"Long ago on a distant internet, I Aku, jimmy-rustling dong expander of dongness, unleashed an unspeakable dong! But a foolish primate wielding an magic dong stepped forth to oppose."

"Before the final dong was expanded, I tore open a portal in time, and flung him into the future where my dong is law! Now the fool seeks to return to the past, and unexpand the dong that is Aku!"

Goddamit, you beat me to it!

Here's you upvote anyway.