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Starter Packs - The "So you just started working at a corporate social utopia" starter pack | /r/starterpacks

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

So you just started working at A Corporate Social Utopia starter pack We do things a little different around here! 45 minute commute One-on-One meetings to see how well you're adjusting/conforming Morning Meetings 3x a week Why not join the rest of your Topics may include: -Family - God -Prayer -Weekly goals coworkers at Torchy's Tacos?! (or else) -Church TORCHY'S - Your kids One person MUST email a motivational quote and image to everyone in the group. This is not optional and you WILL take it seriously. N.IN nila Remember what he told you: "We only hire 2% of all applicants, so if you don't fit in in one department, we'll find you a spot somewhere."*** Peduin Oklahoma City Direct correlation between how Your neck of the woods comfortable your chair is and how much your coworkers like you. Better not catch COVID-19. If you do here are your options: -leave without pay Every department head is a white guy over 50 -use your vacation** Avoid discomfort by minimizing your faux pas when answering rhetorical questions: Answer internal phone calls by running your greeting together. Ex: This is Ashley x Thisashley / **leave, vacation, and insurace don't start until day 91. Constant supply of brownies. Ex: "Did you get a haircut?" "No, my feline leukemia is flaring up again." Business casual!* "No, what do you-OH GOD WHERE IS MY HAIR" (It's weird if you don't "swing by" to celebrate so-and- so's birthday by having a socially-mandated brownie) "Yes, I did. Lots of diversity! (if you're neurotypical) The parking lot is huge. The buildings are far from it. You have to wait for Edgy marketing department. Your meetings may include phrases like "beating this horse to f---"! (No girls allowed) *It's weird if you don't have the newst iPhone and AirPods. Please your computer to start. You have to log into the hours sheet. THEN you can clock in. Look, a Hallway Friend! Don't worry, he's not a security guard, he's an actual city police officer. He and lots of his friends don't rock the boat. (Twice late gets you fired) (A minute over is "late") (You have a good chance of starting at 7:30am) will keep a good eye on the place! #LOVE Make sure everyone Why on earth would you eat Sofia can smell your lotion while you talk about what your husband has done THIS time lunch alone??? The founder is, in your therapist's opinion from having met the guy after he got back from a 3-week teambuilding retreat, a sociopathic narcisist. You can decorate your part of the cubicle like it's freshman year all over again! to get himself in the doghouse. Don't forget to use CSC... ***This is actually not true. Mark your calendar for the 15th each month (pay period end). If you have your one-on- one date changed to the 15th, you're actually getting fired. You'll get snuck down to a tiny office in HR, thinking you're still going to have your one-on- one, by the department head while your direct supervisor boxes your stuff. corporate S - social C - compliance Google ...to navigate what just appears be meaningless drivel and social noises people make at each other for 9 hours Uh oh! Looks like ya got fired! What did they tell you?? - "It's just not working out" -"It's not a good fit" Better up your data plan because Google is blocked. Everything is blocked. And you have to use

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