Joe Buck Turns Down $1 Million Offer To Commentate Porn

Joe Buck, the well-known play-by-play commentator of seemingly every major sporting event, has sadly turned down a reported $1 million offer to commentate online pornography.

Earlier today, noted sportswriter Darren Rovell broke the story that a "porn site" was willing to pay Buck the sum to commentate some people doin' it, and that it was also accepting applications from national and local sports announcers. (Though Rovell did not specify the porn site, one site's particular taste for good-hearted tomfoolery makes them a leading suspect).

A porn site says it will pay Joe Buck $1 million to announce its cam shows live. The site says it is also accepting applications from other national and local sports commentators.

— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) April 17, 2020

Buck, in incredibly good form, declined, but acknowledged that depending on the porn site, he might just be making some of his own money back.

Depending on the site they could just be handing some of my money back to me. So I’ll hold out for a better offer and try to hold on to my day job. But I have to say I’m flattered. https://t.co/wBgkwnHyrA

— Joe Buck (@Buck) April 17, 2020

Tip of the hat to you, Mr. Buck, for supporting sex workers.

While it seems we won't get a video of Joe Buck providing hump-by-hump commentary, Twitter nonetheless had fun imagining what exactly that might sound like.

Guy starts eating girls ass

Joe Buck: “A truly disgusting act Troy, doesn’t he know what that’s used for?” pic.twitter.com/TZAnDAVkH9

— Matthew MaCoy (@YaB0iMaCoy) April 17, 2020

Smart career move though calling certain activities “a truly disgusting act” would be gold

— Sean Hoagland (@smh810) April 17, 2020

Joe Buck:
“A truly incredible performance by Elsa Jean today, Troy. I haven’t seen a performance this fantastic since Lana Rhodes.”

— Clemont Landon (@ClemontLandon) April 17, 2020

"As he jockeys for position, I'm reminded of a 1994 game between the Red Sox and Yankees that ended in an on-field, bench-clearing brawl. I'll let my new amigo, Curt Chilling, who has a move out entitled "Chill, Baby," explain that one."
"Say what?"
Joe Buck as a porn announcer

— Moot the Lurker (@phpress) April 17, 2020

Others were horrified to discover that Joe Buck has ever been horny.

Okay y’all, I’m not a prude by any means, but I still didn’t need to see Joe Buck tweeting a joke about his most frequented porn sites. pic.twitter.com/lofsEGVoJe

— NBKay (@KateeForbis) April 17, 2020

There was never any reason to think Joe Buck doesn't jerk it but now I have that imagery in my head and my brain is a torture chamber.

— Chad Moriyama (@ChadMoriyama) April 17, 2020

Quarantine Day 40: Joe Buck is horny on main https://t.co/LePKeMvg31

— Dallas Dickinson (@DJDallyD) April 17, 2020

Regardless of how you feel about Buck, the man killed it here. Here's hoping he brings some of his wit (if not his horniness) to his day job when sports return.