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![⠀ Anonymous (ID: VMADXFCK) [+] >>461130422 (OP) # 03/08/24(Fri)17:10:27 No.461130566 will his casket lowering into the ground take f------ 5 episodes? >>461130762 # >>461132185 # >>461134825 # >>461136814 # >>461142984 # >>461148773 # >>461149781 # >>461149843 # >>461150715 # >>461152091 #](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/list/002/774/314/7a1.jpeg "Anon attends Akira Toriyama's funeral")
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![File: 1353982915835.png-(123 KB, 400x334, up.png) Anonymous 11/26/12(Mon)21:21 No.43322849 [Reply] How are they supposed to take a s---? 27 posts and 6 image replies omitted. Click here to view Anonymous 11/26/12(Mon)21:46 No.43323778 Replies: 43323819 2243323894 2243323900 2243323922 One day after a gigantic meal Dog had to take a s---. While Cat was reading his monthly issue of Fish Monthly Dog suddenly looked down at Cat and said "Gee willickers Cat do I sure have to take a s---." So Dog ran in to the bathroom with Cat behind him and squated Cat's face over the toilet. With a mighty grunt a big stinky cloud of fart-smog left Cat's mouth, covering the room and causing wallpaper to peel from the wall. As Dog prepared to s--- Cat felt a big lump in his throat, much like phlegm but larger and impossible to ignore. He felt Dog's huge turd slip down his throat and in to his mouth, scraping against the back of his teeth. He had to endure this for roughly forty six minutes before the log finally left their unified bodies, coiling in the toilet below like a giant cup of softserve. The log of crap was so horribly disgusting that Winslow, who had just now walked in to the room, immediately caught scent of it and died due to his sensitive little rat nose. Dog then got off the toilet and said to Cat, "Gee cat that sure was a grumpy dumpy!" Cat couldn't respond because Cat too was dead, having suffocated at first but then losing all skin on his face from the sheer rank of the turd. Dog mourned Cat's death for a few minutes and invited the Greaser Dogs over, where they proceeded to sever Cat from his body and lay him on the floor of his house like a fine pelt carpet. Hi ho diggety Anonymous 11/26/12(Mon)21:47 No.43323819 File: 1353984474075.gif-(637 KB, 273x154, up.gif) >43323778 Anonymous 11/26/12(Mon)21:50 No.43323894 File: 1353984616484 KB, 274x265, princess peach rides m b....png) >43323778 Anonymous 11/26/12(Mon)21:50 No.43323900 File: 1353984625029.ipg-(12 KB, 307x230, Xanatos3.jpg) >43323778 l should be disgusted. But yet I'm greatly amazed at the creativity of this little story Anonymous 11/26/12(Mon)21:51 No.43323922 File: 13539846 398467725 (57 KB, 331x319, 1333576779632.jpg) >>43323778 >Hi ho diggety 7,](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/648/605/6d2.png "6d2.png")
![Anonymous 12/02/10(Thu)21:42 No.80240xxx My dad would punish me with psychological torture. Drove me nuts. Here's an example >Tell Dad to F--- Off because Im playing Super Nintendo >Dad, displeased at my French, begins to formulate his plot >Wake up the next moming >Scares the crap out of me >Go to eat breakfast >Small beanie-baby frog cornes out of box cereal What the f--- >Backpack feels heavier than usual >Check middle pocket >Filled with, like, ten frogs Am t >Look out window to daydream as I often do >Beanie baby frog on outside windowsill >Sent out to hall >Pitch black because lights off and drapes pulled >Turn on light ENTIRE F------ KITCHEN FILLED WITH BEANIE BABY FROGS WHAT THE F--- >Heavy knocks on door >Turn around >Man in frog suit pressing his face against the door >Lock the door >A single frog in the middle of the floor on top of a piece of paper >Lift up frog >Take note son. >Scared, open door for frogman >Frogman, silently, slowly walks up to me know it's you. Dad," I say >He says in a voice nothing like my father's: T-- is not, Anon." >He takes mask off sit's my Uncle >My dad comes into the house laughing like an idiot p----- myself >Dad laughs and says, "We dont say F--- in this house, boy Now who's up for McDonalds? Seriously Dad where did you get all those f------ beanie babies from Anonymous 12/02/10(Thu)21:52 No.80241XXx 260240709 80240926 There was another time when, while l was sleeping, he drove me about five miles away to where a Russian-American family he knew lived The Russian man and woman treated me like I had lived there my whole life. I was there for twelve hours before my father came to pick me up. Anonymous 12/02/10(Thu)22:00 No.80241xXxx here >Dad catches me looking at forbidden websites (read: p--- [This was when I was younger]) >l know he's going to pull something crazy because I had wisened up a bit >He just grounds me from the computer for four days Four days later, turn on >Every single image (desktop, everything's icon, the mouse cursor) was replaced by a weird-looking triceritops picture he made himself >Computer is rigged so that dinosaur roars come out of it 24/7 >He superglued a toy Triceratops to the top of my monitor It was like this for two weeks before he took it off e still has and uses that computer monitor, triceritops and all Frogdad 12/02/10(Thu)22.14 No 80242xXX >Come home from school -Decide to eat ice-cream >He comes home when I'm in the middle of my third bowl >He is dissapoint when I can't eat my dinner -The next day come home >He is standing there in the kitchen with a sterm look on his eye with the Russian man from earlier story Dad tells me to sit down >He reaches into the fridge and pulls out a container of Moose Tracks ice-cream, my favoritest ice-cream ever >He pulls out two spoons -H e gives me half a s >After giving me a taunting taste he and Mr. Russia proceed to eat the entire bucket of ice-cream in front of me, savoring every bite and making "MIMMMMMM and "OOUUAAAHHH SOO GOOODDDD" sounds >If I try to get up out of my chair my dad would tell me to sit back down -lf I tried to close my eyes or look away my dad would stick his fingers in my sides, which I f------ hated >They force me to watch him and Mr. Russia eat an entire bucket of my favorite ice-cream >After finishing the dessert, he gives Mr. Russia a friendly beer and sends him on his way, and then asks what I want for dinner Frogdad 12/02/10(Thu)22 24 No.80243XXX >Make That's What She Said!" joke to my dad >He is disgusted by that form of humor >Two days pass -Find my closet empty but for one shirt A Turtieneck sweater >He got one of his tech buddies to rig a small microphone up to i sit records my voice and after one second of me talking, it emits a "That's What She Said!" >Have to wear it for a day to school I couldnt tell whether to be angry at or impressed by my dad. Eg Frogdad 12/02/10(Thu)2240 № 80244XXX >Get in trouble at school for putting gum undemeath a desk just know my dad is going to pull some crazy s--- >Two weeks pass from the incident >Wake up one moming of putty stuck on the c pg single wad -it >Every night another wad of putty is stuck on the ceiling >This continues for one week >Dawn of the Eigth Day: There is a full circle of about fifteen wads on the ceiling >What the f--- -Dawn of the Ninth Day: Smaller putties spell out "UNDER BED" >Oh god I know it's you dad, Im not scared, I'm not scared >Look under bed >A tiny little man made out of putty >Dawn of the Tenth Day: Smaller putties spell out "IN DRAWER" >Another tiny little man made out of putty >Dawn of the Eleventh Day. Putties form an arrow pointing to the window >Since it was a school day it was about 5:30 in the morming and very dark t see s--- c cant -Flashlight comes on REVEALING A GIANT MAN MADE OF PUTTY OH GOD FREAKY AS F--- MASK OH GOD >Dad runs in, What, What?17 >MAN MADE OF PUTTY, DAD...wait, Dad? That isnt you? >Dad tells me to stay the f--- inside >He runs outside He and the Putty Man beat the s--- out of eachother >Fight travels to neighbor's yard behind hedge >Dad gestures for me to come out of the house walk over to dead putty man >Dad prepares to take off mask NOBODY UNDER MASK >Russian Man steps out of nearby bushes holding a portable radio playing the Twilight Zone theme >Dad tells me not to chew gum in school >We walk back home and they tell me about how hard they worked on this one I think that this one wins. Cant believe I forgot it](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/645/474/4bd.jpg "4bd.jpg")
![g ■ Anonymous 11/24/12/(Sat)21:54:29 UTC+11 No.6875089 [r] Replies: 226875108 . 6875110 >68751206875124687512668751286875130687513368751446875160 3-6875179 I always grab my d--- when an earthquake happened. Then, my hand automatically strokes d--- l feel as if I have sex with the earth. The fear fades away. □ Anonymous國1124/12/(Sat)21:56:02 UTC+11 No.6875108 [r] File: 1353754562179 ipg-(58 KB, 471x354, 1348983077892 jpg) GI 6875089 □ Anonymous 11/24/12/(Sat)21:56:22 UTC+11 No.6875110 [r] File: 1353754582187 ipg-(56 KB, 344x505, 85343445.jpg) GD 6875089 □ Anonymous 11/24/12/(Sat)21:57:21 UTC+ 11 No.6875120 [r] File: 1353754641410 png-(149 KB, 218x265, 1349449078416.png) GD 6875089](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/645/129/bf2.jpg "bf2.jpg")
![E File 3813769 (31 KB, 399x262, Denver_Police.jpg) Anonymous 10/09/13(Wed)23:48:24 UTC-4 No. 510169963 [Reply] Denver Police Headquarters Police Administration Building 1331 Cherokee Street Denver, CO 80204-4507 Information Desk (720) 913-6010 Phone: (720) 913-2000 Complain that we never got our pizza we ordered 40 minutes ago. Post results 5 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click here to view □ Anonymous 10/10/13(Thu)00:02:54 UTC-4 No. 510172246 Replies: 225101724832251017256 >"Denver police stat-" "MELONSI >"Sir, stop calling. we arent a dominos >"Piff, who was asking for pizza? Girl put your t------ in my hand, and we'll fly off to Neverland!" >T'm going to have your call traced > with like a pencil or something?" click 2 □ Anonymous 10/10/13(Thu)00:04:39 UTC-4 No.510172483 510172246 with like a pencil or something? amazing □ Anonymous 10/10/13(Thu)00:05:17 UTC-4 No.510172569 >> 510172246 >with like a pencil or something lel](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/644/919/6f1.png "6f1.png")
![Journey with me into madness. Anonymous Tue Feb 26 15:53:14 2013 No. 12094496 [Replyl [Original] Quoted by: >>12095764 enoyinig You wake up in a strange place. As your eyes adjust you can see it's a basement, and you're bound with some type of yellow rubberbands. That's when he enters Fully arpped in pcrmaeent rubher roge ind fully telitiznd It's too dark to make out his features but he incessantly mumbles to you about deli meats. "Soon you will be fully and forevially delitized. Permanently ham and cheese tongue permanent bologna body, forever tied up and loving it." He force feeds you old ham smeared with cream c s overpowering leaves you search for a way to escape. The disgusting flavor lingers on your tongue, which has begun to swell, probably because the ham was rancid. As you're The mome tied up the most you can do is hop around. Making it up the stairs to the ground floor you emerge into the ruins of the city you once knew. The sky is overcast, in the distance you see others like yourself bound in yellow rubberbands, hopping about aimlessly A panicked man bursts from an alley. You move towards him seeking help, but feel a sudden inexplicable urge to lick him with your now monstrously bloated tongue. He shrieks and runs away. That's when you catch a glimpse of your reflection in the cracked window of a storefront. Permanently, fully delitized you, full ham and cheese tongue, permanent bologna body, forever tied up and loving it □ Anonymous Tue Feb 26 15:56:33 2013 No.12094510 File: 177 KB, 762x1048, fullydelitized2 jpg View same] [google] Report] You hop aimlessly for days, the only time you feel alive is when an uninfected survivor is near. The urge to lick them with your thick bloated ham and cheese tongue is overpowering Once the clouds clear, the summer sun beats down on you and the others. The hot putrid taste of ham, cream cheese and bologna in your mouth festers, a stench you cannot escape from. This is full delitization. Soon the sun begins to bake your outer skin. It's transformation into bologna is complete and exposure to strong sunlight makes it firm and crispy Anonymous Tue Feb 26 15:59:33 2013 No. 12094520 File: 141 KB, 774x1032, fullydelitized3 jpg View same] [google] Report] You witness other things like you hopping after survivors. The gunshots do nothing to their ham, cream cheese and bologna bodies. Some have bites taken out of them by stray dogs, which promptly die. It is a plague consuming the planet. A o min intelligent and prosperous people, their organs transformed to deli meats, their swollen ham and cheese tongues flopping about umans. And each one of them, forever tied u st survivin nd loving it 3 KB, 766x1043, fullydelitized4 jpg [View same] [google] [Report] bologn your own. All you can focus on is fully delitizin gir. Y ou hop over an e body, permanent bologna tongue, fully and forevially tied up and loving it. She wails as you take The vellow rubber r bloated ham, ou cant exhale with ome from your own body a her face with k of ham, bologn permane ms bologn macry cream che "Forever, you will be force fee part in wrapping her in llow rubber s ing am, bologna strugg 3 No.12094554 KB, 783x1 5 jpg Miew same] [googlel Report] ou don't fee r layer of skin is now roasted bologna. Cream c sweat ooZ om your pores. As you chase down a human you become t rapped in doorway. The more you try to force your air while you rub against the doorway to remove the last scraps of your old baked skin. You try to imagine what's become of your fully and permanently delitized body inside the yellow ropes that bind you. Yet, knowing that you're forever tied up and fully delitized, you love it e more your crispy, dead bologna skin t raw bologna ing ou □ Anonymous Tue Feb 26 16:09:13 2013 No.12094564 File: 143 KB, 762x1048, fullydelitized6 .jpg View same] [google] [Report] Over time, the gunshots become less frequent. One by one the last few stragglers are bound up in the yellow rubber rope, force fed ham, bologna and creamchese and then left to complete thein delitization. You see people you once knew hopping about, permanently tied up in yellow rope, their ham, cream cheese and bologna bodies fully delitized, their ham and cheese tongues swollen and hanging out of their mouths, forever tied up and loving it □ Anonymous Tue Feb 26 16:14:54 2013 No.12094582 File: 100 KB, 776x1030, fullydelitized7. jpg View same] [google] [Report] Quoted by 260 rd gunshots in years. But it's hard to remember with your delitized bologna brain. Your outer skin has finally finished molting. Outsi decaying wreckage of a civilization you've ited only by full d forevially delitized crowds, permanently tied up and loving it. The time comes to leave the city merges with ese an bologna stink mixes with theirs. An endless sea of hoppers, permanently tied up and loving it, forevially and fully delitized. All cities are like yours, picked clean, every last soul forever tied up and fully delitized. All of god's creatures must be delitized On your migration through the south you glimpse a small child, filthy and malnourished, cowering in a storm drain. You screech to the others and they converge on the spot. He's crying. He doesn't et know e skin, bologna body, forever tied up in the yellow rubber rope and loving it. Fully, permanently delitized ation. Soon, hanm](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/644/265/878.jpg "878.jpg")
![I followed after Gorg, and we journeyed far south. Here, the gods we served had different names than the one's we were accustomed to, but the God of War was still the God of War. We chased after rumors o and I learned the useful trick of shifting a person's desir o the desire t Il him everything they Ceret was indeed a demigod, and she had the dreadful ability to never miss with her bow. After observing her devastate a group of bandits while standing on a distant mountain, org decided it would be best to try and befriend the woman. I was somewhat surprised, since Qorg was the last person I had ever thought would try to avoid a battle, but as we melded into the group of warrior-priests, I realized these people were just the kind that Qorg liked best Ater meeting with Ceret, I found her to be rather amiable, and Oorg was practically smitten with her. She was bold and beautiful (like most divine beings were), and could fire four arrows from her bow and strike the h coming from each of the four directions. Utterly devoted to the God We ron It was an odd time, because l n, and Oorg w ill nursing the wound of losing to his rival i than willing to give him some timg to sof a simply emigod who served the God of Nature, who h a disastro Ceret's arrows turned to ash as they neared him, and org was stubbomly trying to hide his divinity. I the end, I rode forth, my pride far exceeding my Awakening in the Halls of the Immortals, I realized it had been many centuries since I had returned there I felt compelled to wander the pristine halls, and only once I had reached the Gardens of Desire that I realized why the urge to wande r had overcome me Anonymous 01/05/13(Sat)20 49 No 22420616 The God of Desire did not want to approach me, he wanted me to approach him. Though he was a than that between a king and a rat that dwelt within the sewers. My God wanted to know how I had promoted desire throughout the land, and I could only answer that I had prevented people from reaching I was offered a few bits of advice, mostly that denying people satisfaction for too long would simply kill their desire, but also that providing satisfaction would prevent their desires from growing too strong. Too strong desires, he warned, led to people's ruin far more than anything else. I thanked my god, then was left to wonder just how much the God of Desire knew about my own desires. When I returned to the mortal world, I decided it was best to leave Qorg to himself and to spend some time with Handelhan. Mostly, it was because I really couldn't just return from the dead without blowing Gorg's whole attempt at poorly pretending to be a monal, but also because Handelhan had been spending Anonymous 0105/13(Sat)20:50 No.22420633 He asked me to help twist the desires of several people within his library and academy, and also allowed me to observe some of his experiments. Some of these were performed on himself, as he was trying to find a way to remove only a portion of a person's dvinity rather than all of it, partially so that he could potentially transfer Brask's weapon skills to Qorg. A more pressing goal for him was his attempts at increasing the longevity of mortals. While working amongst the researchers, I found out that Handelhan had actually managed to get himself a mortal wife a decade ago. When I asked Handelhan about this, he said that I should understand how powerful desires be, and he had fallen in love with a researcher after reading her mind and becoming hopelessly enamo The fact that she was quite beautiful might hare also played a part. Though she was still rather young, it would be only a few decades before her lifespan was over, and ndelhan would not permit something li Anonymous 01/05/13(Sat)20:51 No.22420646 captured demigods left, Handelhan lling to give a his dmn s facing were quite high. He had to not only successfully split his dvinit successfully transfer it to a mortal, something we weren't even certain was possible. In theory, there was a chance it would work, but there were so many complicatians that could occur that I was very reluctant o try before we were certain t we were doin n was workin with his wife not becoming any younger. Aer ssisting him in his experiments, he asked me to help either Pleth or Gorg capture a demigod as soon as possible, in order to try and transfer their power to his wife. As I left to join up with Pleth, he mentioned casually that he'd prefer it if the demigod was a servant of Desire Pleth and the cuit of the One-eyed Tree were constructing a rather grand temple when I met up with him. After telling him about Handelhan's wife, which Pleth referred to as Handelhan's folly, Itried my best to persuade him to help Handelhan in his endeavor. Though Pleth argued that a mortal's death was as natural as their life, and that granting one divinity would go against nature, I bullied him by saying that we all owed Handelhan for his many years of hard work Anonymous 0105 13(Sat]20.51 No.22420655 Ater adorning ourseves in the garments of pilgrims, we left the construction of the temple in the hands of a young but brilliant architect, who promised to finish it within thirty years. With swarms of bloodthirsty birds and beasts surrounding the temple as its guardians, we journeyed off to meet with Qorg. We listened to rumors along the way, with an ear out for anything that might lead us to a demigad of desire. After hearing our fill af bawdy tales, I concluded that unless every second brathel really did contain we to our questianing Oorg was in a much better state than when I last left him. Though he had not managed to kill the fire-controlling demigod, my suicide rush had provided Ceret's followers a moment of reprieve from the flames, allowing them to escape. It had also provided Qorg and Ceret something to mourn together though Qorg apolagized for shedding crocodile tears in my name. Either way, he had grown quite close to Ceret, though she likely was starting to suspect his divinity 01/05/13(Sat)20:52 No 22420675 After reintroducing myself to Ceret as my old self's younger brother, she had enough tact to go alang wit it. Pleth immediately confessed his love for her, which lead Corg to shatter the clay jug he was drinking from, but Ceret promptly recognized the joke for what it was Qorg listened intently when I told him of Handelhan's plight, and he too began to call it Handelhan's folly He said it would upset all our plans, and might even end up resulting in some terrible catastrophe. Even so, he agreed to help, and parted ways wth Ceret's company To our surprise, it wasn't long before Handelhan himself joined up with us, and the four of us couldn't help but celebrate our reunion loudly within the nearest towwn. As we recovered the next day, Handelhan explained his plan to us, which I didnt like from the very start but withheld my comments until he had In order to capture a demigod of Desire, he wanted me to spur desire within the land, forcing it into the minds and lives of everyone. He wanted the worship of Desire to grow until it wild and in the open, and when demigods of desire would emerge proudly. He also wanted it done quickly I was about to ask how exactly he proposed for me to do this, but he already had an answer prepared. My task, he explained, would be to convince people that they could satisfy their yearning for love with s Anonymous 01.05/13(Sat)20:54 No.22420696 ite sure whether I wanted to argue quite certain his p but also explained that there naturally needed to be some opposition. He wanted me to spare the followers of the One-eyed Tree, and they would serve as a gathering ground for the dissenters With Pleth guiding his followers, and Qorg protecting me as I rode throughout the villages and tons, Handelhan would lay down a network to gather information about the progress of desire and any potential demigods It was an odd plan, but both Pleth and Qorg were cunious to see what would happen. With a decade as our time limit, they felt it was worth spending that short period of time indulging in Handelhan's plan, and if it failed, Handelhan could only blame himself So, I began my ride throughout the first town, clad in a cloak of red Pleth assured me that there were none of his followers within that tow, so l used my power on anyone I came near. There were no immediate effects, and when I rode out that night, I left the town without seeing any of my power at work In the next town, clad in a cloak of green, I began my work again. tt was odd work, because I wasn't ure nvince peop s the proof of love, and to obtain sex was the same as obtaining love, but what any of that would do to further Handelhan's plan was anyone's guess. Anonymous 01.05/13(Sat) 20:58 No.22420764 In the sixth town, while wearing a cloak of blue, Ibegan to hear rumors. Likely, it was because I was lis tening for these kind of rumors, but the housewives who stood at the street comers seemed to have I rode throughout the country, Qorg and chaos following in my wake, and by the end of the first year Handelhan said that he had some encouraging information to offer In the part of the country I had riddern d and brothels had made enormous profits people were h it all meant, he simply said to continue what I was the r And so, I rode, never spending more than a few days in each town I visited. I used my power on beggars soldiers, bakers, knights, lords, merchants, milkmaids, poets and schola n anyone u what was](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/list/000/822/154/52b.png "3/7")
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