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□ Anonymous 06/22/1am 15:23 No19582796 Right now I am sightly amused and helhstly thaekfil Amused because it was a long time since I have had sach a satisfaction seeing somebody mentaly defeated, and thankful because... well, I will tel you later Introduction frst. I am yor average fatguy that for a long time had no chance to play tabletops. I've made a mistake of teling about this an acquaintance of mine that plays computer games a lot, and- apparentiy- wanted to try pen&papers. He said that he could be a GM, and that the cely thing I should do was to find a party Wel, I lve in a big city and even though RPGs are not so popular in my country, I managed to End some people. An old friend Mattherw) that brought his guifriend along Joan), and this old crush of mine (Anme) that-I was shocked-eagerty agreed to pla with us There was one term though-she wanted ber fnend to come and play too, Since he apparently knew a lot about tabletops and agreed to hep DM wth making the story ra And he is the main hero of this story We started playing a few weeks ago, and as soon as be tumed up it trned out that he have at least seen or met every single one of us before. He appeared to be This Guy incaenate-I don't know if there is ach more to say. Helpbd, joyfil, and so on. Helishly charismatic, aed huge-noat, uge-he made friends with every one of us. Even Iwas lad be plays with us we created a team I guess this邰a good adr ce for a the eams play ng th a res DM take one paladin so that he could help he DM keep he party together and story rolng one clenc and one dnud so that you would be able to face anything (and win) a newbie GM codd throw at you. Peter played palacn Mathew got clerc and Joan was dnad-I picked a rogue and Anne took wizard □ Anonymous 06/22/12(Fri) 1528 No.19582860 It was the worst. Adventure. Ever. Imean, Ihave played with DMs that din't know bow to throw dices, but thus one somehow managed to commt not only all those intating, basic mustakes, but also much, much more At the very begning weve defeated a powerul necromancer that made the whole cty hide behind its walls", only to be nearly defeated by five goblrs (aces weren't on our sde) a few moments later. Soon it barned out that the plot was heavly ratlroaded, and all those maeneisms taken from vidya games became apparent. I we wacted to tak to somebody from outside the plot the DM sid bh, h---- is not at homel, if we wanted to go to west instead of south we heard "but there is nothing therel Why would you go there? Your characters, knowing that there is no sense in going there, turn south and I guess we should have got the message at the begrring Joan found a set of leather armorr that tuned out to be nhabited by a ghost The ghost completely controled the amour it was within, so Joan got under its conhrol as soon as she put it on As it turned out later, the ghost was supposed to keep us on rails, and "make sure we never do anothing bad-bt at the same time we got a cear message that this ghost was a F----- PERVERT and was about to enjoy every second of controling Joan (YEAH, A FRIGGN LEATHER ARMOURI) in exchange for its services Luckily, Peter managed to coemnce the DM that he wil take this role as a paladn, and that the ghost is necessary Joan apparently wasn't happy about giving her character to GM (after Erst ten f----- minutes of game), s◇ he reluctarty agreed It was 4bnous thes armour was his fetish fuel, but wel, we decided to carry on. It smply would t be tace to break first-tme-GM sesson 06/22 120Fn 15.33 □ Anonymous 06/22/12(Fri) 15:33 No.19582906 For some time we somehow managed to get along Every evening Peter staged with Bart (GM, don't think I've mentioned the naene earker) after we leit and tried to advise him There were no visible effects (Peter later told me that Bart mostly kept on nodding without sayng anytng) of bis hep. We kept on nuzcing into examples of standard newbie, bad GM-and more. Stil one-dmensional cardboard-cut-out characters weren't so bad when we got used to them, absurd story was painfil but not unbearable. That is not to say we've had fin Peter was trying to help the DM do anytng reasonable but Bart istened him-and then done completely different thuirg I've received signals from Matthew and Jon that they thought about resigring, Anne wasnt too happy either When finaly one evenng Peter hesitantily taked to Bart in front of us about this, the kid got mad He wan't screaming, but blurting out phrases about "Whos the GM7 I am the GMI IF you don't like it you may quit in a hgh-pitched voice is not how you discuss things. Peter apologized and we've met neat week e meeting when Matthew broke down GM introduced fumes 06/2212Fn)15:38 ぬ19582900 □ Anonymous 06/201 2(Fn) 1 5 38 No19582960 Basically- there was a FUCKHUEAG daemon lord in a castle, biding behind his army of undeads (yeah, not daemons, undeads). As the GM told us in order to defeat hum we needed firries help There were catike oes, lizardike ones, dogike coes... there were "a mystenious race that decided to act seeing how humanity is unable to deal with its e, and was basicaly superior in every way We stil had to kill gobins for them because they were apparent y to powerful for them to care about Yeah these a gots were screan gjoy y when we entered te r encampments with test go n heads, but they were 0-80 superior. Because of some f----- up lore, they were resistact to all attacks "not designed especialy to destroy al thst is good I did never liked frries but managed to deal with it Peter was simply smilng and occasionaly nodding encouraging I dont know about the girls-but Matthew raged We were supposed to ask a daemca prince for hep with breaking into the castle. Yeah, furnes were too elegant to deal with daemons, so we had to ask another daemon for hep. Don't ask me how that was supposed to work Matthew had other plans though-powered bタhis hate of firnes e gathered e thousand peasants and constructed a peasant ra gan Then-fired t at the castle Bart handled it the worst possible way 06/22/12(Fn) 15:43 No.19583025 □ Anonymous 06/22/1 2dFri) 1543 No.19583022 Oh yes, great idea. The radgun fired, oh yesl But unluckily, it was not powerfiul enough to destroy the gates. Sorry h, and you see those skeletons in the castle? How did you know they were planning to do exactly Yeah He srodaced the peasact railguns into enemy's army And their first shot deat 3d100 damage to Mathew's character Then, the GM saggested Marthew could rol another char-this tine one of those furries. They had some horfuckinofying modiiers, and EPP lower than zero Matthew did not appear at the neat session His grtnend d but was her last one after another of DM's dickeries. Just read about what ths retard did Basically he decided that the daemon prince is bored and wil belp us if we manage to brighten his day And be had one, great ideal Without asking anybody about anything he cast one spel at Peter's paladán, and changed his gender And then? And then be gave us a long and davorsome description of how the daemon r---- the rule63rd paladn, and how did hel she enjoged it. Peter tried to rol for spell resistance, and even though he got 19 and 17 he was unable to resist neither body change, nor mind control Description took something like half an hour Somewhere in the middle, the druidess joined in, and there t was- bestiaityldaemonule63mind control WHAT THE F--- threesome. Afterwards it tumed out that the paladin is now lawfil evl (and so is druidess)-since he/she enjoyed it Goodbye paladin powersl I thirk it was then when Peter decided that Bart is beyond retrbution Or maybe he simply got mad □ Anonymous 06/22/12(Fn) 15:50 No.19583098 221958306 Oh, but this is not the enáng. At the beginning of nesdt (and last) one Peter had his and Joan's character card, and I took Matthew's. I was really surpeised to see Anne turn up again, but I thought it was thanks to Peter's influence. This last session was held in Peter's house and GM bitched that be had to carry his laptop there (what? Peter deci ed hat since he was no evil s me to become Blackguard So he dd Sice he had 12 levels n paladn, he swapped ten ofthem to become a level 10 Blackguard at once. I would be womed about his skll in role-plaging r63'd falen paladin if I didn't know about him being a thespian. Addibonaly, his character had a lot of ranks in Smithing He was gathering arowheads for quite a time, altogether with leather straps A long time ago, he also asked some randomly-met mage shopkeeper for an item that "has a hole in the midde and burns around eatremely fast He created a chansword. GM was chomping on piza we paid for, and apparently he felt generous, because he alowedt into the game. He alowed a m----------- chainsword rto fantasy realm ㅁ Anonymous 06/22/12(Fn)1 555 No 1958 314 3 My rogue was crossbow specialist. Since Bart thought I am his bestest rend around the table, the gft from daemon prince was a bucket of MAGICALPOWERFULLOLMYPENIS bohs, that were supposed to be capable ofklingaything, including gods. Nobody else, sare from me, would be able to use it, right? Of course, at the end of previous session be made me promise OOC that I won't give them to anybody But Peter and me had an agreement. I simply had enough I wanted an honorable way out, and having may character killed seemed like a somehow reasonable decision So I asked Peter to kill my character It turned out that the castle gates were saddenly opened and great batle (both sides were using peasant railgunal What the f---) was waged Peter smitten good the hel out of me, using coup da grace. Then he stole my bolts and ran away together with the deuidess (since they were both evi and his characters now). Game Master shouted "WHAT and "YOU CAN TI", but since it was my character I managed to convince hum that that's how the RPG works. I stayed in the room though, wondering about what was about to happen Peter and druidess made a run for it, escaping from the battdlebield for a moment. GM was too bewildered to do anything reasonable, and that gave Peter enough time to act He took more leather scraps, and stitched them together. Then, he took those bots of mne and ripped their beads off Then, be put them into this leather strap Then he took his chainsword and swapped those straps. Chansword capable of kling gods in D&D? Yay Bart apparently decided that he's goma to play-well, defeat him- uing the rules. Luckly, from here on we threw aces at the midde of the table, so it was impossible to cheat with mmbers Anoymous 06/22/12Fr)1600 No 19583194 Fuckload of skeletons appeared, the furies were loing, Bart kept on repeating and that's your fault. Yeah. As if somebody cared Peter had the dradessishifter change into a centar Then, he gave her bis former sword that had bonuses aganst undead And shueld that booste d strenght He summoned his Gendish bat, and his undead comparoon. The last one got my magical spear. He and hus skeleton mounted the centur. Thus was the most epic cavalry charge I've ever seen. They dica't stop, they kept onring forward, mowing down skeletoas and zombies of extremely powerful creatures. Modiers from the bolts appbed to Peter's chainsword, and thus e was capable of kiling pretty much anything in cae turn. Since he had cleave feat, the centauress held an awesome sword, the bat helped wth shootersl mages, and the skeleton sometimes did ht something they were a bot of death movng through the battlefield Bart suddenly reaized that they are actually about to defeat the daemon prince. So somebody was going to folow his plotl Reastance got lghter, and they managed to get to this facker Thus wasn't a good battle It was raikroaded battle. Nothing to speak of-Peter's character ended up with 1 HP But Peter kept on smilna 06/22/12Fr)1605 □ Anonymous 06/22/12(Fn) 16:05 No19583243 The furnes leader- and all the commanders-turned up to congratulate him on what be did I saspect, Bart stl was plannng on escecuting Peter's char a few moments later, but things turned out differently He used lag-on-hands to heal himsef and his minions Druidess healed hersef Then turned into centaur Peter had his character mount the centauress and charged, screanng "Tr IS ALL MINE NOW, THE WHOLE wORLD IS MINE"!" Never before bave I beard sach a powerful scream of pure, undluted rage NO, NO, NOI YOU CANNOT" MG remembered something THEY ARE RESISTANTI THEY ARE ALL RESISTANT TO YOUR ATTACKI TOUVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE LORE (If you don'r know what is be talking about, check 319582960 Peter shook his head Sute good There was a moment of silence, and then Bart stormed out of the room I wsssed-no shouting,norgng Peter frished his tea, and nodded Shame, actaly Well, I hope he understood something Lady Avermm(that was the name of his now-wonan character) sonehow managed to take control over the remains of the undead and led them to victoey against miserable morptfolk Soon, rnors of her cruet and hedonustic rule spread all over the Forgotten Realms. But this was not the end of the story, no. Somewhere in the forest they were stil two pecple organiing rebels, not wiling to become one of Lady Avemn undead servants. A wizard and cleric, all that remained of former, donous party of adventurers. up "Well now I ㆋ folow him and apologize, we shouldn't go to hard on n. Then he looked at me and Anne then I am about to gomst t y dearheart, so you two cit stay here Just try not to stan And then he let Leaning me and Ame alone in his home Praise him tg. I wil

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