated >turns out she was diabetic >they figured it was something she ate at that dinner, my mom says "The only sweets was the cake and we made it with Splenda , isn't that right anon?" >mfw

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anon can finally sleep | /r/Greentext

Story time robots >be me >27 year old nerd-virgin >Finally move out of my parent's house and into an apartment complex a month ago >live next to roastie This isrt even my final form. 148 KB PNG >Trying to go to sleep first night living here >Hear this bitch moaning and making loud sex sounds for a solid hour >Keeps me up past midnight >tired at work next morning >this happens EVERY F------ night >l try banging on the wall >F------ don't hear it or just ignore it >After a week, I go over and voice my dissatisfaction >Chad and bitch come out and say that they have the right to do what they want in their apartment >tell me to get f----- >That night, they're louder, more obnoxious, and go for longer than before >itson.wav >go to guitar center and buy the biggest, loudest, speakers they have >record audio of them f------ a few nights (gotta ensure I get the very best they have to offer) >begin observing their habits >notice they have friends over every friday night for drinking and s--- >intend to execute my plan the next Friday >Come home on a Wednesday and as I'm walking by, I see her walking into her apartment with her parents >ohshit.webm >Run into my apartment faster than a n----- with a TV >plug speakers into laptop >Crank it up to max setting >ExecuteOrder66.gif >audio file begins playing >sounds of "uhhh, UHHHHH UHHHHHHHH CHAD YES!!! YES! F--- MY ASS!" can be heard throughout the building >feels like the windows might shatter from the sounds >when audio file ends, hear yelling from her apartment >hear sirens >Apparently, her father had a stroke from the embarrassment of hearing his daughter ask for Chad's hot c-- in her a------ >He recovers (kind of) >Never see Chad again >Roastie never has guys over again either >Last I heard, she was on antidepressants and doesn't go out anymore mfw I finally can get to sleep at a decent hour. mfw I ruin a roastie's life. mfw it was all well worth it
Story time robots >be me >27 year old nerd-virgin >Finally move out of my parent's house and into an apartment complex a month ago >live next to roastie This isrt even my final form. 148 KB PNG >Trying to go to sleep first night living here >Hear this bitch moaning and making loud sex sounds for a solid hour >Keeps me up past midnight >tired at work next morning >this happens EVERY F------ night >l try banging on the wall >F------ don't hear it or just ignore it >After a week, I go over and voice my dissatisfaction >Chad and bitch come out and say that they have the right to do what they want in their apartment >tell me to get f----- >That night, they're louder, more obnoxious, and go for longer than before >itson.wav >go to guitar center and buy the biggest, loudest, speakers they have >record audio of them f------ a few nights (gotta ensure I get the very best they have to offer) >begin observing their habits >notice they have friends over every friday night for drinking and s--- >intend to execute my plan the next Friday >Come home on a Wednesday and as I'm walking by, I see her walking into her apartment with her parents >ohshit.webm >Run into my apartment faster than a n----- with a TV >plug speakers into laptop >Crank it up to max setting >ExecuteOrder66.gif >audio file begins playing >sounds of "uhhh, UHHHHH UHHHHHHHH CHAD YES!!! YES! F--- MY ASS!" can be heard throughout the building >feels like the windows might shatter from the sounds >when audio file ends, hear yelling from her apartment >hear sirens >Apparently, her father had a stroke from the embarrassment of hearing his daughter ask for Chad's hot c-- in her a------ >He recovers (kind of) >Never see Chad again >Roastie never has guys over again either >Last I heard, she was on antidepressants and doesn't go out anymore mfw I finally can get to sleep at a decent hour. mfw I ruin a roastie's life. mfw it was all well worth it

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Five Night’s at Anons | /r/Greentext


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Anon had a great dad | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 38 minutes ago 773177468 1494977453409.jpg (42.6 KB, 396x388) 1 REPLY dad feels thread, first greentext, f--- off >be me, 23 yo white privledged cis male >return home from studying IT in USA >Moved into parents basement (only temp to save on rent) >work great new job, homeoffice, soon have enough to move basically anywhere >trying to reconnect with friends and f--- girls >having issues hitting on girls, realize l'm not the alpha I thought I was while in US >Spend more time trying to get to know parents / family >still can't be chad feelsbad.jpg >One day decide to take old senile aunt out for coffee >coffee place is across old property dad and her grew up in >sitting across from the place brings back some of her old memories >tells me about little sister her and dad had, i never knew about her >tells me dad would always play with sister for hours, let her pull his hair and kick/punch him because she's slowly turning into tard due to water in her head >still makes her laugh >aunt says everyone knew sister would die soon, so dad would let her annoy the s--- out of him with a smile on his face knowing she wouldn't be around much longer >tells me dad is the kindest person in the world, no one was able to make his dying sister feel normal besides him >tfw I imagine what it must have been like being 14, putting a smile on your face and playing with your slowly dying sister just so she'd feel human >tfw when I suddenly realize I have been following my dads footsteps by taking care of aunt, she talks to me a lot and we plan to go to Rome (she's got dementia and is mentally/physically disabled and is getting visible weaker) while most people just say she's an old/crazy lady >tfw she writes me love letters about what she did during the day and invites me to old people events Having some issues but I'm slowly learning to be proud of not being a chad and loving my family instead.
Anonymous 38 minutes ago 773177468 1494977453409.jpg (42.6 KB, 396x388) 1 REPLY dad feels thread, first greentext, f--- off >be me, 23 yo white privledged cis male >return home from studying IT in USA >Moved into parents basement (only temp to save on rent) >work great new job, homeoffice, soon have enough to move basically anywhere >trying to reconnect with friends and f--- girls >having issues hitting on girls, realize l'm not the alpha I thought I was while in US >Spend more time trying to get to know parents / family >still can't be chad feelsbad.jpg >One day decide to take old senile aunt out for coffee >coffee place is across old property dad and her grew up in >sitting across from the place brings back some of her old memories >tells me about little sister her and dad had, i never knew about her >tells me dad would always play with sister for hours, let her pull his hair and kick/punch him because she's slowly turning into tard due to water in her head >still makes her laugh >aunt says everyone knew sister would die soon, so dad would let her annoy the s--- out of him with a smile on his face knowing she wouldn't be around much longer >tells me dad is the kindest person in the world, no one was able to make his dying sister feel normal besides him >tfw I imagine what it must have been like being 14, putting a smile on your face and playing with your slowly dying sister just so she'd feel human >tfw when I suddenly realize I have been following my dads footsteps by taking care of aunt, she talks to me a lot and we plan to go to Rome (she's got dementia and is mentally/physically disabled and is getting visible weaker) while most people just say she's an old/crazy lady >tfw she writes me love letters about what she did during the day and invites me to old people events Having some issues but I'm slowly learning to be proud of not being a chad and loving my family instead.

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Anon likes bears | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/04/16(Sun)16:42:03 No.39596368 >is fat/looks fat >doesn't lift >only eats fish and berries >still faster and stronger than 100% of /fit/ 1.95 MB PNG What is his secret? : Anonymous 12/04/16(Sun)16:44:34 No.39596401 He's happy >>39598722 # >>39600157 # >>39601419 # >>39604092 # >>39604310 # >>39604367 # >>39604613 #
: Anonymous 12/04/16(Sun)16:42:03 No.39596368 >is fat/looks fat >doesn't lift >only eats fish and berries >still faster and stronger than 100% of /fit/ 1.95 MB PNG What is his secret? : Anonymous 12/04/16(Sun)16:44:34 No.39596401 He's happy >>39598722 # >>39600157 # >>39601419 # >>39604092 # >>39604310 # >>39604367 # >>39604613 #

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Anon's sister almost gets murdered | /r/Greentext

My sister almost died because she ventures out alone in Russia like a I'm breaking up with you f------ idiot. She told us this over Christmas when visiting my father in Prague. GRRRI What? angry bionicle 53 KB JPG >claims she went out to a bar/dance hall she has been to a few times previously >A guy approaches her and asks to buy her a drink >She said yeah and said they hit it off >He seemed to tremble a bit and she thought perhaps he had Parkinsons or some s--- >they kept talking and then she noticed he would just kind of laugh >she eventually gets weirded out >He asks her to come back to his place but she declined >he kept being pushy and I guess getting louder >Some security guy noticed and kicked him out >She walks home while talking on the phone with another friend. >two days later she turned on the TV to see a dude was just arrested >he had crashed his car and left it >a decapitated body was found in his car >he was a cannibal >it was the guy she was chatting with Thank God my sister is only slightly a hoe and not a complete w----.
My sister almost died because she ventures out alone in Russia like a I'm breaking up with you f------ idiot. She told us this over Christmas when visiting my father in Prague. GRRRI What? angry bionicle 53 KB JPG >claims she went out to a bar/dance hall she has been to a few times previously >A guy approaches her and asks to buy her a drink >She said yeah and said they hit it off >He seemed to tremble a bit and she thought perhaps he had Parkinsons or some s--- >they kept talking and then she noticed he would just kind of laugh >she eventually gets weirded out >He asks her to come back to his place but she declined >he kept being pushy and I guess getting louder >Some security guy noticed and kicked him out >She walks home while talking on the phone with another friend. >two days later she turned on the TV to see a dude was just arrested >he had crashed his car and left it >a decapitated body was found in his car >he was a cannibal >it was the guy she was chatting with Thank God my sister is only slightly a hoe and not a complete w----.

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Anon has a crush | /r/Greentext

>be 12 >get weird feelings for girl >cant describe it >tell her how i feel >she feels same way >we go to reccess >we hide in back of playground >she tells me to take my pants off >lol wut >ask her why >tells me to trust her >i comply and take pants off >standing naked >breeze feels good >she moves her head toward my junk >try not to pee >success >my first ever b------- >d--- like a toothpick but idgaf >recess is over >learn about dinosaurs >they're pretty cool >go home >tell mom about recess >she flips the f--- out >tells my dad >jve made a huge mistake >mom calls cops >cop comes to school >my teacher was arrested >i miss mrs johnson Memecenter.com
>be 12 >get weird feelings for girl >cant describe it >tell her how i feel >she feels same way >we go to reccess >we hide in back of playground >she tells me to take my pants off >lol wut >ask her why >tells me to trust her >i comply and take pants off >standing naked >breeze feels good >she moves her head toward my junk >try not to pee >success >my first ever b------- >d--- like a toothpick but idgaf >recess is over >learn about dinosaurs >they're pretty cool >go home >tell mom about recess >she flips the f--- out >tells my dad >jve made a huge mistake >mom calls cops >cop comes to school >my teacher was arrested >i miss mrs johnson Memecenter.com

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anon thirsty | /r/Greentext

water Anonymous >be me >thirsty >drink water >not thirsty >thank you water pic related
water Anonymous >be me >thirsty >drink water >not thirsty >thank you water pic related

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anon is not so smart | /r/Greentext


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Anon messes up | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/06/19(Sun)23:20:58 No.50283606 When has your autism made you do something really embarassing? >be me 8 years ago >15 yo >have issue where I mix up words in my head with ones I want to say >mom is away and brother is at a 150 KB PNG friends house so just me and dad >dad makes dinner and we eat >thinking to myself I'll beat off then take a shower >going to tel| him l'll s--- then shower >autism.exe I'm gonna go beat off in s--- dad >we stare at each other >dad nods and walks away
: Anonymous 01/06/19(Sun)23:20:58 No.50283606 When has your autism made you do something really embarassing? >be me 8 years ago >15 yo >have issue where I mix up words in my head with ones I want to say >mom is away and brother is at a 150 KB PNG friends house so just me and dad >dad makes dinner and we eat >thinking to myself I'll beat off then take a shower >going to tel| him l'll s--- then shower >autism.exe I'm gonna go beat off in s--- dad >we stare at each other >dad nods and walks away

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Anon got himself a wife | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/16/22(Sun)02:29:10 No.67007794 >be 20 y/o permavirgin >horny 24/7 >no attention from girls >get desperate thinking im gonna die a virgin >might aswell go full h--- >start to hit on this discord femboy 97 KB JPG >we actually get along >ffw 4 months >we now do erp where he is the bottom and im the top pretty much daily >actually gets me horny like crazy >ask him if he wants to come to my place >he says yes >shows up in one of those anime sundresses >rocksolid.png >we do a little chat and then ask him if he wants to do it >he says yes and starts to undress >seeing his petite body makes me go full a------ >pin him down and the rest is history >ffw 3 weeks >he moved in with me calls me darling, pretends to be my wife, cooks do the dishes etc. >mfw I actually got wife now
: Anonymous 01/16/22(Sun)02:29:10 No.67007794 >be 20 y/o permavirgin >horny 24/7 >no attention from girls >get desperate thinking im gonna die a virgin >might aswell go full h--- >start to hit on this discord femboy 97 KB JPG >we actually get along >ffw 4 months >we now do erp where he is the bottom and im the top pretty much daily >actually gets me horny like crazy >ask him if he wants to come to my place >he says yes >shows up in one of those anime sundresses >rocksolid.png >we do a little chat and then ask him if he wants to do it >he says yes and starts to undress >seeing his petite body makes me go full a------ >pin him down and the rest is history >ffw 3 weeks >he moved in with me calls me darling, pretends to be my wife, cooks do the dishes etc. >mfw I actually got wife now

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Anon loses his neethood | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 01/07/19(Mon)21:04:19 No.789381010 Well guys, this is it. >be me >high school graduate >parents are done with my lazy presence around the house 110 KB JPG >tell me to get a job, but are nice about it >l understand their concern about me growing up >19th birthday is later this month >I think long and hard one night >fuckit.jpg >go to bed early, wake up early >make myself presentable to the outside world >go to local safeway >ask assistant manager about any positions >she asks for my information to give me a call later >2 hours later I get a call >interviewconfirmed.exe >wake up supremely early next morning >walk to safeway for interview and sign papers >I'm going to work as a produce clerk next week
| Anonymous 01/07/19(Mon)21:04:19 No.789381010 Well guys, this is it. >be me >high school graduate >parents are done with my lazy presence around the house 110 KB JPG >tell me to get a job, but are nice about it >l understand their concern about me growing up >19th birthday is later this month >I think long and hard one night >fuckit.jpg >go to bed early, wake up early >make myself presentable to the outside world >go to local safeway >ask assistant manager about any positions >she asks for my information to give me a call later >2 hours later I get a call >interviewconfirmed.exe >wake up supremely early next morning >walk to safeway for interview and sign papers >I'm going to work as a produce clerk next week

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