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Updated Aug 21, 2014 at 10:55PM EDT by RandomMan.

Added Apr 01, 2013 at 12:03AM EDT by Cyber6x.

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Chocolate is a food item known for its sweet taste, its tendency to melt in a hot environment and its all-round delicious nature. Chocolate is typically produced using cocoa solids, sugar and other fats. Milk chocolate, as the name would suggest, is created using milk and is the most common type of chocolate available. In modern culture, chocolate is often lauded as being an incredible food in similar vein to Bacon (which leads to unexpected results when you combine the two)


Chocolate has been discovered to have been drunken earliest as a bitter drink in the Hondura area [2] sometime within 1100 and 1400 BC. The first modern-style Chocolate drink was created by the Mayan Civilization around 400 AD, as a sweet drink created by roasting and grounding cocoa beans, and then diluting water with the newly made powder. After the Mayans discovered such a wonderful and life-changing concoction, they became drunk on the power and falsely predicted the world would end on December 21st, 2012 (although all is forgiven because they in part gave us chocolate).

By the 15th century, chocolate-based products were used by the Aztec civilization as both a currency and a sacrifice to gods and goddesses, as it should be because chocolate is the nectar of the gods (which you shouldn’t have to be told). The Aztec drink was very similar to the Mayan version, but was more bitter and spicy, made using the additions of vanilla, chili pepper and Bixa orellana. Due to the inability to grow cocoa beans in Mexican areas, it was treated as a rarity in the Aztec civilization, often used in barter systems. Although the system treated one fresh avocado as equivalent to three cocoa beans, it should be clear to any true chocolate lover would know that a single bean is priceless.

After the Spanish Conquest of the Aztec civilization, chocolate became more widespread among western culture. During around the late 16th century, chocolate was imported to Europe. Vanilla was the sole supplementary ingredient kept from the Aztec recipe, with the Europeans opting to use cinnamon along with a variety of other spices. At first, chocolate was reserved for only the most wealthy of people in Europe with slavery being used to produce for the richest of the rich. Eventually, plantations were opened to mass produce the chocolate drink whereas in England, it was plentiful to those who had the coin (it should be enjoyed by all!). The drink was favored by all and favorited among Spanish Courts.

Only when the Industrial Revolution arrived, did major changes to chocolate occur. A Dutch man by the name of Coenraad Johannes van Houten [4] was the first recorded chocolate-maker to make chocolate more soluble which gave way to solid chocolate, the type now plentiful in modern times. Although debated, it is it is believed that a Germany Company named Jordan & Timaeus was the first ever to produce a chocolate bar, which was made from cocoa, sugar and goat’s milk in the year 1839. A confectionery company named J. S. Fry & Sons [5] was the first to produce a solid chocolate bar available for worldwide consumption during the 19th century. Amen to them.

In 1867, milk chocolate was experimented with as an ingredient (now considered vital) by a Swiss creator. It was brought to the market around 8 years later. He, in addition to the founder of the company, Nestle, founded the process which took out most of the water from the process and evenly blended the liquid. This led to the modern method of mass producing affordable chocolate bars.

Now with limitless opportunities, the world of chocolate has grown to a wonderland of delicious food. Numerous types of chocolate such as dark chocolate, which uses far less milk in creation or white chocolate, which removes cocoa solids. New ways of presenting chocolate such as anthropomorphized animals such as Freddo or powders like Milo which create the wonders of CHOCOLATE MIIIIILK, an experience which is comparable to loss of virginity or a hallucinogenic drug.


Around the world, Chocolate has been thought of as one of the greatest foods ever. In part, thanks to the universal delicious taste, the many uses of chocolate for other actives such as sculpturing and chocolate’s place in popular culture. Chocolate has featured in films such as Willy Wonka / Charlie (take your pick) and the Chocolate Factory and Chocolat, cementing its place as an important food in history.

Chocolate Sculpturing

Chocolate Rain

Chocolate Rain is a viral video performed by Tay Zonday, singing about the wonders of chocolate. The song uses sequential lyrics, with the entire song taking the format of ‘Chocolate Rain, X’ with X representing a line about the implications of Chocolate Rain, ending with a word rhyming with rain.


Raisins is a rage comic featuring one of the first derivatives of the Oh Crap / OMG Rage Face. The comic features a person discovering an unattended platter of assumed chocolate cookies, however upon taste, the eater learns they are in fact raisin cookies.

This mix-up is often attributed to Raisins looking like chocolate chips to an untrained eye. It is a universal thought that discovering chocolate cookies are in fact raisin cooks is one of the most disappointing feelings one can experience in life, followed by rejected marriage proposals and failed job applications.

Chocolate Milk Threads

Chocolate Milk Threads are forum threads, often featuring posters who all share a the viewpoint that chocolate milk is the nectar of the gods. These threads will often start with the original poster showing a full glass of chocolate milk or asking if the viewer can take care of said glass, with subsequent posts usually showing the glass split, to the dismay of the audience.

Anybody who does not follow the belief that chocolate milk is better than everything in life is clearly lying or has no taste (and should be downvoted into oblivion as such).


Chocolate! is a quote from an episode of Spongebob Squarepants in which a character freaks out after discovering chocolate is being sold at a nearby location (an appropriate reaction).

Chocolate Bird

Chocolate Bird is a scene from the film Jack And Jill in which a computer generated bird walks casually into a Chocolate Fountain. For indeed, the love of chocolate transcends one’s race, sex, age or any other factor (even if it would cause hypothetical death).

Stu Making Chocolate Pudding At 4 AM

Stu Making Chocolate Pudding At 4 A.M. is a scene from the show, Rugrats, in which Stu makes Chocolate Pudding (an innovative use of chocolate and a testament to its versatility!) at 4 AM to please his niece, Angelica, but upon presentation discovers that she is full and no longer wants it.

This display is clearly a demonstration of how ungrateful Angelica is, as no person in the world would (or should) refuse any chocolate-based product even if they are filled. The seemingly depressed nature of Stu shows how one would react under making chocolate pudding for another (and not being allowed to eat it yourself), and his grief-filled reaction shows how an average person would and should react.

It is rumored that there exists an alternate ending to the episode, where Angelica is beheaded for her heinous crime, but was replaced with the now present ending because it was decided that children would not be able to understand the importance of chocolate in universal life. This was rectified by other subtle use of chocolate propaganda in the show.

External References

[1]Wikipedia – Chocolate

[2]Wikipedia – Honduras

[3]Chocoworx – History of Chocolate

[4]Wikipedia – Coenraad Johannes van Houten

[5]Wikipedia – J. S. Fry & Sons

And now: a very special message..


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