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lady-of-the-spirit Villains who are in romantic relationships but abuse their partners are so goddamn boring. I want villains who are absolute bastards, absolutely villains, but who are loving and caring and attentive partners anyway. Taking over the world doesn't mean you have to treat your loved ones like s---. 1disorientedanddisabled1 *villian talking to tied up hero* "AND IN THE PROCESS, I WILL DESTROY ALL LAW AND ORDER ON OUR PLANET, AND DEVOLVE THE HUMAN RACE INTO CHAOS, KILLING MILLIONS, HAHAHAH-" "Honey, it's time for dinner" "Um babe? Il'm kind of in the middle of something" "Oh I'm sorry dear. I didn't know" "It's alright" "I'Il heat it up when your ready. I made chicken parm, your favorite" "You're a doll, Cindy. I don't know how I'm lucky enough to have you" 14,874 notes ...

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fulgur-caligo-custodis kurlyfryz Power move: Next time you go to the airport, bring a bottle of shampoo, but it's filled with yogurt. When they tell you that liquids aren't allowed Drink it Posted in r/madlads by u/ProbablyM_S reddit

lesbianshepard Jul 24 travelling next week for work. googled the nearest city and none of you are prepared to see what passes for the local style pizza. lesbianshepard Jul 24 this should be a crime lesbianshepard Jul 25 #someone needs to die for this #divorced dad type food #is the local chef a 12 year old latchkey kid? #as a new yorker im about to k J elf #abolish all prisons except one for these guys #that is a crime where I'm from #I'm anti regional food variation shaming but this is a crime man #mamma mia. #i took like a deep shuddering breath #i feel nauseous. #oh no they should be shot #literally the closest thing to anti-Italian racism the reviews are in: Pennsylvania must pay for its crimes

theaccidentfactory Follow I explained the concept of "blorbo from my shows" to my 71 year old immigrant grandfather because I referenced it in passing and I thought nothing of it, until today when he said "I think I'll watch peaky blinders tonight and see my blorbo from my shows" referring, of course, to Cillian Murphy playing Tommy Shelby theaccidentfactory English isn't his first language so he's not super in touch with modern slang, so I've been accidentally teaching him to talk like a tumblr user. His favorite thing to say lately is "me when I'm a little hater" when he's like talking s about the neighbor's son

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lesbardian my friend works for a tech service and is one of those guys you call to help you with tech issues and he walks you through them and even can like take over your computer to help and ect. anyways i will never stop thinking about how he told me everyone in his company fears west virginia like when they get a call and see its a west virgnia area code they hate answering bc thats where they get the wildest calls from. One time thousands of people were out of internet and they were all calling in to complain and he had to tell multiple people "im sorry theres some guy with a shot gun driving around and shooting out the internet boxes there is literally nothing we can do. the police are trying to catch him." and like. people wouldnt take this as an answer theyd be like well can you fix it and hes like. theres. theres a guy with a shotgun. thats a little out of our area of expertise.

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um no offense but my body's made of crushed little stars. and i'm not afraid of anything :/

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tomboy hooter,femboy hooter,gothic hooter...and this hooter

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Your username is now your superhero name. What are your powers?

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draconym Thinking about that day another park ranger and I discovered that 1. we both used the same shampoo and 2. Suave Essentials Tropical Coconut drives honeybees absolutely bugfuck wild draconym 3. He's allergic to bees ablessingofbumbles It's likely the scent! Banana scent (Isoamyl acetate) is the same scent as the aggression pheromone bees put out when they're angry. Never eat bananas near bees! Always check your lotion, sunscreen, etc bottles for banana scent or isoamyl acetate before going near bees hoovse So you're telling me that when bees get mad they start violently smelling like bananas? ablessingofbumbles Can confirm! In (hopefully) very rare cases, a large hive full of p----- off bees smells a lot like bananas! Usually there's not nearly enough of them for humans to be able to smell it, though. arra-tech WHY? bunnyqueengrace #you could say- #you could say that they go bananas @cyber-flow thank you for the funniest tags l've seen all day. Source:draconym 65,109 notes

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Your Username is How You Will Get Laid

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Tumblr - Taking over the world doesn't mean you have to treat your loved ones like s---

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lady-of-the-spirit Villains who are in romantic relationships but abuse their partners are so goddamn boring. I want villains who are absolute bastards, absolutely villains, but who are loving and caring and attentive partners anyway. Taking over the world doesn't mean you have to treat your loved ones like s---. 1disorientedanddisabled1 *villian talking to tied up hero* "AND IN THE PROCESS, I WILL DESTROY ALL LAW AND ORDER ON OUR PLANET, AND DEVOLVE THE HUMAN RACE INTO CHAOS, KILLING MILLIONS, HAHAHAH-" "Honey, it's time for dinner" "Um babe? Il'm kind of in the middle of something" "Oh I'm sorry dear. I didn't know" "It's alright" "I'Il heat it up when your ready. I made chicken parm, your favorite" "You're a doll, Cindy. I don't know how I'm lucky enough to have you" 14,874 notes ...

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