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Anon goes to "conversion therapy" | /r/Greentext

35 KB PNG situation >be me around 2010 >15-16 years old, gay or at least I thought >Come out to mom and dad >They are heartbroken and want me to start conversion therapy of a sort since they're the worst kind of religious >Guy who's 19 who goes to my church and kinda chill with me is aware of the >Tells my parents that for $100 a week for 10 weeks, two sessions a week he can perform effective conversion therapy >I am skeptical but better than the alternative >Mom happily drops me at his house >He opens up and talks to me saying "do not tell your mom anything but I know what you're going through and you're not alone" >Ends up spending an hour playing Xbox 360 games with me and giving me snacks while chilling with some pop punk music blaring in the background >This occurs for all 10 f------ weeks and I tell my parents different things that didn't actually happen pretending I was becoming more straight >At the end of the 10 weeks my "therapist" says if I need anything him and his roommates can help >Also hands me $300 to keep that most definitely came from my mom >Pretend that it "saved" me so I don't have to go through actual conversion therapy and to this day my parents are unaware The best part? I don't think I'm actually gay I just don't really have a strong urge to be in a relationship, however I may have slight attraction to some girls, so maybe that s--- worked on me all along.
35 KB PNG situation >be me around 2010 >15-16 years old, gay or at least I thought >Come out to mom and dad >They are heartbroken and want me to start conversion therapy of a sort since they're the worst kind of religious >Guy who's 19 who goes to my church and kinda chill with me is aware of the >Tells my parents that for $100 a week for 10 weeks, two sessions a week he can perform effective conversion therapy >I am skeptical but better than the alternative >Mom happily drops me at his house >He opens up and talks to me saying "do not tell your mom anything but I know what you're going through and you're not alone" >Ends up spending an hour playing Xbox 360 games with me and giving me snacks while chilling with some pop punk music blaring in the background >This occurs for all 10 f------ weeks and I tell my parents different things that didn't actually happen pretending I was becoming more straight >At the end of the 10 weeks my "therapist" says if I need anything him and his roommates can help >Also hands me $300 to keep that most definitely came from my mom >Pretend that it "saved" me so I don't have to go through actual conversion therapy and to this day my parents are unaware The best part? I don't think I'm actually gay I just don't really have a strong urge to be in a relationship, however I may have slight attraction to some girls, so maybe that s--- worked on me all along.

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Hogwarts shenanigans | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/24/24(Wed)19:24:24 No.201669998 >"It appears that Slytherin are in first place with 759 points. Cheers, cheers, Slytherin..." Dumbledore announced calmly, "HOWEVER, before I present the House Cup, last minute adjustments must be made." >a cacophony of whispers fills the hall >"Harry Potter..." the aging headmaster said, stretching his legs from the podium to Harry's seat. He stood next to the bemused chosen one, "what is one plus one?" >Harry, completely befuddled by the question, answered tentatively. "Two, sir?" >"YES! YES! THAT IS INDEED THE ANSWER!" Dumbledore yelled calmly. "TO HARRY M------------ POTTER, FOR YOUR HEADSTRONG APPROACH TO THE FIELD OF MATHEMATICS AND SUCCESSFUL DIVINATION OF A SOLUTION TO AN EQUATION, I AWARD YOU ONE BILLION F------ POINTS!" >The Slytherins groan. Another year gone, another House Cup lost. >"AAAAAAAND WHAT DO YOU KNOW IT LOOKS LIKE GRYFFINDOR WINS THE HOUSE CUP AGAIN!" the headmaster bellowed. From under his robe, twenty legs stretched out and started to curbstomp every Slytherin f------ s--- into the table. Broken teeth clattered on the floor, drops of blood spread over the fine oak. "WHAT'S WRONG, SLYTHERIN? EVERY REACTION HAS AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REACTION AFTER ALL! FOR EVERY GRYFFINDOR THAT CAN ADD, ONE HUNDRED OF YOU DEGENERATES MUST BE SUBTRACTED!" >After one hundred Slytherin students were gruesomely killed, all but two of Dumbledore's legs retreated into his robe. >"Would the remaining Slytherins meet me in my bedchambers tonight?" Dumbledore calmly concluded. "I have another leg to tend to." >>201680953 # >>201685369 # >>201685591 # >>201697469 #
Anonymous 07/24/24(Wed)19:24:24 No.201669998 >"It appears that Slytherin are in first place with 759 points. Cheers, cheers, Slytherin..." Dumbledore announced calmly, "HOWEVER, before I present the House Cup, last minute adjustments must be made." >a cacophony of whispers fills the hall >"Harry Potter..." the aging headmaster said, stretching his legs from the podium to Harry's seat. He stood next to the bemused chosen one, "what is one plus one?" >Harry, completely befuddled by the question, answered tentatively. "Two, sir?" >"YES! YES! THAT IS INDEED THE ANSWER!" Dumbledore yelled calmly. "TO HARRY M------------ POTTER, FOR YOUR HEADSTRONG APPROACH TO THE FIELD OF MATHEMATICS AND SUCCESSFUL DIVINATION OF A SOLUTION TO AN EQUATION, I AWARD YOU ONE BILLION F------ POINTS!" >The Slytherins groan. Another year gone, another House Cup lost. >"AAAAAAAND WHAT DO YOU KNOW IT LOOKS LIKE GRYFFINDOR WINS THE HOUSE CUP AGAIN!" the headmaster bellowed. From under his robe, twenty legs stretched out and started to curbstomp every Slytherin f------ s--- into the table. Broken teeth clattered on the floor, drops of blood spread over the fine oak. "WHAT'S WRONG, SLYTHERIN? EVERY REACTION HAS AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REACTION AFTER ALL! FOR EVERY GRYFFINDOR THAT CAN ADD, ONE HUNDRED OF YOU DEGENERATES MUST BE SUBTRACTED!" >After one hundred Slytherin students were gruesomely killed, all but two of Dumbledore's legs retreated into his robe. >"Would the remaining Slytherins meet me in my bedchambers tonight?" Dumbledore calmly concluded. "I have another leg to tend to." >>201680953 # >>201685369 # >>201685591 # >>201697469 #

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Extreme Nicotine | /r/Greentext

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous ▼Settings Mobile Home 07/24/24(Wed)19:43:03 No.78268694 199 KB PNG # Snus Experience >Be me >With Friends >Trying to quit cigarettes >Friend hands me this thing called snus >Tells me its from Sweden >Tucker Carlson is addicted to it >Why not? >Chuck it in my mouth >Instinctively swallow it >mfw everyone is looking at me like I'm a retard
Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous ▼Settings Mobile Home 07/24/24(Wed)19:43:03 No.78268694 199 KB PNG # Snus Experience >Be me >With Friends >Trying to quit cigarettes >Friend hands me this thing called snus >Tells me its from Sweden >Tucker Carlson is addicted to it >Why not? >Chuck it in my mouth >Instinctively swallow it >mfw everyone is looking at me like I'm a retard

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Some things never change | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/19/24(Fri)20:33:17 No. 199951064 52700725eab8eaac66416a5f.jpg 38 KB JPG >humans invent film >first thing they record is cats
: Anonymous 07/19/24(Fri)20:33:17 No. 199951064 52700725eab8eaac66416a5f.jpg 38 KB JPG >humans invent film >first thing they record is cats

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Anon eats a twix | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 71 KB JPG 04/15/22(Fri)18:25:57 No.876351510 >sitting blindfolded >woman in lab coat feeds me a Twix >"Left" >she marks her notes >329 consecutive correct guesses
Anonymous 71 KB JPG 04/15/22(Fri)18:25:57 No.876351510 >sitting blindfolded >woman in lab coat feeds me a Twix >"Left" >she marks her notes >329 consecutive correct guesses

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The term used to be ironic | /r/Greentext

Anonymous THE 06/03/24(Mon)02:25:05 No.678439318 RIP ABSOLUTE STATE OF THE MMORPG GENRE 152 KB JPG >genre is called MMO RPG >designed to rush you to endgame >all you do is rinse and repeat raids and PvP forever why? actual RPGs aren't like this Anonymous >the absolute state of 06/03/24(Mon)02:26:52 No.678439398 who coined this retarded saying
Anonymous THE 06/03/24(Mon)02:25:05 No.678439318 RIP ABSOLUTE STATE OF THE MMORPG GENRE 152 KB JPG >genre is called MMO RPG >designed to rush you to endgame >all you do is rinse and repeat raids and PvP forever why? actual RPGs aren't like this Anonymous >the absolute state of 06/03/24(Mon)02:26:52 No.678439398 who coined this retarded saying

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Tardy Driver | /r/Greentext

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous 18. ▼Settings Mobile Home 07/24/24(Wed)15:47:21 No.78266580 893 KB PNG >Get p----- off at slow driver on the road >Finally make it past him >Take time out of your day to damage his vehicle with your own vehicle Point made?
Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous 18. ▼Settings Mobile Home 07/24/24(Wed)15:47:21 No.78266580 893 KB PNG >Get p----- off at slow driver on the road >Finally make it past him >Take time out of your day to damage his vehicle with your own vehicle Point made?

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A gooner's dilemma | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/24/24(Wed)18:55:04 No.78264842 1721840049592.png 104 KB PNG >need to buy more p--- >already maxxed out my credit card I hate being poor.
Anonymous 07/24/24(Wed)18:55:04 No.78264842 1721840049592.png 104 KB PNG >need to buy more p--- >already maxxed out my credit card I hate being poor.

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Wilful Ignorance | /r/Greentext

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous People for some reason ▼Settings Mobile Home 07/24/24(Wed)10:05:38 No.78263434 OUT OF BUSINESS ELL TH TO TH DANGER 28:02 KEEP OUT The Evil Decline of Britain's Highstreets JimmyTheGiant 39 views • 2 minutes ago 176 KB PNG >OMG the highstreet is dying >*Buys from Amazon* >This is the fault of amazon! Also the same reason why shopping malls are dying in the US but that's a good thing because shopping malls are le bad because you have to drive there.
Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous People for some reason ▼Settings Mobile Home 07/24/24(Wed)10:05:38 No.78263434 OUT OF BUSINESS ELL TH TO TH DANGER 28:02 KEEP OUT The Evil Decline of Britain's Highstreets JimmyTheGiant 39 views • 2 minutes ago 176 KB PNG >OMG the highstreet is dying >*Buys from Amazon* >This is the fault of amazon! Also the same reason why shopping malls are dying in the US but that's a good thing because shopping malls are le bad because you have to drive there.

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Sub-Prime IQ Score | /r/Greentext

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous ▼Settings Mobile Home 07/24/24(Wed)14:47:10 No.78265943 86 KB PNG >Experiences housing market crash in 2008 >Somehow causes global recession Am I missing something here?
Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous ▼Settings Mobile Home 07/24/24(Wed)14:47:10 No.78265943 86 KB PNG >Experiences housing market crash in 2008 >Somehow causes global recession Am I missing something here?

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First hand experience | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 101 KB JPG >"yeah" 07/24/24(Wed)16:16:19 No.78263529 Yes, women are actually retarded >be me, wageslave cuckQUEEN cashier >work >its hot and I hate people >relatively famous influencer comes by often when its not too crowded >coworkers rush to me after finally seeing him and say "HEY ISNT THAT X?!" >"WHATTT?! Omg we HAVE to take a pic!" >one girl starts trembling in excitement >whatthefuck >"hey nona, can you ask him to take a picture with us?" >"no" >"WHY? Just do it" >"haha nona isnt even affected by him" >trying to hold my disgust in in front of these worshippers >the guy is conventionally good looking but he literally screams pretentious laidback playboy >"pleaseee nona ask him" >"ok" > comes by and i say "hey my friends wanna take a picture with you is that cool?" >"yeah, no problem" >takingapicture >fml >"thank you x!" Coworker1 says >ffw I tell him the total on the register so he can pay >"are these all free now?" >huh >guy points to the groceries hes buying >"no" >his smile falls >"i was just joking" he says >he pays in cash and leaves
Anonymous 101 KB JPG >"yeah" 07/24/24(Wed)16:16:19 No.78263529 Yes, women are actually retarded >be me, wageslave cuckQUEEN cashier >work >its hot and I hate people >relatively famous influencer comes by often when its not too crowded >coworkers rush to me after finally seeing him and say "HEY ISNT THAT X?!" >"WHATTT?! Omg we HAVE to take a pic!" >one girl starts trembling in excitement >whatthefuck >"hey nona, can you ask him to take a picture with us?" >"no" >"WHY? Just do it" >"haha nona isnt even affected by him" >trying to hold my disgust in in front of these worshippers >the guy is conventionally good looking but he literally screams pretentious laidback playboy >"pleaseee nona ask him" >"ok" > comes by and i say "hey my friends wanna take a picture with you is that cool?" >"yeah, no problem" >takingapicture >fml >"thank you x!" Coworker1 says >ffw I tell him the total on the register so he can pay >"are these all free now?" >huh >guy points to the groceries hes buying >"no" >his smile falls >"i was just joking" he says >he pays in cash and leaves

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Anon gets embarrassed by his average size | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 69 KB JPG 07/24/24(Wed)11:32:21 No.921819698 >Be me >On vacation with my girlfriend, her best friend, and his girlfriend >There's a mix-up with the laundry, and all our clothes get mixed together >Turns out the friend and I wear the same brand of boxers, making it hard to tell mine from his >His girlfriend starts picking out and claiming which boxers are his with surprising accuracy >I ask her how she knows which ones are his >She exchanges a look with my girlfriend, and they both giggle >"His boxers are more worn out, that's all" >I look at his boxers and notice they are clearly more stretched out in the groin area than mine >Picture related >I've never been ashamed of my average size before, but I felt a bit embarrassed after hearing that
: Anonymous 69 KB JPG 07/24/24(Wed)11:32:21 No.921819698 >Be me >On vacation with my girlfriend, her best friend, and his girlfriend >There's a mix-up with the laundry, and all our clothes get mixed together >Turns out the friend and I wear the same brand of boxers, making it hard to tell mine from his >His girlfriend starts picking out and claiming which boxers are his with surprising accuracy >I ask her how she knows which ones are his >She exchanges a look with my girlfriend, and they both giggle >"His boxers are more worn out, that's all" >I look at his boxers and notice they are clearly more stretched out in the groin area than mine >Picture related >I've never been ashamed of my average size before, but I felt a bit embarrassed after hearing that

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Bravo Vince. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/30/21(Sun)13:45:11 No.123440443 >gets criticized once >f------ dies gh.jpg 13 KB JPG
Anonymous 05/30/21(Sun)13:45:11 No.123440443 >gets criticized once >f------ dies gh.jpg 13 KB JPG

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Anon likes buggy games | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/01/23(Fri)03:38:32 No.649205090 1419286710488.jpg 49 KB JPG >>649204881 # >I was just trying to release a 20GB upda- >>WHY? WHY NOW? LEAVE THE F------ BUGS THERE, ALRIGHT? I LOVE F------ BUGS IN MY GAME. I PLAY M------------ UNPATCHED GAMES AT NIGHT SO THEY BRICK MY CONSOLE IN THE MORNING.
Anonymous 09/01/23(Fri)03:38:32 No.649205090 1419286710488.jpg 49 KB JPG >>649204881 # >I was just trying to release a 20GB upda- >>WHY? WHY NOW? LEAVE THE F------ BUGS THERE, ALRIGHT? I LOVE F------ BUGS IN MY GAME. I PLAY M------------ UNPATCHED GAMES AT NIGHT SO THEY BRICK MY CONSOLE IN THE MORNING.

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Steve coogan makes a femboy discord server | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/24/24(Wed)10:38:48 No.201667831 TV > Drama TWISTED JOKER First look at Steve Coogan transformed into p--------- Jimmy Savile on set of gritty new drama The Reckoning Jill Robinson IMG_7391.jpg 998 KB JPG >transforming into a p--- for a tv role Is this taking method acting too far?
Anonymous 07/24/24(Wed)10:38:48 No.201667831 TV > Drama TWISTED JOKER First look at Steve Coogan transformed into p--------- Jimmy Savile on set of gritty new drama The Reckoning Jill Robinson IMG_7391.jpg 998 KB JPG >transforming into a p--- for a tv role Is this taking method acting too far?

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Field Recon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/17/24(Wed)21:19:20 No.268900883 Ranma_flirts_with_Gosunkugi_-_Gosunkugi's_Paper_Dolls.png >>268900560 (OP) # 438 KB PNG >Makes a manga about a boy who can become a girl >Not a single chapter where Ranma is surrounded by penises and forced to please all men in the room Takahashi sucks man
Anonymous 07/17/24(Wed)21:19:20 No.268900883 Ranma_flirts_with_Gosunkugi_-_Gosunkugi's_Paper_Dolls.png >>268900560 (OP) # 438 KB PNG >Makes a manga about a boy who can become a girl >Not a single chapter where Ranma is surrounded by penises and forced to please all men in the room Takahashi sucks man

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DUDE YOU CANT JUST COME IN AT 11:59 ITS NOT HECKIN' WHOLESOME 30% TIP CHUNGUS!!! | /r/Greentext

1707968605656715.png (2.62 MB, 1088x1078) google yandex iqdb wait KE N Can ☐ Anonymous 07/23/24(Tue)15:21:42 No.201643119 >>201644245 >>201644921 >>201650243 >>201654842 >>201663771 >>201666716 Chef... table 7 has asked for another hamburger... Anonymous Anonymousv Anonymous Anonymous >>201644082 >>201644135 ☐ Anonymous 07/23/24(Tue)15:46:15 No.201644022 >>201644177 >>201644288 >>201644836 >>201647086 >>201647117 >>201650036 >>201655059 >>201657747 >>201658616 >>201660020 >>201661445 >>201661995 >>201662059 >>201664359 >>201666366 >>201666546 >>201666649 >>201666949 Anonymous 07/23/24(Tue)15:47:24 No.201644070 Normal people making a grilled cheese >Butter Bread >Add cheese >Put on frying pan and cook until golden brown >*Eat* >"Mmm, taste like childhood." Chefs making grilled cheese I've never seen such a transparent shilling campaign as this h--------, every day 50 bear threads. I'll never watch it btw, not even pirated. F--- you. Buy an ad. ✓ >>201663413 >>201663675 >>201666975 (Dead). >"THE PAN IS AT 213.67 DEGREES THE PERFECT TEMPERATURE FOR SANDWICH AU FROMAGE FONDU WHERE THE F--- IS MY BREAD?!?!" >"RIGHT HERE CHEF" >"The f--- is this? THE F--- IS THIS?!? IS THIS BREAD FROM A GROCERY STORE?!?! YOU ONLY USE BREAD MADE FROM ANCIENT GRAINS GROWN SPECIFICALLY ON THE EAST SIDE OF THE NILE RIVER IN EGYPT! GET THE F--- OUT OF MY KITCHEN! GET OUT!" >"Chef! I have your cheese prepped for you!" >"THIS IS SLICED AMERICAN CHEESE YOU F------ MORON! WHERE IS THE HIMALAYAN CHEESE MILKED FROM THE SACRED TEMPLE YAK THAT IS THE STANDARD IN ANY SELF RESPECTING KITCHEN! OUT OF MY KITCHEN NOW!" >"GIVE ME THE COLOR CHART! WE HAVE TO MATCH THE BREAD TO THE COLOR CHART TO MAKE SURE ITS PERFECTLY BROWNED! ANY BROWNER AND THEY'LL TAKE AWAY ALL MY STARS AND I'LL BE FORCED TO PAY FULL PRICE FOR MY TIRES!!!" >*Everyone stops what they are doing and stands in complete silence as the Chef takes a bite before somberly hanging his apron.* >"...Who the f--- buttered this? Everyone knows you do not butter a grilled cheese, you place the bread in a $25,000 humidifier until the bread becomes moist off its own hydrated yeast. You have all failed me, I have failed you. Get your knives, we must perform Seppuku before the Marco Pierre White shrine out the back. Do not look him in the eyes, for his gaze is that of shame for this kitchen."
1707968605656715.png (2.62 MB, 1088x1078) google yandex iqdb wait KE N Can ☐ Anonymous 07/23/24(Tue)15:21:42 No.201643119 >>201644245 >>201644921 >>201650243 >>201654842 >>201663771 >>201666716 Chef... table 7 has asked for another hamburger... Anonymous Anonymousv Anonymous Anonymous >>201644082 >>201644135 ☐ Anonymous 07/23/24(Tue)15:46:15 No.201644022 >>201644177 >>201644288 >>201644836 >>201647086 >>201647117 >>201650036 >>201655059 >>201657747 >>201658616 >>201660020 >>201661445 >>201661995 >>201662059 >>201664359 >>201666366 >>201666546 >>201666649 >>201666949 Anonymous 07/23/24(Tue)15:47:24 No.201644070 Normal people making a grilled cheese >Butter Bread >Add cheese >Put on frying pan and cook until golden brown >*Eat* >"Mmm, taste like childhood." Chefs making grilled cheese I've never seen such a transparent shilling campaign as this h--------, every day 50 bear threads. I'll never watch it btw, not even pirated. F--- you. Buy an ad. ✓ >>201663413 >>201663675 >>201666975 (Dead). >"THE PAN IS AT 213.67 DEGREES THE PERFECT TEMPERATURE FOR SANDWICH AU FROMAGE FONDU WHERE THE F--- IS MY BREAD?!?!" >"RIGHT HERE CHEF" >"The f--- is this? THE F--- IS THIS?!? IS THIS BREAD FROM A GROCERY STORE?!?! YOU ONLY USE BREAD MADE FROM ANCIENT GRAINS GROWN SPECIFICALLY ON THE EAST SIDE OF THE NILE RIVER IN EGYPT! GET THE F--- OUT OF MY KITCHEN! GET OUT!" >"Chef! I have your cheese prepped for you!" >"THIS IS SLICED AMERICAN CHEESE YOU F------ MORON! WHERE IS THE HIMALAYAN CHEESE MILKED FROM THE SACRED TEMPLE YAK THAT IS THE STANDARD IN ANY SELF RESPECTING KITCHEN! OUT OF MY KITCHEN NOW!" >"GIVE ME THE COLOR CHART! WE HAVE TO MATCH THE BREAD TO THE COLOR CHART TO MAKE SURE ITS PERFECTLY BROWNED! ANY BROWNER AND THEY'LL TAKE AWAY ALL MY STARS AND I'LL BE FORCED TO PAY FULL PRICE FOR MY TIRES!!!" >*Everyone stops what they are doing and stands in complete silence as the Chef takes a bite before somberly hanging his apron.* >"...Who the f--- buttered this? Everyone knows you do not butter a grilled cheese, you place the bread in a $25,000 humidifier until the bread becomes moist off its own hydrated yeast. You have all failed me, I have failed you. Get your knives, we must perform Seppuku before the Marco Pierre White shrine out the back. Do not look him in the eyes, for his gaze is that of shame for this kitchen."

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When you lack patience | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/16/24(Tue)21:10:32 No. 201357187 the mist.jpg 62 KB JPG >the car ran out of gas so I'm going to kill my son >oh well 5 minutes later the army comes to the rescue couldn't he wait a while? until they run out of food or something
: Anonymous 07/16/24(Tue)21:10:32 No. 201357187 the mist.jpg 62 KB JPG >the car ran out of gas so I'm going to kill my son >oh well 5 minutes later the army comes to the rescue couldn't he wait a while? until they run out of food or something

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Man was committed | /r/Greentext

So lets get this straight >almost dies playing vidya and has to fight his way out >gets back to reality >goes back in another one
So lets get this straight >almost dies playing vidya and has to fight his way out >gets back to reality >goes back in another one

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anon composes a poem | /r/Greentext

Anonymous /fit/ Poetry Corner 15 KB JPG 07/24/21(Sat)20:26:33 No.62728875 a poem >There once was a surgeon named Keith >Who circumcised men with his teeth >'Twas not for leisure, or sexual pleasure >But to get at the cheese underneath thank you
Anonymous /fit/ Poetry Corner 15 KB JPG 07/24/21(Sat)20:26:33 No.62728875 a poem >There once was a surgeon named Keith >Who circumcised men with his teeth >'Twas not for leisure, or sexual pleasure >But to get at the cheese underneath thank you

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