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Anon is a coomer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/04/21(Wed)15:28:29 No.860341247 >be me >coomer >right handed >right arm is noticeably larger than left one >j------- so often that it takes 10 minutes to coom 343 KB JPG >legitimately working out by jerking off >spend 3 hours searching for new p--- to add to spank bank >no gf no worries Being a coomer has benefits anons
: Anonymous 08/04/21(Wed)15:28:29 No.860341247 >be me >coomer >right handed >right arm is noticeably larger than left one >j------- so often that it takes 10 minutes to coom 343 KB JPG >legitimately working out by jerking off >spend 3 hours searching for new p--- to add to spank bank >no gf no worries Being a coomer has benefits anons

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Anon has a supportive mom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/30/20(Thu)13:10:55 No.519249338 6473598D-4023-475B-A951-647DE715D643.gif 24 KB GIF >Got my first figure the other day of my waifu >displayed it on my pc desk >mom notices it >"oh where did you get this? She's real cute omg" >tell her the video game she's from >mom actually looks up YouTube videos of her >next day >"she's a very sweet girl Anon you need to find a girlfriend like her!" Thanks mom. >>519249454 # >>519249519 # >>519249757 # >>519250135 # >>519250508 # >>519250541 # >>519256940 # >>519257182 # >>519260043 #
: Anonymous 07/30/20(Thu)13:10:55 No.519249338 6473598D-4023-475B-A951-647DE715D643.gif 24 KB GIF >Got my first figure the other day of my waifu >displayed it on my pc desk >mom notices it >"oh where did you get this? She's real cute omg" >tell her the video game she's from >mom actually looks up YouTube videos of her >next day >"she's a very sweet girl Anon you need to find a girlfriend like her!" Thanks mom. >>519249454 # >>519249519 # >>519249757 # >>519250135 # >>519250508 # >>519250541 # >>519256940 # >>519257182 # >>519260043 #

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Anon in elementary school | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Aged 7 >Be in school >Teacher asks "what do cows say?" >Girl in class says "moo" >Teacher says "correct >Teacher asks "what do sheep say?" >Dude in my class says "baa" >Teacher "says "correct" >Teacher asks "what do pigs say?" >l say "Freeze niggerl What's in the bag?!" >Apparently that's not the right answer. Anonymous (ID: Heaven) 01/08/13(Tue)13:45:36 No.449582184 wat Anonymous (ID: nbuyFrWt) 01/08/13(Tue)13:46:03 No.449582258 I lol'd Anonymous (ID: XDboJ59x) 01/08/13(Tue)13:46:44 No.449582376 lol'd
>Be me >Aged 7 >Be in school >Teacher asks "what do cows say?" >Girl in class says "moo" >Teacher says "correct >Teacher asks "what do sheep say?" >Dude in my class says "baa" >Teacher "says "correct" >Teacher asks "what do pigs say?" >l say "Freeze niggerl What's in the bag?!" >Apparently that's not the right answer. Anonymous (ID: Heaven) 01/08/13(Tue)13:45:36 No.449582184 wat Anonymous (ID: nbuyFrWt) 01/08/13(Tue)13:46:03 No.449582258 I lol'd Anonymous (ID: XDboJ59x) 01/08/13(Tue)13:46:44 No.449582376 lol'd

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Anon uses samsung photo editor | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/04/21(Wen)16:20:02 UTC+1 No. 4206969 > be le reddit > do the greentext on phone very cheap > mention Todd Ev Big $ chungus Howard and le dumb reddit awards > get drowned in precious metals > become mod > dont get paid > mfw
Anonymous 08/04/21(Wen)16:20:02 UTC+1 No. 4206969 > be le reddit > do the greentext on phone very cheap > mention Todd Ev Big $ chungus Howard and le dumb reddit awards > get drowned in precious metals > become mod > dont get paid > mfw

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Anon saved by pizza | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/08/14(Mon)20:06:46 No. 15084767 >>15084827 >>15084856 >>15084926 >>15084971 >oniy know two numbers >domino's and suicide hotline >accidentally call domino's when feeling suicidal >guy answering the phone doesn't know what to do >offers me a free pizza >mfw that kept my from killing myself that night >mfw domino's does a better job than the suicide hotline
Anonymous 12/08/14(Mon)20:06:46 No. 15084767 >>15084827 >>15084856 >>15084926 >>15084971 >oniy know two numbers >domino's and suicide hotline >accidentally call domino's when feeling suicidal >guy answering the phone doesn't know what to do >offers me a free pizza >mfw that kept my from killing myself that night >mfw domino's does a better job than the suicide hotline

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Anon Talks to a Chat Bot | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)19:02:46 No.64585499 >have one friend that i talk to through messaging app >notice im always the one starting conversations >i try to not send any messages to see if they will message me unprompted >they never send me anything 75 KB JPG
: Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)19:02:46 No.64585499 >have one friend that i talk to through messaging app >notice im always the one starting conversations >i try to not send any messages to see if they will message me unprompted >they never send me anything 75 KB JPG

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Memes of the future are funny | /r/Greentext

>Be me, old f----- >Year 2080 >Grandkids come in >"Grandad look at this funny meme" >Proceeds to show me a glowing tesseract that sucks me in and makes me feel like I've just been imprisoned in a nightmarish hellscape for 10,000 years >falling through an endless tunnel of razorblades >bleeding out of every orifice >Ohgodmakeitstop >Ear-splitting noise and red light flashes before my eyes >l snap back to reality covered in sweat and vomit on the floor >"How funny is that Grandad Imaooo" >Mfw
>Be me, old f----- >Year 2080 >Grandkids come in >"Grandad look at this funny meme" >Proceeds to show me a glowing tesseract that sucks me in and makes me feel like I've just been imprisoned in a nightmarish hellscape for 10,000 years >falling through an endless tunnel of razorblades >bleeding out of every orifice >Ohgodmakeitstop >Ear-splitting noise and red light flashes before my eyes >l snap back to reality covered in sweat and vomit on the floor >"How funny is that Grandad Imaooo" >Mfw

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Anon has a Christmas Shit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/04/21(Wed)01:57:34 No.860307728 >be me >have family over at my house >go to take a s--- >figured i might as well wank a bit while im there >my dumb ass decided to wank before i p----- and s--- 189 KB PNG >about to climax >suddenly have to sneeze like a bitch >sneeze hard as f--- >experience the rare sensation of farting, s-------, pissing, and c------ simultaneously >reflexively scream in pain as both of my penile tubes discharge at 50 km/hr >also my a------ hurt as well >family heard me from another room and ask if im ok >i say yes >after i finish, i tell them that i just hadnt s--- in a week to try and make it less awkward >probably made it even more awkward i don't know how to proceed from here anons...
: Anonymous 08/04/21(Wed)01:57:34 No.860307728 >be me >have family over at my house >go to take a s--- >figured i might as well wank a bit while im there >my dumb ass decided to wank before i p----- and s--- 189 KB PNG >about to climax >suddenly have to sneeze like a bitch >sneeze hard as f--- >experience the rare sensation of farting, s-------, pissing, and c------ simultaneously >reflexively scream in pain as both of my penile tubes discharge at 50 km/hr >also my a------ hurt as well >family heard me from another room and ask if im ok >i say yes >after i finish, i tell them that i just hadnt s--- in a week to try and make it less awkward >probably made it even more awkward i don't know how to proceed from here anons...

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Anon Finds a Woman | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous (ID: HBFWLN+K) 07/08/14(Tue)13:34:57 No.555440513 File: 1125152.large jpg (20 KB, 443x267) >>555440756 >>555440864 I am constantly doing random acts of kindness for strangers and random ppl in my life. Ive been at it for 6 years now. This is my craziest encounter so far: >meet 19 yo chick at my work > she is slightly chubby and just totally socially awkward > we talk for a while >I am overly nice as usual even though I have no attraction to her > she talks about how guys are stupid >" I'm not stupid " I reply > yeah but you're not into me > she was right. She was a solid 4/10 >I cinge a little as I say "I think you're beautiful " > she turns bright red and is speechless >I ask for # and text her the next day >I gather from her texts that she is a beta kissless virgin > I take her out to eat at one of the more expensive restaurants in town > get her back to her house and she says thanks real awkwardly and starts to exit my car >I grab her arm and pull her in for a kiss while groping at her fat t------ >"can I come inside " > no anon muh grandma is waiting up for me > cool can I meet her > she finally gives in > granny loves me > she tells me funny stories while her land whale granddaughter sits there in embarrassment > we eventually make it up to her room > she was extremely nervous but I get her totally naked and just f--- the f------ s--- out of her in every part of her bedroom > she stops me and says shouldn't we take a break, I think I can hear my granddaughter crying downstairs. It was a good. It felt great knowing I did some good in this world
O Anonymous (ID: HBFWLN+K) 07/08/14(Tue)13:34:57 No.555440513 File: 1125152.large jpg (20 KB, 443x267) >>555440756 >>555440864 I am constantly doing random acts of kindness for strangers and random ppl in my life. Ive been at it for 6 years now. This is my craziest encounter so far: >meet 19 yo chick at my work > she is slightly chubby and just totally socially awkward > we talk for a while >I am overly nice as usual even though I have no attraction to her > she talks about how guys are stupid >" I'm not stupid " I reply > yeah but you're not into me > she was right. She was a solid 4/10 >I cinge a little as I say "I think you're beautiful " > she turns bright red and is speechless >I ask for # and text her the next day >I gather from her texts that she is a beta kissless virgin > I take her out to eat at one of the more expensive restaurants in town > get her back to her house and she says thanks real awkwardly and starts to exit my car >I grab her arm and pull her in for a kiss while groping at her fat t------ >"can I come inside " > no anon muh grandma is waiting up for me > cool can I meet her > she finally gives in > granny loves me > she tells me funny stories while her land whale granddaughter sits there in embarrassment > we eventually make it up to her room > she was extremely nervous but I get her totally naked and just f--- the f------ s--- out of her in every part of her bedroom > she stops me and says shouldn't we take a break, I think I can hear my granddaughter crying downstairs. It was a good. It felt great knowing I did some good in this world

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Anon finds grandpa's pc | /r/Greentext

>visiting my parents house >my grandparents used to live with us, and when I was a kid I would play computer games on my grandpas old ass computer >I talk with my parents for a while, they mention that a bunch of stuff my grandparents owned before they died is in the basement >go to check it out, shelves upon shelves of things I recognize from my childhood >old ass box looking computer covered in dust >no f------ way >boot it up, somehow it still works >age of empires 2 on the desktop >click on it, spends a full 10 minutes starting to run >menu screen comes up, all of my old custom maps are still there >open up one >s----- old map with an overpowered as f--- starting position, basically impossible to lose. >open up another map >"happy birthday grandpa!" Written using a bunch of stone walls >start crying uncontrollably f---
>visiting my parents house >my grandparents used to live with us, and when I was a kid I would play computer games on my grandpas old ass computer >I talk with my parents for a while, they mention that a bunch of stuff my grandparents owned before they died is in the basement >go to check it out, shelves upon shelves of things I recognize from my childhood >old ass box looking computer covered in dust >no f------ way >boot it up, somehow it still works >age of empires 2 on the desktop >click on it, spends a full 10 minutes starting to run >menu screen comes up, all of my old custom maps are still there >open up one >s----- old map with an overpowered as f--- starting position, basically impossible to lose. >open up another map >"happy birthday grandpa!" Written using a bunch of stone walls >start crying uncontrollably f---

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Anon orders online | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/06/21(Sat)10:33:16 No.848945557 >be me, home alone >family is out >browsing /b/ >see an advertisement that says "GET A HUGE C--- IN LESS THAN A DAY" 150 KB PNG >I'm lacking in the meat department, so I click on it >loading >says "Thank you, your order has been received" >I didn't put any info in >hear the front door slam open >yell "hey guys how was the shopping?" >no response >just high pitched giggles >small footsteps, then a thud >the r--- dwarf is coming >mfw
: Anonymous 03/06/21(Sat)10:33:16 No.848945557 >be me, home alone >family is out >browsing /b/ >see an advertisement that says "GET A HUGE C--- IN LESS THAN A DAY" 150 KB PNG >I'm lacking in the meat department, so I click on it >loading >says "Thank you, your order has been received" >I didn't put any info in >hear the front door slam open >yell "hey guys how was the shopping?" >no response >just high pitched giggles >small footsteps, then a thud >the r--- dwarf is coming >mfw

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Anon has a snake | /r/Greentext

>be me >have a pet snake >take a girl over to my house >we are about to get in bed, when she sees my snake >she says she finds snakes creepy 62 KB JPG and leaves >find out 4 days later she had HIV >mfw my pet snake saved my life
>be me >have a pet snake >take a girl over to my house >we are about to get in bed, when she sees my snake >she says she finds snakes creepy 62 KB JPG and leaves >find out 4 days later she had HIV >mfw my pet snake saved my life

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Anon is in fear | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/04/21(Wed)04:35:31 No.860314057 >be me >americunt >125 pounds and 6 foot >go for walks at night >usually see crowds of fatties coming out 16 KB JPG restaurants and other normal f------ >take up the entire f------ sidewalk >obesity rate is rising >people normalizing obesity Anons l'm kindve scared of what's to come, are we doomed to a society of lard balls?
: Anonymous 08/04/21(Wed)04:35:31 No.860314057 >be me >americunt >125 pounds and 6 foot >go for walks at night >usually see crowds of fatties coming out 16 KB JPG restaurants and other normal f------ >take up the entire f------ sidewalk >obesity rate is rising >people normalizing obesity Anons l'm kindve scared of what's to come, are we doomed to a society of lard balls?

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Anon falls victim to the knoife loicense | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/31/21(Sat)02:35:18 No.860005511 >be me >be a wagecuck at tesco (uk) >at register >"I BEG YOUR PARDON!" >Turn around >"Kindly put the quid in the sack lad!" >Knife in my face 49 KB JPG >look at gunman >Hear whitty British remark before being stabbed >Pic related
: Anonymous 07/31/21(Sat)02:35:18 No.860005511 >be me >be a wagecuck at tesco (uk) >at register >"I BEG YOUR PARDON!" >Turn around >"Kindly put the quid in the sack lad!" >Knife in my face 49 KB JPG >look at gunman >Hear whitty British remark before being stabbed >Pic related

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Anon is a furry | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/14/18(Tue)17:49:11 No.47505382 Furry regrets >be me, yesterday 4>Fairly hardcore furry >Beating my meat at 2:00 >Nasty furry s--- >My mom yells at me to take a shower because I 99 KB JPG have a haircut in like 5 minutes >Turn off phone and take a shower >At haircut place, sitting next to my dad. >l open my phone to waste some time >Furry bondage p--- flashes on my screen for about a half a second before I close it >My dad was looking at my phone >Get my hair cut >Drive home in complete silence >My dad doesn't talk to me at all that day or today F---.
: Anonymous 08/14/18(Tue)17:49:11 No.47505382 Furry regrets >be me, yesterday 4>Fairly hardcore furry >Beating my meat at 2:00 >Nasty furry s--- >My mom yells at me to take a shower because I 99 KB JPG have a haircut in like 5 minutes >Turn off phone and take a shower >At haircut place, sitting next to my dad. >l open my phone to waste some time >Furry bondage p--- flashes on my screen for about a half a second before I close it >My dad was looking at my phone >Get my hair cut >Drive home in complete silence >My dad doesn't talk to me at all that day or today F---.

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Anon has depression | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/04/21 (Wed)16:23:23 No.86032315 >Feel depressed >Decide to better my life to cure depression >Gets a job >Find a GF >Move out 25 KB JPG >Make enough money to spend it on what I want >Still feel like s--- Nothing helps 19 Replies / 4 lImages View Thread
: Anonymous 08/04/21 (Wed)16:23:23 No.86032315 >Feel depressed >Decide to better my life to cure depression >Gets a job >Find a GF >Move out 25 KB JPG >Make enough money to spend it on what I want >Still feel like s--- Nothing helps 19 Replies / 4 lImages View Thread

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