Counter-Strike - What kind of mirror universe is this?

"Violent Video Game Teaches Child How to Diffuse Bomb by Staring at it Intensely… In Russian"

That's it? I was hoping the kids surfed across the city, rammed a knife into the back of a bad-guy at 1200 mph, twirled around, and then unboxed their lunch boxes only to find a stepped-on box of raisins and a disgusting Nova skin.