It's Been A Year Since The Grimace Shake Ran Through Our Ecosystem, So Will McDonald's Bring It Back?
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Political Compass - A week ago, I posted a compass of dialogue other people have spoken to me, gleaned from 2.2 million words of journal entries I've kept. Now, I present the inverse: things I've said to other people 9x9 wojak compass | /r/PoliticalCompassMemes
![8/17/19 12/16/14 "Vaping is a distraction and a "Stalin was an okay terrible influence on the freshmen. guy!" [The head coach] would never stand for this." Context: me and a friend went into a college Marxist club meeting and pretended 7/17/18 "Are we to forget the American overthrow of democratic administrations in Nicaragua and Cuba? Are we to rid our minds of over fifty CIA operations for the purpose of changing election results?" The world is we were super into it Context: I got my question featured on NPR's "1A" and decided to go as political as possible 4/17/15 "This game is our Stalingrad. We'll come back." Context: our lacrosse team came back from a six-point loss against a team we really hated 11/12/15 "Eliminate all student debt; warmongering capitalism is holding us back." Context: was at a protest (turned into a riot) and was interviewed by school newspaper "This is no wine - it's a Slavic abomination." 5/9/18 Context: during study abroad one of my classmates bought a Kç100 ($5) bottle of "wine" and it was the worst thing I've ever tried 7/21/14 "Ah, South Carolina - that's the state with all the racism." Context: my high school peer told me she was going to college in South Carolina 11/15/18 "Don't remove that! Never remove that! It wards off evil spirits!" Context: my roommate didn't know what a mezuzah was and he unraveled the scroll Context: my teammate who I hated was vaping and I was trying to get him kicked off the team so I snitched 2/9/17 "I was born to be a politician." Context: I was in the middle of running for student government and was feeling like hot s--- - I came in 18th place out of 18 candidates 6/8/14 "You need to stop smoking weed, for your own safety." Context: was trying to convince my stoner peer to stop because he was failing a class Context: was enamored by the Soviet history of Kyiv and talking up a kind babushka 10/6/18 "No. I will not flaunt an award I did not win." Context: my rowing team won a trophy and I wasn't in that boat but they asked me to get in the picture anyway 2/2/19 "I want to bring artistic vision to this team and craft beautiful media." Context: running for Trowing team social media chair, did get elected for the position and ran four finstas for a semester 7/8/14 "S---, I'm as wet as a middle school girl at a Justin Bieber concert." Context: very wet rowing practice; bad attempt to make a topical joke 2/25/14 "It's hard to watch everyone else do a lot better than me and still fail after trying time and time again." Context: "Я хочу видит настоящие Советский библиотека. [I want "No thanks, I don't chew." to see a real Soviet library]" was the worst player on the lacrosse team 3/12/19 "Welcome to the kinkiest two hours of your life!" 4/11/18 "I don't care about a stupid internship. I want to hold power." Context: to my rowing pair partner after we got assigned a double together 3/17/15 God indeterminable reason buttering up the doctor 2/17/22 10/7/13 6/23/13 | "I'm never going out drinking again. I've learned my lesson." "This team has my Context: I had just gotten a summer internship in law but I was still trying to be a politician 10/30/20 "You kids get off my undying loyalty. You must porch, or I'll call the understand that." cops." Supermac's Context: kissing ass to try and get more playtime Context: was getting the flu shot and for some B How man 9/25/17 4/16/23 "Vaccination is noble. "This plaza is like a Petri dish. Each person is a cell; each bond they create is a multicellular union. They all work toward the improvement of the logos and the You're doing a noble thing" perpetuation of a greater natural law. We are all citizens, we a civic duty. The existence of society should be reason enough for gratitude." Context: my high school rowing coach was trying to get me to chew tobacco Context: I was throwing a party and three inner- city urbanites crashed it but I was surprisingly cool with it 5/7/19 "One day your mom puts you down and never picks you up again. One day you say goodbye to a friend and never meet again. One day you come off the dock... and never return. That day is today." Context: just finished my last rowing practice of college 2/13/18 "I am weak! People don't change, not really. I have no tolerance for pain." Context: I was being a little bitch 12/6/18 9/18/15 "I want to reach through the glass and hug you." "Linguistic genocide is necessary and sufficient for our race's march into the future." 3/31/18 1/21/17 "I don't care who you are or where you come from I'll drink with you." Context: was very drunk coming home from a party and trying to hug the dorm security guard 3/9/20 "What separates us from meth junkies? We're not contributing anything to society. We're sitting around for 12 hours tweaking and making a mess." STATI POLICE Context: said in a panic to my friend during my very first acid trip Context: I was in a class called "politics of the English language" and my professor was super lefty and I was trying to troll her Context: my neighbors' party was so big that it spread to my porch, and I turned into a curmudgeonly old "Oh, I'm not very good at ball sports." Context: during recent acid trip, my friend said he felt like he was outside society and I went on a Stoic rant Context: puked my very first time drinking (I was 16) and vowed never to drink again (Imao) Context: my rowing teammates were trying to push me to play basketball. By complete luck I sunk a three- pointer. 8/20/22 "Don't ever grow up. It sucks." Context: was talking to a 17- year-old at work and he asked for advice Context: sharing a bottle of vodka with some Germans after walking 22 hours out of Ukraine 9/17/16 4/18/18 "Auschwitz was probably at least a little bit fun." Context: drunk, telling my roommates I was gonna climb the nearby radio tower. Found some barbed wire and did not climb. Context: I had just gone to a tough rowing camp and I thought it was the best thing in the world while everyone else was miserable 12/1/18 "Submit! Submit, damn you!" Context: was in a fight and had my elbow on his windpipe 5/15/14 "I'm going to come over there and f------ club your legs." Context: got laid out at a lacrosse practice, tore off my helmet, and shouted at the guy who did it 1/12/19 "An officer position is a privilege, to serve the team in a great way. I ask now that you grant me that privilege." Context: running for VP of my college rowing team (I lost in a landslide) 8/15/19 "No other workplace has luxury like this." Context: I worked in an office that catered lunch every day and was bragging to my mom about it 2/25/22 "Wir trinken zu Lebe und "I'm quite literally the only journalist not Freiheit! [We're drinking to getting paid to do it, and yet I continue life and freedom!]" putting myself in extreme danger for free. What's wrong with me?" N Context: I had been selected to take over an heirloom lease but I severely fumbled the bag Context: suddenly realized that I was the only journalist in East Palestine in Ukraine earlier) who wasn't getting paid, and was extremely bitter about it 9/14/18 "You didn't get the nudes! I did! She's mine!" 1/17/21 "I'm going to climb the radio tower. Yeah, I know it's illegal and I might get arrested and s---, but who "Why did we let Saturn exist? Why does NASA tolerate that evil 'planet'? It's cares! We're adventurous clearly plotting against us!" people." Context: a Tinder girl sent me nudes and my friend asked her out 10/3/14 "I hate Cleveland. If I had a chance, I'd release a chemical attack in Public Square." Context: high on acid and listening to "The Planets," thought Saturn was a space station and it would kill us all 11/16/15 "Whenever I'm cold, I think of Napoleon's Grand Armee stranded on the wintry Russian steppes and remember that my situation could be much worse." Context: I was an angsty teenager and said something I regret Context: I was outside in a t-shirt and my RA asked if I was cold. 9/1/19 "Go kill ISIS!" Context: was seeing my Marine ROTC peer for the last time before he shipped out to Basic 10/23/21 "Of course this ride's safe. Where do you think we are, an Alec Baldwin film set?" WOJOK 11/20/17 1/6/15 "I'm just trying to stop the "Look, when you're a senior, you'll be kids from taking over the trap house." just as tired of all the s--- high school's given you, and you'll turn to drugs, alcohol, and tobacco too." M Context: a visitor asked if the ride I was "At which age will you sire children?" operating at Cedar Point was safe Context: an overly- convoluted way of asking my friend when he wanted to have kids Context: I was driving a freshman home and he found swisher sweets and airplane whiskey in my glove compartment 3/9/15 "Have you ever seen footage of Hitler speak, how he puts so much anger and devotion into his cause? That's exactly my goal here." Context: Hitler was the only public speaker I knew of at that time and I really regret this one 5/9/14 Context: approaching my last month of senior year, I had big plans "We're like the Germans on D-Day." 10/14/16 9/10/16 2/27/23 "I don't always make the best decisions. I consider getting a job and settling down, but then one day I decide I'm a journalist and I go chase a war or poison cloud or some mountains." Context: a museum colleague asked why I do this journalism s--- without compensation Context: during a lacrosse game was facing twice as many opponents as we had, felt very outnumbered 1/4/20 "Until very recently in history, all men went to war. I just want to experience a modicum of what my ancestors experienced. If Iran attacks us, I vow to walk into a draft office the next day." SNUPPY 2/15/23 3/27/18 3/27/18 6/26/13 "You want me to spell 'nihilism'? Man, I am one." Context: trying to "Why are you searching me? I have a right to know." joke with the proctor during my college's spelling bee (1 won) Context: Iran Crisis 2020 10/25/17 "I am your loyal subject in remigandric pursuits." Context: I signed all my emails like this for a year in college Context: it was the worst year of my life and I was chatting up a German girl 8/26/18 "Wanna be Saul Goodman? Become a lawyer. I promise that in 10 years, you'll be making six figures and live in a mansion." Context: I was recruiting for my college's pre-law frat 3/29/19 7/4/22 "I'm not going to be sober for "You're, like, fourteen. Put the entire month of April." some clothes on and watch out for the cops." Context: biking home, I passed a bunch of naked teenagers trying to scale a fence. They invited me to join. Context: was intensely searched by German Federal Police after accidentally putting a lighter in my carryon. Was 16 and thought I had the same constitutional rights as in America. 8/23/18 9/7/21 9/10/16 5/15/18 "Three dollars for a shot. One dollar for a half shot. Two dollars for a whiff of the salts." "Ave, Caesar!" Context: was making massive margins selling alcohol to freshmen "Guten Abend, Fraulein. Willst du denn ein Snack? [Good evening, "If you give me $20 US, I'll write your paper." miss. Do you want a snack?]" Context: my Dad is super into Roman history and this is straight- up how I greet him sometimes 8/4/14 "Damn, this is going off worse than the Schlieffen Plan." Context: me and some friends were playing capture the flag and we tried to flank the other team but were stopped 11/9/21 "Churchill charged the Sudanese at Omdurman when he was 17 - I'm a failure." Context: was working a dead-end job and idealizing the past 10/7/17 "Think of your legacy! Your glory! Your children! Think of your honor, your pride! Do you hear that? Those are your men our men! We represent them. Do your duty!" "Who needs a plug?" Context: coxing an alumni boat at a regatta and saying the most heroic s--- I could muster Context: during study abroad, most of my peers partied too hard and forgot to do schoolwork, so I picked up the slack...for a fee 8/23/19 Context: shouted off my porch at passing groups of freshmen during orientation week. It was like shooting fish in a barrel. 1/25/21 "I feel fortunate to be one of the few people who profited from COVID." Context: I actually had a decent time during COVID. Improved my personal skills and made a fuckton of money. Context: was doing mushrooms with my ex and pouring out my love for him; he was concerned 11/23/17 "God, I want you to know that you command my greatest loyalty and affection." 9/14/18 "I simply want to ride out my last three months of college on the most degenerate, debauched rampage imaginable." Context: was feeling existential about the end of my college life 7/28/18 "Gratuit, Venus. Ego Vincet." Context: this is how I started my prayers for a year in college Context: to celebrate hitting five million lifetime rowing "Praise Jesus!" meters, I ceremonially cut my leg with a shard of glass while muttering in Latin 5/10/19 "For millennia, men have proven their worth by beating other men in physical endeavors. And the fact that I've never been able to do that, despite my successes in all other things, makes me feel emasculated, effeminate, and overall ashamed to be alive." Context: became self-aware of my relative physical weakness for the first time and felt really bad about it 12/7/15 Context: just got a free coffee from a church table 3/6/14 "I'm not a p----." Context: a peer at lacrosse practice called me a p---- 8/30/17 "I've found a loophole: in order to retest, you only need a witness. So if you're my witness and I'm yours, and we don't actually row the test, we can both give ourselves more amenable scores." Context: was too weak to make a rowing test standard so was trying to recruit people to cheat it with me 1/24/23 "I'm gonna be unethical; I'm gonna stockpile antibiotics." 12/26/22 1/13/18 "You're so beautiful. I love you so much. You're my L-----." Context: I don't have health insurance but the STI clinics give out free antibiotics so I go there and pretend I need testing but instead I'm stockpiling amoxicillin "F--- you, man! Goddamn c---- blocker." Context: a girl asked me to come upstairs with her at a party but my sober friend pulled us apart 7/5/21 "A hole is a hole; I close my eyes and go." Context: exactly what you think](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/002/574/650/565.jpg)
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