Greentext Stories - Images

Sorted By:

Unga Bunga

File: 134786 (58 KB, 470x300, caveman.jpg) 器□ Anonymous (ID: yrOWUlp) 09/17/12(Mon)03:08:55 No.425628783 >wake up >me go stone market, want buy new stones >see hot ungabungas in stonemarket stry speak ungabunga >mammoth meat fall out loin cloth >me run back cave, cry me eyes out >berrypicker as f--- Anonymous (ID: yrOvVUlp) 09/17/12(Mon)03:15:51 No.425629652 Replies: 425630183 File (11 KB, 177x177, caveman1.jpg) >hide near watering hole sme watch ungabunga take off loin cloth >ungabunga catch TYOU WANT MAKE GRUNT WITH ME? >me make grunt >me realize it Ogaba, cousin on mom side "oh sun, what have done?!" not matter, had snoosnoo □ Anonymous (ID: yrOvVUIp) 09/17/12(Mon)03:19:35 No.4256301 57 Replies: >>425630581 >>4256307532:425630884 File: 1347866375685.ipg-(22 KB, 250x300, neanderthal.jpg) >reading wall painting in 4chan cave >mom yell "TIME FOR EAT, NUGNUG >me reply "NUGNUG NOT HUNGRY, NUGNUG STAY HERE FIVE MORE SUN MOVEMENTS >mom insist me walk house pet >me go outside >hot sungod heat up ground because angry at us for not enough sacrifice >put leash on pet raptor >feet burn me fall down before even me walk out front door >me open door, get on floor >me walk dinosaur Anonymous (ID: FkuVOUaW) 09/17/12(Mon)03:22:20 No.425630529 File: 1347866540512 jpg-(72 KB, 800x533, 091212_mammoth.jpg) >MFW
File: 134786 (58 KB, 470x300, caveman.jpg) 器□ Anonymous (ID: yrOWUlp) 09/17/12(Mon)03:08:55 No.425628783 >wake up >me go stone market, want buy new stones >see hot ungabungas in stonemarket stry speak ungabunga >mammoth meat fall out loin cloth >me run back cave, cry me eyes out >berrypicker as f--- Anonymous (ID: yrOvVUlp) 09/17/12(Mon)03:15:51 No.425629652 Replies: 425630183 File (11 KB, 177x177, caveman1.jpg) >hide near watering hole sme watch ungabunga take off loin cloth >ungabunga catch TYOU WANT MAKE GRUNT WITH ME? >me make grunt >me realize it Ogaba, cousin on mom side "oh sun, what have done?!" not matter, had snoosnoo □ Anonymous (ID: yrOvVUIp) 09/17/12(Mon)03:19:35 No.4256301 57 Replies: >>425630581 >>4256307532:425630884 File: 1347866375685.ipg-(22 KB, 250x300, neanderthal.jpg) >reading wall painting in 4chan cave >mom yell "TIME FOR EAT, NUGNUG >me reply "NUGNUG NOT HUNGRY, NUGNUG STAY HERE FIVE MORE SUN MOVEMENTS >mom insist me walk house pet >me go outside >hot sungod heat up ground because angry at us for not enough sacrifice >put leash on pet raptor >feet burn me fall down before even me walk out front door >me open door, get on floor >me walk dinosaur Anonymous (ID: FkuVOUaW) 09/17/12(Mon)03:22:20 No.425630529 File: 1347866540512 jpg-(72 KB, 800x533, 091212_mammoth.jpg) >MFW

Greentext Stories
cavemen mammoth

Lit Box

File: s--- ipg (991 KB 2448x3264) □ Anonymous 05/09/16(Mon)20:52:01 No.6834 16970 9883417937 Finland >Get invited to a party and dont really know anybody there >The host is a girl Start getting drunk on free beer and punch Rumbling in my stomach need to take a piss >Go to the toilet and star pissing >See that there is a cats litter box >Epic idea appears Take a huge dump in the lifter box aCome out the toilet like a boss mins passes by and someone goes in the toilet >Comes out terrified >Pörri (name of the cat) just took the biggest s--- ever! PAll the guests go and admire my s--- The girl whose party it was cleans my s--- up >Continue drinking Nobody knows my secret Tell me your s--- stories! D Anonymous 05/09/16(Mon)20:58:06 No 6834 17384 22n834 17504 I completely relate to you, OP. Here's a s--- story. >Went on 4chan one night >Couldn't sleep >101 dogree fever >Sees s----- greentext about s--- in Finland >F--- this Internet s--- □ Anonymous 05/09/16Mon)20 58 30 No 6834 17402 File: spurdo häyang (16 KB, 583x767) >Finnish Army >We are out training in the forest oin the midde of the night go take a s--- into a foxhole that somebody dug in our position >EVERYBODY WAKE UP! MORTARS EVERYBODY IN YOUR FOXHOLESI 3ome poor bastard belly jumps in tho the diharrea s--- filled foxhole and gets covered in s--- >He cant go change his goar in days >Nobody knows my secret >> |□ Anonymous 05/09/16(Mon)21:07:56 No 683417937ヒ2682412041 finland >be a cat Powner throws a party go to the toilet after some dude sdiscover huge s--- in my litter box >eat the f------ thing s--- even greater log where the human s--- used to be >meaowr like crazy bowner comes to see what's going on as me on producing a >everybody comes to have a look >everybody takes pictures some guy looking with a scared look on his face look back at him and squint my eyes >the guy hauls ass and leaves the party >dont f--- with my litter box snobody knows my secr >> Anonymous 05/09/16(Mon)21 09 43 No 683418041 683417937 kek :0 E. Anonymous 05/09/16(Mon)21-11-18 No 683418 138 3416245 22683416970 (OP Finland Get invited to big s--- party >The host is s--- >Start getting drunk on two girls and one cup >Rumbling in my stomach, need to take a s--- Go to the toilet and start s------- >See the cat's litterbox, s--- in it >Guesis come up to admire my s--- S--- on guests S--- on cat >Continue s------- Finland

Greentext Stories
cat litterbox whodunnit

Nekkid Nazi

Winter 2011 >Grandpa had passed 4 months ago Left me his WW2 stuff in a rusty box Sleeping soundly Hear a crash downstairs >Someone had broken in my window >Have no firearms >F---.f-- >Check Papa Box >F------ Luger tucked next to an SS cap >Luger is loaded >Slap hat on and run downstairs stark nekkid >Spot the f----- going through my entertainment center >Aim and scream first German words that pop into my head "PANZERKAMPFWAGEN SCHADENFREUDE" >Fire.exe until out of rounds >He bolted for the window, literally screaming and crying something about Nazi's supposed to be extinct >Definitely hit him a few times since there was blood on the carpet >Call cops, guy gets arrested, asked about Nazi stuff, tell story, cops love it. Nekkid Nazi becomes neighborhood story
Winter 2011 >Grandpa had passed 4 months ago Left me his WW2 stuff in a rusty box Sleeping soundly Hear a crash downstairs >Someone had broken in my window >Have no firearms >F---.f-- >Check Papa Box >F------ Luger tucked next to an SS cap >Luger is loaded >Slap hat on and run downstairs stark nekkid >Spot the f----- going through my entertainment center >Aim and scream first German words that pop into my head "PANZERKAMPFWAGEN SCHADENFREUDE" >Fire.exe until out of rounds >He bolted for the window, literally screaming and crying something about Nazi's supposed to be extinct >Definitely hit him a few times since there was blood on the carpet >Call cops, guy gets arrested, asked about Nazi stuff, tell story, cops love it. Nekkid Nazi becomes neighborhood story

Greentext Stories
nazi naked burglar

Raised by 4chan

File: 1391724376420.png-(139 KB, 600x301, thumb_8027-1373996494.png) [] Anonymous 02/06/14(Thu)14:06:16 UTC-8 No. 531132589 TT: Work stories >work at furniture warehouse load furniture into cars for costumers that come in for pick up >guy comes in for couch >after couch is loaded I see his order form >says his name is Dubs Checkum >last two digits of order are 38 >"Nice roll f-----" >say it as boss walks by >boss walks over to customer and asks if everything is okay >customer is laughing so hard nearly s---- his pants proceeds to give me the best review of my life >boss is so impressed i get a promotion >mfw I got a promotion for calling a customer a f----- >mfw I now make more money because of 4chan
File: 1391724376420.png-(139 KB, 600x301, thumb_8027-1373996494.png) [] Anonymous 02/06/14(Thu)14:06:16 UTC-8 No. 531132589 TT: Work stories >work at furniture warehouse load furniture into cars for costumers that come in for pick up >guy comes in for couch >after couch is loaded I see his order form >says his name is Dubs Checkum >last two digits of order are 38 >"Nice roll f-----" >say it as boss walks by >boss walks over to customer and asks if everything is okay >customer is laughing so hard nearly s---- his pants proceeds to give me the best review of my life >boss is so impressed i get a promotion >mfw I got a promotion for calling a customer a f----- >mfw I now make more money because of 4chan

Greentext Stories
furniture 4chan dubs check em trips op

No Stopping The Tickle Train

Anonymous 08/04/13(Sun)01:39 No.2033071 06 Replies: >>203307271 22203307352 File: 1375594754640 png-(29 KB, 500x300, 1373898041096.png) >Playing some Garry's Mod No one talking >One dude joins, mic ultra sensitive >Loud as f--- >can hear smells >Cringe at the sound of his door opening >You know what time it is, son?" >"dad, not now.." >"d-dad stop tickling mel!" >Worst giggle I ever heard in my life >Goes on for a few seconds then >"THERE AINT NO STOPPING THIS TICKLE TRAIN!" Oh God >Someone starts laughing uncontrollably >Chat blows up with people losing their s--- >He types "What is everyone laughing at?" >Everyone replies "you" >Unplugs his mic and leaves the game People need to mute those mics. Worst part was that he sounded like he was in his 40s
Anonymous 08/04/13(Sun)01:39 No.2033071 06 Replies: >>203307271 22203307352 File: 1375594754640 png-(29 KB, 500x300, 1373898041096.png) >Playing some Garry's Mod No one talking >One dude joins, mic ultra sensitive >Loud as f--- >can hear smells >Cringe at the sound of his door opening >You know what time it is, son?" >"dad, not now.." >"d-dad stop tickling mel!" >Worst giggle I ever heard in my life >Goes on for a few seconds then >"THERE AINT NO STOPPING THIS TICKLE TRAIN!" Oh God >Someone starts laughing uncontrollably >Chat blows up with people losing their s--- >He types "What is everyone laughing at?" >Everyone replies "you" >Unplugs his mic and leaves the game People need to mute those mics. Worst part was that he sounded like he was in his 40s

Greentext Stories
tickle train garry's mod

Too Infinity

File: image ipg (49 KB, 970x654) ■ Anonymous 0205/16(Fri)15.35:16 No 667360539·ー5735129S-5572615 Ok, so you may have seen this image of me floating around, it went viral a few years ago, and thought the story is too good not to share be me 8 years ago Shear about prostate stimulation and how it's supposed to give you some kind of super orgasm feeisgood pg sexperiment for a while by inserting things up my chutney channel reachョpoint where l usually fap with some kind of starfish stimulation > after about a year and a half of this my ass is looser than Bemie Sander's ballsaick l come across a best of 4chan thread it's the one about curnming on a Jesse toys face, and when you leave the toys will have to console her as she cannot remove the curn without causing suspicion jerryspringer jpg 'm gonna stick buzz up my ass my brother has a miniature buzz figure with full anticulation, extendable wings and all the sound offects Slube up my back gate and slide him in to infinity and beyond Ive got a friend in me decide f--- it fap to some toy story hental breaching the point of climasx C-- ssphincter clenches in pleasure the sudden bowel movement is sufficient enough to activate his spring-powered extending wing mechanism >buzz's wings hook into the walls of my pooperhole like a plastic lapeworm from hell with a comical spring noise ppanic ensues l franticaly try to remove him from the depths of my a------ to no aval othe commotion only adds to the discomfort and pushes him further into my poop chute that's when the sóund effects kicked in buzz light year quotes begin emanating from my rear end like Satan cnuelly taunting from his pit of etemal helitire this isn't flying, this is falling with style! is now being repeatedly farted out of my a--- cavity owaddle over to the toilet and begin desperatoly trying to s--- out Andys Chinese spaceman After failing I decide I'm going to need to go to the doictors to get it removed Mw Buzz says "you are a sad, strange little man, and you have my plity all the way to the hospital Anonymous 02/05/16(Fn)15:35:57 No 667360642 · 67was File image png (48 KB, 190x200)

Greentext Stories
buzz lightyear toy story

The Perks of Being a Wall Farter

File: 1347909162181 ipg-(28 KB, 500x435, sad _dad[1].jpg) 器 Fart greentexts-General Anonymous 09/17/12(Mon) 15:12:42 No.3798017 Replies: 223798046 have to sleep at parents' house have bedroom right next to parents' bedroom only separated by a thin, wooden wall midnight >can't sleep stand up and go to the wall between our bedrooms press asscheeks against the wall the fart begins as a low murmur kicks into overdrive and blasts my entire ass-crescendo all over the wall and into the other room swiftly leap into bed just as dad opens my door and peeks in >thinks i'm still asleep eaves jump up and violate the wall again the ass-blast is so powerful, the ring of my a------ practically drums against the wal >hear dad come and pretend to be asleep again run up to the wall when he's gone asscheeks spread all over the damp spot on the wall and preparing to unleash another nuclear holocaust >JC IT'S A BOMEB suddenly, see dad leap into my room right in the middle of my brain-shattering assplosion >his face when
File: 1347909162181 ipg-(28 KB, 500x435, sad _dad[1].jpg) 器 Fart greentexts-General Anonymous 09/17/12(Mon) 15:12:42 No.3798017 Replies: 223798046 have to sleep at parents' house have bedroom right next to parents' bedroom only separated by a thin, wooden wall midnight >can't sleep stand up and go to the wall between our bedrooms press asscheeks against the wall the fart begins as a low murmur kicks into overdrive and blasts my entire ass-crescendo all over the wall and into the other room swiftly leap into bed just as dad opens my door and peeks in >thinks i'm still asleep eaves jump up and violate the wall again the ass-blast is so powerful, the ring of my a------ practically drums against the wal >hear dad come and pretend to be asleep again run up to the wall when he's gone asscheeks spread all over the damp spot on the wall and preparing to unleash another nuclear holocaust >JC IT'S A BOMEB suddenly, see dad leap into my room right in the middle of my brain-shattering assplosion >his face when

Greentext Stories
fart dad

8 Minutes Per Hour

File: sun.ipg (618 KB, 1536x1536) Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:13:10 No.688610224 688610490 2688610566 6886105716886139812688614107 22688614194 -688614458 >688614504 688614755 688615354 >688615664 688616096 688616282 >688616321688616987 >688622036 688622521 So how long would we last if the sun disappeared...Let the responses begin Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:15:11 No.688610490 18 minutes Anonymous 06/08/16 Wed)23:15:43 No. 6886 10566 2-6886 109522-688611526 >>6886 1 37302-6886 1 3910>>688616093 Quick guess. 8minutes. The last of light will end reaching us, starts to get really cold after that. Also, the centre of mass of the galaxy would be around Jupiter and then the planets would go out of whack. since sun was 98% mass of sytme probably go and leave solar systme. It'll get cold anyawy Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:15:49 No.6886 10571 688610224 (OP) 3 years Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:18:59 No.6886 10952 >>6886 11147 >>688621750 I'd say somewhat more than that because earth's ability to retain heat. But I woudlnt know for how long Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:20:25 No. 688611147 2-6886 13571 >>6886 15148 oh yeah good point. Not long. humans go bye bye quickl withough some tech. Only some species around thermal vents survive for maybe years Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:44:38 No.688614755688614902 688615346 688615709688617708 >688618080688618479 688625424 688625464 688626808 >688610224 (OP) Okay, if it takes the light and heat from the sun 8 minuets to stop reaching Earth, what if we just travel away from the sun at 8 minuets per hour? We'll always be keeping up with where the warm is, so we'll never run out of sun Anonymous 06/09/16(Thu)00:03:41 No. 688617708 Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:45:33 No.68861 4902 Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:48:10 No.68861 5346、2-6886 15483 6886147 >8 minutes per hour >what if we just travel away from the sun at 8 minuets per hour? What the f--- is 8 minutes per hour Genius stuff. Well played. Anonymous 06/09/16(Thu)00:06:15 No.688618080 62 gif (522 KB, 200x136) >2688618308 Anonymous 06/09/16(Thu)00:54:45 No. 688625424 File: 14444 Anonymous 06/09/16(Thu)01:04:40 No. 688626808 : my sides png (143 KB, 540x328) 688614755 >8 minutes per hour >where the warm is >8 minutes per My sides have gone orbital with the planets 688614755 >8 minuets per hour I haven't laughed this hard in a while
File: sun.ipg (618 KB, 1536x1536) Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:13:10 No.688610224 688610490 2688610566 6886105716886139812688614107 22688614194 -688614458 >688614504 688614755 688615354 >688615664 688616096 688616282 >688616321688616987 >688622036 688622521 So how long would we last if the sun disappeared...Let the responses begin Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:15:11 No.688610490 18 minutes Anonymous 06/08/16 Wed)23:15:43 No. 6886 10566 2-6886 109522-688611526 >>6886 1 37302-6886 1 3910>>688616093 Quick guess. 8minutes. The last of light will end reaching us, starts to get really cold after that. Also, the centre of mass of the galaxy would be around Jupiter and then the planets would go out of whack. since sun was 98% mass of sytme probably go and leave solar systme. It'll get cold anyawy Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:15:49 No.6886 10571 688610224 (OP) 3 years Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:18:59 No.6886 10952 >>6886 11147 >>688621750 I'd say somewhat more than that because earth's ability to retain heat. But I woudlnt know for how long Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:20:25 No. 688611147 2-6886 13571 >>6886 15148 oh yeah good point. Not long. humans go bye bye quickl withough some tech. Only some species around thermal vents survive for maybe years Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:44:38 No.688614755688614902 688615346 688615709688617708 >688618080688618479 688625424 688625464 688626808 >688610224 (OP) Okay, if it takes the light and heat from the sun 8 minuets to stop reaching Earth, what if we just travel away from the sun at 8 minuets per hour? We'll always be keeping up with where the warm is, so we'll never run out of sun Anonymous 06/09/16(Thu)00:03:41 No. 688617708 Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:45:33 No.68861 4902 Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:48:10 No.68861 5346、2-6886 15483 6886147 >8 minutes per hour >what if we just travel away from the sun at 8 minuets per hour? What the f--- is 8 minutes per hour Genius stuff. Well played. Anonymous 06/09/16(Thu)00:06:15 No.688618080 62 gif (522 KB, 200x136) >2688618308 Anonymous 06/09/16(Thu)00:54:45 No. 688625424 File: 14444 Anonymous 06/09/16(Thu)01:04:40 No. 688626808 : my sides png (143 KB, 540x328) 688614755 >8 minutes per hour >where the warm is >8 minutes per My sides have gone orbital with the planets 688614755 >8 minuets per hour I haven't laughed this hard in a while

Greentext Stories
sun physics troll logic fail math

For Want of a Gorilla Suit, The Meaning Was Lost

Anonymous 02/18/1 3(Mon)02:39 No.1 76886365 Replies: >>176886459 >> 176886568 try to sell stuff on cragislist put price get texts >"how much 4 product" CAN THESE PEOPLE NOT READ H-------- Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)02:40 No.176886459 Replies: >>176892351 176886365 l tried to buy a gorilla suit and the guy said it was 100 in the title, 120 in the comments, and then when I asked him he said 90 dollars Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:30 No. 176892351 Replies: 176892563 176886459 Why were you buving a gorilla suit? Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:31 No.176892563 Replies: >>175892815 176892829 176892351 Because I dragged a parking sign into my friends house and I needed a disguise □ Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:33 No.1 76892815 ] Replies: 2217689302822176893440 (6 KB, 256x192, image.jpg) >176892563 That just raises even more questions! File: 1361176407510 Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:33 No.176892829 Replies: >176893440 >176892563 I wish I had the opportunity to witness some dude in a gorilla suit steal a parking sign Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:38 No.176893440 Replies: >176893716 176B93739176893831 176894064 >>176892829 >>176892815 Well this is what happened >Friend buys 50 packs of plastic forks sGoes over to my house and sticks them all in my f------ yard >P----- off I go buy a gorilla suit for 90 bucks and go to the end of the street where a old parking sign is loose >Rip it out with my gorilla strength and drag it through a trail to my friends back yard >Open his back door >Drag it in scratching the floor and s--- > Turn around and see his little sister looking at me >Flip her off and walk right out >Her parents came back home asking what happened >She told them a gorilla dragged a sign in Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:39 No.1 76893716 □ Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:40 No.176893739 [□Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:42 No. 176394064画 >176893440 I want to live in your world >176893440 AAA+ post would witness again >>176893440 l can't remember the last I laughed so hard, I'm actually crying Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:40 No.176893831 2176893440 dude pure justice. if anyone of my friends f----- up my yard with forks I'd kill them. That s---- hard to maintain without some D--- ruining the bed and roots
Anonymous 02/18/1 3(Mon)02:39 No.1 76886365 Replies: >>176886459 >> 176886568 try to sell stuff on cragislist put price get texts >"how much 4 product" CAN THESE PEOPLE NOT READ H-------- Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)02:40 No.176886459 Replies: >>176892351 176886365 l tried to buy a gorilla suit and the guy said it was 100 in the title, 120 in the comments, and then when I asked him he said 90 dollars Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:30 No. 176892351 Replies: 176892563 176886459 Why were you buving a gorilla suit? Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:31 No.176892563 Replies: >>175892815 176892829 176892351 Because I dragged a parking sign into my friends house and I needed a disguise □ Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:33 No.1 76892815 ] Replies: 2217689302822176893440 (6 KB, 256x192, image.jpg) >176892563 That just raises even more questions! File: 1361176407510 Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:33 No.176892829 Replies: >176893440 >176892563 I wish I had the opportunity to witness some dude in a gorilla suit steal a parking sign Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:38 No.176893440 Replies: >176893716 176B93739176893831 176894064 >>176892829 >>176892815 Well this is what happened >Friend buys 50 packs of plastic forks sGoes over to my house and sticks them all in my f------ yard >P----- off I go buy a gorilla suit for 90 bucks and go to the end of the street where a old parking sign is loose >Rip it out with my gorilla strength and drag it through a trail to my friends back yard >Open his back door >Drag it in scratching the floor and s--- > Turn around and see his little sister looking at me >Flip her off and walk right out >Her parents came back home asking what happened >She told them a gorilla dragged a sign in Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:39 No.1 76893716 □ Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:40 No.176893739 [□Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:42 No. 176394064画 >176893440 I want to live in your world >176893440 AAA+ post would witness again >>176893440 l can't remember the last I laughed so hard, I'm actually crying Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:40 No.176893831 2176893440 dude pure justice. if anyone of my friends f----- up my yard with forks I'd kill them. That s---- hard to maintain without some D--- ruining the bed and roots

Greentext Stories
gorilla fork wat

Not what you were expecting, huh..?

口@ECHO 2 minutes ago No.5608601 41 >be me >be 15 go to cousins for sleep over >have 3 cousins >2 guys 1 girl >stay up late >play vidya watch movies >girl cousin says uncle has lots of extra beer She wont notice a few missimg coool >we get buzzed >younger guy cousin doesnt like beer goes to bed >other guy cousin gets phone call from qt3.14 and splits for a while >just me and girl cousin >drink 3-4 more while watching movie >cousin starts saying shes drunk >10 minutes later look over and shes crashed out find a blanket and cover her up >go to bed without molesting cousin because we have a stable family relationship and im not attracted to her
口@ECHO 2 minutes ago No.5608601 41 >be me >be 15 go to cousins for sleep over >have 3 cousins >2 guys 1 girl >stay up late >play vidya watch movies >girl cousin says uncle has lots of extra beer She wont notice a few missimg coool >we get buzzed >younger guy cousin doesnt like beer goes to bed >other guy cousin gets phone call from qt3.14 and splits for a while >just me and girl cousin >drink 3-4 more while watching movie >cousin starts saying shes drunk >10 minutes later look over and shes crashed out find a blanket and cover her up >go to bed without molesting cousin because we have a stable family relationship and im not attracted to her

Greentext Stories
4chan greentext wholesome memes reversal cousin

Anon the hacker

File: 7IXz6ei.png (648 KB, 610x915) O Anonymous (ID: usiXD6Q) 06/06/14(Fri)17:30:27 No. 549923098 >be me world's greatest hacker >#1 on FBI's most wanted list >but they can't track me down because i always delete my browser history just got done hacking entire internet now every user in the world gets redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com sepic lulz one of my hackerbros messages tells me that 420-1337-h4x0r 420, my #1 hackerbro, has been arrested >they were able to backtrace his IP because he forgot to browse on incognito mode me on AIM word on the street is he's already ratted me out look out window >FBI helicopters circling overhead >hah! those bastards dont know who they're dealing with open up internet explorer get redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com >oh yeah, forgot about that run disableblackpeoplemeet.exe now it's time for some world class hackin go to fbi.gov/hack >f---, there's a password >something appears on the bottom right corner of my screen Sit's that goddamn talking paperclip S"it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you like help?" >f--- off clippy, i'm trying to work here S"it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you-" >click the little f----- just to make him shut up clippy gives me the pass guess he's not so bad after all now that i'm in, i go to fbi.gov/hack/helicopters "congratulations, hacker!" you now have full control of the FBI's helicopters! what would you like them to do?" >"A) turn left B) turn right C) ascend D) descend E) explode" go with option E BOOM, baby flaming helicopters fall from the sky mfw
File: 7IXz6ei.png (648 KB, 610x915) O Anonymous (ID: usiXD6Q) 06/06/14(Fri)17:30:27 No. 549923098 >be me world's greatest hacker >#1 on FBI's most wanted list >but they can't track me down because i always delete my browser history just got done hacking entire internet now every user in the world gets redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com sepic lulz one of my hackerbros messages tells me that 420-1337-h4x0r 420, my #1 hackerbro, has been arrested >they were able to backtrace his IP because he forgot to browse on incognito mode me on AIM word on the street is he's already ratted me out look out window >FBI helicopters circling overhead >hah! those bastards dont know who they're dealing with open up internet explorer get redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com >oh yeah, forgot about that run disableblackpeoplemeet.exe now it's time for some world class hackin go to fbi.gov/hack >f---, there's a password >something appears on the bottom right corner of my screen Sit's that goddamn talking paperclip S"it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you like help?" >f--- off clippy, i'm trying to work here S"it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you-" >click the little f----- just to make him shut up clippy gives me the pass guess he's not so bad after all now that i'm in, i go to fbi.gov/hack/helicopters "congratulations, hacker!" you now have full control of the FBI's helicopters! what would you like them to do?" >"A) turn left B) turn right C) ascend D) descend E) explode" go with option E BOOM, baby flaming helicopters fall from the sky mfw

Greentext Stories
hacker 4chan greentext story incognito fbi helicopter

The Pooping Bandit Pt. 3

Anonymous (|D: 15lzLff) 02/18/14(Tue )01:58:29 UTC-6 No.533184776 Replies: 22533184939 22533184978 >the bandit is back >school starts >still trying to find my biggest target >want it to be perfect, won't be as fun to do once I graduate, goOutWithABang.jpg >1-2 months go by >l realize I need to get rid of my s--- buckets and piss gallons before they freeze for winte >target acquired: homecoming, now 2 weeks away >spend a whole weekend hatching a plan, I need to get in with the homecoming committee >what luck, friends are losers, of course one would be on the committee, we'll call this friend Ozgur start asking lots of questions about how the homecoming parade is set up, realize I already hit the summer parade last year, it'll have to be the football game >find out school play is the week after homecoming >new target manage to get on the set building team, access to the set, auditorium, without suspicion >perfect plan comes together spend a week of moving my s---, a bucket at a time, in to 2 small plastic tubs that I bought at a convenience store two towns over >s--- is now hidden over the auditorium, 5 buckets over the stage, piss and s--- mix in 2 plastic tubs over the audience 6 halfway through the second act comes, I'm finally ready sneak away from the set crew, climb ladder to ceiling srub s--- on myself so it's not obvious after it's done that I'm the one not covered in s--- >worth it >have the five buckets on a string, pull string as I tip both tubs over audience >obvious pandemonium >l tied a rope in the corner of the auditorium opposite to the ladder, principal sees me, goes to ladder >lol, unclefag, you'll never catch me >mfw I get away with it >mfw my uncle has s--- and piss on him and I got away with it >my family talks about this every year at reunions. I must laugh to myself >go down in internet and real life history >mfw 8 that's all for the biggest caper. got decent amount of smaller stories left over, but that's all for this one!
Anonymous (|D: 15lzLff) 02/18/14(Tue )01:58:29 UTC-6 No.533184776 Replies: 22533184939 22533184978 >the bandit is back >school starts >still trying to find my biggest target >want it to be perfect, won't be as fun to do once I graduate, goOutWithABang.jpg >1-2 months go by >l realize I need to get rid of my s--- buckets and piss gallons before they freeze for winte >target acquired: homecoming, now 2 weeks away >spend a whole weekend hatching a plan, I need to get in with the homecoming committee >what luck, friends are losers, of course one would be on the committee, we'll call this friend Ozgur start asking lots of questions about how the homecoming parade is set up, realize I already hit the summer parade last year, it'll have to be the football game >find out school play is the week after homecoming >new target manage to get on the set building team, access to the set, auditorium, without suspicion >perfect plan comes together spend a week of moving my s---, a bucket at a time, in to 2 small plastic tubs that I bought at a convenience store two towns over >s--- is now hidden over the auditorium, 5 buckets over the stage, piss and s--- mix in 2 plastic tubs over the audience 6 halfway through the second act comes, I'm finally ready sneak away from the set crew, climb ladder to ceiling srub s--- on myself so it's not obvious after it's done that I'm the one not covered in s--- >worth it >have the five buckets on a string, pull string as I tip both tubs over audience >obvious pandemonium >l tied a rope in the corner of the auditorium opposite to the ladder, principal sees me, goes to ladder >lol, unclefag, you'll never catch me >mfw I get away with it >mfw my uncle has s--- and piss on him and I got away with it >my family talks about this every year at reunions. I must laugh to myself >go down in internet and real life history >mfw 8 that's all for the biggest caper. got decent amount of smaller stories left over, but that's all for this one!

Greentext Stories
/b/ 4chan.

The Pooping Bandit Pt. 2

Anonymous 01/15/14(Wed)16:16:50 UTC-6 No.527212616 Replies: >>527213453225272140192-5272152202252721594f File: 1389824210214.jpg-(44 KB, 720x480, original.jpg) >527205804 Okay folks sorry bout the long wait. Was in the middle of moving and switching jobs 2 months after Parade for Justice >Starting Grade 12 >School assembly on 1st day Cops and principle at assembly Inform school that there is a new school policy against 'vandalism" in any form >School beefed up security >new locks and doors everywhere >Principle announces cameras will be installed eventually break a sweat >PB is officially challenged week after assembly >PB is smart >PB joins the video club cause they have access to the future cameras >get a key to the school due to club >The Bowels start moving 2 weeks after joining club >case the new school plans >Start writing down plans in my little black book of sharts (bad idea) >Take bag of supplies to school in the cover of night >key makes it easy work my way into Video room Move massive cabinet away from wall >take out a small hand saw >cut hole in wall >Hole leads to school vent system room >Crawl my way in with small bag of justice >Find the vent that leads to Principles office >Dump justice in various places in vent >smell makes me nauseated >throw up adds to smell >make my way out >patch up hole for future use >move cabinet back walk over to principles offices a.k.a not PB's uncle eave sticky note >Tm back my old chum, Warm regards, the pooping bandit >clean up a bit more and leave NEXT MORNING >Teaching staff crowding around principles office >most are gagging from smelll > can't find source of smel >Principle uses a few air fresheners over the course of a week >mfw the whole week I will post the other few stories tomorrow as I am strapped for time at the moment. Light the beacon again tomorrow /b/rothers. PB away!
Anonymous 01/15/14(Wed)16:16:50 UTC-6 No.527212616 Replies: >>527213453225272140192-5272152202252721594f File: 1389824210214.jpg-(44 KB, 720x480, original.jpg) >527205804 Okay folks sorry bout the long wait. Was in the middle of moving and switching jobs 2 months after Parade for Justice >Starting Grade 12 >School assembly on 1st day Cops and principle at assembly Inform school that there is a new school policy against 'vandalism" in any form >School beefed up security >new locks and doors everywhere >Principle announces cameras will be installed eventually break a sweat >PB is officially challenged week after assembly >PB is smart >PB joins the video club cause they have access to the future cameras >get a key to the school due to club >The Bowels start moving 2 weeks after joining club >case the new school plans >Start writing down plans in my little black book of sharts (bad idea) >Take bag of supplies to school in the cover of night >key makes it easy work my way into Video room Move massive cabinet away from wall >take out a small hand saw >cut hole in wall >Hole leads to school vent system room >Crawl my way in with small bag of justice >Find the vent that leads to Principles office >Dump justice in various places in vent >smell makes me nauseated >throw up adds to smell >make my way out >patch up hole for future use >move cabinet back walk over to principles offices a.k.a not PB's uncle eave sticky note >Tm back my old chum, Warm regards, the pooping bandit >clean up a bit more and leave NEXT MORNING >Teaching staff crowding around principles office >most are gagging from smelll > can't find source of smel >Principle uses a few air fresheners over the course of a week >mfw the whole week I will post the other few stories tomorrow as I am strapped for time at the moment. Light the beacon again tomorrow /b/rothers. PB away!

Greentext Stories
/b/ 4chan

The Pooping Bandit Pt. 1

1287420842102 (438 KB, 1920 1200) gshenal ogis ind be grade 10 mid year 1 of my home room teachers doeant hat 2 weeks ater Bich -thinks I get away with hings too easy s reguiar me hard timi Cals me a litie s--- hal the tm -Get mad, decided to ruin his day Devise plan that I didn't know would grow into something more epic over the years one day 1st moming Breaksme expelled charged, possible jail time Start feeing bad Over hear students talking about how sick and crazy fall guy is plan can wait, name needs to be clearing now pull down pants and hover my ass over his lueury teachers chair push his chair back into desk -bell ring8 pooping bandit mode -sneak over to Principlas office again gives 10 minute lecture before sitting down fan pooping bandit instincts take over I had eyes widen, jumps up Class laughs class laughs for the whole day Warm mid clean up hear foot steps dont see d--- head for the rest of the day Pull up my hoodie and Kenny my face don't lnowwho th -seacher yeas and hands out surprise test mtw I fet proud being called the "pooping bandr m penched half way out the window More? it only get more epic from here jump out and run my ass to the woods bandt -still never Anonymous 11/29113(Fri)13:36:50 UTC-7 No.518648563 Rplies:51 48879 518849124 2 weeks ater s--- pants incident -dcx face teacher stll treats me ike sh 1 month after s--- hitting the fan notice he leaves his Coffee cup on his deak during lunch more oten Teacherng credin about pooping Door bursts open got the bathroom no one around realy surprised I jump up with the rest of the class to go see teachers already blocked off the area spooping bandtinstincts take over -manage to sqeece out three 4-5 inch babies with a pinch of rose on the top surprisingly it almost looks ike a bouquet of s--- s-camp out in my nexd dass, conveniently across d--- faces class saving this one for 2 daysr -Couldn't find out who the new bandit is odecide to one up his noob prank nd out the cafeeria food schedule and case the place head 2 towns over to a pharmacy to buy al the laxatives I can 0 minutes before Next lunch period -students from hallway start piling in d--- faces class to see my masterpiece ock face finally shows up stuif them down toilets to clog 1 do not ike lairs and lakes, warm regards, the pooping bandd lunch staff are having a smoke outside before lunch looks like a healthy meal todary with Justice served for dessert Jantorcomescho People start trying to Sgure out he identity of the notorious pooping bandit More? oleave and go back to class teacher didn't even notice I was gone unch bt unch roomtfor obvious Anonymous 1 128 1 3(Thu:09 03:59 UTC 8 No 518464270 l▼ 61 4 420 쯔51 464611 쯔51NN910 쯔51 4651ad 쯔61 467 1고 쯔51Ma 27-25184724 1 쯔 1 4 7 쑈 us -wees 4 1 month ater my lovely gih my food + the rice pudding iD9 realize Iucked mysef over naxt day -if you are the pooping bandt can you do Friend calls "did you hear what happened yesterday? ltie does he know Iheard the call for justice find said buity's locker pooping bandit mode aclivaled PB got half the schooll it was a f------ disaster! Try not to be a a------ naxt year, with very warm regards, "The pooping bandr dlean up, and leave school next day. locker clean out happens (cause last day of 5ch0 Hear gossip about my form of justice bully leaves school and is never seen all summer Janitoe that was the day the pooping bandt became a beacon of justice Grade 11 only gets more epic from here if you are in the crowd, please stop this behavior or you wil be yadda yadda biah biah pooping bandit has no uncle go over to principles ofice release Justice pellets plant祀 the neat pile I made and atach sicky note 1 am not afraid Challenge accepted. Warm regards, The pooping Bandr dlaan myaelt and leave through window cause of to many people out the door tels the school there wil be a reward for any into related to the incident mfw when things are just geting staned e at pep rally in Gym bandt Say they have him Gym doors bust open Guy wearing nothing but a black cape, bandana mask Tight shorts and rubber boots runs in Crowd goes crazy cheering the bandit gets chased away d sacks of horse justice outside town -Go back to the school in the cover of night letloose one bag of justice all over the shower area and tun on the showers use the other 3 justice filed bags for the lockers afind m0α bandits locker for the best parr sThat was quite the latering display at the rally. Dont let it happen again wth very warm regards. The pooping Bandi clean my self and leave BANDIT GOT THE JOCKSI find out school got closed due to extreme vandaism te pooping bandit reaches legendary status in School at this port Things start to gat more Chalenging from hare autica (50 KB, 505720)gaa8 Ladh sshental he heads to the principles cffice and isn't heard from for the rest of the day You have done me a great service, you gat one favor, with warm regards the PB walking down the road 1F YOURE THEREI HIT THAT ltle shocked how fast he responded but okay Find out he's going through a bad break up with said gi Have bucket Ive been s------- in all week in back yard notice one of the windows open on the 2nd foor put on some rubber oloves and start making bail with the rest of my paint day over hear her Best friends saing a sht bail landing on the bad and rolled onto the foor -lol I have lots of Pooping Bandttales up une last year, aimost got caught..but for now I thinki wil stop right there and continue he sapa another day if I am summoned once again.
1287420842102 (438 KB, 1920 1200) gshenal ogis ind be grade 10 mid year 1 of my home room teachers doeant hat 2 weeks ater Bich -thinks I get away with hings too easy s reguiar me hard timi Cals me a litie s--- hal the tm -Get mad, decided to ruin his day Devise plan that I didn't know would grow into something more epic over the years one day 1st moming Breaksme expelled charged, possible jail time Start feeing bad Over hear students talking about how sick and crazy fall guy is plan can wait, name needs to be clearing now pull down pants and hover my ass over his lueury teachers chair push his chair back into desk -bell ring8 pooping bandit mode -sneak over to Principlas office again gives 10 minute lecture before sitting down fan pooping bandit instincts take over I had eyes widen, jumps up Class laughs class laughs for the whole day Warm mid clean up hear foot steps dont see d--- head for the rest of the day Pull up my hoodie and Kenny my face don't lnowwho th -seacher yeas and hands out surprise test mtw I fet proud being called the "pooping bandr m penched half way out the window More? it only get more epic from here jump out and run my ass to the woods bandt -still never Anonymous 11/29113(Fri)13:36:50 UTC-7 No.518648563 Rplies:51 48879 518849124 2 weeks ater s--- pants incident -dcx face teacher stll treats me ike sh 1 month after s--- hitting the fan notice he leaves his Coffee cup on his deak during lunch more oten Teacherng credin about pooping Door bursts open got the bathroom no one around realy surprised I jump up with the rest of the class to go see teachers already blocked off the area spooping bandtinstincts take over -manage to sqeece out three 4-5 inch babies with a pinch of rose on the top surprisingly it almost looks ike a bouquet of s--- s-camp out in my nexd dass, conveniently across d--- faces class saving this one for 2 daysr -Couldn't find out who the new bandit is odecide to one up his noob prank nd out the cafeeria food schedule and case the place head 2 towns over to a pharmacy to buy al the laxatives I can 0 minutes before Next lunch period -students from hallway start piling in d--- faces class to see my masterpiece ock face finally shows up stuif them down toilets to clog 1 do not ike lairs and lakes, warm regards, the pooping bandd lunch staff are having a smoke outside before lunch looks like a healthy meal todary with Justice served for dessert Jantorcomescho People start trying to Sgure out he identity of the notorious pooping bandit More? oleave and go back to class teacher didn't even notice I was gone unch bt unch roomtfor obvious Anonymous 1 128 1 3(Thu:09 03:59 UTC 8 No 518464270 l▼ 61 4 420 쯔51 464611 쯔51NN910 쯔51 4651ad 쯔61 467 1고 쯔51Ma 27-25184724 1 쯔 1 4 7 쑈 us -wees 4 1 month ater my lovely gih my food + the rice pudding iD9 realize Iucked mysef over naxt day -if you are the pooping bandt can you do Friend calls "did you hear what happened yesterday? ltie does he know Iheard the call for justice find said buity's locker pooping bandit mode aclivaled PB got half the schooll it was a f------ disaster! Try not to be a a------ naxt year, with very warm regards, "The pooping bandr dlean up, and leave school next day. locker clean out happens (cause last day of 5ch0 Hear gossip about my form of justice bully leaves school and is never seen all summer Janitoe that was the day the pooping bandt became a beacon of justice Grade 11 only gets more epic from here if you are in the crowd, please stop this behavior or you wil be yadda yadda biah biah pooping bandit has no uncle go over to principles ofice release Justice pellets plant祀 the neat pile I made and atach sicky note 1 am not afraid Challenge accepted. Warm regards, The pooping Bandr dlaan myaelt and leave through window cause of to many people out the door tels the school there wil be a reward for any into related to the incident mfw when things are just geting staned e at pep rally in Gym bandt Say they have him Gym doors bust open Guy wearing nothing but a black cape, bandana mask Tight shorts and rubber boots runs in Crowd goes crazy cheering the bandit gets chased away d sacks of horse justice outside town -Go back to the school in the cover of night letloose one bag of justice all over the shower area and tun on the showers use the other 3 justice filed bags for the lockers afind m0α bandits locker for the best parr sThat was quite the latering display at the rally. Dont let it happen again wth very warm regards. The pooping Bandi clean my self and leave BANDIT GOT THE JOCKSI find out school got closed due to extreme vandaism te pooping bandit reaches legendary status in School at this port Things start to gat more Chalenging from hare autica (50 KB, 505720)gaa8 Ladh sshental he heads to the principles cffice and isn't heard from for the rest of the day You have done me a great service, you gat one favor, with warm regards the PB walking down the road 1F YOURE THEREI HIT THAT ltle shocked how fast he responded but okay Find out he's going through a bad break up with said gi Have bucket Ive been s------- in all week in back yard notice one of the windows open on the 2nd foor put on some rubber oloves and start making bail with the rest of my paint day over hear her Best friends saing a sht bail landing on the bad and rolled onto the foor -lol I have lots of Pooping Bandttales up une last year, aimost got caught..but for now I thinki wil stop right there and continue he sapa another day if I am summoned once again.

Greentext Stories
/b/ 4chan

MUH ELEPHANTS

File e: 1444306652339.03 43 84 xB. 50018. 125 >Be soldier under Hannibal during second Punic wars PHe's a good peneral, really. Just has one fault >F------ elephants MUH ELEPHANTS THIS, MUH ELEPHANTS THAT Start out in Spain, do prety we >Come to the f------ Alps >And I thought the Pyrenees were bad -Hannibal wants to cross them With the tucking elephants suwotm8.scroll -actually cross the alps >Arrive in Italy, me half-dead, most of my buddies completely dead -Hannibal gives an encouraging speech: Although we suffered dearly, we at least... -still have elephants ulookingwotm3.scroll -Eventually get to ight the Romans >"Elephant is confused (and drunk) T tramples the Carthaginians instead of the Romans in confusion 가ave to hide in a f------ swamp where we cant rest Last ofthe elephants die, Hannibal is stricken with grief Later come to some place with Cannae >No elephants left, promptly crush the Roman army Romans s------- themselves, start screaming Hannibal ante portas" (means "Hannibal is out of elephants, I think). Could steamroll all the way to f------ room But Hannibal decides to wait for reinforcements. >Reinforcements of elephants -Now stuck in Italy. Romans keep trolling us but never really attack >Hannibal eventually is recalled to Car仇age after the Romans invade Africa *To make a last stand againsthe Romans, Hannibal is given charge over the Carthaginian defenders .. and 80 elephants > Unsurprisingly, the Romans gain a crushing victory, Carthage is defeated > Through some cruel fate, Hannibal survives and prompby becomes a magistrate ater the war is over Makes some ambitious reforms, but then drives both the Romans and even more Carthaginians against him when he tries to buy himself a few elephants with the tax money he was supposed to give the Romans as part of the war debt >Goes into voluntarily exile And chooses me as his man-servant -Hannibal first goes to Carthago's mother city, Tyre >Antioch us Ⅲ actually recen es him, party out of pr y, party because he also hated he Romans and planned o go to war with them -Hannibal fervently offers to lead a landing force into southern Italy Antiochus almost agrees to that plan untl his courters tell him Hannibal planned to bolster that landing force with mighty elephants Hannibal is handed around the vanious Kingdoms of Asia minor like some sort of a bad-luck charm Never stays for to long in one place because he annoys local rulers with his constant babbling about certain grey-skinned mammals. >They eventually get so mad at him that they threaten to hand him over to the Romans >For once in his life, Hannibal does something right and commits suicide by poisorn -Later historians would romanticize his entre career and death, claiming that his last worlds were some sarcastic comment about how much the Romans hated him >His last words actually were an ongoing rant on how he could have won the second Punic war if the Oligarchy at home had actually sent him his f------ you-know-whats
File e: 1444306652339.03 43 84 xB. 50018. 125 >Be soldier under Hannibal during second Punic wars PHe's a good peneral, really. Just has one fault >F------ elephants MUH ELEPHANTS THIS, MUH ELEPHANTS THAT Start out in Spain, do prety we >Come to the f------ Alps >And I thought the Pyrenees were bad -Hannibal wants to cross them With the tucking elephants suwotm8.scroll -actually cross the alps >Arrive in Italy, me half-dead, most of my buddies completely dead -Hannibal gives an encouraging speech: Although we suffered dearly, we at least... -still have elephants ulookingwotm3.scroll -Eventually get to ight the Romans >"Elephant is confused (and drunk) T tramples the Carthaginians instead of the Romans in confusion 가ave to hide in a f------ swamp where we cant rest Last ofthe elephants die, Hannibal is stricken with grief Later come to some place with Cannae >No elephants left, promptly crush the Roman army Romans s------- themselves, start screaming Hannibal ante portas" (means "Hannibal is out of elephants, I think). Could steamroll all the way to f------ room But Hannibal decides to wait for reinforcements. >Reinforcements of elephants -Now stuck in Italy. Romans keep trolling us but never really attack >Hannibal eventually is recalled to Car仇age after the Romans invade Africa *To make a last stand againsthe Romans, Hannibal is given charge over the Carthaginian defenders .. and 80 elephants > Unsurprisingly, the Romans gain a crushing victory, Carthage is defeated > Through some cruel fate, Hannibal survives and prompby becomes a magistrate ater the war is over Makes some ambitious reforms, but then drives both the Romans and even more Carthaginians against him when he tries to buy himself a few elephants with the tax money he was supposed to give the Romans as part of the war debt >Goes into voluntarily exile And chooses me as his man-servant -Hannibal first goes to Carthago's mother city, Tyre >Antioch us Ⅲ actually recen es him, party out of pr y, party because he also hated he Romans and planned o go to war with them -Hannibal fervently offers to lead a landing force into southern Italy Antiochus almost agrees to that plan untl his courters tell him Hannibal planned to bolster that landing force with mighty elephants Hannibal is handed around the vanious Kingdoms of Asia minor like some sort of a bad-luck charm Never stays for to long in one place because he annoys local rulers with his constant babbling about certain grey-skinned mammals. >They eventually get so mad at him that they threaten to hand him over to the Romans >For once in his life, Hannibal does something right and commits suicide by poisorn -Later historians would romanticize his entre career and death, claiming that his last worlds were some sarcastic comment about how much the Romans hated him >His last words actually were an ongoing rant on how he could have won the second Punic war if the Oligarchy at home had actually sent him his f------ you-know-whats

Greentext Stories
4chan

Tanks

- File: _boko_mika_and_shimada a (120 KB, 1004x654) □Anonymous 01/30/17(Mon)05:46:45 No.5104860 [Reply] >grandpa is 95 years old >was in a British tank batallion during WWII >was stationed in Europe several times during the conflict >was always a role model for me, and a tough guy to heart go visit him the other day at his beach house >brought my laptop with Girls und Panzer on it >thought he would think it fun that old tanks from his time are now used in popular culture >tell him I have something to show him >start with first episode >he just sits there with a blank expression >half way through the episode he asks me to stop asks me to leave him alone >he retreats into his study mumbling something like This is what i fought for haven't heard from him since what do I do? didn't mean to upset him. I really dont want to be unfriendly with my gramps in his last years □ Anonymous 01/30/17(Mon)05:55:04 No.5104870 P> I think a part of me died while reading this
- File: _boko_mika_and_shimada a (120 KB, 1004x654) □Anonymous 01/30/17(Mon)05:46:45 No.5104860 [Reply] >grandpa is 95 years old >was in a British tank batallion during WWII >was stationed in Europe several times during the conflict >was always a role model for me, and a tough guy to heart go visit him the other day at his beach house >brought my laptop with Girls und Panzer on it >thought he would think it fun that old tanks from his time are now used in popular culture >tell him I have something to show him >start with first episode >he just sits there with a blank expression >half way through the episode he asks me to stop asks me to leave him alone >he retreats into his study mumbling something like This is what i fought for haven't heard from him since what do I do? didn't mean to upset him. I really dont want to be unfriendly with my gramps in his last years □ Anonymous 01/30/17(Mon)05:55:04 No.5104870 P> I think a part of me died while reading this

Greentext Stories
4chan tank girls und panzer mika alice shimada boko

Don't play with the heart of a plague doctor

>be me doctor >6th century or some s--- at my doctor stand counting leeches 8 KB JPG former lover approaches eft me for the farmers boy feels bad.parchment >I'm wearing Creepy Doctor mask >she has no idea it's me ol.oiloncanvas > put on deep doctor voice "COME CHILD. WHAT ILNESS IS UPON YE ?" "I believe I have contracted disease of the c--- from the farmers boy" she says ye, right >more like the whole jousting team >Goatish wench.painting take a look at her c--- region >pretend to know which hole the c--- is they don't teach you this stuff at doctor school >"ah, I see what the problem is" >still no idea why there are two c--- holes give her leeches and send her home leeches solve everything >after she leaves go tell Baron about evil witch with two c--- holes >she's burnt at stake >so is farmers boy teach them for breaking this doctors heart mfw
>be me doctor >6th century or some s--- at my doctor stand counting leeches 8 KB JPG former lover approaches eft me for the farmers boy feels bad.parchment >I'm wearing Creepy Doctor mask >she has no idea it's me ol.oiloncanvas > put on deep doctor voice "COME CHILD. WHAT ILNESS IS UPON YE ?" "I believe I have contracted disease of the c--- from the farmers boy" she says ye, right >more like the whole jousting team >Goatish wench.painting take a look at her c--- region >pretend to know which hole the c--- is they don't teach you this stuff at doctor school >"ah, I see what the problem is" >still no idea why there are two c--- holes give her leeches and send her home leeches solve everything >after she leaves go tell Baron about evil witch with two c--- holes >she's burnt at stake >so is farmers boy teach them for breaking this doctors heart mfw

Greentext Stories
plague doctor 4chan green text disease plague

Ghostpuncher

O Ghost Puncher Anonymous 1 1/07/15(Sat)18 48 16 No 34834824 >wou쑈-wooer-wanm 쯔 Don't know if this goes in t/orb/Whevs here's the story. its f------ long but bear with me. friend not in the story tells us about place to get palm readings show up to this shady ass place at 10 in the morming wearing our workout gear ghost bitches already mirin Pstereotypical scraggly gypsy woman shakes our hands and seats us at the table with a crystal ball shispanic heritage kicks in and I nope at the last minute starts grabbing and studying his hand ike a last wil him Pask him if he did any ouija voodoo b------- >says he smashed a hole in the wall when he was drunk liting at home says their was a some type of decorative skull behind it that he now uses as decoration in his bedroom Pat the gym thirty minutes later at fr throws the bar up and ducks just in time salmost impale myself trying to catch the bar snewbie apologizing while friend gets back up and I'm s------- myselfstill >friend looks unfazed and wants to continue -go back to gym and give it to friend rhend looks happier than e to get some sage and silver normal ells me some s--- went down at his house says the power was dead even though his bills were payed and rest of neighborhood had power heard rattling of -saw a silhouette of someone crawi under the kitchen counter friend doesn't believe in ouiia s--- and believes its an intruder or animal friend grabs his pul-up bar and gets ready for sweet fit justice >says he sees what looks like a small humanoid crouched in his weight room -gives zero f---- and tosses the pull-up bar at the windoww calls other friend for advice our lifting group has Pjohnny answers and tells him to burn the sage and carry the silver >TI call my grandmother tomorro署to help, she's one of the medium people" -friend sits down on his couch while the house smells lke old dad up and out goes to his pocket for the silver -instead of warm it was cold >starts to see something dart back and forth across the roonm says highand static triend epitched g filils the house walks over to the weight room and smashes the skull against the wall in a fluid motion 뇌ike imagine walking into a room, tpping over a vase.nen going back to doing what you were doing says house shook, screaming got higher then stopped go off a d out at this I'm very concemed that he said says he doused himself in holy water and started swinging as hard as he could into the darkness only hears the wind breaking on his fists >says he heard the footsteps getting further away from him >wakes up and goes to the gym to tell me this the next day t calls Ptells me's been calling his home phone and leaving angry voice messages for the ghosts >sais he would buy a snake just to flatten it out with a rolling pin unsil it dies -friend goes home again Johnny if liti was ells me it's disturbing how well he is handling the situation >says he went to lifting buddy's house to check up on the sitch lifting buddy walks out of his bathroom naked sthrows in on the floor and kicks it into the living room asks friend is he is scared Uh..sure -says he pulls out an opened ouija board he bought at spencers and uses it as a f------ cutting board >says he repeatedly stabbed the cutting knife into the board when he was not using it breaks the board in half after he's done chopping up tomatoes and throws it in the trash too >they boit' eat grilled chicken salad then Johnny leaves says on the way out lifting buddy goes into the lifting room and puts another crucifix on the wall TM PUTTING JESUS ON THIS WALL AND ILL BE BACK TO F------ MASTURBATE ON MY BENCH PRESS WHILE THINKING ABOUT LUCIFER'S W---- D sabuela goes to lifting buddy's house with a priest the next day >says her abuela and priest were also amazed/disturbed with how lifting buddy is fighting the situation priest actually cowered and mired lifting buddy pissing naked on the satanic bible he bought at some shady bookstore tells priest he walks around naked a lot lately and talks s--- about satan priest leaves before cleansing ssays it was a group of entiies that were very p----- that their shrine was disturbed tellis her that they have no power since liftng buddy isn't remotely scared of anything theyve done lifting buddy walks back into weight room with a dead snake >Check out what I found on the street this morning "takes a bit out apple. a f------ dead snake- puts holy water and salt on it kicks it into the carpet a few times betore peeling it off and throwing it into the trash can in the kitchen a is wtfing at this man's tries to contact the spirits again lifting buddy are scared of ghosts sof my bulky fr -abuela asks what could make them pass on says they did black magic to get revenge on some a------ landlord from way back when -says they had incriminating s--- to shame his family within the wall with the skull lifting buddy goes into the weight room -makes the hole in the wall bigger by throwing a 15 through the wall im not lying about any of this I swear and especially this next part -lifting buddy flips through the papers then wipes his balls with it >abuela hornified crumples them up and throws them into the comer of the room sabuela says "may go have mercy" in spanish then leaves more holes than wall, destroyed at, but like halo descending from the heavens, the bench press and squatting rack are sill there smiles and asks my friend if he did what needed to be done not lyinga tells abuela he uncrumpled the papers and got the address of this bastard papers were only from 60 years ago so the guy was still alive just old as dust finds the address of this guy in some sorta mansion knocks on the door wearing a get swole you must star wars yoda tank top, board shorts, pink sunglasses, and a backwards chicago bulls snapback (johnny said lifting buddy went into a lot of detail about his wardrobe for this) some -lifting buddy holds out the papers and asks for the person in the papers name »Hey, dadi Someone's here to see you. He has documents lifting buddy lets himself in and finds the old man in his studies >'Who are you old man tries to grab at the papers lifting buddy punches the old man in the face you get that!? says it was like some s--- out a movie crouches in his face and sets the old man straight sherlock homes style 늬iting buddy stops mid sentence, lets the guy down, then gut punches him unti he hobbles out ofthe from and pukes in the hallway tells the old man to set s--- right or he will be back for blood aoscu thinks the old man brought some friends and grabs his pull-up bar walks out side in his tank top and house shorts various families are thanking him and giving him home cooked foods thank him for getting their grandparents's properties back the documents were appareny deeds swindled out by the old man families say the whole "we'll never forget your' spiel and leave -triend looks into the tupperware nothing but calories and carbs (cookies, briskets, gumbo) throws it all away and goes back to lifting in his weight room man's n news a few days later apparently he was hated by the community for being a d--- -somehow only heard about him now -don't know if it was from lifting buddy doing more damage than he thought, the ghosts getting their revenge, or natural causes hasn't had any paranormal problems since then except for one -says he went to the kitchen for a late night non-cheating snack and saw full body apparitions -says he grabbed an apple, head nodded while taking a bite, and walked away back to his bedroom around Holy f---, you guys were real? -lifting buddy goes to sleep Lifting buddy still lifts and does inane s--- like he always does. No one f---- with him since the ghost puncher incident Abuela mires every time she's around him. And I think the priest told his priest buddies/church because everyone mires and cowers in grace twice as hard when they are around him. Again, non of this was made up. No walk the dinosaur tend s---. My friend legitimately beat up a
O Ghost Puncher Anonymous 1 1/07/15(Sat)18 48 16 No 34834824 >wou쑈-wooer-wanm 쯔 Don't know if this goes in t/orb/Whevs here's the story. its f------ long but bear with me. friend not in the story tells us about place to get palm readings show up to this shady ass place at 10 in the morming wearing our workout gear ghost bitches already mirin Pstereotypical scraggly gypsy woman shakes our hands and seats us at the table with a crystal ball shispanic heritage kicks in and I nope at the last minute starts grabbing and studying his hand ike a last wil him Pask him if he did any ouija voodoo b------- >says he smashed a hole in the wall when he was drunk liting at home says their was a some type of decorative skull behind it that he now uses as decoration in his bedroom Pat the gym thirty minutes later at fr throws the bar up and ducks just in time salmost impale myself trying to catch the bar snewbie apologizing while friend gets back up and I'm s------- myselfstill >friend looks unfazed and wants to continue -go back to gym and give it to friend rhend looks happier than e to get some sage and silver normal ells me some s--- went down at his house says the power was dead even though his bills were payed and rest of neighborhood had power heard rattling of -saw a silhouette of someone crawi under the kitchen counter friend doesn't believe in ouiia s--- and believes its an intruder or animal friend grabs his pul-up bar and gets ready for sweet fit justice >says he sees what looks like a small humanoid crouched in his weight room -gives zero f---- and tosses the pull-up bar at the windoww calls other friend for advice our lifting group has Pjohnny answers and tells him to burn the sage and carry the silver >TI call my grandmother tomorro署to help, she's one of the medium people" -friend sits down on his couch while the house smells lke old dad up and out goes to his pocket for the silver -instead of warm it was cold >starts to see something dart back and forth across the roonm says highand static triend epitched g filils the house walks over to the weight room and smashes the skull against the wall in a fluid motion 뇌ike imagine walking into a room, tpping over a vase.nen going back to doing what you were doing says house shook, screaming got higher then stopped go off a d out at this I'm very concemed that he said says he doused himself in holy water and started swinging as hard as he could into the darkness only hears the wind breaking on his fists >says he heard the footsteps getting further away from him >wakes up and goes to the gym to tell me this the next day t calls Ptells me's been calling his home phone and leaving angry voice messages for the ghosts >sais he would buy a snake just to flatten it out with a rolling pin unsil it dies -friend goes home again Johnny if liti was ells me it's disturbing how well he is handling the situation >says he went to lifting buddy's house to check up on the sitch lifting buddy walks out of his bathroom naked sthrows in on the floor and kicks it into the living room asks friend is he is scared Uh..sure -says he pulls out an opened ouija board he bought at spencers and uses it as a f------ cutting board >says he repeatedly stabbed the cutting knife into the board when he was not using it breaks the board in half after he's done chopping up tomatoes and throws it in the trash too >they boit' eat grilled chicken salad then Johnny leaves says on the way out lifting buddy goes into the lifting room and puts another crucifix on the wall TM PUTTING JESUS ON THIS WALL AND ILL BE BACK TO F------ MASTURBATE ON MY BENCH PRESS WHILE THINKING ABOUT LUCIFER'S W---- D sabuela goes to lifting buddy's house with a priest the next day >says her abuela and priest were also amazed/disturbed with how lifting buddy is fighting the situation priest actually cowered and mired lifting buddy pissing naked on the satanic bible he bought at some shady bookstore tells priest he walks around naked a lot lately and talks s--- about satan priest leaves before cleansing ssays it was a group of entiies that were very p----- that their shrine was disturbed tellis her that they have no power since liftng buddy isn't remotely scared of anything theyve done lifting buddy walks back into weight room with a dead snake >Check out what I found on the street this morning "takes a bit out apple. a f------ dead snake- puts holy water and salt on it kicks it into the carpet a few times betore peeling it off and throwing it into the trash can in the kitchen a is wtfing at this man's tries to contact the spirits again lifting buddy are scared of ghosts sof my bulky fr -abuela asks what could make them pass on says they did black magic to get revenge on some a------ landlord from way back when -says they had incriminating s--- to shame his family within the wall with the skull lifting buddy goes into the weight room -makes the hole in the wall bigger by throwing a 15 through the wall im not lying about any of this I swear and especially this next part -lifting buddy flips through the papers then wipes his balls with it >abuela hornified crumples them up and throws them into the comer of the room sabuela says "may go have mercy" in spanish then leaves more holes than wall, destroyed at, but like halo descending from the heavens, the bench press and squatting rack are sill there smiles and asks my friend if he did what needed to be done not lyinga tells abuela he uncrumpled the papers and got the address of this bastard papers were only from 60 years ago so the guy was still alive just old as dust finds the address of this guy in some sorta mansion knocks on the door wearing a get swole you must star wars yoda tank top, board shorts, pink sunglasses, and a backwards chicago bulls snapback (johnny said lifting buddy went into a lot of detail about his wardrobe for this) some -lifting buddy holds out the papers and asks for the person in the papers name »Hey, dadi Someone's here to see you. He has documents lifting buddy lets himself in and finds the old man in his studies >'Who are you old man tries to grab at the papers lifting buddy punches the old man in the face you get that!? says it was like some s--- out a movie crouches in his face and sets the old man straight sherlock homes style 늬iting buddy stops mid sentence, lets the guy down, then gut punches him unti he hobbles out ofthe from and pukes in the hallway tells the old man to set s--- right or he will be back for blood aoscu thinks the old man brought some friends and grabs his pull-up bar walks out side in his tank top and house shorts various families are thanking him and giving him home cooked foods thank him for getting their grandparents's properties back the documents were appareny deeds swindled out by the old man families say the whole "we'll never forget your' spiel and leave -triend looks into the tupperware nothing but calories and carbs (cookies, briskets, gumbo) throws it all away and goes back to lifting in his weight room man's n news a few days later apparently he was hated by the community for being a d--- -somehow only heard about him now -don't know if it was from lifting buddy doing more damage than he thought, the ghosts getting their revenge, or natural causes hasn't had any paranormal problems since then except for one -says he went to the kitchen for a late night non-cheating snack and saw full body apparitions -says he grabbed an apple, head nodded while taking a bite, and walked away back to his bedroom around Holy f---, you guys were real? -lifting buddy goes to sleep Lifting buddy still lifts and does inane s--- like he always does. No one f---- with him since the ghost puncher incident Abuela mires every time she's around him. And I think the priest told his priest buddies/church because everyone mires and cowers in grace twice as hard when they are around him. Again, non of this was made up. No walk the dinosaur tend s---. My friend legitimately beat up a

Greentext Stories
/x/ /fit/ 4chan 8chan magic 2015 ghostpuncher ghost puncher

Normal day for anon

: Anonymous 10/05/16(Wed)22:53:29 No.56933906 >using linux in front of class mates teacher says "Ok students, now open photoshop" start furiously tvping away at terminal to install Wine Errors out the ass 88 KB JPG >Everyone else has already started their classwork >l start to sweat >Install GIMP s"Umm...what the f--- is THAT anon?" a girl next to me asks >I tell her its GIMP and can do everything that photoshop does and IT'S FREE! s"Ok class, now draw use the shape tool to draw a circle!" the teacher savs >l f------ break down and cry and run out of the class >I get beat up in the parking lot after school >>56934109 # >>56934178 # >>56934188 # >>56934220 # >>56934403 # >>56935046 # >>56935239 # >>56935476 # 492 # 04 # >> 27 >>56936810 # >>56937107 # >>56937142 # >>56942340 # >>56942658 # >>56949091 # >>56950097 # >>56959649 # 27
: Anonymous 10/05/16(Wed)22:53:29 No.56933906 >using linux in front of class mates teacher says "Ok students, now open photoshop" start furiously tvping away at terminal to install Wine Errors out the ass 88 KB JPG >Everyone else has already started their classwork >l start to sweat >Install GIMP s"Umm...what the f--- is THAT anon?" a girl next to me asks >I tell her its GIMP and can do everything that photoshop does and IT'S FREE! s"Ok class, now draw use the shape tool to draw a circle!" the teacher savs >l f------ break down and cry and run out of the class >I get beat up in the parking lot after school >>56934109 # >>56934178 # >>56934188 # >>56934220 # >>56934403 # >>56935046 # >>56935239 # >>56935476 # 492 # 04 # >> 27 >>56936810 # >>56937107 # >>56937142 # >>56942340 # >>56942658 # >>56949091 # >>56950097 # >>56959649 # 27

Greentext Stories
wine linux photoshop 4chan greentext gimp

"Wait, was I just robbed?"

Anonymous 10/27/16(Thu)07:10:15 No.32360229 File: 223211b5a1.png (440 KB, 632x604) >-32360378 >>32360816 Not really cringe, but I have a story from a friend about missing social cues. Walking around town late at night Reach a guy sitting on the sidewalk, he asks me for money "Sorry man, I don't have any money." >"I have a knife." "Nah, that's okay man, I don't need a knife" Walk away, don't realize I was getting robbed until later that night
Anonymous 10/27/16(Thu)07:10:15 No.32360229 File: 223211b5a1.png (440 KB, 632x604) >-32360378 >>32360816 Not really cringe, but I have a story from a friend about missing social cues. Walking around town late at night Reach a guy sitting on the sidewalk, he asks me for money "Sorry man, I don't have any money." >"I have a knife." "Nah, that's okay man, I don't need a knife" Walk away, don't realize I was getting robbed until later that night

Greentext Stories
robbery 4chan greentext