Vent threads are sorta cool.
When I was in elementary school I was using the bathroom. I don't remember how old I was, but a woman had entered the bathroom. She started checking the stalls, I guess to see if anyone else was there. I didn't think much of it because I was a kid and she seemed nice. She walked up to me and started talking to me about school things, nothing really specific. She then told me that she had a present for me and that to see it we had to go into one of the stalls. At the time I didn't have friends and never received gifts, so I was excited! I followed her into the stall and she locked the door behind her.
I asked about the gift and she told me to take a seat on the toilet, so I did. She proceeded to unbutton my pants. At first I was worried, but she told me to calm down and not talk. She started touching my penis without my permission. It was uncomfortable, so I told her to stop. She hit me it the face and told me to stop talking.
She then proceeded to rape me. I don't remember how long it was or why she choose me, but she did horrible things to me. When she was finished with me she told me to stay in the stall and not speak to anyone about this, or else she would kill my family. She left and I sat in the stall for what feels like forever, hoping she would not hurt my family.
After that I never spoke to anyone about it out of fear, until yesterday when I was talking to a close friend about it. They laughed and said I should have been stronger, and that I should have fought more. I felt so hollow after they said that, like it was my fault for being raped. I told them to get out and spent the night crying. I ended up breaking my phone out of rage/sadness.
I don't know what to feel or who to turn to. I've tried therapy and nothing seems to work. I have no friends, two family members, and no drive in life. I'm stuck mentally in that bathroom stall. Its affected my life and relationships. I can't use public restrooms, I don't trust being alone with women, and it has ruined the idea of sex for me. She stole my virginity in elementary school and I have nothing left.
I'm useless.