EriUmi Fever January 14 at 9:56pm . Mixed Feelings, Lots of it Yesterday was a really s----- day. I saw people having mental breakdown left and right, everywhere. It's terrifying... A lot of stuff needs to be addressed, but I'll only talk from my point of view (I'm a little weird so bear with me) It hurts Not the type of hurt where I want to cry out in pain, or scream, or curse out loud. It's more like getting emotionally drained then someone drowned me in the sea. I don't turn against the ship, her, or him. Not worth it. I am reflecting at how she could make me happy before the news, and it'll be so wrong and hypocrite of me to act like l own her and deny her happiness just because she is not with Nanjo, no matter how much I wish they are together. But that doesn't mean I have to fake happiness for her either. This is where my biggest problem with fandom labels lies I hate it when people say, "if you love your idol (or even some claim "if you're a Love Liver"), then you should be happy and support her if she's happy!" Does anyone realize how cult-like that statement sound? We all are human here, with feelings. We are entitled to our own feelings, no matter how shallow or ridiculous it might be, as long as we don't disturb or shove it down other people's throat. To be honest (and very delusional of me), I feel betrayed. It's like being strung along by the ship, even though that might not be their intention at all The main reason I ship Eli and Umi is because of them. I even ship them first before I ship their characters together. But no matter how painful it feels I'm still grateful of the ship, and her Because of them, I got friends here. I saw the world in different perspective. I have the courage to be back again at writing, then publish it despite the fact of how insecure I am toward my writing ability. I strive to improve because she is... she is like that. I used to be severely depressed and just seeing her smile made me smile too. She literally brightened up my day and that really sounds like I'm in love with her which is weird since I'm never romantically or sexually attracted to her. Honestly, if yesterday was about Nanjo, I wouldn't react as badly and continued my shipping activity like nothing happened. It's because... it's her. So despite the pain and mixed up feelings, I can't hate her. But I don't like her, and them anymore, though Some people have problems accepting it, and some of you who selfishly confront the others that are like that, telling us it's so foolish and childish to give up on her, you certainly must know that it's our right to do so. We have feelings too like the rest of the fandom. Whatever the reasons we give up you should understand that every single of the fans, has different thing to look up on her, individually, so you can't just force the person to stay because "moving on" is also the other choice beside "staying" Cry, eat a lot of ice cream, vent out, mourn for the occurrence, distract yourself with a new ship. Hell, get laid! Masturbate if you don't have a partner, all those chemicals released during orgasm is really good for your body. But don't be petty. Don't be an idiot by calling her or his name. Grow up. Stay or move on For the status of this fan page, I have to declare that I'm leaving from this place, and fandom, completely. I know that they're (separately) two different things, but that doesn't change the fact that Umi is still a part of her... she still very much reminds me of her PS: I can't even bring myself to write down her name, how can anyone even expect me to continue all of this? PPS: I perhaps will be hanging around with YouMari or KanaDia. I won't be affected if another scandal surfaces about their seivuus because I'm not emotionally invested in any of them, as bad as it would be (but it's all still too much for me, I'm not sure if I still want to stay in LL fandom any longer).

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EriUmi Fever January 14 at 9:56pm . Mixed Feelings, Lots of it Yesterday was a really s----- day. I saw people having mental breakdown left and right, everywhere. It's terrifying... A lot of stuff needs to be addressed, but I'll only talk from my point of view (I'm a little weird so bear with me) It hurts Not the type of hurt where I want to cry out in pain, or scream, or curse out loud. It's more like getting emotionally drained then someone drowned me in the sea. I don't turn against the ship, her, or him. Not worth it. I am reflecting at how she could make me happy before the news, and it'll be so wrong and hypocrite of me to act like l own her and deny her happiness just because she is not with Nanjo, no matter how much I wish they are together. But that doesn't mean I have to fake happiness for her either. This is where my biggest problem with fandom labels lies I hate it when people say, "if you love your idol (or even some claim "if you're a Love Liver"), then you should be happy and support her if she's happy!" Does anyone realize how cult-like that statement sound? We all are human here, with feelings. We are entitled to our own feelings, no matter how shallow or ridiculous it might be, as long as we don't disturb or shove it down other people's throat. To be honest (and very delusional of me), I feel betrayed. It's like being strung along by the ship, even though that might not be their intention at all The main reason I ship Eli and Umi is because of them. I even ship them first before I ship their characters together. But no matter how painful it feels I'm still grateful of the ship, and her Because of them, I got friends here. I saw the world in different perspective. I have the courage to be back again at writing, then publish it despite the fact of how insecure I am toward my writing ability. I strive to improve because she is... she is like that. I used to be severely depressed and just seeing her smile made me smile too. She literally brightened up my day and that really sounds like I'm in love with her which is weird since I'm never romantically or sexually attracted to her. Honestly, if yesterday was about Nanjo, I wouldn't react as badly and continued my shipping activity like nothing happened. It's because... it's her. So despite the pain and mixed up feelings, I can't hate her. But I don't like her, and them anymore, though Some people have problems accepting it, and some of you who selfishly confront the others that are like that, telling us it's so foolish and childish to give up on her, you certainly must know that it's our right to do so. We have feelings too like the rest of the fandom. Whatever the reasons we give up you should understand that every single of the fans, has different thing to look up on her, individually, so you can't just force the person to stay because "moving on" is also the other choice beside "staying" Cry, eat a lot of ice cream, vent out, mourn for the occurrence, distract yourself with a new ship. Hell, get laid! Masturbate if you don't have a partner, all those chemicals released during orgasm is really good for your body. But don't be petty. Don't be an idiot by calling her or his name. Grow up. Stay or move on For the status of this fan page, I have to declare that I'm leaving from this place, and fandom, completely. I know that they're (separately) two different things, but that doesn't change the fact that Umi is still a part of her... she still very much reminds me of her PS: I can't even bring myself to write down her name, how can anyone even expect me to continue all of this? PPS: I perhaps will be hanging around with YouMari or KanaDia. I won't be affected if another scandal surfaces about their seivuus because I'm not emotionally invested in any of them, as bad as it would be (but it's all still too much for me, I'm not sure if I still want to stay in LL fandom any longer).

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