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Anonymous (ID: POlt+ycV) 06/26/12 (Tue)21:45:28 No.408630889 >Be 15 Me and Sri Lanken friend go get really f------ high sWe decide to go back to his place >His parents are home so we go to his room >He starts vomiting on the floor >His parents rush in >The don't know how to speak english so they're yelling at me in tamil or some other brown language dudewtfisgoingon They point at the vomit and then point at a mop Using my stoner logic, I assume they're telling me that I have vomit on my leg and should clean it with the mop Begin rubbing my leg with mop >Parents yell even more >Assume they're telling me that I should just go in their shower Proceed to enter shower still have the mop begin to take a shower with my clothes on while rubbing my leg with a mop >I decide to just leave >Find out the next day that his parents do speak english and they were yelling in english the whole time I've never been to his place again
Anonymous (ID: POlt+ycV) 06/26/12 (Tue)21:45:28 No.408630889 >Be 15 Me and Sri Lanken friend go get really f------ high sWe decide to go back to his place >His parents are home so we go to his room >He starts vomiting on the floor >His parents rush in >The don't know how to speak english so they're yelling at me in tamil or some other brown language dudewtfisgoingon They point at the vomit and then point at a mop Using my stoner logic, I assume they're telling me that I have vomit on my leg and should clean it with the mop Begin rubbing my leg with mop >Parents yell even more >Assume they're telling me that I should just go in their shower Proceed to enter shower still have the mop begin to take a shower with my clothes on while rubbing my leg with a mop >I decide to just leave >Find out the next day that his parents do speak english and they were yelling in english the whole time I've never been to his place again

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translate vomit barf sri lanka

Typical /k/

>> O Anonymous 03/31/16(Thu)05:25:52 No. 29445825 2229448257 229449032 >send drones to kill /k/ >drone pilot sees fat naked man on a roof with nothing on but a steel helmet and gas mask She has a hunting rifle between his legs, and is rubbing his n------ >pilot steps back for a second to assess what he just witnessed >suddenly gets tackled >its a different naked fat man >he has a horse mask on >pulls some strange purple thing out from under his mask >its a dildo the size of a wine bottle >too shocked to do anything about the 300lbs of fat and acne laying ontop of him >by the time he realizes whats happening, theres a pair of cat ears on his head and a lot of pressure on his anus >meanwhile the drone is getting pelted with full rounds of .221r being volley fired out of shotguns war, war never changes.
>> O Anonymous 03/31/16(Thu)05:25:52 No. 29445825 2229448257 229449032 >send drones to kill /k/ >drone pilot sees fat naked man on a roof with nothing on but a steel helmet and gas mask She has a hunting rifle between his legs, and is rubbing his n------ >pilot steps back for a second to assess what he just witnessed >suddenly gets tackled >its a different naked fat man >he has a horse mask on >pulls some strange purple thing out from under his mask >its a dildo the size of a wine bottle >too shocked to do anything about the 300lbs of fat and acne laying ontop of him >by the time he realizes whats happening, theres a pair of cat ears on his head and a lot of pressure on his anus >meanwhile the drone is getting pelted with full rounds of .221r being volley fired out of shotguns war, war never changes.

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k guns modern warfare war never changes

Sky dive

Anonymous (ID sYou suddenly realize your parachute has a malfunction and it won't open you have a mobile phone Senough time to make one call Who you gonna call and what would you say? +23 posis and 4 imiage replies omitted Click here to view >> ■ Anonymous (ID:ameen ) 08/07/14(Thu)20:24:34 No.561 113647 File: 1395018070785 ipg (52 KB, 364x537) >whip out cell phone call gf 'wwwwwwww0000000oowwwwoowowwowowOWo gf calls me a a------ thinking im just repeatedly blowing into the microphone like i usually do
Anonymous (ID sYou suddenly realize your parachute has a malfunction and it won't open you have a mobile phone Senough time to make one call Who you gonna call and what would you say? +23 posis and 4 imiage replies omitted Click here to view >> ■ Anonymous (ID:ameen ) 08/07/14(Thu)20:24:34 No.561 113647 File: 1395018070785 ipg (52 KB, 364x537) >whip out cell phone call gf 'wwwwwwww0000000oowwwwoowowwowowOWo gf calls me a a------ thinking im just repeatedly blowing into the microphone like i usually do

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sky diving

Mad Max

File: Aus png (460 KB, 720x733) Cops Called, Eggs Thrown At Hundreds Of Pokémon Go Players In Sydney Luke Punkot 07/13/16(Wed)19.33.17 No.344919409 3449 19524 >>344919802 >>3449 19920 >Some background: Rhodes is a suburb with a ton of high-density apartments, all clustered around the waterfront and a big IKEA/shopping mall. >When Pokémon Go was released last week, a combination of the high population density and a number of Pokestops in the suburb's Peg Paterson Park meant that it was one of the best (and most popular) places in all of Sydney to catch some pocket monsters > Massive crowds, sometimes peaking at over 1000 people, have flocked to the park, often late at night, and after a few evenings of this noise and bustle the residents of the apartment buildings overlooking the action have had enough. >On Tuesday night, things came to a head. Reports that at some residents -reacting to the "complete chaos, and "massive levels of noise,-started throwing waterbombs and eggs at the crowd >One resident, dressed in a Mad Max costume, threatened to fight the entire crowd. When the crowd called his bluff, he produced a broom wrapped in barb wire and launched himself into the crowd using whirlwind" attacks as some witnesses stated > The Mad Max aficionado's attacks sent panics through the crowd and a stampede ensued until police arrived to end the confrontation. In the end 36 Pokemon Go players were treated for lacerations and an additional 7 for injuries during the stampede. Why is this allowed? We just want to catch some Pokemon. Leave us alone, we're not hurting anyone Anonymous 07/13/16(Wed)19:34 26 No 344919524 344919939 2234492 1190 File: 1447025790919 ipg (117 KB, 996x868) One resident, dressed in a Mad Max costume threatened to fight the entire crowd. When the crowd called his bluff, he produced a broom wrapped in barb wire and launched himself into the crowd using "whirlwind" attacks as some witnesses stated Au AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Anonymous 07/13/16(Wed)1939 14 № 34491 9987トー34492 1190 22344922661 File (1.02 MB, 1920x1080) >One resident, dressed in a Mad Max costume, threatened to fight the entire crowd. When the crowd called his bluff, he produced a broom wrapped in barb wire and launched himself into the crowd using whirlwind" attacks as some witnesses stated F------ Straya Anonymous 07/13/16(Wed) 19:44:47 No.344920479トー344921190 File: 1457221839917png (464 KB, 481x518) 344919409 (OP >he produced a broom wrapped in barb wire and launched himself into the crowd using "whirlwind attacks as some witnesses stated Anonymous 07/13/16(Wed)19:45:33 No. 344920541 146631508 1633 png (694 KB, 640x480) トー44921199 >One resident, dressed in a Mad Max costume, threatened to fight the entire crowd. When the crowd called his bluff, he produced a broom wrapped in barb wire and launched himself into the crowd using whirlwind attacks as some witnesses stated. BASED Where were you when pokefags got BTFO?
File: Aus png (460 KB, 720x733) Cops Called, Eggs Thrown At Hundreds Of Pokémon Go Players In Sydney Luke Punkot 07/13/16(Wed)19.33.17 No.344919409 3449 19524 >>344919802 >>3449 19920 >Some background: Rhodes is a suburb with a ton of high-density apartments, all clustered around the waterfront and a big IKEA/shopping mall. >When Pokémon Go was released last week, a combination of the high population density and a number of Pokestops in the suburb's Peg Paterson Park meant that it was one of the best (and most popular) places in all of Sydney to catch some pocket monsters > Massive crowds, sometimes peaking at over 1000 people, have flocked to the park, often late at night, and after a few evenings of this noise and bustle the residents of the apartment buildings overlooking the action have had enough. >On Tuesday night, things came to a head. Reports that at some residents -reacting to the "complete chaos, and "massive levels of noise,-started throwing waterbombs and eggs at the crowd >One resident, dressed in a Mad Max costume, threatened to fight the entire crowd. When the crowd called his bluff, he produced a broom wrapped in barb wire and launched himself into the crowd using whirlwind" attacks as some witnesses stated > The Mad Max aficionado's attacks sent panics through the crowd and a stampede ensued until police arrived to end the confrontation. In the end 36 Pokemon Go players were treated for lacerations and an additional 7 for injuries during the stampede. Why is this allowed? We just want to catch some Pokemon. Leave us alone, we're not hurting anyone Anonymous 07/13/16(Wed)19:34 26 No 344919524 344919939 2234492 1190 File: 1447025790919 ipg (117 KB, 996x868) One resident, dressed in a Mad Max costume threatened to fight the entire crowd. When the crowd called his bluff, he produced a broom wrapped in barb wire and launched himself into the crowd using "whirlwind" attacks as some witnesses stated Au AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Anonymous 07/13/16(Wed)1939 14 № 34491 9987トー34492 1190 22344922661 File (1.02 MB, 1920x1080) >One resident, dressed in a Mad Max costume, threatened to fight the entire crowd. When the crowd called his bluff, he produced a broom wrapped in barb wire and launched himself into the crowd using whirlwind" attacks as some witnesses stated F------ Straya Anonymous 07/13/16(Wed) 19:44:47 No.344920479トー344921190 File: 1457221839917png (464 KB, 481x518) 344919409 (OP >he produced a broom wrapped in barb wire and launched himself into the crowd using "whirlwind attacks as some witnesses stated Anonymous 07/13/16(Wed)19:45:33 No. 344920541 146631508 1633 png (694 KB, 640x480) トー44921199 >One resident, dressed in a Mad Max costume, threatened to fight the entire crowd. When the crowd called his bluff, he produced a broom wrapped in barb wire and launched himself into the crowd using whirlwind attacks as some witnesses stated. BASED Where were you when pokefags got BTFO?

Greentext Stories
mad max riot broom

Tables turnt

rcmp high river.jpg (40 KB, 650x434) google iqdb □ Anonymous 1 day ago No.29725707 >>29725751 >>2972 >>29728046 >>29728080 >>29728303 >>29728353 >>29728608 >>29733820 >>29733892 >>29733958 >>29734517 >>29734577 >POLICE OPEN UP! WE DONT NEED A WARRANT! How do you respond? Anonymous 1 day ago No.29728046 >>29729331 >>29730698 >>29730892 no girls jpg (40 KB, 480x443) google iqdb >>29725707 (OP) >Grab gun and gear >Sneak out back door >Get to the back of their line >Wait for them to bust the door in >Once they all enter close the door behind them >Knock on the door and tell them to come out with their hands up My how the tables have turned.
rcmp high river.jpg (40 KB, 650x434) google iqdb □ Anonymous 1 day ago No.29725707 >>29725751 >>2972 >>29728046 >>29728080 >>29728303 >>29728353 >>29728608 >>29733820 >>29733892 >>29733958 >>29734517 >>29734577 >POLICE OPEN UP! WE DONT NEED A WARRANT! How do you respond? Anonymous 1 day ago No.29728046 >>29729331 >>29730698 >>29730892 no girls jpg (40 KB, 480x443) google iqdb >>29725707 (OP) >Grab gun and gear >Sneak out back door >Get to the back of their line >Wait for them to bust the door in >Once they all enter close the door behind them >Knock on the door and tell them to come out with their hands up My how the tables have turned.

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police trick

Big Booooooo

■ Anonymous 8 minutes ago No. 239834823 >>239835109 2239835110 239835339 2239835680 1378258795078.jpg (106 KB, 640x360) google igdb sounds >be 11 years old getting homy but i don't even know how to fap realize I could find t------ on the computer wait till nobody was home get on that s--- type "big boobs into google safe search is on or something so there's nothing good realize parents and sister will see what i searched in the history type big boo Ppress enter do it again but add anothero >do it until it fills the entire bar >whenever you type something into google you just see a big long line of >big booo000000 >big booo0000000 big b >big booo000000000 no one must find my secret
■ Anonymous 8 minutes ago No. 239834823 >>239835109 2239835110 239835339 2239835680 1378258795078.jpg (106 KB, 640x360) google igdb sounds >be 11 years old getting homy but i don't even know how to fap realize I could find t------ on the computer wait till nobody was home get on that s--- type "big boobs into google safe search is on or something so there's nothing good realize parents and sister will see what i searched in the history type big boo Ppress enter do it again but add anothero >do it until it fills the entire bar >whenever you type something into google you just see a big long line of >big booo000000 >big booo0000000 big b >big booo000000000 no one must find my secret

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boobs tiddies big o

Good Trip

File: 1367265933378.jpg-(60 KB, 480x480, biohazard.jpg) G I :when shes starts bitchin, innawoods. anonymous 04/29/13(Mon)13:05:33 UTC-7 No.16054115 Replies: 160541662216054175 GF starts complaining about all the time and money and i spend on my guns, and on top of that started to say something jive s--- about a 100 mile road trip to see her folks. so....I RAN innawoods. This is the story of the sketchy operation >headed north to my favorite casual camp spot (not my innawoods hide away) >set up camp and was chillin cleanin my ak47 >Some straing individuals approached me inside my camp, but they had an abundance of beer soo....they seemed trustworthy >followed them to their camp > gorged my self on beer >20 Brewsters later... > dude starts pounding some chick > i yelled "get it before the government does >they did not approve of my comment. >die hard OBAMAO supporters > dude starts at me, while his friend and gf gran rope > I shouted "youll never take me alive you mooncricket assholes!" >began to sprint through the woods >.asshoes began throwing rocks > I drunkenly shout" My rocks fly faster!" and fired threes rounds > continued to run > lost them. >beer may have been laced with LSD >began hallucinating stripped out, stripped down to my naked glory and covered self in mud > paranoia set in >could not tell if campers were just campers, or SEAL team six in disguise >belly crawl through the woods >found a river. began belly crawling in the shallows down stream. Fuzzy memories >woke up 100 miles south east of my home under a railroad bridge in a nest made of sticks and leaves like a predatory bird, cuddling ak47 >mouth tasted like moss and mud >three days later finally made it home after hitch hiking >still dont know what happened to my truck or the seal team campers Anonymous 04/29/13(Mon)13:11:01 UTC-7 No. 1605416 P3 responsible gun owner
File: 1367265933378.jpg-(60 KB, 480x480, biohazard.jpg) G I :when shes starts bitchin, innawoods. anonymous 04/29/13(Mon)13:05:33 UTC-7 No.16054115 Replies: 160541662216054175 GF starts complaining about all the time and money and i spend on my guns, and on top of that started to say something jive s--- about a 100 mile road trip to see her folks. so....I RAN innawoods. This is the story of the sketchy operation >headed north to my favorite casual camp spot (not my innawoods hide away) >set up camp and was chillin cleanin my ak47 >Some straing individuals approached me inside my camp, but they had an abundance of beer soo....they seemed trustworthy >followed them to their camp > gorged my self on beer >20 Brewsters later... > dude starts pounding some chick > i yelled "get it before the government does >they did not approve of my comment. >die hard OBAMAO supporters > dude starts at me, while his friend and gf gran rope > I shouted "youll never take me alive you mooncricket assholes!" >began to sprint through the woods >.asshoes began throwing rocks > I drunkenly shout" My rocks fly faster!" and fired threes rounds > continued to run > lost them. >beer may have been laced with LSD >began hallucinating stripped out, stripped down to my naked glory and covered self in mud > paranoia set in >could not tell if campers were just campers, or SEAL team six in disguise >belly crawl through the woods >found a river. began belly crawling in the shallows down stream. Fuzzy memories >woke up 100 miles south east of my home under a railroad bridge in a nest made of sticks and leaves like a predatory bird, cuddling ak47 >mouth tasted like moss and mud >three days later finally made it home after hitch hiking >still dont know what happened to my truck or the seal team campers Anonymous 04/29/13(Mon)13:11:01 UTC-7 No. 1605416 P3 responsible gun owner

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drugs lsd gun

Batweed

11 Smokey Mcbongwater Tue, 24 Jan 2012 18:05:42 ESTIDKSc614v No.40714400 Δ File: 1327446342192.gif-(279481 B, 500x346) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size 甲Quick Reply sbe parkouring wearing batman costume because it's halloween, feels appropriate. find an alley that looks promising, decide to smoke a spliff while i plan out my route halfway done when someone taps on my shoulder, says 'excuse me >turn around, it's a cop. he says "i don't think the batman would break the law" panic for a second, then remembered the easy roof access. decide to ham it up and say in my best batman voice "then... you don't know the batman" corner jump up a wall, run along the top of a fence and leap upa building get to top of the building, look down. cop looks f------ baffled Phear him say into walkie talkie 'i think i caught the real batman smoking weed' a few months later, i bumped into the same cop on the street. he asks me to stop for a second, saying i look familiar, but can't place my face MFW the whole ordeal
11 Smokey Mcbongwater Tue, 24 Jan 2012 18:05:42 ESTIDKSc614v No.40714400 Δ File: 1327446342192.gif-(279481 B, 500x346) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size 甲Quick Reply sbe parkouring wearing batman costume because it's halloween, feels appropriate. find an alley that looks promising, decide to smoke a spliff while i plan out my route halfway done when someone taps on my shoulder, says 'excuse me >turn around, it's a cop. he says "i don't think the batman would break the law" panic for a second, then remembered the easy roof access. decide to ham it up and say in my best batman voice "then... you don't know the batman" corner jump up a wall, run along the top of a fence and leap upa building get to top of the building, look down. cop looks f------ baffled Phear him say into walkie talkie 'i think i caught the real batman smoking weed' a few months later, i bumped into the same cop on the street. he asks me to stop for a second, saying i look familiar, but can't place my face MFW the whole ordeal

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batman weed

Wereshitposter

File: 1434893711298.png (85 KB, 361x333) ■ Anonymous 09/25/15(Fri)14:20:36 No.22629468 [Reply] >-226295142-22629521 who else /shitpostingenthusiast/ here? >got drunk yesterday >don't remember most of it >woke up with insane hangover >look at 11 hours of browser and event history >apparently I felt some waves of creativity >spammed Ir9k/, /pol, Ixl and /mu/ with idiotic comments >got in a huge inernet fight with some dude from baltic states while roleplaying as slav (I'm strayan) used switzerland, turkish and russian proxies >have a dozen of pictures of unknown people saved [wherever am i must also shitpost on my hard drive >wrote long ass greentext story about tf no gf, butchered it in half and posted the wall of nonsense >created at least 16 threads, 9 of them in /r9k/ >one had 300+ replies, rest had 5-10 "sang" a song for Imu/ >got globally m00ted for saying "ayy Imao" in Ix/ magick b------- thread >made a screenshot of ban >even tried to c------- >again, don't remember almost anything of it >mfw I'm wereshitposter page and named it "proud.jpg"
File: 1434893711298.png (85 KB, 361x333) ■ Anonymous 09/25/15(Fri)14:20:36 No.22629468 [Reply] >-226295142-22629521 who else /shitpostingenthusiast/ here? >got drunk yesterday >don't remember most of it >woke up with insane hangover >look at 11 hours of browser and event history >apparently I felt some waves of creativity >spammed Ir9k/, /pol, Ixl and /mu/ with idiotic comments >got in a huge inernet fight with some dude from baltic states while roleplaying as slav (I'm strayan) used switzerland, turkish and russian proxies >have a dozen of pictures of unknown people saved [wherever am i must also shitpost on my hard drive >wrote long ass greentext story about tf no gf, butchered it in half and posted the wall of nonsense >created at least 16 threads, 9 of them in /r9k/ >one had 300+ replies, rest had 5-10 "sang" a song for Imu/ >got globally m00ted for saying "ayy Imao" in Ix/ magick b------- thread >made a screenshot of ban >even tried to c------- >again, don't remember almost anything of it >mfw I'm wereshitposter page and named it "proud.jpg"

Greentext Stories
shitpost

WELL DO YAH PUNKS?

File: 4chanlololo245.ipg (34 KB, 251x407) ■ Anonymous 10/05/16 Wed 09:55:10 No.706595555 22708505748 >708505917 >>708596356 >>708596537 >>708596781 >>700596783 22708507013 22708507138 22708597297 22708508000 227066 >Be me, 6'5 280 lbs redneck 기 mean total redneck. Trump lovin', confederate flag wavin', gun totin", trailer livin' redneck Live 10 miles from nearest town, 2 miles from nearest neighbor >Sitting on beanbag chair in living room of double wide whilst eating a cherry popsicle and watching longmire on netflix, got a semi bc vic makes the spaghetti roll >hear car pull into driveway w-- jpg >Not only is this weird because of distance from town, it's also 3 AM ook out window >s----- 80's oldsmobile wagon pulled into yard >3 teens in full "scary" clown costumes step out >there's been a string of thefts on nearby farms, figure it's connected >Throw on a pair of jungle boots and cowboy hat, leaving the rest in the nude >Grab Draco AK pistol on the way out of door >Can see they are sneaking around by my other trailer (there is two on my property, use other one for storage but it has more lights on and looks more lived in) >Sneak up behind them >Jump behind the biggest one, whom I am a solid 7 inches taller than was gonna yell wanna die?" or "What the f---?" but brain went full autist and combined the two syell "wanna f---? >All three turn around to see a 6'5 overweight redneck wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and combat boots, carrying an AK, with lipstick-red lips that just asked them if they wanna f--- ook down and realize all the adrenaline turned the semi into a throbbing, precum-leaking full on >Never seen anyone run that fast in my life >mfw I'll bet they never try the clown prank again.
File: 4chanlololo245.ipg (34 KB, 251x407) ■ Anonymous 10/05/16 Wed 09:55:10 No.706595555 22708505748 >708505917 >>708596356 >>708596537 >>708596781 >>700596783 22708507013 22708507138 22708597297 22708508000 227066 >Be me, 6'5 280 lbs redneck 기 mean total redneck. Trump lovin', confederate flag wavin', gun totin", trailer livin' redneck Live 10 miles from nearest town, 2 miles from nearest neighbor >Sitting on beanbag chair in living room of double wide whilst eating a cherry popsicle and watching longmire on netflix, got a semi bc vic makes the spaghetti roll >hear car pull into driveway w-- jpg >Not only is this weird because of distance from town, it's also 3 AM ook out window >s----- 80's oldsmobile wagon pulled into yard >3 teens in full "scary" clown costumes step out >there's been a string of thefts on nearby farms, figure it's connected >Throw on a pair of jungle boots and cowboy hat, leaving the rest in the nude >Grab Draco AK pistol on the way out of door >Can see they are sneaking around by my other trailer (there is two on my property, use other one for storage but it has more lights on and looks more lived in) >Sneak up behind them >Jump behind the biggest one, whom I am a solid 7 inches taller than was gonna yell wanna die?" or "What the f---?" but brain went full autist and combined the two syell "wanna f---? >All three turn around to see a 6'5 overweight redneck wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and combat boots, carrying an AK, with lipstick-red lips that just asked them if they wanna f--- ook down and realize all the adrenaline turned the semi into a throbbing, precum-leaking full on >Never seen anyone run that fast in my life >mfw I'll bet they never try the clown prank again.

Greentext Stories
/k/ greentext scary clown prank clown

Turd Toss

Anonymous 12/26/10(Sun)06:40:13 No.12626439 File1293363613 ipg-(35 KB, 730x590, 1287819309086.jpg) I have the worst story of all time >over at a friends house need to take a s--- really bad run to the toilet, his room is right next door to the bathroom ltake two monster size turds s flush, nothing happens bowl fills with water and s--- just stays there sit wont flush, I panic. I don't want anyone to come in and see the massive crap I just made sl open the bathroom window, reach into the bowl with my hands and grab the brown dildo sized s--- >l toss it out the window into the neighbours garden which is only like 2 meters away ssecond s--- goes flying over the wall as well there is no face for when I get back to his room and his window is open. >did you just throw crap next door? NOPE
Anonymous 12/26/10(Sun)06:40:13 No.12626439 File1293363613 ipg-(35 KB, 730x590, 1287819309086.jpg) I have the worst story of all time >over at a friends house need to take a s--- really bad run to the toilet, his room is right next door to the bathroom ltake two monster size turds s flush, nothing happens bowl fills with water and s--- just stays there sit wont flush, I panic. I don't want anyone to come in and see the massive crap I just made sl open the bathroom window, reach into the bowl with my hands and grab the brown dildo sized s--- >l toss it out the window into the neighbours garden which is only like 2 meters away ssecond s--- goes flying over the wall as well there is no face for when I get back to his room and his window is open. >did you just throw crap next door? NOPE

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turd poo poop

Farm Story

Anonymous 02/05/14(Wed)20:29:30 No.530995260 ITT: Autistic Mistakes >Be 15 > Go to farm on after- school group's field trip >Want to be funny 19 KB JPG > Go to farmer "You have a nice d---." > MFW meant to say c--- > MFW I realize he grew vegatables > MFW I'm probably retarded
Anonymous 02/05/14(Wed)20:29:30 No.530995260 ITT: Autistic Mistakes >Be 15 > Go to farm on after- school group's field trip >Want to be funny 19 KB JPG > Go to farmer "You have a nice d---." > MFW meant to say c--- > MFW I realize he grew vegatables > MFW I'm probably retarded

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farm vegetable

45mm

This is a Glock & Wesson 45mm FPO designed in 1789 by Colt Koch Anonymous 01/08/15(Thu)01:04:05 No.24256699 File. Dale-Earnhardt-23 lpg (68 KB, 550x468) 2224231958 45mm? H-------- d---- where can i find one of those? >Be chillin at the house Hear a crash Ohfuckrobbers.jpg Whip out my 45mm hand gun >Pray to Colt Koch >Sneak down stairs >see 2 m------------ carrying my tv not this time bitch fire at one of them >His chest explodes >demolishes tv he goes down >Other dude starts to run ofire three shots rapidly >first one knocks hole in wall the size of a baby >second hits the guys arm, it goes fliying off with an arch of blood >third hits his head, bullet goes through, taking his head with it -tears top half of my front door completely off >my arm is now broken in 8 places I can make my arm wiggle like my semi-flacid d--- >Have to go to hospital Shave to get new tv >have to get new wall >have to get new door >mfw it's all worth it
This is a Glock & Wesson 45mm FPO designed in 1789 by Colt Koch Anonymous 01/08/15(Thu)01:04:05 No.24256699 File. Dale-Earnhardt-23 lpg (68 KB, 550x468) 2224231958 45mm? H-------- d---- where can i find one of those? >Be chillin at the house Hear a crash Ohfuckrobbers.jpg Whip out my 45mm hand gun >Pray to Colt Koch >Sneak down stairs >see 2 m------------ carrying my tv not this time bitch fire at one of them >His chest explodes >demolishes tv he goes down >Other dude starts to run ofire three shots rapidly >first one knocks hole in wall the size of a baby >second hits the guys arm, it goes fliying off with an arch of blood >third hits his head, bullet goes through, taking his head with it -tears top half of my front door completely off >my arm is now broken in 8 places I can make my arm wiggle like my semi-flacid d--- >Have to go to hospital Shave to get new tv >have to get new wall >have to get new door >mfw it's all worth it

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gun burglar glock

Badda Bing

Anonymous 05/08/16(Sun)23:04:54 No 683368161 >be me >20 >walking around Brooklyn new to the city feel and opportunity come up >yell at the top of my lungs 6 KB JPG BADDA BING > some fat guy in a greasy tank top yells from his apartment window >BADDA BOOM >mfw
Anonymous 05/08/16(Sun)23:04:54 No 683368161 >be me >20 >walking around Brooklyn new to the city feel and opportunity come up >yell at the top of my lungs 6 KB JPG BADDA BING > some fat guy in a greasy tank top yells from his apartment window >BADDA BOOM >mfw

Greentext Stories
badda boom brooklyn

Amazon Prime X

Anonymous No.703960114 20 minutes ago amazon >be me go on amazon to buy stainless steel popcorn machine (i love popcorn) add my s--- to cart see they have an upgrade to Amazon Prime called Amazon Prime X claims to deliver your order i 10 minutes or les:s think its b------- free trial so i use it anyway checkout 10 minutes go by think "i knew it was too good to be true" >Knock knock, open up the door, it's real With the non-stop, pop pop and stainless steel >mfw X gonna give it to ya F--- waitin' for you to get it on your own >X gonna deliver to ya
Anonymous No.703960114 20 minutes ago amazon >be me go on amazon to buy stainless steel popcorn machine (i love popcorn) add my s--- to cart see they have an upgrade to Amazon Prime called Amazon Prime X claims to deliver your order i 10 minutes or les:s think its b------- free trial so i use it anyway checkout 10 minutes go by think "i knew it was too good to be true" >Knock knock, open up the door, it's real With the non-stop, pop pop and stainless steel >mfw X gonna give it to ya F--- waitin' for you to get it on your own >X gonna deliver to ya

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amazon prime dmx

Family Weed

AnonymoUS No.623065567 4 minutes ago >be 23 >marry hot chick cougar who's husband died rebound sex was cray >she has daughter my age >my single dad thinks my wife's daughter is a fox >wtfdad.jpg they date for a few months and get married >my stepdaughter is now my stepmother >my father is my son in law w--.exe have kid with cougar wife >dad has kid with my stepdaughter my baby became a brother in law to dad >my baby is now my uncle >Jerry springer.PNG >my dad's kid is my sister and my stepdaughters baby thus my grandchild >my wife is my step-mothers mother who is now a grandma to my new half-sibling >I am married to my grandma >l am my own grandpa
AnonymoUS No.623065567 4 minutes ago >be 23 >marry hot chick cougar who's husband died rebound sex was cray >she has daughter my age >my single dad thinks my wife's daughter is a fox >wtfdad.jpg they date for a few months and get married >my stepdaughter is now my stepmother >my father is my son in law w--.exe have kid with cougar wife >dad has kid with my stepdaughter my baby became a brother in law to dad >my baby is now my uncle >Jerry springer.PNG >my dad's kid is my sister and my stepdaughters baby thus my grandchild >my wife is my step-mothers mother who is now a grandma to my new half-sibling >I am married to my grandma >l am my own grandpa

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family tree cougar

Faux German

0 Anonymous (ID: elZhTcQy) 09/13/12(Thu)13:28:57 No.424974196 Replies: 242 drunk thread be 19 >go to party at fire pit in woods >really dark out >speaking in german accent all night for no reason >am really drunk have full beard ive been workin on for like 4 months >drink 26er of captain morgans >start yelling all the german words i know at top of my lungs >everyone finds it funny >in german accent approach 8/10 chick with a s----- pick up line it works >grab her ass and make out with her for like 10-15 minutes >wander off talk to other people, still in accent >guy approaches me >says i made out with his girlfriend >ohshitwhathaveidone jpeg >sorry mein friend, i was not aware >this guy is really f----- drunk >I'm gonna kill you you stupid nazi f----- >your girlfriend did not think i vas a vaggot >takes a swing at me >side step him >grab thick wooden log >smash him on head with it >he falls down and smacks his face off a rock run away as i hear someone calling 911 >get home, shave beard >rest of summer everyone i know is talking about that bearded german guy and how theyre gonna beat his ass if they find him smfw
0 Anonymous (ID: elZhTcQy) 09/13/12(Thu)13:28:57 No.424974196 Replies: 242 drunk thread be 19 >go to party at fire pit in woods >really dark out >speaking in german accent all night for no reason >am really drunk have full beard ive been workin on for like 4 months >drink 26er of captain morgans >start yelling all the german words i know at top of my lungs >everyone finds it funny >in german accent approach 8/10 chick with a s----- pick up line it works >grab her ass and make out with her for like 10-15 minutes >wander off talk to other people, still in accent >guy approaches me >says i made out with his girlfriend >ohshitwhathaveidone jpeg >sorry mein friend, i was not aware >this guy is really f----- drunk >I'm gonna kill you you stupid nazi f----- >your girlfriend did not think i vas a vaggot >takes a swing at me >side step him >grab thick wooden log >smash him on head with it >he falls down and smacks his face off a rock run away as i hear someone calling 911 >get home, shave beard >rest of summer everyone i know is talking about that bearded german guy and how theyre gonna beat his ass if they find him smfw

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german beard

D-d-double Kill

Anonymous (ID: IPha3kZp) 07/27/12(Fri)13:07:54 No.415034363 ITT: Bad first impressions > Went to girlfriend's house > First time meeting parents > Pull into driveway > I know she has a cat and a dog > Remember I have my laser pointer > excellent.png > Think I'm gonna make everyone's day by playing with the animals > All shall lol > Go inside > Hi, Hello, My name is Derp, I'm 19, etc. s Dog on couch s Cat walks into room > Shine laser pointer on floor > Cat leaps for it > Dog leaps for it > Dog attacks cat for whatever the f--- reason > Cat died > Dog has heart attack > Dog died > MFW I killed these people's beloved pets within five minutes of meeting them Anonymous (ID: UXOZV5xK) 07/27/12(Fri)13:10:06 No.415034636 File: 1343409006753 jpg-(17 KB, 235x284, 1335247816033.jpg) mfw Anonymous (ID: tcTk5K3x) 07/27/12(Fri)13:10:07 No.415034640 B------- Anonymous (ID: CzW16lb) 07127/12(Fri)13:10:36 No.415034701 You're pretty much my hero right now
Anonymous (ID: IPha3kZp) 07/27/12(Fri)13:07:54 No.415034363 ITT: Bad first impressions > Went to girlfriend's house > First time meeting parents > Pull into driveway > I know she has a cat and a dog > Remember I have my laser pointer > excellent.png > Think I'm gonna make everyone's day by playing with the animals > All shall lol > Go inside > Hi, Hello, My name is Derp, I'm 19, etc. s Dog on couch s Cat walks into room > Shine laser pointer on floor > Cat leaps for it > Dog leaps for it > Dog attacks cat for whatever the f--- reason > Cat died > Dog has heart attack > Dog died > MFW I killed these people's beloved pets within five minutes of meeting them Anonymous (ID: UXOZV5xK) 07/27/12(Fri)13:10:06 No.415034636 File: 1343409006753 jpg-(17 KB, 235x284, 1335247816033.jpg) mfw Anonymous (ID: tcTk5K3x) 07/27/12(Fri)13:10:07 No.415034640 B------- Anonymous (ID: CzW16lb) 07127/12(Fri)13:10:36 No.415034701 You're pretty much my hero right now

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dog cat

Sssssnake Plisssssken's the name

I-15.ipg (136 KB, 1600x1600) igdb google 88□ Anonymous 07/07/12(Sat)09:06 No.3003380 Reply [r] -filling out job application yesterday >"Other names or nickname you go by >happened to see Escape from LA on the tele while eating breakfast earlier that morning and put down Snake >phone rings today >"Hello, is this Snake? >YesssSsssSssssssS... send up acting like this awkward freak with a speech impediment entire conversation ady actually wants me to come in for an interview Oh God. Am I supposed to keep the act up or do l just awkwardly drop it and act completely normal as soon as I see her or would that come across as dishonest or oh god why is this happening Anonymous 07/07/12(Sat)11:39 No.3004452 Well long story short I awkwardly trolled the entire interview and somehow got the job. I can only imagine these places get some perk from the govt for meeting a minimum quota of mentally challenged employees. She actually stepped away halfway through the interview and brought in some other boss and this old District Manager guy that was wearing a cowboy hat. He shook my hand and said Its good to meet you, Snake" he couldn't of been a day younger than 80 Some tidbits from the interview > Do you have a wife or children? >"No I live with my parentssSsss.." >Ooh.."(awkward silence) >Tell me about yourself! What do you do for fun? >Ssssunbathing." >"Well it's a good year for that! sss.. just kinda hissed quietly for no reason, she looked a little weirded out) >What would you say are your strengths? s"Once I wrap myself around a taskl dont let go until itsss finished." >Thats great! Wow." This poor f------ woman, she was wide-eyed the entire time like in a constant state of shock. I could tell it was intense for her. I felt awkward as f--- so just did a Dexter-grin the whole time and was a bit subtle with some of my S's, but others came out in full force unintentionally I start on Monday. I dont know if I can keep this up when it comes to meeting others, there's some painfully cute girls working there and it d just kill my soul. Not sure if they will give me a nametag with Snake on it but if they do I'll upload a picture on monday
I-15.ipg (136 KB, 1600x1600) igdb google 88□ Anonymous 07/07/12(Sat)09:06 No.3003380 Reply [r] -filling out job application yesterday >"Other names or nickname you go by >happened to see Escape from LA on the tele while eating breakfast earlier that morning and put down Snake >phone rings today >"Hello, is this Snake? >YesssSsssSssssssS... send up acting like this awkward freak with a speech impediment entire conversation ady actually wants me to come in for an interview Oh God. Am I supposed to keep the act up or do l just awkwardly drop it and act completely normal as soon as I see her or would that come across as dishonest or oh god why is this happening Anonymous 07/07/12(Sat)11:39 No.3004452 Well long story short I awkwardly trolled the entire interview and somehow got the job. I can only imagine these places get some perk from the govt for meeting a minimum quota of mentally challenged employees. She actually stepped away halfway through the interview and brought in some other boss and this old District Manager guy that was wearing a cowboy hat. He shook my hand and said Its good to meet you, Snake" he couldn't of been a day younger than 80 Some tidbits from the interview > Do you have a wife or children? >"No I live with my parentssSsss.." >Ooh.."(awkward silence) >Tell me about yourself! What do you do for fun? >Ssssunbathing." >"Well it's a good year for that! sss.. just kinda hissed quietly for no reason, she looked a little weirded out) >What would you say are your strengths? s"Once I wrap myself around a taskl dont let go until itsss finished." >Thats great! Wow." This poor f------ woman, she was wide-eyed the entire time like in a constant state of shock. I could tell it was intense for her. I felt awkward as f--- so just did a Dexter-grin the whole time and was a bit subtle with some of my S's, but others came out in full force unintentionally I start on Monday. I dont know if I can keep this up when it comes to meeting others, there's some painfully cute girls working there and it d just kill my soul. Not sure if they will give me a nametag with Snake on it but if they do I'll upload a picture on monday

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job application snake plisken

Get Roozeled

凵Anonymous 08/03/15(Mon)18:36:05 No.632382328 File: hoovy ipg (13 KB, 400x384) >2632382788 >2632384771 this dream kinda crack me up when i think about even though it happened over a decade ago >be me >in dream >in my living room >see President Bush looking at a picture on the wall >he won't stop looking at the picture >I get up and look at the picture >the picture is a coke >wut.png >I am a coke >Im paralyzed >Bush slowly turns around and looks at me >hes smiling like hes about to burst into laughter >he calmy says two words >"Crackerbarrel, son. >im even more confused >I can move again go to garage >Bush follows >get in garage and theres a 10/10 milf standing there >she starts sucking me off while Bush just stands there like a cuck >I glance at him >He's still smiling >This time he chuckles and says two more words >"Get roozeled. >wake up sto this day i have no idea what roozeled means
凵Anonymous 08/03/15(Mon)18:36:05 No.632382328 File: hoovy ipg (13 KB, 400x384) >2632382788 >2632384771 this dream kinda crack me up when i think about even though it happened over a decade ago >be me >in dream >in my living room >see President Bush looking at a picture on the wall >he won't stop looking at the picture >I get up and look at the picture >the picture is a coke >wut.png >I am a coke >Im paralyzed >Bush slowly turns around and looks at me >hes smiling like hes about to burst into laughter >he calmy says two words >"Crackerbarrel, son. >im even more confused >I can move again go to garage >Bush follows >get in garage and theres a 10/10 milf standing there >she starts sucking me off while Bush just stands there like a cuck >I glance at him >He's still smiling >This time he chuckles and says two more words >"Get roozeled. >wake up sto this day i have no idea what roozeled means

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dream george bush