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Yet another Shrek Green Text Story on /b/
Uploaded by CommanderThunderush Feb 22, 2013 at 10:56PM EST
4chan /b/ shrek fred navy seal copypasta green text story 10/10 would read again
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![GREETINGS 4CHONS IAM THE KING OF SPACE >> ] 01/23/07 (Tue) 1 3:1 8:03 No. 19504490 File :1169576283pg-(17 KB, 302x387, king2.jpg) IHAVE COME TO SURVEY YOUR INTERNETS > □ 0 l /23/07(Tue) 1 3:1 8: 1 8 No. 19504499 File :1169576298 ipg-(10 KB, 248x249, king3.jpg) I DO NOT SEEK YOUR SERVITUDE FOR YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO OBEY □ 01/23/07(Tue) l 3: I 8:32 No. 1950451 1 File :1169576312 ipg-(3 KB, 119x118, king4.jpg) OBEY AND SERVE YOU ARE POWERLESS TO RESIST 01 /23/07(Tue) l 3:1 8:43 No. 1 95045 I 9 File :1169576323ipg-(3 KB, 119x118, king5,jpg) > I AM THE KING OF SPACE](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/499/655/fcb.jpg "fcb.jpg")
![Expand Images 3p150 KB, 452x397. 1 Pal My friend is the worst player in the world Which is tantastic, because my DM is the worst DM in Though I barely knew the rules of the gama, the two of them invited ma to play with them. The nest of their group had let their game, and they wanted at least a third person, so that card just played D&D before Now I had only played D8D a fow times, and nothing acantly. They wena always spur-of th only Nat wanting to ruin anyane's fun due to my ignorance of the ules, when my fiend invited me to play with his DM, Iwent ahead and purchased the core books and started rwacing them Though they were dry and at times dal I read them cover to cover, committing a帛much to memory as I could using my past gating expenene離16 halp priatize what to mensize Most ofyov can already guesリIt how much of3waste that all w35 Our DM asked u5 for 5th level characters, and I deoded that fven though I dd't really ike dwarfS all that much they were at least nalistically pantray ona without knowing moe about the gods af tha campaig, and tha DM might not want to put so much focus on them. In the end I decided to play as 5ghter and narmed my dwarf Gunel Womstone Whan I arrived at the DM's house I was a ie taken aback by the setup for the game We were playing in his basemant, which had a ow caing that was mada evan lowar by black papar streamrs thar ust have been from soma party long ago. Though thena wera plenty of chairs, they were all pushed against the walls, with the cushions removed and spread around the foor along with ather pllows and few blankets, looking sI the world íka some Arabuan harem Missng of cours", were th" beoutful women but r, their place my among the pilaws, nasting his head in ons hand Our DM strode into the room, settled himseltf into a thick pile of plows, and beckoned me to came and get comfortable. I sat down upon Our DM askad for our charactars, and I handed him my charactar sheet Ha glanced it owar fiowned, and then passed t back without a 17120860 d that he looked human (acept for hisied eye and fangs] but was actually a Half drowHat ogre. He then began to explain his characters history, an intensely convoluted plat that sounded lke twelve stones smashed together though none of them managed to succe55址y explan why he w努3 wiwd ora nn. thoughi can't re ly Our DM listened intently, asking questions about odd things (Haw many senants castle have? and Ater you killed l tried to keep track thinkingn casually many of them books and purely of a clumsy atempt at recapturing the essence Aher ㎛ng down are notes i baraly larger than a match book To expresリust how bg gf an 35shole these gants were, our 0M explained how they wen, honor bound to destroy ary man-made structure that would allow a human to stand taler than tham This meant that the shorte' giants would ge·round attempting to smash wagons, the langer gianes would ear apat housen, and the largast would lay siege to caatdea and sowars WYe were starting off in the tuned nermarts of Cmse Conchaki In the middle of the night, the tzleet af the parts had singlehandediy smashed apat the castle, laing only tha-opl·who could survive hang·castle tal apan around them Leoparabu and Gusel Leaparabu was p-----. Even his player was p-----. He started yeling at how untar t was and how he hadnt even been given a chance to 6ght aganst the gut, and how he was gong to feed him to the Spele Queen, until decided it would be d chance to y my best dwarf impression. There's nothing wa can do about t now,"Gural said is a gruf vaica, Nathing axcapt to seak revenge and Shut up, Grl. Leaparbu said, You're just a dwa going through his midite crisis. You dont understand anything about true pain I was surprised by how much that stung t was several difienent layers of hut. I chase to igmore how he had pushed asde my well-meaning advice, how he had insulted my characters backstory haw he claimed that only his demented character understood pain and how he had given my character te worst haw Gural wouild be hunt ust going through a crisis, but there was no way he could adt it out loud. He was a gut dwart, and he kpt th at sart of businass to Sulk if you want, boy."Gurel repiad. 1 sae footplints big enough to batha a muk in, and I imand to tollow them Our DM didn't awsk me f had the Track feat or even 1. makn·suvio. check, which 'uess wos JUst because the tracks of a giant wore easy to follow Gual had made il almeat aut of sight of tha tuns d the castle before Leparab. caught up with him, Aring·You dast Gurell repied You won'teven recall your own name if I decide to sip you some Green Lotus poisonLeaarabu said angrily. OreI give you Red Lobus poison, you'll be daad in a second "I sook a moment to wondar whathar that was just a bu meant to scane me, but ended up We followed the tracks into a farest, and were then promptly ambushed by three dragons My eyes grew wide as the OM descnbed them, sincaI knew fullwal that twa 5th level charactars had no chance against a single adut dragen, lst alona threa. As I cursed my DM for nat paying attention to apprapriate challange rating guidel ines, I waited for him to deacribe what color they wene, and my ayes grew even wder when he sad they were covered with yellaw scales Leaparsbu didnt seem to be concemed At all I seemed to recall that he had slain a few dragons in his backstory, though I don emambar him saying exacty how he managed those feats So, Gunal prayed and hoped that thare was some amazing reason tha Leaparbu had managad to dianagand all lagic and dafaat mansbars that would lskely kill hin in a singie ht, and that he would manage to repeat that feat today Leapaabu, with the kind of tact that l expacted from him, calmly shouted at the dragons, Tve killed six of your friands, and f you don lwated for the Ou to ask him to make an intimidate check, Instead, the OM asked him to make a reflex uve The Dragons a simullanaously released their breath weapors, a stream of boling acid A stream boing cid with arcs af lightring spiraling around it. What the f--- is a yellow dragon Th. player s----- aound some mental gymnastics top his cushionsuntil hù managed to get inb a poaition where he cauld ral ha dice With quick toas and he managed to get an impressive setex save of 24 mm a roll of 5) which was stl a few shot of what was to get hit by the breath As the DM sagerly bagan to pul out d6 aher d5 unal hia hands were heavy with them, Leoperabu decided to reveal his family heirloom the Green Ruby which would allow him to negate one attack against him. I fhowned, but the DM simply asked how many times he could use t Only ance,"he answered, though he saunded ike he wanted to say "At will. Ignoring that it was actually three atacks that were hitting him, the Dild allowed the Green Ruby to absorb all the damage, shattering while leaving Leoparabe unharmed Gurell stapped forward pleading with the dragons, Dragons, we ase not your enamias and it would te a poar plan to maka this man ona. He has andured your deadly braath, and speaks no lias of basting dragons. Wa manaly seak to paas Tha DM considered all tha áce he hald in his hands agan, n e gint in his eyea, but ha managed to resist the temptatian Putting th dice down, he lazly said that the dragons few of, leaing us to continue our quast Feeling relieved, I smled at my friend who suddenly shot me a look of disgust when he reaized something We didnt get to loot themli ℃onsider t as pay for the tol. Gurell repled "And consider yourself fortunate you lost only that gen. Our quest certirued us foloang tre gart's footprts, until the DM decided to throw gebim at us One thousand goblins, loitering around in the midle of a path, just wating for some adventurers to walk into them As I tried to formulate some sort of plan, ke finding some wall or cave to use to lessen their advantage of numbers, Leoparabu ran forward, throwing out a finebail Nearly forty goblins died from that single attack, lesing us with only 9.960+ goblins let to contend with. t was a trial af patiance. The goblins could not hit Laoparabu, nat evan on a natural 20 thanks to some magical ninja ablity Leoparabu had, so it just became a question of how lang it would take for the hat-drow half-ogre to kall all the gablins. He was bosically a walking blender, taking down eight goblins a round through some collection of feats fm certain he couldnt have, and sometimes 40 ar so whe he decidad to throw doun a freball All of this was baing dane without ministures relying an us to simply assuma that evey single 5-oot Gurell wasnt fairing quite so wel. He was cutting dawn gobins left and right, cleaving through them with his aoce just as easly as Leaparabu was with his magic lghoning scytha. Yst, though he was tough and gut, he was sol baing cut apat by tha hoard ogobina, and was ganuinely thanidul that most of their attenion was on Leoparabu. Just as he managed to take down his 100th geblin, Gurel collapsed ferma dagger wound fuly expecting to die. Tharidlly Wizard hary35 h掰80cess to healing spells. 3rd he was back on his By the time there were only 200 gobins left, our DM had gotten bored, and decided to allow Leaparabu to kill all of them at once with a irbsl by h째rg term squeeze together 려 2Het rad"us circle wen all of them desd Leoparabu started to lost them and ecieved 1,0O0 pacas of capper Unsatished, he also anded up with 1,000 pairs ogobins boots,1,000 daggers, and 1,000 pairs af He tucked al of these away into a bag of holding t saemad Iika the DM was ready for the big fnak. We continuad following the footsteps, unti we stumbled upon the sleeping gant. The giant quickly awoke and stood and was descrbed as being over 420 feet tall. This meant that his footprints wene probably so big and so deep you could bathe an ontr, pack of mules ㅲ ene rm pretty sure that the 0M ddn't neair. thi, but this art was bigger than Godzila in fact I'm prety suia that the gant w離much taller than Conchaki Castle had been which I ddnt butter tù mention because I was too busy trying to sgure out how the hell we ware suppesad to fight this guy Leaparabu tan up and started stabbing the gart in the to. He was rPfing and tnang uhde our DM described itおs not even breaking the giants skin. As Leoparabu hepalassly centinued to adolaa the giant, the Eehamoth ited up his club and slammad a down oma The DM just grabbed two enormous handfuls of dice, preparing to throw them all doun while I stared in herror Then, with a desperate look in his yes, Leopaatu siiled anothef of his taniy heiloans the 테베 Ruby, which could negate one atack turned to Had, dropping se hard I pulied nearly eary muscle in my tace Itamadt many times c Only once. Leoparabu repied though everyone in the room knew that every colar of the rainbew path went through Orange, Yelo Purple, Red, Black. White puling rubies e verge af tears Then, I paien a giant Leopar3bu staed ㅀ Guel, utterly cortured wthout dwaf was shouting about. I stared at my friend wiling to belive th Then as i struck by s gants club, recognition hit him. Oh yeah, Girt Leoparabu said, digging into his beg to retrieve the poison, Bu THATS THE GREEN LOTUS, YOU STUPD MISBEGOTEN SON OF A MONKEY AND A SPIDER Even with the Red Latus poison his short legs would 17120960 Nothing The calused toe would blood, even though Gurell could away. Gural sook been hia livelhood, abaid that they would s-- him af everything he had been in his youh the contnued to work in them. Now he wondened he segetted his choice to leave, as he would soon be nathing more than just another one of the craters that now covered the landscape with sudde. inspration, h숱 shduled at Leapaabu "Leap between his toes, ya fool t's or oly chancal" Without questor ng his componon, the word nnja dove songeade the 6ghter. deep between the 3rt's immense and foul 5meang toes. The club stupidly changed ts course to follow and the DIM Snally got his chance to roll all the dice he held in his hands Bones splintered and Sesh tore as the giant's toes were crushed by his own club and I momentanly feared that we too would share in that damage Thankfully, our improised sheher held, and we managed to emerge unscathed, logking up to see the gant screaming in ㏘n Without hesitatng Leopatabu tan ba the b g toe wth its cracked and bleeding naii and slammed lhe bottle cf poison into the open wound With a fouìsh, he siammed his foot down as wel, pushing the bottle dieper and breaking·feleasing its cantants As the Geant slowly died, the poison t heart, I realized something Even thaugh I ealy been gaming homar st coloasal body cruahing a Feeling rather proud of amidst the pilaws thise yelow dragons 10.000 piaces o marry their daughters](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/list/000/631/447/930.png "930.png")
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