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Star Trek - The Particular Moment You Understand What the Word "F---" Is For

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lyrangalin Follow Random Headeanon: That Federation vessels in STar Tek seem t experience bizarre malfunctions with such overwhelming frequency isn't just an artefact of the television serial format. Rather, t's because the Federation as a cubure are a bunch of deranged hyper-neophies, tocing around in ships packed ful of beyond-cuting-edge tech they don' realy understand. Endlessly frustrating r you have to tight them because they pull an efedey unimited number of bulishit space-magic countermeasures out of their arses theyre as ukety as not to gwe remseves a lethai heanensional wedge n the process. All hose rampant holograms and warp core marunctions and ncidents? That doesnt actuaily happen to anyone else ts iterally just Federation vessels that go off the rais ike that And they do so on a farty reguiar bass So to everyone ese in the galaxy, all humans are basically Doc Brown Alens who have seen the Back to me Future movies iteraly dont realise tha Doc Brown is meant to be funny. They'te just ike yes, that is exacty what a human scientists are lke in my experience roachpatrol THE ONLY REASON SCOTTY IS CHEF ENGINEER INSTEAD OF SOMEONE FROM A SPECIES WITH A HIGHER TECHNOLOGICAL APTITUDE IS BECALUSE EVERYONE FROM THOSE SPECIES TOOK ONE LOOK AT THE ENTERPRISES ENGINE ROOM AND RAN AWAY SCREAMING vucan science academy: why do you need another warp core humans: we'Te going to plug two of them together and see if we go twice as vsa ast time we gave you a warp core you threw it into a would go twice as tast n to see if the sun humans did tho humans exploded twice as fast l love this.Especialy because of how well it plays with my headcanon that the Federation does so much better against the Borg than anyone else because beaning the Borg wh manary tactics is nigh-impossible, but beating them with wacky superscience shenanigans works as long as theyTe unique wacky Yeah, I love this Reminds me of the thing I weote a while back about Humans in high fantasy realms- they'Te basically Team F--- It Hoid My Beer I Got This impulsive, passionate to a Sul, the social structures they busd to try and regulate this hotheadedness ronicaly creates even greater levels of sheer All their great heroes of the past were impossibly rash by galactic standards Humans Just Go wh it, which is heir great aw but also ther greatest strength vulcan scence academy get what kingons you vulcans are a bunch of stuty prisses but you're abso bougher stronger, and smarner than Pumans in every single way ingons ny do you iet them run your federation vulcan scence academy a species where you give them, two warp cores they dont do expeniments on one and save the other for if the first one up ucan science academy ris is a species where if you give them two warp cores, they will ask for a third one, immediately plug al three into each other, punch a hole into an aternabe universe where humans subscribe to an even more destructive ideological system, nght everyonhe in t because theyre ofended by that, steal ther warp cores, plug those together, punch ther way back here, then try to turn a nearby sun into a torus because that was what heir intial scientific experiment was for and they didnt want to waste a trip vulcan scence academy they did that last week we have the wrte-up right here. ts geting puished in about sie hundred scientiic journals across two hundred dferent disciplines because of how many established theories their idculous ittle expedition has just called into question, abo, they did turn that sun into a torus, arg no one actualy knows now. wny we et them do Whatever the nel they vulcan scence academy this want ingonscan we be a part of your federation Come to think of t, I mean Look at the frst human warp drive thing in the movie. That was... Not how Vulcans wouild have done t you know what the best evidence for this i8? Deep Space 9 almost never broke down. minor amost none of the bruly weird s--- that befell Voyager and all the starships Enterprise what was the weedest mafunction DS9 ever hag? the senior stat geting trapped as holosuite characters in our Man Bashe, and that was because a numan decided to just dump the transporter buffer into the station's core memory and hope everything would work out somehow which is a bit ike swapping your computer's hard drive out for a memory card from a PlayStation 2 and expecting to be able to play a game of Spyro the Dragon with your that inritated O Brien to hel and back, sure, you know what, I'm not done with this post. let's talk about the Pegasus the USS F------ Pegasus, testbed for the frst Starfleet cloaking device here we have a handlul of humans working in secret to develop a cloaking device in violation of a treaty with the Romul they're playing catchup trying to develop a technology other species have had for a century and what do they do? do they decide to dugacate a Roman coakng device precisely just see hey can match what other species have? nope they decide, hey whle were atit. whie were bulding our very frsrore ofthese thngs, just to fir d out f this s possible, lets see we can make this ning phase us out ofnomal space so we can fy through planets while we're inwisible but why said the one ican in the room because hat would f------ nuie said the humans, high-tving each other and slamming cans of 24m-century Red But here must be ike twenty dterent counseling groups for non-human engineering students at Starfeet Academy and every week in every singie one ofmem someone was wd starts up wm assory lke"our齢sign ent was to repar a phaser emitter and my one human classmate buit a chronometic f-- toaster that toasts bread after you've eaten t MacGuyver" is the equivalent of Vulcan vintage human hormor television during orientation at a human colege, vulcans are presemed with a list of what is the word Tuck' for," the innocent young vulcans want to know "surety here are more logical intensity modners yeah, you'd think so. say the weary jaded vulcan protessors youd realy there is a phiase in vulcan for the partcular moment you understand what word tick、isfor This is why the Federation the only organisation to ever stand a chance The Borg can adapt to the briliant maitary strategies of the Romulan Star Empre、the Kangons and even the cold Kgal intelectual prowess of the The Borg werent prepared for a starshやcaptain to lure them into his 50% or dedective holo-novel and then machine gun them to death with a weapon made of hard light

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DefinitelyNotADog

DefinitelyNotADog

Oct 20, 2016 at 06:14PM EDT

Having not seen any Star Trek, I still know about the stereotype of humans in Sci-Fi as being whacky and incredibly unpredictable. It's actually a really positive way of looking at humans, too. If you think about it, that's how we are now. When Russia sent it's first probe into space, humanity's first probe at that, the US was just like, "Fuck it, we're going to the MOON." And nobody questioned it. Heck, today, our best method of finding out what smaller things are inside of slightly less-smaller things is by SMASHING THE TWO SMALL THINGS TOGETHER AT NEAR-LIGHT SPEED AND HOPING IT DOESN'T FORM A BLACK HOLE.

Nothing has changed.

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Orange Circle

Orange Circle

Oct 21, 2016 at 05:02PM EDT

"Well, sir, we have room in the budget for another bank of phasers or a third failsafe on the warp core."

"So, what you're telling me is that if we go down to just one failsafe on the warp core, we can have two more banks of phasers?"

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