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ITT: We give everyday items scientific but extraordinary names.

Keen Flora Tamer.

Energy Ejecting Globe.

Crippling Polyethylene Brick

Remotely-Directed Miniature Vehicle

Extraordinary Red and Blue-Clad Plumber by the Italian-root name "Mario"

Processing Computing Unit

DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE CONTAINMENT, TRANSPORT AND REDISTRIBUTION VESSEL

I'm going to have you arrested for transportation, distribution, possession, and consumption of dangerous substances.

High-velocity Lead Slinger.

Insta-expel Hammer.

@opspe

But it followed all the DHMO safety regulations! I swear!

Nice try kid, but we don't negotiate with DHMO terrorists.

Non-ferrous cylindrical food and/or beverage containment, storage, and transportation device-o-tron with added zest for you lingo.

Some of that may be made up.

Castle of War Alliances the Second.

Unlicensed Combat Physician of Faction of Red

From left to right:
Warrior of Artillary of Faction of Blue
Light-footed Reconnaissance of Faction of Blue
Heavy Weapons Guy of Faction of Blue

Durable Precious-Stone-Crafted Wooden-Handle-Mounted Monster-Eviscerating Weapon.

Metallic apparatus for the transport of edible products to the buccal cavity

Multiple-Way Long-range communication device, internet browser, camera & picture storage, call log, gaming unit, portable music device, and video management & viewer.

Pulped wood for the removal of leftover food items from the area surrounding the Human mouth.

Edgeless Safety Cube

Salvageable Canine entertainment and exercise initiating carbon rod

(This isn't a joke, by the way)

Advanced patty control mechanism

Automated money-handling system

High-quality beverage temperature devices

Prototype liquid transfer machine

And most importantly, state-of-the-art condiment dispersing units

idiotic advertisement that have depressed millions of it's suggested population

French Fry Bow Tie

Sequin Milkshakes

Acetylseryltyrosylserylisoleucylthreonylserylprolylserylglutaminyl-phenylalanylvalylphenylalanylleucylserylserylvalyltryptophylalanyl-
aspartylprolylisoleucylglutamylleucylleucylasparaginylvalylcysteinyl-
threonylserylserylleucylglycylasparaginylglutaminylphenylalanyl-
glutaminylthreonylglutaminylglutaminylalanylarginylthreonylthreonyl-
glutaminylvalylglutaminylglutaminylphenylalanylserylglutaminylvalyl-
tryptophyllysylprolylphenylalanylprolylglutaminylserylthreonylvalyl-
arginylphenylalanylprolylglycylaspartylvalyltyrosyllysylvalyltyrosyl-
arginyltyrosylasparaginylalanylvalylleucylaspartylprolylleucylisoleucyl-
threonylalanylleucylleucylglycylthreonylphenylalanylaspartylthreonyl-
arginylasparaginylarginylisoleucylisoleucylglutamylvalylglutamyl-
asparaginylglutaminylglutaminylserylprolylthreonylthreonylalanylglutamyl-
threonylleucylaspartylalanylthreonylarginylarginylvalylaspartylaspartyl-
alanylthreonylvalylalanylisoleucylarginylserylalanylasparaginylisoleucyl-
asparaginylleucylvalylasparaginylglutamylleucylvalylarginylglycyl-
threonylglycylleucyltyrosylasparaginylglutaminylasparaginylthreonyl-
phenylalanylglutamylserylmethionylserylglycylleucylvalyltryptophyl-
threonylserylalanylprolylalanylserine.

Or Small portable tube cancer

Long-distance Visual/Audio Telecommunications Device

Primatial Five-Digit Manipulative Appendage

Flat surfaced low altitude weight dispersing object supporting pain based bipedal locomotion disruptor

Massive Online Digital Database for the Wide International Education Pertaining to Cultural Ideas that Spread Virally via Mass Digital Communications Infrastructure.