"This isn't your average, everyday thirst; this is…ADVANCED THIRST!"

Yeah, but that doesn't lend itself to puns quite as well

Salty is another slang term which describes your attitude when you might be crying tears of frustration. It works well here with thirst since salt makes you thirsty, and her jealousy is just making her desires all the worse. IE- Pearl acting like the mean girl in an 80's movie.