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The 23/04/2002, a user called Top Cat posted on the “off topic” forum of the game company Paradox a story about a casual acquaintance of his vainly boasting over his knowledge of streetfight. The story included the notion that, in respect to martial arts, using weapons during a fight would put someone at an “immediate disadvantage”. The story also mentionned “the Octagon”, referring to the caged enclosure used for Ultimate Fighting Championship, which became the name by which the meme was known.
The story became quickly popular among the users of Paradox OT forum and was still widely referred to until at least 2008/2009. It occasionnally appears here and there on the internet, although always more or less in relation to its original forum – making it at best a persistent but local meme.
The meme is used when stating that someone enjoying a manifest superiority is putting himself at an immediate disadvantage.
When fighting a duel, shooting at your opponent with an assault rifle puts you at an immediate disadvantage.
The alternate form is to mention winning the respect of the Yardies (preferably without stating the reason for said respect).
Cases like this are how I won the respect of the Yardies.
The original post from Top Cat
Ok, little story for you all. I wonder if anybody can match it for sheer SHITE in the face of reality. True story.
Ok, in the cinema there’s this lad who, well to say he was a friend of a friend would be going too far. More a hanger on of an acquaintance. Anyway, every social group will have one of these guys attached to it at some point. Small, weedy, boring. Talks about himself a LOT. If you are feeling charitable you could describe him as a Walter Mitty, if not he’s just full of crap. Anyway. At the cinema waiting for a film to start and this lad, scrawny, greasy, boring, nobody quite knows who he is with or whose friend he is meant to be, launches into a monologue. I will quote it for you as close to verbatim as possible. One of the lads in this group is a boxer, really nice guy but tough as nails, almost went into boxing professionally but decided to study instead. Anyway the conversation has turned to his training regime and this other scrawny little bloke buts in;
“Yeah. People have no idea. It’s all bullshit maaaaaan. I mean yeah, I could go to the gym, I could get biceps like this (makes gesture) and legs like this (another gesture). i could get a six pack, no problem. But (drag on cigarette) what I have to do, is ask myself the question, do I want that? (ostentatious drag on cigarette, pause for dramatic effect). The answer… is no. My body is a weapon. I mean, you get in a fight, what good is that? What people don’t realise IS that say, say somebody comes at you with a knife. He’s putting himself at an immediate disadvantage. What’s he got? A knife. One weapon. I’ve got two fists, two legs, two knees, two elbows (indicates body parts in turn as though we didn’t know where they are). If he loses his knife, what’s he got then? Take these bouncers at clubs. Sure, they look tough. Perhaps one of them could take me in a bar fight. (draw on cigarette) Perhaps. But I’d like to see how any of them could cope against me in “the octagon”. I was in the city once, went into this bar. Looked normal from the outside but what I didn’t know was it was a gangster bar. Guy behind the bar goes “get the fuck out of here” but I’m in no mood for shit so I tell him to get me a drink. He pulls this revolver from behind the bar and points it straight at me. I didn’t sweat. Looked at the revolver, saw the safety was on. Looked him straight in the eyes and said “Are you going to serve me, or are you going to shoot me?” He pulls the trigger and it doesn’t work cos of the safety and he keeps pulling the trigger but (drag on cigarette) I just keep my cool. Then, he puts his gun down and says “Hey man, you’re cool man, ain’t nothing scares you”. (chuckles and shakes head) I got my drink. And THAT (draws on cigarette ostentatiously) is how I won the respect of the Yardies."
Several of us made our excuses and left. The rest of us were too astonished to say anything and just sat there staring while he sat in a haze of cigarette smoke looking smug. It was possibly the oddest ten minutes of my entire life.
Now… if anyone can come up with a real life example of sheer pathetic gittishness better than that I’d be VERY interested to hear it!
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