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British Cooking Shows

soul nate @MNateShyamalan british cooking shows: tell us about this wee tart youve made, the crust is just lovely american cooking shows: we've replaced your knives with philips head screwdrivers & released raccoons in the kitchen. the clock is set for 30 seconds, please bake us peace in the middle east
soul nate @MNateShyamalan british cooking shows: tell us about this wee tart youve made, the crust is just lovely american cooking shows: we've replaced your knives with philips head screwdrivers & released raccoons in the kitchen. the clock is set for 30 seconds, please bake us peace in the middle east

Twitter / X
suspiciously specific sus specific oddly specific

We Have Some Questions

Piano (free, not haunted, pickup only) - $1 (Lutz) image 1 of 4 Free piano (you pick it up). Lester circa 1966. Lutz area. Not possessed or haunted in any way. Tuned less than 24 months ago; played by human hands -6 minutes since. Not a player piano - does not play by itself. Comes with bench. Has wheels. Please take this out of my home.
Piano (free, not haunted, pickup only) - $1 (Lutz) image 1 of 4 Free piano (you pick it up). Lester circa 1966. Lutz area. Not possessed or haunted in any way. Tuned less than 24 months ago; played by human hands -6 minutes since. Not a player piano - does not play by itself. Comes with bench. Has wheels. Please take this out of my home.

Twitter / X
suspiciously specific sus specific oddly specific

Cookies

Sooz @CruisinSoozan I'm not sure how many cookies it takes to be happy, but so far it's not twenty seven. 10:31 PM : 15 Jul 19 · Twitter for iPhone
Sooz @CruisinSoozan I'm not sure how many cookies it takes to be happy, but so far it's not twenty seven. 10:31 PM : 15 Jul 19 · Twitter for iPhone

Twitter / X
suspiciously specific sus specific oddly specific

Don't Let Your Kids Eat It

Check your kids Halloween candy carefully. Someone tried to hide The S.S. Edmund Fitzgerald, pride of the great lakes fleet.
Check your kids Halloween candy carefully. Someone tried to hide The S.S. Edmund Fitzgerald, pride of the great lakes fleet.

Twitter / X
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Vegas Ain't Ready

Arslan ... @thega1nz Dudes be like "Vegas ain't ready for us" like Vegas ain't ever seen 4 dudes in a Macy's button down split a room at Golden Nugget & wait 3 hours in the club line just to drink a bud light, post a story and then lose $35 on a BlackJack table on the way back to the room
Arslan ... @thega1nz Dudes be like "Vegas ain't ready for us" like Vegas ain't ever seen 4 dudes in a Macy's button down split a room at Golden Nugget & wait 3 hours in the club line just to drink a bud light, post a story and then lose $35 on a BlackJack table on the way back to the room

Twitter / X
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Wii Sports Was the Best

nataleigh @natisnotlame it's so sad that's kids will never know the simple pleasure of playing Wii Sports tennis on a Saturday afternoon in 2006 while you parents yell about getting a divorce in the other room
nataleigh @natisnotlame it's so sad that's kids will never know the simple pleasure of playing Wii Sports tennis on a Saturday afternoon in 2006 while you parents yell about getting a divorce in the other room

Twitter / X
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Valid Argument

Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz Q is too high up in the alphabet. I respect it but it has no place between P and R. Should be at the end with the weirdo/goth letters
Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz Q is too high up in the alphabet. I respect it but it has no place between P and R. Should be at the end with the weirdo/goth letters

Twitter / X
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High-Pressure Situation

Michael @ogpnxl What is a random thing that gives you anxiety? 10-Click Shawty @Just_Cardo Trying to put my change in my wallet at the cash register while people in line put pressure on me by just standing lol
Michael @ogpnxl What is a random thing that gives you anxiety? 10-Click Shawty @Just_Cardo Trying to put my change in my wallet at the cash register while people in line put pressure on me by just standing lol

Twitter / X
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You Guys Fold Your Clothes?

Daniel Munro @dk_munro Middle aged happiness is discovering that the next load of laundry to fold is just 8 bath towels and not 46 pieces of small human clothes.
Daniel Munro @dk_munro Middle aged happiness is discovering that the next load of laundry to fold is just 8 bath towels and not 46 pieces of small human clothes.

Twitter / X
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Why I Always Have So Many Bags

Michael Halloween Name, @Home_Halfway ME REGULARLY: *uses the same 3 things at home* ME PACKING FOR VACATION: I wonder if l'll need 4 French horns or 5
Michael Halloween Name, @Home_Halfway ME REGULARLY: *uses the same 3 things at home* ME PACKING FOR VACATION: I wonder if l'll need 4 French horns or 5

Twitter / X
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Yes or No?

raina O @quakerraina Your wife has been kidnapped and is being held in a location 30 mins away. You're driving to rescue her. It's a warm night and your windows are down. Do you listen to music on the drive there yes or no 8:12 PM · 2021-02-26 · Twitter for iPhone 6,237 Retweets 3,912 Quote Tweets 115K Likes
raina O @quakerraina Your wife has been kidnapped and is being held in a location 30 mins away. You're driving to rescue her. It's a warm night and your windows are down. Do you listen to music on the drive there yes or no 8:12 PM · 2021-02-26 · Twitter for iPhone 6,237 Retweets 3,912 Quote Tweets 115K Likes

Twitter / X
suspiciously specific sus specific oddly specific

Jesse Kelly's hot take about opportunities in today’s job market

<blockquote>Kelly was born in Steubenville, Ohio. He joined the U.S. Marine Corps in 2000, deployed to Iraq in 2003, and was honorably discharged in 2004. Kelly then returned to <b>his family's construction business</b> in Arizona as a project manager.</blockquote>
<blockquote>Kelly was born in Steubenville, Ohio. He joined the U.S. Marine Corps in 2000, deployed to Iraq in 2003, and was honorably discharged in 2004. Kelly then returned to <b>his family's construction business</b> in Arizona as a project manager.</blockquote>

Twitter / X
jesse kelly job market reject modernity embrace tradition

hooters girls meme

rob @OkButStill hooters girls barely care if i'm happy or sad 8:50 PM · Oct 22, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone
rob @OkButStill hooters girls barely care if i'm happy or sad 8:50 PM · Oct 22, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone

Twitter / X
tweet twitter meme funny

"Punished Kevin"

DJ @SwisherSwords Naming my second son "Punished Kevin" after my first son Kevin died mid birth. 8:09 AM · Oct 22, 2021 · Twitter for Android 122 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 2,253 Likes
DJ @SwisherSwords Naming my second son "Punished Kevin" after my first son Kevin died mid birth. 8:09 AM · Oct 22, 2021 · Twitter for Android 122 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 2,253 Likes

Twitter / X
tweet twitter meme funny

green tea shot

rob @catholicdad420 my politics are that l'm 22 and that means sometimes I have to buy a girl something called a “green tea shot" 1:53 AM · Oct 24, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone
rob @catholicdad420 my politics are that l'm 22 and that means sometimes I have to buy a girl something called a “green tea shot" 1:53 AM · Oct 24, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone

Twitter / X
tweet twitter meme funny

brutal

ivy ruth @BLOODSAD well if it isnt Most F kable Armpits 2014 ... what brings you to the 711 at 5 am 10:30 AM · Oct 24, 2021 · Twitter Web App
ivy ruth @BLOODSAD well if it isnt Most F kable Armpits 2014 ... what brings you to the 711 at 5 am 10:30 AM · Oct 24, 2021 · Twitter Web App

Twitter / X
tweet twitter meme funny