I think this one is cuter

What th’ fook did yew jest fooking say ‘boot me, yew li’l bitch? Oi'll have yew know I graduated top o’ my class in th’ Navy Seals, an’ Oi've been ‘volved in noomerous secret raids on Al-Kaida, an’ I have over tree-’unred confirmed kills. I’m trained in gorilla warfare an’ Oi'm th’ top sniper in th’ entire Sco’ish armed forces. Yew are no’ing ta me but jest ano’er target. I will wipe yew th’ fook out with precision th’ likes o’ which has never been seen before on this Eart’, mark my fooking words. Yew think yew can get away wi’ saying that shite ta me over th’ Internet? Think again, fooker. As we speak I am conta’ing my secret network o’ spies across th’ Highlands an’ yer IP is being traced right now so yew better prepare for th’ storm, maggot. Th’ storm that wipes out th’ pathetic little thing yew call yer life. Yer fooking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, an’ I can kill yew in over seven hundred ways, an’ that's jest with my bare hands. No’ on’y am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access ta th’ entire arsenal o’ Marine Sco’lan’ an’ I will use it ta its full extent ta wipe yer miserable ass off th’ face o’ th’ island, yew little shite. If only yew could have known what unholy retribution yer little "clever" comment was about ta bring down upon yew, maybe yew would have held yer fooking tongue. But yew couldn', yew didn', an’ now yer paying th’ price, yew goddamn idiot. I will shite fury all over yew and yew will drown in it. Yer fooking dead, kiddo.