47 KB JPG Typical everyday average British morning: >wake up >bobby knocks on door >"oi! open up you cheeky bastard and show me your sleeping licence!" >fumble around and finally find my licence >"s-sorry good sir. It's right here... God save the Queen." >bobby peers in and catches a glimpse of me telly >"halt! where's your TV licence you c---?!" >"draw TV licence from me wallet" >bobby gives a look like the bloody Queen's dodger >"oi mate! where's your permit for this licence?" >show him my licence permit >"this licence permit is expired. I'm taking you in!" >bobby draws his toy gun >stab him with my unregistered butterknife

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Anonymous 139 KB JPG 12/19/24(Thu)15:28:13 No.928849473 >Be Rose >Throw away a priceless jewel worth hundreds of millions of dollars >Could have made her family financially secure for generations but says no for le epic symbolism >Reminisces about the man that saved her, but also hogs the floating door like a selfish pig, killing him. (Watch the Mythbusters episode) This is one of the greatest love stories ever told? Dude, Rose is a f------ bitch.

Anonymous (ID: 9Mc0Hnwf 12/19/24(Thu)15:49:03 No.491828169 1.94 MB JPG >sells your gold reserves >basically completely crashes your economy >Canadian dollar crashes >tells leafs to anhero with suicide pods if they get too sick >imports 6 gorillion pajeets to fight over a single Tim Horton's >gets offended when basically only neighbor that has been decent says they would be better off annexed Why leafs? Why?

: Anonymous 05/26/22(Thu)13:13:15 No.68790277 196 KB PNG >Go on omegle >say im interested in politics >match up >ask them about their political opinion >take the radical extreme opposite of the answer >get them riled up >write a question of catalogues >they type for over 2 minutes >disconnect before they can send me their shittext 4 victims today

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Anon commits a small amount of tomfoolery | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/08/24(Thu)15:45:12 No.36827767 >be me ftm >Have estranged sister >Became estranged before i transitioned > Match with her on dating app >Know it's her >She's clueless I just ate out my biological sister ama >>36827806 >>36- Anonymous 08/08/24(Thu)15:50:37 No.36827806 >>36827825 >>36827767 (OP) But why? >> Anonymous 08/08/24(Thu)15:51:38 No.36827814 >>36827825 >>36827767 (OP) How did she taste

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Mobilization | /r/Greentext

Anonymous >guy is over 15 >has no media literacy 07/19/24(Fri)17:17:49 No.201455015 queen.jpg 19 KB JPG

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Anon is a gap in the market. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 306 KB JPG 08/09/24(Fri)02:26:48 No.78437067 >cute girl comes over >I make dinner or we order takeout >she pretends to enjoy my company >she picks a movie >we watch it and split a bottle of wine >afterwards she goes home How can I buy this experience? I feel like it shouldn't cost more than 200-300 for the evening, but hookers want 5x that for a few hours. Craigslist personals is gone and I'm newly divorced and lost

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Anon figures out what's wrong with him | /r/Greentext

1h (08/06/24 19:14) 78414398 0 Re - 0 Img JPG 61KB (940 × 1024) 1713167391698400.jpg >waiting at the work elevator by myself >a dude appears >scrawnier, paler, shorter, more recessed chin, worse receded hairline, and wearing an abysmal t-shirt >"Finally, someone uglier than me" >a few moments later a qt walks by >"Byyyeee Cody, have a nice night!" she in a kind and borderline seductive voice >"You too Vanessa" >"Thaaankkksss :)" After all this time I've finally realized that it really is just my personality that's the problem.

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Anon doing whatever this is | /r/Greentext

File: 1375447446903.jpg-(2 KB, 126x126, 1316184738105s.jpg) Anonymous (ID: 045zgJJp) 08/02/13(Fri)08:44:06 No.497225007 >decide I need to clean my intestines out >fast for 3 days to begin my journey to shitgri-la >third day begins >need something to eat >at this point I have survived by drinking Gatorade to keep my blood sugar up, I am a s--- monk, left bedridden >ingest three colon cleansers, a whole can of sauerkraut, 2 liters of water >go to sleep for four hours >wake up, feel my ass getting ready to drop a fat man on nagassaki >sit on my ivory throne of ascension >unleash ungodly fart that lasts for 3 minutes straight >the smell is so bad my dog leaves the bathroom(he was my only companion in this troubled time, and he had forsaken me) >the s---- begin >all is well first, until I feel s--- moving inside of me >now it's liquid lava concrete pouring out my ass >feel something huge coming after 15 minutes of this >it gets stuck >start crying and make amends with jesus, buddha, hitler, bob marley, allah, and charles manson >it begins >s--- flies at mach 2 out my ass >it's huge chunky s--- thats red hot >feels like shards >meanwhile an IV drip of shitwater is coming out my ass >my toilet is filling with s---, this is how I die >it subsides >something long is dangling out my ass and squirming >oh f--- oh f--- >theres a tapeworm coming out my ass >this f----- is long, he's touching the water >start screaming HELP ME BABY JESUS while smashing the flush lever as much as possible >my f------ dog comes back in, leaves because of the smell >the tapeworm rips in half due to the suction of the water >concentrate my tantric force, I can feel the worm returning to the safe haven of my a------ >drop the muscle power in my anus, reach down and grab tapeworm, pull what must be 10 feet of worm down into toilet > once all is said and down, I go take the longest f------ shower ever, lie in my bed naked and cry in the fetal position >I never asked for this knowledge of the beast that dwells in my ass Don't fiddle with the doors that sauerkraut unlocks anons, you might not enjoy what is behind them. Replies: >>497226069 Anonymous (ID: 4FuslEXA) 08/02/13(Fri)08:49:04 No.497225510 thats f------ terrifying. Anonymous (ID: PIRQUAHY) 08/02/13(Fri)08:52:07 No.497225783 11/10

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Anon spreads offensive speech | /r/Greentext

08/08/24(Thu)17:40:28 No.477528120 > get punched in the face > tell people that you got punched in the face > government and medias blame you for spreading "offensive" information that may lead to a fight Anonymous (ID: +uDntHem ) UK right now 米

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Anon may have found love | /r/Greentext

File: anon.png (29 KB, 778x512) Anonymous 10/11/19(Fri)20:53:15 No.54825693 >>54825712 >be me >18 >just started at uni >past 6 years of school killed me >come into uni an emotionless and pessimistic guy >meet girl >funny, cute, interesting >always nice to me >both of us are tall >she makes me smile after the longest time >forget all my struggles when she walks into the room >feel good whenever I'm with her >thinking of her makes me want to be better >she hugs me one day >tfw it felt like every broken piece in my body was squeezed back into place Is this love?

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Next level anon shit. Even happier ending. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 21 KB JPG 10/08/17(Sun)21:56:08 No.43141802 >in middle school >have friend who was shy and awkward looking >he had no luck with the ladies >at valentine's everyone but him got love letters from class and schoolmates >said he didn't mind >the following years on valentine's day i wrote anonymous love letters and slid them into his lockers >borrowed my mum's perfume and sprayed it on the letters and did the lipstick kisses and everything I went all in He seemed to be happy to have received letters for once. Then I played oblivious when people asked who they were from. I suggested it might have been a girl that he likes and he did actually end up getting together with her for a while after that so maybe it made him grew the balls to ask her out. >>43141832 # >>43141854 #

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Chad dodges a bullet AND does what’s right | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 17 KB JPG 02/22/19(Fri)03:00:39 No.793293384 >be me >have a giant crush on this girl I've known for 4 years but she's been in a relationship with a dude whom I also know >host a party but he was busy and didn't come >she was too drunk after party to drive and asked to stay over >found out she had been having relationship issues and wanted to cheat on him >refused >she gave me a sad look and feel asleep I'm still a virgin. I did good, right anons?

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Anon drives home from work | /r/Greentext

99 KB JPG Story time >Be me >Two years ago >Driving home from work because not neet >Want to get home quick because amazon said my new Sonic game was delivered >Everything going fine until car in front of me gets sideswiped, goes into median and rolls several times >I pull over and run over to her >Old woman inside >Alive but hurt >I open the door and pull her out >She's barely conscious but I check her out and she's not bleeding and probably not gonna die >Other people get out of their cars and come over >I want to play sonic so I leave her with them and go home Fast forward to two weeks ago >Be visiting super religious Grandparents >They've got some weird tv show on where they interview people who've seen angels >One woman comes on >Mfw it's the woman I helped out of the car >Mfw she tells the story of a handsome angel who pulled her out of a car after a bad accident and then disappeared >Mfw I'm an angel >Mfw a girl called me handsome

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Anon is liked by his peers | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 8 KB JPG 04/22/19(Mon)12:13:12 No.798004600 >be me >changed schools and locations at least a dozen times in my life >old friend invites me to his party >never been to a party before >but I havent seen him in so long >f--- it Im going >expect that Im gonna be a social stigma and talk to nobody >oh well >arrive at party >"ANON!" >everyone happy as f--- to see me >hugs on top of hugs on top of hugs from people I havent seen in years >they all missed me >I always thought I was a social outcast >smoking pot, getting drunk >flirting with girls that I used to think were way out of my league >vibing like there is no tommorow >3 am, crossfaded out of my mind >pass out on friend's floor >people actually like me >people actually enjoy my presence >feelsgoodman View Thread

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Feels good man, feels good | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 6 KB JPG you deserve!" 02/10/20(Mon)19:08:02 No.56673862 >be on bus with my pal >going home after work >he turns to me a with a stupid grin on his face >"Hey anon, you heard about that new restaurant called Karma?" >"uh... No. Why?" >"There's no menu, you get what >I chuckle for a bit >t'was a good joke >t'was a good day

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Greentext Stories - Why does the UK such so much? | /r/Greentext

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47 KB JPG Typical everyday average British morning: >wake up >bobby knocks on door >"oi! open up you cheeky bastard and show me your sleeping licence!" >fumble around and finally find my licence >"s-sorry good sir. It's right here... God save the Queen." >bobby peers in and catches a glimpse of me telly >"halt! where's your TV licence you c---?!" >"draw TV licence from me wallet" >bobby gives a look like the bloody Queen's dodger >"oi mate! where's your permit for this licence?" >show him my licence permit >"this licence permit is expired. I'm taking you in!" >bobby draws his toy gun >stab him with my unregistered butterknife

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