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Anon needs to shit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/27/21(Mon)16:15:13 No.863934714 >go to work >all of a sudden, need to s--- really bad >bathrooms here don't work >f---.png >hold in s--- all day >work done, get home as fast as i 12 KB PNG can, browse 4chins for a bit >now i dont feel like i need to s--- is my a------ trolling me
: Anonymous 09/27/21(Mon)16:15:13 No.863934714 >go to work >all of a sudden, need to s--- really bad >bathrooms here don't work >f---.png >hold in s--- all day >work done, get home as fast as i 12 KB PNG can, browse 4chins for a bit >now i dont feel like i need to s--- is my a------ trolling me

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Yo dog whatcha doing | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 205.31.25 NO.863962524 >Just came home and saw something awful >My brother had put peanut butter on his penis and our dog was licking it off >I walked back out of the house and drove off. I'm in a parking lot >My brother won't answer his phone 77 KB JPG >l need to tell him that's my bitch. pic unrelated
: Anonymous 205.31.25 NO.863962524 >Just came home and saw something awful >My brother had put peanut butter on his penis and our dog was licking it off >I walked back out of the house and drove off. I'm in a parking lot >My brother won't answer his phone 77 KB JPG >l need to tell him that's my bitch. pic unrelated

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Anon gets friend zoned | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)15:00:55 No.65554737 >be me >at work >new chick starts talking to me >just talk about random stuff >she mentioned her bf a few times >be few days ago >she messages me >asking how i'm going and such 30 KB JPG >starts talking about her bf what even is this? 8 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)15:00:55 No.65554737 >be me >at work >new chick starts talking to me >just talk about random stuff >she mentioned her bf a few times >be few days ago >she messages me >asking how i'm going and such 30 KB JPG >starts talking about her bf what even is this? 8 Replies View Thread

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Suicide bomber | /r/Greentext

File: yikes.jpg (70 KB, 800x450) O Anonymous 09/27/21(Mon)14:53:11 No.863919043 [Reply] >>863919542 >be me >18 year old ultra virgin >never had a kiss >best friends gf breaks up with him> >we talk about it. she says she needs some "fun" >ohshit.jpg >wants to meet >have never opened a bra before >decide to practice with my moms bra >next morning go to family bathroom. get one of moms bras and start practicing >mom comes in without knocking. sees me on the floor with morning wood handling her bra >walks out without saying a word >mfw
File: yikes.jpg (70 KB, 800x450) O Anonymous 09/27/21(Mon)14:53:11 No.863919043 [Reply] >>863919542 >be me >18 year old ultra virgin >never had a kiss >best friends gf breaks up with him> >we talk about it. she says she needs some "fun" >ohshit.jpg >wants to meet >have never opened a bra before >decide to practice with my moms bra >next morning go to family bathroom. get one of moms bras and start practicing >mom comes in without knocking. sees me on the floor with morning wood handling her bra >walks out without saying a word >mfw

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Gerbro mood lift | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)09:57:27 No.63196651 >6'8 German guy works out at my LA >Looks like techno viking >Hit max effort leg day this morning >Comes up to me and says "JA LOOKING BIG TODAY MY FRIEND" and gives me a thumbs up l'll f------ take it.
: Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)09:57:27 No.63196651 >6'8 German guy works out at my LA >Looks like techno viking >Hit max effort leg day this morning >Comes up to me and says "JA LOOKING BIG TODAY MY FRIEND" and gives me a thumbs up l'll f------ take it.

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Anon has a professor | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)08:30:46 No.65554532 > Be me > Anti-social loser in CS masters program > TA'ing because I like to torture myself > Professors complain that too many students are getting away with cheating in the junior and senior classes because they're to lazy to update the curriculum and GitHub exists > Tell prof I'm TA'ing for that I bet if he 17 KB JPG pretends to be a student and shares around some private git with a doctored project that only works for the auto-graded question but failed hand checks that he could catch a bunch of lazy retards cheating. > Made this comment last spring, forget completely. > Cut to today. > TA'ing still > This last weekend the first capstone class had their first project due > Dreading grading that, but w/e > Wake up this morning > Email from professor > "Thanks for the advice, hope you get a kick out of it." > Attached: Cheaters dot zip > Professor sent me a zip file containing a ton of evidence he gathered of students cheating. M----------- made a discord pretending to be a student, shared around a general solution to the first project that will only work with the auto grader questions but will fail everything else. 22/100 students failed his hand check on a first pass. The punishment for cheating in the capstone is immediate expulsion at this uni and he posted on canvas that he has a "big" announcement to make today. So, how was everyone's morning going? Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)09:17:19 No.65554880 bad, f--- you 916 KB PNG
Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)08:30:46 No.65554532 > Be me > Anti-social loser in CS masters program > TA'ing because I like to torture myself > Professors complain that too many students are getting away with cheating in the junior and senior classes because they're to lazy to update the curriculum and GitHub exists > Tell prof I'm TA'ing for that I bet if he 17 KB JPG pretends to be a student and shares around some private git with a doctored project that only works for the auto-graded question but failed hand checks that he could catch a bunch of lazy retards cheating. > Made this comment last spring, forget completely. > Cut to today. > TA'ing still > This last weekend the first capstone class had their first project due > Dreading grading that, but w/e > Wake up this morning > Email from professor > "Thanks for the advice, hope you get a kick out of it." > Attached: Cheaters dot zip > Professor sent me a zip file containing a ton of evidence he gathered of students cheating. M----------- made a discord pretending to be a student, shared around a general solution to the first project that will only work with the auto grader questions but will fail everything else. 22/100 students failed his hand check on a first pass. The punishment for cheating in the capstone is immediate expulsion at this uni and he posted on canvas that he has a "big" announcement to make today. So, how was everyone's morning going? Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)09:17:19 No.65554880 bad, f--- you 916 KB PNG

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Anon has had enough. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)15:49:03 No.863970952 >be me >student >taking computer science related class >each lecture the professor is going through his slide set and discussing different topics >have a very hard time following him and understanding the general topic 181 KB GIF because the prof is always jumping from one subtopic to another >say "enough is enough" and download the book he is referencing >mfw the whole subject makes sense after going through the book for only a couple of hours >mfw my professor has no clue how to teach the subject properly Why are professors like this?
: Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)15:49:03 No.863970952 >be me >student >taking computer science related class >each lecture the professor is going through his slide set and discussing different topics >have a very hard time following him and understanding the general topic 181 KB GIF because the prof is always jumping from one subtopic to another >say "enough is enough" and download the book he is referencing >mfw the whole subject makes sense after going through the book for only a couple of hours >mfw my professor has no clue how to teach the subject properly Why are professors like this?

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Anon reminisces about the good old faps | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/29/21(Sun)20:54:17 No.65184636 >be me >shut in more than usual lately >feeling a little nostalgic >open favorite p--- website >sort by date, reversed >tons of s----- sex tapes filmed on 196 KB PNG camcorders circa 2010 / 2011 >no production value >no absurd ass shaking >no asburd ahegao faces >no dumbass 20 year olds trying to get rich by making pornagrphy >only dumbass 20 year olds filming themselves having sex in an era where there were little consequences to doing so >shed a tear p--- has changed
: Anonymous 08/29/21(Sun)20:54:17 No.65184636 >be me >shut in more than usual lately >feeling a little nostalgic >open favorite p--- website >sort by date, reversed >tons of s----- sex tapes filmed on 196 KB PNG camcorders circa 2010 / 2011 >no production value >no absurd ass shaking >no asburd ahegao faces >no dumbass 20 year olds trying to get rich by making pornagrphy >only dumbass 20 year olds filming themselves having sex in an era where there were little consequences to doing so >shed a tear p--- has changed

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I can't breed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)03:13:24 No.65552401 >Be me, socially retarded >No friends, loser in high school >Decide to become cop >Get a call to a house party >Arrive on scene >Realize its a bunch of high school 368 KB PNG dumbfucks >ohshit.jpg >Pull everyone out, sit them on curb >Call for backup >Take each and every one of these dumbfucks to the station >Bust every single one of them for underage drinking >Each one of these dumbfucks now has a criminal record >MFW the squad applauds my efforts at keeping the neighborhood safe Being a cop is based
: Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)03:13:24 No.65552401 >Be me, socially retarded >No friends, loser in high school >Decide to become cop >Get a call to a house party >Arrive on scene >Realize its a bunch of high school 368 KB PNG dumbfucks >ohshit.jpg >Pull everyone out, sit them on curb >Call for backup >Take each and every one of these dumbfucks to the station >Bust every single one of them for underage drinking >Each one of these dumbfucks now has a criminal record >MFW the squad applauds my efforts at keeping the neighborhood safe Being a cop is based

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Anon shares most painful experience | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/30/14(Tue)20:02:27 No.589304291 File: download jpg (6 KB. 275x183) >>589306441 >>589301836 (OP) >11 years old >Phone rings >"hey Anon is your sister in?" >"yeah two secs let me get her for you" >go to sisters room >knock on door >door opens >Go to step inside, sister is at the door >Snatches phone from my hand >slams door >mfw my foot was still in the doorway >mfw not wearing socks >mfw bottom of door catches my big toenail The whole nail ripped off, worst pain ive ever been in.
Anonymous 12/30/14(Tue)20:02:27 No.589304291 File: download jpg (6 KB. 275x183) >>589306441 >>589301836 (OP) >11 years old >Phone rings >"hey Anon is your sister in?" >"yeah two secs let me get her for you" >go to sisters room >knock on door >door opens >Go to step inside, sister is at the door >Snatches phone from my hand >slams door >mfw my foot was still in the doorway >mfw not wearing socks >mfw bottom of door catches my big toenail The whole nail ripped off, worst pain ive ever been in.

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Helping hand | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)03:24:59 No.65552494 >be me >senior year of high school >best friend dies in a car accident >ex gf calls me to see if I'm ok >haven't talked to her since freshman year 131 KB PNG >offers to come pick me and take her to her place so l'm not alone >I go just because l'd rather cry in front of her than in front of my friends >she picks me up in her mom's van >we chit chat a little bit but l'm mostly quiet because I'm still processing my best friend's death >we get to her house and go to her room >no one's home >we sit on her bad and talk about feelings for a little bit >she puts her arm around me to comfort me >don't think anything of it until she starts chewing on my ear >she puts her hand in my pants and starts fondling my balls >can't get hard because I'm too sad >when I don't respond to her advances she stops and I excuse myself >just leave her house and walk home
: Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)03:24:59 No.65552494 >be me >senior year of high school >best friend dies in a car accident >ex gf calls me to see if I'm ok >haven't talked to her since freshman year 131 KB PNG >offers to come pick me and take her to her place so l'm not alone >I go just because l'd rather cry in front of her than in front of my friends >she picks me up in her mom's van >we chit chat a little bit but l'm mostly quiet because I'm still processing my best friend's death >we get to her house and go to her room >no one's home >we sit on her bad and talk about feelings for a little bit >she puts her arm around me to comfort me >don't think anything of it until she starts chewing on my ear >she puts her hand in my pants and starts fondling my balls >can't get hard because I'm too sad >when I don't respond to her advances she stops and I excuse myself >just leave her house and walk home

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It's not that easy being green | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/27/21(Mon)21:03:45 No.65549016 >Read greentext about some fat retard the OP knew >Fat retard had a pet lizard >Fat retard abused lizard by making it obese >Have a pet lizard myself, so instantly feel bad for it >Cont. reading >Fat retard apparently killed lizard after stepping 1.35 MB PNG on it >Feel sad now >Tell lizard that I won't do that to him >Doesn't understand a word I say, but that doesn't bother me >Still love my little scaly retard RIP Lizard-fren
: Anonymous 09/27/21(Mon)21:03:45 No.65549016 >Read greentext about some fat retard the OP knew >Fat retard had a pet lizard >Fat retard abused lizard by making it obese >Have a pet lizard myself, so instantly feel bad for it >Cont. reading >Fat retard apparently killed lizard after stepping 1.35 MB PNG on it >Feel sad now >Tell lizard that I won't do that to him >Doesn't understand a word I say, but that doesn't bother me >Still love my little scaly retard RIP Lizard-fren

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Anon gets a promotion | /r/Greentext

>be me >friend invites me out for drinks >I have work in the morning >f--- it >get plastered >wake up for work next day >still very drunk 38 KB JPG >herewego.png >somehow make it to work in one piece >"Hey annon what's up?" >"good and you?" >awkward silence >suddenly have a bright idea >decide to power nap in storage closet to sober up >set alarm on phone for 30 minutes >wake up 10 hours later, hungover >slept through my alarm >s---.jpeg >think I'm gonna be fired >f--- it, time to go home >boss sees me on the way out >"Wow anon, you look beat. Thanks for staying late today. I appreciate it" >talks to me about a possible promotion >mfw work is easy
>be me >friend invites me out for drinks >I have work in the morning >f--- it >get plastered >wake up for work next day >still very drunk 38 KB JPG >herewego.png >somehow make it to work in one piece >"Hey annon what's up?" >"good and you?" >awkward silence >suddenly have a bright idea >decide to power nap in storage closet to sober up >set alarm on phone for 30 minutes >wake up 10 hours later, hungover >slept through my alarm >s---.jpeg >think I'm gonna be fired >f--- it, time to go home >boss sees me on the way out >"Wow anon, you look beat. Thanks for staying late today. I appreciate it" >talks to me about a possible promotion >mfw work is easy

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Anon has based friends | /r/Greentext

6h (9/27 14:15) · 65540837 48 Re · 2 Img · PNG 393KB (480 × 479) 10 Replies >meet a woman online >meet up for dinner >shes nice >stalk her social media and quickly notice she leans left >mention this to my friends >they tell me to drop her What do and for reference I am in in the libertarian right pool
6h (9/27 14:15) · 65540837 48 Re · 2 Img · PNG 393KB (480 × 479) 10 Replies >meet a woman online >meet up for dinner >shes nice >stalk her social media and quickly notice she leans left >mention this to my friends >they tell me to drop her What do and for reference I am in in the libertarian right pool

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Anon speaks about women | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/27/21(Mon)18:34:38 No.863935699 What was the experience that changed your outlook on relationships? > be me > have huge crush on girl > not as pretty as my usual girls but 136 KB JPG she holds a good conversation > talk everyday > know intimate information about each other > both know what the situation is > ask if she wants to be gf > says she isn't looking for a relationship right now > eludes to the fact that she might at a later date > few months pass > we talk > mention it again during conversation > she says she likes somebody else > ask why she didn't just tell me that weeks ago > gives evasive answers > mad because she lied not because she doesn't wanna date > she goes home "crying" > get pissy message from her roommate threatening me > tell them to f--- off Not spoken since and the entire thing left me feeling a bit empty. I'd spent months getting close and learning about this one person only for them to betray me with lies. Why do they do it /b/? 14 Replies / 3 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 09/27/21(Mon)18:34:38 No.863935699 What was the experience that changed your outlook on relationships? > be me > have huge crush on girl > not as pretty as my usual girls but 136 KB JPG she holds a good conversation > talk everyday > know intimate information about each other > both know what the situation is > ask if she wants to be gf > says she isn't looking for a relationship right now > eludes to the fact that she might at a later date > few months pass > we talk > mention it again during conversation > she says she likes somebody else > ask why she didn't just tell me that weeks ago > gives evasive answers > mad because she lied not because she doesn't wanna date > she goes home "crying" > get pissy message from her roommate threatening me > tell them to f--- off Not spoken since and the entire thing left me feeling a bit empty. I'd spent months getting close and learning about this one person only for them to betray me with lies. Why do they do it /b/? 14 Replies / 3 Images View Thread

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Anon tells us an ironic story | /r/Greentext

1/8 · OJj3rlXs (OP) · 5h (9/28 5:23)·341170076 152 Re 36 Img JPG 169KB (930 × 574) 42 Replies >8 Marxist female mountain climbers who wanted to prove women were just as good at mountain climbing as men. >Picked the easiest peak. >Refused any help from men along the route. >When asked over the radio by A MAN *yuck* how they were doing, gave evasive answers "we're fine!", even though one of them was sick and dying. >Get disoriented in the snow and all 8 women end up freezing to death. >All male search party comes and retrieves their bodies. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPo33ouQWOE •..
1/8 · OJj3rlXs (OP) · 5h (9/28 5:23)·341170076 152 Re 36 Img JPG 169KB (930 × 574) 42 Replies >8 Marxist female mountain climbers who wanted to prove women were just as good at mountain climbing as men. >Picked the easiest peak. >Refused any help from men along the route. >When asked over the radio by A MAN *yuck* how they were doing, gave evasive answers "we're fine!", even though one of them was sick and dying. >Get disoriented in the snow and all 8 women end up freezing to death. >All male search party comes and retrieves their bodies. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPo33ouQWOE •..

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